Ep 8. You're Already Paying: The True Cost of Choosing not to Change

You've thought about the cost of change. The discomfort, the uncertainty, the fear of getting it wrong. But have you ever really looked at what staying is costing you?

In this episode Liv breaks down the hidden invoice of not changing. The one that doesn't come with a number, doesn't announce itself, but quietly debits from your clarity, your self-trust, your energy, and your time.

Through real life examples of women choosing the familiar over the true, Liv reframes the question from "can I afford to change?" to "can I actually afford not to?"

This episode is for you if you're circling something. A decision, a pattern, a relationship, a version of yourself you've outgrown. And you keep telling yourself it's safer to stay.

It isn't. It's just a different kind of expensive.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, hello. Welcome back to the Meat and Monogamy podcast. We're back. We're back in the studio, baby. And it is your go, Liv. I am your gracious host, and I absolutely love being here. And I love having you here. So thank you so much. If you're fresh and new, perhaps just finding us for the first time, welcome. And if you are a seasoned vet, I know there are many seasoned vets that listen to this podcast. Thank you for always coming back. Thank you for always engaging in the beautiful ways that you do. And thank you for listening. It really means the world that you spend part of your time, part of your week, listening to the Meet Your Monogamy podcast. If you are new to the pod, I just want to give you a little bit of the lay of the land. This podcast is created because I really believe that the world is the world really downplays how important women's power really is. So I've dedicated my life to serving women's power in so many ways. And this podcast, we speak about, we speak about that. And and particularly around topics of you know nourishing. How do you be a nourished woman in the world? And I speak a lot about relationships, relationships with ourselves and others. You'll hear me speak about identity, you'll hear me speak about business. And I I, you know, all of the kind of things in our lives that shape how we move through the world, we talk about it here. So if that's your kind of thing, chances are you're in the right place. Okay. So today's episode, I'm excited about this. I've been sort of frothing all weekend to get in the recording studio to get going. Because I'm like, I got so much to say. I'm kind of in the mood today to record like 10 episodes. So we'll see. However, I want to just name what it is. And that is, you know, first of all, say we don't talk about this enough. Mm-hmm. We don't talk about this enough. And that is about the cost of not changing. So the cost of not changing is not zero. Okay. So this today's episode is going to be about change and all of the ways that we pay silent bills and we aren't always aware of what we're paying. Okay. So in personal development land, we talk a lot about the cost of change, right? How hard it can be, how crazy transformation can be, how scary it can be, how much it asks for you, how big it is. And that is true that change does cost something. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend that it doesn't, because it does, right? And, you know, I also stand for that. I ride for that. I think that we should be honest about the fact that changing does require something of us, right? But I don't think we talk nearly enough about what staying and not changing also costs us. Okay. And I want to get in there today because I think for a lot of women, there's this like quiet calculation that happens underneath the surface when you are weighing up options. Okay. So I think this is rather unconscious. And I think that the story that tends to win when we're doing this is that it's safer to stay, it's cheaper to stay, change is risky, it's expensive on many levels, and it's the uncertain option. So staying is the stable one, right? And I will speak about why we do this, right? But I want to first like gently, lovingly, and completely dismantle some of that story today because I think it's one of the most costly stories we tell ourselves. And honestly, most of us don't even realize we're doing it. Okay. So let's get into it. Let's, let's, let's get our meat on the bone here and have a little nibble and just see what we're working with. Okay. And see if this resonates for you in your life. You know, perhaps you you see yourself here. Okay. So there's this image that I've had in my head as I've been thinking about speaking about this, right? And so I want to paint the picture for you. So imagine that you're running a business. Okay. And some of you do run businesses, so this might won't be hard to imagine. And every month there are two invoices that land on your desk. Okay. One of them is labeled the cost of change, and it's got a number on it, right? So it says cost of change, and then it says a figure, right? And it's concrete, you see it, you know exactly the bill you're paying. It's like literally the number, facts are on the page. You can argue with it if you want, you can decide it's too high, and you can just put