Confidence, Comparison & Progress: Why Repetition Beats Perfection

In this episode of MoodSwings, we're talking about what it actually takes to build confidence and create lasting change.

We dive into why confidence isn't something you're born with, it's something you build through taking action, making mistakes and showing up consistently. We discuss the importance of setting meaningful goals, embracing hard things and understanding that repetition is what creates growth.

We also explore the downside of perfectionism and how waiting until everything feels "perfect" can keep you stuck. Instead, progress comes from being willing to learn as you go.

Finally, we unpack comparison. While constantly comparing yourself to others can leave you feeling like the grass is always greener somewhere else, there's a healthier alternative: using other people's success as inspiration rather than evidence that you're falling behind.

If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, perfectionism or feeling like everyone else is ahead of you, this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Mood Swings with Moen Morgs where we chat all things womanhood, motherhood, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

We're a naturopath and a nurse who love an overshare, swapping insights and the occasional tangent.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

From hormones to healing and moments of chaos, nothing's off limits here.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

So let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Hi girl. Hello. So fun this one. I'm excited to do this today because we're actually changing the uh first little segment up. Yes! I've also got my housekeeping. I've been a bit under the weather this week.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

But that's okay. I think there's so much sickness going around at the moment. Like I was saying to you, at least 10 people a day, like always families, are coming in, getting their immune tonic and being on their merry way. They're literally like this is our saving grace at the moment. I'm like, oh, that's so nice to feel. So that's I need I need an immune tonic.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

You need an immune system. I need an immune tonic, and so does Lani. Yeah, Lani's really the he's the he's the passer runner of germs. Gosh, belly button, Sean. Little cheeky belly button. Hello. Alright, so we actually did some little um tarot readings this morning. Well, we pulled a tarot card each. Yeah. And we're gonna actually talk about them on the pod. Yes, which I think. Instead of doing our mood swings. Um, which Morgan's gonna take the reins on this and read out our our cards. So do you want to start off with yours first? Yeah. Or do you want to do mine? Either. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

So what card did you pull? Okay, so we pulled a card just to kind of give us a nice idea about like what the vibe is of our day. And we both pulled quite a nice card.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Wait, so it's for the day, it's not like when your mum and I do it, we pull one from like the past, present, future.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

That's usually how I do it, but if I'm pulling just a card for like now, it's the theme of the day. Okay, okay, yeah. Theme of the day. It's also what you want out of it as well. It's like that's just what I do. Okay, yeah. Love it. Um, anywho, I got the ace of pentacles, which is reading the description now, is this is a gen this is general oh my fucking god.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

Okay, I'm exciting again.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

This is generally a card of new opportunities, growth, and tangible results for your day. It can point to a chance to make progress in your work or business, feeling more grounded and productive, receiving something of value, a compliment, a opportunity, useful information, or even financial benefit. Entering the lotter tonight, and taking a practical step toward that has long-term rewards. And then I did ask Chat GPT, so it's giving me like a little summary, which I'll read. Okay, summary it up. Given how much you've been focusing on building your neuropathy practice, this card fits themes of investing in your future and laying solid foundations. It suggests that what you do today could have lasting value if you act on opportunities rather than waiting for them.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Mmm. So funny that you've used hat to give you like a little summary, but it's like it's almost so accurate to this.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

No, I'm I'm pro, I'm pro-ai. I know that can be so controversial, but I am I'm pro. She loves it a little AI. I love a little AI help. Okay, you're so my card was the two of cups. Two of Cups. I love this card. Like if I'm dating someone new, I want to pull this card. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

Okay, so it doesn't, and my child doesn't know you, so I don't know what this is gonna say. So we're rolling, we're rolling with it, we're rolling with it, we're rolling with it.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Okay, this is one of the strongest cards for connection, partnership, and mutual understanding. For mode today, it could indicate a meaningful conversation, strengthening an existing relationship, meeting someone on equal footing, good teamwork or collaboration, feeling emotionally supported. It doesn't have to be romantic, it can describe any relationship where there is mutual respect and genuine connection. Looking at them together. It's interesting that your cards complement each other.

SPEAKER_04 4:56

Oh we so wrong.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

So Ace of Pentacles focuses on building something tangible, and two of cups focuses on building connection.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Okay, can I just for a second just stop there? I feel like I am the Two of Cups card. Yeah!

