Why Modern Women are Mentally Exhausted From Doing It All

In this episode of She’s Not Done, Andrea and Kouelee get brutally honest about the kind of exhaustion no one really prepares women for — the mental load, emotional burnout, motherhood guilt, relationships, divorce, marriage, and the pressure to “do it all.”

From being touched out by toddlers to carrying the invisible weight of everyone’s schedules, emotions, and needs, this conversation dives into what modern motherhood really feels like behind closed doors. They unpack the difference between traditional and modern women, why so many moms feel emotionally drained before physically tired, and how communication can either save a relationship or slowly destroy it.

The episode also explores friendships in adulthood, learning to say no without guilt, why women struggle to relinquish control, and the emotional role moms play as the “safe place” for their children.

This is the conversation every exhausted woman needs to hear — honest, validating, funny, emotional, and deeply relatable.

Because being exhausted doesn’t mean you’re failing… 

00:00 – Intro + “Women entered the workforce, but men didn’t fully enter the home”
01:15 – Feeling exhausted and finally taking time to rest
03:10 – The difference between modern women and traditional women
05:45 – The pressure of carrying financial, emotional, and household responsibilities
07:30 – Mom guilt, needing breaks, and learning to say no
10:15 – Feeling emotionally “on” 24/7 as a mother
13:00 – Doing everything yourself and the resentment that builds
16:20 – Trust issues in relationships when help never follows through
19:10 – Marriage, communication, and how honest conversations saved their relationship
22:00 – Emotional exhaustion vs. physical exhaustion
25:15 – Mental overload and constantly thinking about the next task
28:40 – Learning to walk away, regroup, and stop fixing everything
31:20 – Friendships as adults and how exhausting one-sided relationships can be
35:00 – Isolation, shutting down, and overstimulation as a mom
38:10 – Being “touched out” and struggling to stay present with kids
41:00 – The invisible mental load moms carry every day
44:15 – Raising daughters differently and breaking generational patterns
47:00 – Double standards for moms vs. dads in parenting
49:10 – The shift happening in younger generations and relationships
51:00 – Final thoughts: learning to say no and remembering you’re not alone

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Were we ready for that kind of independence? Because women have entered the workforce, but men have not really entered the home. So it's just stacking on the responsibilities instead of all right, where's the balance? So sometimes, just sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Hi guys, welcome to She's Not Done. Um, I'm your host, Andrea. And I'm your co-Coley. I'm divorced. And I'm still married. Today we're gonna talk about exhausted. How are you doing today? I'm actually feeling good today. I feel uh I I actually took some time out last week and had a very much needed tenure coming few days to myself, and I can't recommend it enough. So I think today talking about exhaustion is perfect. Yeah. Because I really got to the point where I was just not helping anything or functioning correctly, and nothing was getting my full attention. So I am revamped. Revamped. What's the word I'm looking for? Yeah, revamped. Revamped. Rested, we like rested, yeah. And I'm ready. So how are you feeling?

SPEAKER_01 1:25

I'm good. I think that is like this when my husband is home and can help with the kids, and it's not just me constantly, helps me. So well rested because I got two hands on deck. So two hands on deck. Oh my gosh, that's always nice, right? Yes, which kind of makes me feel bad saying it because you never have two hands on deck, and that's these two, but it is even just four or five minutes. It could change the entire day if I could just have another person here.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Even just taking a minute to yourself and resetting your mind, yeah, or just not feeling I always called it touched out because your little ones are little. Minor team I so I have two girls that are teenagers almost. Yeah, you know, 12 and 15. And yours are little, so they require a lot more physical needs from you.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I do look forward to days where okay, I'm not just gonna have two minutes by myself. I can actually take a 10-15-minute shower um without being interrupted. I I don't know if it's a thing, but I hear my my kids scream. Oh yeah. So yeah, today I would love to talk about being exhausted and what it means when I think about like a modern woman and being exhausted, and then I think about the traditional woman, right? For me, the difference is that a modern woman is working, they still do everything that's at home, right? But on top of that, they're working. So that's the modern woman for me. I don't know what that means for you.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

