#12 Is It Time to Night Wean? A Gentle Approach for Babies and Toddlers

In this episode, I talk about night weaning, what is developmentally normal at different ages, and how to approach this transition in a calm and supportive way. I also share my own personal experience with night weaning and why this stage can bring so many mixed emotions for mothers, especially when balancing exhaustion, attachment, and letting go 🤍

✨ Join the upcoming Gentle Sleep Solutions Workshop:
https://www.mymamadreams.com/gentlesleepsolutionsworkshop

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The most important is to offer cuddles and resurrection instead. And consistency. I always talk about that, but consistency is very, very important. Because if one night you say no and the next the next night you offer the breast again immediately because you felt it's too much, you can't do it, it becomes confusing for you, baby. So once choose a time that is right for you, that you will feel strongly emotionally, mentally strong enough, and try to stay calm, consistent, and connected. Welcome to my mama dreams. I'm Anna, a Jula gender sleep coach and lactation consultant based in Barcelona, empowering families worldwide through pregnancy, breastfeeding, and baby sleep. In this podcast, I'll work with you through the deep transformation of motherhood so you feel hurt support through the unknown and inspired to keep dreaming your own beautiful life. I created this space especially for families who feel a little bit far from home. I'm from Barcelona but lived in London for over 17 years where I had my babies. I understand what it feels to give birth and raise babies in another country, in another language, culture, and sometimes feel overwhelmed or alone. Here you will find gentle support, honest conversations, and practical guidance to help you feel calmer, more confident and empowered, not only as a mother, but as a woman who continues to dream and growth. I'm so happy you're here. Let's begin. And honestly, this topic touches me deeply because night winning is not only about sleep, it's not only about feeding, it's also about connection, attachment, change. And sometimes letting go, for some families, nine winning feels freeing, and for others it feels heartbreaking, and both feelings are valid because breastfeeding is not only nutrition, it is comfort, safety, regulation, love, connection, and when that changes, it can bring many emotions for the parent and also for the baby. So today I want to talk about when night being night when night winning might be appropriate, what is normal at different stages, different ages, and how to do it gently, and how to support both yourself and your little one emotionally through the process. And I also want to share a little bit more about my own story because I think sometimes it helps to know you're not alone in these feelings. So my own experience with night winning with my first baby, nine-winning actually happened quite naturally. He had a tongue tie, so breastfeeding was difficult from the beginning. And around five months we started introducing one bottle at night. Very gradually, he started preferring the bottle. And eventually he almost win himself from the breast when I went away for he was 10 months old and I went on a world trip for a week. Um I was away and expressing to maintain my supply, but when I came back, he just was happier with the bottle and didn't want the breast. And honestly, it was more upsetting for me than for him. I remember feeling emotional because I still wanted that connection, but at the same time I knew I wanted to have another baby. So maybe emotionally it felt a bit easier. I knew it wasn't necessary the end forever. But with my second child, everything felt totally different. Breastfeeding was beautiful, easy. It became one of the most special connections we had in life. The oxytocin, the closeness, the calm, comfort. I loved it deeply. And I knew this was my last baby, and that made everything much more emotional. I night with him when he was around one um year and a half old, but just during the night. I still was breastfeeding him during the day until he was about three and a half when he started school. And honestly, even taking um, even just talking about it now, it just makes me feel um a little bit emotional because I knew it was the end of an era. The last time I would experience that feeling, and I know for many mothers listening today, they will feel and they will understand exactly what I mean. Night winning can feel confusing, but sometimes you feel you feel two things at once. Part of you wants to continue forever, and another part feels exhausted, touched out, sleep deprived, drained, exhausted. And both can exist together. You can deeply love breastfeeding and still feel ready for more sleep. And you want more rest and still feeling feeling sad. Sad about reducing feeds and that is completely okay. So what is normal at different ages? Now, one of the most important things about nine winning is understanding what is developmentally normal because expectations matter so much. Newborns absolutely absolutely need fits, many feeds. Young babies digest the milk very quickly in their tummies, and they generally need those calories. So before around before 10 months old, most babies still need two feet, three, four, sometimes even more, especially breastfeeding babies, and this is normal. Now, around 10-12 months age, some babies begin to be able to reduce night feeds naturally. Maybe they only need one feed, or even maybe they don't need any feeds anymore. But every baby is different. Some babies are very hungry, some babies naturally eat more during the day, others prefer getting calories during the night. And this is where we need to look at the whole picture. How night fits and day fits connect. Yeah, so sometimes parents ask me, how do I get my baby to eat more during the day? And honestly, sometimes the answer is they need to reduce fits at night. And this is the first thing to do. Because if a daughter breastfeed many times overnight, they might simply not be hungry enough during the day. And this becomes a cycle. They snack during the day, all day long, they eat um little during the day just because they've been snacking and breastfeeding and having like little if they are ready, um toddlers, they might be eating a little bit more, but sometimes they just eat very, very little and they wake up hungry overnight. And sometimes, very, very gently, we need to help shift those calories back into daytime. And yes, at first your little one may feel frustrated because they are used to feeding overnight, but usually once night fits reduce, daytime appetite increases naturally. So the trick here is even though if your baby is hungry during the night, hold him or hair off a little bit, try