From The West Coast to The Alps 1

In this Q&A, Anita and I had a really open and honest conversation about our journeys in the wellness space and what it’s like to wear so many different hats. We talked about the challenges of balancing our businesses, supporting clients, and still making time for our own health and well-being. We also shared how these responsibilities have affected our personal lives, from our daily routines to our relationships and overall outlook. It was a thoughtful and relatable discussion about the realities of building a career in wellness while trying to stay grounded, healthy, and fulfilled along the way. We hope our conversation resonates with others navigating similar paths.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Good morning, Polly. Or shall I say good evening?

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Good, yeah, good evening. And good morning to you.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Yes, because we're um both tuning in from different time zones. I'm in Los Angeles and Polly here is in Geneva, Switzerland. Right? Um, so I want to just share that it's just an inspiration for us to connect. We had met at a women's awards, um Women Changing the World Awards in London in 2025, yeah, just last year. So we came together to just to connect and get to know each other, and also knowing that you know, having these beautiful spaces to be to be safe to to connect and was really important for women. Um, I know that is for me and Polly, so we connected here to have just a little like coffee and tea time to to check in. And for me, and for you, yes, what are you drinking? Your beverage of choice.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

It's it's peppermint. It's peppermint for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

And it's coffee for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

And coffee for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Okay. Yes. So and in my desire to really just see, you know, to how do we naturally like connect with each other? And and one of those is like, oh, let's just let's just ask each other questions. Like, that's the traditional way of just asking and bite and inviting somebody and to to connect over coffee or tea. And so we came up with like a little question and answer um format. And I hope you would be like, you know, you can join in on join with us and you know, bring your beverage of choice to connect. And so one of my questions for Polly would be timer went up. Oh no, do it again. I was gonna do an intro, but um, yeah, so one of one of the things I would really love to know about you is what has been your greatest struggle and and um and how what has been your greatest struggle? How did you how did you overcome it? And how does that still help you deal with things currently in your life right now, whether that's personal or business?

SPEAKER_01 2:37

That's a very powerful question, and I would say that the greatest struggle that I had before was defining what a stepmother is. So, you know how it is when you're you're a mom, you probably have copied other moms how to be a mother. And when you're a father, you copy how other fathers would do to become a father. And for me, it is being a stepmother, and not just being a stepmother, being a trans woman stepmother. And it was like, who will I look for inspiration to become a trans woman stepmother? I don't know anyone. And um, even if you Google it, Google it, I think you'll have a not a lot of resources, right? So to me, that was my biggest struggle. How to define that role for myself that fits for me and that fits for my family. And I realized, and I think the you know, this is an evolve because we're talking about a role, and role evolves alongside your personal philosophy in life, right? With the wins and losses that you have along the way. And now I would define myself, I define myself, and I think I would still define myself as such, and that would be me standing as a guardian to the kids. I don't even want to call myself a stepmother, but more or less a guardian. Because I just want to be that person that supports them and not really mother them because they have a mother. So I guess it's different if they don't have a mother to begin with. But since they do have a mother, I just want to be that supporting character, a supporting role to them. And that really kind of helped me for the past 10 years of like just being the supporting role, being in that, you know, just trying to rally and be the cheerleader and giving them what they need, just just being that support. So to me, probably that is being that is how a stepmother should be, but I don't know. So there.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I appreciate that. I see that um, wow, you're right. There isn't a lot. Like you tend to, um, at least not not for me, but I I see it in um in friends of mine who are mothers and family members who are mother. It's like how do I how do I role model and who do I become? And I'm glad that it's not really a you know, you spoke about this earlier about not having to just be in a box because of the title that you hold, whether that's a professional license or what you do for work. Um and and that's just so freeing to to hear and no, it is liberating.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Yeah, yeah, it is very liberating. Um liberating in a way that you you get to define to define your terms, define what you want to do, but at the same time, the definition is just guided with your intention of you just want to love the kids. That's your intention, and then you get to define the role that you wish to play through that intention. And that kind of helped me at the end of the day. It's just like, you know, you're just there to love the kids, just love them, period. So yeah, and they're very lovable. So no, it's a different difficult thing to do. They're very lovable. They're very, very lovable kids.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

So yeah, I appreciate that. That's the answer. Can I just go ahead? Well, then, well, then I'm I'd like to segue then go ahead to um how so with that part like in your personal life, how does that translate to your professional life as a business owner and mental health coach?