I picture the modern woman, I agree. It the modern woman now does go to work and carries the the I know a lot of women that carry the financial load, the home load, the child, the you know, all the appointments. I also see the modern woman as somebody now who speaks up for for stronger things, you know, better pay, bringing up stronger children. I don't mean stronger, like I don't want to say stronger children. I mean for girls, I'm bringing up girls. So for me, the modern woman is someone teaching girls to empower them, to strengthen them so they can go out into the real world and and kick its ass, hopefully. That to me is the modern woman. But I agree. The modern woman, when you say traditional woman, I picture a stay-at-home mom raising kids, meeting her husband at the door with a with a you know, a drink and dinner. Yeah. And I think that's long gone. Yeah. I just don't think anybody has firstly it's very rare these days to just have one parent that's working and then be financially stable where everybody wants to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

I'm laughing because sometimes I really wonder if I would want to go back to those times. I feel like we fought for independence, but were we ready for that kind of independence? Because women have entered the workforce, but men have not really entered the home. So I love that. It's just stacking on the responsibilities instead of all right, where's the balance? So sometimes, just sometimes, even though I love working, I don't think I could never work because it it gives me that like joy.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Yeah, I can't picture you not working. Me either.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

But then I sometimes I would love to be a traditional stay-at-home mom. Like back in the days, I would love that. I think the exhaustion was different back then.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

I think it then What was the exhaustion back then? I think just so you're never, I think as a mom, you're never off. Generally, the majority of moms I know, and for me speaking for me, were just never off. Even when you you're lying down and you're sleeping, you hear a noise, it's like, but you you just all I feel like you're constantly on, and that's a form of exhaustion. But back then, I just just exhausted, like you're exhausted all day and you're taking care of the kids and you're running the house, right? And that's basically your your daytime job. And then your husband comes home and now you're taking care of the kids in the house. And back then, the traditional one, you know, you're now you're taking care of your husband. How was your day? Now you have to listen to all of that and emotional. It's like at what point back then did someone stop and take care of mom? I think that like the modern woman, we're learning firstly how to have our careers and raise our children. But I think we're also learning how to say no. Yeah. And then how to give ourselves rest.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

I just learned that not too long ago. I it was definitely mom guilt if I just asked for just to be by myself for five minutes.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

No, what is that?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

But now when he comes home, I have no problem because I've learned now. But when he comes home and I'm really exhausted, I'm going upstairs. I don't even ask or anything. But the fact that I thought I needed to ask, or is it okay if I go upstairs to just lay down? Now I'm just like, no, I'm just gonna go lay down.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

But I felt really guilty towards my kids to just leave them.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

It's that pressure of having to do it all. Yeah. And I wonder if that's society that's pressured us, or if that's in for me, I think part of that is in me. Like I just feel like I have to do it. Who else is gonna do it? Yeah. You know, I need to do that. There's times where I'm exhausted and I'm I don't want to do one more thing, and then one of my kids will ask for something. Yeah. And everything inside me wants to say no because I'm just that done. And then that guilt kicks in, and I'm like, oh, I'll just do this one last thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

And but then I wonder for you, is it easier for you now that they're older? If you were in the same situation, if they were younger, would you feel like you would have less rest?

SPEAKER_00 7:31

I remember being married with little children like you are now, and I was I felt alone and doing it myself, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

So, in a sense, like it hasn't changed for you.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

I think it I don't know how else to explain it. Yeah, you know, like emotionally physically. The only thing that was different back then was financially. Obviously, you know, it was different, but for me, emotionally, physically, and being on hasn't changed, hasn't changed from when I was married to when I was divorced. And that's kind of what happened, you know. Like I was I would try and do more to cater for the other person. Yeah. Oh, well, if I just do this, they'll be less tired. If I just do this, it's one less thing for them to do. And I found that I just kept adding on to my pile and and that their pile was getting less, you know, and I can't talk for them and what they were dealing with, but for the kids and the house and the I mean, listen, I remember putting my baby on my chest and mowing the lawn because it was one less thing that he had to do, and maybe he would have more time for the kids and to be present when he got home, and and that didn't work. So that is so sad. I mean, listen, my kids now mow the lawn.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