SPEAKER_01 5:22

And you are the Ace of Pentacles. And isn't that interesting that we pulled them? Wow! And I was showing Mo today my little technique that I've been using over the years to pull tarot, and it's a little bit left of field. Um can we tell the can we tell everyone? Yeah, it's it's kind of did you want to describe it? Because I have trouble putting it into work.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Do you want to describe what you saw? Okay, so essentially Morgan put out the deck, she spread it along the um table, had it all like sort of spread apart, and then with the her non-dominant hand, so we're both right-handed, so left hand we use, she just had it like resting over the cards and just like let her, like the gravitational pull in her hand do the magic, and it was like moving around, and then all of a sudden you just feel like this pull to a certain card, and then we just pick that one up, and then boom, and then boom, here we are.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

And every time it's so accurate, every time it hits the spot. I love tarot and two of cups, ace of pentacles, two of cups. I love, I love, I love tarot. Oh my god, I want to do that all the time.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

But that was really fun.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

That was fun.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Maybe we'll do another seggy on this.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Um, but we can do like a past future or a past, present, future, yeah, and even maybe we could go into like the tarot meaning and where it comes from because it's like so historical as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Like we could do a whole podcast on tarot card. I pulled some tarot like with my mom the other week and all my brother. She has a different deck, she has a different deck, but it was crazy how it just was like very, very relevant to some personal things going on in my life, and it was just like, oh my god, the universe, the angels. Is your mom a bit witchy? She has about 15 different debts.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Me too. Yeah. And you're not allowed to buy them yourself, supposedly. They have to be gifted. Supposedly. I don't, that's just the thing.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Oh, she's gifting them to herself. Yeah, lover.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Lover.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Um, she's she has had some gifted to her, but some of them she's gotten herself. She's got all different types of ones. Some guidance ones, some oracle ones, some you know angel cards, all of those things. Uh tarot. I feel like it's what you make of it, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:06

100%. They say it's a reflection of your subconscious.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

It's not predictive. I've my dad is like so not that very logical. He's not that person. He's he's not like witchy poo. You know, there's a higher force beyond us. He's like very black and white, very like old school. And when he saw like mom and I doing the p like the tarot cards, I was like, why don't you do one? And he goes, What? Why should I? And I said, Because take it as you like it. Yeah. Take it, take what you want from it. That's the idea, is you take what you want from it. You're gonna you're gonna have a fucking you're gonna win a million dollars.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Oh no, no, no. Mine said I was getting a financial gift, and that is predictive, actually. I'm gonna let it tomorrow. So I'm gonna stop it there because I am winning the logo tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

You won't see me. She'll be gone. I am on my year-long holiday. I'll be doing the podcast by myself. Or I'll be doing it from an island, sleeping a coconut.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

But um, he did it, and yeah, it was quite interesting. Like, because you do you're what's going on in your mind or what's going on in your life, you sort of do see reflection against the cars that you pull.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Yeah, 100% every time. In direction, yeah. And like if you put a particular energy into the car, then usually you'll pull that. So it literally is just reflecting your subconscious back to you, which some people are like that's pointless, but other people are like that's a window into your thoughts. Like, utilise that. Yeah, yeah. Yay, love. My god, my lips are so dry, I've got to put lip balm on. We are talking about confidence, baby. Oh, about confidence this week, which was really exciting because I think, like, especially, I was gonna say, especially being women, but I don't know if it is, especially being women. I think it's everyone. Like, it does take a lot to. I don't know if you're gonna be able to read my writing, honey von. Um, I think it takes like work. Like, you're not we're confident as children, well, a lot of us, but then we all seem to kind of lose our path somewhere as we become adults a bit.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

We uh confidence is something that you definitely have to build on. And I feel like also you have to maintain. You can't just you can't just wake up one day and be confident, or you can't you can't just expect that confidence is going to continue on throughout your life unless you positively feed it.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Work that muscle. Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I think with anything, you know, someone who is insecure can become secure, someone who is secure can become insecure, someone who is unconfident can become confident, someone who is confident can become unconfident. It's a very it's like the ebbs and flows of things, and I guess that's what we're gonna talk about is the difference of what can help build your confidence and what can help break it down, um, and how we as adults all when we get into adulthood sort of lose that when we're younger, because we do have so much confidence when we're young, and why do we have so much confidence when we're young?

