Ep 10. From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust: Reclaiming Your Whole Self with Gwen Yi

From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust: Reclaiming Your Whole Self with Gwen Yi

What happens when you stop trying to become someone else... and finally come home to yourself?

In this deeply moving conversation, I'm joined by astrologer, mentor and beautiful friend Gwen Yi, a former Comeback client whose journey over the last year has been nothing short of extraordinary.

When Gwen first came to me, she believed she needed more strategy, more structure and more certainty.

What she discovered instead was something far more powerful.

A return to her own body.

Her own authority.

Her own truth.

Together, we explore what it really means to trust yourself, release the identities you've outgrown, and stop outsourcing your wisdom to everyone else.

This is a conversation about sustainable power, the courage to evolve, and the profound freedom that comes when you stop performing who you think you should be and begin honouring who you've always been.

It's one of my favourite conversations we've ever recorded.

In this episode we explore:

• Why personal evolution often feels uncomfortable before it feels liberating

• The hidden cost of outsourcing your authority

• Learning to trust your body's wisdom instead of constantly overriding it

• Why slowing down can be the most powerful thing you'll ever do

• What it really means to be held in coaching and why true support creates sovereignty, not dependence

• The importance of integration after periods of massive growth

• Reclaiming past versions of yourself instead of feeling ashamed of them

• The difference between performing strength and embodying true power

• Why investing in yourself is often the first act of self-trust

• The beautiful moment Gwen realised she no longer needed to become someone else

Memorable Quotes

"You are worth waiting for."

"The answers do not exist outside of me."

"Whenever I'm lost now, I close my eyes and ask my body what it needs."

"We don't just heal by learning. We heal by learning to hold ourselves."

"When you stop outsourcing your authority, your whole life begins to change."

Connect with Gwen Yi

🌿 Website: www.gwenyi.com

🌿 Instagram: @gwenyi

WONG GWEN YI is an Astrologer, Mentor and Guide for Multidimensional Women learning to embrace the Art of Personal Evolution. As a 3/5 Manifesting Generator herself, Gwen’s life has been rife with pivots, U-turns and ups and downs, including founding an empathy training company and leaving an 8-year longterm relationship. Gwen’s hope is to change the narrative around Personal evolution in Asia, not seeing it as shameful or irresponsible, but empowering Women to reclaim their stories, past selves and innate sovereignty through her own lived example.

Ready to explore your own next chapter?

If this conversation stirred something in you, and you're standing on the edge of your own evolution, I'd love to support you.

The Deep Dive is where every coaching journey with me begins.

Together we'll uncover what's really keeping you stuck, what your next season is asking of you, and whether working together is the right next step.

✨ Book your Deep Dive:

https://olivia-lara-owen.kit.com/products/1-1-introductory-deep-dive-with-olivia-

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs this conversation today.

With love,

Liv x

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, everyone. Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the Meet and Monogamy podcast. It has been another little while. I have a big explanation why. Announcement coming soon. But today is a very special day. And I'm so happy you're back in the Meet and Monogamy hot seat and back in the recording studio. I really missed, I really missed this. And for those of you avid listeners, you know, this podcast is all about building our lives from that deep well of being truly nourished by what lights us up, by who we really are. And I think there's sort of no one better to come on here and talk about that than this amazing guest. So I'm so happy to invite the lovely Gwen on. Gwen, can you hear me okay? I'm just checking because I'm seeing maybe a frozen screen here.

SPEAKER_04 1:05

Oh, maybe it's just my face frozen in that delightful smile because I loved that intro. Okay. Maybe you just mesmerized. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Perfectly you moved. Okay, welcome. Hello. So happy to be here, Liv. Yeah, it's wonderful to have you. Like we have had quite the journey. So I'm gonna just introduce you for those of you that do not know this amazing woman. So I'm gonna read a little bit of a bio, and this bio just like gives me tingles because I know the journey that you have been on. Okay. So Wang Gwen Yi is an astrologer, mentor, and guide for multidimensional women learning to embrace the art of personal evolution. And some of my girlies are gonna love this. As a 3-5 manifesting generator herself, Gwen's life has been rife with pivots, U-turns, and ups and downs, including founding an empathy training company and leaving an eight-year long-term relationship. Gwen's hope is to change the narrative around personal evolution in Asia, not seeing it as shameful or irresponsible, but empowering women to reclaim their stories, past selves, and innate sovereignty through her own lived example.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

Five minutes in, and I'm crying again. So it's really beautiful to have it mirrored back to me by Liv herself. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Oh beautiful. Yeah, I feel it. I feel it deeply. Like this is, you know, as everybody's gonna hear today, you know, you've had such a stunning journey, and and we've had a very particular journey together. So I'm really excited to have you on. And and especially now, you know, this is a special time for you, you know, for for um you're gonna find out. So we're not gonna give too much away right away, but we're gonna find out why is this a special time. Stay tuned. Yeah, stay tuned. So just to acknowledge that we've actually known each other quite a long time, haven't we? We've known each other through a whole different world. We knew each other through um a beloved community called Sandbox. And so some people listening, you know, may also know us through Sandbox. So we've known each other a long time, but it was only in in the last year, so sort of the last six months, where we actually came together more intimately. And so Gwen was a comeback client. So Gwen took the comeback, which was my flagship journey, the three-month flagship journey that I I work with with women through transition. And we started working together at the end of last year and we finished a couple of months ago. And so we've had this kind of incredibly rich journey, and then we've had a bit of integration. And so we're coming back today, you know, with a bit of space in between to go back and like really talk about what that was like and and then talk about where you are now. And you know, I was so excited for this because you know, I love what you stand for, and I think that you, you know, you have such an amazing story that I think that so many people that listen to this podcast, so many women especially, are going to resonate with. So let's let's just jump right in and let's like start at the beginning and you know, let's talk about like where you were before we began. So, like, let's sort of set the scene here of like what was happening in your life when you reached out to me initially. Like, where were you when you first reached out? Can you remember?

