The Truth About Divorce, Stepparenting & Starting Over – Hannah Schuster

In this episode, Tamara sits down with Hannah Schuster, a New York attorney, entrepreneur,

founder of Shuster Law, and creator of Legal Bestie, for a conversation that goes far beyond

the courtroom. Hannah shares how an unexpected divorce during law school, years of helping

families navigate high-conflict situations, and becoming a stepmom completely transformed the

way she approaches both life and law.

Together, they dive into blended families, conflict resolution, co-parenting, setting healthy

boundaries, and why "winning" a divorce often comes at the expense of the people who matter

most. Hannah also opens up about her breast cancer diagnosis, the life-changing perspective it

gave her, and the importance of prioritizing your health, relationships, and peace over

perfection.

Whether you're navigating divorce, blending a family, facing a personal challenge, or simply

trying to create healthier relationships, this episode is filled with practical advice, heartfelt

stories, and powerful reminders that your hardest seasons can become the foundation for your

greatest growth.

Music licensed through Soundstripe.

Code: 0K3OIBPCZZHWHONY, HS0RF6DPAEIJMPL8

Follow Tamara on Instagram @Talk2Tamara, subscribe on your favorite podcast platform for new episodes on relationships and personal growth. Watch new episodes on Youtube and visit my website for coaching and 1:1 support.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

There is this like phenomenon in divorce, like who won the divorce? And I think it's hard for people like they count who got married first and who got you know more money who got more money and who has a nicer house and who you know has a better relationship with the kids. Like there's all this competition, and I think the best thing to do is like you lead your best life and let him lead his best life.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

Hello and welcome back. Today's guest is Hannah Schuster, a New York attorney, entrepreneur, and founder of Schuster Law. Through her brand, Legal Bestie, Hannah is redefining what it means to be a lawyer, making legal guidance approachable, practical, and rooted in real relationships. She's also a stepmother, and she's here to talk about how that how that experience, combined with work in matrimonial law, has shaped the way that she helps families just navigate conflict with compassion and hope. Thank you, Hannah, so much for being here. Thanks for having me. So, why don't we get a little bit into your background and tell us, first of all, how you grew up and how you even decided to go be a lawyer. And you're kind of looking a little bit like legally blonde, right? So it's like are you mirroring that?

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Um she definitely Elle was totally my inspiration. I have a friend, shout out to Faye. She told me once, she was like, you're like the Brunette Legal. I'm like, that's all I want. It's true, it's all I want. Um so just to take it back, um I went to law school sort of more, I guess later, like four or five years post-college. Um, I started in human resources. And that was kind of my background. I love working with people. I really love managing conflict at the end of the day, like and really rebuilding after conflict. So HR was like a very good fit for me. Um, and then I just was realizing like I should really go to law school. I should really go to law school. Um, I ended up going to law school at 24. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Which was not that old.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

No, it wasn't old at the time I felt so old because everyone was like 20.

SPEAKER_03 2:17

Is there anyone in your family that's lawyers?

SPEAKER_00 2:19

So oh, so this is super interesting. So my aunt and uncle on my mother's side are both lawyers and they're both married to lawyers. Okay. And my grandmother really, really was like my cheerleader when it came to going through the motions, applying to law school. She was super supportive. Um, I love you, Bama. And um, and she was my rock. Happens to be like my mother is a super, super powerhouse CEO. She's she has a thousand employees, federal contractor, very serious feminist. My grandmother, like my two female role models. My grandmother was like very typical on the outside 1950s housewife, but ran my grandfather's like social calendar, all his business meetings. She was like entertaining, was like his strategist business partner. So I had really two different feminine role models, and I think that that's kind of the they merged, and that's how I came to be.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

Yeah, that's so that's so interesting.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

What about your father?

SPEAKER_00 3:23

My father, he's the best. Um, he was definitely an idea guy, but he really raised us much more. He cooked, he cleaned, he did our laundry.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

He was the Mr. Mom.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

He was the Mr. Mom, um, definitely. Yeah. Um, he he definitely works with her and he's the idea guy. It's funny, it's sort of like what my grandparents had, it was like in reverse.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Um so you always saw women as like the feminist, like being like the girl boss kind of thing. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

That was and that wasn't so common. I grew up in the five towns. Right. Um, and yeah, my mom was like a girl boss, glass ceilings. Even when even to go to law school, it was like, okay, you're not gonna go to matrimonial law. That's like more of a girly, girly type of law, like business law, employment law. Um, that's what I that's what I was working towards when I was in law school. I actually got divorced my first semester of law school. My husband kind of left and never came home.

SPEAKER_03 4:22

And that was He left for the day and just didn't get it.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Yeah, he went to a concert, a grateful dad concert.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

Never came home.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Never came home. Um Did you think he was dead? Like Um, no, we were we were really young and he wanted to hurt feelings. He wanted to have like a single life, and I think it was just we didn't really learn good conflict resolution skills. I I love conflict resolution skills now. Um we were high school sweethearts, we got married at like 1920, we didn't really know anything. Um and it was funny because it was right before my first semester finals in law school, which is like makes or breaks your law school career. And my professor, Judge Driscoll, who it's crazy, but I practice in front of him now in Nassau County, like that's where I practice. And he pulled me aside one day after class and he's like, Hannah, like you're not your bubbly self, what's going on? I said, My husband left me. Uh I don't even know what I'm doing. And he looked at me and he's like, You'll be fine. Judge McLaughlin's law clerk left her the husband's left her the day of her contract's final. Like, you'll be fine. And that's like law school saved me. Because I think I would have just like drifted off in my own universe, and I was like, Oh, I have to go to law school, I have to pass. There was no option.

unknown 5:45

Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

I got a little off track.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Well, we were talking about how you even got like decided to go to law school to begin with. So You were doing HR.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

I was doing HR. It was funny. I was literally sitting in a union negotiation, and there were these two lawyers from one of the other unions. I was representing the employer from the HR side, and we had hired a lawyer. Um, and I was looking at these guys, and I'm like, they're making like five times what I'm making, and I feel like I'm doing all the work here. Like, I should just go to law school. And it was such a crazy concept at the time because I was working, I had a job, I was married, like I was newly married, not new, I was already like three and a half years, but and nobody was supportive of this law school except my grandmother. Um, and my grandmother's like, she loves having everyone go to law school. Like, I think that like she's a little sad my mom didn't go to law school because all her other kids like you're going to law school. Um and she was, yeah, she was super supportive. Um, I worked during the day and I went to Brooklyn law at night.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:55

And you were getting divorced.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

And I was getting divorced.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

How did you handle that?

