Episode 7- Modern Dating in Your 20s: Love Bombing, Ghosting & Self-Worth

In this episode, Morgan chats through her experience with modern dating in her 20s.

We get into red flags, green flags, love bombing, ghosting and some of the funny stories that come with it. We also touch on loneliness, self-worth and the pressure that can creep in when everyone around you seems to be in a relationship.

A very honest, slightly chaotic but grounding chat about dating, growth and why it can start to feel more empowering in your late 20s when you’ve done the self-work and learned from life’s experiences.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Mood Swings, the potty for the good, the messy, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Basically, it's just us, two friends, a naturopath and a nurse, oversharing stories, swapping insights, and chatting all things womanhood, motherhood, and the beautiful chaos of life. So let's get comfy, pull yourself a cupper or a mug, and let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Is your mic on? Yeah. Okay. Hello. Just making sure. Get comfy. How are you? Tricky mics. I know.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Always tricking us. Playing uh playing games with us. They were charged overnight, so if they die, that is not a me problem. That's a men problem. It's always a then problem. It's never a me problem.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

We didn't actually tell the people what we were chatting about today. So I'm gonna just open that forum up for them to know. So we're actually we're getting into um a bit of Morgan's dating world. Because why not? Why not? Dating in the modern world.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Um, talking about red flags, boundaries, I've learned it all the hard way.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

So I feel like I've got I think I actually have some quite some good advice because I think that I've learned everything literally the hard way.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Really?

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Which is the best way to learn.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Well, I can't wait to hear it. But before we get into that, let's quickly swing on. Should we?

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Swing on. Mood swing time.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Mood swing!

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Oh, did you press record? I think so. Yeah, yes. Oh my god, now I'm gonna have to double check because I don't know. One sec. Yeah, I did. Perfect, perfect.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

I think with like oh, I was gonna say something. I'm just gonna backtrack there. Why? Anyways, no, no reason. Okay. Um, so yes. Do you have a mood swing or are you still thinking?

SPEAKER_02 2:08

Yeah, I think I have a few mood swings for this week, so I'm just gonna touch on them a bit lightly. Okay. Um, they actually are positives again, but they come from like a bit of a negative, so like gets a negative to a positive.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

So last weekend and the weekend before, I had two big like social events around people that aren't my close friends. And I haven't really had social events lately, like in that kind of I don't know, with people I don't know very well. And it made me really nervous, and it made me realize how fucking awkward cookie I can be. Awkward cookie. Awkward cookie, like I just felt like an absolute weirdo. I think I was all in my head, and I left both weekends thinking, oh my god, everyone thinks you're so weird. Like I literally got into my own head really bad. Like, really, I was like, oh my god, you're the weirdest, most awkwardest person in the entire world, and why would anyone ever want to talk to you? That's where I was at. Low-key, I think sometimes people do think that about us, but actually they do think that. But I mean that's what makes us ask, right? Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I kept telling myself. I was like, the people that love me love me because I am a little bit weird. Yeah, awkward cook on. Exactly. I'm gonna awkward cook on. But I think what it was is like my inability to have like small talk now, which I don't think is a positive. Like, I think like there is beauty in small talk and getting to know people on like a surface level first.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

I guess um, but we're two very deep chatters, yeah. Like, and we just waffle on.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Waffle. So I'm going over here, and yeah, I just watch their eyes almost go into the back of their head. Like, what the fuck is she talking about?

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Before we were talking about how work become the undertaker.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

She's they're looking at me like, okay, she's proper weird, and then I start getting in my own head, and then I just have to say, I'm going to the toilet.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Like, I just have to leave. Um, I'm just I'll be back. I have to go look at myself in the mirror.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

You're like, what are you doing? What are you doing? Can you just be?

unknown 4:17

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

So because of that, like I won't dwell on that too much because I have been thinking about it a lot, like the past two weeks, and it led me into like, I don't know, like, I think I just ended up being a lot more kinder to myself, and yeah, I just ended on the fact that this is me, and sometimes I am awkward, and sometimes I'm not, and we just have to roll with whatever my body wants to do in that moment. Absolutely, just roll with the quirks, yeah, and yeah, to not be so hard on myself. And in saying that, I think because the last two weeks I have been like constantly saying to myself, be kind, be kind, be kind. I'm about to get my period in two days. And I was saying to you before, I feel all emotional, but like in such a positive way. Like, I feel like really like mushy, and I just want to get all snuggled in and like watch a movie and have some hot shocking.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

She's got she's got love tears behind there. She's ready to just have a little stream come down. Yeah, exactly. Um, so nice. That's so nice. I think it's nice to be able to understand like when you're going through that stage of like where your cycle is and being like, okay, this is my little bit more of my TLC tender side, like I need to honor that. It's good.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Which I have been doing this month because I did it last month. Sometimes you need to cry at the doggy videos, yeah. And I have been, or like I've been like cackling at one, like literally cackling, crying, and then the next crying at punch because punch's orangutanga's been taken from him. Have you seen Who's Punch? Oh, that's another story for another time. The audience will know.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

The audience will know, yeah. Me not so much.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

I will update you later.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Yeah, I'm just so behind.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

No, okay, no, that's what I didn't tell you. So Punch is this little monkey in Japan, and he's gone viral because he was getting bullied by his mum, and his mum wasn't accepting him. And then the whole um enclosure was also bullying him. He was a baby.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Is that why he's called Punch?

