Is Screen Time Hurting Your Child’s Brain? What Parents Need to Know

Are screens affecting your child’s developing brain?

Phones, tablets, cartoons, and educational videos have become part of everyday childhood—but many parents are left wondering: how much is too much?

In this episode of Healthy Beginnings, Dr. Edgar Kalimba explores the relationship between screen time, sleep, behavior, and early childhood development.

We discuss what science says about screen exposure, why sleep is essential for growing brains, and how parents can create healthier routines without guilt or unrealistic expectations.

In this episode we discuss:

• Are screens harmful for babies and young children?
 • Are educational videos actually helping development?
 • How screen time affects attention, sleep, and emotional regulation
 • Why children become upset when screens are taken away
 • The connection between sleep, learning, and behavior
 • How much screen time is appropriate
 • Why the quality of screen time matters
 • Practical alternatives to screens for busy families

Technology is part of modern life. The goal is not fear—it’s helping families understand how children grow and how to build healthier habits.

Healthy Beginnings offers clear and evidence-based conversations about children’s health, family wellbeing, and the systems that shape our lives. 

New episodes every Monday 

Have a question? Email: healthybeginningspodcast@gmail.com

Produced by LF Media

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

A few weeks ago, I was sitting uh in a waiting area somewhere, and a father arrived with his little daughter. She couldn't have been more than two years old. She could probably have had been have she could be maybe 18 months to two years old. And like many toddlers, she was curious. She wanted to explore, she wanted to climb onto the chairs, she was asking questions, and within a couple of minutes she started really becoming restless. Her father smiled and reached out into his pocket and pulled out his smartphone and handed it to her. She instantly became quiet and uh stared at the screen, understandably. The waiting room became silent again. We couldn't hear her voice the same as it was while she was playing and jumping around. So as I watched them, I didn't think that the father is doing something wrong. Instead, I thought that the father is only trying his best because that's the truth. Um he's probably tired. He's trying to keep his daughter safe and stop her from running around and to ensure that she does not disturb in courts the people around. And many of us do exactly the same thing. I see it over and over again at the hospital when parents are waiting to be seen by the doctor or in uh shopping malls. It's a very common scenario that all of us can relate to. So realistically, technology has made life easier in so many ways. Of course, phones help us to communicate. We learn from them, we work from them, we connect with loved ones in different places. So, technology itself is not the enemy and really has a lot of advantages. But as parents, we need to understand one important question. How does technology fit into the life of a developing brain for our children? Because a young child's brain is unlike any other stage of life. It's obviously growing, a lot of things are changing, there's a lot of learning and connecting. So they are building millions of connections every single day. The choices we make during these early years really, really matter enormously. And today's episode isn't about making parents feel guilty. The goal is not to make you feel guilty, but it's really about helping you understand what your child needs the most. And if you take one big idea from our conversation today, if you remember one thing, only one thing, let it be that screams are not the enemy. The problem begins when screams replace sleep, replace play, replace conversations with your child, and really replace the human interaction, the human connection. So I'll keep saying that again as we as we go along. Now, did you know that by the age of three years, a child's brain has already formed around one trillion neural connections. So many neuroconnections. And there's and and this is really uh a lot more than any other stage in life. The first few years of life are quite particular. And these connections are not created from anything fancy, it's the day-to-day simple, mundane things. You know, when your child hears you talk to them, when you play with your child, when you laugh together, when you explore things together, when you listen to music, or when you comfort them, when you read them a book, or when the child is just moving around, interacting with the environment, whether it's crawling or uh or running or toddlers who are already mobile, and really just soaking in the environment around them. So every experience shapes the architecture of your child's brain. So the brain is literally being built through everyday life. So often people always ask and wonder why do people keep saying that the first five years are so important? And the answer is fascinating. If you imagine you're building a house and you begin with a foundation, if the foundation is strong, the walls become strong as well, and the roof becomes strong as well. So everything that comes afterwards is supported by what was built first. And your child's brain develops exactly the same way. The first few years of life really build the foundation for learning, emotional well-being, language, memory, attention, relationships, self-confidence, and even physical health. Um we know that from science, we understand very well that by the time your child is about five years of age, the brain has reached approximately 90% of its adult size. So a lot of growing, um, not just