There's so many things that I do and I take on, right? Because I'm it, but it was never okay, because then Juan doesn't have to do it. I never thought that way. It was just because I know it's gonna get done and I need it done now, in a sense, or if he wasn't there.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Do you regret saying I got I I'm gonna do that? I got it, I got it, I got it.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yes and no. Yes, in a sense that I don't want my kids to see that. But yes, in a sense that I do want my kids to see that I got it. It's it's yes and no because I love when they see me hang a picture. I love when they see me fix something or when something is broken, mommy, can you fix it? You know, I love that they see that, but at the same time, it's like I wish I could say yes to certain things with less attitude, with less exhaustion in my voice for them. Sometimes I feel like they ask me something and I get so annoyed, and it's hard for me to mask it. So for that part, no, yeah. I I wish that I didn't have it, I don't got it, you know? That's it. Yeah, that I could just say that.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Yeah. I think that comes back down to the to the guilt and the feeling like we we need to do it.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Yeah. I do have a question for you. If you disappeared for a week, what in your life would fall apart? Oh, that's a tough one.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Because I'm an independent contractor, technically, right? So I don't really get to disconnect from my phone because if I don't pick up a client's call, maybe they're gonna call somebody else. I think do you mean like if I left my kids home and disappeared for a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Like, God forbid, something happened and you disappeared. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

I would have to call on I would have to call on my mom village. People would have to, because I I drive my kids to school and back. They don't do the bus. Don't judge me. I did that to myself. And I I do take care of everything, but now they're older. Yeah. Like one can cook and the other one cleans up, and they, you know, there's been times where I've been really sick and the youngest one has given medicine to all the dogs and ran the house and ordered takeouts. So I don't think they're gonna go hungry at this point. I think emotionally they would they would fall apart a little bit, you know, like who are they gonna vent to? Who are they gonna tell their day about? There's certain things that they come home and tell me immediately. There's certain things on the drive to school that they'll only tell me. But that might be.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

I mean, emotionally, just that for you to say, does that make you feel guilty in some way that you are now divorced? That they have one parent that they can rely on. Does that make you feel like God forbid something was to happen?

SPEAKER_00 11:51

It's they they would have to, they would have to adjust. They would have to, they would have to adjust to accepting help from someone that they don't want help from. And that would be a learning lesson for them. Because me saying I got it all the time, you know, I've had this conversation as well. They, you know, there's certain reasons that they don't that they engage with me 99% of their time and not and not the other parent. So they would emotionally, if I disappeared for a week and came back, I would have to emotion, I there would be a lot of emotional like pictures, like yes, because I'm their safe place. So they may have a great week and like get through that week, but then I will get home and it'll I'm their safe place. So it's like, you know, when they say the kid comes, they're great at school, and you're you're like, is it the same kid? And they because when they come home, they completely melt. So there's been times before when I've gone away thinking they're okay for a couple of days, and I've come back and it's been an absolute shit show. They're they're they've melted, they've completely fallen apart, they've been angry at me for going away. And I know that anger's not really aimed at me. There it's it was aimed at the other parent that made them unhappy in those moments. Yeah. But listen, I will say they're 15 and 12, and I just came back from three nights away, which I have never done. I don't, I don't know if I've ever done that. If I have, it's been it's been 10 years, and it was amazing.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

I mean, you deserve it. The fact that it has been that long, yeah, and I've I have only started doing girl strips since last year was the first one, and then this year. You didn't, but again, I come home to yeah, my kids are fed and all that, but emotionally they've missed me. Unfortunately, I think that men are just not as equipped as we are to cater to those needs. Well, at least young girls, you know. I think that if something was to happen to me, I know they'll be okay, you know. Juan is a great dad, they'll have all the fun in the world with him. All the fun, it'll be like a fairy tale until they'll be in Disney World. Literally, but emotionally, I think that they would miss a big chunk of everything that I do for them emotionally.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

And it took it so that's the guilt again, right? Yeah, but then it took me all this time. This I made the decision to go, they were going away with their aunt and uncle, and then they were meeting the whole family somewhere. And I had to tell myself, that is it, you need to disconnect. They're in safe, they're in a safe place with people who love them. And I needed to recharge. And I knew I'd got to a point where if I didn't, if I didn't take those few days, I'm no good to anybody. Yeah. I'm not any good in my job, I'm not any good at home, I'm not, I'm just not and it made all the world difference. But I had to relinquish control and say they're with other people, they're on another, they're with people who love them, and they're on a different routine and they're gonna have a different kind of fun, and I need to take this for myself.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

So that's the question. Is it a control thing with one?

