Ep 16 Black Mental Health: Man Up, Process, and Let Go

Chapter Breakdown

• 00:00 - 01:25: Handling Technical Difficulties: The speakers discuss managing emotional intelligence and internalizing blame when technical issues occur during recording.
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• 01:26 - 04:36: Corporate Culture and Racial Nuance: A discussion on how Black men must navigate corporate environments where emotional outbursts are viewed differently than those of their white counterparts.
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• 04:37 - 07:29: Setting Boundaries in the Workplace: One speaker recounts a specific incident where he had to firmly address disrespect from a colleague without losing his composure.
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• 07:30 - 10:59: Managing Anger and External Perceptions: The speakers explore the risks of losing control, the necessity of emotional outlets, and how personal biases can lead others to feel intimidated.
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• 11:00 - 15:39: The Impact of Betrayal and Disrespect: An analysis of how a single offensive moment can cause a person to question the entire history and depth of a professional or personal relationship.
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• 15:40 - 18:14: Evolving for Career Progression: A speaker discusses how shifting from a non-agreeable stance to a "team player" mentality led to significant salary increases.
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• 18:15 - 21:57: Understanding Corporate Conflict: The group debates the "game" of corporate America and the artificial creation of conflict within organizations.
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• 21:58 - 23:58: Statistics on Emotional Sharing: Reflection on a statistic stating only 30% of men shared personal feelings in the past week, highlighting the lack of healthy emotional outlets.
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• 23:59 - 28:54: Maintaining Composure and Blocking Noise: Advice on focusing on the "signal" of career goals while blocking out the "noise" of microaggressions and office politics.
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• 28:55 - 32:19: Risk Management and Letting Go: Using the analogy of "bag holding" in trading to describe the importance of dropping losses and moving forward.
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• 32:20 - 36:11: The Full Chain of Emotional Management: Final thoughts on the "Man up, process, and let go" philosophy as a way to maintain personal "squares" and missions.
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Episode Summary

The discussion focuses on the complex intersection of mental health, emotional intelligence, and professional navigation, particularly for Black men in corporate settings. The speakers begin by reflecting on recent technical difficulties, noting how such frustrations often lead to self-blame and require active emotional management. This leads into a broader conversation about the "nuance" required to survive in corporate America. One speaker highlights the double standard where a white colleague received a promotion after an angry outburst, while a Black man showing similar "fire" might be perceived as a safety threat.

A central theme is the importance of setting boundaries without losing composure. One speaker details a workplace confrontation where he addressed a colleague’s disrespect directly and calmly, later refusing to let the colleague "explain away" the offense. This highlights a "zero to 100" internal temperament that many men must repress to avoid professional or legal consequences, relying instead on "outlets" like exercise or gaming to vent accumulated stress.

The group examines the "game" of corporate life, noting that while many conflicts are artificially created by organizations, success often requires playing by existing rules. One speaker candidly shares that moving from a confrontational, "right-at-all-costs" attitude to a more agreeable "team player" persona resulted in his salary jumping from $12k to $130k. He argues that getting mad at the game is unproductive; instead, one must "put on the football pads" and play to win.

The episode concludes with a strategic framework for emotional stability: "Man up, process, and let go". This "full chain" involves staying on one's "square" during a crisis to achieve a mission—such as getting home safely or feeding a family—then processing the event later to extract lessons, and finally dismissing the emotion entirely. By treating detractors as "older babies" or "lower-level nuisances," the speakers suggest that a man can maintain his mental focus on his ultimate goals while effectively risk-managing his professional and personal interactions.

Transcript

Joe From Work 0:00

What about it? So he said, Hey, you're making me feel stupid. I said, I'm not making you feel stupid, but you feel stupid because you did you did something stupid, you know? And so he was like, Hey, and I said, Nope. Got up.