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Um, so I had really good attorneys, Esther Schmulfeld and Ali Wiedenhoorn, and they were the best. Um and I just really, I just kept my head down. I didn't I had a really it was really important to me not to become like bitter, whatever bitter meant at the time. I was 24. It was I didn't really know. I just knew one other divorced person, and to me, sh she was bitter. She probably wasn't. I just Right. You saw it like that. Saw it that way. Like looking back, she was just living her life. Um and I was like, no matter what happens, that's not gonna be me. And it wasn't. I never felt bitter about it. I just wanted to live my life. I was of course her, and I of course had to go to therapy and deal with like rejection trauma. Yeah. Um so what happened after that?

SPEAKER_03 7:51

Um, so I went into so I went through law school and were were you dating while while you're in law school, or you were just too busy with Yeah, no, I was definitely dating.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

I love boys.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

I love boys. I love boys.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Men, men or boys. Now I'm married to a man. Yeah. Um and and he's the best. Um I I never like took a break from dating, you know, like but I was definitely like law school was my priority. Yeah. Um, and getting good jobs and getting good summer jobs. I always had really good summer jobs. Um, and I was working full-time, so it was a lot to balance. But I think that that's what kept me going. I was just too busy to think. I was yeah, that was that was what I was doing. Um and um you got through law school. I got through law school. I started working in business law and employment, yeah, and then I became an expert at sexual harassment, working on the employer side, and I developed programs working for working with and for the government, the United States government, to institute sexual harassment policies, institute restorative justice when there's sexual harassment issue that comes up, you know, how we resolve conflict and how we rebuild. And I went around um like the US doing trainings, working with government employees, working with um federal contractors, and I have to thank my mom, she really exposed me to that whole world.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

It's funny because that's such a male-dominated field.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yes. So that definitely is like my mother's influence of like glass ceilings, you go through it, you gotta like be in a male-dominated space. It's totally different from how I show up today. And that was definitely, you know, like the pantsuits and the very aggressive. Um but is that even who you are? No. It was definitely like a it was definitely a part of who I was at a certain time. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

You didn't feel like you were like acting or being a certain persona for the for that specific position.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

I was definitely, it was definitely acting.

unknown 10:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

I like woke up and I was like, oh great, we're gonna go. Um and and I was and I was very successful and made a reputation for myself, and that was amazing. Um while I was doing that, I was really seeing how people don't have good conflict resolution skills, just like in terms of our day-to-day life. We really don't learn conflict resolution. And that was one of the big things with like sexual harassment and employee relationships, you know, when things happen, how things escalate, being able to speak up, something makes you uncomfortable, saying it in a way that people really listen. And in terms of workplace investigations, I do I did a lot of workplace investigations and seeing just how workplace culture really is about people connecting and talking things through.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

Um But can I just stop you for a while? Yeah, sure. What drew you to conflict resolution? It's not like the thing that people think about, like, oh, I really want to go into that. Like that's exciting for me, you know?

SPEAKER_00 11:07

It really was. Um I think being able to help people rebuild like relationships are really exciting for me. Before I went to law school, I really had this vision of that I was gonna be a therapist. Um I think I get to into like it's even funny because like in my practice now, I'm like a quasi therapist. I always say, I'm not a therapist, guys. I'm not a therapist, but I get into it with my clients. Um, so I think I just love the the way people interact and that I wouldn't, I wouldn't have, if you asked me like 10 years ago, I wouldn't have said, Oh, I love conflict. Right. And I love like helping people figure out conflict. But I think what was happening was I was in, because I was divorced and I was had a lot of friends that were single, and being kind of in that world of like dating and divorce and single and that whole thing, um, I was really, and I was hearing people's stories about their divorce and their kids and their ex and realizing wow, people have really poor conflict resolution skills. It's not really like that divorce is so bad, it's that conflict is so bad, and not being able to resolve conflict is so bad, and it builds and it builds and it builds. And actually, before I even decided to do matrimonial, I took a divorce mediation class because I was doing mediations um for sexual harassment, and I felt like there was a lot of intersection between conflict between employees and then conflict between spouses. Oh, right. And a lot. And I also do a lot of business law, so it was conflict between partners, like what happens when you're in a business with someone and you break up.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

And that's like mediating.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Right, right. Well, all right. So so I was doing that and I just became really exposed to the legal side of what goes into to divorce, what goes into matrimonial, and really I my area is post-divorce. I definitely do pre-divorce, of course. Like you have to do a divorce if you're a bad attorney. Um, but my my specialty is high conflict post-divorce.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Okay um what was going on for you in your life? So you were working in this um, you know, very male-dominated industry, traveling the world, living your life, being super successful. Yes. And then what?