in size, but also in function, happens very, very early in life. And all the positive interactions strengthen important brain connections. So um the brain also goes through what we call pruning. Uh, pruning, you know, those who uh of us, those of you who know a little bit about gardening, um, it's like healthy branches grow stronger and then used branches are trimmed away. So the brain is constantly deciding which connection should I keep, which ones are most useful, um, and which uh and the answer depends on your child's experience. So it's really, really uh very important to understand that brain development is built through relationships. Um really grow uh in relationships, not in isolation, not through expensive toys, definitely not through screens, but through relationships. So every time a baby smiles and someone smiles back, or every time a toddler points at something and an adult responds, or every time a parent sings or talks or reads, the brain is strengthening important pathways. And this is what we call in science serve and return interaction. It's like if you think about a game of tennis, um, you know, the the the back and forth, you know, someone serves and the other one hits the the tennis ball back. So this back and forth conversation, even before your child can properly speak, is building the brain. And really realistically, no video can replace that, or no app can imitate that. This is really at the heart of human relationship, which remains the greatest builder for your child's healthy brain. So there's four important pillars for healthy brain development. And if I had to summarize everything we know about healthy brain development into four simple pillars, there would be first connection, second, sleep, I'll come back to this, third, play, and the fourth is conversation. So uh when your child really has enough of these four experiences or four pillars, their brains flourish. So throughout today's discussion, we'll be coming back to these pillars again and again. Because it's important to understand that when screens begin replacing one or more of these pillars, that's when problems begin uh to appear. So children don't necessarily need parents who are available all the time, they need parents who are truly present uh when they are available. So a few minutes of undistructed attention can mean more than hours spent in the same room while everyone is looking at a screen. This is a very typical scenario. Now that we understand you know the important elements around your baby's brain development, the next question becomes when when and where do screens fit into this process? Are they really helping? Can they sometimes get in the way? And what does the less the latest science actually tell us? Um, so many, many parents have asked me, Doctor, are screens actually harmful? And I think it's a fair question. Everyone has in one way, shape, or form uh dealt with this. It's a fair question. Everywhere we look, there seems to be uh conflicting advice. Some people tell parents never to let a child touch a screen. Others say educational videos are the future of learning. Some say tablets make children smarter, others blame screens for almost every behavior problem that their child has. So, what does the science actually tell us? Um, are screens really harmful? The short answer is no. Screens themselves are not inherently harmful, just like books are not automatically educational, or the same way toys are not automatically beneficial. So technology is simply a tool. I think we all agree that what matters is how it is used. So the real question actually isn't does my child use uh a screen? The better question is what role does that screen play in my child's life? It is important to really differentiate these things. Is it supporting healthy development, that screen time that you're exposing your child to, or is it replacing experiences that the developing brain desperately needs? This is where uh things become interesting. So, here is a couple of questions that we should go through together. I'll call it the five questions every parent should ask. So, for example, instead of counting minutes alone, I would encourage parents to ask these questions whenever their child uses a screen. First question is how old is my child? This is very important because age changes everything. A six-month-old baby does not need or learn anything from the screen. And of course, this is different from let's say an eight years old or a ten year old, because the brains are really developing differently. The younger the child, the more they need to learn through real life, real people interaction, through touch, through eye contact, through movement, through uh verbal communication, uh, through exploration. And as your child grows older, technology can gradually become one of the many learning tools, but it should never replace human relationships. Um, did you know that the first two years of life are sometimes called the relationship years? And this is because baby learn babies learn most effectively through interaction with uh adults and caregivers around them and not through passive viewing on the screen. So generally, um my my recommendation, my strong recommendation is that any child who is below two years has no business really spending time on on screens. It's not advisable, it is not beneficial, and it is actually harmful. Now, the next question that you should ask yourself is what is my child watching? Not all screen content is the same. So, for example, watching cartoons for three hours is very different from you know having your three-year-old maybe having a video call with your grandmother or watching an educational program together. Uh so it is different uh from scrolling endlessly through short videos or through fast-moving