#13 Understanding Newborn Sleep: Less Stress, More Confidence

In this episode, I talk about newborn sleep, what is actually normal during the early weeks, and why this stage can feel so overwhelming for many parents 🤍

I also share realistic expectations around newborn sleep, wake windows, overtiredness, sleep cues, and gentle ways to support your baby through this season with more confidence and less stress ✨

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Transcript

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When was your baby quiet when you were pregnant? When you walk, when you move, when you rock them. And when did many babies suddenly start moving? When you sit down, when you lay on the sofa in the evening, because movement stops, and the same pattern often continue after birth. Movement helps babies feel safer. It is familiar for them. It is regulating. That is why rocking works. Walking walks. Holding, swaying, and it's biology. Welcome to my mama dreams. I'm Ana, a Jula, gender sleep coach and lactation consultant based in Barcelona, empowering families worldwide through pregnancy, breastfeeding, and baby sleep. In this podcast, I will visit you through the deep transformation of motherhood so you feel hurt support through the unknown and inspired to keep dreaming your own beautiful life. I created this space especially for families who feel a little bit far from home. I'm from Barcelona but lived in London for over 17 years where I had my babies. I understand what it feels to give birth and raise babies in another country, in another language, culture, and sometimes feel overwhelmed or alone. Here you will find gentle support, honest conversations, and practical guidance to help you feel calmer, more confident and empowered, not only as a mother but as a woman who continues to dream and growth. I'm so happy you're here. Let's begin. If you're pregnant, if you have just had a baby, or if you are right in the middle of those exhausting newborn weeks, this episode is for you. Today we're talking about newborn sleep. What is normal, what is hard, what surprises most parents and what truly helps. Because the truth is, newborn sleep can feel very overwhelming. People might tell you, sleep now before baby comes, or get ready for sleepless nights. And yes, you hear it. But until your baby is actually in your arms and you don't fully understand what sleep deprivation can feel like. The broken nights, the short naps, the feeding, the rocking, holding, bouncing, the wondering if you are doing something wrong. And this is where you are. I want to tell you something important. You are probably not doing anything wrong. Newborn sleep is not broken, it is immature. Your baby is learning, and so are you. So today let's talk about what to expect, how to support your baby, and how to move through these early weeks with more confidence and less stress. First, I want to talk about realistic expectations. One of the biggest things I wish more parents understood is expectations. Because expectations shape everything. If you expect a newborn to sleep long stretches, to self-soothe independently, or to sleep deeply in the cod for hours, you might quickly feel worried or frustrated or like something is wrong, you know, doing something, um things right, but often nothing is wrong. Newborns wake often, that is normal. 30 minutes naps, normal, an hour and a half naps, normal as well. They all differ, they have different um mental different characters, different ways of developing in this life. So they feed often, that is normal, they need closeness, that is normal. They have tiny stomachs, very, very tiny, which means they need frequent fits, especially in the early weeks. Breast milk digests very quickly, which is wonderful, but it also means many babies feed often, sometimes every two or three hours, sometimes sooner, sometimes it's only been half an hour, and you need to feed your baby again. Sometimes they cluster feeding and they're constantly in your breast or on top of you, and it's the only way they're happy, sometimes unpredictably. So, yes, sleep deprivation is real and it can hit hard, especially if you're breastfeeding, because very often you become the main source of comfort, of foot, soothing, of regulation. You can feel beautiful, yeah, that can feel amazing and also exhausting. Both can be true. Some babies sleep longer stretches, some babies are naturally easier sleepers, but for many families, the season is really hard. So if it feels hard, that doesn't mean you're doing something wrong or that you are failing. It means you are in the newborn phase, and this phase will not last forever. Baby sleeps develop, nervous system mature, feeding changes. Your baby will feed maybe in five minutes rather than staying 40 minutes at the breast. Sleep patterns evolve and your baby will start having more predictable naps rather than be very radical, and it gets easier slowly, but it does. So why newborns sleep so differently? Let's understand why newborns sleep can feel so unpredictable because when parents understand this, so much anxiety reduces. Newborn's sleep is biologically different, their sleep cycles are shorter, the sleep is lighter, their nervous systems are immature, their circadian rhythm is still developing. They do not yet clearly know day from night. They are adjusting inside of the womb. Um, it was all different. They were warm, contained, rocked constantly. Every time you were walking, your baby was being rocked, protected from bright