SPEAKER_04 5:00

I actually reread my intake form because a version of me, which is very on brand, feels like lifetimes ago, even though it was just last November. Long story short, I was in a season of my life where I was finally rooted for the first time. So I'm recording this in, I guess, my first home. Like I've been I've moved eight times over the past eight years, right? Very tumultuous kind of like living journey. And, you know, I had just moved into a permanent home. I think like about two months before I reached out to you. And the lead up to that was, you know, I was an astrologer. I had been a full-time astrologer for about like two years at that point, but I felt like I was falling out of love with the craft. Now I realized different, which I will share later. It wasn't that I was falling out of love, but I was kind of outgrowing the container that I had put myself in, right? So I was like, I thought I was just an astrologer and kind of discarded every other identity and hat I had worn, you know, in the years prior to that, which I realized is something that, you know, women like me tend to do. So I had basically discarded my past selves. I had basically found myself in a place of rooting for the first time in a very long time. And so I guess in that inner instability contained by that external stability, I was finally able to invest in myself. And so I think that was the you know a very rich combination of the two things that led me to to reach out to you.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Yes. Okay, so there's like certain conditions that were like finally in place after a lot of moving around.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

You're finally rooted and you're finally ready.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Yeah, and I love what you say there about the kind of like obviously now you have the the the the privilege of the wisdom of today, but back then you were like, you know, there's this, you're like boxed in by this identity of the astrologer. Yeah. And can you remember, you know, like what you were longing for? Like what what did that version of you deeply want?

SPEAKER_04 7:26

So on paper, I had said I wanted structure, yeah, but I realized what I was really longing for was authority, or I think specifically sovereignty, which is a big, big piece of the work that we had done through self-trust. Yeah, realizing that literally the answers do not exist outside of me and all the ways that I had been, I guess, disempowering myself, saying that, oh, you know, like I'm in this new house now, I am trying to rebuild my life now, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And it was just this kind of almost like this cyclone of thoughts just constantly like ripping through my head. Like, I don't know, I don't know. I confuse, I don't know. But it's like, do I really not know? Or did I just need it to clear the noise and drop back into my knowing, which is honestly a very big part of the work we did together.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

And I know so many women will relate to that, and we'll talk more about that because that like coming back to trusting yourself over and over again is such a big part of the work. And I had this, I have this real memory of, you know, I remember that first conversation we had, that you know, beautiful deep dive we had to begin. And then I remember, you know, that you were, you know, there was so much clarity. You were like, I feel so clear that I want to be there. There was like a lot of fear, and it was like a difficult thing to do and like show up and support yourself and invest in yourself. And you know, I remember it being a really big thing. And so can you just share a bit more about that? Because I think people other listeners are really going to relate to the feeling of like you, you, you're ready, but there's also there's just so much that you need to sort of work through to actually take the leap into getting support.

SPEAKER_04 9:19

So lately I've been really sitting with the idea of initiation. I think I can't attribute it to a specific person, but I think it's just been going around the spiritual community. And it's kind of like you can't really initiate yourself. You need an elder, not necessarily by age, but an elder in terms of someone who has lived the experience that you wish to live through to initiate you into the experience. And I'm getting chills as I say this because I think the the tipping point of what made me say yes to you, Liv, is that you were so open in your journey of kind of having like burned down your life in Paris and then you know, moving home, like choosing to rebuild a life that was more true to you. And, you know, I think seeing that and knowing that this woman has done it, this woman has walked through this fire. And, you know, I felt like I was in that starting point and I needed to be kind of like initiated into that journey. And so honestly, I really cannot tell you. I think I even wrote it in the forum. I was like, I don't know why I'm saying yes. And it was just like a very like, you know, but but I have to give the disclaimer that I had spent, you know, years learning to trust my intuition for smaller things. And I remember like the big mover was like I had already admitted to myself I'm ready to invest in myself. And it was like the first time that I was investing in myself at that amount. And it was like, how do I kind of like acknowledge that, but also hold myself? And I realized at that point that was my responsibility. I needed to hold myself through the fear of crossing the threshold because I knew that the initiation was waiting for me. Oh, I remember now that was a very specific moment. Because I'm an astrologer, I work in six month cycles, and I still remember the day I said yes to the deep dive with you as the new moon. So my astro girlies will know you will see kind of like the results of it in the six months time at the full moon. So I remember very clearly thinking to myself, if I let this opportunity go, the same way that I would have let many opportunities go in the past out of my fear. Do I want to be in the exact same position that I am now six months later at the full moon? Yeah, it was a very visceral image. And I remember like, fuck now, of course I don't want to be here. Like the discomfort of like, you know, just like I was already like trying to break free of the cuckoo, and I was like, I'm ready, let me out. I just don't know where to go. Yeah, so I think that was the tipping point for me.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

I don't want to lose details. I I so understand, you know, where you're like, you're on the edge, right? You're on the edge of saying yes to something that you know is gonna change your life, you don't know in what way, you're like hoping for something where you're like, I don't know, but I'm feeling really cool to this. Yes, and you know, there is gonna be that part that doesn't necessarily want that change and is gonna be like, well, we can just carry on, you know, we could just carry on, we could just see where we are, and then at some point, sometimes, and and not everybody can listen to this voice. And so that there's something here in your own leadership here of leading yourself and actually listening to that voice that says, No, we're actually not prepared to be in the same position in six months' time. We're we're we're ready now. We're not gonna let it now, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:51

Yeah, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very true.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

