The Postpartum Gap: Building Support and Connection for New Parents

In this episode, we talk with guest speaker Maria about the challenges new parents face postpartum, including isolation, lack of support, and the need for community during the transition into parenthood. We also explore how her business, In Kind Boxes, is helping families feel seen and supported through thoughtfully curated postpartum care boxes designed to nurture parents after birth.

Blog post: https://www.functionalfourthtrimester.com/blog

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to Functional Fourth Trimester, a podcast created to support new parents as they return to daily life after having a baby.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Each episode will talk through common postpartum challenges, share practical education and strategies, and hear from real parents and healthcare professionals along the way.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Whether you're listening during a feeding, a walk, or a quiet moment, this space is for you. I'm Lauren.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

And I'm Melissa, and we're excited to jump right into today's topic.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

We spend so much time preparing for birth. But what about everything that comes after? For many new parents, the lack of support, resources, and care in postpartum can come as a shock. Today, we're talking about that gap and hearing one mother's experience navigating a difficult season without the necessary support.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

I'm excited to welcome our guest today, Maria. She's a Canadian mom living in the United States. She has three boys, and her work creating business in kind boxes has been featured on Good Morning America and Entrepreneur. She's passionate about helping support new parents as they transition into parenthood. Welcome, Maria.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Hi.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Thank you very much for having me. Yeah, we're so glad that you joined us today. I would love to start off with just hearing a little bit about your own postpartum experience and kind of when did you start noticing that lack of support?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Um, so I have three boys, as mentioned, and my first son I had while we were living in Canada. And I would say just like the difference between having him there versus having my second and third sons in Oregon, that's where we live, was pretty different because just generally, like culturally in Canada, it's a time where like they nurture families, and it's just like overall understood that that is a really important time for moms to be home with their kids, for families to be together. There's lots of caring for baby, but also for the mom or birthing parent. Like they want you, they come to your home after you get home from the hospital and like nurses check up on you, there's lactation consulting. It's just like all part of it. You don't have to like advocate for yourself and be like really educated and be a voice for yourself as much as you do here and the postpartum checkup in the US. It was like one checkup at six weeks, and my provider was mostly concerned with like providing me birth control, um, writing a prescription, and then that was pretty much it.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

So, did you, with the two that you had in the US, did you end up doing any sort of like additional in-home things after? Or is that kind of when you first noticed, like, oh wait, this is not a thing?

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Yeah, I I was flabbergasted, I think is the word, and kind of just like I just I couldn't believe it. Like the mom friends that I was making uh when I had my middle, they would tell me, like, oh, I'm so lucky, I get like six weeks off work or eight weeks, and I have to use all of my sick leave, and you know, like paternity leave wasn't even a thing, and it's just so wild to me that like you're basically still bleeding from delivery, and then you're expected to go back to work. It's so insane. And then to take this tiny baby and like drop it off at daycare, and uh, it just it broke my heart and it made me mad and frustrated, and I just was so surprised that like everyone was just accepting that that was the norm. And I'm like, you don't know better, so this makes sense. But I just my heart broke for those families.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

It had to be hard for you too, because I'm assuming that you come from Canada into the United States, you're having baby too. You probably kind of expected maybe a little bit of the same thing, or were you prepared that there wasn't really a lot for you? You have the baby, you go home, and they're like, good luck.

unknown 4:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Um, I was expecting more, I think mostly because you have to pay for health insurance here. Like I thought because you're paying that there would be services provided as part of it, because in Canada you don't pay. And so I was just like, wow, it's just really just about like money. And yeah, a caveat to that also is that we had to pay out of pocket for my middle because I had a pre-existing condition um being pregnant, um, which changed the month he was born. Um, so then his delivery was covered. But that aside, I just the whole postpartum experience is like right now it feels there's a lot of encouragement to have babies, but once the baby is here, all services are being reduced or cut back, and that postpartum support is like very obviously not a priority here. But it's much needed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