SPEAKER_00 13:21

And then I met my now husband, and he was how old are you then? How old am I? We I was 28. Okay. I was 28. So about four years after your first divorce. Maybe I was 29. Yeah, yeah, I guess four years after my first divorce. He actually we met, he hired me to do collections for him. He has a pest control company, set on pest control, everyone. Um and he had a lot of people that weren't paying him. He found that I was an attorney. We started working together. Um we went on a few dates. He was so cute. I couldn't um and just like hearing his story and and hearing what he went through, uh, what he was still going through, um like every, you know, dealing with, you know, his kids were really little at the time, and there was they had agreed on a schedule, and the schedule was just not working. You know, his daughter at the time was four and a half, and she just um had all these like any any when the dismissal was over at preschool. She would like hide in the closet, hide in the bathroom. And he was trying so hard to fix the schedule in a way that would make it easier on the kids, and just seeing how even such a simple thing, like this is what the kids need, this would be better for them, how the conflict between the parents is more important than what the kids need. And seeing it firsthand, I was like, oh, there is so much work that needs to happen here.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Um and then I was building my practice. I thank God have amazing business clients that really are the best. They're entrepreneurs and visionaries, and without them I would not be able to have built my my matrimonial practice, and being able to to do both and deal with so many personalities. Yeah. Um, because I'm very selective with who comes into my practice, and I'm able to be. Because when you're like when you're successful, you're like, okay, I'm not dealing with this personality. No, thank you. Um so so you know, taking into account what he was going through, um, we I wouldn't say we were dating, we had a relationship and were working together, and anytime there was a collection, we would do it. I was obviously hopelessly in love with him. Um and but I didn't have kids. I had my dog in Sburg. Becoming a mom was like not so much on my radar. I was working and busy and I wanted to travel. Travel. Um, which was funny because when I was in my single divorce, I was traveling a lot. I was like, I don't know if I like love this traveling idea. Like I remember I did 10 days and can't be like, okay, I'm here's my travel. I'm doing my travel. And I was like, after like three days, I'm like, okay, time to go home. Right. Um so um, and his kids were really little. I mean, they and he was always tired and and always like stressed and dealing with the principals and the schools and the snacks. Um, and he had he had 50-50 custody, so it was like a very different animal. It's like you you're not like a weekend dad. Yeah, yeah. Like a real dad.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Like that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Um, and I never dated a dad before. So it was super interesting because I was dealing with divorce clients and I was dealing with post-divorce matters, and I was hearing from his perspective, like, my clients don't talk to me about what's going on in their personal lives. They tell me this is what I want and this is what I need, and then I was just doing it. But through his through really being immersed in his life and his experiences, it really helped me become a better attorney. Because I was able to tap into what my clients really wanted. I feel like they came to me and they said, I need to change my custody schedule, I need full custody, I can't deal with this person anymore. Like, wait a second. What's really going on? Talk to me. I was able to really look at them as okay, what's underlying your issue? Instead of like, okay, this is what you want, we're off to the races. Yeah.

unknown 17:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

And I think a lot of attorneys, and it happens to be matrimonial law, we're like a real, real community. The judges, the lawyers, we all really work together. It's stunning, beautiful. I don't think other practice areas have that. Yeah. Um, and everyone's friends. Um, I mean, not when you're like arguing with someone.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

It's actually really funny. And one of my cases, one of the opposing counsel that I work with, she is also a step mom. So she's always giving me like advice and what to do. And and we're like a community. It's it's really beautiful. Um, so I was able to transform the way I show up, which is how like legal bestie kind of came to be.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

We'll talk about that soon, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Um, and just it really helped me expand my practice. Like that's all I could say is being even becoming a stepmom. Like I we got married in 2023.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Wait, so I just want to before you jump to getting married, how did you go from a person that doesn't even really want to have kids to being okay dating a guy that has all these little kids?

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Right. So by the time we I think I when I turned 30, so this was like two years, I felt okay, like I'm 30, I have to like be serious now. It was a little bit like that. Um he he just made it sound so exciting. Like it happens to be his kids are really cute. His kids are adorable. I'm I'm happy they're my best friends. Like I love them. Happen I think we're friends first, which is what I recommend to every stepmom. Like, don't try to mom them. Yeah, like that's not your job. Your job is to be their friend and uh safe person, and that's really what I try to be. Yeah. And I think what I try to be, and obviously, you know, it's its own journey, stepmoming. There's like really not a good guidebook on it.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Um, but I really think I tried I try to be like a sister, and that's really my like what would a big sister be like?

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Um so how did I how did I how did I go from not wanting that to wanting that? I have no idea. I think it just stopped being so scary. And it was between jumping in with him or or not being with him. And for him, he really w he was really important to him that whoever he ended up with would take care of his kids and would be would show up and be involved.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

Did he get nervous at any point that like you're the single woman, doesn't have her own kids, like can she be the mother to and not the mother, but can she be the person to my kids?

SPEAKER_00 20:25

For sure. I think that when we because we never really had like a we never really dated. We went from this relation, this like non undefined, we're very cool in him, undefined relationship to okay, I want to be with you, I want us to get married. But we we I needed to like date the kids.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

So for a month I I dated his kids, for lack of a better word. There has to be a better word because it sounds a little creepy, but and until they were really like ready, and then and then he proposed. Um, and I was ready. And I kept saying, I'm like, I have a dog, it's the same thing. It is so not the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

It's definitely not the same.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

And I feel so bad for all the people, like public apology. For years I thought it was the same thing, and people I would get mad at people. I'm like, what do you mean I have a dog? Like, I I understand what you're talking about. It's so not the same thing. So I have I publicly apologize. Um but I my dog is nine, so I have two now a nine and a nine-year-old dog and a two-year-old dog. But they're not the same thing. And but I I thought at the time that it was the same thing, so I wasn't so nervous. Yeah. Um, I do think at the beginning I very much was like Santa Claus. I was like, I'm your fairy godmother, Santa Claus all the way. And I think I'm very fun. So it was very easy. And the harder the harder part of stepmomming is like boundaries and like no and saying no. Um and that is a skill that I am still working on.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Definitely still Santa Claus, but what was that first year like adjusting?

SPEAKER_00 22:07

It was very strange. It was very strange. Also, because there was so much advice that I had told my clients over the years. Like, oh, don't this isn't a big deal, don't make a big deal about it. Like, I remember one time one of my clients called me in a panic that her ex um stole like a sweatshirt from her. It was like some expensive, I can't remember, like it wasn't evercrombie, but to me it was evercrombie because that's what was my frame of reference. It was whatever one of the new brands. And she was so upset and it was like an $80 sweatshirt. And I said to her, I'm like, You're calling me and spending $500 to talk to me about this $80 sweatshirt. And I was trying to be like, just get a new sweatshirt.

unknown 22:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

So it was so easy to give this advice, but then living it, I I had so much compassion for my clients to be like, it's an emotional, you're it's not just about this $80 sweatshirt. It's about so much more than that in this relationship. And I really understood because that first year was so much about understanding the dynamic between your kids are slapping back and forth. Um, what that's like, you know, and my stepchildren were like the type that they came in our room every night at 2 a.m. and slept in our bed. So that was an that was an experience that I was not necessarily prepared for. He had told me, oh, they wake up. I didn't know what that meant. Right. He's like, I don't sleep. I'm like, oh, I'm young. I don't need sleep. I totally need sleep. I didn't know. I really need sleep. Um, thank God they don't do that anymore. But that was the first two years of our marriage. If we didn't have like the weekend off, you know, it's like every other weekend you have off. I don't know. It would have been a disaster. Like we needed to reconnect.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Okay, so you so now you have this blended family. Yes. How how does that play out now? Like is it is it difficult? What parts do you find difficult?

