Baji: The Big Sister You Never Had
The Baji You Never Had is a podcast for women who grew up being the strong one, the eldest daughter or the one who stepped into that role, the emotional anchor, the fixer, navigating life without an older sister to lean on.
Hosted by Uroosa Malik, a Pakistani-American Muslim woman and proud Baji to her younger sister, this podcast is your safe space for honest conversations about womanhood, identity, healing, faith, boundaries, friendships, and becoming your most authentic self.
Growing up in a South Asian household taught me what it meant to be both a daughter and a son. It taught me to carry responsibility early, break generational patterns, and learn life through trial instead of guidance. This podcast exists to be the voice many of us didn’t have growing up: reassurance, clarity, sisterly wisdom and more.
Each episode feels like chai with your big sister where we're reflective, grounding, sometimes tough, often tender. We’ll talk about navigating relationships, self-worth, cultural expectations, faith journeys, confidence, and learning how to choose yourself without guilt.
This podcast is for the eldest daughter who always had to be strong. For women craving a safe, values-aligned space to grow and create their own path. For Brown girls who worked twice as hard just to be seen. And for any woman, from any background, seeking guidance, healing, and a reminder that she is not alone.
Baji: The Big Sister You Never Had
Your 20s Were Never Meant to Look Like Everyone Else’s
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Welcome to the very first episode of Baji: The Big Sister You Never Had.
If you’ve ever opened Instagram and felt like everyone else was somehow ahead of you, getting married, having babies, buying homes, hitting all the “right” milestones, this episode is for you.
As I turn 30, I’ve been reflecting on the pressure so many of us, especially brown women and eldest daughters, quietly carry. The pressure of timelines. Of expectations. Of being the first to do things differently while still trying not to disappoint the people we love.
What happens when your life doesn’t look like what you were told it should?
What happens when marriage isn’t your starting line?
In this episode, we’re talking about choosing yourself now, not later. Building your identity before the milestones. Navigating the loneliness of being the first to question norms, take a different path, move away, or create a life no one before you modeled for you.
Because different does not mean behind.
And if the path feels lonely, maybe it’s because you’re the first one walking it.
If no one has told you this before, I’m proud of you.
Welcome to Bhaji, the big sister you never had. Here, we dive deep into the art of navigating life as the eldest daughter through stories, lessons, and heartfelt sisterly advice. We'll challenge tradition, embrace our power, and step into the woman we were always meant to be, all while staying grounded in our faith. And I'm your host, Arusa Mullik. It took a lot of behind the scenes to get to this point, and I'm genuinely so excited to finally begin this journey with you. As I turned 30 this year, I found myself reflecting a lot on where I am in my life and what this stage is really supposed to look like. And I know for many of you listening, especially women who grew up in South Asian households, you were given a certain idea of how your life would unfold, almost like it was already written for you, with a timeline, a sequence, and a version of life that was expected just to happen. And you were told that this is how your life would pan out before you had the chance to figure out if that's what you truly wanted for yourself or your future. But let's be real. In reality, that's not everyone's truth. And I think that's why your 20s can feel so confusing. Because your 20s are a beautiful decade filled with life lessons preparing you for the next stage of your life. This is a time where you're figuring out who you are, what you want your life to look like, and what it all truly means to you. And don't get me wrong, this isn't meant to be easy because it won't be. But that's exactly why this episode matters. Because we're going to walk through some of those reflection points together. And for you to know that you are not alone in this and that your journey is uniquely yours. Your 20s were never meant to look like everyone else's. But no one tells you that when you're in the middle of it. One day you open Instagram, and someone you went to high school with is getting married, someone else is having a baby, or another has just bought a house, and suddenly you start questioning your own life. And recently I've been thinking about this a lot on what I've learned, what I've unlearned, and everything I'm still figuring out. And one thing I've realized is this no one really prepares brown women for this phase of their life. This in-between phase where you're not who you used to be, but you're not fully who you're becoming yet. You're in a phase of learning, unlearning, growing, evolving. But somehow it still feels like something is missing. And then there's this pressure that creeps in. The voices of culture, society, expectations. They get louder. And the hardest part is no one actually says it out loud, but you feel it. You feel it in conversations, in questions people ask you, in the subtle comparisons you didn't even sign up for. And slowly you start measuring your life against timelines that were never meant for you. You start to feel like