What Will Your Badass Comeback ACTUALLY Look Like? | 20

What will your life actually look like on the other side of this pain? Most men going through a breakup or divorce can’t see past the immediate hurt. They have no clear vision of what their comeback could really look like. In this powerful episode of The Badass Comeback, I paint a detailed picture of what your badass comeback will look like — not just in the first 30 days, but as a lifelong journey.  You’ll get a clear breakdown of:

• The key mindset shifts you’ll need to make
  
  
• The specific actions and habits that create real, lasting change
  
  
• The rewards and transformation you can expect — mentally, emotionally, physically, and in your relationships
  
  

This episode is designed to give you something most men never get during heartbreak: a compelling vision of the stronger, calmer, more confident, and purposeful man you can become. When you have this vision, the daily grind becomes meaningful. The hard days feel worth it. And you stop just trying to “get over her” — you start building a life that makes the breakup one of the best things that ever happened to you. If you’re ready to stop surviving and start seeing a future you’re actually excited about, this episode will light the path. 

The pain is real.

But so is the man you’re capable of becoming.  Let’s paint the picture — then go build it. 

#BadassComeback #BreakupRecovery #DivorceRecovery #MensMentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #MindsetShift #RebuildYourLife #PostBreakupGrowth #PodcastForMen

Hosted by Chris Ryan - Professional Life Coach | B.A. Psychology

Breakup and divorce recovery coaching for men

For coaching inquiries and general questions, email: coachchrisryan@gmail.com

*The BCP is 100% self-funded and does not run ads.

