Called to Preach But CHAOTIC at Home?!

This week Dr. Dee and Oscar are pulling back the curtain. We're unpacking a viral reel that exposed what too many people are living but nobody wants to say out loud: How can you be called to preach and still be completely chaotic at home? Why is the church celebrating image while intimacy is dying behind closed doors?
We're talking covenant over compatibility, character over title, and why sitting in the discomfort is the only way to build something real. If the pew version of your relationship looks nothing like the private version… we're talking to YOU.
🔥 Said what we said.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Y'all ready? This is Off Mute Podcast. I'm Oscar.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

And I'm Dr. D.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Let's talk. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, welcome again today to Off Mute The Podcast. The podcast. This is a podcast where we keep it real with you. We have an opportunity to talk about dating at the 40. And we talk about some of the current topics that are just going on for the day that we'd like to touch on just to see where you all are. And we share with you all some of the experiences that we've had in ourselves and um we've experienced in our life that we'd like to get your insight on. So today, I'm Oscar.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

I'm Dr. D, and you don't look relaxed yet.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Oh, okay. You I you gotta you say that every time I get in this little corner. So you want me out the corner? Okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

No, I want you to I want you to relax There we is.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Am I relaxed now? Am I relaxed? I'm I'm good now. I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Okay, okay. So let's let's get into it today. So, D, we were talking earlier this week and you said that there was a topic that you wanted this uh to discuss, and I'm excited about this one today because we we both had a lot to say on this one. And um, you want to go ahead and lead us off, sweetie? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Um Okay, so the uh and I I could get my phone, I'm gonna get my phone, but the creator of the real that we were talking about, um, because we're gonna talk about the real and what's trending, or at least you know, his real got popular, and I think his name was Aaron, and I want to make sure that I give him credit, so I'm gonna look it up. But nonetheless, he talked about young preachers marrying young and then why some pastors are like I won't say the worst, but he was just pointing out the difficulty it is with being married and being a pastor, and then the fact that churches would not hire a single man, and why is that? Because it was about image. So um, I want to make sure that I give him credit first and foremost. So, yes, his name is I wasn't even close. His name is Nick.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Oh how you how you get Aaron from how you get Aaron from Nick? Oh, okay, okay, got it. So his name is Nick Young. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Nick Young's life. That was the oh man, my bad, Nick. Um, I just gave him a whole maybe it's because I was I was going biblical. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Yeah. But she said something that was really good, though. I mean, the the topic point that he was talking about that we wanted to uh cover on today. We've shared a little bit with you about some of the things that got us to the place where we are now. But this thing, that that tagline that um Nick was talking about, it stood out to us both. And the thing that he said was the image over intimacy.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Image over intimacy.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna hand it off to you so we didn't go ahead and start off with that one today. So what does that even mean? We think about image over intimacy. First off, what does that even mean? What does that mean in the context of what Nick was talking about in church? And what does that have to do with relationships?

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Well, honestly, I thought that you were gonna take it because you were talking about your previous relationship and how it appeared to everybody.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Well, I'm glad you were so uh kind of offered everyone to me. Thank you, ma'am. I was hoping she was gonna do that. She was in the spirit. Oh my god. Y'all hear what I'm saying? All right, we're just having fun. We just having fun. Hey, on a series though, she's right. When you think about that image over intimacy, what does that look like? And I personally had an experience like that where I dealt with somebody in the church, and that person that I dealt with in the church, from the outside looking in, everybody was like, oh, y'all are perfect together, y'all are great, this and that and the other. The image was right, but it was certainly lacking in intimacy. And what I mean by intimacy, I'm not talking about having sex with somebody, but you all understand what I mean when I'm talking about intimacy. What do we do?

