The State of Black Dating in 2026

What does success really look like in the dating pool — and who gets to define it?

In Episode 4, Dr. Dee and Oscar unpack the trending conversation about dating Black men in 2026. From the hidden economy behind dating successful people to the generational patterns quietly running our relationships, we're getting into all of it.

We also tackle the "traditional woman" conversation — because when men reference traditional values, they often point back to an era when women had no rights. That's not tradition. That's survival dressed up as preference.

Marriage used to be about survival. Today, we need partners who have done the work and come to the table healed. Big difference.

If you're navigating dating, faith, and figuring out what healthy actually looks like — this one is for you.

Said what we said. 🎙️

In this episode:

• The real economy of dating successful men and women
• Generational dating patterns and where they come from
• Traditional values vs. trauma patterns
• Why marriage used to be about survival — and why that has to change
• What it means to come healed into relationship

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Y'all ready? This is All From You Podcast. I'm Oscar.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

And I'm Dr. D.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Let's talk. Hey everybody again. Welcome back. We got episode four. Episode four that's in effect today. Hey, welcome to Off Mute. I'm Oscar.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

I'm Dr. D.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

And we have an exciting uh episode for you guys today. I'm sure you all are gonna be really into this one today, but we'll see. We got a lot of interesting stuff to talk about today, but I'm letting uh D, she's gonna do her part. And then um we came across something real interesting. This one right here calls a bit of a heated moment of fellowship with us, if you will. And a heated moment of fellowship meaning we had a little bit of differences of opinion, but in the end, after we kept talking about it, we realized that we're more in alignment than out of alignment. It's just she gives it from the female perspective, and I give it from a male perspective. So I'm really eager about this one today because we really believe that this is gonna be one of them that uh a lot of you guys are gonna be putting stuff in the comments. You guys probably gonna have a lot to say about this one because this is one of those things that really hits home and it causes a lot of argument within the communities between the male and the female. With that said, women and men. Yes, that's women and men. I can't say male-female.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Why not? What happens with male-female? Ain't that a woman and men?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

That sounds like a species.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

We are a species. You taught me that we're Homo sapiens.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Okay. Women and men. But this is the one that talks about goats. We we matched it. Word? Word? We're talking about goats. We matched the couch, the background today.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

That's right, we do. She likes the whole monochromatic thing. So we today's our gray day. Today's gray day, so that's what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

We don't always match. Y'all know that.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

But not always, but today we're we're doing it.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

So we're doing it today. See, I oh, I thought I lost it for a second. All right, so y'all know how we do. We usually pick a trending topic or something that's going on within the within the culture, relationships, Christendom, and we talk about what some people are putting out on the internet and just offer, you know, our humble opinion about it, our lived experience. Everything's a lived experience. And our heated moment of fellowship was just his lived experience and my lived experience as it relates to this topic. And yeah, I'm sure y'all want to know what the trending topic is, but I always want to give credit to influencers that do that put this out there. So we want to give credit to this young lady who did this post. So let me get my specs.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

And again, we always structured in our in how we go about presenting this information. So we got deep cuts, we got hold this, and we have That's it.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

The real.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

We're gonna talk about the real.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

So that's what this is.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Or are we gonna Are we gonna ever get to the point where you don't know? Are we ever gonna get to the point where you don't have to say the number of episodes? We're gonna be that, like, you're gonna be like, this is episode number 159.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Nah, nah, bro. I can tell you that right now. You know, I I yeah, nah. It's stopping. I just remember that because four is easy for me because I was thinking in Alabama FOE, foe. No? Okay, well.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

FOE.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Four for those of you.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Stay focused. FOE means faith over everything.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Stay focused, please. What's the topic for today, Doctor?