Keywords: breakup recovery for men, divorce recovery for men, rebuilding identity after breakup, masculine qualities after divorce, feeling incomplete after breakup, reclaiming masculinity post-breakup, life after divorce for men, men's self-improvement after breakup, healing from heartbreak men, post-breakup identity crisis men, divorced men recovery, broken up men healing, men's mental health after relationship ends.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome back, boys. Today is going to be a little different. We're going to dive into what a badass comeback actually looks like. You know, we talk a lot about what it takes to start walking down this road in terms of mindset shifts, action steps, and goals, but I also want to put out episodes that are going to help you guys paint your own picture of your badass comeback. Because envisioning the goal will allow you to focus your choices and speed up the process. So put the pen and paper down for this one, sit back and be present with me in today's episode. Welcome to your badass comeback. So I want to start with a general explanation. A badass comeback is a transformation. It's you realizing that your old ways weren't working, so you decide to tear down parts of your life and yourself that no longer suit you and start building the life that you actually want. And yes, of course, building yourself into a badass. A badass is someone who is highly skilled, superbly confident, tough, uncompromising in their self-expectations, and unfazed by high pressure situations. How does one become badass? Well, in some cases, there are people who are raised to be that way. But aside from those few, this sort of transformation doesn't really happen with people who are living a comfortable life. And usually the catalyst is some sort of horrible life event that is either caused by you or something outside of your control, like your partner deciding to leave. You don't exactly have to hit rock bottom to decide it's time for a comeback, but it has to be some kind of low point. And rock bottom, I believe, is the toughest place for any human being to be in. Because you have three options and they all suck. And I'm speaking from experience, having been there myself a couple of different times, both because of horrible breakups. Option one, you stay there and numb yourself to forget that you're there, which is going to plunge you into an even deeper hole. Option two is the easy way out. And that, unfortunately, is a final choice that is made by 50,000 men per year in the United States alone after a bad divorce. Option three is what this podcast is all about picking yourself up, getting rid of the rot, and rebuilding yourself way better than you ever were before. And yes, this option three also sucks at first because it's way more difficult than options one and two on the front end. But obviously the rewards for that effort are 100% worth it. Because if they weren't, I wouldn't be sitting here about to tell you what they are. It's important to remember that two things can be true at once. A bad breakup or divorce absolutely sucks. But it is also a time for reflection. It's normal to ruminate on things that our partner did wrong, things that we did wrong, what could have been if those things didn't go wrong, if there's a chance they could still be fixed, all sorts of things like that. We may also realize things that we were doing wrong that we were blind to during the relationship because hindsight, being 2020, of course, is at play here as well. Red flags that we missed or ignored, our own poor behavior that we didn't think was a big deal, things like that. And somewhere in that stage, you're gonna come to a fork in the road. You will either choose to be a victim or make a comeback using the breakup or divorce to your advantage. And I mean, let's be real, it's really easy to label yourself as the victim. Maybe she cheated on you. Maybe you got sick of her toxic personality and left only for her to slander your name and screw up your life. Maybe she is the one who stopped putting effort into keeping their relationship fun and exciting and still blamed everything on you. So yeah, you may have fallen victim to those things, but you don't have to let it define you, and you don't have to use that as an excuse to remain where you are. In fact, you shouldn't. But if you're listening to this, I already know that you don't want that victim to be a part of who you are. The truth is, if you got your heart smashed, that's basically her saying, yeah, you're not worth it, you're not man enough, and the sacrifices you made for us mean nothing now. And you can either let that defeat you or you can say to hell with what she thinks and go all in on doing whatever it takes to build yourself into a badass mother trucker. Now I have to be clear, a lot of guys go through a short phase of revenge rebuilding because they think, yeah, I'll show her. She's gonna regret leaving me, she's gonna come crawling back, but I'm already gonna have a new stunner under my arm, and then she's gonna be hurt just like I am now. And no shame to any of you who have thought that. A lot of us guys try to revenge our way into a comeback, and I'm a classic example of this. So trust me in saying it is not sustainable because you're eventually gonna get over her, and all that revenge motivation is gonna wither away, and then you're gonna fall back into old habits and keep dating the same types of women. Your badass comeback guarantees that will not happen. You are here to rebuild your life ten times better than before and subsequently push her out of your mind with the steps and methods laid out for you in this podcast. If you want to do this the right way, you have to be willing to separate your negative feelings about her from what you actually want for yourself. Because guess what? The man you build yourself into will be with you for the rest of your life. She is not in your life anymore. Hell, I mean, even the next chick you date might not be with you forever. In the end, you will only have you. The only person you should be doing this for is yourself. And I know some of you are thinking, yeah, but that's not as sweet as revenge. But that's only because revenge is tangible. The badass rewards in your future are not. Not yet, at least. So, yes, in essence, this is a leap of faith because you're trusting me and yourself that you're gonna put in all this work and eventually get to a place where everything seemingly unattainable in your life starts to unlock. But then again, it's not actually a leap of faith, it's a leap of diligence and consistency. And anyone listening to this has the capacity to get results from what I teach here. It requires no money, only your time. And it's as much time as you can allow, but in more time, get results faster. And it may be a slow grind for you dads out there raising your kids on your own and working two jobs, but that still means that in a year or maybe two, you're already going to be above your baseline from