to space out the fits. So rather than having three feets has two feets a night, or rather than four have three, or so on, and then over the next few days your baby will eat more calories during the day, like compensating this extra feet during the day, and so on the day after, or a few days after, you reduce some more of these night fits, so until he or she starts compensating during the day. So now the gentle approach to night winning, there are many ways to night win. Some approaches are very abrupt, very harsh, leaving your child alone to cry. And personally, that is not how I work because night winning is emotional. Your little one might feel upset, confused, frustrated, and they deserve support through that transition. Gentle night winning means or doesn't mean not crying at all, not crying ever, because your child might protest or might cry because they don't like the change and they might be genuinely hungry. So we don't need to reduce abruptly a lot of the fits, we'll do it gently, just some of the fits at the time. And and if your baby cry, that is normal, but it means you stay present, you support them, you hold the space for their emotions, you resure them, you guide them through the transition instead of abandoning them with it. So, how to start night winning? Usually I recommend doing this gradually, especially with breastfeeding. You might reduce one fit at a time, shorten fits gradually, offer comfort in other ways like cuddles or just um yeah, just feeling close to your baby and try to regulate your baby with with different ways. Increase the then you can need to increase the daytime fit, as I was saying, and have to non sometimes having the non-breastfeeding parent put your baby to sleep during the night might help, yeah, just overnight. Um, but yeah, important, most important is to offer cuddles and reassurance instead, and consistency. I always talk about that, but consistency is very, very important because if one night you say no and the next the next night you offer the breast again immediately because you feel it's too much, you can't do it, it becomes confusing for you, baby. So once choose a time that is right for you, that you will feel strongly uh emotionally, mentally strong enough, and try to stay calm, consistent, and connected. Then there is this factor, the full tummy association, something else I see very often. If babies um getting used to falling asleep feeling extremely full, and many parents think if I feed my baby more at night before going to bed, my baby will still sleep longer during the night, have longer stretches. And sometimes it does work, but sometimes the opposite happens because being overly full can actually disrupt sleep, just like adults. So it's important they have a good dinner, maybe an hour before going to bed, an hour and a half, or just some time before going to bed, so they have time to digest it, and then they can have a little bit of milk as well before going to bed. But just like adults, if we eat a huge heavy meal before bed, we might sleep worse, feel uncomfortable, restless, and babies can feel the same. So instead of focusing on stuffing calories before bedtime, it is usually much more effective to spread calories well through the day, balanced meals, balanced milk intake, and good daytime nutrition. And um, what about cereals in the bottle? I also hear this advice a lot. And honestly, sometimes it can actually make sleep much worse because babies might feel too full, gassy, uncomfortable. So, again, focus on overall daytime uh nutrition instead of overfeeding, overloading bedtime fits. Then what happens sometimes is the nappy leaks, yeah, and that can be a sign too. Another interesting sign. This is when toddlers start soaking through nappies overnight. Sometimes parents tell me the na the nappies licking every single night. And yes, they try sometimes to put a bigger size nappy. I've even heard people putting two nappies, or there's a lot of different tricks you can do to try the nappy to hold more liquid. But sometimes this simply means, well, always it simply means that they are drinking a very large amount overnight. And often this happens when toddlers still feeding many times overnight. So sometimes reducing liquids overnight can actually help. Sleep, comfort, and even reduce those constant nappy leagues because there is nothing more upsetting or annoying to having to wake up in the middle of the night, change bed sheets, or move to another bed, or do all of these nighttime chores that you don't really want to be doing when you are sleep-deprived and tired. So the emotional side of nine-winning, but again, I think the most important thing about nine-winning it is the emotional side because sometimes parents feel guilty or selfish for wanting sleep. And I really want to say this clearly: wanting rest does not make you a bad parent. Sleep matters, your well-being matters, your mental health matters, and sometimes improving sleep changes everything for the whole family. Parents become scalm, more patient, more present, and children benefit from that too. So when is the right time? Honestly, only you know when is the time feels right. Some families nine win very early, others much later. Some continue breastfeeding for years and others stop much sooner. That is no perfect answer. The important thing is what feels respectful for both for you and for your child. If you're thinking about nine winning, take your time, think about it, your baby's age, the feeding needs, your emotional readiness, your sleep levels, your support system, and remember, you do not you do not have to do this alone. Actually, there is something we will be talking about inside my gentle sleep solutions workshop happening at the end of this month. We'll talk about night wakings, sleep associations, gentle night winning, schedules, boundaries, sleep routines, and how to improve sleep gently and respectfully. So if this episode resonates with you, I would absolutely love you for you to join us. You can find all the information through my website at www.mymamadreams.com workshops, and you will see under workshops there is two workshops Birth and Baby Internetal Workshop, and the one that you want is the Gentle Sleep Solutions Workshop. And if you're currently in this phase at the moment, take a deep breath. Night winning can feel emotional because it matters, because breastfeeding is powerful because connection matters, and because transitions are not always easy, but your relationship with your child is so much bigger than feeding. The love stays, the attachment stays, the connection stays. You just change it to a different way of regulating your baby, connecting with your baby, even when breastfeeding journey changes. Thank you so much for listening, and I hope you have a lovely week. See you in the next episode!