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Okay, so the young lady that we're gonna give is Miss Danielle Lauren. And she wrote The State of Dating Black Men in 2026. Okay, we only three months in.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

We three months into 2026. And so I'm gonna just read a couple of things that she wrote. And again, I I love the fact that she um and she calls herself your corporate BFF. So I want to be her BFF. But she wrote this on her Substack. And again, I I appreciate the fact that she started off her um her post the same that we do, that this is our lived experience, and this is her opinion. So she said a year ago, fresh out of an eight, eight-year, eight-year relationship, I decided I was going to date intentionally.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Well, see, I didn't know that part of it. See, that's new to me that you just said that eight year? Yeah, I didn't realize it was eight years that she was into it, but okay, proceed.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

So she just got out of a whole eight-year relationship. And she said dating in 2026 is an entirely different ecosystem. So um, she, you know, she talks about high value wasn't even a word. And she says, because 99.9% of her experience has been with black men, this is a reflection on what she observed. So here's what she was seeing: supply, demand, and the ego of it all. Successful educated black men are in high demand and they act like it. That's not shade, it's economics. When supply is limited and demand is high, the market shifts in favor of the seller. I agree with that. Okay. She said, now let's flip it. Successful educated black women, we are not rare. We are statistically overperforming in education. We are building businesses, we are buying homes, we are healing, we are therapized, we're evolving. And here's the inconvenient part: we are harder to control. You can't dangle money over us if we're making our own. You can't gaslight us if we've already unpacked our trauma and therapy. You can't tell us to be more feminine when we know exactly who we are. Dating a successful black woman is not hard work, it's reflective work. And not everybody wants to look in the mirror. So, do you want me to continue or you want to just unpack that right there?

SPEAKER_02 5:54

No, we can go the way we did it the other day when we talked about it because as we got into that part, I think it's best to just chunk it down the way that we did. So when she was just talking about the different things in which she's experienced, that in itself gave credence to what we started talking about with regards to you said you agree with it, and then I kind of countered with that or had something else to offer to that. I said I didn't necessarily agree with that. I said, because when you have what's quote unquote a successful black man as well that you're dealing with, we then had the discussion to find out, okay, so let's define success then. So what is it that we're even saying success? How is it that the woman on her side can say she's successful, and then a man on this side saying he's successful? So what does that look like? And so I'm of the impression, I don't exactly know where Dr. D is on that, but I'm of the impression that in this context of what she's talking about, success was limited or it was lined up with that of a monetary value only, is the way in which I understood it.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

But I think she's, and again, um, I mean, she mentioned education and then she mentioned money. So those are the two things that she highlighted. So in that in respect, like I get what you're saying, saying that you know, she's only, you know, the measure of success right now is education and money. And yes, what black women are outperforming black men in terms of education, because we have the you know highest number of um terminal degrees and things like that, black women leading the way and starting businesses um and you know, statistically. So I get what you're saying, but the measure of success, can someone look at a black man who's in government or just you know has a a very decent job no matter where it's at? I'm not saying it has to be in government, but um or even in corporate, if a if a man is able to pay his bills and he's not in a lot of debt, regardless of where he works at, because he could be a franchise owner and only own like one Chick-fil-A or something. But for him, that's that job is demanding. I've seen how people have to, so I can understand how that like might take a toll on dating and relationships when you're that busy. But am I unsuccessful because I only own one Chick-fil-A? Or what about the man who's a teacher? We know that teachers struggle when it comes to money. So is that man also not looked at as successful because he's a teacher and he doesn't make a lot of money? But for him, that's his passion, that's his work. So I understand what you're saying in terms of the measure of success. Everyone's measure of success is different. So Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

And so that was the baseline of the conversation that I thought that it took from what we had. It wasn't our thought, actually, from what I understood. So the the base of the whole conversational piece is that she's saying what it's like dating a black man in today's time is now the conversational pieces centered on success. Yeah. And that's the only part and what jumped out of me because most of us are not really interested in a person being successful. Is that a component of what we're looking for in a whole person? Absolutely. But this is the part that I don't know that most black women know of or understand from. I consider myself to be a successful black man, but before I go any further, I'll go to D. What would your view of me be? And then I'll give what my view of you is. So let's unpack that even right here. So when it comes to just you and I, what do you consider me to be from your experiences with me? And as you as we've been getting to know each other up until this point?

