Don't BREAK These 3 Simple Rules | Relationship Dynamics Pt. I | 15.1

Tired of relationships that start strong but eventually fall into drama, chaos, and resentment?

In this episode, I break down Three Simple Rules for masculine relationship dynamics that create longer, better, and easier relationships.

You’ll learn how to:

• Take the lead — Make clear decisions, set direction, and stop waiting for her to guide the relationship
• Put your purpose first — Why your mission and goals must come before any woman, and why putting her first can actually hurt you
• Stay stable when the feminine becomes chaotic — How to hold your frame, remain grounded, and lead with calm strength even when emotions run high

These are hidden rules you already have inside!

When you apply these three rules, you’ll experience fewer power struggles, less emotional whiplash, and more harmony — while becoming the kind of man high-quality women naturally respect and follow.

Whether you’re currently in a relationship or preparing for the next one, this episode will help you show up as the grounded, purposeful man you were meant to be.

If you’re ready to stop struggling in relationships and start leading them with confidence, head to the link in bio for more tools.

Stop hoping she’ll change.
Become the man who naturally creates better dynamics.

Let’s build stronger relationships. 

#RelationshipAdviceForMen #MasculineLeadership #RelationshipDynamics #MensMentalHealth #PurposeDriven #FrameControl #MasculineEnergy #BreakupRecovery #PodcastForMen #BadassComeback

Hosted by Chris Ryan - Professional Life Coach | B.A. Psychology

Breakup and divorce recovery coaching for men

For coaching inquiries and general questions, email: coachchrisryan@gmail.com

*The BCP is 100% self-funded and does not run ads.

