Renee - Honouring

In this episode, I’m joined by Renee.

We trained together, but she’s taken a very different path. Less structure, less rules, more creativity and depth. This conversation sits inside identity, realness, and what happens when you strip away who you think you are.

Renee works with weaving as a therapeutic process. Not just the outcome, but the act itself. Sitting, creating, and allowing something deeper to come through. The product matters, but the process holds just as much weight.

What stood out straight away was how quickly identity starts to fall apart when you question it. Who are you without your work, without validation, without the story you tell yourself about who you are? She speaks openly about that space where everything external drops away and you’re left with something a bit more raw and a lot less certain.

We also go into realness. Not the polished version. The actual version. The part where you stop performing, stop following rules, and start being honest about what’s actually there. How most of us are conditioned into roles and expectations, and how easy it is to lose ourselves inside that.

There’s also a big piece around relationships. Not trying to fix or change the other person, but being able to sit with them exactly as they are. And the uncomfortable truth that if you can’t do that, you’ve got to question what you’re actually doing in the relationship in the first place.

This one moves deeper than surface level pretty quickly.

Less about answers, more about questioning the things you’ve been blindly accepting as truth.

The question Renee leaves for the next guest is this.

What question would you most often ask yourself if your consideration was self-honouring?

It’s You, Oh Fuck, It’s ME In Session with a Psychotherapist
Hosted by Chad Taylor

No tips.
No fixing.
Just real conversations.

Renee can be found at 

Web: https://weavery.com.au/author/admin/

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/weavehealconnected/

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/rene.bahloo/

Book- https://cxv22j-gy.myshopify.com/    Discount Code: PODCAST20

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/chadtaylor.itsyou/?hl=en

Tiktok- https://www.tiktok.com/@chadtaylor.itsyou?lang=en

Email- chadtaylorpsychotherapy@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:15

I'm Chad Taylor, psychotherapist, author of It's You, Oh Fuck It's Me. No tips, no fixing, just real conversations. So today I've got Renee, and I actually studied with Renee back when I was becoming a therapist. So Renee, who the fuck are you?

SPEAKER_00 0:34

I'm me!

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Um who the fuck am I is a wonderful question to ask because I think that changes in every day and every moment as I learn more about myself and get deeper into who the fuck I am because there's a bunch of fucks, right? And how many do you give? But I I guess if you want to know on a story level, yeah, in this physical world, I happen to be Renee Balou. I studied psychotherapy, policy counseling with you a number of years ago. I've gone on to do my master's, and I'm in this point of transition of how that actually is going to be used in my life. Because I'm not a clinician, I'm much more of a creative. So I have spent many, many years of my life teaching the practice of weaving as a therapeutic modality where I sit with women in circle, not just women, but it seems women get drawn to this work, where we learn how to weave and it opens up this container where we can tap into the wisdom that's inherent in this metaphor that comes through weave and then embrace that in the present moment to speak about things that are present for us and allow the weave to inform that so that we are safely nurtured and held in this sacred container. Yeah, so it's kind of group work.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

Um you think it is quickly? What do you think it is about the weaving?

SPEAKER_01 2:12

What really fascinates me is that it's like straight from nature. So it's this transmutation of what's out there in the natural world, which is a creative process in itself. Yeah, it's been created through the creative energy of the universe, then it's come into our hands, we've transformed it into a material that we can actually use to create something that's utilitarian, practical, or aesthetic. And so there's this whole cycle of um tapping into this creative energy. And it's that creative energy that I'm really interested in. So, you know, uh weaving being one of the most ancient art forms.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Um so the weaving is probably a byproduct the the product you finished with, right? From what I'm hearing, is it's a byproduct of the experience of sitting down and doing the weaving. Would I be right in saying that?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Well, yes, but also paradoxically, no, because you know, there is no hierarchy in it. So it's just as important as the process itself because there's an energetic that's embedded in that that can be tapped into like a memory, you know. So, like talismanic objects have energy, they have soul, and you've created that soul into being through the process. So, you know, it depends on your intentionality, but it can really be something that takes you right back to that learning and really in a safe and a nurturing way, you can access that back again and deepen it further down the line in the process. So the process certainly has a really deep impact, but that doesn't take away from the actual practical um results of it.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Exciting. I'm gonna have to have a look more into it. Like you said, you studied psychotherapy, and so do you do a little bit of clinical work and from memory that you also do a few trips in into Middle Australia and things like that as well?