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Yeah, maybe. He's being punched up. He was, he was being punched up. And the people that works there gave him a little stuffed orangutan that he runs back to and cuddles. And then when the feeders come out, he has one favourite feeder, which is this young man. And as soon as Punch sees him, he runs through the door, jumps off at his leg, and latches on. And then the feeder like really struggles to get out because Punch, he'll put the orangutan down. Punch will go and look at the orangutan, he'll put food to like lure him down, and then as the feeder is like leaving, Punch will turn around, see that he's going, and like run back and lunch back on. That's so sweet. It's so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Really sad that he's being, you know, bullied by his whole family. Yeah. It's worthwhile watching. Yeah, I might have to have a little goog. Have a little goog. Um, I don't know if you can hear it in our mics, because you know, we're not, we're not, we're not famous podcasters yet. We're just in my living space, dining space, kitchen space, whatever you want to call it. Just the just the middle of it all. But um my neighbour is like doing something just doing some rena's and good for him, but great for us. All I can hear is this tap taparooing, and it's like, oh my lord, I wanna go. It's relentless.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

It's relentless. I did actually forget about it. I like it. And I now have reminded you. No, it comes in and comes out. Like I forget, and then it goes and then it comes back. But it's okay, we move on.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

We move on. Well, I loved your little mood swing. Thank you. Um, my mood swing is actually pretty positive. Well, I like to think it is, so my car dilemma last week. We were concerned. Concerned, thought, oh shit, it's the engine. We gotta get a new car. Unfortunately, no new car yet, but fortunately, only a couple hundred dollars and should be fixed either today or tomorrow. So I've got my little Mazda for a She's up and running. Yeah, for a for a little while longer before I have to um upgrade the car.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

I was a bit worried for a second there. I was like, oh god, here we go.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

I know.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

But I was also excited to drive around the new green beast.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

The new green beast. Do you like the green color? I don't like green. I like green. I love green. So that's mine. Pretty pretty quick and easy.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Look at us wrapping it up so quickly this week. We're doing amazing.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

We are no waffling from the here comes the waffle. So Cameron was telling me um that one of our friends, he has been listening to our podcast.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

No way.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

A man? Yeah, I'll tell you who it is later. He was like saying that is we're doing pretty good, but we both waffle on. And like, look, yeah, yeah. I'm a waffler.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

We're both waffleers. And as soon as you get us on a topic that we want to waffle about, which is 95% of topics.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Yeah, well, I think that's why we wanted to do a podcast in the first place. It wasn't because we wanted to like be precise. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Uh no.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

We wanted to talk to all of you guys, but also we just wanted to talk to each other.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

This is our weekly catch-up.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

And then this is like, we you know, we we're just doing things. We're waffles. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

So he said we're doing good, but we waffle a lot. That was his critique. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

So maybe um a little less waffle.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Or maybe we could bring him on and see how he goes in the spotlight.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Yeah, well, you know, the invite will be there. And if you want to take and accept that, we'll see how good you are with your uh conciseness.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Yeah, it's a conciseness. Is that a word? That is anywho.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

But I'm actually really keen to get into this because I feel nice and lighthearted this week. Super lighthearted, but also maybe like more like interview style. Yeah, okay. Like I'm just so let's just background, okay, so we can give the people a bit of context. How's your dating life been the last five years?

SPEAKER_02 10:35

Last five years, I have to remember how old I am. Okay, so I'm 29, so 24 through to 29. Um eventful.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Eventful.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Eventful. It has been yeah, eventful would be the only word for it. I've learnt a lot for sure. Um yeah, I didn't think this is what my late 20s would look like. I'm not gonna lie. No way.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Did you think that you were gonna be in a in a long-term relationship and like you know, doing all of those life chapters now? Um, do you find sometimes that you put a bit of pressure on yourself to get to that point? Because it's like society puts that pressure on you or not anymore.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Thank god. There's something beautiful, I don't know, something happens at the age of 28, 29. It's really weird. Something flips in your brain. It's very bizarre because I was always like when I had my long-term relationship when I was about 23, when we broke up, I actually thought the world was ending because you know, we were planning that early to buy a house together, to have children. Like, I literally thought at 23 that's what my life was going to be because I wasn't really career driven then either. Um so I think that always played into it. I hadn't found what career I wanted to go into, so I think I always put my outlet into men instead of a like a passion because I hadn't found what lit me up yet. So that was definitely a big thing. Um but no, I feel like now there's no pressure whatsoever. Thank freaking God, because oh my god, the stints of loneliness. I think when everyone around you is in a relationship, they have been really heavy. So I'm glad that that's not something that I've experienced in the last few more maybe years or two.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Thank God. Because they definitely have been there, yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

And and I'm see, like I'm coming from a totally different end. Can you explain?