Keywords: breakup recovery for men, divorce recovery for men, rebuilding identity after breakup, masculine qualities after divorce, feeling incomplete after breakup, reclaiming masculinity post-breakup, life after divorce for men, men's self-improvement after breakup, healing from heartbreak men, post-breakup identity crisis men, divorced men recovery, broken up men healing, men's mental health after relationship ends.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the Badass Comeback Podcast, boys. Today we're going to talk about relationship dynamics. This is part one of a three-part series, and today we're covering three super easy mindset shifts to tune up your relationship knowledge. I have put hundreds of hours, probably over a thousand, into researching, reading books, articles, talking to couples married for 50 years plus about what exactly makes a relationship not only last, but stay fun and exciting. And there were three things that stuck out to me. One, what I found was that a lot of everyday advice out there about relationships is garbage. Number two, a surprisingly low number of people actually know about true relationship dynamics. And three, the most important concepts are unspoken ones. It's almost like uncovering a secret that isn't really a secret. But still, no one talks about it. And as a result, our divorce rate is so alarmingly high. And most couples just don't know how to maintain a relationship properly these days. But after this three-part series, you are going to be way ahead of most everybody else out there. Part of my mission here is to give you guys a massive advantage when you're ready to start dating again, especially with how crazy and somehow also dull the modern dating scene has become. After this series, you will be armed with the best masculine mindset. So your next relationship is not only way better, it's way easier as well. You're going to be unlocking hidden traits that are already inside of you. So if you are ready to unleash the badass masculine within, let's dive right in. So first, we're going to touch on the masculine and feminine dynamic. This is the most fundamental part of understanding how romantic relationships actually work. The masculine and feminine are opposite charges of a magnet. The more masculine someone is, the more feminine of a partner they will attract. And notice how I said someone and partner. That's because there are super masculine chicks and there are super feminine dudes out there. Ever seen a gay or lesbian couple where one is super masculine and the other is super feminine? The masculine and feminine are not exclusive to one gender. They are sexual essences. Sexual essence is what sort of sexual energy you give off. They are opposites, and those opposites attract. That being said, not everything a guy does is going to be masculine, and vice versa. Classic example is raising kids. Nurturing is a feminine quality, but when mom needs a break, dad takes over and nurtures. It doesn't mean he puts on a dress and breastfeeds. He assumes the duty that is necessary, but he doesn't just abandon his masculinity altogether. Conversely, protection is a masculine quality, but if the kids are in danger, mom may assume a protective role if dad isn't around. Real quick, here are some feminine qualities. Nurturing, elegant, soft, soft spoken, submissive, gentle, externally validated, beautiful, and follower of the masculine. Here are some masculine qualities: strong, dominant, internally validated, fearless, bold, providing and protecting, and leader of the feminine. So now that we understand that sometimes it is necessary to take on a role that is opposite of one's masculine or feminine essence, now we have to dive into how our modern Western society has blurred the lines between those rare instances. Those hidden traits I mentioned in the intro are hidden because guys in general have just forgotten how to live by them, their true essence as masculine men. Something happened in the 50s and 60s where guys started handing the power and control of the relationship over to their wives. And I think there were a lot of factors that played into this, but that was definitely the first domino. Women started working, and as much as that is a good thing, it also meant that those women didn't need to rely on a man to provide for them. Now, am I saying that's a bad thing? No. If you're a chick and you want to work instead of being a stay-at-home mom, fully support you exercising that choice. More power to you. But there was this shift that happened. Women started making more decisions, not only around the house and with finances and stuff, they started making relationship decisions. And these are decisions that are separate from the kids and the bills. Relationship decisions are mutual decisions that involve only the couple in question. These are some relationship decisions that modern couples fight over and fucking break up over all the damn time. You're probably going to recognize some of these, ready? What to eat for dinner? Who drives the car? What to do on their day off? Who makes the final decision to buy something expensive? Basically, any mutual relationship decision that involves only the two of them as a couple. The person making the mutual relationship decisions is the one in charge of the relationship. Somewhere along the way, dudes forgot how to lead the relationship. They started looking to their wives to make decisions by asking her preference. Now, is it okay to ask her preference? Yeah, because you want your woman to have choice, which of course is a very good thing. You want her to have equal say because she's your girlfriend or your wife. You guys are a team. A relationship is not slavery. And as badasses, of course, we are never to be domineering, but we do have to be dominant and take the lead. And yes, there is a way to lead the relationship and still leave plenty of room for your woman to provide her own input or reject a decision that you make for the two of you. In other words, she still has equal say, you just initiate the process or the decision. But here's the