We're gonna measure, we're gonna be like, Do I want to no, I don't. And so I'm the only option is I'm gonna dive in over here. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, do I want to be? No, oh damn it. It's like we get checkmaked and we're like, oh god, shit, I have to do it. I really felt that way with spirit, and I was like, fine, I'm just gonna do it. And I love that because it's so authentic, and you know, I think that is such a sign. Like I personally, as somebody that holds others, and I know you hold others as well. I find that moment of somebody crossing that threshold, and as you say, it is something you need to take responsibility for. Like the invitation is there, come on in, right? I'm a yes, come on in. But the but the person has to be willing to hold themselves through the that first initial initiation, and it is so a part of like almost it it's like that test of like, are you gonna show up when this is difficult, when it's not sort of black and white and obvious what's gonna happen? Like, how will you be then? And and no one can do that work for us. Like, you know, no coach is there to do that for you. The coach is there to hold the mirror, container, invite you in, hold the stage, be with you while you're there, be like, I'm with you. But you have to get yourself over that line. And I find that the clients that have the experience that you had at the beginning and they're able to move themselves across, have those powerful journeys once they step in because they they have felt the cost of the transformation already. They're like, Okay, it's cost me something, you know. I had to change the door, I couldn't just walk in as the same person that I was even last week. Yes, right? I've already had to change. Yes, yeah, and that's like you're putting your chips on the table and saying, like, I'm gonna bet on myself here and and I'm gonna work for this. And yeah, and and I really remember that about you at the beginning, and I remember it being so honest, and you know, the the the the experience was, you know, and that is how you are to work with, you know, you're incredibly transparent and you're incredibly honest, like just gonna say this is what's coming up for me right now. And that creates a lot of trust, right? Like you're building trust as well, but we're also building trust together. Yeah, and so when a client is really honest with me about, you know, we've got some stories, we've got some fears, some hesitation, great, you know, we can talk about that, work with that.

SPEAKER_04 15:25

Yeah, you can talk about it without having like to make the other person responsible for it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Yeah, he had a powerful entry, he came in hot. Yeah. And you know, once we kind of, you know, once we kind of got into the work together, like what surprised you about, you know, when we first started working together, like can you remember what surprised you the most in the initial stages?

SPEAKER_04 15:59

I think the experience of me for the first time not wanting to invite anybody else into the experience. So I'm usually someone that's very maybe perhaps even over-communicative. Like I would, you know, like after the first session, if it didn't, you know, feel right or whatever, like I wouldn't like talk to the best friend, you know, I would talk to, you know, the other mentors, whatever, right? Like I would kind of like externalize the experience. But I remember feeling just genuinely so confused because the ego or the mind that I had coming in was like, okay, we are going to address essentially from an imagery perspective, I thought we were going to address the the top half of the ground. Like I thought we were gonna address the structural part because that's what I felt uh as someone who had been like recently diagnosed with ADHD, I was like, okay, I thought we were gonna deal with like the structure, you know, teach me to make money with my business or whatever, right? But then having said that, yes, and kind of not knowing what was to come, realizing that the journey was actually much, much deeper. And because I had not invested in such a kind of like powerful long-term one-on-one container before, I didn't realize that the work was actually underground or subterranean, right? And so because I myself was confused by the experience, I also intuitively knew I shouldn't share it with anyone, which turned out to be fantastic because it really allowed me to come into the experience through my own lens without like outsourcing my, you know, for example, let's say if I had shared about it with my mom, and my mom was like, Oh my god, what do you mean she's asking you to like, you know, just rest or like she's just asking you to like listen to your body and you're paying so much money. She's a she's a hack, you know, like stopping her immediately. Like, I can I can totally imagine my Asian mom saying that, right? So I kind of intuitively knew like this had to be my own journey. Yeah. So I would say that's probably what surprised me the most that it wasn't just at the start that I had to hold myself through it, but I was literally learning to hold myself through it, the whole thing, even if I didn't understand the process or like what was to come.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Yeah. Oh, so beautifully put. Yeah, yeah, so beautifully put.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

I love that word subterrain, you know, like it's true, you know, we do have to kind of go beneath the surface and sort of move things around and deconstruct things underneath before the change sort of manifesting externally. And it's very common to be impatient in that process and be like, nothing's happening, nothing's happening, nothing's happening, nothing's happening. And it's just the process, and you know, that that you know, I love the way you frame framed it because it that part of like, you know, I'm just gonna keep this for me, I'm gonna protect this process, I'm gonna contain it, boundaries, you know, that's really a beautiful gift, right? And it and it just sort of demonstrates you taking something seriously, yeah. And yeah, and I and I think that's a beautiful quality. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:05

It was really learning, like me, it was still meta in that way, like the whole journey was essentially you teaching me to hold myself through me holding myself. Like and I think that is the greatest gift because that is something that I had never learned, right? Like, you know, if I can just go in a quick segue, like as women, or maybe specifically, I don't know if this is a universal like experience, but for Asian women specifically, we are taught from a very early age to outsource everything. We're taught to like, you know, always ask your teacher, your mentor, your expert, your partner, your family, your friends. Like literally everyone has to have an opinion, right? And as a result, you lose sight of what the true inner voice or inner knowing or inner sovereignty is. And so my journey with you, it brought me home to myself and my body in a way that I genuinely had not experienced, probably ever. And it was literally simply through the act of you saying, slow down, you know, like just sit with that and okay, like you know, and you would give me like very specific things, but it's like bye, you're on your own. And instead of seeing it as like, oh no, I'm being abandoned here, it's like, you know, just using that same mindset of okay, I think I'm really being like initiated here into learning to hold myself through this, yeah, right, in a way that again, like I said, I had never experienced before. And so I think that was the the real the real key for me.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Yeah. It really like reminds me of you know what I believe is is the true cycle of womanhood and nature of womanhood, and that's why I love this work so much, because you know, we are sort of culturally, and you know, I I have more of a Western influence, but it's somewhat similar in the sense of you know, we're supposed to just sort of figure this out, no one's really teaching us how to do this, and we're sought to taught to outsource to all these external things and markers of success, markers of sort of worth. And you know, the the the women that have held and guided me to initiate, hold myself, internal awakening of I've got myself. Yeah, I trust me, I trust what I feel, I can slow down and make a decision for me. That's all been taught shown through the embodied wisdom of other women holding me through that. And so it's so beautiful to hear you say that this is what we're all doing here, you know, what this is a walk of me to home situation, right? And it's not saying, hey, you need me forever, girl. Like I'm saying you're a powerful woman, and like, hey, you know, these are this is like the trend. Training and the reps for life where we learn how to be with ourselves when life's happening, right? And we're freaking out. And we're like, oh my God, help, help, you know. And then it's like, no, actually, what would it look like here to just slow down? Perhaps I have more choices than I thought. Yeah.