SPEAKER_02 12:45

Yeah, you explain your end part.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

So I was before I was with Cameron, I was in a long-term relationship as well, like three and a bit years, and um that was like from high school, and then I separated from him and was like with Cameron maybe like nine months later.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Yeah, wow.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

So I and I've never really been like in the dating scene.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Like I've never, wow.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

I I did one time do a Tinder date and I was just like never again. Like I'd rather mate someone at a club. Yeah. It was just but now it's so different. Like I think 95% of my not 95%, that's such a wrong start, but most of my girlfriends now have met their long-term partners through Tinder or through some sort of dating site and are either married or have kids with them. Or or not, but like it's just that the dating world is so different.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

It's really different. And I can't like I can't speak to it too much because there's been a long period of my life. Like, I think if I think back to yeah, after my long-term relationship, and to put it in perspective, when I say long-term relationship, I mean a year, that's the longest I've had, except for my high school boyfriend, so we won't count that. When I came back from England to Australia, I kind of intentionally did not date for a really long time. So, like from maybe 23 to let's say 27, like I did not I didn't date, I didn't sleep with anyone. All my friends were in relationships. I was I wasn't even really interacting with men in like a flirtatious way. It was only ever like a very platonic way because they were the boyfriends of my friends.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

So like for that part of my 20s, like I actually think that my body like I think I just put in my head, well.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Did you go through like a bit of a rejection? Like you were just like you just didn't want you didn't desire.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

I didn't desire it. I think my heart was so broken after my partner that I had to leave in England, and I think because it was kind of like countries that separated us, yeah. I actually think that I was so shattered on reflection.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Do you think if it wasn't the countries that you two may have still been together?

SPEAKER_02 15:31

We would be, but it wouldn't have been a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

So I'm very grateful that we're not. But hindsight is such a good phase. Yeah, like I'm so happy that we're separated and like he's got a beautiful family now in Yorkshire, and like I still follow him and his girlfriend on or wife, or whatever she is now on um Instagram. Like it's still, you know, if I ever went there, I would definitely go and visit him and go and meet his daughter. But um, no. Oh my gosh, so incompatible. My god.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

I guess as well, like you probably aren't the same person you were back then.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Oh no, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

And I think this is like the thing with relationships. Like my husband and I we met when we were like 19.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

I don't think I'm the same person that I was back then, and I don't think he is the same person either. It'd be weird if you're gonna be able to do it. We have similarities, like we still have certain things, but we've both grown. And I think like either life grows with you as a unit or it grows apart, and then that's where you sort of see the cracks in the foundations.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

It's a moving organism. I heard someone say one time, and I loved that term, was like, and like because it's alive, like it needs to be fed. As soon as it's not fed, it will die. Like it's a living, breathing, moving.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Relationships are so complex, like it's just insane to me. But are you seeing anyone right now?

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Ooh, jump right into it. Right into it. Well, right this second, seeing would be a big word. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

But what would you use that? What would what would the term be then?

SPEAKER_02 17:23

Well, I did meet someone um at Christmas time. I went out, so you know how we had our little night out at Felance where we got a little bit crazy. Yeah. So at Christmas time, I always get a bit weird and a bit frisky. I'm like, oh, like I just want to go out all the time. You feel festive? I feel very festive, I feel so social. I was even day one of my period, very unlike me to want to go all the way into the city again. But I was like, my sister was out and I was like, Stop it. I am I'm making this work. Yeah. Um, and I when I'm out with my friends, I'm out with my friends. Like, I am not looking around to see if men are around. Like, I'm just not. Like, what are you laughing at?

SPEAKER_00 18:04

I just fully remembered that that night and remember we saw that guy next to me, and he had the bald head.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

So I can't know what's in the story.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Oh my god, we have to tell the people okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

So backtrack actually. So Mo and I went out the night before. We went a little bit crazy, won't go into details, but we were talking about like what we're attracted to like in dating people. Tell me if I'm not remembering this correctly.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

No, you you would yeah, that's right. You were saying like what we're attracted to, but then you said to me, Oh, actually, the night before you went on a date with this guy.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

Oh, wait, no, yeah, yeah. That was and it was giving like older man weird vibes. Oh, weird, it was so weird. That was that was a um hinge date. Um, but I said to you, with this still rings very true. I have, I don't know if you want to call it a fetish, but I am so attracted to a bald head. I always have been my whole life. I love a bald head. I have to peel the layers back here. What is it? I don't I think it shows, I don't know. Like, I remember even going to the gym when I was in grade nine, and they used to be the older man working out and he had a bald head, and I was so attracted to him. Is it because like I love no hair?