SPEAKER_00 23:59

Yeah, so I guess, you know, interestingly enough, everybody always was wording me about blended families and the kids, and and I had no really the kids were like the easiest part of blending. They they were just always happy to be in my house, they were always happy to be with us. It's so interesting because I have a most of my clients are women. So a lot of times when their husbands get remarried and there's a new stepmom in the picture, I see it from the other perspective. So I've I was able to use my experience. Like there were certain things that I I regret doing because I didn't think about it because I was never a mom before. Like I remember my stepdaughter, she was six. Now she's nine, so this was a while ago, and she really wanted to get a haircut, really wanted to get a haircut, really wanted to get a haircut. I did I didn't know it from haircuts. I don't know. You get a haircut, you want a haircut, like what? And we're in the haircut. I take her to where I go, you know. I was like, okay, her dad said, Yeah, take her for the haircut, she wants to go. I took her after the haircut, you know, she was crying, she was worried, she had to call her mom. I was like, sure, call your mom. And it became such an issue. Her mom was so angry at me for this haircut, and I literally I I was like, it's a haircut. So it turned in unfortunately, it turned into I think at this point, you know, we're much better, and and I learned bound, I learned like that's not worth it, you know, it's not worth it to take her for a haircut if it's gonna be like it's not worth it for her, it's not worth it for me. Right. I don't care, like it's fine. Um, but with my clients, I have them all. When and whenever there's a remarriage, I'm like, you need to sit down and write a list of what is not okay for you before. Don't don't do it because you hate this woman and you're jealous. Like, that's petty, right? You know, and you you should want everyone should want their children to have people that love them in their life. That's always what I explain to my step kids. I say, our hearts are huge, and the more people that love us, the better. And if and that that's really the bottom line, and I share that with my clients. But one of my clients was having a a harder time communicating her needs when it came to the step mom. And we sat down, we made a list of like her non-negotiables. And I was like, okay, send this text, send this as a text to your ex and his new wife and make it an open dialogue. You this is someone who's in your child couldn't be in your child's life for the next, you know, 50 years, hopefully. Don't lose your cool over something like a haircut. Don't lose your cool because you don't like the, you know, you don't like Zara and she's gutting her Zara. So I think that really helped me. And I wish I wish I had used my own advice at the time, but I didn't know. You don't know what you don't know.

unknown 26:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:55

And how many years has it been?

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Um, three and a half.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Okay, so that's not that's not too long. So would you see like a dramatic difference from when you first got married to now between your relationship with I think they call it like the bonus mom, right? Or I'm the bonus mom. You're the bonus mom. And she's the she's just the mom.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Is she just the mom? Um, you know, we live very separate, separate lives. I'm very grateful to her that she like made these gorgeous, yummy, amazing kids that I love. And there's this song that's like my anthem. It's called Like My Own. And it says, like, I'm so grateful to your mom. It's like a song to your step kids. I'm so grateful to your mom for sharing you with me.

unknown 27:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

And that's really how I feel. You know, like I'm not trying to be the mom. I'm not trying to, you know, take your role. I'm just trying to love these kids because they live with me.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

And do you have kids of your own? No.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

I have dogs. I have two dogs.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

Was that ever like a like a discussion with you and your husband? Like, or he's like, I'm I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

No, so my husband definitely um loved having kids and would love more kids. Um, I guess like stay tuned. We'll see. Um my stepdaughter is like, absolutely no. No, my stepdaughter is like, absolutely not. I'm the princess of this house. Um, but she's the best. Um, we'll see. Right now, like it's you know, I think that I'm such a career person that right now that's really my priority. Obviously, like Orthodox, and we're in the from communities, so you that, but I have like I feel like I have two kids. Like I'm very busy with everything with them. They're they're school, they're they're extra things, like it's so hard 50.

SPEAKER_03 28:42

Yes, yeah, it's like so busy.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

I'm always driving. That's what I've realized. I'm always driving, I'm always carpooling, I'm always doing play dates. I'm very busy.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

Right. So, how how exactly um has your career shifted with like this new place in life that you're in?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

So it's interesting. I was just telling this to someone the other day. When I'm in front of a judge and we're like getting trial dates, I have to like pull out my custody, my custody schedule. And I'm like, hold on one second, I need to figure out what time my kids are gonna be. Like that was never, that was never a thing. Um so that's new. And there's definitely, you know, like the in-between the when there's no camper school. Yeah, I like can't schedule things when there's no camper school if I have the kids. So that was like a shift. Like scheduling is definitely a shift. Um, and also I have my nonprofit. So I was able, I was always able to like dedicate how many hours I needed and was working and always was very busy. And I think really understanding work-life balance as a mom is a new thing for me. And being like, okay, I need to be present with my kids. I need they need to know that I'm here, and I have to really let them down. And when I don't put my phones and they tell me, like, Hannah, you're on your phone. Hannah, you're working, stop working.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

But is there a resentment factor there of like I like they're not even my kids? I want I'm busy with my with my career and I want to focus on that. And I don't want to be doing carpal and you know, for kids that are not mine.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

You know, I really like it. I really like it. I think if they weren't so cute, maybe it would be different. Like definitely when when they like whine is hard for me. Like when they or when they're fighting with when they fight with each other, that's really hard. Yeah. Um, 'cause I'm like, oh my gosh, why are you fighting?

SPEAKER_03 30:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

Um and my husband's like, it's normal. I'm like, it's not normal. So when they put hands on each other, I get very freaked out.

SPEAKER_03 30:38

Okay. Why?