before your relationship began. And we're gonna cover what that baseline means here in a bit. When you make that first decision to start paving your badass path, you need to answer these three questions. What do I want my life to look like? What type of man do I want to become? And how do I want to positively impact my world around me? And right now, they may be hard to answer, and that is okay. All you have to do is implement methods to shift your mind from ruminating on your previous relationship to focusing on rebuilding. This podcast is obviously a great place to start. I've already published episodes you can learn from to get you moving away from thoughts of her, and I'm going to be making a lot more. The truth is though, you don't have to wait for her to become a distant memory to be ready for a comeback. Everything I teach is engineered to shift your thinking. You may still be depressed and obsessed, but just working these solutions despite how you feel will kick start that letting go process. I also highly recommend seeking out more information elsewhere. The more resources you can pull from to help you along your journey, the better. Figure out what works for you and give it 100% of your diligence and consistency. Now, fair warning: your badass comeback is not going to be easy, regardless of how much you decide to take on at a time. It takes work. Thus, there will be times when you get the urge to procrastinate. You're going to be implementing mindsets and strategies that you never have before. Thus, there will be times when you get uncomfortable. And as I've mentioned, you won't see the payoff right away. There will be times when you're questioning why you're even doing this. But all you gotta do is stay in the game. Nothing worth having comes easy. Now, if this seems overwhelming, it's important to remember that your badass journey is going to last for the rest of your life. And you can go at any pace you want. Some of you guys are already super busy. On the other hand, some of you have more time than you know what to do with. Go at a pace that makes sense for you. But just remember, if you take on too much too fast, you're going to get overwhelmed and possibly give up. My advice is to start small and ramp up from there. If you do find yourself overwhelmed, you can always dial it back. There's no shame in that. This isn't training for a new job or studying for a final exam. This is something you're going to be working on your whole life. And it's one where you get to choose how fast you elevate. All right, so let's get to the meat and potatoes. What are the rewards? And what is the quote baseline I mentioned a couple of minutes ago? Rewards first. Unshakable confidence, resilience, strength in mind, body, and soul, clearly defined life direction, clearly defined goals, and a relentless drive to achieve them. Those are badass mindsets you will adopt and live. The tangible rewards come from those mindsets. When you start applying the concepts I lay out for you in this podcast, you will start improving all of those all at once. Granted, it will be slow going at first. These things aren't going to transform you overnight, but all you have to do is just take it day by day, action by action. Those mindsets are going to start to show themselves to you and how you see yourself in that mirror. But you need to be ready because they will bring you tangible rewards, and some of them are probably going to hit you by surprise. So let's break down the effects of each one of those mindsets from above. Unshakable confidence. You will have less fear, less worry in general, boldly stepping into situations or activities that used to scare you, taking greater calculated risks, immediately finding a solution when life throws you shit instead of being consumed by the emotions of it all. You will start having fewer bad days. You'll be feeling way too good to let one little thing ruin your day. You will start attracting the right people. Start setting firmer boundaries and standards for yourself. People will start naturally showing you respect and being attentive to you from the moment you walk into a room. People will look up to you, ask you for advice, direction, support. They won't interrupt you when you're talking, and they'll look to you when things get chaotic because you're going to be the common rational one in crazy situations. Unshakable confidence also brings the secondary reward of becoming internally validated. This means that instead of turning to things outside of yourself to make you happy, you'll be creating your own happiness by proudly walking your badass path. And whatever field you want to become highly skilled in, you will have the confidence to master that craft. Rewards for the next mindset, resilience. When you start this journey, you're going to encounter obstacles you've never seen before. You're going to hit new setbacks. People are going to try to slow you down, put you down, or sabotage your mission. You will fail at times, sometimes pretty hard. But no matter what, and I mean no matter what, you will get back up, dust yourself off, and keep going. Kind of like a boxer who gets hit in the face 20 times and then knocked down, but then he makes a comeback and wins the match. Perfect metaphor. And the things that used to knock you down before aren't going to keep you down as much as they used to. And this is going to be a big shock. A good example of this is when I got dumped over text when I was just beginning my own badass journey. And yeah, I cried for like 20 minutes. However, after a quick calibration, I used to get over these horrible feelings. You can refer to episode one for that one. I went straight to the gym and did a really intense workout. I came back home feeling worn out but also powerful. And yeah, I still missed her, but I didn't have any tears. And I had no desire to drink alcohol or party snum myself like I did in the past. I just hung out with my roommates and then later just went to sleep. The next morning at work, though, I instinctively pulled out my phone to text her like I usually did. I was about to start typing when I saw the breakup convo and I froze. I thought, oh shit, this is actually over. And I kind of had this feeling that it was wrong of me to not be grieving and sad, but then I realized, oh yeah, this is just resilience paying off. Later that weekend, my friends actually said, Dang, dude, you bounce back from that pretty quickly. Good stuff. Guys, you will be surprised how fast your resilience bounces you back from shitty things that are out of your control. All right, next one strength in mind. You'll be learning not just from me, but from badasses around the world. There's tons of books out there, YouTube channels, articles, etc. There are so many good methods out there to implement and create your own version of. And this is also mind expansion. When you start clearly defining your vision, it's going to take a lot more than just listening to me to get there. Branch out and learn from other