SPEAKER_01 6:46

I think you can't really separate what you do at home with what you do at work in terms of your guiding principles in life. I think there are principles that exist both in the workplace, which you execute, and at home, which you execute. If you are an empathic person, you cannot be non-empathic in another. That's what I'm trying to say. Right. You always bring that with you, the values that you believe in. And I think to me, who I am at home, who I am with my kids and my husband is the same person that I am as a mental health coach. A mental health coach is just a fancy title. But at the end of the day, you're there to hold space for the person, right? And to me, how it impacted me and how it really helped me is number one, how I can empathize. It's different when you're receiving empathy, when you're the one receiving empathy versus the one giving empathy. When you are receiving empathy, you don't you probably see that as uh a person just wants to help me. But empathy runs deeper because a person is emotionally invested in your development, would really ask questions that are not even asked by someone or not being taught in therapy school. Questions that would seem, ah, that's too personal versus thank you for asking that question because it really hits me. I think that helped me, you know, being being an empathetic person or have developed empathy through the kids, the relationship that I have with the kids, I have have helped me grow how I interact with my clients. And seeing that when a when a client presents a problem, you also get to evaluate your own life as, yeah, one day, I mean, we can't really be assured that I won't be encountering the same problem.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Because someone else's problem might be my problem, maybe my own personal problem years from now. So you get to really listen intently and really reflect. And that's also the same thing that I do with the kids. When the kids tell me what they're experiencing and feeling, I get to go back to my own, I don't know, 19-year-old self and ask myself, what did I go through when I was 19? Was it the same as theirs? And have that, you know, parallel world. So I think that's how it had really helped me. I think that I hope that answered your question, Anita.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Oh, it did. Um, thank you for sharing. Um you mentioned that um, can you can you share a little bit about what empathy is to those folks who don't know, you know, what you know, we hear the word and um but don't really know what that is because they're not familiar.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

I actually encountered that world, that word before in the BPO. The word empathy.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

What is what is BPO?

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Business process outsourcing. So everybody calls it call center. So that was my world before back in the Philippines. And usually we start with empathy. Yeah, there's usually empathy all throughout the call. And we were taught empathy as if the client would say, you know what, I'm frustrated with your company, then you come back and say, I am sorry to hear that. You know, and that is like displaying empathy. And I thought empathy is that, and I think that's correct, it's accurate within the domains of where you can express it. And then I realized that, you know, as as humans, as as a mother now, as a as a guardian, as I would say it, there are things that your kids will share to you that would probably they probably require empathy from parents, such as um, I want to, it's as simple as I want to play more because this is the only time I can play with it with my with my with my friends because it's a holiday or it's a weekend. But as a parent to me, I'm looking at, but I want to spend more time with you, and you have less time with screen time with your friends, and you can spend time with us. But then I realized and step back and ask myself, when I was at this age, what what is it really that I needed? Oh, yeah. When I was at this age, I needed more time with my friends outside. I did not need more time with my family. I would probably go back to my family at night, but this is the time that I can go out and play. So even that, as mundane as that type of example, that you can apply empathy and say, well, when I was young, when I was at that age, what is it really that I needed? And now speaking to this little boy at this age, now I understand why he needs that because when I was young too, I needed that. So I think the mirroring to me helps in defining what empathy is to me. Empathy can be defined too as putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Um I think that's a standard definition, but for me, it's you can reflect and say, I would say mirroring. If that happens to you, what will you do? What will you feel? Right? So if you cannot go past that and think about what will I feel if I'm in that situation too, if you have not experienced that, then you probably have not really fully exercised empathy. Probably compassion, but probably not empathy.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Oh, that's very lengthy explanation of empathy.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