SPEAKER_00 30:39

I don't know. I I started realizing that other kids other people's kids do it also. I get very happy, like sadistically happy. When I see other kids, other siblings fighting, I'm like, okay, other people it's happening too. Um, I think m my siblings, we just I just we didn't like physically altercate like that.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

Um so when they fight, that's a little bit stressful for me. Also, screaming is not for me. I have a very quiet, like, like lifestyle. Um, and my husband's very mellow also. Yeah. So when the kids yell, that's hard.

unknown 31:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

But I don't that's really the two hard things when they physically fight, um, and just learning like what's normal. And I've had really good um teachers along the way. Other moms that really like help me.

SPEAKER_03 31:32

Um Were you actually surprised by how much you enjoy it? Did it take you by surprise?

SPEAKER_00 31:41

I don't know. I I think it I just it just I kind of just rolled with it. I think I thought when I first started I would be like a fun aunt, which I was to all my friends' kids. So I loved my friend, all my friends' kids. I like to always took them out. We always went for ice cream. I was always like the cool, fun, older aunt that was just friends with her mom. Because I was single when everyone else was already married. Yeah. Um, so I just thought I was gonna just do that all the time.

unknown 32:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

But it was fun. I mean, it's still fun. Definitely when I think we do a lot of activities, so that's we're always on the move, me and the kids. We call ourselves the bonus babes.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

Um, we actually have a group chat, they have like gizmos. Yeah. So on the gizmos, we have a chat called the bonus babes. It's just me and them.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

That's so cute.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

It's really cute. Um and and I think just like learning, learning them was really a fun experience for me. And and being an adult that really was interested in who they are and not what I expected them to be because I'm not their biological parent.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

So I was able to come in and be like, tell me about yourself. I want to learn who you are. And I think they really kids appreciate that.

SPEAKER_03 32:51

Um let's shift into your non your nonprofit. How did that come? How did that come to be?

SPEAKER_00 32:58

So, okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

As if you didn't have enough going on.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Right. So uh we were married for about a year when it started, and there was just certain things that were coming up. Um, and my husband really needed like a mediation between him and his ex. And we were looking for a mediator, and we wanted someone who was really good, and someone who could do it. You I don't think you were advertising at the time. I don't think so. You weren't you weren't, because it would have saved me this whole thing. Um, and and I was trying to find I I really wanted like a therapist to do it, not a lawyer. I mean, not I would I just took the lead because that's me. Yeah. Okay, we need a we need a solution for this, this is not sustainable. Um, so so we were looking for a mediator, and I totally tell everybody now put a mediator in your divorce agreement because otherwise nothing gets resolved. So free advice, guys. Um so I was looking for a mediator, and everyone I was calling, or he was calling, we were both calling, tons and tons of people. They were like, post-divorce, don't want to do it, not worth the money, not worth it. And I was like, I'll pay whatever, I'll pay a thousand dollars an hour at this point. Like, please. And really nobody was nobody was interested in doing it. Um I think it just is too messy and it doesn't feel like there's ever like a conclusion.

SPEAKER_03 34:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Um, and then I knew like certain parent coordinators from work, and they were like, Hannah, I'm not getting involved in like your thing with like your husband and like it's just down to too much. Yeah. Um, so I was like, okay, and I spoke, I had spoken to two rabbis at the time. Um Rabbi Bender from Darkhei, who interestingly enough, my son, my stepson ended up going there from Hell, but at the time he was in Hell. That's funny. Yes. Um, he's incredible, and Rabbi Islam Wallace from Hawaii of the Five Towns. And they really were the two people that I spoke to about this and asked about um what to do with me, how to fix this problem. Because it wasn't just them, it was a lot of people that were just letting issues kind of fester. And then I had a feeling that things would faster, things would faster, and then you end up going to court and it cost everyone so much money. Um, and you could just resolve things with a mediator. Um, so I spoke to both these rabbis and they said, you know what, there's really nobody doing this post-divorce. Hatzlacha, we'll give you whatever has come you want. Um go forth. Um and and I really ended up becoming just like a crisis hotline, um, pretty much, and just helping people deal with the emergencies that come up, and a lot of it ended up being like orders of protection, and really the stuff, and I work a lot with Shalom Task Force. They don't necessarily have funding, so they call me, and we kind of work in tandem, which is really nice, and other organizations I work with. Um and really just be I was and sister to sister, I can't say enough good things. Sister to sister, I love everyone who works there and volunteers there, and I'm one of their I'm a volunteer there.

SPEAKER_02 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Um, and really I just became a resource for people going through it and needing legal advocates and emergency situations. And um and you funded this yourself? I funded it myself, yes, with my husband. Um and and different people over the years, you know, um definitely like contributed and um but yeah, it's most it's basically self-funded.

SPEAKER_03 36:30

It seems like the theme of your life, like you see a problem, yes, and then you need to come in and have the solution. Right. Is that every part?

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Is that every part of your life? It's every part of my life. I think it's why I became a lawyer. Um, because I wanted, I always wanted a solution. I don't know what's like, I think it's a little bit of a control freak side of me, which I guess as I get older, I'm like, yes, I'm a little bit of a control freak. Um I'm working on it, I'm a work in progress. Um, yeah, I think that it's hard for me to just like let something be a problem. Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:00

Especially Or when you notice that there's a gap in the system. Yeah. There's a gap in the system, and you need to bridge that, bridge that gap.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

And that's really what I've done my whole life is always kind of bridging gaps between people, bridging gaps between systems. And really a lot of the work that the organization really does is bridge the gap between, you know, what someone's agreement says, when they're dealing with the school, the school's not listening, the rabbi's not listening, and just being that voice. And because of now we've we've become known as like an expert in the field, we're able to call rabbis and call schools and call different other organizations, and we're taken seriously, and it really does help reduce conflict. Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:39

So it's like both in uh one, right? Like you have the conflict resolution piece, and you're also bridging the gap for people in these types of crisis that are happening. So definitely it first started out as like a crisis hotline, and now and now it pivoted into what?

