Moving Forward, Not Moving On

There’s a difference between moving forward and trying to move on.

In this episode, Michael and Shannon talk about what it really means to carry experiences without letting them define you — and why healing isn’t about forgetting, erasing, or pretending it didn’t happen.

Some things don’t just “go away.”
 Some things stay with us.

The question is how we carry them.

Because moving forward isn’t about leaving everything behind.

It’s about learning how to keep going… without losing yourself in the process.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Unloaded Podcast. This is Michael Seahorn.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

This is Shannon Moro.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

And welcome back to our podcast. This is going to be episode nine. Absolutely crazy. We've done nine of these.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

What's so crazy about that?

SPEAKER_01 0:17

You know, I saw an interesting thing. Um, they sent me an email in reference to podcasts in general, and they're like, hey, you guys have re you know recorded this many episodes, and like 60% of all new podcasters don't make it past like four. Oh, wow. I was kind of pumping my fist in the air by myself. I was like, well, look at us go. Right. So I'm I'm excited um to be here. I'm excited to be a part of this journey with Shannon and with our listening audience. And it's uh just it's you know, it's been two months of recording. It just it kind of I guess it kind of hits a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Yeah, yeah. It's it's getting real. It's like, oh, this isn't just uh flash in the pan.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

No, no, we're here to stay. That's that's our that's our end goal. As long as not too long. Not too long. As long as the creator or God or whoever is willing to allow us to keep going, we're gonna keep going. Well, uh, we've had uh a good eight episodes. Please, please, please, for the listening audience, if you haven't, please go back and just capture the first eight so you can get caught up with this. If you want. No, you have to. No, man. Helps my algorithm in the podcasting world.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Who cares about algorithms?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Uh Shannon said, You do you, whatever that means. Uh, we just hope that you would go back and listen to the episodes. Uh, episode nine. So we're not going to do quote unquote uh blocks of series per se. Shannon and I aren't we're not wired that way for our podcast, but we are going to try to make some sense out of our flow. Um, so that just means from episode to episode to episode. Um in episode eight, I did mention that Shannon and I have been talking about um bringing in some other uh professionals regardless of their discipline. And specifically, we're gonna go out and Shannon's gonna um talk to some of his people and see if we can't get some uh of the women in here on our podcast to share their opinions and insights in the mental health world. So just want to throw that out there again, um, that that's gonna be uh coming hopefully sooner than later, but we'll get there when we get there. This this episode today, uh I Shannon and I think we agreed we're gonna just talk about okay, we've talked about the weight, sitting with the weight, carrying the weight, what it will what it looks like, what it feels like, um we've talked about everything in between, we've talked about the community aspect, we've talked about the professional help and um not overloading our loved ones and friends with our crazy whatever we're going through. But how do we now start moving quote unquote forward, but we're not technically moving on from just leaving everything behind? Does that make any sense or am I completely crazy?