SPEAKER_01 11:29

I know, like remember those shows you used to put on as a kid, like you get your parents to sit in the lounge room and you put in like a music show, like watch me sing, and then as soon as you become an adult, it's almost you become shy and you don't really want to be the center of attention because you're scared other people are gonna think for like you're trying to hog the spotlight. Yeah, yeah, it's very old.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Really, I think um I think when we become older, we are way more aware of other people's opinions, and I think that's one thing that is a massive reason why a little kid who was confident, who goes into adolescence, becomes unconfident, is because those those voices of other people's becomes way too loud and and drowns out their own voice.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Like you heard one thing when you were seven years old, and all of a sudden it warps your kind of path forward, which is so bizarre, which is so crazy. And on the flip side, a lot of the time, like you know, you think people are thinking these things, but they potentially are.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

So, like we get in our own heads.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Yeah. But we'll talk about how we don't get in our own heads.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Yes, we're gonna talk about how we create confidence in our everyday life because as Mo said at the start, it's a muscle that you have to continue working, and it's something that you always have to practice. So, yeah, we're gonna touch on what we think.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

And this is all like personal opinions and experiences that we've had. It's not to say that that is for everyone, it doesn't apply to everyone in that same context. Take from it what you like, but we're just speaking on how our confidence is and where our confidence has come from, and where maybe our confidence has probably dropped off a little bit. And um Buddy, can you chill us? You sort of see the common theme.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Sorry, Harley's just running around on a mission, and all I can hear is ding ding ding ding ding.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Sorry the angel. But we are going to get into the nitty-gritty of what creates confidence. So, Morgan, can you tell me what creates confidence in you?

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Yeah. So, confidence for me, one of the biggest things I guess that I've learned over my time would be doing hard tasks through repetition to the point where they are no longer deemed as hard. Um, so for me, a lot of the time this looks like um like education or academics doing things that at the start are really intimidating, they feel really difficult, but after you do them a lot of times, you have to go through like that uncomfortable stage of it being difficult, but then you've done it enough times that all of a sudden it's actually quite easy. Like learning the process, learning the process, and then you're like, oh, hang on a second. And then you finesse it. Yeah, you finesse it and it becomes your thing, and then all of a sudden you trust your instinct and things are a lot quicker, and then after you feel like really good and like really chuffed with yourself. Yeah. Um, another thing for me would be like in the same same realm would be like socializing. So back in the day, super socially anxious. Now I purposely will never say no to a social occasion. Like I'll always put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable. And then after I come home and I'm like, well, most of the time, I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah, you did that, like you socialized, you spoke to everyone. Um, like just kind of working that muscle.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Yeah. So it is really hard though, if you are someone who is super anxious stepping out of those that comfort zone, but it's such a good thing for you long term. If you can put yourself in more uncomfortable situations, I'm not meaning like uncomfortable to the point where like it's it's going to like mentally affect you. Yes. But like there's a boundary to everything. Absolutely, there's a boundary. But if you are able to establish that, yes, okay, you are socially awkward, or you are socially like not uh someone who can just talk to a brick wall and have a great time, you need someone to bounce off of, or you need someone as your sort of like support person with you in these things. Lean in on that, but like also still do things that get you out of that comfort zone.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Like And I think if you remember how you feel afterwards, like that's always the thing I do, like socializing, or if I have a really hard day at work, yeah, I always remember how I feel after, and I always feel energized, fantastic, so proud of myself.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Accomplished accomplished. You're like, yes, I did that hard thing that I I knew was gonna be a challenge, but I overcame those obstacles. Yeah, I've done an amazing job today. Yeah, I'm so proud of the the progress that I've made in myself as a professional, but also what I've done for the people around me. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

And then again, you're building you're building that confidence. So exactly the muscles working. The muscle is working. So yeah, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition get you to a point where you feel like you can do pretty much it with your eyes closed. So yeah, that's my little that's my little tick of confidence. Tick of confidence, love it.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