thing: most guys do this backwards. They first ask her what she wants to do, eat or buy, or whatever. But this upsets the feminine. Remember that the feminine is a follower of the masculine. She doesn't want to lead him. It goes against her natural essence. Hence, why you might have experienced a woman who gets frustrated when you plop a decision that needs to be made into her lap. She gets annoyed and upset because she does not want to make the decision. She wants you to make the decision. She may not explicitly say that, but if she is getting annoyed when you are asking her what you guys should do for X, Y, or Z decision, there's your answer. But of course, she doesn't want to be your slave and obey your every command. So what's the solution here? It's very simple. Instead of asking her what she prefers with a question, suggest something with a statement. So instead of asking her, hey babe, where do you want to eat tonight? You think about a place that the two of you would like to eat, and then you suggest it like this. Hey, babe, we should get sushi tonight. Or hey, let's go to that sandwich place later. Here's another one. On errand day, you have three stores to hit. Instead of asking which one she wants to go to first with a question, think of something that makes sense and then suggest using a statement. Hey hon, we should hit the shoe store and then the home goods store and then the grocery store. Notice how these statements start with we should blah blah blah or let's blah blah blah. They are not orders or demands, but they're also not questions. They are suggestions. It's very simple. And it does two things very well. It does the masculine thing and provides direction. It also leaves room for her to counter your suggestion if she doesn't like it. Because if you just say, we're gonna eat pizza tonight, that doesn't leave her much of a choice. If you suggest using the method above and say, hey, we should get pizza tonight, she has room to say something like, Ah, I'm not feeling pizza. How about something else? So now if she rejects your suggestion, you just rinse and repeat using another statement. Okay, let's try that new burger joint instead. Guys, taking the lead like this shows balls. And it may seem silly to try and prove your masculinity to your wife who's been with you for so many years, but for every masculine thing you do, even if it's a little decision on where to fucking eat, she becomes more and more feminine. The polarity intensifies and that dynamic fluctuates from time to time. But the more you take the lead and make the decisions, the more connected to you she will feel. Making decisions is a masculine quality. The feminine wants to relax into your decisions because she trusts you to lead her in a direction that is best for the relationship. When you plop a decision into her lap, you're essentially saying, Honey, please make the decision for me. You are putting yourself in the submissive role. You are leaving her no choice but to take on the masculine role of making decisions for you. The feminine hates this. It goes against her natural essence. It's friction. It's kind of like when that one party pooper shows up to an event and drags the whole vibe down. You kind of just look at the person and go, uh, that is how she feels when you ask her to take charge. And this goes back to our primal instincts. Women feel safe with a man who can protect them. If he doesn't know how to pick a restaurant, how in the hell is he going to be able to make a life-saving split-second decision when the two of them are faced with danger? And that seems a bit extreme, but this is how the feminine is wired. This goes back thousands of years. A man who is decisive is a man she can rely on in times of peace and in times of war. So here's rule number one: mutual relationship decisions default to you. You don't have to decide what she's going to eat when she goes to work on her lunch break. That's a her decision. Same with your own decisions. Now, if she suggests something first, don't just say yes and go along with it without even thinking about it. Think to yourself if you actually want to do that as well. And if you don't, suggest an alternative and keep working with her to find a solution that you're both okay with. And if she keeps rejecting your suggestions one after the other, that's when you just plop it back in her lap. Okay, you don't like any of my suggestions, you pick them. Most likely she's just gonna revert back to one of your suggestions. This is how you lead a relationship all the way from the first date, or from you approaching her. It never ends. Ever hear about a relationship that got dull and boring, or how she stopped wanting sex, or how fights got worse and worse? Yeah, I guarantee at least one of the factors was a guy who didn't take charge and lead the relationship like he should have, and who frequently looked to his wife to lead them. Mutual relationship decisions default to you. Okay, next concept. We have to talk about purpose versus partner. And I've mentioned this in previous episodes. Your purpose is what you were put on this earth to do. It can be a lifelong purpose or it can be short term, and you can have more than one. For some guys, it's being an athlete or a musician or even both. For some, it's a college degree, a career, or even a super involved hobby. As a man, your purpose keeps you going and it's one of the foundations of your confidence. Masculine happiness is rooted in purpose. Never ever compromise your goals, mission, and purpose for what anyone else wants, especially your girl. Your purpose transcends even you as a person. Because most likely that purpose benefits other people in some way, shape, or form. In fact, I want you to think of one of your purposes or your main purpose. And if you're not working towards one right now, no worries. Just think of something that you would do that's super meaningful if money was no issue. Something that makes you wake up every day stoked to grind it out. Now, I want you to imagine the woman of your dreams way hotter than your ex, way better in every way. What