SPEAKER_00 3:16

I I know what you're trying to describe. Yeah, yeah. It's we can't erase the past, of course. We can't you can try. Some people try. Yeah. Um to allow for what we have experienced, to allow for what we have gone through, and um be able to let that even if it was something that really impacted us in some very difficult ways before, you know, there's over time and through, you know, just different processes, there's ways to return that so it actually can be a great thing in one's life. You know, to oh yeah, that was awful. And what I've learned from that, how I've changed by going through that. Um okay, it's it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Yeah, I think when I when I talk about moving forward and but not moving on in in my mind, what I really look at is in my personal life, I look at my history, my past history. I look at that as my experience and my growth. Because I feel like my growth came from what I went through when you look backwards. And in that, if I have the right perspective, which we talked about in the last episode, what your perspective can and can't do in your you know, in our crazy minds, if you have the right perspective when you look back, like I look back, and I can pinpoint where I felt like, man, I made a great jump right here, you know, or man, kind of got a little setback right there. But on the rebound or on the opposite side of that, wow, look at the growth after that, whatever that was happened. So I think again that your perspective on how you look at your history and how you look back in your life is maybe one of the more important things to consider.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Yeah, yeah. And that's very um determined by time. Father time, the passage of time. It could be because generally right after something happens, ah, something bad, I'll just quote unquote, you know, as it seems in that moment. Like, oh that just happened. Uh it it can be very distressing, it can bring up all like it's yeah, it's generally experienced quite negatively. And um it takes time to, you know, just distance yourself from that, start seeing it in hindsight, start processing it, start looking at it in different ways, getting other people's perspective on the thing, and starting to, as you say, just process the thing. And um eventually in time we change our relationship with that incident and what was in the moment, and uh often a horrific incident or a really bad set of circumstances, and then uh generally the further we travel through time away from that and start seeing it in new light, and like, oh, if that hadn't happened, like da da da, and look how look at what I've been able to accomplish through that, and um but it is generally the passage of time with help from others.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Well said, and and and I'll share an experience because that's what we kind of do here on Unloaded is we we try to give you guys real life experience, not just theory, not something I heard, not something I saw on YouTube, not something Shannon read in a book, but we try to give you guys our actual experiences so it's relatable. At least at least that was our intention when when Shannon and I first talked about doing this podcast unloaded. So when we talk about history and integrating your experiences, I I will tell our listening audience that in 2003, uh February 13th, 2003, I could um it's amazing you can remember the day and time almost, right? February 13, 2003, I was just just a quick cliff note version. I was on my way to work, and unfortunately, uh I was involved in a a near-death car car car accident where I got the lifeline helicopter, the emergency surgery for three days, and and uh so forth and so on. And that moment of time, because now we're in 2026, so we're talking 23 years. Man, just saying 23 years ago is like mind-blowing, you know, it's crazy to think that context, but 23 years ago, even today, even in 2026, yes, I've moved on. I've moved on, but I haven't left that behind because it's such a stark point in my life where for the first time I didn't feel like I was invincible and I wasn't Superman and that I could do anything without repercussion, like it was a a near-death experience, it was a check of my mortality in that time and space. And then as we've moved on from 2003, there have been some very significant things that have happened on the same day, and that's for a different different time and a different place and a different episode. But even though I haven't quote unquote left that fully behind, I have definitely moved forward. Right? The impact is less on me emotionally and mentally now, but it's still a remembrance. I still remember it. There were times after that where I couldn't even drive on that day. I just I refused to drive. I just stayed home. I was that whacked out about that day and that time that I thought it was gonna repeat itself. And that happened for probably a good two, three, four years, probably, if I can remember correctly. Now, today I you know it's funny my wife asked me, she's like, Hey, do you I can't you always remember that? I'm like, Yeah. I can't just hit the wipe button as Shannon said. I can't I can't hit the delete button and just boop and never remember it. And rightfully so, it does me good when I remember it.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Yeah. Now you're still able to drive.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

I can drive all day and you know, but it even as I'm driving around, it still it still comes up and I process it and I think about it. And uh today that's different because when I process it, I'm processing it in more of a healthy, energetic way of man, I'm just glad to still be here.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

That was close.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Right? I'm glad to still being uh here on the planet and experiencing life and experiencing things and enjoying the time that I have here. So that's how you can turn something from a very drastic negative into a good positive. And with, as you said, the father of time, I don't know, maybe that'll last until I'm no longer here. I don't know. Nobody knows, not even me, right? Yeah, but I think with that, that's kind of what I was talking about early on, with you know, you can move forward, but I'm not moving on, I'm not forgetting it like it never happened. I don't know if I could, to be honest with you. And I and I'm I like to think I'm a pretty savvy guy in the in my mind these days. I'm I'm you know practicing all the time, but even then I don't think I would want to because it's such a healthy reminder to me.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Yeah. And when you say moving on, I mean let's language is yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

It's precarious, the words, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Yeah, because some would frame it as, oh good, you've moved on past that, you know. And so, but I think listeners understand our overall message here is um, yeah, of course, we're we don't want to deny the things that have happened in the past, while we at the same time on the other side don't want to get stuck in what happened, and it's kind of denying it in a different way, or just almost well, giving it too much power or avoiding it too much. It's very case by case, it's you know, so individual to each individual's you know unique circumstance is like, oh, that happened, and then how we deal with that personally.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Yeah, because our stories uh carry a lot. Our story carries a lot, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Which story, the one we tell ourselves, and that changes.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Yeah, I I mean I think as human beings, we all have a story, and that story is ever revolving and ever changing because that's what we are. We're changing every single minute of the day, but we do carry our own story, and Shannon is correct. It you know, it just depends on the story that you believe, the the one you think people see. I don't know. That's that's kind of that's way out there for me, I think. But I think just this for me personally, I I carry a very complicated story up until this moment of time, and it's it's been such a crazy journey uh for the time I've been on this planet, and I think that that story per se, and you don't have to use the word story, you can just use life experience, whatever you want to fill in the blank with. Carry that thing, man, because it's yours. Nobody's lived this but me. I you've lived yours, and it's so special to us because it's ours. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yeah, I kind of go the other direction, but there's eight billion uh stories out there. So what makes it so special?

