She's Not Done

Maybe Work-Life Balance Doesn't Exist

• Kouelee & Andrea • Season 1 • Episode 14

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0:00 | 37:40

Does work-life balance actually exist… or are we chasing a fantasy?

Everyone talks about finding work-life balance—but what if it's something we'll never truly achieve?

In this episode of She's Not Done, we unpack the pressure women face to "do it all" while juggling careers, marriages, motherhood, friendships, and the endless mental load that comes with it. We share our very different experiences—one married, one divorced—and explore how balance looks different in every season of life.

We dive into mom guilt, why women struggle to put themselves first, teaching kids to help around the house, the invisible mental load, and why saying "yes" to one thing often means saying "no" to another.

Maybe the goal isn't balance at all.

Maybe it's building a life that reflects your priorities.


0:00 – Introduction: Does work-life balance exist?

02:15 – Married vs. divorced: Does balance look different?

05:20 – The trade-offs nobody talks about

08:45 – There aren't enough hours in the day

11:30 – Getting kids involved instead of doing everything yourself

15:00 – Chores, independence, and raising capable kids

18:00 – The mental load mothers carry

21:15 – Why making time for your marriage is so difficult

24:30 – Mom guilt and putting yourself last

27:00 – Self-care, habit stacking, and realistic routines

29:45 – Delegating and asking for help

32:00 – Why women are judged differently than men

34:30 – Letting go of guilt and redefining balance

36:00 – Final thoughts: Maybe balance isn't the goal

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee


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SPEAKER_03

I think she won like a beauty pageant or something. And someone was questioning her about how do you do it all and um She's like, why why we why are we asking we don't ask a 50-year-old CEO male of a company with three kids at home how he's doing it all. Yeah. That's where we want equality. Like, why are you asking me that? But it's it's it's great. Like when a man does it, it's normal, but when a woman when a woman is successful and the kids are at home, it's like they automatically think, yeah, that you're not a loving present parent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Or that you have somebody else helping you, or whatever the case may be.

SPEAKER_00

I'm your host, Andrea. I'm still married. I'm still divorced.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and today we're gonna tap into work-life balance. What does that look like? Does it exist? Do you think it exists?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, personally, I don't think it exists. I think that we're chasing a fantasy.

SPEAKER_03

I think it also depends on your personality and what you're willing to let go of. Right? Like and your marital marital marital situation. Should be me struggling with those words a little bit.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Right? Like because if I think of you and work-life balance in my opinion, I could be wrong, you can correct me. It is easier for you now that you're not married because you don't have to think of someone else's life, right? So I your life took a back seat. Yes. Because you were married, and because you guys made the decision to stay at home raising the kids, not really a back seat because that was your decision. That's what you guys decided.

SPEAKER_03

My career took a back seat. Your career took a back seat. And my kids took the front seat, which they will always be in the front seat.

SPEAKER_01

So because of that, I think that because you had to factor in someone else and they had their dreams that they were going after, yeah, you're obviously work-life balance for you didn't exist. Whereas I think now it exists, maybe it's still non-existent because there's just so much going on and you have to find rhythm and whatever. But is it easier for you now that you're divorced?

SPEAKER_03

Uh emotionally, things are easier. Yeah. Right. But like some of the things that I love to do, for instance, during marriage, my ex-husband built his career. He didn't have to think about schedules, kids, school, nothing. I was home and I would take care of the kids, the house. But I would also, you know, bake fresh bread and garden and grow my grow our own vegetables and things like that. So, you know, now. Yeah. Yeah. And listen, on Sunday I did spend like seven hours in the garden to get it back, to, to cut it back down again because I want to make time for that. Yeah. So now I'm finding my groove again and getting into a balance and learning that when I'm quiet with my job, it's okay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You have to be flexible. I'm a flexible person when it comes to like life and and and work and kids and doing things last minute. I kind of wing a lot of stuff. So when I was a stay-at-home mum, those are the things there was a lot of grueling and scheduling and all that. But there were things that I really enjoyed doing, like the gardening and baking and things like that with the kids. That when I went through the divorce and I was on my own, I no longer had time for those things. Because now I'm working full-time, but I'm still doing the same things as I did with the kids before. Schedule, make sure I'm there. And so that's kind of one of the things that you know I wanted to talk about today was when you're the balance. What does balance look like? Because it's going to look different for everybody. For me, balance would be a successful career, which I I now have and I'm very proud of. Content kids, it's not always going to be that content because they are teenage girls. And just making time for the things that I used to love. And I don't know if I stopped doing them because of time or energy. I don't know which one it was. You know, like I am tired a lot, but I don't, or if during the divorce process I just lost my spark and I didn't enjoy any of anything besides my kids, you know what I mean? So I'm trying to figure that out now. I'm at the other end, it's been years, like everything's positive in the home. So I'm trying to figure out how I can fit the things that I love back in and not let go of of jobs and opportunities and show up for field hockey and principles list. It's you gotta be able to move a lot of things consistently to show up. What does work-life balance look like? What would the ideal work-life balance look like for you?