cartoons, which are very common, which is typically what most toddlers and and young children are exposed to. Um, and of course, instead of uh your child spending an hour before bed watching cartoons, for example, uh it's very different and much, much more beneficial for them to quietly listen to a bedtime story, somebody reading a story to them. So it's not just the time, but also the quality of what is on your child's screen. The quality of what they are watching uh really makes a big difference. So parents often ask, isn't an educational video good for my child? Sometimes yes. Educational programs can introduce new words, songs, numbers, and ideas, and etc. But here is something important. Watching is not the same thing as learning. Learning happens best when children interact. This is a well-established fact. So when they ask questions, or when someone answers them, or when you laugh together, or when your child is copying you, or when they're exploring, you know, children learn language remarkably well from conversations, not simply hearing words from uh a program or from uh a cartoon. So the brains actually need experiences, not just information. You know, watching is just information, whereas interacting is actually experiences, so they're different. The other question that you should ask yourself is who is watching with your child? Um, this is often overlooked, but research consistently shows that children learn far more when an adult watches with them. So you can pause the program, you can ask questions, you can point to pictures, you can laugh together, you can explain what is happening, and you're basically having a reasonable form of interaction together. For example, you can say, look at the elephant. Remember the elephant we saw at the zoo? What sound does the elephant make? And suddenly uh screen time uh actually helps to spar or to be part of a conversation, and conversations build brains. So watching together is beneficial, but of course, you need to choose very carefully what you're going to watch together, and importantly, also how old your child is. And I'll come back to that. So, children don't just need someone beside them, they need somebody uh who joins them. I typically see this with my five-year-old son who uh completely enjoys doing things together. You know, at the end of the day, we are all tired, uh, we often don't want to deal with anything, but I always make a point to do an activity with him because he loves it, he enjoys it, uh, we learn a lot together, and usually it's like a simple puzzle or uh a simple uh blocks game, um, and all kinds of simple age-appropriate games. Now, the other question is how long is my child watching? And parents often focus on numbers one hour, two hours, three hours. Now, those numbers are important and they're helpful, but numbers alone don't tell the whole story. So, for example, if I just paint a scenario, uh, if you imagine two children, one watches 45 minutes of a nature program with her father, and afterwards they go outside and look at the birds, look for the birds, or try to relate what they were watching to into real life, into a real life scenario. The second child watches cartoons alone for four hours. They miss meals, they miss outdoor play, and they they actually get their bedtime also interrupted. So both children use screens, but their experiences are completely different. So duration certainly matters, but content matters even more. Most health organizations globally recommend limiting recreational screen time in young children. This is not because screens are bad, but because young children have so many other developmental needs competing for their time. Now, the other question that you should ask yourself with regard to screen time is what did today's screen time replace? If you remember one question from from today's episode, let it be this one. What did today's screen time replace? Did it replace a bedtime story? Did it replace outdoor play? Did it replace a family conversation, building blocks, drawing or coloring together? Um, did it replace sleep? Or did it simply occupy ten minutes while you prepared dinner? So there's a big difference there. So screens really become uh problematic when they consistently replace the experiences that help your child's brain development. And this is why we'll keep coming back to the four pillars of connection, sleep, play, conversation. You have to protect this first, and your technology, any screen time, uh should fit around them. I've heard some parents say that educational videos make babies smarter. This is a myth. It's a myth because educational programs can certainly introduce some information to your child, but babies, toddlers, young children in general, they learn far more from responsive human interaction than from watching a screen alone. The most powerful educational tool in their world is still a caring adult who talks, listens, responds, and plays with them. And that often doesn't cost anything. And it has been the really the bedrock of building. Healthy brains for thousands of years in human existence. So a conversation that every parent should hear. Sometimes parents tell me, Doctor, my child knows how to unlock my phone. They are so clever, they are so smart. I'm sure you've heard that also from friends, from people sharing that kind of experience. And of course, children are really clever, but we need to remember that learning learning how to swipe a screen is not the same as learning curiosity. And you know, for a young brain, uh what they need most is not to be swiping screens, but they should be learning uh and they should be gaining curiosity around interacting with adults or learning things like kindness and patience, empathy and problem solving, because these are qualities