it back in the day in the drawer, right? You can kind of just be like, okay, that's the cost of change. I'm aware of what that is. Okay. Like I could ignore it or I could just whatever it is, bit of it. Okay. There's another invoice which is labeled the cost of staying. But the thing about the cost of staying invoice, it doesn't come with a number. It is not itemized. It's a lot harder to quantify because what that second invoice is doing is just like siphoning off small debits from your account every single month without you even realizing it. Okay. That's what I want to talk about with you today. That second invoice. Okay. The one that's like quietly just siphoning the debits, right? That we're not even aware of happening. Okay. So I think for a lot of us, we're really familiar with the first one. We have a lot of like tried experiences of the cost of change. It's like a visible, concrete feeling a lot of the time. It's kind of immediate. It's like we can measure the money, we can measure the time, we can measure the discomfort, we can measure the uncertainty, like the fear of getting it wrong, the fear of what people will think, the fear of who we're gonna have to become. And that fear is real. And I wanna honor it and not dismiss it because the cost of change is also a significant part of our lives, right? And especially those of us that are, you know, interested and committed to trans transformation, right? Have dedicated our lives to transformation, okay. But the cost of staying, this is more hidden, okay. So I want to bring it more into the light, more into our visibility. So this is like silent, like hidden, slow, small, subtle, but a lot of accumulation over time. Okay. This is like the cost that's like not announcing itself in a massive way. It's just like quietly taking something from you every month, year after year. Like it's just taking something, right? And then how it how it manifests is one day you're kind of like, hang on a minute, like, where did my clarity go? Where did my energy go? Where did the version of me that I trusted that trusted herself go? Like, where did where did these parts of myself go? Right. That's the cost of staying, right? That is the cost. And it's the cost that's been running in the background the whole time, right? But but but you're not really aware. Okay. So let's let's talk about it because it's like, well, what does it actually cost you? And I know that this is a big one for me, and I want to get really specific because I want to get really specific about the cost because I think that's gonna be helpful to like really be able to identify what it is that I'm speaking about. Okay. So the first thing it costs you is clarity. So if you stay in a relationship, maybe a situation, a circumstance, a situation shit, a pattern, a version of you that's no longer fitting your life, what tends to happen is you will spend an enormous amount of energy managing the gap between who you really are and who you're pretending to be. Okay. Like that management is taking up a massive cognitive and emotional load. Okay. And clarity finds it very, very hard to exist in that space where that's all of that management is happening. Okay. So I believe that clarity requires, like, and this is something I work with very deeply with women when you first come into working with me. Clarity requires like a stillness and a quietness that is really, really hard to access when you are working overtime to hold something together that isn't working anymore. Okay. And like maybe you see yourself in that. You're like, okay, like I may have had that experience. So maybe you're having it now. Okay. Second cost, and this is a massive one as well, and this is really fundamental to the work I do with my women, is it's about self-trust, right? If you the cost of staying is trust, right? Like self-trust specifically, every time you know something is true for you, and you feel you feel a pull towards it, and that gut internal gut feeling is like this isn't it, and you override yourself and you keep doing that, right? Over and over again, it continually sends an internal message, and that message is saying that you're knowing it doesn't matter, your instincts can't be trusted. Like you need to wait for more evidence, more certainty, more permission. Like, you are sending that message to that part of you, and over time it erodes, right? That that trust erodes, and you you're like waiting for more evidence, you're waiting for something else, you're just waiting, waiting, waiting. And the more time you wait, the more that relationship with that part of you has eroded, and the harder it can be to then instigate something different. Okay. This it really erodes our relationship with our inner authority. And I don't think we talk about how damaging that can be for us as women, right? When we we lose connection to that inner authority, and then there's this like erosion, and everything is harder when we don't have a relationship with our inner authority. Okay. Like decision making is fucking hard when you don't trust yourself and you don't feel like internally guided to lead your life. It's very, very difficult to make a big decision or any decision. Moving forward gets really