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Or do you think he should No, I I I there's no other. It's definitely a control thing on my part, and I and I know, and that's something that he's been asking for me to let go of without asking, if that makes sense. It's extremely hard for me to do that because you know, there's times in our relationship where I couldn't trust him with things if I asked him something and it wasn't done, and I think that they don't realize that you do lose trust little by little.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Because it's not that, all right, taking the trash out is a big deal. But if I asked you because I need the help, you know, and it didn't get done little by little, anything else that I ask and it doesn't get done, even if it's something little, I'm just gonna do it myself because why? I don't trust you to get it done.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

So and so it does have to do with trust.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

In that three times that you've asked him over the course of an hour, you could have done it.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

I will say that those honest conversations with him have definitely made us stronger in the relationship. Where I think when Adriana was born and the first year, I was exhausted 24-7. Exhausted mentally, physically, and that's what you know almost drove us to getting divorced. The more we we speak on the things that, you know, bother me, bother him, and we make those little changes, the less exhausted I am. Communication. It's huge. It's it's everything. Yeah. I don't think that we would be still here together if it wasn't for communication.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

But thank God that you're able to communicate what you need, and thank God he's able to receive that, not just hear you and then continue about his day. He's able to receive it process, and both of you work at what needs to be done to be more of a team, yeah, unless of a I'm here to help you. Yeah. They're your kids too. You're not here to help me. Yeah. This is this is a group effort.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

For sure. And I think that like, you know, little by little, it's it's not overnight, you know, and I think that's definitely something that is also important that you don't think that change is overnight. Because if you have that notion of, okay, well, I want it now and I want you to change now, and you think that that's gonna happen. Well, good luck. Communication for me is probably the number one reason why I'm not exhausted. Yeah, if there's good communication.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

And that you're still married. Because you went through all those difficult times and you were exhausted, but you realized that communication was important and he heard you and he made changes. That's that's huge. That's why you're married, and that's why I'm divorced. Yes. Well, I mean, that and many other reasons. Many other reasons, yeah. It's it's a really big part of it, and that's what happens when you're exhausted. Now, do you get emotionally tapped out first or physically tapped out?

SPEAKER_01 18:17

So I think that depends on the day. I think that during the week it's emotionally tapped out because I wake up, get everything ready for the kids, we all go to they go to school, I go to work, I pick them up. So by the time it's five o'clock, just emotionally drained. On the weekends, it's me with them because Juan works on Saturdays. So Saturdays, especially, it's physically because I have to figure out everything in the house, but then I'm also taking care of them all day, doing things. So by five o'clock, I'm just physically like touched out.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yeah, touched out. That was such a thing for me, and then that the being touched out then affects your relationship with your partner, yeah. Right? Yeah, emotion. I think emotionally I get tapped out first, and I feel it coming, but it can be, it can be like I've, you know, I've negotiated a really good deal for somebody and it's been accepted. I've dropped the kids at school. Emily's forgot something, so I've dropped it at school and I've negotiated, and I've gone to the office, and I've taken care of the house and I've paid the mortgage because it was due today. All those thoughts, right? All in that one day, and then I've got the kids back home, we've sorted dinner, and and then all of a sudden, you know, a deal falls apart. I put it back together, and then one of the kids is like, Can you help me move my room around? And that is it. I'm like, yeah, I can't do nothing. Yeah, it's emotionally, and it's always something so so minute to somebody from the outside world where I've completely lost my shit. Yeah. But it's usually just the buildup before that emotionally. I can't think about one more thing or take one more question or answer one more phone call. And you know, you still do, yeah, because if you don't do it, who's gonna do it?

SPEAKER_01 20:10

But for me, when I'm exhausted and and Juan is home, I can go to another room. And I could regroup for even two minutes, whatever the case may be. You can't do that. No.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

How do you how do you do it? Now I now I've learned to there was a lot of guilt before, uh, especially there was a long divorce. So I kind of just wanted to say yes. I find myself saying yes to a lot of things and just putting myself on the bottom of the burner. Yes, yeah, I got that, I've got, I've got that, I've got that. You know, I wanted to show them that it was okay. When they were a little bit younger, I could never say no or walk away. But now I can disconnect, you know, like they're I can I can take a minute to myself, go for a walk, run to a hot police class or a spin class, or just just tell them going outside to make a phone call and and and call somebody if I need to. But that's how I can that's what I'm learning to do. I'm learning to it's okay to walk away. You know, we're the three of us are really good at communicating, and sometimes we'll we'll get into something and I'll and one of them will go to walk away and I'll say, listen, I know like this is the communication. Sometimes we have to talk about difficult things, and you gotta just gotta know when that time is and when to say, this isn't this, you know, my 12-year-old. Sometimes when she's in that moment, nothing you say is gonna is gonna she has to go through that moment, her own thought process and her own her own process to to to get through whatever she's working through. And sometimes me not being around is the best thing for her.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