And I think too, it's so nice because I feel like, I mean, at least in like the occupational therapy world, like I'm hearing more and more people getting involved in postpartum care and like more and more services, like you created a business, like more people recognizing this gap and like, okay, I'm gonna do something about it. Um so I think that that makes me hopeful in terms of that. But I agree that it like it still blows my mind that I'm like, because I haven't had any babies yet myself, but I'm like, it blows my mind that you just go home and you could be like really physically not even a little bit healed yet, and you're like taking care of a whole new child, your whole routine is different. Um, you may or may not have like a ton of support and help from family and friends. So I think that's just always one of those things that I'm like, the that you're expected to just be able to do that is always shocking to me.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Yeah, that there's this like notion that you're super mom and you should be doing it all by yourself. Um, and like I am a very independent person, and so I I liked my independence and like figuring things out, and I wished that I had asked for more help, and like as I had more kids, I had built a village of support and friends um so that became easier, but yeah, I just think the village of services and the amount of like knowledge that you need to have in order to be able to advocate your for yourself is like beyond what you should have. It should just be in the system to provide that care for you and and be have have that support available.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

I think you made a really good statement. You said you wished you had asked for more help. Yeah. And I think that um, at least in like our society, it's almost as though you do it yourself. You're a super mom. Like you can do it, you don't need anybody, but we do. We do need people, and we should ask for help because it is really um, you could say first baby is hard, you know, you're transitioning, your life is completely changed. You went from just being you and independent to now you're you're raising a child, but baby two and baby three can be hard, baby four, however many babies like you know, your third baby can be harder than number one or two. So no matter what baby that you're on, you still need help. It's still okay to ask for help and get that support, and you shouldn't go it alone, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Exactly. You shouldn't have to go it alone, and I think like asking for help, it's stigmatized as being a negative thing that you're weak, that you can't do it on your own, but really I feel like it's a strength. And my mom was a single mom, and she needed a lot of help from her community when my sister and I were very small. I mean, it's how we had like birthdays or like holiday meals or anything like that. We needed that support. And so I, you know, as I was having my kids, I'm thinking about her, and I'm thinking about all the families in the US that don't have the same kind of support in place. And so, you know, I put I started in kind and I put these things in the gift boxes for babies and for moms because I wanted families to know that like you do matter, you deserve the opportunity to thrive, and also for moms to feel like they don't, they're not in it alone, that people see them and care about them and want them to thrive.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah, absolutely. And so, kind of going off of that, I would love to hear more about like how kind of your experience shaped the creation of your business and what are some kind of like specific gaps that you're trying to fill with the boxes.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Yeah, I mean, I think just that self-care piece, that postpartum healing and wellness and recovery, it's pushed to the side. It's like as soon as you have the baby, you are caring for them, and it's like, yes, they are a priority. You want baby to do well. Um, but like the amount of time and care we take from ourselves is just like it's basically non-existent. Like we talk about a showering and eating a meal as like something we barely do to get through the day, and it's like I totally understand it. Um it makes perfect sense that it feels like we can't it like those things that come naturally for us to do for everyone else, but we don't give it to ourselves. It just makes me a little bit sad. And I just think like if our partners like stepped in more or if we, you know, made it more of a priority to have a shower if we wanted it, like to not feel that guilt that we can't do it. I just I think little things like that just would make a world of difference.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Yeah, absolutely. I think something as simple as a shower like can do wonders for mental health as well. Yeah. Like, not, I mean, not in the postpartum realm, but like when I was in like inpatient rehab for my field work rotation, a lot of times, like when they saw me was like the first shower they've had since a surgery or an accident or something. And it's like you can see the difference that it makes in somebody's attitude. And so I think you're right. I think a lot of mom new moms are like, I don't have time to shower, I don't have time to do self-care. Like all their routines that they used to do, they're like, I don't have time for that anymore. But in reality, it can be really beneficial to even just take, you know, I'm gonna take 10 minutes for myself and take a shower and get clean and do my skincare routine or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah, it's not a selfish act to want to do something kind for yourself. I think it's really it's important, it's necessary.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Definitely I would love to talk a little bit about like for your second and third kiddos, like what in particular do you wish you had as support? Like what would that be in home care? Would that be you know more an earlier visit than six weeks? Like different things available at your six week appointment. Kind of what are some things that you're like, oh, this would have been ideal or really nice?

