Feminine Language DECODED | Relationship Dynamics Pt. II | 15.2

Tired of miscommunication, unnecessary arguments, and feeling like you’re constantly guessing what she really means?

In this episode of The Badass Comeback, I break down Decoding Feminine Language — the practical skills that most men never learn, but make a massive difference in relationships.

You’ll discover:

• How to effectively persuade with women without being fake
• Powerful techniques for conflict resolution that de-escalate tension and actually bring you closer
• Why paying attention to her non-verbal communication (body language, tone, energy) is often more important than her words

This isn’t about becoming a people-pleaser or walking on eggshells.
It’s about becoming the calm, grounded, masculine man who understands how feminine energy works — so you can lead the relationship effectively.

When you apply these skills, you’ll create a relationship that feels happy, fun, and exciting — where your woman feels safe, cherished, and naturally wants to take care of you while staying consistently feminine.

Stop struggling with mixed signals and unnecessary drama.
Start building the kind of relationship most men only dream about.

Understand her better. Lead better. Love better.

Let’s create the kind of relationship you actually want. 

#RelationshipAdviceForMen #FeminineEnergy #MasculineLeadership #HealthyRelationships #ConflictResolution #CommunicationInRelationships #MensMentalHealth #PodcastForMen #BadassComeback

Hosted by Chris Ryan - Professional Life Coach | B.A. Psychology

Breakup and divorce recovery coaching for men

For coaching inquiries and general questions, email: coachchrisryan@gmail.com

*The BCP is 100% self-funded and does not run ads.