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Yeah, absolutely. So I do, I've got um private clients that I work with psychotherapeutically and as a spiritual mentor, um, you know, which taps very much into the depth of what I um share through the weaving. Because it's very much on a metaphysical level. Um, but weaving is a connector, so it's connecting all layers of being and making sense of what is present, like the rightness of what is, which is what process works about, like finding out the rightness of what exists in life and then embracing that. And then what I do is take that a step further and weave it in on every level. So then the weaving itself goes further because taking people up to adopted family members of mine up in Arnhem Land, where really a deep part of my heart lies, and immersing ourselves into that landscape in this way of being that reflects the rightness of life and reflects a way of walking that comes through observing and stepping into life in that way. And in a way, it's a way of discovering self or parts of self that never were able to be present because of the environment. And so tapping into that different environment that embraces the weave on such a deep level, um, and then walking with it in this new way with new worldview, new way of looking and seeing what works for us and what doesn't, and having the opportunity then to weave in what works. I like that taking home a talisman that reminds you of that when you forget.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

So if anyone out there listening to this, so it sounds like something that's up their alley, where can they find you? Have you got a website or like what where can people find Renee?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

I'm very present on on Facebook at Renee Baloo, which is my personal page, but Weavery is my business name. So weavery.com.au, although my website needs updating. In the mess of life, but also my Facebook page is Weavery, so that's easy to Yeah, I'll get you to send me some stuff over and I'll put it in the show.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

So for anybody that is listening that thinks I'd like to go on one of Renee's journeys, just reach out. Reach out to Renee directly. So what I've got a thing that I'm doing on this podcast as it flows through and process that so the last guest leaves something for the next guest. And I I seem to be flowing through two podcasts, two guests, and then I do a solo episode. So unfortunately, or fortunately, the last guest was me, which was a solo. I left the question what would collapse if you stopped being right.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Um, for one, my perception that I was right.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Um, yeah, you know, like I think a lot of ego shedding would happen and the emergence of humility or the remembrance of humility, you know. I think that part of me that I really like is that I'm actually okay with not being right because I really like finding these things that I haven't noticed, right? Because I think I'm right a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Like I had no idea who was coming on the podcast when I wrote that question down or spoke it out at the end of the last podcast. But I think this question is really suited to you universally because I think you're somebody who can speak to going deeper than being right, going deeper than that egocentricity of who I think I am, who am I behind being a weaver, behind being a therapist, behind I know, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Yeah, and and I find that this is an interesting one because part of this identity, you know, when you say, oh, being a weaver, being this person, I just did this massive project bringing an indigenous woman from Arnhem Land and a Bushman woman from the Kalahari together and me and presented this cultural experience where I was right in the middle of it, you know, and there's an identity in that, and people go, wow, you're doing such amazing work. And you know, when it's done, it's like it never happened. And I'm like, I don't even know who I am right now because that's not present, you know. So there's a part of me that actually like gets validation from hearing from others, you know, this beautiful work that I do. But then there's me that goes, Well, who the fuck are you anyway? Because in those moments where that's not present and the validation is like faded into the social media distance, like two days afterwards, then who am I? Because am I, you know, do I gain my sense of validation or my sense of who I am from the validation of those around me? Or what is it that holds the meanness of me? And so, you know, coming back to that question of like, what would happen if what seemed to be right was shown up wasn't right, you know? I think that we need these things. I certainly do. I need to be challenged by these questions because when I'm asking the question of myself, well, who the hell am I beyond what I do in the world and how I perceive myself to be? Like only then do the answers start to show themselves. And part of my identity is that I do have this worldview and this choice of life practice that is like, I don't want to follow the norm of Western culture. I don't want to be a clinician because I'd have to go in and work according to somebody else's schedule, even if it is, you know, something that brings me back money or brings me back things that have um bring comfort. You know, I would much prefer to walk with the universe unfolding like I did my masters, not because I had an end result in mind, but because I felt like that was the message that I was reading that I needed to follow. Yeah. But and and and I value that way of life. It feels more authentic, it feels more following this creation process where there's no predetermined outcome, but I let go to the wisdom of what is present and follow that. It's like riding the horse backwards, right? But even that, there is an identity in that. So when I sit like I am in the moment, part of me feels it's like it's an identity crisis that leads me to procrastinating and not knowing what's showing itself next. These questions when I go, what is the rightness in that helps me to then find my grounding again in the depth of who I am and what it is that I hold most valuable in life. Is it about this outside story where I'm earning a decent income or not? Or is it about the freedom that that brings me? Or is it about the flexibility that I have to give to my family? Where, you know, I'm always available for my daughters who now, you know, I'm just like empty nesting. I'm not ready. She's still here, but she's finished school last year. So there's all these unknowns. So it helps me to know that even the rightness of what I thought was being, you know, that guidance force leading my life is even in question because there's a gem there waiting to be unfolded. And that beginner's mind where you're able to receive the fact that you're not right, do you know? Like that then opens up, like this is a trusting that for that to happen. It's like having to trust that that will unfold, do you know, will lead me to a depth that I seek that is more than what I can imagine in this moment, you know, and there's a discomfort in that because there's like, well, I don't know that that's even right. So even that question's like, like, what's the rightness of anything? Yeah, and when does it begin and end?

