5 Unspoken Truths About Your Badass Comeback | 17

You’ve been told the comeback is just about going to the gym, making money, and “getting over it.”

But there’s deeper truth most men never hear.

In this episode, I reveal 5 Unspoken Truths About Your Badass Comeback — the real mindset shifts that separate men who stay broken from men who become unstoppable.

You’ll discover:

• How to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset (and why this changes everything)
  
  
• How to destroy the fear of failure that’s been holding you back
  
  
• Why real peace doesn’t come from avoiding pain, but from learning how to move through it
  
  
• How to start seeing new goals and possibilities again after feeling completely lost
  
  
• Healthy, masculine ways to push through the hard times without numbing out or quitting
  
  

These truths will help you stop surviving and start building a life you’re actually proud of. You’ll feel more at peace, more clear-headed, and more motivated than you have since before the breakup.

This isn’t motivation.
It’s transformation.

If you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels and start your real comeback, this episode will show you the way.

The pain already happened.  
Now it’s time to turn it into power.

Let’s build your badass comeback! 

#MindsetShift #GrowthMindset #BreakupRecovery #DivorceRecovery #MensMentalHealth #OvercomingFear #PersonalGrowth #PostBreakupHealing #BadassComeback #PodcastForMen

Hosted by Chris Ryan - Professional Life Coach | B.A. Psychology

Breakup and divorce recovery coaching for men

For coaching inquiries and general questions, email: coachchrisryan@gmail.com

*The BCP is 100% self-funded and does not run ads.

Keywords: breakup recovery for men, divorce recovery for men, rebuilding identity after breakup, masculine qualities after divorce, feeling incomplete after breakup, reclaiming masculinity post-breakup, life after divorce for men, men's self-improvement after breakup, healing from heartbreak men, post-breakup identity crisis men, divorced men recovery, broken up men healing, men's mental health after relationship ends.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