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Um would I consider you a successful black man? Is that what you're asking me?

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Yeah. Would you consider me a successful black man before even getting to know me?

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

So what did you what defined success for you when you saw me? And you at what point did you say he's a successful man?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Um, further into the dating, when I got to know who you were, your ambitions, what you're tied to, your principles, your core values, and stuff like that. It wasn't necessarily money. And I think that's something to be said about this right here in the butt, like I said, I want to give credence to what she said. She said about the control. You can't dangle money in front of us if we're making our own. You can't gaslight us if we're already unpacked our trauma. So I think for me, and I only speak it for me, not for everybody else, the measure of success for me wasn't anything that I was looking for you to fill a gap in, monetarily wise, or anything else, um, because I had already done that. So to me, I'm getting down to the heart of the person.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

That's it. That's it. And the way in which I saw you success was that I looked at you, I saw some of the things in which you did. You gave the appearance of success, but I did not yet know that at all. Because for me, when I define success, and I know there's others out there that see the same thing as well regarding that. Success is a part of it. But I want to know what's in your heart. What is it that you really are about? That way I can say that you're successful. Because, ladies and gentlemen, y'all know as well as I do, I've seen it, she's seen it. You got a lot of people out there, they're good at making money, but personally, they're lousy.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

And when I say they're lousy, meaning they're jerks, they're short, um, they're unkept. I mean, something could be our breath to stink. I mean, you all know just unkept, but they're good at making money. But I said all that to say this is that it seems like the baseline of what she was defining was talking about that is success um of success, but it also seemed like there was an undercurrent to me that there was this control that was this control dynamic. And I can understand, I 100% agree with a sister who would take that posture. If a man trying to push up in your life and he's trying to domineer over you and he's trying to make you submit, that's a problem. No different from a woman coming into your life and trying to make you submit to her.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

And so that's what I'm see, I'm hearing out of the whole post that you share with me is that you got these this dynamic of a person who's talking about success, which we understood to be something dealing with monetary value and that of control. Right. Fact of the matter is there's not a good number of us men now who's trying to just run in. Not not a lot of us, but there are some who wants to control a woman like that. Play games, right? That's something different.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

But you said something, and we talked about it. Um, and I'm I'm trying to be judicious in my words here because the next part she says a lot of men, especially the ones who feel like they are the prize, want ease. They want admiration without accountability. They want to be coddled, affirmed, mothered. They want a woman who adjusts to them, not one who requires them to grow. And so you and I talked about the two different experiences because for you, you've had experiences what you consider successful black women. Yeah. And the dichotomy that happened between the two of you, and for me, having again, I'm trying to use my words, having to find myself in a situation with someone who considered themselves very successful, he very much acted like he was the prize. And that led him to, I can date multiple people, I can go around and be with other people and be honest with me about it, right? Could absolutely call me up and tell me about somebody that he went to go see or that he was messing around with. And I was just supposed to be okay with that because he's dating intentionally and he wants to date multiple people. And I there's nothing wrong with that. Dating multiple people or to, you know, get to know somebody, multiple people at one time, so that you can figure out like what you want, or this person or nothing wrong with that at all. The problem that I had with this successful black man is he very much acted like that. He wanted no accountability. But let me tell him that I'm going on a date with somebody.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

And it was very, it was very difficult. You ain't tell me all that now. See.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

I didn't tell you what.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Why you be waiting for us to go on YouTube?

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Yeah, all of a sudden you be just like, just like you just made me unpack with six minutes.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

You know what?

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Ah, that's all right, though. That's all right. I saw what you did. That's not no. First of all, I have told you that. I did tell you that he said that because it was our first date.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

So you don't remember that conversation?

SPEAKER_02 14:23

That first date was now? Okay. It was one. It was one. You're right, you're right. Okay. As you were saying, I distracted you, my bad. Really?