hard. Knowing what you want gets really hard. That like connection to your desire, that the trust in that gets eroded. And like ultimately, what's happening is there's this training that's been going on. Like you're you're you're training yourself to not listen to yourself, okay. And you know, that has a big cost, okay. It has a big cost when we're trained to not listen to ourselves. The third one is around time, and this is like the one I think that somehow like breaks my heart the most because you know, this is so tender, and like time is genuinely the only resource we can't get back. And when we spend years, sometimes decades, in situations and patterns and like places and versions of ourselves we've outgrown, we're spending something that is like time is a finite resource. We don't have our entire lives to figure this out, right? Like there is a there is a finite limit, okay? And so I'm I'm not sharing any of this to sort of scare you or like create urgency for urgency's sake. I'm saying it because I feel like we should feel the weight of this, right? Like in a reverent way, because we revere ourselves and we revere our lives, and that life is precious, and you are worth spending it as yourself, right? You are worth spending your life as you, okay, living the life that is true for you, okay. So I want to jump into some examples, okay, and and and you can maybe relate to some of this, like perhaps you see yourself, okay. And you know, all of these examples are things actually that I've definitely experienced and I've seen my women go through and you know ultimately come out the other side. So the first one is is a bit of a I want to say it's a bit of a classic, but it's it's also I think one of the toughest, to be honest, right? So this is the relationship that we won't leave, right? So yeah, the relationship that she won't leave. Okay. So this let's paint the scene here, right? She's this woman, you know, she's been in this relationship for a really long time, uh and she knows, right? She knows on some level that it isn't right. But not because like there's something horrendous happening, right? It's not like there's like huge kind of massive red flags. He, if it's a he, right, he's not a bad person, and she's not a bad person, and there's nothing necessarily wrong, but there's something quite significant missing. Or, you know, she's been hoping that something changes for a really long time, but it hasn't. And leaving for her feels really enormous. Like the cost of leaving feels so high. There's the grief, there's the logistics, there's like the identity shift of it all, how will it be perceived by the people? What will people think? And so she stays. Like staying is costing her less. Okay, if we bring in the second invoice principle, right, here is what staying is truly costing her, right? Let's talk about that, right? It's costing her the experience of being truly met, it's costing her the version of herself that feels fully alive in her own life. It's costing her the clarity she would gain from just making a decision and standing in it. And every year she stays, she's paying. She's paying this invisible bill, right? Not in this really obvious way, right? There's like she gets a little more muted as time goes on, she gets a little more disconnected, a little less trusting of herself. And she will have a moment, like in the future, maybe five years, 10 years from now, where she looks back and she thinks, I already knew. I knew a long, long time ago. And that moment is so heartbreaking, and I have been there. Right, I've been there. And it's not like there's anything wrong with taking that time. She needed that time, perhaps, but it's the cost of the not listening to herself, the compounded cost of that over many, many years. Okay. Right. That's the cost we're speaking about here, right? It doesn't mean it's wrong to stay, but it's the cost of what it takes from her to do that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I can think in my own experience of you know, staying because the stakes felt too high to leave, you know, specific relationships. And you know, the the longer I stayed in something, the more entangled and harder to unwind, and time required. Like it can be really easy to get ourselves, like dive into things and sort of get stuck. And it can be, it can actually take more time to unravel, unravel our way out of something. It's similar to debt, actually. Like it can be so easy to go into debt. Like, so we can go, we can spend like 30 grand in a month or a few months or a year, and it could take five years to get out of that, right? And we, you know, we often don't think about like the long-term cost of continuing with the same pattern, right? And then like what the compounded cost is, okay. So, anyway, let's keep it moving. So, this second example is around a career, right? So, and I know this is, you know, I've I've coached a lot of women through this one, okay. So, this woman, right, she's really, really good at her job. Really good. Like she's been doing it for years, it's dialed in, okay. And on paper, it looks great. Paying her well, she's got all of the trimmings, it's stable, her colleagues respect her, but she feels nothing. There's no