All right, boys, welcome back to the BCP. In today's episode, we're going to shine some light on five unspoken truths that you will experience once you get far enough down this road of your own badass comeback. I think since we do cover a lot of the how-to, today is going to be a little more of the why. Because the main question is why rebuild after a breakup or divorce in this way? What's the point of putting in all this effort, powering through the initial stages sober, getting healthy, setting goals and action steps, and what do the rewards even look like? This episode is also going to give you a way better idea of what a badass comeback actually looks like and why we choose to rebuild in this badass way. Hence the purpose of this podcast altogether. So before we dive into our list, we got to touch on the concept of this whole taking advantage of getting dumped by tearing down and rebuilding once she's gone. On the surface, you now have more free time and you have more freedom. You can write this chapter any way that you want, but why start now? Why not wait till things are a little bit better? Maybe you got to figure out some money things, maybe you have to find a new place to live, maybe you're just writing it out and waiting for enough quote time to pass. The reason we start now is because when everything around you is broken, torn down, and rotting, the best thing you can do is start all the way over. Believe it or not, it's a lot easier than trying to make this drastic change in life direction when everything is going well, where there's really no reason to do it. After the average person gets dumped, they'll maybe patch up a couple of things here and there in their life and they can make it look nice on the outside, but the foundation on the inside is going to be the same as before, only strong enough to hold up a certain amount of greatness. If you want to build a wider and taller skyscraper, you need to tear everything down, even from way below the earth, and drive that new reinforced foundation as deep as possible. Now, does this mean that you have to drop everything, move really far away, and change your name? No. All it is, it's mindset optimization and action steps towards bigger and bigger goals. There's also a massive psychological shift that happens that is going to take you to these new heights. Actually, there are a lot of them, and we are covering five today. So, with that concept in mind as our foundation, let's start building this episode with the first unspoken truth about the badass comeback. Mind expansion and seeing things more logically. You might be struggling through your day, trying not to think about her, trying to do your job effectively, but you're also holding yourself to a schedule of taking care of your body, making healthy meals, and socializing even when you don't want to. And when you're doing that, you are doing your future self wonders. Because right now, you're probably still really deep in your feels about the breakup. But your brain is fighting you. You want to stick to your schedule. Your brain wants you to stay emotionally wrapped up in the whole mess. You want to push towards the future. Your brain wants to keep living in the past. When you are fighting this force and you're pushing back against the urge to procrastinate, skip leg day, or numb yourself with something unhealthy, you're telling your brain who's boss. You're using your logical brain to push against your emotional brain. You're putting your head down and just doing the workouts, the healthy meals, and the socializing, despite how you feel. You're basically training your logical brain to work twice as hard to keep you on track. And when this happens, same concept as adding extra weights, you get even stronger. This means your logical brain is getting twice as strong. Not only does it strip your emotional brain of power, it makes it so your logical brain will be dominant from here on out. So when something shitty happens in your future, your logical brain is going to take over and say, oh yes, this is a problem. Here is the solution. Instead of your emotional brain having a meltdown and not really doing anything to fix the problem. It's kind of like when we were kids. If we broke our favorite toy or something, maybe we cried over it and got upset. But then we learned that we can either fix the toy or eventually get a better one. That's a classic example of this logical versus emotional brain battle. For your future, there are no guarantees that life is going to be all roses and dandelions after you rebuild. But when something shitty happens, you're going to go right to the solution for it. If you lose your job, you'll automatically hop into find a new job mode instead of staying stuck in the emotions of it all. If you lose a loved one, most likely you are going to be the rock for the family. And if it's another breakup, you're already going to know exactly what to do to rebuild quickly. But since you're listening to this podcast, the likelihood of you finding a woman who will never leave your side is pretty high. So be warned. This is ultra strength training for your mind. And guys, that feeling of something bad happening and you just taking it on the chin and fixing it quickly is powerful as fuck. Now, mind expansion, or more specifically, growth mindset. As we talked about last week, most people just let the emotions of the breakup influence what they do. They numb themselves, they isolate, and they just look for the unhealthy comfort food, alcohol, other activities, etc. Many people think that this is the only program to run when a breakup happens, but they would be dead wrong. Obviously, this podcast helps you to break out of that box and forge your own path. You are going to be an uncharted territory in some ways, aside from the roadmaps I lay out for you. There may be points when you're thinking, what the fuck am I even doing this for? What is the point of all this? My life sucks right now. I just want a hot shower and fast