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Don't you have nobody out here in the interwebs thinking I did not tell you. He is cap. All the way. I did tell him about this conversation because our first date, he kirked out on me on the phone. There was something about me dating him because he knew that I was dating other and look and exploring other people. I can't I don't want to, I shouldn't use that word exploring. That sounds real.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Wow. Man, be careful with your words. I was about to say something now, but you know, go ahead. Go ahead, go ahead, explore.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

If you call me Dora.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Dora, I mean.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Really?

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Do it.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

No.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

Do it.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Anyway, the fact that I was that he was okay with me, or I won't say okay, the fact that he didn't put that kind of energy into me talking to anybody else, but when he found out that it was somebody from my church, that there was a possibility that there was an honorable man in my presence. I mean, he went off on me. Called me stupid, told me I was acting foolish. I mean, he lost his mind. And I made the decision right then and there that he was not the person that I wanted to continue to have in my life. And I thank God I dodged a bullet.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Yeah. And we talked as we were getting ready for today. We we even talked to one of your um co-workers who had a lot to say about the dichotomy of successful black men as it pertains to successful black women. But again, I like what Dr. D said about that. It ain't just about the black-white thing. This this is about a male-female thing, a man-woman thing. And so um it's it goes further than our culture, but we're speaking from the platform of the culture that we've been experienced to as well. But I said that it goes to the point of where we're landing here on this part where we're talking about when we're dealing with success, the part of the matter is that you have to find someone that you're you're seeking balance with. And like she said, I agree with that. It's okay at one point if you're talking to multiple people, if you're trying to find out where the commonality is. But ladies and gentlemen, I got a question for you. This is this is one of those real serious questions in which you see me coming closer to the camera when I say that, because think about that. One of the things that it seems like we have a challenge with when it comes to this male, female, um, the man-woman relationship is that why is it that you have to have somebody rushing in, guns ablazing, and they feel like they need to lord over the other person. And what I mean by that is that I'm you and I talked about it, and that's what me and your your co-worker mentioned as well. If I gotta say to you every other day, I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man, what do you think that's gonna do for her over on that side? She's gonna be thinking a smart woman is gonna be sitting there thinking, if it gotta keep on saying it, then maybe he's not. I learned that years ago in a counseling session that I had. And no different than me with a woman, with her. If D keeps on saying, I'm the woman, I'm the woman, I'm the woman, I'm gonna be like, why you gotta keep telling me that? Just be it. Let's be it. I'm noticing as I'm talking to y'all, I just saw a whole sprinkler system come out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

I mean, you got you got very excited. Your voice elevated. I don't know if y'all knew this, but his octave went up and when he gets like that, he'd be like, calm down with Oscar. He ain't tell us something.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Yeah, not today, because uh this is something that I really want people to get. The fact of the matter is that we oftentimes go into something automatically seeking to disqualify a person without trying to take them through the rigors of qualifying them first. That's the biggest problem that we have. That's a wild thing. It's essential that we go into this thing with willingness of heart and maturity. If you can't go into that relationship with that person with the willingness of heart and maturity, then you're doing the wrong thing, simply put. When I went into this thing with D right from the beginning, after I got past the preliminary, because right, you know, she knows as I shared from her right from the beginning. Knowing what I know, or knowing what I know from the onset of the pre-qualifiers that I had, that she didn't appear to be a prime candidate for me. I didn't want someone who already had kids. In her instance, all of her kids already grown and out. I didn't want somebody who came from a certain background, and I say the background meaning trauma, because I just come out of a relationship with somebody who dealt with a lot of trauma, and they projected it on me. So I didn't want to go through these things again. And knowing what I knew of her right from the beginning, when I saw on her website, when I saw that stuff that she's a CEO of a nonprofit, and I started reading this thing, talking about MST and all this stuff, the military sexual trauma, I said, oh no, baby, I'm good. I'm good. But I said all that on a serious note. Once I got beyond that part of, okay, here's this person who I've met. They seem to be very operative word, balanced, and I'm interested in knowing more of them. At that moment, that's when I made a shift in my mind and said, I know I'm now gonna discover things about this person that's most likely gonna be unsavory. And when I do, I just pray this person has the wherewithal to do the same for me. So when they start seeing things that are unsavory about me, I hope that they have the expectation and that they have the grace as well to extend to me to give me a pass. Y'all know what I mean when I say give you a pass. Yeah, because we have off, we have off days. And it's it's good because I love this about D. She does a marvelous job at telling me that she she's not 100%, just like I'm not in it as well. But when she's not having the best of days, she'll tell me. And then I also cause you to go a little bit deeper than that as well. There are days in which I'm observing her. She don't even have to tell me. I can I can sense it first off, and then next I can pick it up in what I'm seeing first. Or what I'm seeing next, excuse me. So I can sense it first, and then I can see it next. And it's okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