if I told you that you could date her and she would never, ever leave you except you have to give up your purpose. And I'm really hoping that every single one of you would say no to that offer. Kind of like those ridiculous stories you hear about a chick giving the dude an ultimatum between his dog and her. Kinda easy, obviously. Don't ever quit something that is meaningful to you for anyone, even your girl. Why? You will lose yourself. And once she sees that you're not the man you used to be because you gave it up, she's going to leave you. Okay, that's cool. But what if our girl is super supportive of our purpose but complains that we spend too much time on it and not with her? Well, this is where we must find a balance. The feminine is always going to want your time and attention as long as she's in love with you. In fact, she's going to want your time and attention so much that the two of you might be sleepwalking right into territory where you're spending too much time together if this is left unchecked. There needs to be a balance. You need to be putting in efficient work on your purpose. Efficiency means less time spent in general to get the same result or better result. This can free up time for your relationship. Now, the time with her must also be quality. Because if you're grinding all day and then you come home and your time with her is just sitting on the couch on your phones, that's not quality. Remember, you are the leader. Suggest something where the two of you can connect better. Go outside with no phones and a drink in hand and touch grass. Go for a walk, take her out to her favorite ice cream place. I don't know. Get creative. The feminine wants time, but she will rarely tell you that quality of time is better than quantity of time. You work hard to provide and you do work in your purpose that is changing the world, even if it's at a small scale. Hell yeah. Make the time with her count by putting a little extra effort into it. It goes way further than you think. You guys ready for a quick secret? Always have her looking forward to something fun with you. Have at least one fun thing lined up for the next week or two. Because think of it, she sees you working hard and she loves you for that. But if there's nothing planned, and this is your fourth night in a row working late, she's gonna be wondering when the next quality time with you will be. And this will slowly start to eat at her. If this builds up too long, she's eventually gonna hit you with the whole, why do you have to work so much? Or this thing that you're doing is taking up way too much of your time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now you have an argument on your hands. Plan something fun a week or two out. After you do the fun thing, plan another thing. And no, don't make it a routine. Don't just go to dinner every Saturday night. Mix it up a little bit. The feminine loves, fucking loves spontaneity. So the next time you're working late or golfing with your buds, she's gonna be missing you, of course, but she's gonna have her eyes on the prize. The two of you spending quality time doing the thing that you, as the masculine, planned. In fact, here's a secret within the secret. Plan surprise dates or events. Block out a time on the calendar. Tell her what to wear and what time to be ready, but don't tell her what it is or where you're going. No matter what, keep it as a surprise. Trust me, she's gonna be so excited that you're probably gonna get annoyed at how often she asks you, Babe, please tell me where we're going, please, in the days leading up. And yeah, if your chick is the type that says, Oh, don't do this, I hate surprises, even better. Demonstrate your strength by keeping the surprise a friggin' surprise. Always have her looking forward to quality time with you. It is the best way to balance time with her versus your purpose. It'll make keeping your purpose number one that much easier, which leads us into rule number two. Purpose over partner. But wait, as in number one, and she is number two? Yes, number one. She's your number one woman, of course, but she is not what makes you the man you are. For some of you, I know that's a harsh thing to hear, but think about it. Your purpose is part of who you are. A romantic partner adds to your life and is supposed to bring out the best in you, but you don't change for her. Also, you wouldn't ask her to give up her purpose for you, would you? Then hold that same expectation. Why? Because you are in control of your purpose. You are not in control of whether she stays with you or not. Let's say that you give up your purpose somewhere down the line in the relationship. If she leaves, which she most likely will, if you do give it up, you're gonna be without her and without your purpose. Horrible place to restart. Ask me how I know. So, purpose over partner. Moving on. Concept number three. Arguments. Guys, there's disagreements, and then there's arguments, and then there's fights. And there's a difference between disagreements and the latter two. Disagreements are mostly logical. Arguments and fights are mostly emotional. The problem with emotions like frustration and anger are that they usually override logic and reason. They also open up opportunities to insult each other and say shitty things and do shitty things to each other. In other words, there is a problem. You need a solution. A disagreement is the best way to find the solution if you can't agree at first. An argument or fight is a bad way to find the solution. In fact, you're probably not going to find it while you're in the argument or fight. Yeah, the two of you might cool down and talk later, but the part in between where your emotions were all fucking haywire, putting stress on yourselves and wasting time, all that shit is unnecessary. But couples, of course, do this all the time. Our society thinks this is normal. But enough arguments, and you're gonna start to wonder why you guys are still together. Ever hear of a couple who broke up because they just fucking fought all the time? Gentlemen, the feminine can be beautiful, but