people who are experts in that area. The best part that will hit you by surprise will be what I call the competence mindset shift. This is where you go from if only to what if? And then finally, how do I? Because guess what? Do you think becoming a millionaire isn't in the cards for you? Think again. Do you think that body you want isn't attainable? Think again. Do you think your insert huge goal here is beyond your abilities? Think again. The paths are out there. You're gonna get specific about exactly what you want and dive into the virtually endless sea of information that will get you there. And then you're gonna realize the only real excuse was not taking advantage of that little rectangular device in your pocket. If you have access to internet, there is no excuse. If you want something, you will figure out how to learn about it. Remember that a badass is highly skilled. You won't have any problem reaching expertise and beyond in whatever you set your mind to. Next one, strengthening your body. Being physically strong and healthy isn't just about looking good. I mean, yeah, that is nice, but it's more about how it will make you feel. Firing on all cylinders is a feeling you will not want to let go of. Staying physically strong keeps you tuned up and running very well. And also, your risk of developing some kind of disease goes down dramatically when you are in top shape. And not just physiological diseases, I'm also talking psychological ones, like depression, anxiety, etc. And also, exercise is just good for your well-being. It's what human beings are still wired for. Next one, strengthening your soul. You will naturally want to start giving to other people, help them in times of need, show them the ways of the badass. But it is more than things and help. It is also just giving positive energy freely without asking for anything in return. You're gonna be a force of positivity, strength, and peace wherever you go. Not that you're gonna turn into an annoyingly happy kind of in-your-face person. You can be yourself and still feel that positivity, strength, and peace within yourself. It's the law of energy transference. Whatever you feel inside is how others around you are also going to feel. Negativity repels, positivity attracts, and you're gonna be feeling fantastic. Everyone around you is gonna feel it as well and be better for having spent that time with you. So you can expect toxic people to be repelled by you and good people to gravitate towards you. Next one, clearly defined life direction. As you progress through your badass journey, you'll naturally begin to define where you want to take your life. This is basically where you want to live, how much money you want to make, whether you want kids or more kids, etc. The answers to those questions will start presenting themselves to you as you progress through this. You're gonna start planning your life backwards. What this means is instead of limiting yourself to what you already have and the money you currently make, you're gonna design your life first and then figure out what it's gonna take to get you there. And this is just breaking out of the box. No more limited thinking. Like I said, those answers will show themselves to you as you progress. And you're gonna be in a great place to work towards that vision with absolute certainty. Next, clearly defined a purpose. A man without a purpose is a man adrift. For you younger guys out there, you might not exactly know what you want to do yet, and that is totally fine. There is nothing to be ashamed of, as answers like that will become more obvious as you progress through your journey. For you seasoned vets out there, maybe it's sticking to your original purpose and just elevating it even further. And you can have more than one. You can have your career, volunteer work that makes an impact, and your kids be your three purposes, for example. Regardless if it's a new or existing purpose, your badass mindset is going to make it so much easier to not only define it, but start living it and blasting through the obstacles that come with it. And you will do it with balance. We've all heard about super successful people who focus so much on their purpose that they basically neglect their families. This will not be you. You'll know how to keep your work efficient and effective and still have time to spend with your family. How you ultimately balance it is up to you, but you're soon gonna realize that it really is your purpose or purposes that keep you happy and fulfilled down to your core. Masculine happiness is rooted in purpose. Guys, the rewards waiting for you are basically infinite. All you gotta do is put one foot in front of the other and be as diligent and consistent as possible, especially in the beginning stages. Remember that motivation is momentum initiated by one thing. You badasses don't wait for motivation to arrive. We take action to build momentum. Motivation is what follows. It's a rhythm, a flow. The first 10% of anything is always the hardest. It's going to be a grind for a bit, but consistency will reward you with motivation to keep going. If you want to become badass, you won't be giving it time on the couch or at the bar. You'll be taking advantage of that time and soon be surpassing your baseline. So let's go ahead and tap into that. Your baseline is basically your life satisfaction line. As I mentioned briefly in previous episodes, it's basically a line on a graph that moves to the right as you get older. If you're content with life, it stays pretty flat. Something bad happens, it'll dip down and it'll rise up for a while. When something good happens, you take the average of those peaks and valleys and you get your baseline. Now, right now, you're probably way below your baseline. Totally understandable. Instead of just waiting for it to get back up to your average, which is going to take a lot longer than you like, you're going to be sending that line into a sharp incline over the next few months. Now, don't be surprised, you will have several weeks where your line is basically still kind of flat, but it's starting to turn upwards, but it will still feel like you're not really making any progress at first. All you got to do, as I mentioned, stay in the game. Momentum. It will be a big push at first, but then it's going to start to ramp up. You're going to be going through a lot of changes, good ones, of course. And it may feel strange, especially if you have never tried to rebuild your life like this, but you will get used to it. As you integrate badass concepts into your life, you will start to feel better, more fulfilled, and more at peace. And you're going to get to a point where you are firing on all cylinders, and then you're going to realize what I and thousands of other people who have made their own badass comeback realized that you have a brand new baseline, and it will be substantially higher than your old one. What this means is the things that used to drag you down won't actually drag you down that far compared