SPEAKER_01

So I think to begin with, for me, I don't think it exists. I think that, and I don't know if you remember the book that I gave you, I don't know if you read it, the Start with Yourself, Emma Greed, and she talks about the trade-offs that you have to make in life in order to have the things that you want. There's always going to be a trade-off. There to me, there's no such thing as a work-life balance. You know, there's no such I don't know. I there's no such thing. Like I think it's- I think the word balance means like how do you balance work and life? Right. Well, how do you? I I don't balance it. My schedule for me, I can only work a certain amount of time. It's not me making that decision in a sense where I have the option. I can only work from this time to this time, then I have to pick up my kids. So that's why I'm saying I don't think it's a work-life balance. I have to do that. Right. I don't have an option. It's not like I'm like, okay, so I'm gonna work from nine to twelve. I mean, I guess I could. I could if I and say I can I just want to work from nine to twelve and then do whatever I want to do and then pick up my kids, you know. I think that, but to answer your question, if there was such a thing for me, I think that it would be having the ability to obviously make the money that I make. I mean, I guess I have it.

SPEAKER_03

I'm glad we were able to talk this through.

SPEAKER_01

Meaning, in a sense that I I don't think I could change anything as far as my work-life balance because I get to pick up my kids when they come out of school.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I get to be with them. I think that the only work-life balance that I would like is just more hours in the day. I feel like the days are too short and I don't get enough done that I would like to get done. Right. On the weekends, Juan works on Saturdays, so I don't get to do as much. However, I could be like my sister who's extraordinary with her kids, and that's something I probably want to implement in my life where they help around the house. Like I started putting chores on like little popsicle sticks. I did say that downstairs. Yeah. That's cute. And so so that they start being integrated into the home, right? I not that I don't believe in that, I fully believe in that. It's just that it's easier when I do it. Integrated. What does that mean? Integrated? Integrated. Oh, enter integrated. But like, for example, they needed yard work done, right? Because they wanted to move their trampoline from one end to they wanted to build the trampoline, move it from one end and put it somewhere and move the shed from one end to another. Right. And so in order to do that, they needed to remove the sandbox that was there, rake the yard, take out the dirt to put dirt in there. And the kids did all that. Not moving the shed and whatnot, but they did, they took the dirt and raked the yard and whatever. And basically, stuff that you also do where you would just get your kids involved in it. I don't do that. I don't do a good job at that. I just do it myself.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's a control thing, right?

SPEAKER_01

Like, yeah. So, like this weekend, for example, I bought mo I bought bought mulch. Mulch. That's what it's called.

SPEAKER_03

I think so. Mulch. Mulch. Yeah. I guess it's tomato tomorrow.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Made it tomato. Tomo. Tomato. Tomato. Tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01

Is it that good? So I I bought mulch because we need mulch around the trees in the front yard, and we're gonna do it together. So I'm really proud of that. That you know, we're gonna I bought them gloves. Not that they need them, but I think they'll enjoy doing it. I bought them like uh gardening tools, like a how do you call it?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

A wheelbarrow. A wheelbarrow. I bought them that and tools and a rake and whatnot, and we're gonna do it together. Yeah. So I think that to me is part of work-life balance where you integrate. That would be the ideal work-life balance where your children help you with the things that you need to do. Yeah. I think that would be for me the perfect life balance.