you're falling behind. But here's what I've but here's what I've had to remind myself, and I and what I want to remind you. Your timeline was never meant to look like everyone else's. Different does not mean behind. It simply means it's yours. This is your journey, your story, and this is just the beginning of your becoming. And while you're in this space, figuring out who you are, how do you actually build your identity when everything around you is telling you to wait? You hear things like travel when you're married, do that after marriage, live later. But when is later exactly? How are you supposed to discover who you are if you're constantly being told that you need to delay your life? To wait for a milestone that hasn't even happened yet. Because the truth is, later is one of the easiest ways to keep you from becoming who you're meant to be. You keep waiting. And before you know it, you built a life around delay instead of intention. But here's the truth marriage is not the starting point. Where you are right now in your life, that is your starting point. And I'm here to tell you do not wait. Do not wait for a tomorrow that isn't promised. Choose yourself today. I want you to choose to live now, choose to experience now, and choose to grow now. This is a time where you build your independence, your identity, your joy. Because marriage should add to your life that you've already built. It should not be that thing that finally allows you to start living it. And when you start choosing yourself like that, when you stop waiting and you actually begin living your life, that's when you'll feel it the most. And what you begin to feel is something no one really prepares you for. That loneliness starts to creep in. And for some of you, especially those who are the eldest daughters, this feeling can be even heavier. Because no one really talks about how lonely it is to be the eldest daughter who is trying to choose a different life. You can be surrounded by people and you can still feel like you're figuring everything out on your own. Because when you step out of your comfort zone, you quickly realize no one before you has paved the way. So you're not just living your life, you're challenging norms that were never meant to be questioned. You might be the first one to move away, the first to travel alone, the first to choose a path no one in your family has taken. And as an eldest daughter, you will walk first. And walking first means you won't always be understood. Not because you're wrong, but because you're early. And that path will oftentimes feel lonely. You're the first to speak up, the first to question, the first to want something different. And while those moments are powerful, they're also uncomfortable, isolating, and oftentimes vulnerable. You didn't have someone to show you how, so you become the example while still figuring it out yourself. And then comes the pressure. Your siblings are watching you, your parents are trusting you, and then there's this quiet fear of disappointing them while you're trying not to lose yourself. And I remembered this so clearly in my own life. Growing up, we're often told you move out when you're married. But I was given the opportunity to step out and I moved to Washington, DC. And I remember the anxiety. There was this pit in my stomach thinking, how am I going to do this alone? All I had ever known was home. No one had shown me the way. But I knew it was real when my car was packed and my family and I were driving to DC. And in that moment, I realized there was no going back. And for the first time, I wasn't just simply leaving home. I was stepping into a version of myself no one had seen before. It was my time to grow alone, without comfort, and without familiarity. And yes, it was absolutely uncomfortable. There were moments I questioned everything. But growth doesn't come from comfort. It comes from choosing yourself, even when it feels unfamiliar. You're not alone and feeling this way. You're just the first to do it. And that comes with weight. But it also comes with purpose. And despite everything you've been told, let me say this clearly: you are not behind. You didn't miss your moment. You didn't fail the timeline. You rejected one that was never meant for you. And if that path feels lonely, that's because you're the first one walking it. And the first, they don't get examples. They become them. And one day, the life you're building right now will make sense in ways you can't see yet. So if there's anything I hope you take away from this episode, it's this. You are not alone in what you're feeling. You are a part of a community of women who are navigating the same questions, the same emotions, and the same cultural pressures that have been passed down for generations. And you might be the one who chooses to question them and possibly change them. You are on a journey to create a life that is truly your own. And yes, it will come with challenges. People may question your choices, but it will lead you to a story that was never written for anyone else, but it was written for you. And if no one has told you this before, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of how far you've come and who you're becoming. Thank you for tuning in to Bhaji, the big sister you never had. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to share, subscribe, and leave a review. It helps us grow this sisterhood. And remember, you're never alone on this journey. Till then, keep thriving. Stay authentic, and I'll catch you in the next episode.