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Into just kind of doing just more community, community-based services and working with community organizations. I mean, I work with Al Kyazar, I work with sister to sister, I work with JCCRP. There's definitely like so much, there's such a piece of it's just being a connector and having people come and figure out what resources they need. Um, one of the things was like the that not everybody wants to go to mediation. I realize that. Like, and a lot of times, like I can't help you. If you just want to fight, I'm not the person, oh hire me, you know, hire me to be your attorney. Right. But that's not what mediation is for. Um, there were definitely people that want it, you know, when they get when they're getting divorced. Um but pretty much we became we became a like full service crisis center. Mo a lot of a lot of what we were doing was dealing with issues that the kids were having, the kids of divorce were having, um, either with the school or with you know, a certain therapist or with needing resources from a community organization. Um different.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

So how are you managing that with being a stepmom with your actual ping job? Um, how are you not like going crazy?

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Um, I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes I think I just move like I think that I just go very fast and I'm working very fast all the time. So sometimes I do get burnt out. There's definitely um like on Chavez, I feel like I sleep 25 hours sometimes, like that. Um I take like three melatonins and I'm out.

unknown 39:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

Um, I'm very into sleep. So I go to sleep. I try to go to sleep at by like 10 o'clock. My husband says I'm like a grandma. I'm like, okay, it's time for sleep. Um, because he's like a 1 a.m. I'm like, hey, love you, good night. And he's like, no, so I'm like, no, I need my sleep. Yeah, yeah. Um, I really need my sleep. And it's funny because he always reminds me how when we were like dating, I was like, I don't need sleep. You're such a complainer. Like, who cares if kids are up all night? No, but sleep is so so restorative for me. I need it, and I do, you know, I exercise, I do all the things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

They say that people who live very stressful lives, like it takes a toll on your body. Yes, your body keeps the score. Your body keeps score, it's so true. Your body keeps the score. Um, and you know, like I know people that have gone through really stressful things and developed, you know, autoimmune diseases, developed cancer, developed all these things. Like I could say it even in like not my own personal life, but I believe that my mom got sick because of the stress that she had. Um, so I, you know, I know that you got diagnosed with breast cancer. Breast cancer, but um sta which stage?

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Early, stage zone.

SPEAKER_03 40:40

Stage one.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

Um, and I would say that even before that, I feel like my body was definitely sending me like a signal because the year before I had um so we this is this is a little tid tidbit of information. Okay. When you don't have your own kids, you're not like immune to all the like kitty nursery school like viruses. So when I became a stepmom and the kids would come home with a virus or strep, my husband didn't get sick. He was like, Oh, this is like a third grade strap. For me, it was like a super strap. Yeah. So the first year we were married, I was sick a lot with like ear infection, strep. It was like crazy.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Yeah, you're like what is going on?

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Right. And I went to my doctor, I was like, what is this? And he explained to me, which I feel like they need to have a book about this because this isn't someone needs to write about this.

SPEAKER_03 41:29

Well, there is a problem. So why don't you find out you should go write a book about it? I know you're a legal bestie.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Yeah. So so one of the problems is when you're exposed to kids that are older, their immunity are so built up that they're carrying around these like very advanced diseases. Yeah, you know, what viral or otherwise. And if you're not immune to it, you're getting it like times 10 because they've already exposed. So even if they weren't symptomatic. Um, but my stepdaughter duh, she used to get like a very bad strep every year. And I was like laying in her bed. I didn't really fully understand like how things are contagious. So I got I used to get very sick. Um, and then so that year, so this was 24. So 24, I could not hear I'm like a horse. I so I lost the vocal cord in 2024. It like shredded during a bad stra I know it's crazy. Wow, that's crazy. Shredded during a bad bound of strap. Um, and I couldn't like swallow. Um, I would like I started to choke. Like they were just it was and I was going to an ENT and I was going to a gastroenterologist, and they were like, This is I think this is a stress thing. Like, I think you need to reduce your stress, you need to do yoga, you need to walk, you need to breathe. Hanna take it down a notch. And of course I didn't listen. And then I was going, you know, my um I have a strong, strong family history of breast cancer. So I was going for like routine mammograms. I always had in mind to do a preventative mastectomy. And during my screenings, this this came up, which was insane and amazing. Um, but it kind of made my time, shortened my timeline.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

Um so you always knew that I'm saying like this ran in your family. It's right in my family, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

Who had my mother, my grandmother, my aunt, both my great grandmothers. Um, and we've done all the genetic testing, like nothing. So always my OBG, like I did all these genetic tests, and my OBG WN it was always a thing. I also have other like autoimmune, PTOS, all the fun stuff. Um and earlier, so first in March, in like so I got all my tests came back like April, May, uh April and May of 2025. And in March of 2025, I had like a cervical cancer. Um scare. Like I had to just like freeze it off. It wasn't even like a big deal, but it was like a pre-cancer, cervical cancer thing. So I was like, okay, I really need to like get everything checked out. And I'm very like, I take care of these things. I am not the type to like doctor's like, no. I I love my insurance. I love doctors. I go to.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

Does your insurance love you?

SPEAKER_00 44:20

Probably not.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Um, especially after this. So um, so I went through that. Um, and that was very challenging. It was very challenging on my kids. It was very challenging on my husband.

SPEAKER_03 44:33

Um what was it like?

SPEAKER_00 44:36

So I think I was I was like myself. I was like, okay, we're just gonna do it, we're gonna take care of it. I wasn't thinking about it. I was like, this is what I wanted to do anyway, so we're just speeding up the timeline, speeding up the timeline, speeding up the timeline. And I wasn't even thinking. Um I when we when I spoke to the kids, that was really uh difficult. Um because I didn't go into deals details with them. I wanted it to feel for them, like it was like I was just taking care of my health and not like anything was wrong with me. I read like seven books, so I had to talk to them. And I just said, I'm like, we're doing this to be safe for the future. It's like when you have a boo-boo, you you you know, right. Yeah, and um, it was really hard for my stepdaughter. She wanted to like be in the hospital with me. I was in the ICU for a while. I had a lot I had a few complications um from my surgery, which was very scary. Yeah. I think the actual post surgery was this the worst part because going into it, I was like, okay, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this. Not a big deal, not a big deal, not a big deal, not a big deal. I just kept telling myself not a big deal. And then in the hospital was first of all, I was still like I was telling all my clients I'm taking a month off. Um so that was a little bit hard. Because they really rely on you. I mean, these are it's so that was hard.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

Um How does that work?