All right, and so I guess we'll go into mine then as well. Yes, please. Um, so for me, it's keeping promises to yourself or setting self goals. And I love goal setting. I think goal setting's so important. We love, yeah. I love small goal setting, uh, midterm, long term. I think they're really good because they're little progress points that you work towards to achieve your greater goal. Um, so I think if you can promise yourself like three really small things that you know you can achieve, um, and that's not gonna be like unattainable, unreachable, or unachievable, then you absolutely like are setting yourself up for success. If you if you are someone who keeps promise who like promises yourself, oh I'm gonna do this, but I wanna, I'm gonna I promise that I'm gonna you know lose 10 kilos in five weeks and you haven't gone to the gym for two years, your your goal is way too uh overstretched, yeah. If that makes sense. Whereas if you say, okay, my goal is to start doing some cardio, I'm gonna do an hour of cardio, uh maybe two days a week and w walk on the treadmill. Two days a week, an hour, that's achievable. You've set yourself that promise, you reach that promise, you set yourself another goal, you keep going, you build the blocks to to create that confidence, to create that structure. And I think like honestly, when you keep those promises and you s and you reach those promises to yourself, there's nothing but wanting like more. More, you get addicted to it, and then you feel again really confident in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah, it's like I don't know, it's yeah, it's so good, and you're like you're building that confidence, you're building that confidence as well by setting those little goals like from the inside out. Like it's not just obviously putting on a really nice outfit and looking your best is like great, yeah, but that's so superficial, whereas this is like not so superficial. I love clothes, but like it's important, it's so important. Um, but it's cultivating like that deep confidence that emanates from that inside out because you are setting those small goals, big goals, and you're constantly achieving them and proving to yourself that you can do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Just think about for a second how you felt in yourself when you've tried to keep a promise that is of too big of a promise to yourself and how that's made you feel, but then look at the ones where you have reached those promises to yourself or you have met that goal that you've set yourself and how that's made you feel. I think it's not about doing like, you know, oh, I'm gonna set myself a goal of becoming a millionaire. Like that's amazing. We all want to be millionaires, yeah. We all want to be fucking hot as fuck, you know, living the dream, you know, doing all that stuff. But that comes with hard work and you need small goals before you go to the big goals.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Yeah, yeah. But that can be like you said, how you set yourself the um smaller goals and the bigger goals. You always need those steps towards like if your desire in life is to be a millionaire.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Like if my goal is to get five emails out, because I don't do the email admin very well, that's my goal for the day. And if I reach that goal, I feel fucking good. Treat yourself. And then my next goal will be okay, let's let's let's plan that this happens on a weekly basis. Yeah. I allocate an hour of time to responding to emails at least then you're working towards things you you're you're doing those little micro blocks of of achievements and milestones and goals that you you're you're reaching, but and that helps build your confidence. I think it's like mouldable as well. Like you don't it doesn't have to be everything is different for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Oh, 100%. Yeah. And like kind of circling back, it's just proving to yourself that you can do these things and it gives it gets you on a really good momentum. Whereas I kind of think back in the time, like remember when COVID like whatever remembers COVID, but like a lot of The time we spent so much time indoors, everyone got a bit like lazy and didn't do a lot. And it kind of took everyone a long time to get back into that role because we hadn't been doing it for so long. So it's like start small and then just build upon.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

100%. You have to start small. Otherwise, if you set yourself too big of a goal, it becomes it becomes too consuming. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alexis Fernandez, uh, who is the beautiful mastermind behind Do Your Fucking Mind podcast, she actually speaks on this um in one of her episodes and talks about goal setting and how it affects us and what we want to do, like if we want to be successful or do successful things, we can't we have to start off with small, yeah, small achievements first. Because if you go and like and and and keeping those promises and those goals to yourself, the moment you say to people, I'm gonna do this, you already put pressure on yourself. Oh my god, I'm putting pressure on myself. I've gotta keep this up now. Whereas if you just do it and then you tell people after you're already one step ahead.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