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Yeah. I think we didn't know as many people here um uh with my middle, so just like being able to have a village to lean on more or like people to talk to, even, you know, it's like sometimes feels hard to make connections with people that you can like vent with or laugh with or cry with or whatever, just like to be able to text back and forth and be like, oh my gosh, I just all I want is sleep, or you know, just like some some form of connection because it can be, you know, very isolating if it's just you and your baby or kids at home and your partner is gone all day. It's like having another human um who can form full sentences, communicate back with you. It just feels good. Somebody you can complain to or celebrate with, or yeah, and it's like you know, just to be able to be like, I want to sell my kids today, not actually to do that, but like to be able to joke and have someone like understand where you're coming from, um, it it can just shift your whole mood.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Yes, for sure. Where you can just really be like open and honest. It's you know, like there can be great days as parents and other days where you just feel in way over your head, and so having somebody to communicate that with, like, I'm in over my head today. I feel like I'm going crazy. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Yeah, I think that's so important, like the shared experience aspect of like someone who maybe it's like you guys both had babies around the same time, or maybe it's like they had a you know, a year before your something, but just that aspect of shared experience and knowing that, like, hey, I can say something like this, and I know you're not gonna judge me for thinking it or saying it, I feel like would be so, so beneficial.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Yeah, it is good to and I always found it helpful. We I joined like a mom's club in our area, and we were in like playgroups, and I found it helpful to have a mom friend with kids like my age, but then uh one with like k kids a bit older, so that I could like look to them and see like light at the end of the tunnel for the hard phase I was in at the moment. Um, yeah, I just thought that was really nice to have kind of a spectrum to be able to get support from different areas.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Absolutely. And I think that's so so important, like just the the role, especially like within the US, that like your community and like your friends and your family plays in like supporting you postpartum, I think is is really big. But I think you make a good point that a lot of people don't have that kind of support. You know, maybe they just moved somewhere, maybe they're you know, like maybe they're just a little bit more isolated than um some other people. So I think that's a especially looking into those situations is really crucial.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Yeah. And like having a list of support services that you could potentially need. Um, because I know that like baby to baby, you're gonna have your body behaves differently, the bot the baby comes out differently sometimes, and they're just when your body's bringing itself back together or even like breastfeeding or whatever, there are just different things you might need from one kid to the next. Um, so I put actually a postpartum plan um up on our website that people can use as a resource. Um, and it has like different services, not the actual um companies that you would reach out to, but like different ideas of services that you might need. Um, because I know that one mom that I spoke to locally, um, she had actually broke her tailbone during delivery. And she was like wondering why her back hurts so much. And she thought, like, just because it was from sitting and nursing all day, but really it was her tailbone. Her tailbone was fractured, and she just didn't know that that wasn't like a normal feeling after birth. And so it's like we don't know what we don't know until we're like in it, and so having sort of a resource list out available to you to like reach out to someone if you need some sort of support, um, connecting with your village to ask them ahead of time, I think is also really good.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

That's such a good point. You you don't know what you don't know, and I think sometimes we can keep stuff to ourselves because we're like, well, I'm just supposed to be okay, and this is probably just normal, and and so you don't speak up per se about what you're dealing with, or maybe you know, we don't have our follow-up appointment until six weeks, so you kind of just let these things go until you get to that six week appointment. But more so earlier, you're used to we're talking about what you didn't expect to like advocating for yourself and your needs that you would have to do. And I think that's where that piece comes in right now, where we have to advocate and be like, hey, like this is like painful, or this is like I don't know that this is normal, and to be able to ask those questions to get the support and resources that we need, um, even though there might not be somebody there helping us, we can reach out and try to find them.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Yeah. I would love to hear a little bit more about like what in particular do you put in the boxes?