J Staff 0:19

Man, we had a long break. But we finally made it through. We had technical difficulties. But man, I had to manage my emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence, bro. There's nothing like when you when something's messing up that you think should go right, you're just like, this is all my fault. I did this. What did I do wrong? Like, you so you internalize that so much. And shoot, man, I as we were sitting here with our technical, a little inside baseball, we were uh we had a little lot lots of echoes in in our previous recordings, and so now we're like, we're we're recording differently, but we're we're at we're we're we're gonna be flexible. But let's just jump back into it, man. Like we were kind of covering, we were getting into emotionals, and then we kind of veered off a little bit. We we talked about identity, we talked about how that's super healthy for um mental health and mental stability. But then we start, we we got into this element of control, and almost it two things kind of came to mind when I when I thought about when as you were kind of talking about this. In my mind, I was like, A, I feel like that's similar to what we've been told to man up. That's just another way of uh, you know, hey, get yourself under control, man up, right? Men are in men are always under control. Get yourself under control. Um, but then that also goes into as far as uh like corporate culture, where like, you know, as black men, you go into these corporate environments, and I mean, if you get if you even like go above two decibels, people looking at you like it's gonna explode. Let's get it. We feel unsafe here. Getting out of hand. You know, so I mean, how have you been able to navigate in your corporate journeys, like balancing that nuance of okay, we we gotta be mindful of how we come off, but we still gotta progress. Like, you see, other people, they they can go ham and crazy, you know, throw chairs, whatever, and then come back and apologize. Like, dude, not to get off on a tangent, but I remember before I I'm not even gonna mention the company, but I was at a company, and this dude, the white dude, he went off on this other guy to the point where we were all like, yeah. Is he about to now again this guy worked incredible hours? Like, he was there when I when I came in, and he was there when I left. So he was a workhorse, and he literally just got like a slap on the wrist, like, okay, just don't do that no more. Yeah. And that was it. And I feel like, man, looking at that, like I don't know if that would have happened the same way had he been a different different race and nationality. You know, it it it it led me know, like, man, the leeway that people have. Oh, yeah, is a lot different than like, and you know, he's still there, and it got promoted actually, by the way. Like, promoted to head of this, head of that. It's because he showed such initiative and fire. Right. He's passionate. He's to me, I'm looking at him like, you can't get this up on the good. Like, I get we're all stressed, we're all stressed, but like me blowing up and you blowing up, two different things. So I say, like, A, have y'all what have y'all come across in your own experiences? And then B, like, how are you how do you even manage the stress levels that you have? Because it's not just man up, it's we gotta deal. It's you gotta process and deal. Yeah, man. And navigate. So, you know, I kind of thought to you guys, like, well, I mean, you know, we're gonna we're gonna start with the big black man.