SPEAKER_03

Well, you're teaching them skills as well. You're teaching them problem solving, they're moving their bodies, they're outside, they're away from the TV. You know what I mean? Like it's the same, even with the older girls. Actually, I just had this whole conversation with Emily. Arya's really good at doing her chores. I mean, she'll clean the kitchen, empty the dishwasher. She's been doing laundry the last few weeks, and and she's been doing the laundry. Whereas Em will be like, okay, yeah, that's my chore, and then never do it. Never do it. So then it's a battle. So then I'm like, okay, let's switch chores. I'm not completely unreasonable. Yeah. Let's find something you will do. So we've tried that a few times. This weekend, I said, listen, take you to the show on Saturday, but on Sunday, I want us to do the gardens.

SPEAKER_01

By the way, sorry to cut you off, that show I heard was supposed to be one of the most amazing shows.

SPEAKER_03

It was phenomenal. Yeah. I think this is the 11th show I've seen.

SPEAKER_01

What is it called again?

SPEAKER_03

Lost Boys. Did you ever watch the movie? No. All right, you gotta watch even though there was a movie. There's a movie, Lost Boys, that I absolutely loved growing up. So when I seen this come to Broadway, I think this is my 10th or 11th show. And Emily's probably been to nine of them with me. This by far was the best. The best of the best. The singing, I mean, it was just it was the whole from start to finish. I loved every second of it.

SPEAKER_01

My sister's coming in, she said she wanted to go see a show, but I don't think that's Holulu. Because we wanted to go with Adriana.

SPEAKER_03

No. Yeah, I I have some suggestions for that. So anyway, it was it was fantastic and definitely worth going to see. I'm gonna tell you a story after about what happened whilst we were there that included a diet Pepsi that wasn't a diet Pepsi. Yeah, wild. So I'll tell you that after. I know. So I yeah, so I said to Emily Sunday, we're gonna do the garden, and like I kind of laid again, it's for me the work-life balance is by the time I get to be able to do the things I love, I also haven't had a rest day. Yeah, so it's like but when I rest, I feel guilty. Yeah, so part of this is my fault, and I know that. So I kind of Sunday went and did seven, six, seven hours of gardening. And Emily didn't didn't come out and join me. And I'm out there for a little bit seething a little bit, I'm not gonna lie. I'm like, and then I kind of got over it the more I did it, and I said, you know what, Em, that's not fair. You did the fun stuff, but you didn't do like what we had talked about. So Emily being the smart kid she is, she cleaned the kitchen, made me a sandwich, and bought me the sandwich. You know, look, mommy, I made you lunch. She's a problem solver, yeah, right? She definitely didn't want to get her hands dirty. She knew I was annoyed.

SPEAKER_01

That's what she wants.

SPEAKER_03

And she knew exactly how to shut me up by just feeding me. So she helped. Just not in the way that we had initially thought she was gonna help.

SPEAKER_01

But she still helped. Honestly, it was probably more helpful that she fed me because But I think that it's also probably easier for you because they're older, if that makes sense. Because now for me, and I get what you're saying is about not having a rest day. I don't have a rest day, right? Because I don't have a day off during the week. I have Saturday and Sunday off, which is wonderful, but then Saturdays I'm by myself with the kids. So I don't really get like a rest day where, all right, let me do whatever I want or I can by myself. And also because they're literal, it's on a Saturday when I have all these things that I want to do, like clean the house, get everything in order, do laundry, whatever the case may be. That's what I'm saying. I think I should incorporate them 100% in that task so that I don't feel as guilty because a lot of times I'm like, they're like, Oh, can we play? And I'm like, Yeah, but I just gotta finish this. But I gotta do this. Yeah, I gotta do that.

SPEAKER_03

So the way I word that now is I'm like, hey girls, can we all pull together so we can all relax for a little bit?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because if if I like that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you know, like yeah, I don't know if that'll work with my kids, but well, they definitely mine definitely get downtime.

SPEAKER_03

They they have their own time, they do their own thing. But like when there's things to be done, I really I I do. I'm like, come on, let's do it together. And again, I it's never a battle with Arya doing chores. Yeah. Like I don't it she's just that way. Emily doesn't like doing certain things, but Yeah, I think that would be Sophia. Yes, but she'll she'll cook and and feed everybody. You know what I mean? Like, there's so I have to find your battles because I have to find the things that she's gonna do without because I then if I'm repeating myself and constantly asking. Yeah, then you get angry, then it's just a whole different situation. And the other thing is it's so tempting. This is where this is where you have to, and I know this is gonna be a struggle. I think this is gonna be a struggle for you. When I ask her to do something and she doesn't do it, and then I ask her again and she doesn't do it, and then I remind her again that she and she right, we're in a pattern of repeat. It I'm gonna tell you right now, it is so much easier for me to go and do that thing. But if I do that thing, she hasn't learned anything.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, I don't even get to the second time.