SPEAKER_00 19:20

No hair, no hair.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

I love it. I just like almost like the shiny look. I it turns me on. It turns me on. I've got I can't I can't answer anything else.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

I honestly can't because my father-in-law has a bald head, and all I'm thinking about is like I just it's weird.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

That's what Noah when men like get so anxious about losing their hair and they get like hair transplants and stuff. And I'm thinking in my brain, surely I'm not the only one that loves a bald head.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

No, I think some people are very attracted to the bald head.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Yeah, I love a bald head.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

I don't know, maybe it makes them look a little bit more like chiseled and I think it's like the rough I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Maybe a bit more rough, like I don't know. But anyway, the funny part of the story was I'm like yelling, I love a man with a bald head right behind me.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Literally sitting by himself, may I add. Like he wasn't hanging out with anyone, it was just you know, comfortable sitting there having a bivvy by himself. And I'm yelling, and you're yelling, I'm so attracted to bald men.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

He's got a bald man.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

He I could see his ear tuned in to our convo, and he was like, I'm on here.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

And I think he thought that I was talking about him. And I'm like, no three.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

He was probably getting a half drop thinking, um, I'm on, I'm on. He's like, fuck yeah, the the no hairs power off.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

And you just saw me go so awkward. I was like, oh my god, does he think this is the way I'm flirting with it? Because it's not.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

You and I could not stop laughing for about 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

So good.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

And also the food was just insane. So it was just so good. Everything was just a lot. It was a lot, but that was so funny. But hang on, wait, we have fully We've circled around.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

We've gone off the rails. So that was the night before. That's the tracks. And then the day after.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

Day after, yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

What I was saying is when I go out with my friends, I'm very focused on my friends. That's not intentional, like it's literally just the way I am. Like, I've always said someone could be getting murdered next to me and I will not know what's happening because I'm literally just so in the zone in the zone of who I'm with. I don't really observe what's around me. And I think that's half the reason why I don't think I've ever met anyone out, is because like no one is ever going to want to interrupt how close I am with my friends. Yeah. Which is nice.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Like, don't also I don't think you're giving the sex eyes. You're not ever I'm never giving the sex eyes. Yeah, you're not like giving like hey.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

I should I want to learn how to give the sex eyes, but I'm never giving the sex size, like ever. That's something I've never done.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Honestly, I don't know how to do them anymore. But I'd well, I would do them to Cam in the club, being like, you know, let's go. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

I want to learn how to do the sex eyes.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

You just know.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Anywho, I was with my sister's friend, and she's just a really chatty, lovely person. And she ended up, I went to the toilet, came back, she was talking to this group boys. And I've come back from the toilet and I'm like, what the frick? They're all sitting around a pill table and they're all talking to each other. Anyway, I've gone and sat next to them and I've kind of got a grump on. I'm like, why are these boys ruining my night? Like, I'm with the girls. Anywho, I started talking about Sam Fender, one of my favourite singers. And then this guy goes, Oh, I was just at his concert. And I was like, Oh shit. So wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Then you got a little tingle.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Oh yeah. And then my eyes locked in. You got a tingle. My eyes locked in. And I was like, hang on a second. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

You locked in with him. When you look in with someone and you give them contact in the eyes, that's boom. Eyes.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Eyes. Yes. Well, maybe I was doing that. I don't know. I was pretty drunk by this stage.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

And I was wearing all black, so I was feeling like very kind of seductive.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Chic. Very chic. Very. And I was very drunk.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

So very, very like, I'm ready to fuck.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

No. Tried to come back to my house and I was like, no. And still. Absolutely not. I've never been a I've never been a first night kind of person. I don't know why, but I've never been like that. Just I think I get really nervous. And I think I have to I need to know someone a bit before we have sex.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Yeah, so fair.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Um, but anyway, seeing would be a huge term that we're not using, but have we been talking and hanging out? Yes. And has it been nice and have I felt like very mature in it compared to like previous people? Yeah. Oh, that's good. You grow a lot from like the the experiences, right? Definitely. So I think the way I date now as a 29-year-old compared to how I even dated as a 27-year-old is completely different, which is so cool.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

So can you tell me what um over the over the times that you've obviously been dating and you've matured and you've learned things, like what are some red flags that you will absolutely not ignore?

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Okay. Oh, absolutely ignore. Oh, absolutely. I mean, yeah. Wait, you know what I mean. Right, red flags I will not ignore. Now, yeah. This is this is a big one. This is a really, really big one.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

I feel like lots of women ignore red flags. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

And I did.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

This is just me as an outsider looking to like my girlfriends who have you know, see lots of men and don't have like a a long-term partner and are in the dating scene, and like I don't know. I I'm so out of touch with that, but but obviously you've got a little bit of knowledge there on what to steer clear of.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

I think but if we preface it by saying this is gonna sound a bit heapy doodar again, but like the red flags you will ignore are a reflection of how much you value yourself 100%. So that's a bit deep. It is it is deep, it's really deep. Because when I look back on my 27-year-old relationship, I ignored so much because at that time I hadn't dated someone in a really long time. Yeah, so I just wanted to feel loved. Do you feel like your self-worth back then felt different? So much lower, so much lower. Yeah, and then now because like my self-worth is like the highest it's ever been, it's very easy. You're like, I am not no, I am not settling for shit. No, I will compromise for a lot, but like I'm not like the really big red flags, like I look back on say that relationship, and if we met now, he wouldn't have got back past the first day.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

So it's like the thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

So what are what are give me like two major red flags that are absolute no-no?