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Yes, so we have about 15 items. It kind of fluctuates depending on if we get donated items, but about half are for newborns, and then half are for postpartum recovery and self-care. Um, so there's like a swaddle and um thermometer and nail clippers, a digital thermometer and nail clippers, um diaper balm, and then there's nipple butter and tea, and there's uh silk satin scrunchie because you know, a postpartum hair loss and all that kind of stuff are very sensitive to it. There's a beauty mask, and there's an affirmation sticker and lip balm. So it's all things to like nourish you and love on yourself, and you can snuggle up with your baby that you've just bathed and swaddled and read the book, and it's just you know, things that are not sample size, they will last you into the weeks and months postpartum, and just remind you that you're loved and there's a village out there that cares for you, and all of these products were carefully curated by us. We bulk purchase them so like every gift box, whether it's donated or purchased as a shower gift, has the same consistency, the same level of quality, because that also is really important for me. I didn't just want to have like a bunch of random things, I wanted it to be really intentional. Um, we purchased from female founding companies and um natural and organic products because all of that stuff matters. It's a very intentional gift. And when people receive it, whether it's a shower gift or a donated box, they're always like so excited because you know they're good quality products, they're full-size things, and it's you know, it's like that wow gift. It's it's something that really makes you feel special and to know that like you're getting this amazing thing, but then because you're receiving this amazing gift, another mom who's in like a really hard situation is also getting that same gift.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Yeah, yeah, I think that's awesome. And you make a good point. I feel like a lot of times at baby showers and when people are bringing gifts, it's all for the baby, versus like you know, rarely I feel like do the parents get something that's applicable to them, which I was like is is just as important, obviously, because you know, the parents need to be healthy and cared for in order to care for their new baby. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

And when you know the families are thriving, the whole community thrives, and that's it's a win-win for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Uh yeah. My last question is for parents who maybe are currently feeling that really like lack of support, that isolation. What are some realistic ways you feel like they can kind of find or help start building that support system? Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

I feel like now social media, there are like a lot of moms out there who I feel you can you can find someone on the internet to relate to and who can make you smile or make you laugh or give you some good tips. On in kinds Instagram page, um, I try and share like tips and um just like encouragement and stuff along with like the work that we're doing. And so you can see the families we're helping on our website. We have a list of resources. So if someone's struggling, um, I have a full list of nationwide resources that people can look up. Um food banks, diaper banks. Um, there's a full like spectrum of things there. Um, so if they need help and they're not from Oregon, there are ways to get support um that are not, you know, just with our boxes. But I would just say, like as hard as it is to like be vulnerable, trying to make connection somewhere in your community. Like we did a lot of toddler time at the library, um, just like putting yourself out there so maybe that you can find someone who matches your energy. It's just the payoff for making yourself uncomfortable a little bit to put yourself out there is so worth it. Um, so I would really recommend it. I have so much anxiety and stress. In those big situations like that. And I can relate to that feeling, like I know what that feels like, but I just think it's so, so important and special to like have someone to be able to connect with. Even just one friend makes all the difference.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

And I love how you took your experience feeling alone and navigating baby two and baby three. And then you've created what you have within kind, and you're supporting other families, moms, and like Lauren was mentioning earlier, not just something for the baby, but it's something for the mom to see that she matters too. And you deserve to be taken care of, you deserve to be pampered because, like you said at the beginning of this uh conversation, that we don't take care of ourselves, we kind of push ourselves to the back, and there's not that support. So you're creating this bit of being held. And I want to clarify like you were saying that if somebody purchases a box, then somebody in need gets a box.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. We sell them in our shop as a way to fundraise. So people donate to us and stuff, but the charity shop is we sell them so that to fundraise to be able to help more people. Love that. That is amazing. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 23:29

Yeah, that's wonderful. And the episode, I'll attach the link to your guys' website and your social media and all that so that if people are listening and they want to learn more about it, they will have the access to do that. Okay, awesome. Thank you. I wanted to thank our guest speaker, Maria, for joining us today and sharing about how she felt unsupported and isolated for some of her postpartum experience and really just describe to us how she then created her business in kind boxes. In the description to this episode, I will attach a link to our blog post, which will have more information on the topic as well as how to access her website and to purchase a box if you're interested. If you're listening today and you are feeling that lack of support and the need for more resources, just know that you are really not alone. That is a common experience of a lot of new parents. And we are here to support you and help you however we can. On our website, Functional Fourth Trimester, we also have a resource page that we're working on adding more resources to and developing so that if there's a particular topic you feel like you're really struggling with, whether that be sleep or feeding or mental health, that we can have a space for people to go to get more of those resources. And I hope it's just an encouragement to you to remember that you aren't alone in this and that there are a lot of professionals and new parents who are, you know, waiting and wanting to help. Thank you all so much for joining us today. We are so glad that you are here, and we can't wait to talk with you again next time.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

I hope today's conversation gave you something practical to take into your day or simply remind you that what you're experiencing is normal. Returning to daily life after birth is a process, and support matters.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

However, your day continues from here, be gentle with yourself. You're doing important work. Thanks for listening. We'll meet you back here next time.