unknown 22:19

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

I have a show here than I have been told I have. Like it's that sort of discovery. And I can so remember, you know, you sharing more about your background. And I would love, if you're comfortable, to talk a little bit more about the context of your life, because I know there was a big theme for us around you feeling like you had to perform strength for most of your life. And then this was a shift into like a different kind of strength, and like there was no performance. And so when you I you know, I remember you talking about like you as a young child, and and and I would love to just ask a little bit more about that. Like, what was it like for you growing up being encouraged to, you know, maybe perform more than what you had to give, or you know, even as an adult in business and you know, all the years prior to this?

SPEAKER_04 23:16

I think that's why the whole idea of unshaming evolution or like unshaming personal evolution is I think now looking back through the lens I have right now, I had to perform not just strength, but like basically perform a version of me that had my shit together in society's eyes because the bigness or the fullness or the multidimensionality of who I truly am could never fit just one description. And again, in Asian society, we are expected to, you know, just have the very fixed titles of like wife, mother, corporate slave, whatever, right? And it's like if you are anything beyond that, then like people can't place you. They can't understand how to relate to you. You literally feel like you have no place in society. And I felt that not just in society, but in my family, right? Like as the black sheep, you know, I was very loud and rambunctious with my ADHD. But at the same time, I have a very, very deep, sweet, sensitive soul. And like all these paradoxical parts of me coexisted, but I genuinely did not know how to bring all of me to the table. And so I felt like in any situation, I was always wearing a mask, right? And I always had to perform something because, you know, in a rambunctious situation, when I'm the life of the party, the deep sensitive side has nowhere to go. But when I'm deep and sensitive, then people are like, wait, how do I reconcile that with, you know, the performer Gwen? So it's like, yeah. And I think this continued because I kept putting myself in situations, you know, growing up when I tried to start my first company, you know, and I was like putting myself in all these like kind of like investor or like startup situations where I literally had to perform competence, right? I had to like pretend like, yeah, like, you know, I'm a, you know, like professional lady, right, at 19 years old. And so just like continuously putting myself in situations where I had to just project a certain image, I would say, of myself. And I think that is what made me feel so constrained by honestly myself. Like I had put these restrictions, is that the right word, on myself of like, how do I actually show up? How do I actually present myself? And so because I got so used to like playing these parts when I actually did need help, or when I actually did, you know, like want to show vulnerability or like build relationships, I didn't know how to turn that off. And so it was like I was authentic, but I was only authentic to the extent of the part of me that I was showing.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

Right.

SPEAKER_04 26:12

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Does that answer the question?

SPEAKER_04 26:16

I feel like I went into a um, no, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

I I think that what it what it makes me think about is like like that can make it very difficult to receive support, as you say. Like you're it's harder to access that vulnerability when you're used to, you know, presenting a particular part role mask to the world. And it is extremely courageous work to unmask, to put down that performance. It's not easy work, and you know, I don't think it's ever really over fully because the I think the world expects that of us. Um, and especially as women, I think this is complex for us. You know, there's a lot of expectations of like how we're supposed to be. Um it's so I so relate to what you're saying and this kind of learning to be held, softening from that sort of strength or that sort of identity, and and actually allowing, you know, yourself to be more supported is is a big step. And I'm I'm curious, you know, I know we have talked about this, like what it was like for you initially. I remember you being like, God, you know, just to be on the other side of being coached and like, oh my god, like I'm the one, I'm being seen, and yeah, the one being supported. And I know we talked about that in the in the beginning, like, this is for you. Yeah, you get to be here and receive. Yeah. And you were like, This is this is a new experience for me. So just I'd love to, you know, to share if you feel comfortable sharing a little bit more about like, you know, the what was it like to be supported in this way? And and what have you learned about yourself in being allowing it to be something that you you you know, you know, you let it in. You really let it in.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

I think it's it's coming back to trust for me, because you were so open in your multidimensionality. I was able to trust that all those parts of me could be held. Yeah. I think that's a very big part for me specifically, because it's like, yeah, I can find a coach that's maybe very good at X and very good at Y, but could that, you know, could that coach hold me in all of my alphabets, right? In all of my range. And I think it's come back coming back to that again. Like the work of learning to be held has taught me that I needed to learn how to hold myself first. I needed to learn how to accept myself first. And I could only do that through, I think what psychologists call unconditional positive regard, meaning I could bring anything to you, like all my shit, like all the, like you said, all the messiness at the start of like, yeah, I actually, you know, I think we're a hack. I don't want to invest in you or whatever. Like I could bring that to you, and you'd be like, I see you. It's okay, it's normal. And it's like that unconditional positive regard, which you know, again, many of us weren't given that in childhood or in our relationships. There's nowhere that we can actually bring all of these parts of us to the table, and so I think realizing that I was able to do that with you, of course, very slowly, right? It allowed me to then do that for myself too, right? Which is the work again. Yeah. So it was like it was through the mirror of being held finally that I was like, damn, how many other places have I not been doing this for myself?