aliveness for her in it anymore. And there's a whisper that keeps getting louder and louder that's saying, like, this isn't it, this isn't the thing. But changing feels so costly, right? What if she gets it wrong? What if she invests herself in the wrong thing? What if it doesn't work out to make the change? Okay. What if she's gives up the stability and she can't replace it? So she stays and she stays in this role that feels really safe. And it's got like a kind of, you know, there's this feeling of like, oh, I'll just figure it out later, right? I'll make a move when the time is right, and when she has more clarity, when things settle down. Okay. But let's talk about the cost of that because again, it's harder to see. There's a daily experience of being engaged in something that doesn't matter to her, and it's costing her her creative energy because there's everything has been funneled into her capacity, and like her capacity is just being like poured into this thing that is no longer feeling in any way alive. And it's like she's it's costing her the version of herself that she's becoming because nothing is moving, okay? And like who we're becoming is not like a passive thing, per se, right? We're always in a process of becoming in some way. And when we stay somewhere we've outgrown, we're still becoming, but there's like a way that it's we're just becoming sometimes someone smaller, someone more managed, someone a little bit more disconnected. Okay. And you know, there's so many, there's so many, you know, caveats to this in the sense of like, you know, you want to make sure you're not gonna be in like deep survival if you leave your job, right? But you want to kind of make sure you've got your ducks in a row. Do you have, you know, some runway or buffer or cushion if if things don't work out? Like, what would you need in terms of real safety to make the change? But if you've never figured that out and never asked yourself the question of, like, well, what would you actually need to make the change? And you're just sort of sitting with the quiet cost of staying, then that's the part to check in with, right? Like that you could explore what change looks like, you could get more information, you could put feelers out there for a new job, right? You could put yourself out there and and even feel the aliveness of a new process, okay. And so I went through this process last year where I was exploring going back into corporate. I mean, I've never fully been in corporate, I've only dabbled and I haven't been in a haven't worked kind of nine to five for many, many years. And I came to a place last year of being like, it wasn't like I've outgrown this career at all. If anything, I was coming back into this career, the one that I'm speaking to you from now, but I was looking at my real life realities and I was looking at, you know, the desire to have children and have stability. And I really wanted to give my business the time and space to grow without the pressure of having to cover the cost of my desired lifestyle, right? And so I looked very seriously into additional jobs, and I ended up getting into a really enlivening interview process at a financial technology company. And it was one of the best things I did last year. I didn't get the job in the end, but the process of going through a corporate interview process, having to explore what life would be like with this big change of getting a corporate job and managing a team and like stretching myself in all these new ways after 10 years of being an entrepreneur. It was so amazing and enlivening to open up the possibility. And ultimately, when it didn't work out, I was pointed back. To going all in on my business. And that was the growth, right? The growth was to explore multiple options and not just have my eggs all in one basket. Okay. So I don't just do this job now, I do do other things. But it wasn't true that I should get a corporate job, but it was true that I should explore the options. And that process and following that rabbit hole and leaping into the unknown gave so much juice and aliveness, right, to my life. And then lo and behold, guess what happened? My business started to fill up. I started to get lots of client inquiries. I was fully booked for the first time since I started restarted my business last year. Like I was amazed, right? And that's what happens when we follow the nudge to grow, evolve, and change. Okay. So the last example, and I can also relate to this one, is the woman who won't invest in herself. Okay. And I want to speak to this woman so bad because this is so close to my heart, and I see it so often. I see all sides of this so often, right? So this woman, and this might be you, right? You've been thinking about getting support, right? She is exploring, entertaining. Okay. Maybe it's a coach, a therapist, maybe it's a group program, maybe it's some kind of investment in her own growth and capacity. Okay. And you keep coming back to it. And, you know, something is really, really drawing her in. Okay. I keep kind of moving here between speaking about you and her, but I want to just stay with her because I want to really like just sort of paint the archetype a little bit because I think