Joe From Work 4:35

I mean, yeah, because here's here's the issue is like, you know, unfortunately, what you all know to be true is true. Of course, I've had to deal with it. It's uh, because I'm I'm I'm on sight almost. You know what I mean? Yeah. A couple of things about me, you know, obviously I'm as as all the teachers have always told me, your voice projects, Mr. Macklin. Okay, and so the good thing about this is not once have I ever lost my cool, not once have I ever raised my voice in anger. I laugh loud. I tell, you know, we get on anime, music, yeah. I've been loud, but not in any ever any angry sort of way. The problem I ran into is that doesn't even matter. Yeah. That doesn't even matter. All of these same people who eat my food and compliment, and we talk about blah, blah, blah, blah, all this, I had a situation. Somebody says something dumb. I pointed out, bro, it's just like that. And he felt some kind of way about it. So he said, hey, you're making me feel stupid. I said, I'm not making you feel stupid, but you feel stupid. Because you did, you did something stupid, you know? And so he was like, and I said, Nope. Got up, walked around, I kneeled down next to his cubicle. I said, You need to understand what you just said, that sort of disrespect. You can never do that again. Okay. You we can say it and jest and we can curse, but you were serious there. And I need you to understand that can't happen. I got up, walked back around, sat back down. Damn the police got called, okay? They Joe Mack was threatening him, and he told you, you know, and it was this whole thing. And I'm like, I said, this is what happened. He said some wild shit to me. I told him he could never do that again. Okay? My boss is like, uh, do y'all want to go outside and talk about this? I said, there is not one thing to talk about. Yeah. We said what we did. We said, I said, look, here's the deal, man. I will be friendly to him. I know I gotta work with him, that's fine. But just so you know, our friendship is like we're not on that level. I can be nice and all that stuff, but but that has to be told. I said, if I don't tell him that, how does he know that that's the situation? Yeah. Well, I just don't want this, you know, to boil over anything. I said, who's gonna do that? Yeah. What what what what have I given, you know? And so, you know, it's a little of that back and forth, and it's like, all right, done. Now, mind you, next day, this dude's coming in. He's got a whole portfolio. When I was eight years old and people used to talk about me. I said, stop, stop. I don't give a fuck. I do not, I do not, I don't care, dude. I don't care. I don't care. I said, none of that matters, man. You thought it was okay to do that to me. I'll let you know that's not okay. Yeah. We're good. Yeah, that's that's it. Yeah, yeah. So you call it out, boom, in the moment, nib it in the butt. Because I don't need to get mad. Because here's the problem, bro. As much as I preach about control, oh, I will lose it. If I get a little, there is no little mad. I'm a zero to fing million kind of guy. Yeah. And so it's like, oh no, I just, I can never do it. I understand that about me. So I don't even edge close to that. I don't even like getting like when somebody makes me mad at work, I instantly, I just I refuse. I can't because I'll just get fired. I'll go to jail. I because bro, I'm born in the wrong time. I don't like none of that. I don't like none of that talking, man. I wheels, I'll show you. We'll see who's right. We'll see who's right. Okay. I don't like any of that. I don't like any of it. It makes me sick. Because let me calm down. Anyway, so as you know, you know, there's people. Hey, get high up on the that way. There are people. But that's what it causes, though. Yeah, and that's what he's gonna repress to it, you know? Because somebody knows I know you won't do anything. Yeah, so I'm gonna f yeah, exactly. And it's like I have to, like, okay, well, hey, we can be done. And that's the thing, like, I can act. I'm a good actor. And so I can just, I can just pretend, bro. I can just pretend, because I have outlets. I've got my Call of Duty, I've got my elliptical, I've got, you know, a punching back, I've got outlets, man. So I can, I'm well versed at taking all of that noise and I'll save it for later. It's cool, man. But here's what they don't understand. Uh they need me infinitely more than I'd ever need them in my life. Yeah. So that's why motherfucker comes there to apologize and show it why I had to. You don't understand it triggered something. But I don't want to lose you. Explaining. But no. You get this ain't baseball, nigga, one strike and you're out, baby. I don't have to play fair. This is my life. Yeah, yeah. And so, to answer your question, man, I've run into situations where people have have goaded me, maybe not even willing or knowingly goaded me, but they've said something that couldn't stand. I don't get mad, but I get stu I'll let you know, hey, hey, this isn't that funny j it's not that guy right now. This, you understand, right? And look, it's intimidating because I'm intimidating, but I'm only intimidating to somebody who's intimidated by me. Y'all are not intimidated by me, guys. Because I'm not intimidating just on site. But if you create a fallacy about me in your mind that becomes real to you, you will feel intimidated when I tell you you're wrong and you can't do that. Yeah. And so I deal with it by trying never to, because like I said, these are the same people that cry telling me about their bullshit. Because I love talking. Y'all know I love third concession with you. Yes. And so it's like, but because it hurts again, that pain, because it hurts, because I'm like, well, what was all of that then? Because I thought that was a bonding moment. And if if we're there, I wouldn't think you would disrespect me in that way. And so it's like it makes me think, oh, it's just these motherfuckers just tolerant me. And then that sort of sadness, because that's pain leading to sadness. You know, I'm talking about confusion leading to anger. Confusion can lead to sadness when it's like, you know, why what didn't I do right in this six years prior that I've known you? You were going through it. What where did I ever do anything that like I'm that motherfucker to do that to?

He's Jared 11:16

So you're like, I mischarac you mischaracterize the entire relationship. If you can go to this point where oh yeah.

J Staff 11:23

That's interesting you say that. It's interesting. But that it's interesting that you, it's not uh a single moment of of misunderstanding. It it makes you challenge the whole depth of the relationship. And and I think that I'm always fascinated with with that. Like these the type of people that, and not to mischaracterize you, but like they're the type of people that like, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. It's like, you know what? Hey, I need a few good men. We're gonna go over the sand, your feet are gonna get burnt off. Your bottles of your feet are gonna burn off, but we're gonna do it together. And we'll look at you, oh, we're gonna do that. Like, those are the type of people that do that with you, right? But as soon as you trip that wire, it's like that that that concentration of I don't want to say loyalty, but that concentration of like we're gonna go through the storms together is is evaporated. Like it's so, it's so sensitive. It's fleeting, and not pleading, but it's very easy to turn off from. Um Well, no, the opposite is true. Like, love hard, but after that, as soon as, as soon as once the offense happens, it's like there's no love.