I remember we were dating early. I felt like Holy Spirit was violating all types of HIPAA laws because here we go again. I'm just saying, the Holy Spirit, like, if y'all don't I hope y'all understand what I'm saying when I say Holy Spirit be violating HIPAA laws because it was the discernment that he had with me. He would know something before I even said it. And I would be like, Man, like, why are you violating me? Why are you telling this man all my business? All my business. It would just be days and times where there would be something going on, and he'd be like, You're not telling me the whole truth, or something. I'd be like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

Yeah, you're not telling me all of it.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Bruh, bruh. I would I would, and then that's when I did a lot of inward processing. Something that we later, you know, came to an understanding that I'm an inward processor. And some of that is from therapy, some of that is from being a therapist. I just, I instead.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Some of it you told me, let me jump in. There's some of that you told me as well, that you were silent. Yes. From the previous leadership. And I call it previous leadership that you were under as well. Yeah. And so the previous leadership that I'm talking about that she was under is that the relationships that she was with. So the marriage that she had, I call that the leadership that she was under. So it came a little bit came from that, and some of it came from the dating experiences that you had. So and I knew that.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

So I was an inward processor, and he's an outward processor. Outward in. Out. But let me get to this other one before we get into deep cuts. Cause I want to, I want to get the other. I'm jumping to number three because I want to save number two for deep cuts. But she says in this one, um I'm pro-black and I'm anti-struggle. As a black, as a black people, so much of our collective achievement has come through struggle, survival, endurance, resistance. We've been taught that if it costs you something, it's valuable. If it hurts, it's meaningful. But something, somewhere along the way, that logic bled into love. We normalized chaos as chemistry. We labeled instability as passion. We rebranded inconsistency as he's just figuring it out. And if she stays, she's loyal or she's a ride or die. But I don't want to endure love. I want to rest in it. Yes. I want love to regulate my nervous system, not fry it. I want it to be a refuge from the world, not another battleground. I want consistency without confusion, affection without anxiety, and commitment without coercion.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Struggle built our ancestors. It does not need to be the down payment for my marriage. Not you clocking it.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

I can't. First of all, you should never learn anything that these young people are doing. Oh my gosh. Anyway, that last part right there, struggle love. I I mean, a lot of people, and I mean, you've seen it on the interwebs. We've seen it on Instagram and TikTok and stuff where people from pre that have been in marriages a very long time talk about that like early on and and and stuff like that. And I don't want that to be promoted in the church. I'm not saying it because you you said something earlier about understanding that we all have something about us that we don't like about each other. And you learned that over the years. I as long as my parents known each other and been around people that have been married for a long time. I we know that they'll say things that they don't still don't like about their partner. I still don't like the way he eats or chooses food, or I still don't like the fact that he doesn't roll his socks or whatever it may be, right? It's something about the other person, but I that is outside of struggle. That is outside of abuse. That is outside of um inconsistency and being a stable leader in the home. I have a quote on my um um underneath my signature at work that says any road will lead you somewhere if you don't know where you're going. And I don't want to be in a marriage where my my partner or my husband doesn't know where he's going. That can lead to confusion and leads to a lot of problems. You need to know where you're going. And what I appreciate about Oscar is the directness in his path, the things that he wants, what I saw around your place, your declarations and your confessions.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

Like he's what my declaration. Why are you telling about my business?