that's important, right? So this woman is like hungry for investment in herself, hungry for support. Okay. And I like to say that for women, like having ecosystems of care set up in our lives, of support is so important, no matter what we have going on, no matter who we are, ecosystems of care, I think, is an incredibly wise way to navigate life. Okay. But this woman is so drawn to support, but every time she gets close to it, the cost of the support or the change feels too high for her. Okay. And so she says, I'll just wait, maybe when I have more money, maybe when things are less busy, maybe when, maybe when, I'll wait and I'll make sure it's the right thing. And she just keeps waiting and she keeps waiting. And then while she's waiting, there's this cost because she keeps circling the same patterns in the waiting room. There's literally like the waiting room, and she's just in the room going round and round. Okay. She keeps making decisions from the same place. She keeps hitting the same walls. She keeps moving through the same cycles of like, usually it looks like quite a lot of kind of depletion. And it's years of that. It's years of that sameness, right? The compound interest of confusion, right? Like, and this kind of like it's like you keep arriving at this slightly different version of yourself, but from a different stuck place. And it's, I would say it's because the thing that would have helped her move differently hasn't been given to her yet. She's not allowed herself to have the thing that's actually going to help move it. Okay. So this cost is not zero. It's enormous, right? But it's invisible. And that's what makes this one so challenging. And I have, you know, as it's well documented, invested heavily in myself over the years. And, you know, we're talking like multiple six figures. I couldn't even tell you the amount of hours I have spent being supported by, you know, my team, my coaches, my support, my teachers. Like I have had so much support. And I've also felt the cost of the times when I've been coming through more turbulent times and I haven't felt, I have, I haven't felt ready to just give it to myself. And I have gone around in circles and avoided and avoided and avoided. I actually did that last year with this business program that I'm in, and I'm just coming up to being in a year, nearly a year. I remember I was so set on wanting to do it in the January. I was like, this is gonna be the thing I need to do in the January. And there was a couple of other things I wanted to do at the time as well, and I ended up prioritizing the other things. And it's not necessarily that that was a bad choice, it was a choice. But by not actually investing in the thing that was really going to change the needle financially, when it came time to start in the June, and I, you know, did end up taking the leap in the Dune, I looked back and I thought, what a lesson. You know, think of the compound interest of not making this decision in the January. It'd been five extra months of staying in the same patterns. And like imagine where I would be now if I had invested in January, right? Now I'm nearly a year into that program. So I finished my first year. Highly likely that I will carry on because it has been such an amazing program. And I knew it would be. I remember like, you know, listening to this coach and I like binged her podcast, and a dear, dear friend of mine was in the program and she raved about it, and another colleague raved about it. I just knew this was gonna be a great program. I knew this was gonna be exactly the thing I needed. But every time I got close to it, I could always find a reason to not dive in, right? And I paid the costs, right? I've got the results now because I eventually made the investment and I put the work in and I applied all the principles that my coach was offering to my life and my business. And my business is in such an incredibly steady and sound place financially because of this investment, which was the exact intention of taking the program, right? But there was a compound interest of like the five-month delay, right? I was like, I wish I'd hey, I wish I'd done this five years ago, right? I wish I'd known about this program five years ago and like done it then, but I didn't, but I did know about it six months ago, and I wish that I had done it six months ago. Okay. So because I knew what I'd been paying, I knew the invisible bills I'd been paying by, you know, not getting the expert guidance, holding and support, right? So I want to offer a reframe here. Right. And it's like we're always paying, so you're always paying, the question is what are you paying? What are you what are you paying for? Okay. So this is a great question to sit with. Okay. So an example here, right? When you choose your when you choose to change, so when you prioritize change, you pay in discomfort, uncertainty, effort, courage, literal money. There's like a real cost, okay. So for example, you know, the the program that I was just describing, it's a business program for small business owners, and there was a price tag, and it was uh uncomfortable to invest the money. Uh it was a stretch. There was you know a lot of material and curriculum to work