SPEAKER_00 4:06

I mean, I'm not gonna go too much into it. I think people are intelligent enough, especially the demographic of people that we're talking about. When you're talking about being into it, somebody is knowing them on a deeper level.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Yes, and that's what I mean. The the intimacy part. So on the outside, it looked like we were and should have been a great couple. But outside of the four walls of the established ministry, it was garbage. And I'm gonna say it just like that because um we both are just different people, and that's fine. You can be different people. The part that I have in that is when you try to make the other person feel less than. That's the part that I don't like, be it male to female or female to male. So the image of what we were and should have been, it was intact. But the intimacy of what we had and what it people probably thought it looked like or should have looked like, it was absent. It just wasn't there. And so that was a personal experience I had. But on the outside, looking in, it looked like it was all together, and that goes right in line with what Nick is talking about, where so I want to highlight a couple of the things that he said in the video, and then let's let's cut this up deep.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Let's go into the the deep cuts of this, right? So he talked about the intimacy um over or image over intimacy. He talked about covenant um and compatibility.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Yeah, he did.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Um, the litmus test being do y'all love the Lord? And I want to talk about that. Um, what was the other thing? I know you like you wrote something down.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

Um that that thing we talked about earlier, you mentioned about the sitting with discomfort.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Oh, sitting with discomfort, especially within the church. Um, so those are kind of the things that stuck out to me about the video. I mean, he went into it, it was a good like three-minute video. But those are some of the things that I like I want to talk about, especially since we're coming off this five-day fast. Because whoo, yeah, your girl, I mean, it and I'm a let me let me keep it a buck with y'all. It has been a while since I have fasted that long. Um, and it was it there were some things that were were revealed to me, and that's another thing that he said. The pulpit doesn't he said something about it just reveals immaturity.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

And I was like, Whoo, so does fasting. Let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Oh my lord.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

I'm just I'm just saying there's a there was a revelation that comes with fasting about who you are, yeah. And it and your approach to God when He's dealing with you when you're fasting. Um, and it sometimes it pinches. So, yeah, so let's get into it. Okay, so I know you talked about the like image part. I don't I don't have enough, I won't say experience. Let me fix myself, okay? You got me out here looking like soup sandwich.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

You here we go with this food again. Everything connects back to food. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

I I don't have enough um I guess dealings with church and dating in the church. Like I said, that's more you for me to speak on the image part because I'm right now on social media, there's so much, there's so much conversation about pastors performing and not really piercing the heart of people when it comes to the word, and it's just a performance. And so I don't have enough of that. Like my image for for me or um as a single woman, there I'm I'm gonna challenge you on that one for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Why? So you said you don't have enough experience with that. I'm I'm gonna challenge that. Okay. So, yes, we know that podcasts that we're doing off mute is more centered on the relationship part. We're talking about an intimate relationship between that of a male and a female. But is that limited to that of just a romantic sense? And my understanding of what you're saying and the experiences that you share with me with things that you've had in ministry, is not just in a romantic sense. So I do think what you share with me is very relevant to what Nick was talking about in the video, but just not in a romantic sense. That makes sense?

SPEAKER_00 8:24

I mean, yeah. Bars. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

All right, all right. But I think I do think you can speak to that because in the end, when we think about that, when it all comes down to a regards to what Nick is getting at in that video that we were uh referencing, when you scale it back and go down to the very core of it, it has everything to do with our expectation of people and how they should perform and how they are actually showing up. So with that, I think you can speak to it. So back over there to you, baby.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Really? You got it. You got it. I really want to just knock it out the park, but I still I I mean, I can only speak to outside relationships. Like I I And that's okay. So again, for me, my image as a single person, what I do in my work doesn't really, like the church doesn't require me to be married, but there's shame in a woman being single, especially at this age. So yeah, I I know that people probably look for a wedding ring when I go to speak in engagements or when I'm on these larger platforms and things like that.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

But I don't think I did. I did when I first came. I was I was checking for you, you know? I was looking for fellas. Hey. If they out there doing their thing, we looking for a ring, right? Bars.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Uh no, stop saying that.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Okay, yes, ma'am. All right.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