Keywords: breakup recovery for men, divorce recovery for men, rebuilding identity after breakup, masculine qualities after divorce, feeling incomplete after breakup, reclaiming masculinity post-breakup, life after divorce for men, men's self-improvement after breakup, healing from heartbreak men, post-breakup identity crisis men, divorced men recovery, broken up men healing, men's mental health after relationship ends.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back, guys. I'm sounding different today because I was having audio issues with my setup, so I'm currently using my wife's gaming headset for the time being. I'm aiming to have a new setup by next Saturday, and I appreciate you bearing with me. Let's freaking go. This is part two of Relationship Dynamics. Today we are decoding the language of the feminine. Boy, oh boy, this episode is probably going to piss a lot of people off, but don't worry, this is just one of many episodes you're going to hear about this subject. There is way too much information to cram into 30 minutes, so we're going to talk about it more in future episodes. This episode is for those of you who have ever struggled trying to understand what the feminine is trying to tell you or how you can communicate better with her. We all know this is one of the biggest mysteries in relationships. There are so many breakups that it could have been prevented if the couple only knew how to communicate with each other. Give me 25 minutes of your time today, and you'll have a much better understanding of how the feminine communicates. And once you start applying this knowledge in your life, you will very soon realize how most guys and most gals are screwing up relationship communication. We're going to start with a commonly misunderstood concept. Masculine language leans more logical, feminine language leans more emotional. And the part that's misunderstood in our society is that people try to simplify and say that masculine is logical and feminine is emotional, but that blanket black and white statement is not true. Studies have actually shown only slight differences, but studies also show that women consistently score higher on emotional expression, emotional intelligence, and facial expressions when responding to emotional stimuli. What we can gather is that the feminine is much more engaged in her emotions than the masculine. This tendency allows us to open up the understanding that in order to communicate effectively with her, we simply have to be aware that what she is feeling carries more weight in her decisions. And this is the most basic concept as far as understanding the differences between feminine and masculine language. Engaging her emotions is a much better way to connect with her. Now, do you have to immediately change your language by using more emotional words when you're talking to the feminine? No. In casual everyday conversation, the mask and femme can understand each other pretty well. But there are some areas us guys can improve on, and this is something that I still have to remind myself of, even though I've been studying this for a long time. Two of those areas in particular are persuasion and conflict resolution. Persuasion first. So when we are conveying something to our chick, whether you just approached her or have been married for 50 years, we have to highlight the emotional benefits of it. Let's say you're taking her on a date, whether it's her very first date or you've been with her for 40 years. You did the masculine thing and picked the time and place. Great start. But she is hesitant. She says, Ah, I don't know, I've never been to that restaurant before. Which of the following responses will yield a better reaction from her? Response number one. You say, Oh, this restaurant has been around for 75 years. The chef is from Italy and has earned numerous rewards for her ravioli, and the wait staff is quick and very attentive. Or response two. You say, Oh, you've never been there, oh, you're gonna fall in love with it so fast. This place is some of the most delicious ravioli you will ever have. You're absolutely gonna melt in your chair. Also, the chef is incredible and the wait staff are super friendly. They're gonna make you feel right at home. Obviously, response two has much more emotional emphasis. Words like delicious, fall in love, friendly, feel at home are all appealing to the feminine a lot more than the word choice from response one. Response number one will likely bore her to death. And yeah, I'm talking to you, engineers. Focusing on the emotional benefits of whatever it is instantly engages her, even if you want to discourage her from doing something. Now, is this manipulation? Are we pulling emotional strings to brainwash her into being our subservient slave? No. Both of the response options about the restaurant are true. You are just choosing what to focus on. The reality is that we talk differently depending on who is in front of us. We all do this. We actually change our language more in other everyday areas. For example, you don't talk to your boss the same way you talk to your homies, right? Even though the mask and femme can understand each other for the most part, the feminine is much more engaged emotionally than the masculine is. Not only are they way more in touch with how they feel, they're more in touch with the vibe of their environment and how other people are feeling. Practicing this emotional emphasis can also help with conflict resolution. So here we go. We're gonna use an easy scenario. Say you went out to grab coffee and only got one for yourself. You're assuming that since you saw her drinking homemade coffee this morning, that she wouldn't have wanted one anyway. But you get home and she's bummed that you didn't get her a drink anyway. Which of the following responses from you is gonna make her feel better? Response one, you say, Oh, I'm sorry, I'll go back and grab you a drink. Response two, I'm sorry, I saw you drinking our coffee this morning, I didn't think you wanted another one. Option three, oh I'm sorry for not thinking about you when I got it. I didn't mean to make you feel left out. I'll tell you what, next time I go out and grab one, I'll get you the most