SPEAKER_00 45:51

I'm saying like if they need you to turn to trial or yeah, so all my cases I told the judges and they were like super understanding. And telling you the Nassau County, also Queens, I work in Queens too. Really it's Nassau and Queens, mostly Nassau, but everyone's very understanding. They know you, so they're like, Okay, we're praying for you. It was gorgeous, it was really gorgeous. Um and I think that the hardest part was yeah, when I was in the hospital, um I had uh I had gotten um it was actually a crazy situation, but when the nurses were switching shifts, um I had gotten like pain pills, and then the next nurse gave me also an I overdosed on oxy, cotton, codin, whatever, and like my machines were beeping. I and I remember they were like grabbing me and they're like like I barely like it's like a fuzzy dream, and they were like Wake up, wake up! Like if you don't wake up right now, we're gonna have to give you Narcan. And I was like, okay. I didn't I was like, I remember the screaming and I remember the beeping, and then I kind of I just fled. And then um my best friend was with me, and she kicked her out, she was freaking out. Um it was also of course it was the weekend between camp and school. So my husband had the kids. Um, but he was amazing. He back up he came back and forth. He was the but I was in the ICU for a while. Um you know, it really should have been like a two-day um and I was there for five or six, like it was five and a half, six days. Um and and that was very scary. And just like having like the respiratory issues after, like I had a lot of fluid in my lungs because I re I um had all these issues post that happening. So that was pretty scary. Um But I think that I I would con I would have considered myself a little bit of a people pleaser before my surgery. I just w I just how I was raised, I think. Um and that like died in me after my surgery. I literally lost in the best way.

SPEAKER_03 48:05

Meaning like you don't care about I don't care. Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

I'm like, you're upset? Okay, sorry. And not in a mean way and just uh I have to do what's good for me. Yeah so that I I I think just taking care of your health and putting yourself and you have to put yourself first when you're recovering. Right. And I had like six strains and I'm walking around like this like huffy, dreamy person. And you know, like I think I walked around in pajamas for like a month. I remember I decided this was I was like really not moving around, and it must have been like I was just started to walk. I really couldn't drive, and I decided I must get a facial because I I didn't wash my face. So I got in my head that I had to get a facial. I like Ubered to Central Avenue to like one of the places. I'm like in pajamas, I just didn't care. I'm like laying there with all my dreams now.

SPEAKER_03 48:59

It was like I need a facial. A facial is important right now.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

It was really important. I needed it because you feel gross. Um, and the hardest part was um my hair fell out after my surgery. It happened sometimes with surgery. I was like, oh, no chemo, no hair falling out.

unknown 49:16

No.

SPEAKER_00 49:16

I had I had like crazy bald spots, I developed like alopecia, which was crazy. And I was like, that was the worst thing of the whole thing. And grew waiting for my hair to grow back and and dealing with that was also like just these the all these things I really think forced me to grow up.

SPEAKER_03 49:36

How do you though stay in this like very positive place as opposed to like a victim place?

SPEAKER_00 49:43

Um, you know what? I think that I'm very blessed. That comes naturally to me. Um I definitely get into like a mode of so many things happened to me, like what the hell? What when am I gonna catch a break? But that's very like rare for me. Uh it's usually when I'm like super burnt out and it just means I need like a good spa day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:04

I think I I really spa day with a facial.

SPEAKER_00 50:07

Yeah, exactly. I do a lot of self-care.

SPEAKER_03 50:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

I really do. And I teach my stepkids about self-care. It's really important.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 50:15

Um, I take them to the spa, I teach them about what like walking is everything, music, we dance parties. Um, and I think that that really helps me stay in a in a place of gratitude. And like I I'm so grateful that I had access to mammograms and and information and doctors and insurance. And I'm so grateful to have a community. Like my community really stepped up. They took care of my kids. My all my all my kids' friends, like their moms had like schedules of like who was taking what my stepdaughter and my stepson. Like, and people were sending me pictures, and and my friends really took care of me. Um, they really, really did. And it was amazing. It was it's to let yourself be loved, I think let keeps you out of that victim mode.

unknown 51:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:07

Have you taken the stress down a notch since since all of this? Or has it even gone more?

SPEAKER_00 51:12

Like the wake-up call.

SPEAKER_03 51:14

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

Um, I incorporated, I have um somebody who comes to my house. We do Pilates twice a week. Okay. And that I think really is helped. Shout out to Leslie, guys, vitamin C. She does privates, she's amazing. Um, and that's really been amazing. I also do a lot of like like wellness, like I do the hyperbaric chamber. That really helps.

SPEAKER_03 51:38

I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_00 51:38

So basically, like you go into like an oxygenated tank for 90 minutes, yeah, and it just feeds you oxygen.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

So that's really I walk out of there like feeling.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

You feel a little like did like a little like lightheaded. Yeah. Um, it was amazing for me. I did it post um post my surgery and I've like incorporated into my wellness routine. So I do that, I do massage, I do lymphatic training. I'm very I am like with my facial shells. I take those things very seriously.

SPEAKER_03 52:06

Did you always, or just after? No.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

Um, you know what's funny? My sister-in-law, she like had texted me, she texted me like a few weeks ago, like, where's a good facial place? And I love that I've become the person who pe like because that was so not me a few years ago. And I'm like, this is so bad. Like, I'm the go-to for like for for taking care of yourself.

SPEAKER_03 52:27

You just want to be known as the you wanted to be known as the career lady.

SPEAKER_00 52:30

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_03 52:31

And now you're like five towns uh mom. You know?

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Like, especially when I have um, like my sister is here from Israel, and yesterday I had my nail tech come to the house, she gave us massages, fair nails, and my sister's like, this is peak five towns.

SPEAKER_03 52:48

Like, what is exactly? Um, okay, legal bestie.

SPEAKER_00 52:53

We talked about that's that's her nonprofit, or that's legal bestie is just my platform to give legal advice, but in a way that's like approachable. I love it. And it's a little bit of like my personality, yeah. And it just developed into it was really just like a marketing idea that just became like part of my brand. Um, and it's funny because so many of my clients are obsessed with it. They're like, oh no, no, my lawyer's my legal vessel. And they just take it and run with it. They're like, Hannah, but that's so you. You are the legal vessel. Um definitely inspired by legally blonde.