SPEAKER_02 26:11

Um well one is like a common one, and I think people say it quite often, but it's like how they treat like the greater population, like if you're at a restaurant or um if you're around friends, like how they treat other people. Yeah. And I've been in situations, say we've been at a restaurant and there's been a wine missing off the wine list. Like there's so many wine on the wine list. If there's one missing, who cares? But then that person like almost being rude to the the weight stuff because that one wine isn't on the menu, like isn't there. Yeah, like examples like that, like not treating like them treating you really nice, but not treating other people very nice. Yeah, massive red flag, massive, massive red flag. And I still see a lot of people do that, and for me, like that's just like an absolute no-go. I'm like, you should be treating everyone really kindly because it's all it's not their fucking fault. Yeah, they're just working there, that's their part-time job.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Give them a break. Yeah, um, another one would be definitely like phone usage, like the way that they like um protect their phone. Like, I so there was an exam.

SPEAKER_00 27:27

This is a really touchy one.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

It's a touchy one, it's a touchy one. I've got no um black and white rules with this one. Like, I know that some people like want to go through other people's phone. I don't I don't think that's I would never want to do that.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

But I feel like if you want to go through someone else's phone, that's more of an insecurity or maybe something that's happened in your past that's making you want to do that in your future relationships.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

Yeah, I don't I don't know for me, like I can see why people would want to do that. For me, um like as soon as I need to look through your phone, there's an issue there. So that's not really my thing. It's more like um like if you need to use the phone for something and say you've been taking a photo or looking at photos, and you've been dating for say six months, and you say, Oh, what's your code to go into your phone? And they won't give you the code. Yeah, like that kind of so you feel like that's a bit shady. I feel like that is very shady. Yeah. I feel like that is very shady. Like, why after say you're dating someone for six months, not knowing the code to a phone? Like, I see if you're gonna remember as well. Like, I'm looking at something for two seconds, I'm not gonna remember two, five, seven, three, eight, two. I can't even remember what I did yesterday, brother. So I think the it's individual to people, but I think watching how people use their phone is also an interesting one. I've seen a lot of girls on TikTok say, like, if someone puts their phone down as well, but I also think I do that out of politeness because I don't want to see it dinged.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Yeah, I I don't know. I feel like some some people will look into that way too deeply and others not so much. I think again, it comes back to like what's happened for them in their past and why they sort of look at that as a trigger. Yeah. I'm also the same. If I'm out out at dinner or if I'm out with friends, I don't necessarily love seeing my phone light up because for me, if I see my phone light up, I want to look at it. Yeah, because I want to look and see who it is responding to me. Whereas if it's out of sight for me, it's out of mind.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

It's not gonna distract distract you from the conversation you're having.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Yeah, I agree. I don't find that one suspicious, but again, yeah, I can understand why maybe some men and women feel that way. Yeah. Um, well, what a we've done a few red flags, but what about some green flags? Oh yeah. Yeah, we've got to do some green flags.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

So I guess if we flip it on the red flag first, I've also been with someone that say we'll be going home from grocery shopping, will not only like make me carry, well not make me, but like not carry some of the bags, but then won't hold the door open. Like, say if we were walking through the door and he walked through first, and then we'll kind of just let the door close. And then I remember the relationship after was like literally the complete opposite, and he would like carry everything and like hold every door open and like just make sure, like just general politeness to kind of make my life like really easy and yeah, I know just these little things. Like, if I was staying in his house and I had my bag, he would always come down to the car, he would get my bag. Um, you know, just little things, gentlemanly methods. Yeah, yeah, just like really sweet things, and I think stuff I didn't observe my dad do to my mum. So, like for such a long time, it was like behavior that if a guy tried to do that to me, I'd be like, No, I can do it. Like, no, I can do that. But I think as an adult, I flipped it and gone, oh no, that's the way that you want to show your love to me. That actually makes me feel really good. Yeah, so like I allow that. Um, so that would be a green flag.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

I think some men are definitely um not as proactive with that stuff, yeah. But it's not because they want to be it's not malicious, yeah. I think they just don't think of it's not on their radar and their way of showing love. I think it comes down to different ways of people showing love, like some people show love in a completely different way.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Yeah, exactly. And I never dismissed like when I compare, I guess I dated two people quite close to each other, and they were very different people. Yeah, and like I never dismissed the first one for not doing like those behaviours, but I guess when I dated the second one, I was like, oh wow, this feels really fucking good. Um, and then I guess another green flag for me, and this one's so personal. Actually, it's not that personal, it's like being family-oriented, like you know. Oh, totally.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