delicious latte you've ever had. So let's go over them. Option one is a rather simpy response. Don't inconvenience yourself like that. You're gonna look like a servant in her eyes, which is gonna make her pussy dry up like a desert. Option two is a logical response that most of us guys would calculate is appropriate, but it won't address her emotions. Option three quells her negative emotions. Why? What is she feeling? She's feeling left out, she's feeling unimportant. And right now you're probably thinking left out and unimportant? It's just coffee. Remember, guys, she is more emotionally engaged than you are. So, yes, to her, it feels like a bigger deal because of the emotional ramifications of you leaving her out. We have to resolve the issue by recognizing that. By you apologizing for the mistake and then recognizing how you made her feel, you made her feel heard, which in turn makes her feel loved and important. Now for bigger issues. Last week we talked about being the mountain and not reciprocating to her escalating a conflict. If you hurt her feelings in any way, when it comes time to apologize, you can't just apologize for the thing. You need to also acknowledge the way you made her feel. And if you don't know how she's feeling, ask her, what did you feel when I said that? Even if she says something ridiculous like, Well, I felt like you saw me as the worst wife in the world, you need to recognize that and apologize for that too. Now, for a good amount of guys, they're gonna think, ah, that's too much work, or that's just too emotional talk. I don't want to do that. But chances are those are guys who are always fighting with their wives, they complain about how she doesn't want to bang him anymore, how she just nags him, she's not putting effort into being feminine, all that stuff. Guys, it's really important to keep digging until you find the root emotion that she's feeling. You have to address it and apologize for making her feel that way. No matter how ridiculous it seems, that 1% extra effort in your conflict resolution will save you way more long-term effort. Women need to feel heard and understood. Be that rock for her, and also be her healer. It's part of your duty as the masculine. Boys, the feminine is emotionally engaged to fucking basically everything at any given point. And you can bet your ass she is always aware of how you are making her feel at any given moment. Think about this. Her emotional pendulum swings faster than ours does. Let's say she had a bad day. She walks in the door, gives you a half-assed peck on the lips, and brushes by you as if you were just in her way. And so you think, oh, sounds like she had a bad day. So you hang out with her to make her feel better, but still there's no change in her mood. Then you check on her later she's watching TV and barely acknowledges you. So you think, oh well, maybe she needs to sleep it off. But the next day comes, same thing. And at that point, most likely, you're finally gonna start to feel uneasy. Now flip the rolls. You walk in after a bad day, quick kiss, and then you brush past her. Most likely, she is gonna feel that uneasiness right away. Then she is gonna show signs that she is upset. She may start nagging, she may ask, what's wrong? And then get upset when you tell her something like had a bad day, don't really want to talk about it. She might even continue being upset with you into the night. Have any of you ever experienced this? When you walked in the door and didn't give her the affection that she was looking forward to all day, she feels rejection. She tried to be nurturing and ask what's wrong, but when you said you don't want to talk about it, she feels dismissed. A common argument that ensues involves the masculine eventually saying something like, Babe, yes, I still love you. I just had a bad day. It has nothing to do with you. Guys, the feminine wants to feel your love and affection all of the time. Obviously, this doesn't mean show up with flowers every single day overly happy and constantly gushing about how much you love her. You can be real and still show her you love her. In fact, you should. You can still have a shitty day and make her feel loved. Everyone has crappy days. Remember that your relationship with her is not your relationship with work or whatever major day garbage. When we are not feeling our best, we still have to give her the love and affection we know she deserves. Does this mean we just flip a switch whenever we get home and our stress just turns off and we can be happy and loving and energetic? No, we can communicate our mood and that she still matters to us without being fake. It looks something like this. You come home, you're burnt out, or you're in a bad mood. When you walk in the door, there she is, big smile and open arms. Instead of being closed off to her because you're stressed or whatever, communicate with her. And this doesn't mean just dump your stress onto her and cry on her shoulder. And it can be quick too. You can say it's something like, Hey babe, happy to be home, had a really crappy day though. I don't want to talk about it. I'm gonna shower and lay down for a while. I want to hear about your day though, so come hang out with me later. You look beautiful, by the way. This type of response is short and sweet, tells her where you're at, acknowledges her caring for you, leaves room for her to bond with you later, and the beautiful compliment is a nice cherry on top. What does she feel when you go about it this way? Instead of dismissed and unloved, she's gonna feel bad that you had a crappy day, but she's also gonna feel all warm and fuzzy because even though you're in a bad mood, you still invited her first and quality time later, and now she feels beautiful because you just called her beautiful. Remember, guys, the shit parts of your life are not the same as your life with her. I mean, if your life with her is shit, that's one thing. But otherwise, we have to keep her separate from the rest of our lives. The feminine wants to nurture you, but you have to make her feel loved. Yes, even if it's a quick conversation before you go relax and unwind on your own. But we cannot expect her to be feminine and nurture us if we