SPEAKER_03

So that's what I'm saying. And it's really, really difficult. Yeah. And and as annoyed as I am, and as much as I don't want to ask her again, and I could just do it, I know long term that's not gonna help her.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. That's for sure something I need to work on a hundred percent. It's annoying. It is But I'm excited to do it, if that makes sense. I'm excited to take that task on just because even before, like I used to, they used to help me cook or make a bake a cake or whatever the case may be. And they would do it themselves, and I would get upset if they would make a mess. Now I'm just like it is what it is. They're just doing it because otherwise, me correcting them is gonna make them feel like they don't know how to do it, they can't do it, they're not capable of doing it. So I don't want to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_03

They're gonna question themselves. Yeah. Or their confidence is not gonna it's all about confidence.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so yeah, I think that for me, that's what work-life balance is, is to make sure that in my life I incorporate them in order to have some sort of balance.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and on top of that, I mean, I know you you ask me all the time, like, is it easier now that you're divorced? It bothers me? No, no. Oh, I don't know. Some parts are easier, right? But so like for you, I know it's gotta be hard to make time for your husband. Because I know me being where I mean, it it's slightly different, right? But me making time for dating is near impossible.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that that's a conversation that we've definitely have had. And Juan is very big on you have to keep the marriage alive. Right. Because when the kids are out of the house, it's just gonna be me and you. Yeah. And so while I completely understand it, it's also much harder for me to work on that than it is for him. You know what I mean? Because I carry a completely different mental load than he does.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, but I am working on like getting better. Like, for example, I think it was last Saturday, we had a something going on for his cousin, and then he wanted to go to a, I think, a comedy show after, and he says, Oh, you think we can go? And I actually felt bad saying no, but here's the thing in that same week, Sophia stopped napping. We're not talking about dropping her nap from for a 30-minute nap. It's a two, three-hour nap. She's just not trying at all now? Not at all. So she stopped napping in that same week, right? That Monday it started. And the event was Saturday, and he had asked to go on Saturday after that. Not only that, I took her to the dentist, and the dentist said that she needs to stop her pacifier. Usually they're fine stopping at age three, but because she has a crossbite, she needs to stop before she turns three because those two months do make a big difference. Yeah. So we had to have the passy fairy come, right? And no nap in the same week. And no nap in that same week. So that was Monday. I had to because once the dentist told me that, I'm not putting that on my child that it's gonna be either way. We knew we're gonna have to stop the pacifier, but we were gonna stop around three. We kept telling her and telling her. And then yeah, didn't think it was gonna happen that fast. But then once the dentist said that, I was like, all right, just gotta go. So pacifier came Friday night. So Saturday, no nap. I get no break because that was the only break I would get on a Saturday, is when she she naps those two, three hours, and Adriana and I would just have some downtime. No nap, no pacifier. She was absolutely nuts, crying for her pacifier over and over and over. Then we had the event at his cousins. They were so tired, especially Sophia from crying. There was no way I was going to leave them with a babysitter for me to go enjoy a show. You wouldn't enjoy any part of that. Because I knew that the babysitter was gonna have the hardest time. It was gonna be her first night without her pacifier. She needed to fall asleep. I'm not doing that to somebody else, let alone to my kid. Right. You know, so it's it's things like that where it's not that I didn't want to make the time.

SPEAKER_03

That's also the balance and it's also the mental load of the mom most of the time is Juan is like, well, there's a babysitter and she's gonna be fine. And he's not, listen, he's not wrong.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

There is a babysitter and your child's gonna be fine. They're gonna be safe. But as a mom, correct.

SPEAKER_01

You're not going to and I'm not willing to jeopardize that to go and sit have fun because I'm not gonna have fun. Right. Constantly going to be worried whether or not she's actually because I saw how hysterical she was, right? Is that gonna be the case?

SPEAKER_03

And I listen, it I think other moms who would have gone out in that moment, that's phenomenal. And I'm really proud of them because they can't. I love that for them.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I just can't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I agree.