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Because nobody's been in my shoes. Yeah, that's or my head, or my mind, or my feeling, you know?

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Yeah, that they're again that duality of yeah, we're you know, we're just one of eight billion people down here while at the same time, and how unique is that?

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Eight billion unique individual stories, man. It's insanity to think about that in a conceptual way, but you know, as it relates to what we're talking about on uh on our podcast here on Unloaded, it's it's about the weight, man, and and a lot of the weight is our story, right? It's it's it's connected, it has to be connected because the the weight we're carrying is derived from whatever the story is we've lived, right? Or or we are living, man. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll I'll let you expand on that.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Yeah, it's it's I know it's kind of a difficult thing, but um so I I gave that example of the of my car crash because yes, I have moved forward, I've moved forward in a healthy way, but I haven't moved on. I'm not forgetting it, I'm not trying to forget it. And I think that's what I was trying to state in the beginning of the podcast today is when I'm on a personal mental health journey over the last 11 years, what I can I'll I'll lay my every minute on is this entire journey has been about moving forward, but not moving on and just leaving everything in the dust because the things that propelled me or the things that were the catalyst that even got me in the door to CU is the larger part of my story right now. Now, as Shannon said, as the the time pendulum starts to continue to swing down the road, my story of self self-help journey will elongate, the timeline gets longer, right? So, i.e., hey, I've been uh alive X amount of years. I'm just gonna use a random number, 60. No, I'm not 60. So let's say I've been alive 60 years, my self-help journey started when I was, I don't know, 50. Well, man, you got 40 years of story behind you, and then some catalyst propelled you into a new direction. You you you kind of I know it's kind of hard for to get it into context as in words, but that's kind of what I'm trying to say is as we get older and the timeline starts to expand, at some point you you you equal out almost. You that duality starts to balance a little bit more. I've got 30 years of craziness, but man, look, I got 30 years of true, like life-changing journey that I've been on. And to compare the two, it's crazy to think that it's it's literally like yin and yang.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Yeah, and it generally doesn't happen. Oh, the first 30 years of my life, and then the second 30 years of my life, it's it's all over the map. It's much more broken up. It's all over the map, dude. Week by week, right? Like day by day. Day by day. Holy this morning sucked, but thank goodness I got into the afternoon. Now things are evening out, you know. Just you know, a little more awareness of our moods, a little more of awareness of how we're treating others, treating ourselves. Yeah, it it's it can be like our micro stories.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yeah, it's a it's a cumulative thing, and and I don't I'm not trying to make it linear by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just trying to maybe get more of a conceptualized picture for our listening audience, is kind of where I'm trying to talk to or talk about. Is when I first started this journey, I had no idea what this was going to be. None at all. I was just happy and excited now, not then. Then I wasn't excited at all. I didn't even want to get out of the effing car to go in the front door, but I did. But from that moment, uh, after stepping through the door, my life changed. My story took a drastic turn. I didn't know that at the time, and I'm I'm I'm gonna make sure our listeners understand this. We are now talking about looking backwards, and I believe it was Steve Jobs in one of his um speeches where he says, You cannot look forward and connect the dots. It doesn't work that way, but you sure can look backwards and connect all the dots. Crystal clear picture, right? So that's what it we're talking about, and I don't want to confuse people today. In the moment I didn't want to be there, in the moment I did not want to be partaking in any help in any way, shape, or form, that day now looking back was my catalyst of change. And it propelled me for the last 11 years. You know what I mean? Yeah, and in that journey, yes, Shannon is correct. It's minute by minute, and if you can live your life minute by minute and you can stay in that moment of time, man, it's a great place to be. That's where I try to really focus on, and it's a it's a nice place to be. But it's always gonna be crazy. Left, right, up, down, up, down, left, right. I mean, it's just sometimes I feel like I'm I'm in a like a clown car, maybe, right? Driven by some crazy clown that's just blindfolded me. It's like, hey man, hang on. No seatbelt either, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah, you don't know what's coming.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Yeah, you kind of like just bouncing around, right? You don't know where you're going. But in that, what I did have to catch myself on, and we might have talked talked about this in previous episodes, was try not to put too much expectation on the outcome. I'll let Shannon speak on that here in a sec. But when I was in my earlier journey, because I was a very 1,000 miles an hour guy, at all costs, get from A to B, don't look down, don't look up, just keep looking forward, full throttle, get from A to B. That's just the way I was, and I think I can look back and go, man, I I had some expectations that were not met because uh well, let's be honest, man, I was just I was just putting pie in the sky things out there in my in my personal journey that were kind of fictional at the time. But at some point in my journey, I went on a very special trip. We'll talk about that one day. After I came back from that trip, I ceased with the expectation and I allowed my personal health journey to be my personal health journey. And I took it minute by minute, one step at a time. And when I did started doing it in that context, to me it really opened up a different world for me.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