through, right? There was effort that needed to be put in. There was uncertainty, you know, would I benefit from this program? Would I get the results, right? And so there's a real cost, and I respect it, right? I honor that there's a cost to change, and yeah. So when you choose to stay, right, stay running certain cycles, patterns in certain relationships that no longer fit that maybe you've outgrown, you pay in clarity, trust, energy, time, aliveness, right? Self-love, okay, and that's also a real cost. Okay, that's also a valuable cost to you. Okay. It might be something that sounds a little bit like duller than like discomfort, uncertainty, effort, right? But like clarity, trust, energy, your time, those are big things in my world. Those are big things in my world, okay. And those things are less visible, so they can be harder to catch. Okay. And I think when we really let that land, when we really sit with that invoice one, invoice two, and you know, you look at them honestly, the calculus starts to maybe shift a little bit. Okay. So think about this, right? Maybe you're looking at these two invoices now, and staying isn't the safe option anymore, right? Maybe it's just a different kind of expensive. That's how I see it. It's a different kind of expensive, okay? And like change is expensive, not changing is expensive. Right? It just is like that's how I see it. Like, there's a cost to both. Do you know what you're paying for? And are you okay with what you're paying for? Right? You might be, right? Paying in clarity, trust, you know, those things you might be like, I'm I'm good. I'm good, right? I'm good with that. I'm okay with paying that bill. Like, and that's absolutely all of us to determine for ourselves, like, what do we really think? Okay. So I also want to say that there is a difference between change being hard and change being wrong. They're not the same thing. And I want to just kind of like give this a little rub with the genie and the love bucket here, because you know, I I do see sometimes fear is present, a lot of fear, perhaps, and you think something's wrong. And actually, fear is sometimes proof that you should explore something, right? It doesn't mean there's anything wrong. Like hard change is hard, change is hard. Sometimes change is very hard. And in the same way, sometimes not changing is also very hard, right? It can be very painful, can be very like, as we've said, many things, right? Not changing can be many things. Okay. So, like fear coming in the room. I always say that's wise, and and there's a wisdom to fear, and there's an intelligence. And I think it's worth sort of understanding what this fear is really about, because often when fear is in the room, there's an edge you're standing across. Like you're standing on the edge, right? You're looking over the cliff, like, who looks a bit scary to jump off here. Whoa, my God. But that means something real. Like you might need to jump off, who knows? You might need to jump in like free fall a little bit, and then like up comes the parachute, the support as you land. Okay. So oftentimes when we're afraid of something, there's something that we that exists on the other side of that fear, right? Fear can be the gift, the gold, right? The cave that we fear to go in can be filled with the thing we actually deeply need. Okay. So, you know, I'll also say that change can be uncomfortable, but that discomfort is often quite temporary. It doesn't, it doesn't stay forever. You move through it, you grow through it, you evolve, you you build your capacity to embrace discomfort. You get good at that, right? And so a lot of my ladies who I work with, you know, you get more seasoned in embracing uncomfortable, transformative, you know, moments or experiences. You know, you get good at that, you get you embrace it and you start to have less judgment for it or think it's something wrong. But the other direction, right, the staying piece, like that's more quiet and invisible. So that's harder to see, right? And so the cost of it can, the cost of it can be, you know, so much more hidden, right? I know for me personally, the one I would rather pay. Right? I would rather pay the cost of changing. Right? I would rather pay that cost. Okay. So where do we get stuck with this? Like what really gets in the way? Because I think this is, you know, what why do we do this? Why do we keep choosing the invisible cost over the visible costs? You know, why do we do this? Like, it's not we're not stupid. None of you are like silly or you know, we're not like idiots. We're like brilliant, capable, powerful women. Like, but what's actually happening? Okay, and so I think I think there's a few things here. So, you know, going back to what I was saying earlier, we as women we do tend to carry quite a lot of conditioning around not like like that not trusting ourselves, especially our own internal knowing, might be a good thing. Like, there's been lots of subtle teachings towards us as women that sort of says, you know, your instincts are unreliable. You know, they're a little like cyclical and a little much, you know. Sometimes we can believe that. Like we are really taught that. Um, we're taught to rely on external validation before