SPEAKER_01

When it comes to when when it comes to them and their feelings and their mental state, I have a hard time separating myself from that. Yeah. Very hard time. Now, would none of that have happened? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_03

But you see, if that's where it's all a sequence of events, when it comes to balance, yeah. You could plan a hundred you could plan everything and get everything perfect and right at the last minute, something goes wrong. It's like you have to be, I feel like when you've got kids, especially little ones, you have to be able to be adjustable and wing it.

SPEAKER_01

Oh well, that's probably the only thing I am adjustable with is when it comes to their well-being.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know if actually I'm adjustable. I'm not bending.

SPEAKER_03

No, like I'm you'll cancel whatever you need to cancel to.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not gonna keep going with something if I know my kid is not gonna be like I don't overbook my kids either. I know they're not gonna be able to handle it. I'm not doing it. And it's not a good idea. I don't care whose event it is. Right.

SPEAKER_03

Not my problem. It's not that important that you're gonna miss us that much.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, am I even? And if it and if we are, then that's crazy. It is because your family should come first. Right.

SPEAKER_03

Anybody nobody who loves you is gonna be upset that you've put your kids. Yeah. And I still do that now at their age. Some people do that. They're not your people maybe.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Right? Yeah. But even now I b I cancel things for for them. And people think they're older and they can stay home alone or but Yeah, they can. You're right. Guess what? They're not going to be home in four years. Like one of them's not going to be home in four years, yeah. So that's the other thing. Work work life balance.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Forget I mean, I know that we're gonna do another we're gonna do a one of these about, you know, dating after divorce. But making time for that or making time for small talks. It's how do you fit the things in that are reported you? And by the time you get to the end of the day, like the one.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that is actually harder. Now, that is one thing that is harder since we're on that topic on work-life balance, where when you are divorced, making time for someone else when it's just you is harder. Right. Because me, I see friends when I know Juan is at home with the kids.

SPEAKER_03

Correct.

SPEAKER_01

And yeah, your girls are older and it's it might be a little different, but but now there's other aspects of that too.

SPEAKER_03

You know, and if again, we're we're gonna get into that, I'm sure, on another on another day, but it's it's it's a it's hard to balance. Yeah. I balance the things that are really important, which are the kids, my career, yeah, and everything else that I can fit in feels great.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I one of the things that I would like to know in general is so I pick my battles as to the wins that I can be happy with, if that makes sense, right? So I'll never skip my skincare in the morning. However, at night, non-existent. Right. I wish I could, but nine times out of ten, I fall asleep with the girls.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'm so exhausted, I don't even want to do my skincare. Right. Like those are the things where I'm just like, I need to make time for it. I need to I need to switch something in my routine where, like, for example, in my head, I'm thinking, all right, now when I give them a bath at night, I'm just gonna bring my skincare and do it then. Yeah. It's like habit stacking. I have to do that because otherwise it's just not gonna happen. But it's really something I want to make time for.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Yeah. So then you have to move something to make time for that. Put it together in order. Yeah. See, I think about that as well with working out. I was a fanatic for working out, and then I the last I have to say, insane.

SPEAKER_01

Like, I love that. I've just never, I'm not like that, but you have always, ever since I've known you, made time.

SPEAKER_03

But I but the last year I have not. But I'm picking it back up with that though. I how do I make time for it?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, since I've known you. Oh, because it was always whether it was running outside, hot yoga, boot boot camp. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because I know for my mental health, I need it. And physically I want to feel a certain way. And whether it's superficial or not, I don't I want to f look a certain way. Yeah, I don't think it's superficial. I want to put my jeans on and feel good. And when I put them on and I don't feel good, I'm like, ugh. But again, it's one of those things where I have to just put my shoes on and get out the door. So even if it's just a walk right now, at least it was more than yesterday. Even if it's a Pilates class, it was more than I did. But I my routine was boot camp five days a week.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And then anything else I could fit in. And I did what you did, what you just talked about skincare for the hot yoga.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I, when I was a stay-at-home mom, I would go and work at the studio three days a week, you know, three nights a week, and I'd make take the class while I was working. You know, so those are all things that I've had to give up since being a divorce single mom.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that's why I'm saying there's trade-offs. That was my trade-off.