And also, back to what we were saying, or that I think we'll touch on, also it's got nothing to do with other people. Like, no, it doesn't like you're trying to prove this to yourself, and that's the thing about inner confidence is like it is not reliant on external validation, like you look at super famous people that just crumble because their whole self-image is based on external validation and they haven't cultivated that like inner confidence. Yeah, so I love her podcast. Oh my god, isn't she a queen? Love is to be a queen, she's a bloody queen. I think I want to listen to her tonight. Oh my god, I love her. Yeah, I want to be a big one. I love the way she's just so like she's no bullshit. No bullshit, she is no bullshit, she just fucking cuts through. I wish I was a bit more like that. I think a bit more airy fairy than that. But I'd love to have her as a friend because you just know where you stand. 100%. I love the honesty, very clear, like there's just no no fog. No fog. So if you want to listen to our podcast, there's there's that one.

unknown 24:23

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Um, so they're the things that we do to cultivate confidence, but Mo, I want you to let me know of just one thing that you think can potentially reduce or destroy your confidence.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

I think avoiding challenging situations in all all aspects to avoiding uh like you know, hard conversations, challenging situations, or you know, not being able to adapt to changes.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Yeah, adapting to change is a big one, yeah, can can really I think almost be a little bit too damaging.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Um but everyone works differently, and I'm not saying like you need to just you know run through it like a rule. Oh no. But understanding that sometimes we have to go through adversity or hardship or challenges or even just business difficulties or personal difficulties to come out the other side and look at it in a different lens and a different perspective and also hold value to why we work so hard to being and doing what we do in life. Um, and so I think sometimes life gives us these curveballs not to be uh see you next Tuesday, even though in the moment it feels like that, but to teach us really valuable lessons about who we are in ourselves, yeah, about who we want to be or who we project to be in the future, um, and about understanding how to navigate those hard situations so when they come back again, if they do, we can we can face that at a much more confident aspect than prior because you are used to feeling that that restriction or that sort of friction, you know, that you get.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

We know that feeling, that feeling that just feels like uncomfortable. You're like, oh, oh, it's so sticky. But if like you said, if you've done it before, doing it again all of a sudden becomes way more easier, and you have the confidence in yourself to be like, I can do this.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

So the really big thing that we do in nursing um across all sort of uh specialties is we do crisis management. Obviously, we don't ever want to be put in an uncomfortable position where we have to save someone's life, but the reality is that's what happens. The only way we can build our confidence in those circumstances is if we go through them, we learn from them, and we see what we can do in the future to help us adapt to that change and keep our our mind and head level while all the chaos is working around you. I'm just using nursing as a as an example, um you know, you've got to everything. Yeah, you have to sort of like if you get if something happens in your business and you go, oh my god, I've just been faced with this challenge of like I can't do this certain thing because uh I don't have the right forms for it or I don't have the right um framework to work with. What can you do to change that and how can you change that to make it so that it works better for you? Yeah. In the future.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

And of course troubleshooting, yes, and like actually like learning from your previous experiences because that builds trust in yourself. Whereas if you continue to kind of like little Lani slamming his fingers in the door the other day and then doing it again because he's a little toddler and he hasn't learned and you need to learn from your pre previous mistakes or previous um experiences. But if we use that, like you said, as a lesson, we have way more trust and confidence in ourselves next time that we're um doing the same task that we're like, oh, we've got this. Yeah. Whereas if you continually show yourself that you're not learning from your past experiences, obviously your self-confidence and you probably your self-esteem is not going to be growing that high. Yeah. But yeah, so with that, um, I guess we can touch on what I think destroys confidence, and it's one that I have fucking battled forever. But I think I'm finally on top of it a little bit now is perfectionism. Yeah. Oh my god, I feel like that's a trigger word for so many people out there, especially women. But I'm surrounded by women, so I'm projecting my own experience onto that. But holy crap a mole, like the level of perfectionism. Holy crap. Holy crapamoly, the level of perfectionism that one is stopping people from doing things, but two, like just that perfectionism drives that inner critic, which drives the lowered self-esteem, which just destroys your confidence. Like it's just an absolute cascade of events. And I follow so many, you know, really inspirational people on Instagram and TikTok now that are constantly saying to me through through reels, so to me only. But they're like, put out the rough draft. Put out the rough draft, put out your first draft. You don't need to put out your second draft, you don't need to put out the final copy. When you do it, put it out into the world. Um, which I fucking adore because it can never, it's never gonna be perfect. You can always fix something, you can always change something, something can always be amended, you can always do it better next time. Yes. So do it better next time.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Perfectionism, so I actually love that one that you've chosen because I feel like a lot of people in the business world who have small businesses would totally understand that. Like you just want to be perfect for your launch, for your for your for your brand's logo, like all of that stuff. No, who fucking cares? And you can't. The only person that actually cares is you, you always grow and evolve, and it's like not something that has to be perfect at the beginning. And all of these successful businesses, if we look at them, actually don't have good structure or you know, the perfect plan at the start. No, they evolve, they evolve, and it's the beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Like, if you ever see a brand you really like, um or a you know, social media person or anything, scroll down their feeds and see the evolution. See the evolution, or even if you've been following, like, you know, like us from the very beginning, or if you have been following um seeing your hairdresser from when they very first started, or you know, anything like that, and you see that evolution, like it's fun to go on that journey.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Right, and it that really hones in home to what you were saying earlier about consistency. Yes, just keep going. You're gonna keep going, you're gonna find your groove, just be gory and just keep swimming, swimming.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Do you know?