I'm just saying there's not as much pressure on what I do when I'm talking about sexual assault or mental health for me to be married. That doesn't that doesn't necessarily diminish my expertise or my platform because I'm not married, where in church it's a little bit different. It's kind of like the same thing with the presidency. Have we ever elected a single man to the the the highest office in this country? I think, and people in the comments, please correct me, because I think only one person in the history of being a president was single, and I think their wife died or something. I can't remember, or was a widower. But either way, it's the same thing. What are the odds of somebody electing a single person to the presidency? Same thing with um, and I've personally seen this in my church growing up. I'm gonna try not to hit my mic. I've personally seen this in when I was growing up, a single man came to the church after our pastor had passed away. And I know some people in my home.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

So, what you mean by a single man came to the church? He came to vie for the position of pastor? Yes. Oh, oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

And again, I know some people from my hometown and people that know me are gonna be like, who? But I say this to say that the the rumors and stuff, and mind you, I'm I don't need I think I'm a teenager at the time. I ain't have no business in adult business anyway, or those conversations, but the fact of the matter that it made it down to the teenagers and the choir and what was going on was crazy. But the fact that there was issues with who he was dating or who he was seeing and and who he you know was going to get married to and in the church at that, like it had to be somebody that was a part of that ministry or something. I don't know. Um I I'm I'm not saying that's was it, but I seen the issues that it brought when a single man is um the pastor.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

Did it really bring issues or were they perceived issues? And again, you know I'm big on words, and so I mean, what what y'all think? Y'all put in the comments what you think on that one as well, but was it really an issue, was it or was it just a perceived issue? Because what I'm hearing her say is that it's almost you're saying in your line of work as a social worker, what I understand is that it's more acceptable to be a single person doing the line of work you're in as a social work. But in Christian, you're saying it's not as acceptable as what I'm hearing.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

I'm not I well, I want to say that I'm not using the word acceptable. I'm saying that doesn't it doesn't diminish my expertise as a single woman doing it?

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Where in Christendom it does. Yes, it actually diminishes instead of lessens your credibility.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Okay, I can see that. That's good. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

So there's that part. There's that part. Okay. And then there's the other part that I thought was really powerful when he talked about covenant over compatibility.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

And he basically said the litmus test in Christendom is do y'all love God? As if somehow because we go to the same church or because we read the Bible that we're compatible.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yeah, you you you got me feeling some kind of way about that one because again, that thing, man, if there's somebody I can tell. There's something that I hear somebody say all the time, they're talking about if you could get, if my present version of me or the present version of you could speak to your younger version, what would you say to them? And in that moment, I would say to my younger version, be who you are and be confident in what God has put you on this planet to do, regardless of what other folks have to say and their thought processes about how you should live your life. And I say that because it comes full circle with everything with that, because we're taught that you got to be like-minded, you gotta be in agreement, and um we understand that agreement party is in fact powerful, but for us, what agreement looks like, you go to church, I go to church, they a match. No, player, it don't work that way at all. Not all the time. It's a good starting point. But Dee shared something with me today that I didn't even know about, is that she shared with me about an experience that she had, is that when she was in a relationship with someone, um, they didn't pray together before they got married, but then when they did get married, at that time it was then discovered she had one posture on prayer, and the other person had a different posture in prayer. In short, no agreement. And so I asked her a question about that, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. I said, Had you known that before the relationship got that serious, would you still have done it? And your response was No.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Um, and he's talking about my previous marriage. I'm not I'm not afraid to say it. I just Well, you said it, I didn't want to say it. Okay, I know. And I appreciate you being tender about it. See how tender can you do?

SPEAKER_02 14:51

That's right, tent tender.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

That's tendernism.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Tendernism, yes, right.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

See, why why you go there?