SPEAKER_01

So now I don't anything. Something will take a back seat if you want to make priority for something else. Right. That's why I'm saying I don't think, for me at least, I don't think there's such a thing as work-life balance. I think it's more I don't know, I think life exhaustion.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I'm more, I'm more in my back into a different groove now. And I am making time to work out four times a week. And even the other day, I was just sitting around and I was exhausted and and and I started working out. And I was like, okay, sometimes it's just about moving that muscle for like a split second, and it can change your whole day. Yeah. A part of work-life balance. Now I'm getting back into a groove. I'm making time for things that I know are really important, right?

SPEAKER_01

So But do you think it's work-life balance or it's more in alignment with your priorities?

SPEAKER_03

You know what I mean? Both. I think it works, those two things go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. I just feel like when people say work-life balance, there's no such thing as work-life balance. You have to have a job. Yeah, but those people just have life life balance. You know what I mean? But I feel like if you if this is something you have to have and you don't have a choice as to what your hours are going to be, you have to work 40 hours, you have to work, you know, whatever the case may be. I feel like there's no such thing as I feel like I'm lucky, right?

SPEAKER_03

Because I've I've built a career. It is seven days a week, yeah. But I built a career on a scale, self-employed. So I make my own time, right? So I can still the my priority that I feel like it fits correct more. Where, yeah. And the way I am, and the way I just I don't want to say wear life like a loose garment, but like I'm able to go with the flow. Yeah. So I think that's fantastic for my career. Yeah, right. I do love that. Somebody could call me right now and say I want to look at a house at seven o'clock. I'm 90% of the time, I'm adjustable to that. Right. Or if you know, if I'm dropping a kid off at seven, I can meet them at 7.30. So I'm lucky. I've I've made my life that I've got to do that.

SPEAKER_01

I think you've created correct. I think you've created your perfect work-life balance. Right. I think in that sense, when you're self-employed like you, you can create a work-life balance. For me, I feel like I can't, I have to be there. There's no such thing of I can't be there.

SPEAKER_03

I have to go. With the with my choices, though, there's also a risk. Yeah. I don't get a I don't get paid every two weeks, right? So I also have to be financially independent, financially stable, and and not fuck up my shit. Like I need to know. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

That's a scary place to be in, just by the way. I could never do that.

SPEAKER_03

I had four closings in January. I knew that that was like I had to budget. Yeah, I that's extremely scary to me. Right. I it it just doesn't computent. Yeah. And it works for me. Yeah. Although now I'm now I'm getting back into like the groove of life in general, right? Like everything's falling into place. The career that I've built is is in a place where I'm the workers paid off.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And I still work really hard, but it's like now I don't panic as much. Yeah. My home is amazing. Safe and secure and peaceful. And my kids are helpful now. But there are issues, like, yes, they're older and they can help more. But with that, other things come up that stress me out too. Like Emily's driving now. She drove here. You know, like there's certain things that come with that that also are is stressful. Yeah. Now I'm at a point where I'm like, okay, I've got that figured out, that figured out. I really need to make more time for me and for what I love. And that's getting back to working out again and getting back to like growing our own vegetables and things.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I mean, I I think it's extremely important to have some sort of balance or happiness in your life, something that brings you joy. Absolutely. Or things that, you know, like me, like with the skincare, I really want to do that to be able to do that at night.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna have to figure out how I'm going to do that, you know, and and or have the girls help me do different things so that we could do it together and there's more time together, right? Instead of, you know, them playing and me doing something else. Right.

SPEAKER_03

Like what that's and that's I think is where women are fantastic at multitasking. Yeah. They're fantastic at problem solving, they're fantastic at running a company, running a home. So you were already trying to figure it out on your own, by the way. Because in my head, I'm like, well, why can't one give them a bath? However, you're not here. Because he's not here. Yeah. So long term, like I'm already thinking, okay, so Lulu can you could teach Lulu to like put the bath on.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Why Sophia is brushing her teeth. You know what I mean? And you're doing it, yeah. Yeah. But we're constantly having to evolve and change and move and problem solve. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But I I am excited about that part of my life to get to a point where I get to do more things that bring me joy, but then sometimes I'm just like, I just want to go to bed because I'm so tired. I haven't watched a movie. I don't remember the last time, un unless it's movie night with the girls, which I don't consider a movie for me. I haven't watched a movie. Yeah. I cannot even tell you when was the last time I watched a movie. The last time I wanted to watch a movie, which was Harry Potter, I was so excited to watch Harry Potter, put them to bed, turned on the movie, literally, and I'm just like, oh my God, I'm so excited. Sophia woke up and came with me in the bed. Yeah. That was the last time I attempted to watch a movie. That was three months ago or something like that.