No, no, no, it's being present. And I'm sorry I had to hear that again. Oh, be present, because it's yeah, it's quite cliche at this point, but there's a reason. It you know, um whether it's just whoever you're sharing the moment with, even eating a good meal, or just outside and natured whatever you're doing. Um when we uh can calm the mind and just be with whatever is happening without much expectation or judgment, the whole mindfulness of uh cool here to say, you know, and just experiencing things as they are in this moment, you know, it it sheds a lot of that that pressure and expectation.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Yeah, and it's I I definitely switched from expectations to intention. That was difficult for me to link to learn. It was difficult for me to conceptualize that until I put it into practice. And for me personally, I found a lot of uh traction in just setting my intention for the day, but giving myself grace because I know how life is. My intention for the day is hey, I want to get up on time. I I nowadays I don't need an alarm. I just I am who I am. So I wake up at three, it is what it is. That's my time I get up. But in that intention, my intention is, hey, I would like to get my journaling in, my my meditation done, my reading, and my exercise.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

That is quite the morning practice you have. Do you just say journaling, exercise, meditation, and reading every morning, getting up at 3 a.m.?

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Yeah, so my my happy hours is 3 a.m. to six a.m.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Three hours. That's good, man.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

So out of the 24 hours I have, in my family understands this, those three hours are for me.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

You start right. You start for you in the quiet of the early morning.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

And in not every morning, my intention is met. So let me back up one sec. So generally at the end of the evening, uh uh you'll find me in my home office uh doing a plethora of different things just depending on the day. But I try to wrap up my evenings with just an idea of hey, my intention tomorrow morning is just what we talked about. But that doesn't happen because we don't live in a perfect world. Things occur, right? So I've been able to give myself enough grace, but in the same context, I still stay in my discipline. So if I and what I mean by that is I might get up at 0-3 in the morning, I might not be feeling the best physically because I've got some things that you know we're working through. So the exercise thing might not happen, right? Because I don't want to put myself in a position where I can't walk tomorrow, or I'm you know, and I'm out of the game for three, four days. So there's that grace. So instead of exercise, maybe I will then read longer, journal longer, or meditate longer. So, yes, that's my time, and I like to get all those things wrapped up in three hours, but there is a moving target, if you will. But that three hours is mine to spend however it is I want to spend it.

unknown 24:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Wow, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

And that is how I set my intention for the day. And it's crazy in my busy, crazy career as a vice president, it really is the rock that sets me in motion. So I conversely, I don't just wake up, oh crap, jump in the shower, throw some clothes on, I grab a cup of coffee, and I fly out the door, and I'm doing 90 to the office because I'm late for a meeting.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Well, the difference is now I'm I'm up, I'm awake, I've I got some good coffee in me because everybody knows me knows I love coffee, hands down. I've had my water for the day, I've had a good breakfast, I've got all these cool things that I've done in three hours, and I'm setting the cruise control on the way to work. I don't even speed the work anymore. I just hit the cruise control. It's 55, I do 55. I don't really care. And I listen to a sometimes I listen to our podcast recordings, and sometimes I listen to some other podcasters. But it's nice just to cruise into the office, and when I come into my office with you know my staff, I'm centered.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

I'm not my hair's not, I don't have a lot of hair left, but my hair's on fire.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