SPEAKER_00 14:58

I want tendernism to come across the screen.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Oh man, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Oh man. No, I appreciate him being tender about it. But the the fact of the matter is in my previous marriage, um, my um my ex-husband he said to me once that his prayer life is his intimate time with God. And it was it was not something that like I pushed back against. It's not something that I even thought about. I you know, I was like, maybe I'm wrong or something, but in hindsight, I'm like, wait a second, we did not, we definitely did not have a prayer like like life like you and I have at all. Um but that was, you know, the previous episode. If you haven't watched episode two where we talk about praying together while you're dating, you need to go back and look at that.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

But yeah, but I we talked about that as well, and I apologize. I didn't mean to cut you off. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

No, you're you're good.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

All right, but yeah, thinking about that, we that's one thing that came up for me as well is that in a married space, dating space, I get it. I I promise I do. There is a such thing as having the the boundaries in line as far as too much information as opposed to not enough information. But in married space, how private is too private? And that's the thing which I'm saying is that if you've if you've desire to spend the rest of your life with this person, it and I know I'm gonna step on the feet with this, but your prayer life should not be so private when you connect it with another person to spend the balance of your days with.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

Your prayer life? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

And some of y'all might have a different uh difference of opinion about it, and it's okay. We're not saying that it's bad, we're not saying that it's good. And I know our language sounds like that. I'm leaning towards it being a good thing that you pray together. In the end, I think what we are saying is that you have to find what works for you.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Yeah, I mean, challenge it. But what I said to you before was it in marriage, I'm over here, like let today there are many two-income households. Yeah. Many two income households. And if I'm over here working, we've been I've been working for 15 years or something like that, and I'm looking for a promotion, or I'm stepping out on faith to own my own business. I'm over here praying to God, like God elevate me, enlarge my territory. And my husband's like, I want her to stay home. I don't want her to work. Um you got one person in the prayer closet talking about come on, God, do it for me, and the other person in his closet talking about don't do it. Now you can not in agreement. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

But for some people, we can also get on the other side. For some people, it works though. They they absolutely flourish in their relationship operating as silos. Yeah. And that's okay. As for me and this lady, that won't work for me. Is that for me and my house? That's right. We're gonna serve the Lord. But the point is in that, is that you when you said that, that was really good because I was thinking about that, and we how I don't even know how it came up, but we were talking about in regards to with this whole thing dealing with this, this whole um this whole concept that this man Nick was talking about, the whole uh image over intimacy, but with that, we're in we're talking about the whole covenant piece as well, the covenant verses or the covenant over compatibility. When you mentioned that, or when we talked about that earlier, you had mentioned that you had connected it with like an arranged marriage. Speak more on that. How do you talk more about the covenant over compatibility regarding that of an arranged marriage?

SPEAKER_00 18:36

So, who alright.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Or you're gonna behave yourself. You got the look on your face like you're about to cut up. They don't know you like that just yet, but I do. You about to cut up. You something already is going off in your head. What is it? What is it?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Yes, I'm gonna cut up because I like I use humor sometimes, okay?

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

And I like application knowledge, so I like to give people visuals when I'm talking about something and I like examples. I like examples.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Listen, in therapy, sometimes you gotta in visualization, forward thinking, right? Um, solution focused. So, what I said about the arrangement of marriage before people start coming for me already. Stay with me, folks. Stay with me. All right. So when I talked about covenant over compatibility, and again, do you love God? Is that the litmus test? Obviously, we're we're talking about more than just your love for God. We're also talking about being able to um, you know, have conflict without humiliation, is what he was talking about. Um, do you like each other? Do y'all have shared values? Do you have things in common that y'all like to do, right? So when I said arranged marriage, I was referring to in some places where people think that just because culturally, and again, I'm not saying that it doesn't work, y'all should know by now, third episode, or if you've known me long enough, that I don't use absolutes and there's always exceptions. I know that arranged marriages have worked for a very long time in other cultures. What I'm saying is that just because somebody shares the same culture or comes from a certain bloodline, that this arranged marriage that they don't even like each other. But what I say was just because the father comes and says, I'll give you 10 goats for my daughter, you can have her, doesn't mean that it's compatible. And then I went on to the species. What kind of goat? What kind of goat? Just because I got a screaming goat, and then you got a fainting goat, that just because they're the same goats, that you can't put them together. So now every time my screaming goat gets with your fainting goat, he screams and she faints, and then they ain't getting nothing done. That's the same thing. If he's a screaming goat and I'm a fainting goat, every time he opened up his mouth, I'm fainting. We ain't getting nothing done because I'm constantly rigid, ain't moving in nothing. So screaming goats and fainting goats can't be together, and neither can people that are not compatible. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