SPEAKER_03

So I think as well. That's what I was gonna touch on. You have to be okay saying that can wait till tomorrow, right? When you put yourself first. So you gotta be okay saying, like, I'm gonna leave the kitchen till tomorrow because I need to do this for me. And I know sometimes that's like a really difficult thing to do.

SPEAKER_01

Oh that.

SPEAKER_03

And also if you're in a position where you can, you have to be you delegate, right? So, for instance, the other week I had to clean the gutters, mow the lawn, show a home. I was negotiating an offer, and the kids needed to go to two different places. I was like, how am I gonna get all that done? So now stressing, stressing. And I reached out to someone, paid them to mow the lawn, and I was like immediately relieved. So where they're mowing the lawn, I'm cleaning the gutters. Yep.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, that's where Juan is excellent at because he just doesn't want to do it. So he'll find someone that will do it.

SPEAKER_03

And if you're in a position to do that, it's great. Like I can't do that all the time. But it was such it was in that moment, it was worth every penny. I could afford it, and I was able to free up my schedule. Yeah. And that offer that I was talking about went under contract. So by not doing that and concentrating on that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you you said no to something, some something else got a yes.

SPEAKER_03

Right. So it's it is being it listen, it's not always easy. It's exhausting. I I do think that we as women we need to put ourselves first more.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure. And we will all I feel like I mean, we we tend to just put our kids always first, which you know, I think it's normal. I I I don't think there's anything wrong. But I will say, Boca, for example, and I don't know if I could say she puts herself first, you know what I mean? Because she puts her her kids definitely first, but I'm saying she makes that time, she finds the time to do the things that she loves. And I've always admired that about her. Yeah. That no matter what, she will take the time to do the things that she loves in her heart. Because we have to be fulfilled, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I want to get to that place, I want to be able to to because for me, and I'm sure she feels guilty about a whole lot of things, but I think she would feel more guilty not being able to do the things that she loved because then she's gonna be miserable. Right. You know what I mean? I have to let go of that guilt, yeah. And do that.

SPEAKER_03

Guilt is a huge issue.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think that's definitely part of that. Guilt and fear. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

If I don't do it, who's gonna do it? Yeah. Uh or if I put myself first, what are other people gonna think of me? Yeah. I know that's oh. Right? I mean, it is. You don't know where that comes from.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, usually when you see something like that, the first reaction people have is wow, she must not love her kids. That's usually the first reaction. When they see a woman that's taking care of herself excelling at in her career or whatever she's doing, it's always like, ugh, she might not be loving her kids.

SPEAKER_03

She might not be doing anything with her kids. There was someone the other day, I think it was like a oh my gosh. I think she won like a beauty pageant, mate, or something. And someone was questioning her about how do you do all and she's like, What why are we why we ask we don't ask him a 50-year-old CEO male of a company with three kids at home how he's doing it all? Yeah. That's where we want equality. Like, why are you asking me that? That is so true. But it's it's it's right. Yeah, like when a man does it, it's normal. But when a woman, when a woman is successful and the kids are at home, it's like they automatically think that you're not a loving present parent.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, or that you have somebody else helping you, or whatever the case may be. Which is probably accurate, and that's okay, right, yeah. I again I think that's for me the woman. Yeah, and and again, for me, the probably my biggest issue is the fact that I carry so much guilt, and that's on me.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

If I let go of that guilt, I could be so much happier. Yeah, because my kids will be fine. So that I didn't I'm making it seem like my kids are gonna grow up being damaged because I wanted to do my skincare. But yet my mom was never around because she was working crazy hours. Yeah, I turned out fine. Debateable. But you know what I mean? Um, I would definitely would want to know how anyone manages a you know existing, non-existing work-life balance. Any tips on how you do that?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Sorry, I'm like thinking about. I wonder if there are people out there that have a fantastic balance and how do they do that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

How do you get there? Help, no help, you know, habit stacking, no help. Or maybe we're all just maybe we're all just uh struggling. Yeah. You know, maybe that's why we're all tired and maybe a little bit cranky.

SPEAKER_01

But you know, you may have a work-life balance that works for you or not, but either way.

SPEAKER_00

You're definitely not alone. And you're definitely not done. Till the next time. Bye.