that grow through life and they grow through conversation, through making mistakes, through playing with other children, through waiting their turn, through solving problems together. So technology can support learning, but it can never, it can never replace the experience that shapes character. So as parents, we often spend a lot of time asking, how much screen is too much? Perhaps a better question is did my child have enough connection today? Did they have time and opportunity to laugh? Uh, for someone to read to them? Did they run outside? Did they get a good sleep? I'll come back to this. Did they ask questions? Did someone really listen? Because all of these experiences are actually building their brain. So this week, notice what happens when your child asks for your attention. This is a reflection. Before reaching for a phone or turning on the television, pause for just five minutes. Five minutes. Sit on the floor, read one story for them, sing a song together or build one tower together, ask one question. You may be surprised how much joy and how much brain development can happen in those few uninterrupted minutes. Now, that's enough about screens. And the conversation about screens is really a recurring one. It's one that we'll revisit again in future. But I would like to turn uh briefly to sleep. Um, sleep is critically important, and parents often ask me um, how much sleep does my child need? Or why does my child need so much sleep? Or they say my child fights bedtime every single night, they don't want to go to bed. So there's all kinds of things uh that are different experiences that parents have with regard to sleep. Um, but something extraordinary happens during sleep. I know that all of us as parents know and agree that sleep is important, but imagine something here with me. Imagine your child has spent the entire day learning, they have new words, they played with toys, they were running outside, and they have solved little problems, they laughed, they cried, they made friends, they fell down, they asked 100 questions. Their brain has collected thousands of tiny pieces of information. Now imagine a huge library. You know, nowadays we have the so-called online libraries, but in the past we used to have physical libraries, we still have physical libraries. Um, so if you imagine a library and you imagine books are scattered everywhere across the floor, nothing is organized. So sleep or during sleep is when the librarian comes in or the person that is going to sort out the books and organize the shelves, and important information gets stored, while unimportant information is thrown away. So this is what happens during sleep, it's exactly the same thing. The library is ready for another day once it's put together, and that's the same way the brain is ready for the next morning. Um, so through science, we know that sleep is not a time when the brain switches off, as some people actually think. It's quite the opposite. The brain becomes incredibly busy because during sleep is when memories are stored, um, it strengthens learning, organizes new information, builds new brain connections, removes waste products in courts, it restores energy, regulates emotions, releases growth hormone, very important. Growth hormone is actually actively released during sleep. So it's an important time also for physical growth and development. So, in other words, sleep is one of the most important periods of brain development every single day. Did you know that the growth hormone that is released during sleep actually typically happens the first part of the night? So it sleep does not just help our children to learn, it also supports healthy physical growth, muscle repair, bone development, and so on and so forth. So sometimes a child struggles to learn something today, then the next morning they suddenly seem to understand it. Now, this isn't magic, that's the brain at work. And it's because it's well established that while children sleep, the brain strengthens the memories and skills that they practiced during the day. It's almost as though the brain asks, This seems important, let's save it. So when children read or practice writing or learn a new song or play football or learn a new language, really learn anything new, sleep helps turn today's experiences into tomorrow's knowledge. Um, then of course, the part of sleep and emotion. Sleep does not only help children become smarter, it also helps them become calmer. Think about your own life as an adult, all of us as parents. How do you feel after a poor night's sleep? I can tell you I don't do well. I do not do well. In fact, when I have a busy day the next day, or when I have a big uh program coming up, I always endeavor to get a good night's sleep. I think we all do, because we need it. Because when you don't, everything seems harder. You are a little bit more irrit uh irritable, less patient, you tend to be more emotional. And children experience exactly the same thing. When children don't sleep well, they often become more irritable, uh, they are more impulsive, they are less able to manage frustration or to concentrate, and that's why they become more emotional. And sometimes parents think, My child has become naughty today, when in fact their brain is simply exhausted. So a well-rested child is often a happier child. Not because life is easier, but because sleep actually really does help the brain manage life's challenges. So the same way we speak about nutrition and healthy food for the body is the same way sleep does to the brain. Um, healthy relationships, healthy play, and I would like to also introduce another way of thinking that sleep is nutrition for the brain. Just as a child needs healthy food for their physical growth, for their body to grow, the brain