food. What you're doing right now, boys, is learning the way of the badass. The badass racks his brain for a solution to his problem, no matter what old programming or societal norms exist. It's kind of like learning math in school. When you're learning addition, multiplication looks like rocket science. And then you learn multiplication. Now you can think of things in a different way. The way you see the world changes a bit. You can add shit faster using the shortcut of multiplication. Your mind expands. Learning how to rebuild your life like we're doing makes you look at your entire life with a bigger perspective. You'll start thinking less of if only and more in terms of what if, and finally, how do I? Client I worked with a while back was struggling getting used to his new living space. He had moved into an apartment after his divorce and was just stuck there, or so he thought. The houses he wanted were out of his price range, especially now that he was a sole income household. So I asked him, What are you going to lose if you stay in that apartment? And he thought for a minute and then he said, you know, a cool place for my kids to come over and hang out. We ended our session with him coming up with his own goal of creating extra income for himself. He started doing a bunch of side work with all the new time he had, and much to his surprise, his good friends heard about this and started hiring him for little projects here and there just to help him out. Now, some of them didn't really need those jobs done, but they admired him grinding while dealing with a bad divorce and reconciling with some of his past mistakes. And as much as he was surprised by this, I was not. This is one of the hidden benefits that would actually fit into today's list. Your good friends and family will help you when you're rebuilding. Now they won't want to carry you if you're just sitting on the couch. But if you are grinding, they will see an offer to help you along the way. Anyway, two years later, my client bought a decent sized house, did some remodeling himself, and his kids are always stuck to go over and spend time with him now. If he had stayed in that fixed mindset, he would have stayed in that apartment because remember, he said he felt stuck. So, boys, get ready to discard those old fixed mindsets you may have. A growth mindset, or basically just expanding your mind in general, will help you achieve things you thought were impossible to have. And you couple that with a strong logical brain, and there's pretty much nothing that can stop you. You won't even give your emotional brain a chance to make you feel stuck. And this actually sort of leads us into unspoken truth number two, more inner peace. Have you ever felt that exhaustion after exercising, the kind where that shower feels amazing, laying on the couch afterwards feels amazing, and you basically go right to sleep later that night? Think of that, but on a much grander scale. Because think of it, you're putting in tons of hard work right now. You're trudging through unknown territory. There's a new schedule, new habits, a shift in your social life. All of that on top of the psychological effects of rebuilding this way. A lot of good things happening, but a lot of challenges as well. And it's not easy. This whole time your brain is fighting you. You're basically at war with yourself. When you emerge, you are gonna find yourself less stressed, less easily irritated, more relaxed, smiling and laughing more, focusing on the positive, more gratitude, looking younger, standing up taller. The list goes on. No matter how stressful life gets, you're gonna know exactly what to do. And if it gets overwhelming, you might get a little flustered or worried, but it doesn't last long. You're gonna be seeing the best in people. And yes, you're gonna be seeing the best in yourself. Side note, you're already enough. Being at peace like this also means that you're gonna be okay with your flaws. I think this is a huge hurdle for most of us guys. A lot of us are bred for high expectations. Work hard, provide, suffer alone, and take responsibility for our mistakes. As a result, we fuck something up and can beat ourselves up over it. We may look in the mirror and say, man, if only I didn't have this physical attribute, maybe I'd be more attractive. When you rebuild in a badass way, you won't have those thoughts polluting your mind. You'll see it less emotionally and more, you guessed it, logically. I can talk into this mic right now and tell you guys that speech has always been a challenge for me. I actually secretly hate public speaking. I've also had to work through speech impediments when I was younger. And even in this podcast, my stutter pops up sometimes if I forget to edit it out. But I am okay with it. And you're gonna have this realization about some major flaw about yourself very soon. You're gonna hit this point where you think, yeah, this is a weakness of mine, and you're not really gonna feel anything about it. It's just gonna be a statement of fact. You're gonna realize that it's not worth getting upset over these things, especially things that you can't control. And this is also basically you ascending from the fog of self-doubt and cynicism. Some things just aren't worth getting upset over. When you get upset, you use up a lot of energy. You only have so much energy for the day. Why waste it on something that isn't helping you move forward? Inner peace also comes with not tolerating bullshit anymore, and this one may hit you by surprise. I'm gonna be real, a lot of the shit that you used to tolerate in the past will become a deal breaker for you now. If a new girlfriend cheats on you, nice to know you. Your boss is yelling at you, time for a talk in private and possibly a new job. Your boundaries will become way tighter. And this isn't you just running away at the drop of a hat the instant someone does something not to your liking. There will still be things that you tolerate, but you're gonna know