she can also be chaotic. She is like Mother Nature. Some days she's warm and pleasant, but some days she's a storm that can be difficult to handle. All you have to remember is that your masculinity is like the mountain. Mother Nature wreaks havoc on the mountain, but the mountain does not move. He is stable. When you are in a disagreement with a feminine, recognize where you are and don't go past it. If you're at a level four and she escalates to a six, you stay at a four. If she starts raising her voice and getting flustered, stand your ground and stay stable at that four. Don't let your voice or your energy go past where you want it to be. If you can stay at that low level, she will naturally, or rather, she should come back down to your level eventually. Human beings balance each other out like this in terms of their energy. If you stay at a four and she goes up to a six, she'll probably go to an eight if you match her six. But if you stay at that four, most likely she's going to come back down to the four, and then you just avoided an argument and or possibly a fight. Stay stable. Don't change the tone of your voice. You can express your concerns, set boundaries, and put emphasis on what you think is important without cussing and yelling. Be the mountain. You are strong. You don't have to allow yourself to be affected by the feminine storms or anyone else's shit weather for that matter. When you wake up in the morning, you can decide if you want to have a shit day or a good day. If you decide that you're gonna have a good day, you're not gonna allow yourself to be affected by other people's garbage energy. Try that. This stability is one of the best things that you can be for the feminine. She needs the masculine to be strong, consistent, and stable for her to feel safe and connected. To him. A good way to practice this is the next time you're confronted with someone who is getting frustrated at you for something. You're going to feel your energy shift inside. And it's different for everyone. Some feel it in their chest, others feel it in their head or their gut. Recognizing this shift in your state when someone is throwing crappy energy at you, you just stay right where you are, energy-wise. Keep your tone of voice the same. Just talk as if they aren't escalating. Boys, we are badasses. We don't let anyone else's energy mess with us. We are stable. And that stability alone balances out any other bad energy in the room. Now, with that being said, we are not cold, emotionless robots. We can't be lying to ourselves and failing to admit when we're angry or frustrated. It's okay to feel that shit. Everyone does. It means you're normal. It's what you do with it that can be harmful. If we're giving in to how we feel and allowing it to control our actions, that's not stability. That's just more chaos that adds to the argument. And very important note here: this whole concept means that you still work to resolve whatever the conflict is with your woman. It does not mean you just say, yes, dear, and walk away just to avoid the issue altogether. Demonstrate your strength by remaining stable, making her feel heard and understood, while also making sure that she hears and understands you. And no, yelling doesn't make people hear you. It does the opposite. Work with her to resolve whatever it is. Now, of course, is this a 100% surefire way to keep her calm so the two of you can carry on? No. She might even get upset that you're not matching your energy. She may still refuse to resolve the issue. Some people are just shitty communicators. I can't promise that your next girl will be a good communicator and appreciate you being the mountain. But I can promise you that you will have a much better idea of what your future would look like with her. And who knows, you might decide to move on before you put a ring on it. So, rule number three: you are the mountain, the rock. When the feminine turns ugly and stormy, you stay stable. Alright, guys, quick recap of today's rules. They were mutual relationship decisions default to you, purpose over partner, and you are the mountain at all times, especially when disagreements pop up. Boys, we can't expect the feminine to be feminine if we are not being masculine. The feminine follows your lead. If you are letting things get dull in their relationship, if you're not taking the lead or working too much or even sacrificing your purpose for her or giving into her chaos, we cannot expect her to stay feminine. But if we are being consistently masculine, she will respond by being consistently feminine. We can't just sit around, eat pizza, drink beer, never take her on dates, and expect her to put on the lingerie and be down for sexy time whenever we want. The feminine follows your lead. Where the relationship goes and how the relationship is is up to you. Most guys think that's just too much effort. Okay, cool. Now you know why she won't want to reciprocate and put in her effort. You are not most guys. You are badass. Your next girl is gonna be stoked to walk beside you if you keep tuning up your masculinity like this. But if you're not ready to start dating again, remember the rules we talked about. You're gonna start seeing patterns in your day-to-day. You recognize behaviors that we talked about, I guarantee it. Finally, guys, remember that this isn't about you trying to be someone you're not. You already have this masculine relationship programming inside of you. All you gotta do is apply it, and everything will start to click. Everything I talk about on this podcast is geared to turn you into a badass. You have no idea what rewards are waiting for you. This is the time for learning. In fact, some of the concepts we talked about are out of that book I've mentioned before, How to Be a Three Percent Man by Corey Way. If you really want to come to understand relationships better than 97% of guys out there, read that book as many times as you can. I think I'm on read number 12 now. All right, guys, thanks for being with me. That's it for part one. Stay tuned for part two coming next week, and I will see you then.