That's good, that's good. I knew she was gonna cut up with that. I knew she was gonna cut up with a screaming goat and a fainting goat. I'm just sitting there, but that's good that you talked about that because um when we think about that, that's the difference with that covenant versus or the covenant over compatibility part. So that's good, but you said something that jumped out at me as well when we talked about that. You were you had mentioned something about the whole sitting with discomfort. So when we saw the video, we we talked about it a little bit at first, you know, just some of the things that we that just jumped out at us. And the he Nick said something in the video that was really, really good. It's the sitting with discomfort. I admit there are some areas in my life that um I can get better with the sitting with discomfort. And I talked to D and tried to find out from her you got to share more with me about what you think about that sitting with discomfort mean because I hear it one way, but I want to know what your thoughts are on that. And so she had something that she wanted to share about the sitting with discomfort, then I'll share my part. After her, but the sitting with discomfort, I'm not gonna try to overtake this. I'm gonna let I'm gonna let her hit on that one first. But sitting with discomfort, you said that with the covenant overcompatibility.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

No, I'm I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna do this. I'm I'ma just let people know. I'm gonna go deeper into it when we get to deep this. Well, we're gonna hold this? No, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

No, not yet, not yet.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

See, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Hold your goats. Hold your goats a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Whatever float your goat. Bars. I could say that right there. No.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

Yes. Okay, okay, go ahead. Stop playing.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

And sitting with this comfort, again, he's he's trying to get into my other segment of hold this because I really want to teach some people and know that this this this platform that we have in this podcast is to be able to merge a couple of things. We want to merge Christendom, we want to merge culture. Um, and you know, that's why our tagline says we say what we say. We say what we say, um, because it can get uncomfortable. I I will say I'll give you a preview. When you have a family member who's going through something, and they're calling you, especially if they know that you're a praying person or you're somebody of the faith. You ever notice that some people don't call you until they need prayer, or they're like, Oh, I know this person, I'm going through some stuff. I need you to say a prayer for me, or something. It's almost as if they believe that your prayers will somehow make it to heaven faster than theirs, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

But after a while, people get uncomfortable with them just calling me for prayers, like you always going through something. And here's the uncomfortable part. Sometimes the things that people share with us is uncomfortable, and we want to rush them off the phone. We don't want to sit with them. We have family members that are going through things medically.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

See, you you're making me a little uncomfortable now because I ain't gonna sit there and hold you. There's been a couple of times that I I've been on the phone with somebody, and I mean, I think we all guilty of it, but I'm gonna talk about Oscar in that moment. Yes. There are times that I I rush off that phone because I'm like, what you just said.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