to before. And the good things that happen will make you even happier than before. This is the real deal, guys. And you already have what it takes. If you're way below your baseline right now, the only place you have to go is up. Okay, so we've covered what's going to happen to you when your comeback is starting to kick into high gear. And also the mindset rewards and the effects you will also be able to see and feel. And we briefly touched on how other people are going to start seeing you too. There is one more element that we need to cover. But if you're not ready to hear it yet, no worries if you want to close out of this episode and revisit it later. Regardless, here we go. The next woman in your life. When you start turning into a badass, you will start attracting high quality women. Not only that, they will be hotter, smarter, and way more dedicated to you than any of your exes. They will also be extremely supportive of you and give you plenty of room to work on your badass journey. I want you to think back to the badass definition that we talked about in the beginning. Highly skilled, superbly confident, tough, uncompromising in self-expectations, and unfazed by high pressure situations. Now, what type of woman wouldn't want that? Well, you'd be surprised. Actually, a bunch of different types, and you might end up dating some of them. In addition to high-quality women, you're also going to come across some not so high quality ones. What types you may ask? Here we go. Women who are domineering, drama queens, toxic, attention and validation junkies, selfish, unfaithful, lazy, no life direction, untrustworthy. The list goes on. These types of women might be okay with your badass self at first, but they will always eventually try and steer you away from those things in order to shape you into what they want you to be once you guys get serious. And that is a road you do not want to go down. Ask me how I know. Part of this podcast is also learning how to weed those types out before they screw up your life. And you're gonna get really good at weeding them out. How? Well, check it out. Your standards will rise as your standards for yourself rise. You're not gonna want to tolerate BS drama anymore, or abuse, toxicity, infidelity, any of that shit. If she is trying to slow you down in any way, you'll learn how to recognize it and move on. A truly healthy woman, on the other hand, is one who wants you to be a badass. A high-quality woman is one who supports you in your journey and also expects you to support her in ways that make sense for your relationship dynamic. A high-quality woman understands that she may not be able to quite spend all the time she wants with you when you're working on your journey, and she may be sad about that at points, but the payoff is a man that she will become even more attracted to as you reach higher goals. So, yes, it is a balance, time with her versus time on your path. We're gonna cover that more in future episodes as well. But be warned, a high-quality woman will check you when you start to slip. And it's not because you're a failure and it's not because she's a bitch, it's because she wants to stay attracted to you and she understands this. When you start to understand this, you're gonna realize where you're falling short in your badass journey. She may not be direct in the form of clear-cut conversation, but you will learn to see signs in her nonverbal behavior so you can course correct from there. And don't worry, we're gonna be covering what those subtle warning signs look like in future episodes. Okay, so how do we find these high-quality women? Well, regardless, if it's one you approach or one who walks into your life, you're gonna have a crystal clear idea of what type of woman you will allow into your life and eventually settle down with if that is your goal. You're gonna create a list of 10 things you want and 10 things you will absolutely never tolerate in your next partner. Refer to episode four for a detailed breakdown. The truth is, you can hit all of your badass comeback goals with a clearly defined vision, but if you don't do the same thing for choosing your next woman, you're basically just rolling the dice. And that is a risk we cannot take because the wrong woman can undo all of your progress. Having options, picking a woman who is stellar in every single way is a guarantee if you stay on your path and choose her wisely, despite what the internet is trying to tell you these days. Just as your badass goals are within your reach, a fantastic woman who is proud to walk beside you is equally within reach. Gentlemen, you may be at a low point on your graph, but you are staring at your golden opportunity to rise from the ashes like a phoenix with the fire of a million suns. This is the best time for rebuilding when everything around you is broken. Throw that shit away and then design, plan, and build. This podcast will guide you through that process. And you get to pick what you want to rebuild and when. It's up to you. All you gotta do is stay consistent and diligent with each step in each stage of your badass comeback. And it goes on forever. It is a lifelong journey. So live it. You are already in it right now. And if this was motivating enough for you, start creating your own momentum by listening to an episode that's a good starting point for you and take action today if you haven't already. There is no better feeling on this earth than you firing on all cylinders. That confidence, happiness, and peace will make you feel like you're on top of the world every day, even on your bad days. Take that leap of consistency and diligence. And I guarantee you will start seeing results before you know it. And I promise you, the only regret that you will have is wishing you had started sooner. All right, wrapping up here, boys. I appreciate every single one of you, and I am so proud of you for making that leap to rebuild. You won't regret a single moment of it. And one last thing that picture of the warrior staring back at that heartbroken guy in the mirror, you know, the one that's on this podcast. Think of your own version of that the next time you look into your mirror. That is the badass within, waiting to be awakened. I'm leaving you guys with a quote from the author of The Book of Life and a bunch of other success mindset books, Robert Collier. Quote, success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out. I love you guys, and I'll see you next week. Thank you for joining me in another badass episode, brother. If you want to accelerate into this new chapter in your life and get a boost into your badass journey, sign up for a free 45-minute consultation for post breakup or divorce coaching. All the info is in the episode description. Also, please remember to like and comment. And if you know anyone who could use this info in their badass journey, please share this episode with them. None of this will be possible without you guys, so thank you again, and I will see you in the next episode.