That's a massive green flag to me.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

It's huge because I'm so close with my family.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Uh Cameron and I, like, family is at the top of my list. Like, if I didn't get along with his family or he didn't get along with my family, like I think that would have been a massive deal breaker.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Oh my gosh, speaking of that, can I tell you something? Because it's so relevant. Yeah, go. So at your, you know, we were talking about the start, like periods of loneliness and like feeling like I don't know, because you weren't in a relationship, you were well, I was lonely. So for your hens party, I had just broken up with, oh my god, I was about to say his name. Well, yeah, whipped. I had just broken up with him and I was I was absolutely heartbroken, like it absolutely shattered me. Yeah. And then I remember your hens was maybe two months after, so I was still really grieving the relationship. And then I remember being at your hands, and you had like Cam's mum there, your mum there, your um sister-in-law there, like all of this extended family that you had created through your partnership with Cam. And I remember looking at it thinking, oh my god, if my life can look like this one day, I will be so happy. And you just triggered the memory back in me. Like, I remember literally thinking to myself, like, whoa, if I choose the right partner, my life can just be so much more full because like bringing his family into my life is just going to bring like a whole new family on board.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it's crazy. Like, I have such a beautiful relationship that's sort of flourished over the years with my in-laws and even my brother and like my brother-in-laws and my sister-in-law. Like, it's just so nice to see. And it's something that I will continue to always try and work hard at making sure that they are uh awarded and like fed because those are the relationships that also matter. Like if you're making a commitment to someone, you're also making a commitment to their life and their family and the world that they came from. So I think you have to honour that. You have to really respect that space. And Cameron's family and my family are very similar, but also quite different. And so it's quite it's been really nice, and uh it's something that I I think I just can't ever see. Like when people tell me, oh, my mum doesn't get along with my uh boyfriend, or like you know, I get I don't have a good relationship with this my sister-in-law. I'm just like that's I just find it so hard to relate because it's it's it's quite hard. It is like I'm like, why is it like a clashing personality thing? And sometimes it is.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

I was gonna say some people like unfortunately just come from not to be very difficult families.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Some people are difficult, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

And like sometimes you have to keep your distance, not because you want to, but you have to protect the peace.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Oh, totally, yeah, totally, totally.

SPEAKER_02 35:13

You're just so lucky, yeah. Like what I said when I observed it from an outside perspective, and because I'd never seen it, I see it often now, but at the time it was fresh for me. I remember I think I said Titani, I was like, Oh my god, this is actually really magic. No, I'm not sure. And then when both the mums came to Bali to like look after Lani. Yeah, again, I was like, Whoa, this is yeah, really special. So very special.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

I'm very, very grateful and lucky to have a family that are happy to be like merged together because I know it can take a lot. And it, I mean, me and Cameron have been together for what almost going on to 10 years now. So we weren't always close like that, like we didn't always have both families, it's only just been you know, in the last few years.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

Um as you guys have gotten older too, though, and like you and like you're not out partying every weekend, babies, yeah. So it's really special, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

All fun stuff, but um, yeah, I that would be like a massive, like green, green flag for me is family-oriented. Can I tell you something on that though?

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Yeah, whenever I've dated someone, I always to preface, all of my ex-boyfriends have had the most gorgeous mums, like, but I don't know why. I'm always so nervous to meet the mum. Never the dad, but I just get really nervous that the mum isn't gonna like me. And I've always dated guys that are like mummies boys, and I'm like, oh my god, the mums have never not liked me, but I'm like, I get that's my most nervous meeting. I'm like, oh my god, like this is freaking.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Maybe because they have the most they've been like the primary, yeah, you know, woman figure in in their life. I don't know, but I I mean I get I guess I understand that to a degree. Like when I first met my mother-in-law, I was so nervous, but she was so cute. I remember first night meeting them. She had bought me like a pink towel from IKEA and like a little pink face washer. Oh my god. See, that would make me feel so good. She like cleaned Cameron's room and like got me my own body wash, and I was just like, I was shitting myself. Yeah. And then as soon as I got in there, I was like, wow, that's really. Yeah. She's like, We've we've, you know, this is a big deal because Cameron's not really ever brought a girl home before. And I was like, okay. That's okay.

unknown 38:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

No, that's so sweet. That would make me feel a lot better.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

But I was scared.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

Yeah, yeah. It's always terrified me every single time. I'm like, am I gonna get any better at this?

SPEAKER_00 38:09

Well, I think that's normal.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

Yeah, yeah. Because you wanna like because you care and you want to make like a nice impression, but I think you always make the best impression by just being yourself, really, don't you? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Wow, we've totally sidetracked. Sidetracked, always. Always. Um okay, I wanna ask you something fun. Okay. What's the funniest thing that's happened to you on a date?