I'm like, I don't want to hear it right now. Yes, and and even in doing this work, like I said, you have older if you have an older person in your life who's going through cognitive decline and they cry a lot or they start sundowning. I'm talking to my caretakers right now, especially for my caretakers or older people. It is uncomfortable when they're sundowning. It's uncomfortable when they're going through um the crying phase or forgetting and they get upset. And to be able to sit with that type of discomfort, it it's not always natural. It doesn't come natural for people to just want to be sit with that type of discomfort. And I know we're talking about relationships, but I just want y'all to stay with me for a second in that discomfort. Um, because that person on the other end, whether they are cognitively aware or not, are looking for you to be able to. That's a level of empathy that a lot of people don't tap into. Because empathy is not just saying, I feel bad that you're going through this situation or I hate that for you. It's getting down in the mud with people and sitting with them and saying, This sucks. I like I get it. What's going on with you sucks right now. I would rather somebody get down in the mud with me and say, This sucks, but then also have the ability to say, we can't stay here.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Yes, and that's good that you said that.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Bring me up out of this, and having a partner who can do that as well. Um, I guess I'm gonna get emotional because I'll just share with you, as again, we're coming off this fast. Oscar sat on um WhatsApp with me last night, FaceTime with me, and I was having all types of attacks from 11:30 at night till four o'clock in the morning. I could not go to sleep. Do you know the type of intimacy and empathy that you have to have for a person who's willing to sit with you for hours early in the morning and walk you through spiritually just to be there with you when this is uncomfortable? You're both tired, sleep deprived, and one person is needing to lean on you and not just say, Come up out of it, you'll be all right, call me back if you can't go back to sleep. No, he sat there with me in this, and that's a level of intimacy I think most people would love to see in their partner, in their husbands, let alone in a dating space.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Yeah, and that's really good that you said that because when you think about that whole thing that we saw with Nick's video, what you said was really, really good, and it was so poignant because again, we think about this whole thing in Christendom, we think about what's going on in the dating space. Think about that for a moment. So, people in the church and people that's out there seeing this, you know, if somebody pray good, if somebody do stuff public-facing that's good, that appears to be good, and it is, it's a good thing that they're doing, but there needs to be balance as well. So just because you do good in one area, it means it doesn't automatically mean you do good in the other. They both require you to do equal amounts of work. I share this in with the guys at my job. We talk about this all the time, but I share with them, and they should know that by now, they're watching the podcast, they're gonna know that, hey, we've had that conversation before, and I've shared with them time and time again. I said, it's it's great when I'm in the company of people and they can lead off with the different things that they're doing. That's great. But what happens when an amigal of the hijack take place? What's in your character that'll keep you? That's what I mean by that. So, yeah, it's good to be able to do certain things in one setting, but how do you act in another? In this instance, we're talking about in a relationship versus what you do in church. And so when somebody's going through something, do you have the fortitude and the wherewithal to just sit with them in their discomfort in that moment to just help to navigate them through that, which I think is a great plug for our pastor, Apostle Mike Freeman with Faith City Central. A plug, shame, shameless plug, shameless plug. But um our pastor, he said something, man, that is so powerful, and he said, it's okay. For me, it was simple. He said, It's okay to not be okay sometimes. When he shared that last year at this mental health awareness uh summit we had, that thing blew my mind because I've never heard a person in in the church say that. What I've been taught growing up has always been when you going through something, oh, go pray about it, baby. Or like she just said, go fast about it. What does that mean? What does that mean when I'm working with somebody? I'm in a rel, especially if I'm in a relationship with some calm down, Oscar. Especially when I'm in a relationship with somebody, what does that mean when I'm going through something? Let's say you lost your parent. You lost a loved one. For those of you that know me closely, um, I'll show that later. Never mind, never mind. But you lost someone very, very close to you. What does that look like when you're able to sit with somebody in their discomfort? So oftentimes we have this performance that goes on in the house of the church, but then when they get home, which is your real ministry, where that should be, you have people that's absolutely lacking. One of the things that I didn't like that Nick did in the video, though, it makes it seem like, and maybe you took it from a different place, but the perspective that he gave it from the video made it seem like it was man and not that of a woman. There's women preachers as well. Yeah. There's women preachers that are leading the house of the Lord as well. So I just didn't like the fact that, and I get it, that wasn't, we saw the video, but we want to make sure that we're level set. This ain't just about a man and how he deal with his woman. It has everything to do with a woman and how she deals with her man, too, in the house of the Lord or not?

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Can I just say that, like over there to you, man? No, we are not still in the book.

SPEAKER_02 30:05

You're a Philly fan. You're supposed to catch her joint. Catch it. Go birds. Um Lord.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

I just want to I just want to take this moment to say that you like you used a scientific word when you said amygdala, and that's like it tapped on that geek, didn't it?