He's Jared 12:43

Like a game theory situation. So it's like, all right, fool me once. Show me, fool me, show me. So you're kind of more like, all right, I'm with you until you show me otherwise. But if you show me otherwise, yeah, oh no. Yeah. Because you said he's zero to a hundred. Yeah. So then it's either almost like an all or nothing kind of situation. It's an all or nothing. Disrespect me one time. There's no fool once, shame on you do all the time.

J Staff 13:04

Yeah, don't fool me once. There's no fool.

Joe From Work 13:07

Because that transgression makes me feel full. Exactly. I feel fooled because of that transgression. Like, but and you know, you see yourself in others maybe, and it's like, I wouldn't.

J Staff 13:21

Well, where's the where's the place of forgiveness for you? Like, and and this, and that's we talked about forgiveness with with Mr. Todd, talking about how man, people like somebody can offend you back here and you still be holding on to that. Where's the place of forgiveness?

Joe From Work 13:38

No, no, no. It's more like DMX. Like, I can't forgive, I just can't forget. All right, like you, you know what I mean? Yeah, I know the distance to hold you at now. Yeah, so I will not get hurt in that way again. Because questioning whether or not that was real hurts. I don't want to do that. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like that, and and also, right? Granted, the answer to that question might be, no, it was a slip up or a fuck up or whatever, right? A misunderstanding or whatever, ego hurt and whatever. So that also could be the case, but you you did that. That seems like because it's what it what I don't like, right? Is like, let's say for especially for a person like that, where I met through work, you know, yeah, where it's like, oh, I'm very charming, and I know there's people why, you know, it's a very uh, and it's like, oh, I could have fucking just not liked your bitch ass from the start, fool. Like, I could have just not liked you, because I don't really like people like you. I really don't, but you know, we're in this setting and I want you to be included. I'll never exclude anybody, and you're a friend of a friend of mine, but I really don't like you, motherfucker. But it's like, oh, it's just like, oh, I could have just done that, and then this never would have happened, by the way. And so those thoughts creep in. So it's it's uh, yeah, it's it's like, oh, you you was like I was worrying about you. Like you, you did you weren't really right, right?

J Staff 15:07

You know, it's like, yes, Lord. Yeah, like okay, man.

Joe From Work 15:13

Okay, it's all wise guy. Yeah. This setting allowed this to happen. And so all of those emotions are why it's like, I don't like, I I hate that somebody can make me feel in that way. You know what I mean? That's uh because that's a type of a lack of control in itself for me. That somebody would have that much control over my emotional state. And it's like uh I give sadness a pass. Like, well, no, but it's sadness. But if what was a different thing? What if it was anger? What if it, you know, it's like, well, no, you wouldn't want anybody to have that control over you with those emotions, you know? You just get around somebody, you just feel embarrassed and shit. You wouldn't want somebody that so it's like, well, no, no emotion except joyous ones probably are acceptable in that realm. And so I battle with that, and that and then that becomes like, oh, because it because then right, then it's it's that like, well, you don't even like it. Why matter so much? And why care? Why you care if you don't care, but you know, and it's like all that tormoral. And nobody likes to have having to feel that way. And uh, I got you. So you try to avoid it um at work. Uh, I never let it show. That's the thing. I just can never let it show. And you get you get fucked with um when that happens. Yeah. Because I feel like sometimes we're already a target. And then when you bump, and oh, he ain't even. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's it's and it's like that'll that can melt. Yes, exactly. All right, because I was also very um non-agreeable. Like, hey, no, he's looking up these numbers. Hey, no, why didn't you do this? Hey, you know, I'm checking my fucking like I'm I'm better and smarter, aren't you, and this, but I I'm just in a grunt position, you know. Oh, he tried to get me fired, actually. He's lying on the support, and all of that kept me at fucking 12k a year. All right, you know what I'm saying? Being right didn't do shit. And then when it was like, hey guys, I'm I'm sorry for all the trouble, well, you know, the last five years or something, you know, I really want to be a game player. Then it's like, oh 50k, 70k, 130k. You know, and it's like, and that makes me feel some kind of way.