SPEAKER_02 38:33

On a date. Um, oh my god, it's a most recent one. So I was at a stage like at the end of last year, where I was like, okay, fuck it. Men in their 20s aren't doing that for me. I decided to skip 30s and go to 40s for some weird reason. I just wanted to trial it, you know? Like, you don't know, give it a good shot. You don't know until you try. So I changed my hinge dating to like 40 to 45, which now looking back, I'm like, mm, I don't know if I agree with my choices. Not throwing shade anywhere, but just for me personally. But I was like, I've got to try it. I've got to try it. Maybe it's in my head. People have successful, successful relationships all the time with a 10, you know, plus year age gap. So I went on this date with this guy, and he was, I think, 42, and we were sitting there, and he just had this really weird giggle that he would always do after I said anything. Like he'd be like, he's that like a great man. And I was like, oh my god, Morgan, like it's fine, it's fine. Don't get deep.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Did he have a dark, uh, a dark voice, a deep voice?

SPEAKER_02 39:46

Yes, and then when it's really high-pitched giggle, yes, and I was like, okay, this is it's fine, it's fine. Like, you know, let everyone's colour flare, like it's all good. Yeah, but then when it got really weird, was he looked me in the eyes and got really close. And it almost seemed that people know, like, you almost don't kiss on first dates, like it's almost like, or maybe you do at the end, I don't know, but like anyway, he sits really close to me like this and like looks me in the eyes, and he goes, I'm gonna ask you a serious question. And I was like, Oh my god, can I kiss you? And this is in the middle of felons, like I was sitting on the fucking wharf, and I'm looking around to be like, Do I know anyone here? And I'm like, um, yeah. I didn't want to, I didn't want to.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Like, so you reluctantly kissed him. Yeah, and it was like, it was yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:37

Right, right, right his kiss. Well, it was actually an okay kiss, but like because I'd just gotten the whole thing was too much. The whole thing was too much for me. He was, I'm not gonna lie, he was too it was too old for me. It was the clown laugh. It was it was the clown laugh, but it was also like he was like not to be rude, I was a I was feeling uncomfortable. Not because of anything he did, but because I'd pushed my boundary.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Yeah, yeah. I hadn't Well, you know what? Sometimes you gotta you gotta see how far you can push the boundary and see what the parameters are. I pushed it too far. And now we know 40 to 45 isn't a go.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

It isn't a go. Like I you know, maybe 30s, I don't know. I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 41:15

I think late 30s wouldn't be too bad. Wouldn't be too bad. Um, you know, maybe they've got it all figured out, maybe they don't.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

And see, this is where I'm like, I don't know. I'm not asking these questions anymore. I'm just going with the flow. But that's the weirdest thing. Like, and that was the most recent. That was the most recent. Was it? Yeah. And have you ever ghosted anyone? I ghosted him. I felt so bad. Really? Which is so mean because I've been ghosted, but I fully ghosted him because he triple messaged me and I was getting triple messaged. I was freaking out.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

That's giving a bit bunny boiler vibes.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

Exactly. So I was like, and also like in the space of how long are we talking?

SPEAKER_00 41:50

Are we talking like three messages back to back?

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Or are we talking like days where I hadn't replied, and then like just so you're sort of talking to himself, yeah. And like I don't I do not promote ghosting. I actually think it's disgusting behavior, and I don't know why I did it. It's and I know where people do it the accountability part, and you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

SPEAKER_00 42:11

To be honest, I probably I can see why you did it.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

Yeah. And you don't want to and I don't think people ghost with bad intentions, they're just like, that wasn't it. They're gonna get the message eventually. I don't need to tell them up to one thing.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

You never responded back. Never.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

I block his number. So yeah, that was a bit mean. And when he's listening, now you know. Every time I get ghosted too, which there has been, you know, two or three times, I'm so dirty at them. I'm like, how could you do that to me? Just tell me you don't like me. But here I am, here I am on the other side doing the ghosting behavior. So I can see why people do it. And it's not malicious, I don't think. Unless you when you hear those people that have been dating someone for like six months and then they get ghosted, I'm like, okay, that is not okay. Yeah, no, that's weird.

SPEAKER_00 42:56

That seems like a bit of a that's a head fuck.

SPEAKER_02 42:59

That's really not nice. Like that that would destroy someone.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Oh, absolutely, and it does, and that's the reason why, again, going back to all of those red flags and why people peek out so much, is because they see someone for six months, think it's hunky dory, and then it's actually not.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

Can I talk about one more thing before we end up on that topic? Love bombing. Oh, love bombing. Love bombing. Okay. Love bombing's a thing. Okay. Yeah. So that's I think that's what happens, it's that first six months, and it's usually I found honeymoon. Honeymoon. It's usually a guy that like probably hasn't had that many relationships beforehand, is like maybe a little bit of a player stereotyping here, but I would love actually to deep dive into this on like a whole episode.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Yeah. But let's just touch on it. Touch on it. And then we can say hoo.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