how to set those boundaries. Inner peace also comes with protecting it. And I can make an entire episode about inner peace, but we have to move on. So let's do it. Number three, the fog will lift. Not only the fog of the breakup, but the fog of life, I guess you can call it. I think a lot of people can only see like 10 feet in front of them. They see an ad for a new job and think, oh, that looks interesting, I think I'll apply. Or there's someone in their social circle who likes them and they think, oh, cool, someone who likes me, I think I'll get exclusive with them. And then they see the mansions, the cars, the vacations, and they think, oh, if only I can't afford that lifestyle on my salary, I guess that's out of the cards for me. The truth is, there is more life beyond the fog. A lot more. And when you reach that point, it's probably gonna be a little bit overwhelming. It's gonna be a little bit of sensory overload, but you're gonna get used to it and become stoked at all the choices that you can now see right in front of you. Now, I'm not saying that people are just gonna come out of the woodwork and start handing you all sorts of cool things and opportunities, obviously, no. But you might look at your current job that you're content with and think that there's more out there for you. So while you're still employed, you go to the drawing board and dig deep to find a better company or better industry. Instead of just waiting for positions to open up, you might find yourself walking into said company and eventually talking to someone who can at least meet you and hang on to your resume until a position opens up. You might have to start small. You may have to jump some lily pads and it might take a few years, but if you keep that goal at the forefront, there's no way that you won't make it. If the bougie lifestyle is your next goal, you're gonna start thinking of how you can make enough to get there. It's basically planning your life backwards. Okay, I'm gonna need to make $175,000 a year. I currently make $70,000. How can I get that extra $100K? Same concept goes for dating. Instead of picking the first goal you meet who likes you more than a friend, you'll be designing your ideal woman on paper with that list we talked about in episode four. That makes it 10 times easier to meet the woman who's actually going to fit into the rest of your life. You may even start a podcast helping people through hard times you've been through and conquered. I think you get the point. The truth is, as fucked up as this world is, there is so much opportunity to succeed all around you, despite what the internet and news tells you. When that fog lifts, you will start seeing those opportunities. And you couple that with what we talked about in number one, the evolution of if only to what if, and finally, how can I? And you have a recipe for achievement. In fact, you're gonna be thinking, if only I had decided to do this sooner. But you have to protect those plans, be very selective of who you tell. Most people are gonna tell you, yeah, that's not possible, or you don't make enough, or you don't have the experience, you're at a disadvantage because of your gender or your race or any other kind of fixed mindset bullshit like that. You might be surprised that your friends and family are some of those people telling you this shit. Now, are they bad people that are trying to sabotage your dreams? No, they just don't have a growth mindset and can only see 10 feet in front of them. And it's not their fault. This is just societal programming. But you are learning the ways of the badass. And part of that is breaking through fixed mindset programming. All right, number four, you won't cling to superficial pleasures to escape pain. No matter how badass you become, life will still throw you shit every once in a while. There's no escaping it. The mindset you will start to develop is one that looks like this. Well, bad things are going to happen to me that I can't control. The best thing I can do is be prepared. And that preparation doesn't look like just sitting around being worried all the time or avoiding anything remotely challenging. That preparation is having healthy things to turn to when you are being affected by shitty things that happen, if you're being affected by them at all. Last week we talked about trudging through the initial stage of post-breakup sober. And we talked about how challenging it is. Your brain is going to be urging you to cling to those superficial, pleasure-seeking, numbing agents. The people around you, even the good ones, might encourage you to have a drink or something just to take the edge off, because that's how they deal with things that they can't handle. When you resist the temptation to numb a horrible pain, the pain of rejection, of course, you are training your brain to detach from those artificial things. But the formula is still at play. You are suffering. You want to feel better. So you do things to help you feel better. The things you do will not only be wholesome, they will make you twice as strong once you emerge. Eating healthy helps balance out our brain chemicals, regular exercise, especially lifting weights, gives us surges of testosterone, energy, and dopamine. Reading, learning, and creativity, even doing our favorite hobbies helps keep our brains actively engaged in something useful to us. And I guess we can call this the trifecta of recovery, nutrition, health, and education/slash engaging activities. In fact, all three of those have been shown to help keep human beings in general away from depression and anxiety. And there are tons of studies backing up this claim, with the most striking one I found showing 70% reduction in depression from just regular, moderate exercise. I can only imagine how quickly those people bounce back once something bad happens. What this means is that you will not only have this initial wall protecting you, if that wall gets damaged, you will already have a solid foundation to rebuild. Guys, you