needs healthy sleep. You wouldn't expect a child to grow well if they never ate a healthy meal. And likewise, we should expect the brain to flourish without sufficient sleep. Sleep feeds the brain. So, what happens when children don't sleep enough? Let's imagine two children both are intelligent, both are healthy, one sleeps very well at night, the other one regularly goes to bed very late. The sleep-deprived child may begin to struggle with paying attention, remembering instructions, managing emotions, learning new information, playing cooperatively, managing frustration, and this doesn't happen because they are lazy, it's just because uh or or because they aren't intelligent. It happens simply because they haven't had enough time to recharge. Now, something you should know as parents is that children who have consistent bedtime routines generally sleep better. They have improved emotional regulation, they will be more attentive, and often they enjoy stronger family relationships. It's not just about the number of hours, it's also the consistency, the consistency, the discipline. And where do screens come in here? Let's try to connect uh the discussion that we've just had. Remember that the question isn't are screens bad? The question is what are screens replacing? And one of the first things that screens often replace is actually sleep. Many children watch videos, they play games, or they scroll through tablets right up until bedtime. And every time you try to switch off the TV or to take the tablet away, it becomes a big fighting moment. They will always resist it. And that ends up really eating up their time to sleep or uh breaking bedtime routines. So it's well established that uh having uh screen time, especially before bed or until bedtime, can affect the quality of sleep. First of all, we all know that screens uh uh emit light that tells the brain that it's still daytime. This is equally bad for adults. Using screen time very close to your bedtime is very negative because it delays the release of melatonin, the hormone that actually helps us to sleep better. The second thing is that many videos and games are exciting, they have bright colors, things are moving fast, the sounds are loud, and this really stimulates the brain. So, and yet you want your brain and your child's brain to be calm before bed, to calm down. It's rather like asking your child to run around the playground than expecting them to fall asleep in two minutes after running around. So the brain needs time to slow down, it needs a time to rewind. So, one of the greatest gifts that parents can give their child, that you can give your baby, your child, is a calm bedtime routine. It doesn't need to be complicated. We just need to turn off our screens in good time, at least an hour or longer before bedtime. And if possible, you dim the lights, you read together, you pray together, you tell a story, talk about your day, give them a hug. Um, these simple, simple routines signal to the brain that it is safe, the day is ending, and it's time to rest. So I strongly, strongly uh advise against screams around time, watching cartoons at bed at bedtime, uh, with the thinking that they help your baby to sleep better. And some some parents have argued with me saying, no, but when I put cartoons, uh, it actually helps my baby to sleep. They might be falling asleep, but falling asleep is not the same as getting good quality sleep. Uh, it's like you're exhausted and you fall asleep in a noisy airport. Um, yes, you can fall asleep, but you would probably sleep much, much better in a quiet room. So the quality of sleep matters just as much as falling asleep. So I would really strongly encourage uh parents to create a peaceful bedtime routine for your family. Um, put away screens and rather focus on reading, reading a story, praying together, singing together, having a conversation, just simply being with each other. So as we come to the close of today's conversation, here is a few take-home messages. One, um, the developing brain grows through relationships, conversations, playing and interacting together, and allowing your child to get good, quality, sufficient sleep. Second thing is screams are not the enemy. The problem arises when they replace the experiences that your child needs most that we spoke about today. And sleep is when the brain organizes learning and regulates emotions and supports physical growth and prepares for the next day. So ask yourself one simple question with regard to screens. What did today's screen time replace? If the answer is sleep or play or a conversation or a connection, it is definitely time to rethink how technology fits into your family routine. You don't have to be a perfect parent, in fact, they are no perfect parents. But small, loving, consistent moments, reading together, talking, laughing, playing, protecting sleep, they really shape your child's future more than any app, more than any toy, more than any device or program ever could. And trust me, years from now, your child probably won't remember today's cartoon, but they may remember the bedtime story that you read, or the prayer that you shared, or the hug that you gave before sleep, the laughter at the dinner table. These seemingly ordinary moments quietly become the extraordinary memories that shape a lifetime. So healthy brains are not built by technology, they are built by relationships, they are enriched by play, they are strengthened through conversations, and they are restored by sleep. And we should all agree that children develop at the speed of relationships, not at the speed of Wi-Fi. That is in courts. Before we leave, I would like to answer some of the questions that were sent to us by the listeners.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