we choose, before we act, okay, that we should wait for certainty, more evidence before we decide, right? Maybe we need more permission, and we're taught that, like, well, I can't move without external permission. Okay. Like that is often why we override ourselves. We have this externally focused relationship that is, you know, keeping us stuck, but it's hard to see, okay? And because the staying becomes the default, it can be so much more comfortable because change is like like requires movement, and movement requires trusting ourselves. And trusting yourself is a thing you've been sort of trained not to do, right? So, can you see that it's easy to get stuck in this loop here? Right. It's like not entirely our fault, but it is our responsibility to address this, okay. Another thing that is true for a lot of us is we are very good managers, CEO of our lives and everyone else's lives. How about you? Right. A lot of the women I work with, you are extraordinary managers of your own lives. Like you're very, very good. You hold the tremendous amount, like you can keep things quietly running when things really don't seem okay. Like you have a sort of really, really wide capacity. And there's that, that is a skill, and I do think it's a genuinely impressive skill. And I do think that you know, women are so incredible for our ability to do that, but it can also be the thing that keeps you stuck. You can't there is a thing of managing a little too well, like a little overfunctioning, right? And the cost of staying is not so obvious with this because it doesn't really announce itself, right? It you'll just be sort of quietly dripping drained, and but you'll keep going, you'll keep managing, but that drain sort of deepens and you still keep going because you just have this sort of like infinite capacity to keep going and keep going and keep overriding. But something does eventually tend to break, something does eventually tend to shift, and you kind of you realize, oh, like, oh, I I can't, I can't really, you know, like override in that way anymore. And I have found with women, sometimes in our first conversation, even just like the deep dive conversation can really help you see just how much the overfunctioning and the overriding is costing you. And it can be a really hard thing to spot because, again, as I said, we're so trained that this is the way we should be. Okay, the final thing that I think kind of gets in the way is around safety, and there's this confusion here comfort with safety. And I will say that familiar and safe are not the same thing. Yeah, familiar and safe are not the same thing. Like a situation can be deeply familiar and deeply costly at the same time. Okay, so staying can feel safe because of course it's known and you're not like entering the unknown. But known and good are not the same thing either. Okay, so like sometimes the most courageous and self-honouring thing you can do is to just choose the unknown. And it's like to and it's to choose the discomfort over the slow, quiet cost of like, you know, that subtle cost of of staying somewhere that you know you've deeply outgrown. Okay. So, you know, I'm a big stickler for safety. I I think that safety really matters. I think it's very hard to change and grow when we feel completely unsafe and in survival. So I'm not speaking about like, you know, ripping the roots beneath your life and just like changing everything all at once at all, right? I'm not proponent like I'm not a proponent of like put yourself in harm's way, but it's really worth exploring comfort and safety in your own life and like like really sort of distinguishing them as as not the same thing. Okay. So I wanna I wanna you know, it's been a lot today, it's a big episode, and I want to leave you with something because I think that there's kind of a lot to reflect on here, right? If, you know, there's something like for you right now, you're listening to this and you're like, okay, in your life right now, you keep circling something. There's like something you're kind of questioning or going around and around and around, and maybe there's a decision that you just can't quite land on, or perhaps you just feel this pattern, you just keep rubbing against this pattern, and it's kind of starting to drive you a little bit cuckoo. Or maybe there's like something that you really feel actually wants attention, but you keep finding reasons to delay it. Like, I want you to sit with these questions. These questions are imperative here. So maybe get your pen out to write these down. Like, maybe get your pen out to write these down. Okay, what is staying where I am actually costing me? Okay, what is staying where I am actually costing me? Okay, that's a big one, right? And this is like not what change is gonna cost me because you've probably done the calculation, you know that answer, right? You've been cataloguing the answer of change for a while, okay. But what is staying actually costing me? Okay, what is staying here? Really, really, really, what is the cost of this? And what is it costing you in clarity, in trust, in energy, in the liveness, in your time? Like, really sit with that. Because I think when you do and you really sit with that, something