SPEAKER_02 31:49

I so often sing that to myself, like when things are getting like do we just do we swim, swim, swim? I like that is the motto of my life. Just keep going, just keep going, go to bed, do it again tomorrow. It's fun, everything is gonna be oh. I think he went that way. Oh, I don't think he went this way. I love that movie.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

Um, but yeah, perfectionism 100%. Get that rough draft out there and don't let your like own like attention to detail is fantastic to a level. Like everything is fantastic to a balanced degree. Because at the end of the day, when we think about you know, perfectionism, it really does teach us that our worth depends on getting everything right instead of building confidence through, you know, taking action, making mistakes and learning from those mistakes that you've made. Um, so yeah, that is my my take.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

So good. I think I think a lot of people will that will touch home too.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

100% touch home. Yeah, I got y'all.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Because I feel like a lot of people are perfectionists.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Yes, and it's like it just it kind of shows like when you are a perfectionist, you're like so hard on yourself and you're super, super self-critical. Sorry, self-critical. It just is this like like state of not living up to these expectations that are like impossible to live up to every day, and then all of a sudden you just are so hard on yourself, and then it just is a snowball effect, and it's just not healthy at all.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

It's not healthy, not healthy. I mean, perfectionism is an is an element that we all sort of have to work with and to a degree because I feel like all of us have that little bit of perfectionism in us, but when it's debilitating work or debilitating your confidence, or you know stopping action. Exactly. That's when it sort of is like, okay, yeah, there's a problem.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Because I know some people that won't do a task unless it's done perfectly, and it's like, well, that's not helping anyone.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Like, at least do it. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

If it can only be done to 60%, then uh it can only be done to 60%.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

Sometimes you need the flop projects, yes. The masterpiece.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Yes, well, actually, we'll use as a quick example. Um, we went to an art show and we were talking to the artist, and she had this the most like amazing artwork hanging on the wall. It was just so insane. And I said to her, like, how long did it take you to paint this? And she said, Well, I just had to keep going. So I'd paint it, didn't like it, start again. Paint it, didn't like it, start again. Paint it, didn't like it, start again. And she said, you know, pushing through that and learning each time what worked, what didn't. And then she said she woke up one day and she just felt the flow. And because she had made the mistakes and allowed herself to like not do it perfect so many times, when she did hit the flow and it just like came out of her in like three hours. This piece of artwork was just honestly oh my god, it was insane.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

It was a raging masterpiece.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

A raging masterpiece.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

I fucking love that. That is fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 35:13

I actually was looking at it, yeah. She put a post up of it the other day, and I was like dying because I was okay. I said to my mum, I wish I could have bought this page. I know. Your girl isn't quite there yet.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