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Right.

SPEAKER_04 29:53

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Right. I think like something that I really believe is is like, you know, it takes time to build that trust between us. And I never start a container with someone or a journey and be like, you have to trust me fully right up the front. You can't do this. Like you have to trust to the amount that you're willing to say yes and surrender to do the container and like agree. We have an agreement, this is what we know what we're signing up for. And that trust in the relationship is relational and it is built over time through every interaction we have, through every wobble, through every breakthrough. And it's earned. It's not something that's just guaranteed at the front door. I think it's something I think it's something that you build. And and I, and as you say so beautifully, like, you know, it's sort of the word I would use is this reciprocity of like the more you trust to be held by the person in front of you, the more you're also learning to hold yourself. And then, you know, you're those two things are building on one another. And you know, I've seen in in many of my clients and in my own journey that this tends to have a profound impact, a ripple outside of the container in your other relationships. Like, have you seen that? Like your capacity growing to receive, like, have you seen that impact outside of the work, like in your relationships, in your real life?

SPEAKER_04 31:12

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I think, but again, it's it was always back to the self, I feel for me, because you enabled me to be more of myself and me learning to embrace that, like just showing up as is, just showing up as me, then enabled me to bring that whole self to my other relationships, like to my family, to my friends, right? And actually, even ironically, like as time has gone by, like this is the you know, the in-between that we had not come into contact, I broke my foot. Oh, and so I yeah, I broke my foot, and I'm only just now again coming back into the fold, right, of my community. And again, me realizing how much I had been again overgiving in the past, and then realizing that, okay, you know, if all of my priorities are naturally shaped around what other people expect of me, how do I actually, you know, again, come back within and find out what do I actually want to do with this one wild and precious life, right? Like, do I really want to have my schedule dictated by, you know, my community or my friends or everything else? Because I kid you not, live like my entire schedule cleared out completely when I broke my foot. And the only thing left on the agenda was, you know, the containers that I had already committed to, and literally my own self-work, like working with myself, working on my business, coming back into myself. And so it was like, yeah, I realized now, wow, the universe will really just give you the relationships that you are meant to work on. And if you feel like there's an imbalance in your relationship, most likely it has to do with your relationship to yourself. So you gotta come back in and see if not the universe is gonna break your foot.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

It is so true. It is so true. I did not know you broke your foot. Yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 33:14

It's okay, it's it's healing. Yeah, I think I'm about almost two months in at this point.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

And so, yeah, so wow, it's so interesting the way we're like, you know, what I hear is just more slowing down, yeah, more space. And sometimes we need a little force, yeah, you know, we need a little like intervention from the outside to say, you know what, there's a little more, you know, resting to be done, a little more like recalibration to be done internally. And I think this is a nice segue actually to speak about your relationship with your body, because I know that was something that we talked a lot about.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

And the foot is you know, it's so interesting. The foot, the broken foot, you know, the base of the body. What do you remember? Like, if there's anything significant that jumps out for you about like what was your relationship before you came into the container with your body specifically?

SPEAKER_04 34:11

Oh, I could talk about this for hours. I feel like this was the biggest realization for me. And it's such a big part of your magic, Liv, of teaching women to attune to their bodies as the most almost like the most sacred guidance part of you, right? Like again, you know, speaking to my experience of literally outsourcing everything to everyone else, right? Like, okay, I have this commitment. So my body is exhausted, for example. But I have the commitment. You know, I'm a congruent woman. Aren't I supposed to show up for my commitments? So again, that shame, right? Of like not honoring my like my quickness and my multidimensionality and how quickly that things can shift for me. I could be a yes one second ago, but you know, as I feel deeper into my body, I realize, you know what? That's actually not in alignment. But then can I then honor the congruence of learning to honor that new no, essentially, right? And so much of our work together was around that. I remember you just always asking me to like, you know, tune into the natural rhythms of the body, right? I remember you giving me permission to have slower mornings, right? Or like to pour into myself first. And again, as a you know, long time socialized workaholic, I was like, what do you mean?

unknown 35:36

What?

SPEAKER_04 35:36

I can wake up and enjoy my coffee. You remember we talked about that? And then I can take a walk. Isn't that selfish? What about my clients, right? And so I think you'll be very happy to know that, you know, just again through my foot, all of my structures are now completely body first. And I think I don't even work for like work for the first, like, you know, entire half of the day because I'm just so fully focused on like filling my cup and doing what I want. And then naturally I realize that gives me the energy that I need to actually do my deep work. So I'm doing so much more deeper work now than I did before when I was so like again following someone else's example of what a productive day is supposed to look like, right? Yes, which was not in alignment with my body at all.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Yes. I love that you bring this in because you know, that natural rhythm, you know, as women, we are cyclical beings and you know, we do not feel the same on a daily basis. And I do believe that a little structure is good, you know, we need a little guardrails to contain the beast and like sort of have life feel held. But I really remember that, you know, I remember those conversations we had of, you know, what if the body was guiding?