SPEAKER_00 25:44

The fact that he knows where he's going and has a plan and uh, you know, something in place. I can get behind that. And I think a lot of women can identify that with being with somebody. Where are you going? Where are you taking us? Because the pathway to hell has been paved with good intentions. And I'll be darned if I live in hell and then die and go to hell because of somebody. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

Stop cussing. I told you.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Okay, well, you it wasn't necessarily a cuss word, it was a reference to a real place.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Yeah, okay, but that that was good that you said that though, because one of the things that she's talking about in that, and I can locate her heart in that, in all of what she's saying, when we take it back full circle, putting everything together now, putting this in a big old snowball. Remember everything she was talking about right from the beginning. She was talking about the dichotomy of what it's like being with a black man, a successful black man in this day and time in a dating situation. And then you hear how she finishes it off by saying that she don't want to, she doesn't want to be in something where she's not gonna be valued, she's not gonna be um, she's not gonna be honored. She she wants someone who's gonna lead her in love. Balance. I hear balance is what she's looking for. And it's absolutely right in what she's talking about as well, because when you're sitting there and thinking about it, that's what we men are desiring as well. We're seeking balance, but it should not come at a cost where you constantly throw up in my face, or that person is constantly throwing up in their other person's face that you got options. And that's what I'm hearing that her is saying is that dealing with these successful black men, it sounds like what she's saying to me ultimately is that this man that she's been involved with, he's constantly reminding her, or frequently reminded her, hey, you good, but I got options. And that is that that is what leads us into those kind of responses where that person says, I don't want confusion, I don't want a struggle, I don't want to, I don't want to be married to something where just saying, okay, because I know you got options with other people, let me just stay in this because I know if I keep you off the market, at least I know I got a good one instead of me not having nothing. And I was talking to somebody the other day about that, um, you know, because it this whole thing that God has given us about relationships, oftentimes I find myself in places and spaces that I'm ministering to people about relationships. But I was talking to this lady, she had just recently celebrated her birthday, but she was just talking about that because she's 40 plus club, um, no kids, never been married. And she was just sharing some of the struggles that she's having as a woman. And she put it in comparison to her siblings. Like she has a sibling that she was uh telling me about that recently got married, and now the sibling is um expecting, and because of that, she felt some kind of way about that. And I said, I get it, I understand. Nothing wrong with that. I said, however, I promise you that it's not just you. Yeah. What she's talking about in the post is this thing where there's a dichotomy of these men that feel privileged, and then we also have a dichotomy of women that feel the same way. And just like you heard Dee say from the beginning, there was something that um we both have been through. She shared a little bit of mine, but I'll share a little bit of mine here. No, she shared a little bit of hers, but I'll share a little bit of mine here as we go forward here. So over to you, Dee.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

No, go ahead, because I want to go into deep cuts after that.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

All right, so one of the things that I dealt with personally, I actually asked somebody, um, it was a relationship before last, before Dee came on the scene. But I was in a relationship with a young lady. I kid you not, I said, what is it about us that's just not clicking? I knew what it was. The person already experienced trauma in their previous marriage, and that was okay. I get it. I was like, okay, it's fine. We all go through stuff. But again, remember when I said that grace and that willingness of heart at that time? I had it towards that person, but that person wasn't extending it to me. But I already knew by holy by revelation of the Holy Spirit what the answer was. But I asked anyway, just to satiate that part. So I asked the person at the time, I said, What do you think it's gonna take for us to work? Do you think, and this is where I did the setup, I said, Do you think I need to listen to you follow your direct? What do you think it is? And I just said it just to give that landing strip for them to go down and land that plane, if you will. And they responded just as I suspected. They said, you know what? You're absolutely right. If you just do what I tell you to do the way I say to do it, we will be okay. I said, wait a minute, wait a minute, let me understand. Not you sitting up. You want me to do what you tell me to do and you say we'll be okay? Yeah, you just do what I tell you to do and we'll be okay. As a man, no ma'am. No, ma'am, because to me, any two-headed item in a house or any two-headed beast in a house, that's a hydra. God ain't about no two-headed monsters in a house. So there's not that. So what do you got? What do you got for us for deep cuts today? I'm I'm just curious to know.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Just throw it at me. I feel like that was a Pastor Dwayne Apossum like type situation.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