And people can they sense it, they see it, and they're like, oh hey, Mike's here, you know, our boss is in, and I'm not flying up and down the hallway at eight miles and you've you've already had those golden three hours to start your day with for yourself to really just care for self, center in what you are wanting to create for the day, how you want to be for the day. That's that's a powerful practice.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Yeah, and it's and I I want everyone to know this. This is 11 years in the making. I I didn't do this 10 years ago, but 11 years now, this is my practice. This is what makes me tick, this is what makes me feel good, drives my wife crazy sometimes, even on vacation or if we're out just for a good weekend. I still wake up at three. Yeah. A sleep in session for me, and the pro people probably clown me on this one though. If I sleep in, quote unquote, it's like 3 45.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Damn, Michael's getting lazy these days. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

That's exactly what she's like, oh, your whole day's gone. What are you gonna do now? 45 minutes late, you know what I mean? But that's what I mean by setting intention. I have no expectation, I just set the intention that I'm hoping to get, and I do my very best to stay disciplined in the intention.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

And you reap great reward from that, so that just reinforces that for you. Like, ooh, look how much better my work days are going, look how much more centered I am, look how uh better able I'm to able to deal with these difficult situations. I'm I'm just responding more, I'm I'm more grounded and you know, managing my emotions much better. This this really serves me. Of course I want to keep doing this, like uh-oh, it's I I don't want to miss that because it serves me so well.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Yeah, like I said, that could be anything, you know. We talked about it before. I used to be a physical fitness gym nut, and my day started in the gym at 04. And I was I was on a treadmill for 60 minutes every morning, seven days a week without without question. So I it can be anything for anyone. My wish and my hope and prayer for anybody listening is set aside just something for yourself. It doesn't have to be three hours, it could be 30 minutes. Three minutes. Three minutes, two minutes. I I do a minute of breathing, 30 seconds, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:27

Something for yourself that like ah that's that helps. That that feels good, that's but it but it is consistent even daily. If at the end of my shower every day, I'm just going to put in that little bit of extra effort to stretch, just to like, ha, okay, warm water, stretch out, like this, oh my body's needing that. Okay, I I feel better. I'm I'm maintaining a little bit better flexibility because each day I'm allowing myself just some basic stretches. Yeah, that's a practice, that's a daily practice that is beneficial.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Yeah, and Shannon is correct, he hit the nail right on the head. Is it the the time doesn't matter, the duration of time. If you did one minute, 30 seconds of intentional breathing where you just focus on breath, in out, in out, simple things we do every day we don't think about. If you intentionalize that and just concentrate on feeling and listening to your breathing for 30 seconds, 45 seconds throughout the day, periodically, change your life.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Try no, I'm not telling anybody what to do. Um it it can be difficult to remain present with 10 breaths. Inhale, exhale, one, inhale, exhale, two, and generally by about six or seven, oh fuck, what number was I on? Ah duh, oh was I on five or six? Ah, the mind wanders that fast. We we it's hard to keep track of ten breaths if if we're going slow and just trying to settle, be calm, being present, you know. But yeah, anything start easy, start small, just gentleness, just you are caring for yourself. This is good for you, and so don't make it too much of a chore, too much effort. But if the harder I push, the you know, the better it'll be, you know, that that very uh effort-intensive um approach that a lot of this is often overemphasized. Um it's not you know work harder, do better. Sometimes it can just be, oh, hey, let's let's just go easy, let's just uh be gentle on self and see oh that's that that that helps.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Yeah. I'll I'll just leave our audience with this today is that the power is in the intention. That's it. Power is in the intention. If you have intention to do something for yourself and to honor yourself and to care for yourself and to take care of something for you, there's the power. And Shannon's correct, doesn't matter if it's one time, ten times, a thousand times, the intention behind it is where the power is at. And if you just rinse and repeat that a couple times, the next thing you know, man, you could do it a hundred times without even thinking about it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 31:37

It becomes habit, it becomes practice. You you want it. You just yep.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Good habit, good intention, life-changing at some level, caring for yourself. Because that's what unloads about self-care, right? Yep. Well, unfortunately, our time is up. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, but fortunately, as Shannon would tell me, so we can get another episode in down the road. Uh, like always, uh, if you are uh out there and you need help, please go seek that help, Google it, call somebody, um, make an appointment, book an hour for yourself somewhere, talk to somebody. Uh, we wish you the very best. Uh, I thank each and every listener that uh allows us an opportunity to just have a conversation because that's where the power is. And uh this is Mike Seahorn.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

Shannon Morrow.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

And we will catch all of you in the next episode.