No, but we will be.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

I'm I'm already I'm ready to deck up the uh the walls in this Hannah.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Oh, I did walk in and we've got we've got new artwork on nearly every wall, so you're getting there. I'm getting there. Looks fantastic. Alrighty. Um, well, I guess one more thing that I wanted to touch on before we kind of wrap up this week's potty is um like the trap of comparing yourself to other people and how that can have like such a it can sometimes have a positive impact, but sometimes have a negative of confidence. Yeah, go into it, hit me with it.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Well, I think like there's comparison on so many different aspects of life, like you can compare against motherhood, you can compare against social media, like comparison really is a thief of confidence, and I think what we need to remind ourselves is that comparing ourselves to someone else doesn't one, it's not gonna do any uh any any good to you because what's going on in someone else's world is not going on in yours. Like everyone is so individualized, and I think once we take those uh their their comparison um blinkers off and we like just stay in our own lane, yeah, that's when we thrive the most because it's always greener, exactly. We're no longer focusing on what other people's lives are like and why we're not achieving their sort of standard or even like at that spot that they are at, where we are focusing on ourselves and working on improving ourselves, and probably people you don't even realise, but like you compare yourself to others, but others probably compare yours themselves to you 100% and you don't even realize that when you're in your own world, yeah, you forget like other people probably s look at you as comparison as well at some point in their life.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

Because only people are only seeing the the the good parts usually and they're seeing the curated part, yeah, exactly, and like you never know the complexity of someone else's experience.

SPEAKER_00 37:47

No, um and I think as well, like when you are comparing yourself to someone, say for example, I've had people recently go to me, oh my god, like you know, you starting your business, like I want to do that so badly. And like it's completely like your path is your path. If that's what you want to do, you do it. Do it, don't do it. Yeah, like it's nice comparing, you know, like the the path that I've chosen and gone down and and done with your path because they're like, oh, I haven't done it yet. I'm like, well, that's okay. Yeah, yeah. Like, and if it's something you'll get there, and if you don't get there, that's also fine.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

But I also love like you saying that, like I think comparing is a thief of confidence by using others as inspiration is like 100% accelerates growth.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

I think comparison and inspiration is very different. Yeah, if you look at someone and someone inspires you to do something in your world, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

I love that. Juilipa is moving for life. Um but I also like just to kind of touch on that a bit more, I think as well, like when we're comparing ourselves to other people, like everyone's timeline is different as well. So you could be comparing yourself to their step 10 while you're at step one, but you haven't seen the previous 10 steps. Yeah, exactly. So it's like makes the comparison like an uneducated guess of like you know what you're comparing to.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Yeah. And I think like comparison doesn't need to be an unhealthy thing.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

It's not all bad.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

No.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

I think it's just the way that we look at comparison again, like people who inspire us or things that inspire us, that is good comparison. But uh comparing when it shows us what's a possibility, like if we were to go down this pathway, what the possibility would be, yeah, that's good comparison. Motivating us to take action, yeah, that's good comparison. Yeah. Um, helping us identify what we truly want in our world, that's good comparison.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Because you can see it's real, you can see that it's possible. I love that. And it's like, can I use a personal story?

SPEAKER_00 40:10

100%.

unknown 40:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

So I used to be like a little bit like Debbie Downer because I felt like everyone around me like had already sorted out things like having a relationship and like um having a house, like all of these like big milestones. And then Abby, bless her soul, one of my good friends. I remember she sat me down one time and she was like, Morgan, do you know how many people are still looking for what career they want to do and they haven't found it? And she's like, You have already like started your business, you found your career, like everything else can come afterwards. Like she was like, To me, you've really got to flip it. Like you have to stop thinking just because you don't have a relationship and you don't have a house that you're behind.

SPEAKER_00 40:53

Oh my god, we need more Abbeys.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

Oh my god. It and if she didn't say that to me, I think I was always so hard on myself. I was like, what do you mean? Like, why have I not the comparison? Yeah, because I was like I was constantly comparing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

And I guess this is something I do to myself. I whenever I'm finding myself comparing, I'm like, am I feeling inspired or am I feeling inadequate?

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Yes, inadequate. Oh my god, what a word.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Like if I feel inspired by these comparisons, yeah, then that's something that I know is a good comparison for me to have. It's something that's motivating me to do better, be better, strive for good outcomes. Yeah. But if I feel like I'm comparing and I feel inadequate in myself, that's when I know, okay, I'm fucking doing something wrong here.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Like you shouldn't feel like that.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

And it's so easy when you have this self-awareness to flip that script. It is. Like so easy to catch yourself out and be like, wait, why am I putting myself down? I can just flip it around and be like, oh, I obviously want this. So let this be inspiration for something that maybe I can get in the future. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