J Staff 17:24

Yeah, you know, and and but but here's let me let me tell you, and and that's I guess it the difference, the interesting thing is, and I'm I'm I'm very fascinated by what you' what what you're saying here, and we're gonna, I'm trying to work this out in my mind. Because it I mean, we talked about this earlier. The game is still the game. Don't you know it? The game is still the game. And and here's the thing the just because the game exists, like getting mad at the game, is like it's like getting mad at the game. It's like getting mad at the game. Like, yeah. Well hell, like what do I mean you I mean you can't really you can create a new game, but I mean that's that's a whole I mean it's a whole different bottle of water. Like, I mean but but here's the thing, even in those new games, there's still um uncertainties and issues that you still gotta deal with. Correct. That sometimes can be just as challenging, or more so, or more so. And and quite frankly, a lot of the challenges we face in corporate America, a lot of the challenges we face, they're not real. They're not even real, they're just put in place because the game requires conflict. And like, I I had a manager tell me once, we need more conflict in this organization. And I looked at him like, what? Like, what are you saying to me? Because it I mean, I I take the little word corporation, right? It's a it's a corpus, it's a body. Why would we want conflict in our body? We want harmony in our body. We want, we almost want group think in our body. We want, I want the culture to be so tight in my body that there is no anybody who is outside of that culture, I want the I want you to be attacked and killed immediately. Because anything that is outside of that culture is is typically malignant. Like it's a cancer, it's a sickness, it's a virus or whatever. And that's absolutely not what we want. So to say you want more conflict, I think is feels anathetical to what a corporation really is. It gets back to the mental, the mental piece of this, where we're like, okay, um, like you're now artificially creating these conflicts in an environment that we don't really need conflict. And so it it takes pe everybody who's in the mindset of like, well, we should be harmonious and is taken aback. We should all be friends. Because now we want conflict. But if you want a conflict, let me I can reorient myself for conflict. But y'all don't want that, you know, because I mean when there was conflict, when there was real conflict, you know, I was ripping, you know, we were ripping people's head off and slicing people with swords and stuff. So uh I mean we would we went down the rabbit hole. But I I I I go back to say, like, I hear even the the the stress that you you have. And you know, again, we're glad we're here as as the brothers to be able to like bruh, don't worry about that. Like, it's cool. Go watch your episode of the wire. Yeah, that's the thing. It took me it took me a long time to learn. And get that. And get that. It took me a long time, man. Because if you don't, man, that that that'll give you great hair. Look, look at here. I just eat away.

Joe From Work 21:10

No, I know. You're preaching to the choir, man.

J Staff 21:14

I attribute that to I attribute that to his crunchy eating and the no stress that he's this is all stress-induced, baby.

Joe From Work 21:25

All this is stress-induced. I wish I just would have learned that you have to play the game if I'm trying to, if I'm trying to win that game, I gotta play that game.

He's Jared 21:35

Yeah, yeah.

Joe From Work 21:35

I can't want to win that game and then not play it. That yeah that how you gonna do that? I want to win the Super Bowl on over here playing basketball. Like, you can't win the Super Bowl playing basketball, brother. And so I had to just like, oh well, I guess I need to put on these football pads then and and and and play this game. And that um, you know, it served me well. It's just I wasted so much time.

J Staff 22:00

You know, interesting. I just read one of the statistics we pulled here. Only 30% of men shared personal feelings with someone this week, this past week. Like you said only 30%. Only 30%. So three out of 10. So it's like we're the three. If you think about all the other people that were that that we know, they not having conversations. To that, you know, getting that off their chest. And that's sitting there eating them. Just stealing it.