will start to shift, okay? And you do not have to make any big decisions here at all, right? You don't need to like go off and you know start radically making moves. I'm just saying sit with this, really sit with it. I really believe that the the truth of what staying is costing you is probably you're probably more aware of it. You've probably had the thought. You've probably thought about this. Um, you know, part of you is probably already in the know. There might be another part that's like just getting into the no. But there's probably a part of you that's like, it's known for a while, okay? And and the question is always, you know, whether you're willing to look at it, like whether you're willing to take a look. Okay. So if you've got through this rich episode, and you know, just stay with me for a few more minutes because I I want to tell you about something I created. I did I did speak about it last week, and it's so directly connected to what we're speaking about today, like really connected, okay. And this is the this new event I've created called Origin. Okay. And I'm running it very soon. And as a matter of fact, it's this Sunday, so it's Sunday, the 26th of April. So if you're listening to this in real time, you haven't missed it. It's it's this weekend, okay. And it is a three-hour live group experience where I'm gonna be leading you through a process to work with some of this, okay. So origin is perfect for you. If you're like in this place right now, you're like something is feeling a little bit off. Like, I feel like something needs to change. You're you're at a cusp, a cusp moment. So cusping, you're at like a I call it threshold moment in my language, like you're on the edge of something, you're emerging, something's emerging. And as things emerge, you're like, ooh, something's changing. Like, I'm there's an evolution here. Okay. You know, there's a shift, but you're just not quite sure. And like, okay, how do I do this? Like, what do I do? Like you're kind of just like, I need, I need a bit of guidance here. Okay. So in the three hours at Origin on Sunday, I'm going to be leading you through my full framework. So we're going to be working with clarity, which if you are like in my process right now and how I work with people, the clarity piece is what is currently known as the deep dive. And then I'm going to be leading you through restoration. So the process goes clarity, restoration. So restoration is what's currently known as the comeback. So my foundational container to rebuild self-trust. And then the third part of the framework is around stewardship. So this is around guiding what grows once you trust yourself. Okay. So at Origin, you're going to get real tools. I'm going to be like coaching you in real time. And we're going to apply the framework to whatever it is that you're working with right now. Okay. And you're going to walk away with certainly more clarity and some very clear next steps that are going to feel very unique to you and your situation. Okay. So it's 55 pounds to join the experience. And if you come live, you'll get my eyes, eyes on the prize, you'll get my eyes directly on your situation in real time. And, you know, if you know this is for you, you're like, I have been kind of maybe you've been sort of sitting for a while, maybe coming into working with me and you want this smaller by experience, then you know the link is in my bio. And you will also find it in the show notes. So sign yourself up, block the time, get yourself in the room. Okay. You can also sign up and receive the replay. It's going to be an Evergreen workshop where you will be able to lead yourself through the process at a later date. So if you are you can't be there live on Sunday for whatever reason, then you can still sign up. We'd love to have you, and you will be sent the process and the replay after the live experience has unfolded. And so I will just say that, you know, you deserve to stop paying that invisible second invoice. Okay. You deserve to know exactly where you are. And, you know, I really believe that you deserve to move forward from a place that it actually feels true, that actually feels like it lines up, it tracks, it feels like right for you. Okay. That's what we're going to be doing, Origin. So I'm really excited about this. And I can't wait to see who comes. And we've already got a really lovely group of women joining. It is going to be an intimate event. So there's not going to be loads and loads of people. So if you want, you know, tailored focused support, but in a small group setting, this is this is for you. Okay. All right, my darlings. Thank you for getting this far. As always, please feel free to leave us a review on Apple. We love five-star reviews and we love actual written reviews, which you can do there. It really helps us to, you know, share with other people the juice and the magic that's unfolding over here. So please feel free to share this episode if you feel like there's someone in your life. Maybe you've been having this conversation with them, or just let me know. Like send me a comment, like send me a DM and just let me know how this all landed for you. Okay. All right, my darlings. I love you. See you next time.