light, protected from loud noise, always closed, always held, always fed. Then suddenly they are born into a world of light, temperature changes, noise, hunger. They need to wait to fit, like they're not constantly getting fed with the placenta. They have a lot of space around, separation. That is a huge adjustment for them. So it makes sense that many babies crave movement, warmth, sucking, touching, holding. Um, they like the rhythm and the closeness. They are not trying to make life difficult, they are adapting to a new life for them. So now let's talk about wake windows. This makes a huge difference. Newborn can stay awake sometimes as little as 30 minutes, sometimes 45 minutes, maybe an hour, sometimes slightly more, but sometimes slightly less than that. So you need to watch your baby and remember that wake windows includes in between when they are awake, and that means when they are happily awake. I mean, of course they can stay awake for much longer, but when we talk about wake windows, we talk when they are happily awake, and it is between sleeps, and this during this time, which might be an hour, they need to feed, they need their nappy to be changed, they need cuddles, interaction and everything. So it's not just clay all the time. So what happens when they stay awake for too long? They can become overtired. And overtired, babies often struggle more. When baby becomes too tired, the body releases cortisol, a stress hormone. This helps the body stay alert, but it also makes sleep harder. Yeah, you may notice more crying, arching their backs, fuzziness, difficult difficult to settle them, short naps, false starts like when they keep waking, and sometimes parents think, My baby's clearly tired, why don't they sleep? Often because they pass the sweet spot. That's my sleep window. That it's very important to keep a close eye. So catching sleep early matters. Not perfectly, just gently. And and it's okay. Sometimes we miss the sweet spot and that's fine. But we need to be aware that it might take us longer to get our baby to fall asleep later, that our baby might be more fussy, more alert the whole day, and maybe not as happy. So let's talk about the sleep cues in order to prevent that. Yeah? Because babies often tell us, we just need to notice. Early cues would be like quietness, and this is a big one, quietness, yeah, steady into the space, reduced movement, less engagement, when they're looking away, you're looking at them in the face, and then they keep putting their face away from you. This is an early cue, but then when they start to yawn, rub their face or become fussy, they do jack movements, they start to get a little bit too tired. And when they start crying, arching their backs really hard, and it's super super difficult to soothe, then it's probably because they are overtired. And one common mistake parents think, oh, baby's calm, so now is the first sign of um when the baby's super still, which is the best time to put them to sleep because they're quiet, and that means they're starting to get into this nice drowsy moment when it's easier to induce sleep. But then what we think, oh baby's quiet, I can quickly have a shower, or maybe go make lunch, or I can do something else, and suddenly baby has missed the sweet spot, the sleep window, and they are overtime. And when you see early sign sleep cues, just pause, prioritize, prioritize your baby's sleep, and the laundry can wait, lunch can wait, dishes can wait, your baby nervous system matters, and that would make a huge difference if you pay attention to that. So, how do we help newborns fall asleep? Yeah, that's many parents ask me that. Should my baby just fall asleep alone? Sometimes yes, but often no. Many newborns need support to fall asleep, and this is normal. Many babies often settle breastfeeding, bottle feeding, rocking, swaying, sushing, skin to skin, in the carrier, with dummy, pacifier, or gently holding them. And why? Because babies love rhythm, they love movement, sucking, they have a very strong sucking reflex. Um, they like to be contained, they regulate their nervous system. It reminds them of the womb. So if your baby needs help, you are not creating bad habits, you are supporting regulation. The more overtight your baby is, the harder it is to settle him. Make sure he catches up with the slip so it starts to be easy to settle. Yeah, you can spend, I was saying that the other day to to a family I was talking to, that baby was super alert all the time, and I just said to her, just stay two days on the sofa, paying attention to sleep um cues, and just spend time allowing your baby to catch up with the slip. And once your baby has catch up and sleeps whenever it's tired because you're giving your baby all the support to sleep, then you can start looking at um putting him to sleep in his cot a bit more, uh, a bit easier. But if your baby is super alert, super um overtired, it's gonna be very difficult to settle your baby in the cot. First, you need to wait until your baby is a bit more relaxed and in a better um in a better sleep um rhythm. So think about pregnancy. When when were babies often quiet? Yeah, when was your baby quiet when you were pregnant? When you walk, when you move, when you rock them. And when did many babies suddenly start moving? When you sit down, when you lay on the sofa in the evening, because movement stops and the same pattern often continue after birth. Movement helps babies feel safer. It is familiar for them, it is regulating. That is why rocking works. Walking