aren't being masculine and engaging her emotions. Remember, the feminine is externally validated. Most of her validation comes from you. When she doesn't feel beautiful, she will often ask you if she thinks she looks beautiful. Ever experience that? When you validate her on the regular, even if it's just a quick smile and a wink or a quick kiss, she will stay in her feminine nurturing state. Who knows? She might even surprise you later with a beer or your favorite panties to cheer you up when you're burnt out. This point is really important because there are so many couples who break up because she didn't feel loved anymore and or the guy didn't feel appreciated or supported, because the guy thought that he was showing his love for her in the logical way, by means of working long hours, the cars, jewelry, vacations, nice dinners, all that shit. But most likely, at least two of the factors were that he didn't understand how to quell her emotions when he upset her, and he didn't know how to separate his daily stress from her. He walked in in a shit mood, and all she saw was a shit mood. And then he tried to use logic to apologize. She saw that as a reflection of how he feels towards her. Now, does it make sense? Of course not. Not to us guys, at least. It's really hard for the masculine to understand what that feels like. But all it takes is just a little bit of engaging her emotions. No matter how you feel, no matter what happened, you can't close off to your woman. Alright, next point. Nonverbal communication. Guys, we need to be aware of what her nonverbal communication is telling us. Remember, studies show that the feminine tends to be more emotionally expressive than the masculine. And that expression isn't just verbal, it's also in her nonverbal calms as well. And there are many different levels to this. On the surface, what is her facial expression telling you? Is she frowning or does she have a slight smile on? Is she stomping around or is she walking with grace and levity? What is she doing? Is she organizing something and just being aggressive and kind of throwing things around? When you tell her something, is she attentive or dismissive? Is she being short with you? How about this one? Does she still look at you the same way she did when you guys first started dating? And this leads us into a deeper dive. What is she doing in her day-to-day? Is she putting effort into being beautiful? Or is she skipping the makeup and going out wearing something less flattering than she used to wear? What about her health? Is she eating more junk food? Is she drinking more? Not working out anymore? Is she watching TV more? Is she putting less effort into doing extra things for you like she used to? This is something that we commonly think is just what, quote, settling down looks like. Our society thinks that the husband and wife gaining weight, putting less effort into looking hot, things getting more or less dull in their relationship is normal. But this is actually a frequently overlooked factor in a dying relationship. Basically, a garden that doesn't get water that often or have the weeds pulled regularly. Same concept. Remember from last week we talked about the feminine responding to the masculine. If you are staying in the gym, focusing the family meals on healthy food, being attentive to her, being her mountain, very often she will reciprocate and stay feminine and sexy. Have you ever seen a couple where the two of them look like they have a great relationship and they're both really healthy? Yeah. The thing is with us guys is that we see her gaining weight and looking less sexy, and we think, I don't know what happened, she just got lazy or something, as we sip on a beer and then rest the beer on our beer gut. My point here is that the long-term nonverbal communication from her will tell you a lot about how she feels about you. And this is really tricky simply because this is a slow decline that is not noticeable. And down that road, she may say that she still loves you the same, but if she did, wouldn't she be putting in the same effort to keep herself healthy, looking sexy with good energy like she did before? This usually means her attraction for you is starting to decline. The first thing you should do when you notice things getting dull or when you notice her changing like this is to look in the mirror and check yourself. 99% of the time, she will not straight up tell you that she is losing attraction for you. It's the nonverbal behavior of her long-term habits that will tell you everything you need to know. If you notice this change, this is when you can figure out what you can do to step your game back up. She should respond in kind. The solution to this, guys, is to get back into your masculinity. Remember, the more masculine you are, the more feminine she will be. And this is a huge factor in keeping your relationship happy, fun, and exciting for a long time. So you can practice this in your next relationship. Pay close attention to her nonverbals. If things start to skew one way or the other slightly, you know that you'll have to readjust accordingly. And if you catch those early, it's gonna save you so much fucking headache down the road. Pay attention to her nonverbal communication, it will tell you a lot. Alright, last point of today. What about when she's being negative with you? What if she says something like, You're an asshole, you're a terrible husband, you're a dick, I hate you, anything like that. Well, first, we can't be escalating with her. So I hope you stand your ground and not let her energy affect you, or at least try to as much as you can. Next, whatever she says, I don't care what it is. She's only saying that because she's mad. Now, I'm not saying that we should just bend over and let her berate us. We're gonna cover how to set that boundary here in a sec. When she is saying shit like that to you, remember, it is only a reflection of how she is feeling in that moment. The insults are just coming from her overly expressive negative emotions. Because she wouldn't have even dated you if being a dick or an asshole was just who you were, or if she hated you. Don't take it personally. It's just how she's feeling in that moment. Just