SPEAKER_02 30:19

It tapped on that geek a little bit. I'm over here on that.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

That's my man.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

That's right. That's right. Amygalata hijack. What that, yeah. But speak more about that though, on the on a serious note. Speak more about what that, if you find it pertinent to speak to that. I'm sitting there trying to wonder, is that pertinent in this or not?

SPEAKER_00 30:38

Um, I mean, the discomfort part. Um, I just want to I want to round out our our podcast because we gotta come to a close, right? Yeah, we gotta come to a close. We we we we try our best to make sure that we we don't have five, six, seven closings in this. But we also want to be mindful of people's time, because again, Kairos, right? My book. Always a plug. Um in reference to you know, holding that discomfort, whether mental health or Christendom, what I want people to to take away from this and to understand is to lean on um to lean on God's word, but also lean on the accountability, the empathetic part, right? What God has called us to do. Um, if we're gonna be fisher of men and we're going to be going out there and praying with people that are not intimately connected to us, it requires a level of empathy. You to go out and pray for a homeless person or to find yourself out in a sh uh the the supermarket and see a mother crying because she can't get all of her groceries or get food or something, that requires a level of you tapping into some empathy. Whether you pull it from a place of my mother had to go through this or I remember when I didn't, it still requires you to tap into a level of empathy to get down there and go to a place of where you remember. So you cannot connect with somebody on an empathetic level without putting yourself in their shoes.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

This is so good that you're talking about that, D, because when we bring this back holistic, again, the very baseline of everything we're talking about specifically is that about in that dating relationship um arena. Man, you you know pretty good, and there's something that um was dropped on me earlier today. So some it was once said to me, there was a person that I interacted with in my past before, and the person said to me, they were just like, My family said that uh why didn't I give Oscar a try? And I shared with D about that. I said, No, it was quite the other way. I said, in my mind, I saw it, no, why didn't I give them a try? Because I'm thinking about what scripture tells us at that moment, and scripture says that he who finds. Once he who finds, the lady does have to choose back. I know I might get some slack from that from some of y'all viewers, but once the man finds, the woman gotta choose back. And we talked about that in the animal, animal kingdom. My Alabama almost came out, I almost said animal. But we know we know in an animal kingdom that typically the the male is the one who's gonna go out there and find and peacock.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

See what the males do. The males typically have all the feathers and all the fanciness, and they gotta go out there and do the dance.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Oh wow. Let me see that again. So who peacocking now? But in all of that, in all seriousness, the man will choose what they desire, what they want, and the female chooses back. And so we understand that. So when that was said to me, that's what my mind thought about at that moment. I'm like, no, I'm the one who chooses. Men know who you are in Christ, choose who it is that you want. And the thing that God has had to deal with me in this area here, again, for folks that are close and know me, is that that thing took me a while to heal from that. And it was okay because it's okay to not be okay sometimes. But even if you think that you found your one, it's okay. But make no mistake about it, you gotta have agreement in the end of it. You can choose a person, but if they don't choose back, it's all right. Move on to the next because God has great and wonderful things that He has set up for both of you to do as individuals and also collectively.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

My fish.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

Your fish? My fish. Oh my fish. She's giving me the googly eyes now, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 34:43

My fish. All right.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

Stay focused, dog. Stay focused.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Appreciate y'all spending time with us. Um, be on the lookout for this is a good one. I hope y'all liked it. Please make sure y'all share. Um, like, subscribe, share the podcast. It's on all platforms. Listen to us when you're on your drive into work. All those things. Be on the lookout for my book when it I'm I'm going on a book tour. We I'm coming up to Philly.

SPEAKER_02 35:13

We we going on a book tour. You ain't doing this without me.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Uh, we going on a book tour.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

Um, we go together hoard.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

We go toward.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

We go together hoard.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

We're gonna be up and down Eastern Steve Forward. Sorry for y'all people out there in other in other parts of the world. Um, but the book will be available for you guys on the website soon. Um, but I'm Dr. D.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

I'm Oscar. And we said what we said. Love y'all. See you next time.