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

You know, how would your day look? And, you know, what would you, you know, you know, when we're not honoring our actual capacity or our body's sensitivity or our body's needs to eat and rest and move and all the things, you know, we can, you know, we jam-pack the schedule and we just jump right into coaching. We haven't even had breakfast. And, you know, we go out all night and you know, we're so easy to lose connection and that work of returning home to the body and returning home to the natural rhythm of your body because your body is different to my body, even if though we're both women, right? You're gonna have more sort of natural rhythm of when your body likes to eat and rest and go out and do the right and create and write and do the things, right? We're all different, and so it is so big to take that on, you know. I remember, you know, take it on. Like, let's look at this, like let's look at what actually works for you. And so I'm so happy to hear that, you know, that's continued because that's the foundation of your creative life, your social life, your relational life. It's you and your well-being at the center, you know. I got eagle's nest, you know, like how we take care of our inner parts and our like most important parts has an impact on everything else in our lives.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

Yeah. I think that's my biggest takeaway from working with you because I feel like this is such an indelible part of my self-philosophy now. It's like whenever I'm lost, whenever I'm confused, I literally now I'm gonna cry. I just close my eyes and tune in within, like literally in the moment, drop in and it's like, what do you need right now? And some people are like, Oh, is it the inner child, is it the intuition, whatever. It doesn't matter, it's just going in and finding out what it is, and then honoring that, like you said, like that's the foundation. Don't shame it, don't try to override it, don't say like, oh, but I have ABCDE to do. No, right? If in that moment that is what you need, then that is what you need, and that's okay. Right. And like, and then how you connect it to, like you said, is the foundation of a creative life. Because ultimately, as women, we want all the things, right? We want the creative life, we want the business, we want the success, we want the family, want the romance, whatever. But I think you kept reminding me like this is literally where it all starts. Like, if you want all of that, you gotta start here, which is what confused me so much. Yeah, well, only focused on that, right? Well, like, okay, sure, whatever, I'll do the body thing, but what about this piece? Um, yeah, but yeah, but what I've realized is when you do this piece enough of the body, tuning in sovereignty, you know, which is also the work I do, as you know, then all the other pieces fall into place, but much slower than we thought. So slow. But but then I realized whatever then comes through is from an integrated place.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

Yes, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_04 40:02

I would actually love to talk about that because it's like I think as someone, you know, I think we talked about you're like, okay, now you're in the integration phase, right? You were like, okay, now you're integrating. And so sometimes I wonder, what does integration actually look like? I mean, maybe it's different from woman to woman. Yeah, but I'm so curious, like maybe what have you in the interviewee scene though. Like, what have you seen in like your you know, your clients? Like, what does integration actually look like? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

Well, first I want to just say that like everything you're saying is around, you know, what I would call sustainable power, like teaching women how to have the power, and maybe you've had tastes of it, and maybe you've had seasons of it in the past, but most women I work with have struggled to maintain it, struggle to hold it, and it does all gen tend to lead back to the body. Like when the body can't hold it, when the body is neglected or overrode, it it you tend to have to go back and then attend to the body, and then you know, that's how health is accessed. So I would describe integration as again connecting back to the natural rhythm and cycles of transformation and expansion and evolution. So we did a lot of in our journey, you know, during our three months, we did a lot of expansion. Yeah. So it was a lot of you know letting the mask fall away and letting all aspects of your being have a space and a voice in the room. It was slowing your life down, it was, you know, a lot of very intentional learning, growing, very intentional building of muscles. So imagine you're in the gym and you're doing like a three-month kind of training program of like learning how to hold yourself. That's no small thing. That requires a kind of constant growing. Yeah, and so what once you're kind of like you've had enough of new information and new skills, yeah, like I'm full and I'm ready to take a couple of months to integrate everything I've learned. So the integration phase kind of looks like you're just you're repeating. Yeah, you've been just yeah, you're waking up every day, you're maybe doing the same, same, same things. You're not necessarily seeking growth and growth and growth and growth, you are processing through everything that just happened. Yeah, right. And and and I and I find that if you follow if you're more connected to the natural rhythm of your own body and your natural rhythm of you know, even what you were saying with your six-month arc that you tend to follow with astrology, chances are in that six-month arc, you're gonna have like a big peak, and then you're gonna have like a come down back down to integrating. And and the integrating looks like you're settling into this new body, this new identity. You're you're you're letting what's changed like land fully. And I think if we constantly seek just growth and growth and growth, and we want peak experience and more, more, more, more, more, nothing tends to stick. And then it can become very exhausting and very, it can be very, what do you call like uh unsustainable and and actually can be just detrimental to what you want. And so you mentioned earlier that a part of my journey that had resonated with you, and I I actually hear this a lot in the last six months with clients coming is the journey of Paris and coming home. And like if anyone watched me in Paris, you probably saw you know a long period of a lot of expanding. And then when I came home, it was a long period of of integration, so you know, a lot quieter. Right. I was a lot more inward and it was a lot less to say. And I was letting everything that happened digest, land, metabolize, and then in there I'm cultivating the power for the next now. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So that does that make sense? Do you have any questions about it? More questions.

SPEAKER_04 44:24

Yeah. Okay. Like something that's coming through for me is, you know, a new thing that I'm giving myself permission to explore is human design. And it's something that, you know, I have been kind of following. And I was like alluding to that in my bio, right? As a manifesting generator, the amount of time I need to integrate actually varies. And it's usually much faster than what I suspect. I suspect you're a projector. I don't know your human design.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

But but like I think I'm actually not a projector. I'm yeah like big ones that's everyone's the same. I think I'm a generator. Generator. I think I'm just a straight up generator, but I'll have to double check. Okay, definitely not a projector. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:03