We have our first question from Faith 27 from Kampala. As a first-time parent, I sometimes admit to my child or eventually will that I don't know everything. Is it healthy for children to see that parents can learn too, or should parents always appear to be certain?

SPEAKER_01 39:55

So this is a very good question. And um that I'm sure many other parents ask themselves about. There's always a tendency to put a face or to present to our children, especially when they're a little bit young, that we know everything and we got everything figured out. And the fact of the matter is that admitting that you don't know to your child is actually healthy because it teaches them intellectual honesty and also reduces pressure on you to pretend as a parent because it doesn't serve anyone right. So being um uh honest that you do not know something is a very good thing. It builds trust because when a parent is honest about uncertainty, the child, your child, will learn that your words are reliable. And even when you don't know, you are actually honest about it. And of course, it models intellectual humility, and children learn that not knowing is not failure, it is often a good opportunity actually to start learning, and of course, it strengthens uh problem solving. You know, if you say, I don't know, but let's find out together, it shows the child that you actually seek information instead of freezing or bluffing or um taking a route that's not healthy. So you should certainly um be uh intellectually humble and be honest and always use those moments um to also help your child to learn.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

Last question from Chantal 30 from Kigali. Sometimes I feel angry, anxious, or like I want to run away from everything. I'm afraid that if I tell people they'll think I'm a bad mother or take my baby away from me, how can mothers ask for help safely?

SPEAKER_01 42:00

This is uh um quite sensitive and and and loaded. So I think it's very important to um obviously, as a parent, as a mother, especially when you have very young children and you're probably busy, a busy working mother, sometimes it can be really overwhelming. Overwhelming physically, emotionally, uh psychologically, and in every other aspect. And it's important to really seek help before you break down, before things get really, really bad. So obviously, we always say that um a shared burden is a lighter burden. So if you have a close confident, it could be a spouse, could be your parent, it could be a very close friend that you trust that can really with whom you can be um confident and vulnerable, that's usually a good starting point. Somebody who's not going to judge you, but who is going to rather um empathize with you and think through things. Why are you actually overwhelmed? What is happening? What is at the root cause of how you're feeling? Um, that is a good starting point. Getting somebody to look out for you, to sit down with you and actually start to uh break it down, break it down, what is actually going on. And of course, um it's important to seek professional help, to see a counselor, to see a psychologist, to see a mental health practitioner uh who is an appropriate professional. I think in Rwanda we actually have uh 24-hour toll-free number that you can call. And a lot of people don't know this, but if I remember well, I think it's 116 or 114. Um, it's a Ronda Biomedical Center Mental Health Helpline, toll-free helpline that's available 24-7. So uh seek somebody who is close to you, who you can trust, uh, to jump in and be with you and help you to think through this. And do not hesitate to call for help. There is help out there, and many Rwandans, many Africans, we are not good at asking for help, especially with mental health matters, because we feel like it's, you know, we're going to be judged, what will people think? And truly there is a lot of stigma, but your health comes first. Uh it doesn't matter. I think what what matters uh more is your health more than what will people think, what will people say. So please get help. Get help.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

This podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only. Do not make health decisions without consulting your doctor. This podcast is brought to you by LF Media, home of great African podcasts.