SPEAKER_02 12:38

I do think that we need more people like you with master's degrees in places like this to change the system, right? Like the best place to change a system is from within side of it. So maybe Yeah. And we'll skip over this now, but maybe part of your journey is to I'm pretty sure both Jesus and the Dalai Lama talked about learn the rules well so you know how to break them. That to dismantle stuff needs to almost be dismantled from the inside. So I think the more people like you and I are the rule breakers of the world that we all went to uni with. I think the more of us alternatives that can come into a system that's got such structure and dismantles from the inside. And I know from my supervisor used to her biggest worry at the start was that I wore a hat and didn't wear a cloth to work and I didn't wear shoes to therapy office. I wear them in winter 'cause I'm cold. But I don't have any on now, and I haven't had any on. I don't have work clothes and home clothes, I have clothes, and it doesn't matter if I'm going to the office or to the beach. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I want to be me. I guess leading into the book, I sent you a copy of my book. What do you think stood out from the book for you? What's a few little things, any sort of concept that stood out?

SPEAKER_01 13:49

I mean, what really stood out for me is this um like the value of being real, you know? Like, and it doesn't matter what that real looks like. Like, I mean, your way might be, you know, like what the fuck, blah blah blah, you know, and and I say blah blah blah not to be blasé, but do you know there's kind of like the blah blah blah also goes around like, so why do I have to wear like proper clothes when I'm in a therapy office? I mean, like it's about realness, and realness is for me is about being 100% relational, not only with everything around us, but with everything inside us, you know, and once we can be attuned to that relationality and that realness, then we can share that outwards. And through the practice of attunement, that we will be drawing people then that recognize that and that vibe with that. And that, and I and I actually think that this is what the world needs because we're sitting so much in a space of rules, increasing rules, that we've forgotten what's real, you know, and and because rules are defined by what's right and wrong, or like if you don't follow the rule, you're wrong, and the right way is to follow the rule, and then there's punishment if you don't, in some way or another, do you know, overt or not, like we have begin to have this inner sense of restriction, restriction of self.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

Yeah, and that's the basis of relationships. It is in the book. If we can see that if we can see that two people meet, yeah, and they can be their authentic self, yeah. This is something that I realized in the last probably ten years of my life that when I met my partner Sophie, it's like she's not a project, right? I'm not there looking, oh yeah, she's this person and with a bit of love, she could be a really great person. It's like if I couldn't stay with this woman, if I couldn't stay with this woman exactly how she is now without needing to mould her and like a piece of clay or a project, or yeah. If I can't do that, then what the fuck am I doing? But I see this day in, day out in therapy, the people around us get the worst of us.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