Okay. Okay. But it's like, you know, everyone has different cycles of how long they need to integrate. And I think because you were like composting such a huge era of your life. So the other, like the equivalent era was like so much, I guess, like smaller by comparison. Like you were digesting, you were, you know. But I've realized, like, you know, I from my experience, when I left the very, very rich, expansive one-on-one mirroring container with you, I definitely wasn't ready for another one-on-one container. But as you know, I joined a group container, which then allowed me to kind of like start to express in very safe experimental ways the ways that my identity had expanded and it allowed it to solidify through those experiments, which is very manifesting generator of me. And then by the end of the container, and I didn't expect it, I didn't have this goal because you had taught me to not kind of like put milestones or goals on things. So I was just kind of along for the right. But very magically, like this new iteration of self, this solidification of self, which I guess would be considered integration, emerged as that container ended. And so it was so beautiful to give myself that space without any expectation, knowing that permission slip you had given of it's just integration. And it takes the amount of time it takes.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Yes, that is such a great example of really solid integration, like the difference like you know, a high touch one-to-one where we're, you know, there's a lot of one-to-one reflection and feedback, sort of guidance. And then being like, I know I'm not ready for the next, like, I know I need a break from that, going into a group that is the perfect integration. As you say, you're getting to to to to to practice. I love that word experiment. Like, you know, you you've opened all these boxes, and you're like, now have a playground to play in, like, see what's landing, what feels right. Like, that's a beautiful way of integrating the work. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:20

And and I don't think I would have had the trust in my body and that muscle, it's almost like a muscle, like alluding to what we were talking about before, the ability to say yes and to invest, right? Like we were talking about the scariness of that. I think if I hadn't done that work with you, I would not have had the again that you know, inner knowing of saying yes to this next integration step, which turned out to be perfect.

SPEAKER_02 47:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:45

Like the time was so good, right? And there was no way I would have actually, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

So it's yeah, it was again. I I remember when I remember you telling me, you know, what it was, and it was like this kind of off, I was like, this is perfect. Yeah, and it's such a great sign of like the right thing coming along at the right time, right? The right opportunity coming along at the right time, and trusting the emergence. I love that word as well, you know, letting things emerge, letting things arrive. And then this like phase of of you know, you said you got to the end of this and things are just emerging. And so let's talk about that. Because I know that you've had you know, there's some been some big things happening in your world in this past few weeks, and so um, you know, what what has been emerging? Like, what do you want us to know about, you know, where you've arrived at the end of this integration period?

SPEAKER_04 48:39

Oh, I'm gonna cry again. Yeah, like I have reached a point in my journey where I have just literally, and I don't say this lightly, such deep, deep reverence for my past selves. Like like never before. And you know, I share this quite openly. Like, I used to struggle a lot with like self-hate, you know, like depression. My teenage years were some of the hardest years in memory. But then, like right now, as I'm in this, I would say, I guess, re-emergence journey of well, first of all, reclaiming my name, right? So I had let go of my old username, the Asian astrologer, and kind of like just come out to the world as I am Gwen Yi, and just like owning my name and in that act, owning the multidimensionality of who I am, you know, yes, I'm an astrologer, but I'm also a mentor, I'm also a coach, I'm also a writer, I'm a creative, I'm a swing dancer, you know, I'm like all of these things, right? And it's like instead of compartmentalizing or like trying to choose again, like which parts of me to show at this moment, it's like, can I just be okay with, you know, just showing all of me, owning all of me? And I think that act has not only given me permission to explore other curiosities like human design, like, you know, because in the past I've been like, Oh, I'm an astrologer, why am I doing this other thing? You know, I'm just yeah, stay in my lane. You know, I'm like, you know, the world is my oyster, the world is my lane, right? And it's that, but also like magically, because I'm owning myself, so who is myself? It's all the past means, all the supposed mistakes and you know, past errors or errors, right? All the past like U-turns and and and and you know, the like I was look transferring all of my kind of like photos from the past into a new hard drive. I didn't expect to do that during this time, but again, everything emerges at the right time. And so I came across all these like pictures from my old blog when I was like 14, 15. And when I was looking through these photos, I was just literally overcome with like this deep love for my younger self. Like it's like unthinkable. I was like, just like like this, like like smiling at my screen like a crazy woman. Because I was just like, oh, she's so precious, she's so precocious, you know, she's so smart, she's so witty, she's so sarcastic. Like all the things I hated about myself at that age, with the wisdom of my older self now, looking back at my younger self and genuinely feeling so much love for her. I'm not saying this to like, you know, like I genuinely feel love. And I told my mom, and she started crying because she's like, I know how hard it was for you to love yourself. She's she keeps asking me, like, what have what's happened? Like, how did you change? And I'm like, I don't know. I just started investing in myself, right? I started like seeing myself as someone worth investing in, and through that process, started owning myself, started loving myself, started like like bringing all the parts of me back to me. I'm whole, I'm whole, I'm full, you know. And it's like, it's almost like a reclamation process, not just my name, right? All these parts of me. But as I bring all of them back to me, I realized that possibly was like the missing piece of what holds a lot of women back from our next step, right? Our next era, our next, you know, uh level of success. I had always felt like my success was like capped at one point, but now I realize like, no, I can't kind of like attribute, you know, my current situation to the past because in the past I did not yet have all of these pieces of me back within me.

unknown 52:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:41

And it's like now that I am doing that, thanks so much to the work we had started together, you know, what is possible for me now when I can bring all of me to that journey?

unknown 52:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:55

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_01 52:57

I'm so touched and moved by your like beautiful expression here. And I just want to ask you like, what does feel possible? Like, what do you think? What is possible for you?

SPEAKER_04 53:11

I'm getting chills because it's like anything is possible. And I say that with like so much child, like joy, right? It's like, you know, I instead of like limiting myself to one tiny slide, I now have the whole playground, you know? And it's like I get to follow my authority, I get to follow like my whims and fancies and not see that as a bad thing, but instead see it as the very sacred guidance that it is, right? It's all in the body, it's all in the self, it's all in these little nudges that we get that we have been taught to distrust, right? Like exactly like what you said. This is the eagle test, this is the foundation. Listen to it, right? And if you can't hear it, get a coach, get a mirror, you know, someone who can show it back to you with so much reverence and respect. Because I feel like that's really what you did. Like you just held up a very neutral, sacred mirror for me, which I've realized that's all we need as women. We just need someone to help us like get out of our bullshit and see our true sovereign selves. That's it.