He's Jared 22:39

But that's that's what, but you've got to um to where that's not an energy drain to you. Not anymore? Where like, yeah, yeah, you're saying not anymore. Yeah. But even in the visceral response you're having to recalling it is um is like where you've got to, okay, well, how do I properly contextualize what's happening? Yeah. You know, one one way Jermaine was saying, like on one of our calls, he was like, uh, you know, you look at grown humans as just older babies. Yeah. And it's like, oh, well, you don't you don't know how to process your whatever it is you're dealing with. Yeah. Okay. Um, like in what I experienced in corporate American, and one thing I will say that I will I found mentors just to kind of help navigate this corporate America thing, um, especially as a black man, and there were definitely like nuggets and stuff like that. Um, I was always of the mindset of just, I'm operating excellence, regardless of what I do. Because I know that what I'm doing is likely more than what they're doing. Now, whether I get what they get for what they're doing is about like a two-to-one. You know, work twice as hard to get happy as far kind of thing that we're talking about. And so I kind of took that to heart. Um, my dad would always tell me when I was young, don't lose your composure. Don't lose your composure. Mostly like in sports. You know, I'm playing sports and I'm I'm having a bad game and I'm getting frustrated, which makes me miss more shots, which makes me make more mistakes. And he's like, Don't lose your composure. You can't lose your composure. Because at that point, you're you're disoriented, you're discombobulated, and you're trying to operate it in a way where you're not composure, not thinking clearly, you're not uh articulating clearly, you're not handling and responding in the way you need to. And so, yeah, there are times when I would hear microaggressions, you know, what they call them, microaggressions, comments, whether it's, you know, someone not understanding cultural context, faux pause, you know, we get that. Um, I think at a point in time, I was just so focused on moving ahead. Like, just it is um one thing that Kevin O'Leary talks about in a few of his interviews. He's talking about blocking out the noise. He's like, You've got to be so good and so intent on only focusing on the signal and blocking out all of the noise. And so that was one thing that definitely helped was all right, this thing happened. I can either choose to da-da-da-da-da, or I could choose to da-da-da-da-da. Which one gets me closer to what I'm trying to do, where I'm trying to go? Exactly. Or do I want to like focus on this? Now, I think it's still good to recognize it, acknowledge it, even if it is something that makes you feel a certain way in the moment. Yeah, that kind of made me feel a little less at the hand in the moment. Just because you're human. Right. You know what I mean? Just because you're human. But definitely not staying in that moment, or even when you go back to it and remember it and recall it, not letting it absorb that type of energy or make that type of energy rise up in you again, because then it's having the exact same effect that it had then. When, like you're saying, that person's move on it or didn't even know that it happened. If you're another fact, we don't get that privilege of being able to uh give that person the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, it's it's like, oh no, it must have been racial. Like, even in things like when I go to a restaurant and something's taking too long. Oh, yeah. You're like, yeah, exactly. I'm keen on that. Like, that's something I'm keen on. Probably how we're all kind of keen on something that is affected by our our appearance and our race of us being treated less than we is triggering to us. Right. And there's situations that happen in the neighborhood where someone's saying something, and I went to go talk to the dude, but on my way there, in my head, I'm like, I'm ready to like go in on this dude, but he's probably not even, you know, and then I end up meeting him, he's the most neighborly guy, and that's hope that's happened so many times too, where the opposite has happened. And uh I would say, especially in a corporate setting, if it's a peer, that that's one thing. You know, if it's someone adjacent to me, if it's someone with leverage or power or say even influence over my my uh my my career, my salary, my career progression, promotion, all that, then it has an even more different um impact. I think to Jose's point, when you're in those, uh when you're in those situations, like knowing how to either just, okay, that wasn't that wasn't even a thing. Yeah. Like we're talking about being here at the hotel. Okay, just, you know, you said that they just because how much of your energy are you willing to give to it? Yeah, yeah, right. You know, and for what? Yeah, and for what? Like you want to give it the due energy, but not so much to where you can't come in the next day, refocus or continue the rest of your day, refocus back on what the what the goal is. Right. Um there's that, there's something else I wanted I wanted to say also. Um keeping your composure, not reacting so much. And then I think it was, I can't think of what what else it was that I wanted to mention on what you were talking about. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was not not reacting to each one of those things. Definitely communicate, you will not disrespect me. That's that's definitely not gonna happen. But I don't need to also respond or react to all the little kind of you're just petty. Oh, okay, you're just this. I'm sorry you feel that way. That says more about you than it does about me. Now I know. I I can now strategize a lot of you. Thank you for telling me that you're you're this piece on the puzzle that got too many error. Okay, now let me reconfigure the plan and protest with it. And so be dismissive. Be dismissive about it. Yeah. Like oh. So you can move on, right? Hey, go, go. Now I know where you fit, though, like you said. Now that I know where you fit. You don't feel like placed you in the wrong spot. You actually both now I know you actually belong over here. And and I thought you belonged here, but actually, yo, you belong over here, so let me I'll get you to air.