And as a parent, right, like you think you can fix it all. Sometimes, no, sometimes I need to leave her alone. Sometimes I need to step away. And sometimes she needs that space, let alone me, because I I can't fix everything. So I'm learning that I can't fix everything. And you know, when you're in the thick of it, it's really difficult. But then when you see some of your parenting come out in them when they're able to handle a problem or they reach out to their sister with kindness, you're like, Yeah. You know, it's not always like that. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, but when you get that glimpse of it, it makes all of that exhaustion worthwhile. Because I benefit from all of that.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

Yeah. Yeah. What part of your life feels the most exhausting right now? Friendships. I know. It is so hard to make real friends. Like not just friends, like actually real friends that if something goes on, you can actually call them.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Like not Facebook friends, you know what I mean? Like not just when things are good. Yeah. You know, you put your good stuff on on social media. Yeah. You put your happy pictures. You don't put like your kids screaming in the background and you just lost the deal and your mortgage is due. You don't put like those things on. So like a real friendship to me is hey, if I haven't spoken to you for a week, but we can still can we can still connect.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

And you're not mad at me.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

Or forget a week, even like three, four months. Like you've always been that friend to me.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

We have always been that way. Always. I'm so grateful for that.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Because I never there's never any guilt attached.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Never. I've never, even if I didn't talk to you for six months and we've reconnected, it was like I just saw you yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Yeah. We haven't. And it was never like, oh, why didn't you reach out? Or I hate that something. I really hate it.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

No.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

I truly hate it when people are like that.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Because you're exhausted. You you've already made, and then all of us you make the effort, right? And they're like, Well, haven't you called? Yeah. I'm calling you now. I absolutely cannot.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

I don't really get that. You just lost a seat at my table. That's how I see it. I don't even want to be around you.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

If you can't even remotely understand or fathom what is happening that, you know, while you're going through your stuff, I was probably going through my own stuff. I didn't reach out because, you know, I'm mad or whatever. It's my life happened.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

And then I still go to a place of, oh my gosh, they must be having a really tough time right now. But then where do you stop and say, I I can't do this anymore? It can't be just one-sided all the time. So yeah, I think friendships right now is exhausting. Yeah. You know, and then or the lack of communication, or the you know when someone's off, like I'm too old for that. Just tell me. Just tell me what happened. And and maybe maybe I'll fix it, or maybe I won't. And maybe that's your problem, not my problem. Or maybe it's my problem, I need to work on myself. There's such a limited amount of time when you're working full-time and you take care of kids that like you want to spend that time with people you love. Yeah. So the limited time I have is with people I love, I guess. But but it can be I mean the older you get, I think that either way, it when I'm exhausted and and you know, I don't want to get out of the house.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to pick up my phone. You know, I I'm barely hanging on when I'm exhausted. Like it sounds crazy, but truly that's how it feels.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

And that's the question. What takes so the question I have for you is like, what do you do when you get to that disconnect? It's isolation sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

My kids will watch TV so I can have a break. I just shut down and then sometimes I do become mean and I hate that. That's why I try everything that I can to not get to that point or to like wait for my exhaustion to hit when I know my husband is gonna be home because then he could take over.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Isn't that crazy? You have to schedule your exhaustion. This is these are the things I feel like people don't that not everybody gets.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Yeah, I think that that's probably what I hate the most is not being exhausted, is how I turn into for my kids. That I think bothers me the most. Like that's where my mom gill comes from because I get upset quick, I sound like they're annoying me, and I feel really bad about that. But you know, at the same time, I do want them to also understand that yeah, I don't have it all together. Like, I may look like to you in your eyes, I have it all together, but I need a moment to breathe.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

They need to see you're human. It's like they say that your kids should see you cry to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because they're honest as well. Like, no, I don't want to play with you.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Yeah, I should say that to someone at all. She said to Juan, Daddy, do you want to play with me? And I was like, I'm available. And she says, Well, mommy, you're not as much fun. Oh well.

unknown 27:31

Boop.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

I see this is my respite. Oh no. Oh, I've only wanted to play my little pony. Oh my god, I have to be honest about something. When my when they were little, little Emily loved my little pony and she'd want me to play. I would read to my kids all day long. I'll take them hiking, I'll take, I'll teach them about butterflies, but oh my holding these little ponies and pretending that it's fun. Yeah, that's that's that was torture.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Yeah, I and I definitely agree with you. With me, it's just I think the exhaustion, what happens to with me is because I have so many things on my in my brain of yep, of what I need to do, I can't focus. And that's why sometimes like I'm so jealous that Juan comes home and boop, he could just play and turn into the funnest dad. Yeah, you know, but yet here I am and they want to play with me, and I play two minutes. Oh, gotta go do this. Gotta go do that.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Because you know, all the things that are waiting for you, it's so hard.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