A little bit. Hold on.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

You gotta do like what we get in church and be like because we ain't even at the hold this part yet. Um no, I want to, I wanna go deeper. So this this to me is part of our deep cuts. And well, we we we've been in, we've been talking for a minute, but I want to I wanna do this and I wanna go into deep, but I also want to reflect on something that I wrote and bring my mom into this. And y'all know me about my mom. I'm always um, but she said the nostalgia trap. There's a growing romantification of our grandparents' error. I just want a traditional woman, I want someone feminine, I'm old-fashioned. The problem is not tradition, the problem is selective memory. The error looked stable from the outside to parent household, clear gender roles, defined structure. But for many women in that generation, it also meant enduring cheating, abuse, financial dependence, and silence. It meant staying because you had no option. So there goes that option thing. And what I want to bring into this and and go deep is because of who my mother is. And I was just talking to um one of the pastors at church about this, um, in terms of the Jezebel spirit and women back in that and you know, during my mom's time, women weren't even allowed to own property until almost, I think, 1972. And someone, please correct me if I'm wrong, but understand that like between like the 60s when we were going through the civil rights movement and stuff like that, we didn't, we weren't allowed to own property. And so marriage was more for survival, it was more because of it. And I would bring my father and sit that 93-year-old on this couch, and he'll tell you when his parents abandoned him on the farm when he was 10 years old, it's because they couldn't feed everybody at the time. And his mother took the younger of the children and left and moved with another man across the bridge, and she didn't take her older boys with her. She didn't take her older boys with her because she couldn't afford to feed them.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

And so my grandfather went with someone else, left her there with the children on the farm, and was like, I can't till this farm by myself. My dad talked about how he wasn't even allowed to go to school because he had to tend to the farm. It was different back then. So my mother, being like the woman that she was, she didn't want to be controlled either. Not even back then. And as soon as my mother could buy a house, she went and bought her own house and struggled with putting my dad on that deed. You're not about to take this thing that I had to fight for. I understand that. And that has translated into today.

unknown 34:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

When you see women like, I had to, I had to fight for this. Like my life, I had to basically fight. What you mean? Put your name on the D. What you mean, share something with you? When you are telling me that you have options, or you want me to sign a prenup as an an exit strategy. There is no exit strategy. When I say till death do his part, we both gonna be standing at their gates explaining why we're here. What you mean?

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Peter. Oh, I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

Oh, we're threatening with weapons.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

I'm just saying, Peter said be at the gates talking about what y'all doing here. Well, he said, till death do his part. And so he was trying to roll out. So I was like, let's do this.

unknown 34:54

Let's do this.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

No, that was good though.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

But no, I'm in all seriousness, like that's the that's the the stock that I came from. Um, and and the things that I have to break. There's some generational curses that came along with that, and there's some generational trauma that came along with that. That um, as I was sharing with Pastor Ava, I don't think that my mom knew. And man, I mean, the idea of me talking about my name and what my name means has been coming up every time and understanding my my name pronounced or spelled out D-I-A-N-D-R-A. The English version, as in like across the pond, old English version is Diandra, meaning Diane and Sandra. Here in America, people call me DAAndra. Either way, it's a combination of Diane and Sandra. Diane meaning divine, Sandra meaning disruptor. And without even knowing, my mother named me a divine disruptor. I that came to me like just this year, 2026, understanding that I am the curse breaker.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

No, it was last year.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

Was it last year?

