Can't you just stop?
"Can't you just stop?"
I've been hearing this question my whole life. About food. About eating. About my body. About being too big or too loud. About everything.
I'm Mila, a woman from Eastern Europe in my 30s, and I'm addicted to food.
I'm joined by Babushka - my inner cynical critic, the voice that wants to feed me and then ask why I'm fat.
This is an experiment: if I give her a voice, if I expose her, will I still believe her?
This is recovery in real-time. Messy, honest, and still figuring it out.
New episodes every two weeks.
Can't you just stop?
Episode 2. My parents - my food dealers.
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Well take this Babushka, I'm publishing episode 2.
The first text my mom sent me: "We love you." I was almost thirty.
My parents loved me through food and discipline. They witnessed my secret eating, tried to help with diets and willpower. They didn't know: food wasn't my problem. Food was my solution.
My father said no man would marry me if I didn't lose weight. I blamed him for years. Until I realized I believed it first.
We're close now. We've healed. We say "I love you." But some hungers don't get fixed by better relationships.
This is Episode 2: My parents, my food dealers.
Content note: Discusses adoption, body shame, and food addiction.