SPEAKER_03 54:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:22

Simple but not easy, but like that's it.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

Yeah, it's such gorgeous wisdom, like what you're saying. And I'm in full agreement. It is so powerful. And you know, I did want to ask, you know, if if you could, and you've kind of already answered it, but maybe there's more. Um, you know, if you were to go back to, you know, the woman who was sat there six months ago, and and maybe there's a woman listening to this that is that woman, like what would you say to her? Like, what does she need to know? What did you need to hear at that time?

SPEAKER_04 54:53

I wish someone had said this to me, which would have brought me a lot of comfort. If something is coming to you again and again that maybe in the past you haven't been ready for, because I don't know if I told you, Liv, like I wanted to work with you since 2021. Yeah, but I did not have the money. And I think even more than that, I didn't have the internal resources that would have allowed me to commit as you sit, right? It's like it's about you committing to yourself first. And so I feel like if there's something coming up and it's really not letting you go, it's like, it's just like you asked for it, you prayed for it, now it's here. You know, it's like I wish someone had told me things won't come up if you aren't ready. Right? Like the fact that you're like seriously considering this now, it means you're ready for this. And trust that if you are ready for this, and if it is in alignment with your highest good, you will get the whatever you need, right? The resources, the inner peace, the restructuring, whatever you want to call it. Like you will get what you need for you to complete that journey, for you to commit, right? But at the end of the day, the act of that commitment has to come from you. Yeah, you have to commit to yourself. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

Oh, so good, so good. And you know, you you you say it so beautifully. Like, I don't think I could have said it better than you've said it. Um, you know, and I hear that a lot. That, you know, some of the most beautiful journeys I've had with the women that have come in and I've had the privilege of walking with, including you, have been women that have been like, I have been wanting this for a really long time. I have trusted the journey and all the steps and my own readiness, and like here I am now. And I love that. I think that is perfect. I think that timing is everything, and sometimes it is about you know, really being patient. And and then, as you say, when that time does come, sometimes it is worth listening to, you know, if something keeps coming to you, like absolutely, you know, probably for you.

SPEAKER_02 57:09

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:14

So one last question before we talk a little bit about you know what you're up to and how people can find your amazing work and and find you on on on online. So you I don't know if you remember this, but you asked me on my birthday. I think we must have had a session like on my birthday this year. And you asked me, when do I feel the most powerful? And I want to ask you that question.

SPEAKER_02 57:37

Like, when do you want to feel the most powerful?

SPEAKER_04 57:44

When I'm allowing truth to move through my body, yeah. Like right now, like truth is just pouring from my throat. That's also my human design. And it's like when I just allow it to happen, when I give myself spaces where you know I can meet myself and someone else can meet me at this level of frequency, this is when I feel the most powerful because I own what I say, and I trust that what I say will make a difference in someone else's life.

SPEAKER_00 58:13

Yes. Gorgeous, gorgeous.

SPEAKER_01 58:18

And that is such a gorgeous segue into your work because, you know, as you've already mentioned, you know, you're a mentor, you're a coach, you work with women, you're an astrologer, and you're also an amazing writer. I have the privilege of reading your writing. And so, what do you want us to know about where you're at? You know, you're in this sort of comeback moment, this emergent moment, you know, big new identity coming out. And and what's on the menu right now? How can people find your work? And what do you want us to know about you know what you're currently up to?

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 58:48

So, in the interest of not giving too much away, I would say the biggest excitement right now is just again in owning all of me. It's also like reclaiming my name, right? So when ye.com used to be a personal blog that I've had for many, many years, but now I'm reclaiming that as you know, this is my hub. This is where all my writing will live, you know, all my offerings will live. I do want to continue working one-on-one with women, but I'm also, you know, being drawn to working with women in a longer term capacity, because as I've learned from our work together, this kind of transformation only really happens in a longer journey together, right? So I would say if you are a woman listening to this and you are on the edge of your own next evolution, and you are looking for someone to walk with you in owning all of you, you know, like like in deep reverence of all your past selves, right? And bringing that into kind of like a congruent identity of who you are now and where you're going. I think that is the work, you know, I do. That's the work Liv does, right? Like we all bring our own flavor to these things. But I would say, yeah, specifically, if you know you resonate with any one of us, like this is absolutely something that I would love to journey with you on.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:10

Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:14

Well, we'll have links in wherever you're listening to this, whether it's Substack or YouTube, Spotify, Apple, there will be links. So you can find Gwen's beautiful work and like what a lovely invitation. And I know that so many women are on that cusp, right? So many women are on that cusp of you know, knowing that something is changing. And you you've spoken so beautifully today about the power of the mirror and the power of being coached and the power of being held and guided. And and yeah, so for anyone listening to this that's you know deeply resonated with Gwen's story, please reach out and and find her and definitely follow her online on Instagram. I think you you're an amazing creator online. Like you are just so vivacious and interesting and thoughtful about the way you show up. I feel I feel like you're a real master of that craft. So yeah, please follow, follow Gwen. And if you're listening to this and you want to work with me, you're thinking, okay, like I want to be in Gwen's shoes, like I want to be guided through my own journey with Live, then the first step is to book a deep dive. That's where the journey begins. So I will have that link as always in the show notes if you are ready for that. Okay, well, it has just been amazing. And and I just love you so much, and I'm really deeply honored that we got to do this together. And may you continue to soar, my girl. May you continue. Thank you so much. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:45

I wanted to, yeah. This this sentence dropped in. It's something I want to leave with the audience. Yeah, you are worth waiting for. Yeah, you are worth waiting for. So just wanted to, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:02

End with that. Yeah. And with that, that is gorgeous.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:06

Thank you. Okay, everyone. Thank you so much for listening, and we will see you next time.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:16

Bye.