I agree. Um, but love bombing is a thing. So, like, and especially like going back to my thing about I think that dating when you've got the self-worth and the self-confidence to back you up is so important because otherwise you fall victim to the love bombing. Yeah. And the love bombing can feel so genuine, and it's like it's really hard in your brain to decide are they genuinely being nice and trying to like you know build a relationship with me, or am I being love bombed? But I think the love bombing is really quite obvious, like they want to move things really quickly, like they're texting you all the time, like things like feel really rushed, feel really passionate, and then all of a sudden it just drops off. And I think in adult relationships, when you meet someone at 19, different story, but when you're meeting someone at 29 years old, if it's like moving so quickly like that, I I'm gonna put it out there. This is my hot take. I think that is a red flag, actually. Like, I think who's in a rush? Like, you you're both not going anywhere. Yes, slow burn is bad boy. Like at 18 years old, 19 years old, different story.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

Well, Cameron and I were definitely not a slow burn.

SPEAKER_02 45:09

No, and I don't think anyone at that age is.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

We were like fierce, fast, and very like go. Go. I think like we had seen each other for literally two weeks, and then I was his girlfriend. Yeah. And he was already.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

But it's so fun at that age, yeah. Like that's normal. Like it was, of course, and you've got like I don't know, the hormones are a bit different at that age.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

I will say, oh, the hormones are so different. We're so in love. We're so in love still now, but it's different.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

Like, I love, love, and then like bang 24-7, and just I'm obsessed with you, and I just want to be with you 24-7, and not with you, I want to be on the phone to you. Well, she gushy love.

SPEAKER_00 45:53

I do miss that.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

Yeah. I think everyone reflects like because that part of the relationship obviously doesn't last forever for anyone. No, well, you know, if you put in 10 years of of growth and life and a mortgage and a baby and work and it changes things for sure.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

But you still have that that initial flame. Sometimes, like you said earlier, you just have to feed it.

SPEAKER_02 46:22

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Um, and I'm excited, like, if my life ever takes me down that path to experience it, because I feel when you guys all talk about these long-term relationships now, like you said, you don't know the dating world. I don't know the relationship world. Like, I'm like, I've never, it's never, I've never been in a long-term relationship.

SPEAKER_00 46:41

So and I feel like sometimes though, people expect this like fairy tale world, it's so far from that. It's it's a lot of energy, effort, time, compromise, but also love in a and a and a relationship is is yeah, it's such a complex thing.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

Like you can't just think that it's gonna be sunshine and rainbows and all the time. Yeah, but if it's not.

SPEAKER_00 47:09

Well, I think like if you think it's gonna be like that, you set yourself up for failure. Also upset and let down. Yeah, you know. Like sometimes you do sometimes you are like stuck in it and you go, Oh fuck, this is just a lot. Like, what am I doing? You know, but then you look at the last 10 years of your life and you're like, we've created this world that's so special, and we've gone through so many beautiful things and like anything, like with the good, the bad, with the happy, the sad, with with all of the things that we have in life, like there's always it's there's always the counteract of what we're doing. So, like love is love, but we also have little moments of sadness, yeah, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 48:02

Yeah, yeah. It's learning to see that like long game, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 48:06

It's learning to see that the love bombing is not love bombing. You you can't always have love, love, love like that. No, because at some point it's gonna have to give, and that's why people end up getting fucking ghosted. It's because these people you you're giving this so much, and then they're like, Whoa, there's actually nothing left. Like I'm I'm I I've I'm like depleted in that part. So now I'm like, I need to find someone else to go and do that with.

SPEAKER_02 48:37

I think it's interesting you say that because I think whenever I've been love bombed, I've actually only been love bombed once. I think the reason why we both like broke up was we both just felt so suffocated because you make like this like each other your whole world, and it's like that's just so unhealthy.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

Oh, so unhealthy.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

So so unhealthy.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

But it happens. Oh yeah. Oh my god, we sh we should so totally do a do a take on that.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

Do it yes, and like I also would love to go into um like I guess when we're talking about like long-term relationships, there's also like the hormone cascade that comes with that. Like they say after the first year, like I forget the exact one.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

Yeah, we can do a long-term y one as well.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

Yeah, yeah, go into it because it's important.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

But it was fun, this was fun, this was fun talking about um a little bit about your dating life and yeah, green flags, red flags, green flags.

SPEAKER_02 49:34

Green flags, red flags, and I will will say to all of my single girls out there that I promise you, like, after 28, life gets really fucking great. And you know, they say like sex in the city, like that was only starting when they were in their 30s, so like boom, it really I promise you, I've been through the honestly the depths of hell with my thinking that single was like a curse, and now I'm not even talking out of my ass here. Like, I just feel so powerful that if I was single for the rest of my life, I'd be like, Okay, cool. So, you do get to that stage. I promise you. If you're young and you're wondering, like, I promise you, you get to that stage. She promises. Well, when you do the self work, all right. Bye, gals and boys.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

Goodbye.