It's okay because it's um no, because it was in your own words to be able to explain to folks, you know, can you empathize with me? Or and not and I'm glad that you explain that. Well, it's not necessarily because I have gone through the same thing as you but what would I can I remove myself and and still be present with you and see so that you can be seen and heard because what you're the emotions that arise from that is valid and that yes and and and that vulner and then that opens the doorway for vulnerability, which then you can then connect and then and like the person and then help that other person like feel like they're not alone. Because we started with that too, I you know, earlier when you said um moving from the Philippines to Geneva. The first year you were so isolated. That's that's so scary to hear, and um surrounded by people, yet you still feel isolation, and with you sharing your experiences of that of what you were going through even though you weren't diagnosed, it sounds like it was leading to that path of age of depression. Yeah, whether that's a major or minor depression or like this down feeling, this darkness, the sadness that comes with it, and come to find out too that anxiety can start that path to um where I don't know if you've heard about this, but it was like folks who share that they're high functioning. It sounds like you came from positions of leadership where because you're leading anywhere between 150 to 200 people, and you're the very top person to handle all of that. Many times I'm sure you have to look like you had it all put together because now you have to handle all of these other people. If they're looking up to you, how do you stay um centered or how do you stay so so you can get the job done and get and manage everybody and then now come to a place where okay, you're now not really connecting with a a bunch of folks anymore, and and leading with some form of purpose and then now manage now it's like oh how do I now it's just myself, but then and then found your way back to being able to come back into a a culture and then a society and learning what it's like to to function again and and you mentioned earlier, oh um not feeling myself. So for people who are in that same situation in their own life when they're not feeling themselves, like what is a kind of like what would you say is like the first thing that would be helpful to be aware of to then know that oh man, I need to seek some kind of support and not necessarily have to go to a psychotherapist or um or a a physical doc, you know, a physical doctor. It's like what are some tools like they can initiate and that that's practical now so that they can at least start.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

I think my first um my experience around um, I mean, it's because I don't want to use a word that are too clinical or anxiety, depression. I would probably use the word isolation as a start um because it's what I experienced. I think that's one thing that people have to watch out for. Um, number one is isolation. How long have you been isolated? Means to say it could be first time, it could be physical isolation. To me, it was physical isolation, emotional isolation, cognitive isolation, psychological isolation isolation, all of that type of isolation, I suppose, because I moved to a country that doesn't speak the language that I know. So people here probably speak English, but they it's not upfront that they will talk to you in English. So the capacity to express myself is lost. So you can just imagine yourself stepping into a world and no one understands you. Even a simple hello, no one understands you, or the microfacial expressions that Filipinos understand with each other and have like the the body bodily cues, it's non-existent. Like, you know, smiling to a stranger doesn't happen here. You just don't like go around and talk to people. It doesn't happen here. So all of those cues are gone. So you just go out into the I I remember me going out to the streets and felt like I was floating because people are not seeing me. Like, no one is doing eye contact here. Or no one, how do I, how do I even begin to interact with people here? You know, so that I was extremely lost. And like, what will I do? So if you have that feeling that no one wants to interact with you, then what do you do? You stay at home, and that's the beginning of isolation. You just put yourself in a corner and hide from people or hide from society or hide from your community because you just feel like there's nothing up there, and the space at home is more safer, etc. So, to me, that's how we would define isolation. But I'm sure it gets better over time, like you get to interact, you get to adapt, blah, blah. That's part of the learning curve. But definitely it's a huge shock looking back. It was a huge shock to my systems. Like, I was not prepared for this. So, to me, for for people who are probably um evaluating their experience in life, always look at have I been isolated and what type of isolation is this? Um, can I still express myself freely to the people around me and do they get me? Is is it happening or not happening? Um, do I, to be as basic as do I understand the language, because I don't understand language, everything is in French. I don't speak French. This is like in 2017. So there were no environmental cues that makes me feel like I'm a functioning citizen or functioning human being in the system. That's what I felt. So look for that cue. Um it may be different from one person to another, but again, isolation in all terms. Always watch out for that. Um, because I think that's also one of the common things people express when they say or when they're diagnosed with depression, anxiety. There's a feeling of isolation, just want to be self-protective and um just want to withdraw themselves from from, I don't know, from from the world, from people around them. So some would some would feel that level of protection. And um I think that's one thing that's what you really have to watch out for in terms of what to do, if you feel that you had been, you have experienced it, like wanting to isolate, wanting to avoid, etc. What I did was during the those times of isolation, is really go back to what I love. Like if if I only if I only have to do one thing in one day for an extended one year, and I have to repeat that every single day, what will I do? That's one thing I'll do again if I'll be in isolation, and that's reading. So I think to me, do something that it's something that you really, really love to do, even if you're in isolation, because because that will help you. That will serve as your oxygen while you're figuring things out. Because, you know, sometimes we have to figure things out. And that might that may mean months of figuring things out. But you have to go back to really do just one thing that you can repeatedly do. And it makes you feel good, it makes you feel alive, it gives you meaning. Still, even if it's just as minor as reading, but it gives you something, you know, stick to that and and anchor yourself on that. And I hope it will speak to you and it will help you move from isolation to I don't know, integration, if there's a word, but at least out of isolation.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