It's horrible. That that's definitely also something that I struggle with to be present and to be okay letting go of all right, the house is just gonna be messy.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

Yeah, this is just not gonna get done. Can wait till tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

Yeah, it's just not gonna get done. I can't do that. I have a really hard time doing that. My brain can function until it's done. Until it's done, like to the point where it it's absolutely insane. But my coffee, for example, in the morning, I cannot have one, even one sip of coffee if what I needed to get done is done. Or I can't, even when I walk in the door with the kids and with their backpacks and lunchboxes. Sometimes I don't even take off my coat and I clear everything, I take care of everything, and then once okay, everything is done, I can take off my my coat. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Yeah, and mentally that's the mental load is extremely hard. I actually don't feel physically exhausted until I sit down. Yeah, and it's bedtime. Yeah, it's like my body just keeps going. It is 100%, and I think a lot of people would probably agree. For a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, all of all of for for all of that, I feel like every mom can probably relate to the mental load and the exhaustion, and that that gets to you before before the physical, because I think we just keep going, yeah, physically.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

It's extremely hard for brains to shut down. I would love to see what goes on in a man's brain. I don't teach my girls like, oh, you're only gonna do the cooking, the cleaning, none of that.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Like Emily opened the cupboard the other day, and I went in there and she had the screwdriver and she was fixing the cupboard.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Yeah, it's everything to me.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

That is 100% right there, is a parenting win.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

But that's so that's the question then, right? Because we're teaching them everything. There's nothing I don't want them to know, right? Because I think that back in the days it wasn't the case. You were only taught men were taught to fix things and and girls were taught to cook or clean. So are we creating girls that are also going to be exhausted?

SPEAKER_00 30:50

No, I think we're I think we're hopefully helping them not just learn to say yes, I've got it, but to learn to say, Oh, I'm not doing that. Because like I cannot picture my Emily being in a relationship and and and doing all the cleaning and cooking and going to work full-time. A hundred percent. Like she wouldn't stand free. But I also see the younger generation of men being raised by strong women and strong men that are teaching them. There's a lot of men out there. That's why there's no excuse anymore. There is a lot of men out there. I see a lot of the dads with my kids' friends doing it all. Yeah, they pick them up, drop them off, they work full-time, they get home, the the mom is doing her.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

The teachers and Juan, the teachers love Juan. It's so weird that yeah, he gets the applause for something like he drops them off like every day. He's such a good dad. Love him, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:43

Yeah, and he is a good dad. I'm not saying 100%. But then when I come, it's normal. Such a good mom. Yeah, it's just if you didn't show up, yeah, he's never here. Yeah, yeah. That's the contradictory of yes. So that's so I think that's what we're shifting. I think that's what every like I think a lot of generations are working to shift that dynamic. Like, I see a lot of younger generations being men being more emotionally available, you know, realizing that like I'm not helping you, I'm doing my part.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

But I think it's because of the women in their lives. I I don't think it's because they just woke up and were like, you know what, let me help with this, let me do this. It's had a bit of a way, somehow, whether it's them being raised or the wife complaining about something, the mom complaining about something, the sister, whatever the case may be, the girlfriend, someone said something for them to now little by little, there is a shift where yeah, women don't just take crap anymore. I think you're right.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Yeah. I like seeing the younger generations getting their shit together. It's great. Yeah. Isn't just I do too. It it's stay-at-home dads. Yeah. Women going to work. Yeah, I think there's a mixture of control, a mixture of society, what they expect. I think our grow uh our um upbringing.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Yeah. So and I would love to know like from people watching or listening on my end. Like, what is one thing that you do that helps you feel grounded or less exhausted? Any tips for other moms? Married, non-married, kids, no kids. Yeah, I would love to know.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

That'd be great. Yeah. Yeah. Let us know what what works for you, yeah, and then we can share it. And what works for me, say no.

unknown 33:42

No.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

No explanation. Yeah. Just no. Yeah. That's what I'm trying for this year. Yeah. So you might be exhausted, but you're not alone.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

And you're definitely not done.