let her say whatever it is and walk away if you feel it's necessary. Once the fight is over, you guys will talk it out. And if she does not apologize, you have to bring it up. You need to let her know, in a loving way, of course, that calling you those names or whatever is not okay. You don't necessarily have to bring up how it made you feel or anything like that. You just have to let her know that you didn't like it. But before you do any of that, you need to make sure you address how you made her feel, again, even if you think it's just completely ridiculous. But why am I saying this? Weren't we talking about her saying something to you? Yes, we are. But always, first seek to understand, then to be understood. Don't wait for her to apologize first. Tell your pride and your ego to sit the fuck down. Because if she is still mad at you for whatever innocuous reason, guess what? She won't apologize. No matter how bad she fucked up, her emotions will still be chaotic like this until you help her simmer down. Quell her emotions first and then tell her how what she said affected you and that you don't like it or won't tolerate it, whatever you feel is necessary. This is also part of being the rock as the masculine. We help her stabilize by being stable ourselves. The masculine, of course, is never afraid to admit when he is wrong. That will, or rather, should calm her down so that you can address the things that she said. Speaking of how she, quote, should be responding to you doing anything and everything in this episode, check it out. If you are persuading her with emotional emphasis, making her feel important and loved, and resolving conflicts by recognizing how you made her feel, there is no 100% guarantee it will elicit a good response from her. Even for the long-term nonverbal comms we touched on. Guys, if you're consistently and accurately applying the concepts in this episode with a chick who doesn't respond well to them, honestly, that's a relationship you should think twice about staying in. In this case, it's not you, it's her. Now, is it a deal breaker? That's for you to decide. But some people are just shitty communicators. Maybe they have unresolved trauma where the littlest thing can make them overreact or ghost you or close off cold shoulder, or you get a bunch of attitude out of nowhere, any of that shit. And personally, I've been with that type before, and it's never worth it. You'll wind up wasting so much time and energy trying to quote fix her or pick up the pieces of her mess. Just don't fucking do it. It's not your job to fix her. You deserve someone who is a good communicator and wants to keep the relationship healthy just as you do. And of course, no one is perfect, but we are adults. We talk and apologize and work things out. So I'd caution against being with a chick who doesn't respond well to you being the masculine, being her rock and quelling her emotions like a truly feminine woman would want. Now, with that being said, regarding that last point about seeking to understand her and then to be understood yourself, if you set a reasonable boundary with her, most women will respect it. They might get a little upset or scared of you leaving them at first, but they will settle back down and appreciate you standing your ground as the man. But if you get a woman who loses her goddamn mind and basically tells you to fuck off with your boundaries, fucking leave right away. I don't care how hot she is. If you acquiesce and let her just shit all over your boundaries, she will start taking advantage of everything else. Ask me how I know. I'm sure there are plenty of you who have experienced this. In fact, let me know in the comments. Was there ever a time where you cut it off after she disrespected your clearly defined boundaries? What did you learn from that experience? All right, guys, we're wrapping up here. The best thing I can say is that we have to be taking care of the feminine's emotions. It's not a huge commitment, but it's the little moments that seem like mere seconds to us guys, but go miles with her. We don't experience the big swing of emotions that she does, but all it takes is being aware of how she's feeling in a given moment. If she's not saying anything and you're not sure, just ask. Ask her how her day is going, what she's thinking about, how she's feeling. Once you start applying this concept, this role of being the rock for her emotions is gonna start to click. Just like last week's episode, you already have these masculine qualities inside of you. You just have to keep learning and start applying these concepts when you're ready to start dating again. And if you're not ready yet, that's totally fine. Just be ready to start noticing these dynamics in your day-to-day. And soon you'll understand how some relationships just seem to get better and better with each passing day. And yes, if you keep marching down this road, you will find yourself with a beautiful feminine woman who adores you and misses you every time you walk out of the door. Alright, that's it for today's episode, boys. We have one more episode in this three-part series next week, and we're going to be talking about your masculine behavior that makes her wet. Stay tuned, and I will see you then. And thanks again, boys, for being with me today. My mission this week is to fix this audio issue, and I might be changing my episode publish date or time. I've been working my day job a ton and I need to do something about these late episodes. I want to stay consistent for you guys. But for right now, 6 p.m. Pacific time as usual, next Saturday. Join me and learn what subtle masculine behaviors turn her on. See you then. Thank you for joining me in another badass episode, brother. If you want to accelerate into this new chapter in your life and get a boost into your badass journey, sign up for a free 45-minute consultation for post breakup or divorce coaching. All the info is in the episode description. Also, please remember to like and comment. And if you know anyone who could use this info in their badass journey, please share this episode with them. None of this will be possible without you guys, so thank you again, and I will see you in the next episode.