But there's a lot of therapists who need fucking therapy.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Oh, I mean, I think most therapists go into studying therapy because they need it themselves, and then they go on to share in whichever way they do, to whichever degree of healing they've experienced. I'm not saying that's for everybody, but I do agree that that is quite common, you know, and it's not necessarily a bad thing to teach from practice, however, as long as you're on the other side of it or moving towards it.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

I love the analogy of we've fallen into a hole and we know the way out, right? And we can help another client get up out, but I'm falling into multiple holes all the fucking time, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:47

And I think there's such a beauty in that because process work specifically allows us, uh not just allows us, but like promotes that as a practice, promotes realness as a practice, not rule following. So we're not gonna be then projecting rules onto the people we sit with. We're gonna be watching what's present and watching it with compassion and love and amazement and going, wow, that's so interesting that you know this is bringing coming up for you because it's coming up for me too. And I can admit the things where I'm wrong, and that's gonna actually enhance the process of realness that's unfolding together for us to uncover what's actually really speaking through this.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

That probably that probably leads into my next question, which is a it's a tough one because it's a personal one. What does unconsciousness cost you in your relationships throughout your life? What do you think unconsciousness has cost you? Professional, friends, intimate, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

I mean, well, you know, there's a thing about awareness, yeah. And so, like my marriage broke up 13 years ago, and I mean there's a lot of things at play in that. And do you know, not to say that it was a perfect pairing in the first place, but for one, my unconsciousness allowed me to step into that and gloss over things that would have shown themselves up if I had had this knowledge already. And then within and throughout the relationship, I still had that way where after relationship broke up, suddenly I was thrown into this space where I just needed to learn and wanted to learn and go, what was my responsibility in that that I didn't follow up? And lots of it was about honoring self, you know, honoring self, which is for me now a major thing. It's like, what does that look like? What does it look like to honor yourself? Not just honoring others, but honoring self within the benevolence to others, you know, as a priority.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

So, like what I love to hear that because what what I see a lot a lot at the moment is I see people making a business model almost off being a victim. And I'm a narcissistic recovery coach, and I can I can almost get on Instagram and bleed my heart out about what the narcissist did to me and five ways to recover from narcissistic abuse and all this point. Meanwhile, I'm a guy with big tattoos and I'm clearly on steroids. And it's almost like my joke in the comments is this reminds me a bit of the skip who's on first. It's almost like, oh, is it a window or is it a mirror? And I think the whole of life is exactly what you just said. Then it's refreshing to hear somebody say, because I'm the same as you, I haven't been that great in relationships up until now. And it's easy, it's easy to want to talk about what they did wrong, but when we start to talk about what we did, what we may have not wrong even.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

What we even chose them in the first place, and just what you said. It's like, why would I choose somebody if I thought they had potential and I wanted to change them? Do you know? And I know that love will change everything. No, what's actually present right now in this moment, and who am I choosing to be within this? You know, like, do I need them to complete me? Right? Can I allow them to be exactly who they are, knowing that I am complete already? I am already in the space where I know I can honor myself and do.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

I love to hear that. And because these are pretty short, I kind of on purpose almost just like call time out, but we're at that point where I am going to ask you if generally the previous guest will leave something for the next guest, okay? It's either a sentence, a question, a statement, no teaching, just one line. And I usually put this on people without telling them. Just what do you want to leave the next guest for now?

SPEAKER_00 21:20

What I'm most curious about is something about the present moment. So like how do people experience the present moment and embrace it as a guidance force in honoring self?

SPEAKER_02 21:43

So how do you use the present moment?

SPEAKER_01 21:48

I'm still trying to formulate it, right? So I'm thinking, you notice I'm looking all over the place. Oh wow, process work going wild, right? Um, and I'm looking out at the trees and I'm like asking, what is it about this question that really has impact for me? But I guess it's for me like, what question do I ask myself the most? What question would you most often ask yourself? If your consideration was self-honouring.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

What question would you most often ask yourself if your consideration was self-honouring? And that's where we'll leave it.