have no idea how much your life will change for the better when you have all the confidence in the world that no matter what happens, you will pull out of it quickly and move on. Regardless, if it's another breakup or someone close to you passes away and you get fired all in the same day. And honestly, it's impossible to have that confidence if your way of feeling better is turning to superficial numbing agents. But having your healthy things to turn to actually does something. It helps you rebuild faster, stronger, and smarter. All right, let's finish things off with number five. You won't fear the things that you used to fear, but you will start fearing the one thing you never really thought about. Long story short, you're not going to fear another breakup ever again. You're not going to fear getting fired or losing an argument or getting reprimanded, facing backlash for speaking your mind, not having enough, whatever. These are things society programs us to fear. It's probably what our parents feared, our teachers, our friends, etc. But here's the truth, boys. There is no law that requires you to live in fear of these things. And there is no punishment for refusing to be scared of things you can fix. Nothing is holding you back from choosing what you are afraid of. The one thing holding a human being back from achieving the life they want is their own fear. And no, it's not their fucking skin color, their upbringing, their socioeconomic status, or any kind of external bullshit factor like that. Because if that were true, then we wouldn't have these rags to riches stories. Here are some of those rags to riches people. I'm sure a couple of them are going to surprise you. Are you ready? Jim Carrey, Stephen King, Andrew Carnegie, J.K. Rowling. How about this one? Cristiano Ronaldo. Oh yeah. Simone Biles, Eminem, Manny Pacquiao. The list goes on. Your success is not determined by these external factors unless you allow it to determine who you are and what you're capable of. And honestly, there are tons of dark forces all around us who are trying to spread that message like a cancer. The best thing you can do is turn off the TV or unfollow those bad influences. Rid yourself of those who encourage that fixed mindset. The only thing that is a 100% guarantee to fuck up your future is your fear. When you're marching down your badass path, you are going to realize this. You may have a few moments where you're kicking yourself for not adopting this mindset sooner. I have many freaking times. But once you push through that by forgiving yourself for not knowing any better, you're going to realize the only thing that you should truly fear is the only thing worth avoiding. And it is a failure to execute. If you try anything, you are going to fail periodically. Everyone does. It's part of the process. But we learn and rebuild better than before. Failure is a learning opportunity. It is your greatest teacher. Yes, at first it sucks. Oh well, tough shit. You can train your brain to see it as a schematic that reveals a flaw that you can fix. If you don't try, well, you're gonna look back when you're way older and regret it. That is a fear worth using as motivation to push through the shit parts of building a life worth living. And that's all I have to say about that. Guys, life is how you see it. You can choose to be cynical, pessimistic, and encourage others to be as miracle. Miserable as you are. Or you can choose to see the good in people, be optimistic, and give your positive energy away freely without asking for anything in return. You can lend a helping hand while cutting out people who aren't good for you. You can be strong and act with kindness. You can be peaceful with the full capability of being dangerous. This is the pinnacle of being a man. This is what it really means to be alive as a man. We are badass. We rebuild after complete destruction better than before. We lift others up and teach them our ways. And we always stay true to what we know is right, no matter the backlash that comes with it. And as far as the woman in our life, we choose her, knowing that as long as she stays true, we will give her the experience of a lifetime being with a strong man who will protect her physically, emotionally, spiritually, being her rock, a guy who makes her laugh and gives her butterflies every single day, a man she is proud to walk beside. And if for some reason she decides that she doesn't want that anymore, her loss. This is the mindset of a badass. Keep going, boys. No matter how shitty life gets, I have full confidence in you that you will bounce back faster, stronger, and smarter than ever before. And honestly, I am stoked for you. I am stoked for all of you guys to feel that energy. That bright, strong, calm, firing on all cylinders feeling is way closer than you think. Guys, if anything in this episode resonates, say it in the comments. And if you're already experiencing any of these unspoken truths, let us know. Because the truth is, it's not just enough to have me, one dude, talking about this shit. We are stronger together. And who knows? There are probably thousands of guys out there who are going to read your comment and get that extra motivation to keep going. This is how we give the world the badass comeback it so desperately needs. Alright, I'm leaving you guys with a quote from Manny Pacquiao. Quote, Life is meant to be a challenge because challenges make you grow. See you guys next week. Thank you for joining me in another badass episode, brother. If you want to accelerate into this new chapter in your life and get a boost into your badass journey, sign up for a free 45-minute consultation for post breakup or divorce coaching. All the info is in the episode description. Also, please remember to like and comment. And if you know anyone who could use this info in their badass journey, please share this episode with them. None of this will be possible without you guys, so thank you again, and I will see you in the next episode.