And I think uh another thing that I learned from someone who it's always stuck with me. I've never been able to shake it. It's like all the things that we can achieve in our life is a is a circle. And in the middle, it's us. And then we can like stream out, but we never have to have a it doesn't have to go in a circular motion. As long as we achieve all the things that uh we do in life, like you know, have a family, have a home, all of those things that encompass what it means for us to live fruitful life. You're doing it at your own style, at your own pace, you're still getting it done. Yeah. Like whether you're doing it uh the tr I hate I hate this, but whether you're doing it the traditional way, you know, like getting a job, getting married, having kids, blah blah blah. Like fuck that. I don't actually think anyone follows that because no there's there's no tradition.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

And like what timeline are you basing this off? Yeah, like yeah, no, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

Go and travel when you're 55 years old, yeah, because you didn't get to do it when you were 20. Exactly. You had your kids when you were 20. Yeah. And you bought a house when you were 40. Yeah. And you do all of these things in our lives that still make everything feel like whole, fulfilling. Yeah, fulfilling. You're still doing it.

SPEAKER_01 43:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

Whether it's like on everyone else's timeline or not, doesn't fucking matter.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

It actually doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

Yeah, I know. And sometimes it does take an outside person to highlight sometimes. You can be more negative on your own life and more positive on other people's life, and it takes someone else to be like to shine the positives on your life for you, for you to be like, oh, hang on a second. My life's pretty fucking great as well, actually.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

And I think like again, I'm really, I'm really doing the whole promises for yourself, but confidence does really come from keeping promises to yourself.

SPEAKER_04 44:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Like it's it's trusting yourself, it's showing up for yourself, it's staying consistent, it's it's like not waiting for permission from people or other things. Like you just you do you. Trust yourself, yeah, yeah, back yourself. Confidence isn't having like the perfect body, the perfect life, more followers, like looking a certain way, doing a certain thing with business, like it's that's not that's not confidence. It's deeper than that. That's perfection, yeah. And again, that's not a lot perfection doesn't lead to confidence.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

Sometimes it can be destructive, especially when the target's always moving.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

But I think it's about like recognizing that things aren't always perfect in life and we don't always have you know this cookie-cutter world that we live in. But if you're always there for yourself, yeah, always show up for yourself, yeah. You remind yourself how much you've done, even if it's like I've you know, like for example, for us, we started this podcast at the start of this year. We've had moments where we've had setbacks, we've had challenges that we've had to overcome, but and we're not these big raging um what are they called? I was gonna say FaceTimers, I don't know why. I've just come off night shift. So I'm like deliver how podcast is. But we still show up, we still trust ourselves, we still remind ourselves, like you know, for some people they don't even do the things that they love to do or the hobbies that they love to do, but we continue to do that and we show up for ourselves whether we do it and miss a week or not.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Yeah, and that's that's building the confidence and building the resilience, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

Yeah, and resilience, yeah, absolutely. So that's what I love that to say on that. Thank you, Bo. So I fully like took over there. No, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

I love when you take over.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

I guess I'm like passionate.

SPEAKER_01 46:28

That's good. I love it. I think passion's missing in the world.

SPEAKER_00 46:32

Yeah, passion.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

We love passion. I love passionate people, they're my favourite. All I've got in my head is passion for fashion.

SPEAKER_03 46:40

Is that frats? Yes. I love brats. So obsessive.

unknown 46:47

Bring them back.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

Bring them back. Bring back the brats.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

All right. Well, I loved that pod. That was that was good. Um, so I hope everyone listens to this and you leave with tools to help you feel a bit confident, a bit more confident, because I know like all of us have gone through periods obviously where confidence dips and then it goes up again and then it dips again. Absolutely. So it's the ebbs and flows. Ebbs and flows of confidence and of life.

SPEAKER_00 47:18

Yeah, absolutely. And I think you know, just remind yourself that you're doing a fucking good job. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:25

At the end of the day, you're always if you can go to bed at night and know that you did your best, and that's fucking all you need to know in yourself. Did you do your best? Yes, go to sleep.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

Wake up the next day, do again, do a little bit more, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:40

Alrighty, alrighty. Well, um, thank you for listening. Everyone, have a good weekend as per usual, and we will see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 47:49

Bye, love you.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

Bye.