Human Connection Is the Most Important Skill Nobody Taught You

Episode 2 — Human Connection Is the Most Important Skill Nobody Taught You

We talk a lot about customer service. But nobody ever taught us how to actually connect with another human being in the middle of a busy day — when we're tired, they're difficult, and the whole thing feels transactional.

In this episode, I get into the difference between serving someone and actually connecting with them — and why that difference changes everything about how this work feels.

This episode covers:
- The real difference between serving and connecting
- Three things that quietly block connection: distraction, assumption, and chasing the result over the relationship
- Why slowing down and asking one more question changes the entire interaction
- How connection turns a service into an experience

If you work in service, healthcare, education, or anywhere people are the job — this one's for you.

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CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction
01:01 Serving vs. connecting
03:22 Why slowing down matters
05:14 The three barriers to real connection
11:35 How to practice connection in daily work
16:51 Why connection is the source of joy in this work

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You are doing sacred work. And you deserve to find joy in it.

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You are doing sacred work. And you deserve to find joy in it.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

We talk a lot about customer service. We talk about hospitality and about going the extra mile, about making people feel welcome and bedside manner or chairside manner and all the things we're trained to do in people-centered work. But nobody ever quite taught us how to actually connect with another human being in the middle of a very busy day when we're tired and they're difficult. And the whole thing starts to just feel transactional. There's a difference between serving someone and connecting with them. And I think that difference, that gap, is the reason so many of us feel like something is missing. Even when the work is going well. This podcast is for you. We're the joybringers who know that connection is the most important thing that we do, and we're still learning how to do it without losing ourselves in the process. Joy is a practice. Connection is the work. I'm Alyssa Anderson Higgs, and this is the People Work. Last week we talked about joy and about how it's a practice, not a feeling, something you get to choose every single day. Today I want to talk about the thing that I believe fuels that joy, the power and the skill underneath it all, the one that nobody taught you in training, but that changes everything once you really understand it. Connection and why it's the most important work that we do. I want to start by telling you about a moment that I experienced in a leadership course I was taking. We were put into groups and given a big project, and we had to come together to raise money for a local organization, figure out the benefactor, design the event, make it happen. And at the very beginning, we did an exercise where we each called out our strengths just freely, different things we were good at, like fundraising, organizing, planning, networking. This is the beginning of our journey when we're just kind of getting to know each other, but it was a long leadership course, and we all really wanted to make sure that we were able to help this organization the best we could. So as we are calling out these things that we're good at in front of others, I raised my hand and said connecting. And it was nonchalantly dismissed because networking was already on the board. But I didn't mean networking. Networking, and I looked this up, is the exchange of information or services among individuals, the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business. That's a wonderful skill. It was absolutely right for that board, and it made sense for the work we were doing and how we were meeting each other, coming together across different businesses across the area.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

But that wasn't what I meant. What I meant was I can sit with someone, I can listen to them, I can understand what they want, what they need, what their life looks like, and what matters to them.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

And I can curate an experience that fits all of that together.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

That's not networking, that's connection. And there's a difference.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

I didn't push back in that moment and I didn't explain any further. The project moved forward without that skill being named or used. And we raised the money. The event was a success by every measurable standard. We all came together, we all did great things. We were able to give the money to the benefactor to create what they wanted to create. But from the outside looking in, we never really told the benefactor's story. We never created an experience that matched who they were. We got to the end result, the most efficient way the group knew how. We prioritized the result, and in doing so, we left some connection on the table.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Now, I want to tell you about something that happened to me very recently.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Something I'm still even sitting with a little bit. I am someone who believes, genuinely believes, that the thing that I do best in my work is listen. As a hairstylist, as a travel agent, what I pride myself on is my ability to hear what someone wants, ask the right questions, and then take all that and put it together, build something that fits not just their request, but their life, their lifestyle. It's my point of difference, it's what I'm known for, and most of the time I do it very well.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

But recently, within just two visits with a new guest, I was unable to deliver that curated experience.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

They weren't happy with their result. And instead of that satisfaction and joy I hoped to bring out in people, there was tension. There was a conversation that felt like we had never quite been on the same page. And if you're in people work like me, I'm sure that you've experienced this before too. I had to ask myself afterward, why wasn't I able to connect well enough with this person to deliver what they were actually looking for? And of course, at first I just doubted myself, I must not have listened well enough.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

I must have been unfocused. But then I replayed something she said as she was sharing her frustrations with me. I'm just used to it taking more time, she said. And that hit me.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Because what that was telling me, without saying it directly, was that she needed more time to connect before we moved to the result. She needed the conversation. She needed to feel seen and understood before we even began. And I had kind of skipped that. I had gone straight to delivery. We never reached a flow state of connection, and without that foundation, the whole experience didn't hold.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Two stories, years apart, different settings entirely, but the same root cause. Both times.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

We got to the end result, prioritize the end result. But what if instead we had practiced a level of connection that opened the doors for ease and conversation and curated an experience for all.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

So what is connection really?

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Because we're going to unpack it, what it actually means so that you know how to practice. It's not small talk, it's not pleasantries at the beginning of an appointment. Not that there's anything wrong with those pleasantries. But true connection is the moment when the person in front of you feels genuinely sane. It happens when you slow down enough to actually hear them, not just their words, but what's underneath their words, what they're really asking for, what they're really hoping to feel when this is all over. In my work, whether it's behind the chair or planning someone's stream vacation, I've learned that what people tell you they want and what they actually need are sometimes two very different things. And the only way to find that gap in between those two things is to connect with that person.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Connection is the difference between delivering a service and creating an experience.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

So why don't we do it more consistently? I think there are three things that tend to get in the way of real connection. The first is distraction, you know, not just from your phone, but the mental distraction of what's coming next or where you just were, the conversation you might be replaying from earlier, or where your mind is drifting to somewhere else. The person in front of you might feel that, probably feels that. And it puts a block in between you and connecting with them. And the second thing is assumption. When we think we already know what someone wants, we stop listening. We shut down and fill in the blanks before they've even finished the sentence. We start to deliver the outcome instead of discover what that outcome should be. And then the third is we prioritize the result over the relationship. There's real pressure in people-centered work to be efficient. And sometimes that pursuit of the outcome helps you skip the thing that makes the outcome matter, which is the human we're doing it for. There's a few things that have made the biggest difference for me in really cultivating this skill and connecting with people. And as I shared with you already, even recently, I struggled with this. So I have to remind myself very often to make these things happen so that I can pursue that level of connection that I really, really want to have in my work because I know that with that real connection, I will actually find the joyful moments easier and I will have the joy I'm looking for each day. Give it time before you give them the result. Enough time to ask one more question than you think you really need to, or to let a conversation find its flow before you start to move into delivery mode. Listen for what's underneath those words and ask yourself, what do they actually need? Sometimes that's different from what they said. Let connection be the goal, not just the means to it. When you walk in intending to genuinely see the person in front of you, the conversation will flow differently. And the result is usually better too. Instead of only connecting so that there's not awkward silence while you're delivering the result. You see, joy and connection are not separate things. The more intentional you are about connecting with the people you serve, the more joy you're going to start finding in that work. That's where the joy lives. And that is why connection is not just a nice-to-have and people-centered work, it is the work. Before you go, one thing to try this week. Find one interaction where you slow down before you deliver. Ask just one more question. Let the conversation find its flow before you move it forward. Then notice what's different. Come find me on Instagram and tell me what happened. You are doing sacred work, and you deserve to find joy in it. This is the people work. I'll see you next week.