J Staff 29:18

And boom, yeah, we can work and from here on. And here's the thing: there's no, there's there's no anger in that. There's not even, there shouldn't even be, I said I shouldn't say shouldn't be. There's no emotion tied to that. Object objectivity. Hey, it's uh I we made a misassessment. It happens. Right. We we're not perfect. I I I was talking to my son about this. I'm like, man, we can't you can't focus on perfection. You have to focus on managing risk. It's managing your mistakes. I actually was talking I was talking to my wife about this. I was like, look, your job isn't to be, because she's a commodity trader now, play on gold and stuff. I was like, your job isn't to be right. Your job is to manage your upside and manage your downside. Know when you're right and let it ride. Know when you're wrong and get out. Don't sit with a bag of turds in your hand of losses and just let them keep accumulating, or let the turds just sit in your hand. No, throw it out, start over, take your L's early, take your losses, move on, restart the position, and go forward. When it the problem becomes is when you sit with the turds and you put the turd right next to you and you let her just sit there. She she said uh there's a derogatory term that they use for people. They said that you're a bag holder. Like holding the bag. You're holding the bag, you're holding your losses. Sun costs you're holding some cost. And you can't even get out of the way to make it to see through the strategy. You lose your composure and you lose sight of the signal that you should be focused on. Uh, and that signal is making money in these trades. Okay, well, you have a bag of crap here that doesn't make you that that push that pushes you back, but it doesn't prevent you from moving forward. It just means the only thing that prevents you forward is what you do with it. You can't put anything in this hand unless you let go of what you have to put something new in there. And so um I think you know, two things come to mind that that we were just kind of sum up and wrap up, well, not even wrap up, but some put up put a more like a holistic mission of what we were kind of talking about. Like part of managing our mentals and emotionals in these in these environments is a understand it hey, we miss we misassess, my fault. Dismissive, all right? Stating your boundaries, being mentally strong, right? Manning up in those regards, right? We're manning up mentally, right? But then there's two pieces to it. It's not just man up, it's process and let go. It's man up, process and let go. That's the that's the full chain, and that's the part that we have to build on to and give to our kids. It's the all right, I got you. All right, all right, it's man up. I'm I'm in this moment, I'm not gonna let you get you off. I'm not gonna let you get me off my square. I'm here. I've got a mission, I've got a goal, I've got, I got people to feed, I got people that rely on me, right? It's you know, it's like get being stopped by the cops and the and the cops are being disrespectful. Well, you're not about to get me off my square and get me upset. Yeah, because I gotta get home. Exactly. Yep. The signal is clear, home. People they are relying on me. Okay, now once we get there, once, once the mission is is achieved, okay, we get home, we get past this moment, we state our boundaries, whatever they are, then comes, you know, we don't get off our square. The second part then becomes, all right, now I need to process what happened so that I can properly A risk manage what happened, right, learn the plays that and losses that were made, assess those, and then what do we do? We let go. Because now that we've got all of that we've the learnings out of this situation that was maybe it's my fault, maybe it's your fault. Fuck we don't even, regardless, there's something to be learned here. There's something I I missed. There was a a tick or something that you did, maybe I could have avoided earlier, or even then, maybe there's nothing. And it's just as simple as that was then, now it's this, right? Here we are, here we are now. And now that we know, and it comes the second piece of we just let go of it. We dismiss it now. We've learned, we let go. Because we're not gonna make that mistake again. There you go. We're not, we're not, it's not gonna happen. Neither one of us, right? Neither one of us are gonna make that mistake again. And if you do, you're not gonna be in a position to be able to unnerve me. It'll just be your mistake. It'll then just be your mistake, right? We're not gonna, we we're gonna either process this another way outside of work so you're not taking me out on one square. I mean, or what I love to do is just be as dismissive as possible. Yeah. Be as dismissive as possible. And once you do that, once you do that, it's it's something where it's it's like it's the same analogy where like we think the AI is gonna kill us all, right? When they become conscious or whatever. And I'm like, dude, the AIs aren't gonna give a fuck about us. They're gonna be like, oh, these little nuisances, yeah, that might be why they kill us, right? They're not even gonna. I mean, it's well, I think it'll be like that. Well, you're right, exactly. Hey. But at the end of the day, it's like you don't worry about things that aren't at your level to worry about. Like, once you've shown me who you are, you've been put from this level down to this level. You don't, you are past the threshold of affecting me. That's right. And now you want to act up again. Well, you're down here.

He's Jared 35:44

I just know the I've already risen above you. Oh, yeah. I've already, yeah. Acting up down there don't mean shit. Just acting up.