walks. Holding, swaying and it's biology. So now this is important. Responsive parenting does not mean reacting instantly to every single sound. Yeah, because sometimes babies grunt, stretch, moan, scream, whimper, they make all of these noises that does not always mean help is needed. Sometimes they they are transitioning between sleep cycles. Yeah, when they connect their little cycles, they might just make some noises to connect the next one. And sometimes they are settling, sometimes they are just still asleep. So pause, observe and listen. If baby's calm, wait. If baby is lightly freezing, just fusing and making some noises, pause briefly. If it's escalating, then you can respond. It gives baby the opportunity, at least it gives the opportunity, without abandoning responsiveness. Okay, because sometimes if you do nothing, your baby might settle back to sleep. And the surprises well, this surprises many parents, newborn and noisy sleepers, they make faces, they move their arms, smile, grunt, roll their eyes. Like they roll their eyes, and you think the first time I remember I saw my baby rolling their eyes as though there was something wrong, and it's just super normal. Yeah, it's queer. Even they are with their eyes briefly open, this can happen during active sleep, the rapid A movement, REM sleep. Yeah, because they move their eyes to consolidate memories that they have learned during the day. So they might still be asleep even if they have the eyes open, and if we immediately pick them up, we might accidentally wake them up. So if baby is not crying, pause, observe first. This alone can improve sleep massively because sometimes we just constantly break in their sleep cycles by waking them up all the time. So now, swaddling, another subject. Many parents ask me about that. Um many babies love swaddling. Why? Containment, pressure, warmth, security. It can reduce the starter reflex. Yeah, the reflex that we have, like when you sleep, and sometimes I don't know if it happened to you that you're having in a dream, like it feels like you're falling from somewhere, and then you move your arms. And this is called the starter reflex, and babies, newborns, they have it a lot, and that wakes them, their own arms wakes them all the time. Yeah, and and then when you swaddle them, you put the arms using a swaddle and make sure it does it's done safely, obviously, and always stop when your baby learns to roll over. Yeah, when your baby starts to roll over, don't swaddle anymore because they might roll over and and not be able to roll over back because their hands and arms are inside. So just try. Other babies prefer arms free, every baby is different and they don't like the swaddling. Just follow your baby, don't just give up because your baby cried first time, though. Because many babies they might be hungry the first time when you're swaddling or over tired. Give it a few more chances before deciding your baby doesn't like the swaddling because I hear that a lot of the times too, and maybe you they just need the chance to try again because that makes a difference if they don't wake themselves up with their hands, and anyway. What else? Something that happens also is um day and versus night sleep. Many newborns mix day and night, and it's very normal to gently support the rhythm. Yeah, natural daylight in the morning, it's important, fits in the daylight, normal household noises in daytime, and then frequent feeding, because if you feed them very often, every two hours or so, you're more likely to get like longer windows at night. So at night, dim lights, quiet voices, and minimal stimulation. So over time their body clock develops, yeah, and then they start to have their circadian rhythm um switched to during the day. They have like um shorter naps or longer naps, but they have naps, but then during the night they don't wake, they just wake to feed but they go back to sleep without having periods of being awake during the day. That this is what during the night, that's what we want to avoid babies having periods of being awake during the night. So make sure these little periods happen during the day. And one of the ways to do it is by feed them very often during the day when they are newborns. So now for the parents, I want to talk to you, especially the mother, especially breastfeeding. You matter too. Sleep deprivation is hard, hormones are intense, and recovery is real. So emotion emotions are big. Um, it can mess up a lot with us, the lack of sleep. So it's important we do look after ourselves as well. Ask for help, share tasks, um, rest whenever's possible, eat, yeah, iterate yourself, drink plenty of water, lower expectations too. Yeah, this is a survival and adjustment, not a productivity season. So if you're newborn only once contact, that can be normal. If they wake often, that can be normal too. If they need rocking, that can be normal. If it feels hard, that can also be normal. You are not failing, your baby's learning. And this phase passes slowly and gently, step by step. So if you do think you need some help figuring out what's happening with your family, with your dynamics, with your newborn, feel free to schedule a free consultation call with me. I would be very happy to guide you and see how I can help you further. You can find all of the details on my website www.mymamadreams.com, and you can book there a free consultation call. Um, and yeah, I hope these episodes leave you feeling calmer, more informed, and more confident. See you next time.