SPEAKER_02 36:02

Yeah, it was it was the end of last year. No, no, no. I remember that. That was the end of last year.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Thank you for fact-checking me, my own fact-checker right here. Nonetheless, this brand new revelation at this age of understanding that the seed that my mom planted unknowingly, putting in that in my name. And so, um what I want people to hold is understanding who you are. Yeah, understanding who you are, what you are designed to do, what God, your assignment that you have here in this earth, um and hold on to that, holding on to your your divine purpose, your gifts, your talents, all of those connected, not the same, your assignment and your gifts.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

Because I'm I'm very gifted at baking. I don't think that that's my assignment.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

And let me jump in right there, D, as we as we talk to the whole this part as well. So you said some very poignant things again.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

Uh, shout out again to um Danielle, Danielle Lauren, I think that was her name.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

Yeah, shout out again to Danielle Lauren. If you if you ever come across this video, hey, we'd love to connect with you one day to talk about that. But um, this is an opportunity where I just like to give voice to men as well. D said something that was really, really spot on, you know, know who you are. And it's okay, man, because I've come across an audience of men who's met these successful black women as well. And with these successful women, you know, there comes some territory with it. You know, these women, they come out with a lot of bravado. Oh, I'm this, I'm that, I'm that. You ain't gonna make me that, that, that, that. If you gotta make anyone do anything, that that's most likely not your lady. Be who you are and be led the Holy Spirit and be okay with that. One of the things that I used to say often to um, my brother helped me understand this at a young, young age. When I was growing up, it was a culture of corny meant you were not cool and that you were weird and awkward. Simp. It wasn't a simp. Yeah. It wasn't until I got older, and this is when I was in my early 40s, where I started saying and embracing that thing, I said, you know what? Holy Spirit revealed to me, my corny is my cool. And it's okay. And the first time I said that to my older brother, my older brother said, and he's a street dude. My older brother, like, yeah, man. He's like, You're right, Oscar. He said, You are. He said, Man, I've always looked at you as that dude, meaning that cool dude. You ain't street like us, but you still fit. He said, because your corny is your cool.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

You're about to lose your street, Craig.

SPEAKER_02 38:32

Why? Obama?

SPEAKER_00 38:33

No, I'm not. I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

Oh, see, you being disrespectful now. That's all I know. I got you. I got you. I got your next episode.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

40 and slip.

SPEAKER_02 38:41

But that's what I wanted to share with the men, just the men to know that, you know, it's okay to be who you are, man, because there are sometimes, you know, there are some women that want you to fit this mold, fit that mold, that, that, that, that. And it's okay, but you gotta have willingness of heart. You got to have maturity. And in all of that, you gotta have some agreement because if you don't have any of that, what what's it all for? Because ultimately, nobody don't want to be feeling like a prisoner in anything. We all just want to do this and do it with a great deal.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

I like your corny.

SPEAKER_02 39:15

You do? I appreciate it. I like your corny too. You just don't try to show them your corny. I see this stuff off camera.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

I mean, according to you, the goats was corny.

SPEAKER_02 39:24

The goats conversation. That that was from a previous episode. This baby talking about screaming goats and passing out goats.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

By the way, he called my father and said he wanted his goat to back.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

I did. I paid a dowry for. I did. I did. But traditionally, I've closed us out, but I think you should close us out today.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

No, no. We won't stick with the flow. I this is flowing. Submit to your leadership.

SPEAKER_02 39:50

What does that mean? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 39:52

Close us out.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

You use the cuss word again.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

I did not.

SPEAKER_02 39:55

That cuss word submit, that's a cuss word. Y'all know that submitted. That's gonna be for another episode one day, but that word submit is a cuss word. Man, I was at work and I mentioned that word submit. It was like I cussed at the table, boy. But for a man to submit, submit, you cussing at somebody, boy. But anyway, hey, ladies and gentlemen, this has been a great episode today. Thank you so much for your time. We really enjoyed this. Um, very good topic that we've had today. Again, shout out to Really?

SPEAKER_00 40:23

Danielle? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:24

Danielle Danielle Lauren. Shout out to her, bud. Um, we'll catch y'all next time.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

I'm Dr. D.

SPEAKER_02 40:31

And I'm Oscar. And we said what we said. See y'all next time. Love you.