That's a really powerful tool to share with someone who's feeling lost. I think even in busy cities, like I'm in the handle. Um there's multiple people who feel I'm sure they feel like they're not seen, they're not heard, and they repeat. It is very busy. Um things are moving and you know they're very good AI, everything super fast, and information and it's just nice that um to have someone like you who can help both and and help and help them understand like hey, you don't have to be that way, especially in times where you may in whatever situation you are going through, right? Go through many things, different many seasons, and and as life is lifing, it's uh what I'm hearing the under the underlying tone I'm hearing from what you're sharing is not to be isolated, not to be wanting to go through it yourself. Because there's times and periods of being alone that's important to gather energy, you know, to you know, to fill up your cup, to refuel, to recharge. And then there's also that other fine line of like really retreating from yeah, from um just being a part of the world, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Yeah, you have to be part of the main stream of life, I would say. And even isolation can be done now with the technology. You can be in Facebook for the entire day and still feel very isolated, even if you feel hyper connected. Um, you can be with our gadgets, we can be at home and just watch Netflix and still at the end of the day feel isolated, but it's different when you do something or you you for example, for me, it's a different high when I when I get to read a book. Not that I'm a bookworm, not that I'm a not not that I'm a crazy reader, not that I'm a voracious reader, no, I'm not. But there's just it, there's just for me, it's just fun. It speaks a lot to me. And I cannot explain the same high that I get reading versus watching, I don't know, a series in Netflix. There are times too that of course you need you you have fun watching a series in Netflix, but at the end of the day, if I get to choose what activity to do, I would love to have my cup of tea. Like probably this is because of age, right? Cup of tea of a book. Just put myself in a corner and read. So some would love to garden. Gardening to his fun, and they they find it very therapeutic. Do that. So anything you feel you can do with his hands, with your imagination, creativity, do it because I think that really helps for people, especially when they feel isolated or not part of the large group or not part of the, you know, I'm I'm I'm a I'm outside the I'm outside the normal um definition of how it is to be in a fully functioning citizen of a society. Some people would feel that like, you know, I'm not really there yet with these types of people. So they feel like they have to retreat, but you have to incubate something even during that retreat.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Well, thank you so much for sharing, sis. I presented to you some pretty deep questions. I really try to go light you guys, but those are deep questions.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

Difficult to answer, but I managed.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Yeah, so I I think I'll end it at that and um continue drinking my coffee. But I I really appreciate everything that you do and you know what you share. And I also appreciate our time together.