SPEAKER_03 53:25

Well, we know this based on the whole vibe. And you just need your little dog. But have my little dog. Oh, your dog is big. My dog is little. Oh, it's little. Oh, so you need a little carrier.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Her name is Ginsburg. She's that's a Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Okay. Yes. Um that. Yes. So she was definitely like, I used to. Now I don't because I think at the time I thought it was like catchy and cute. And now it's just like, no, it's weird. I took her to clothing, so I took her to meetings in a little bit. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. Yeah, it was weird. It was weird. I was like, why did people trust me? This is the beginning of my career. Now I'm like, no, no, no, no. She stays home with her like brother. They I have two dogs, they keep each other company. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:02

Do you feel like the fact that you're married now, more people feel like they could trust you? Like, do you feel that when you weren't married that they weren't coming to you as much? Because they're like, what does she know?

SPEAKER_00 54:12

You know what's interesting. My business definitely the like business, my business side of Schuster Law. Well, it wasn't called Schuster Law, it was just Hannah. Um, but the business side of of my firm has always been very successful, thank God. Um, but my matrimonial practice definitely when I got married and was in the space of I I understand you and I understand the struggle, and I'm here to be with you. There was so I got so much more business.

SPEAKER_02 54:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

And also being part of the community. My husband's, you know, a lot of his friends are divorced. My husband has had a lot of friends that were single moms. He was really, he really, you know, play dates, this, that, the other thing. So it it created like this community, and people did trust me. Most of my friends, like most of my best friends are divorced. Um, I have this like joke, like if you're still in your first marriage, I I don't know. I don't know. No, no. But my best, my best, best, best friend is is in her first is in her only marriage. Is in her only marriage. So, so um, so that's fine. But uh, that's my little joke.

SPEAKER_03 55:19

That's absolutely funny. Do you have any married friends?

SPEAKER_00 55:22

Yeah, I have a few, but it just not really. Not really. Like I'm saying, also because of the schedule. Like when we have like adult chavez, my friends that are divorced, we're on the same schedule. Right. That's like a big thing to be on the schedule.

SPEAKER_03 55:33

True. But what if you're not? What if it's not synced? It's like that's annoying. Oh my gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:37

So one of my really good friends, she had we and we were like the type we we go away together, our kids are all friends, we're like a little like yeah, we're like a little community ourselves. So then she has three kids, we have two, you know? And um, and then we have we like kind of made it bigger and bigger and bigger, and now we're on the same schedule. So like there was like a few a month, like a few months that like her and her ex swapped, so we weren't on the same schedule, and it was very annoying.

SPEAKER_03 56:03

Very annoying. Okay. Um if you could say one thing to a parent that is right in the middle of a divorce, feeling like they're failing for their kids, you know, they're failing for their marriage, for their community, just feeling a failure like overall, what would you tell them?

SPEAKER_00 56:23

So, and I have told this to people, and like this is very standard. Okay. Um, I I say that you're you don't even realize, but your the best is yet to come. It really is so true. I think people on the other side of getting through this, as long as they don't become obsessed with the conflict. Like, as long as you say, Okay, this chapter is closed and I'm starting a new chapter, as long as you're able to do the work, get it, get yourself a therapist, get yourself an exercise routine, eat healthy, like real, as I said, I'm very into self-care. Like real self-care, not manicure, real self-care and prioritize yourself and have and figure out what boundaries mean to you. And not enough boundaries, like real core boundaries and your values, you can come out on the other side better than ever. Um, and just don't let yourself get swallowed up by conflict. Because the unfortunately, and I say this with tremendous respect to my colleagues in the matrimonial practice, we are we are not the best at telling people like don't fight that war, right? Because it's hard. Like you're getting paid to fight their wars. So telling people like it's not worth it, you're gonna hurt your relationship long term, you have like that has to be something that you prioritize. And I tell that to my clients all the time. Like, you know, it's in my best interest to tell you, like, let's go to court, but let's not, like, let's take a step back. And I consider myself lucky that I'm able to do that. That I don't feel that like pressure. Yeah. My husband will probably say, like, you should feel that pressure. It's like, no, tell them, no, but I I I do. I say, like, it's really not worth it. Like, your co-parenting relationship, and your kids need to know that they're not living under conflict. Yeah, and I think that that's uh something that doesn't get stressed enough during the divorce process. People want to win. Your life blew up for lack of a better word, and you're like, okay, if all else fails, at least I'm gonna come out the winner. But what's the winner? What does that mean? Like, prioritize your kids, prioritize, and everyone says that, but I really mean that. Like, it's not about winning against your ex. It's about living, you each have your own life, and your kids have their own lives with each of you that intersect. That doesn't mean that one's better than the other. It means that this is your life with mom, this is your life with dad. Hopefully we can have mutual respect for each other. But that's not always the case. And the best thing is like just totally trash talk your ex in front of your kids. It's the worst thing to do. And you know, with time, I think people do uh get less bitter. I think I think there is this like phenomenon in divorce, like who won a divorce? And I think it's hard for people like account who got married first, and who got you know got more money, and who has a nicer house, and who, you know, has a better relationship with the kids. Like there's all this competition, and I think the best thing to do is like you lead your best life and let him lead his best life, and vice versa. And you let, you know, you let your ex-wife have a good life, go on that vacation, don't make a big deal. She wants to take a vacation with her friends, take the kids, like let her explore herself. On both sides. I'm telling you, it's both it's both sides. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And as long as you are really honest with yourself and say, okay, what do I want from this life? That answer has to be something other than to torture my ex. It has to be to live my most authentic life with my children.

SPEAKER_03 59:53

Thank you so much, Hannah. This is amazing. You want to tell our listeners where to find you?

SPEAKER_00 59:59

Sure. Um, you can find me on Instagram, that lawyerhanna, and also shusteresq.com.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:06

And do you want to tell them about your nonprofit where they can find it?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:09

Yeah. Showmerhabayat.org or um at I don't know, I just said at Showmerhabayat. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:20

On Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:21

On Instagram.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:24

Thank you so much. And you can find me on Instagram at talk to tomorrow with the number two, or on my website at Tamargastetner.com. Thank you so much.