Being Labeled As "Too Much" & Building Relationships That Last: Carmen's Story

Beyond the labels, Carmen is energetic, driven, and courageous. In this episode, Carmen shares what it was like being labeled as "too much" growing up and how she turned it into her greatest strength. She tells us her journey of moving out at 17 and how she came to realize home is a feeling, not a place. We also dive into simple ways she finds connection each day and how she builds lasting relationships. 

Carmen's Podcast: Stories Behind Strength

Carmen Mercedes Preiss on LinkedIn and Instagram 

Transcript

Rachel 0:00

Hello everyone Glad you're here listening. We have a very wonderful guest today, and before I introduce her, we are gonna take a moment to sink into our breath close your eyes if you feel comfortable, if you feel safe wherever you are, or lower your gaze. notice where your breath is. Is it shallow or or is it deep? Can you notice any tension in your body currently? And if so, try to send your breath in that direction. Our breath is a powerful tool, and it's one of the ways that we find presence. We often forget to slow down, so just take a few more deep breaths when you're ready, open your eyes. And rejoin us. Carmen, welcome. I'm so happy you're here. How are you? I am feeling great, Rachel. Thank you for the invitation. It's a pleasure to be unmasked here today. Let's see how that looks like, because I don't feel I'm wearing a lot of masks. I'm super happy to be here. It's a big pleasure to know you and to be on your show. you are a wonderful human and I think everyone is gonna gain a lot from you today in what we speak about. maybe I'll just start by sharing a little bit about how we met, because it's so Carmen and it will give you a great idea of. Who she is. we were in the gym, actually, what a surprise. I think I had my headphones in Carmen came up to me and wanted to introduce herself and say hi, understand who I was, what my name was, it was history from there, so I'm gonna give a little bit back context on that, because. She was working out rather hard and was like, oh my gosh, I love this. when you see someone in the gym and they're working out. Okay, that's a first good sign for me. A red flag for some other people maybe. But let's see, and uh, I was always asking myself, what sport were you doing? Because, you know, with some sports and because I, I did a lot of sports in my past, I can see on your body shape, what is the sport you're doing? I would've never guess that you were a D one athlete in football D 2D 2D. Sorry, I can't take D one credit. No. Okay. But carry on. and I was like, I, I wanted to know it, you know, I was really curious and so I needed to ask you, and it took me really a long time 'cause I thought you were like. You're working out hard, you look beautiful. I was like, okay. You know, it's like there's, there's some people where it's easier but I'm still an extrovert, pair of excellence. So I still went up And our second meetup was spontaneous and after that, yes, we had your amazing morning meetups and uh, yeah, it's been one of the best parts of my week, so. Aw, I was gonna say the same highlight. We do weekly walks, 7:30 AM. I feel like sometimes no one else is awake in New York City. it's a very wonderful way to start the day. It's my friendship tip number one, like as an adult, if you want to have regular friendship checkups, that is just so perfect because it's outside of your regular day. You still get some movement in with the walks. Okay. At 10 degrees Fahrenheit, it's maybe not the best, but we did go on a walk when it was pelting snow, and I came back inside and my whole jacket was sopping wet. So rain, snow, or sunshine. We are out there. and the ice. You remember? Oh, yeah. New York City. what more could you ask for? Yeah. before we jump into some questions, I also just wanna say that it's been a blessing being in your life and being your friend. And the reason I've asked you to be here is because you have so much wisdom, and one of my favorite things about you is how courageous you are to be yourself. Will you tell us what the three words are that you would use to describe yourself? Yeah, I came up with energetic, driven and courageous, It's so funny because every person that I meet goes, and afterwards, you have so much energy. Like how, friends of mine actually went over to call me Tsunami. because wow, I come in waves, and I will over go. You don't, no matter, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, it's like, it's gotta be too much. And, I love that, I love to have been described like a tsunami because, There were times when people thought I was too much, and I am so privileged to have people now that don't think that I'm too much. they think that I'm perfectly fine and it's perfectly all right. And I really enjoy that a lot. I feel I'm driven or ambitious, which you can, you know, take both for one. But for me, striving towards something is somewhat the goal in life. you're never going to be at a place. And then yeah, that's my place and I'm never gonna change. change happens. And I hope that you actively engage in positive change because negative change happens for itself. And so having drive striving for something is like lifeblood. It's just, you know, it's like having a vision that is bigger than yourself Today, I think it's, it just keeps my heart bleed, like pumping and, I'm really future orientated in some sense, for the positives and the negatives of that. and courageous. I picked first. I love C obviously my name is Carmen, but, people come up to me and say, you are so brave. I've had so many instances where people go and they're like, you are the bravest. you just moved to so many cities and you did so many things and I've never felt brave in my life. I felt courageous. I felt that some things are big leaps. Some things require emotional sacrifices, but I never felt brave because to me, if I've done something for example, I moved to Singapore after my bachelor's because it was always a dream of mine, and other people go oh, you moved so far away from your family, it's so brave. And I'm like, no, because for me, the thought in my hat was, how miserable am I if I don't do it? how much would that take away from my life if I would go and live a life that someone else tells me is more realistic? I could have also applied and got a job in Germany. Mm-hmm. Yeah. which would've been good too. Totally. Totally. every puff you've taken, every decision to make. In the end is the right decision that you do Well, I have so many questions based on many of the things that you just said and one of which that I think could be really helpful for anyone listening who's ever been told. If you're too much, too loud, too much energy. How have you navigated that and what would you say to someone who has felt that? Mm-hmm. I wanna go to, one place because I've got called annoying a lot when I was younger. my teachers called me annoying. My friends said, I was annoying. And there's a German word for it, that is way more accurate than annoying. So the German words, if you translate it into English, it's you go onto my nerves. it means you're stretching my patients, stretching your nerves, the world is really good in a sense. What it actually describes that, the feeling of feeling annoyed is, so I'm a triplet and I have three siblings. I'm one of six from my father, and he told me I was his most annoying child. Wow. And. Looking back on that that was hard at some points I don't know when it was, but I realized that all the things that people summarized as annoying are my biggest strengths. They just couldn't handle it. When I, when they said, you're annoying, it was because I was loud. It was because I had willpower, because I stood up against them when I felt they were wrong because I would say no, and I wouldn't go where my parents wanted me to go. If I would wanted something, I would go there. Like I did those things and I was really annoying. If you look at that from the outside, I corrected my teachers. But the thing is that these things today

Carmen 8:41

are the. are the best things. Like they make me successful. did I have a strong will? Makes me successful. Did I speak up? A few are wrong. that's a pretty good thing if you're in a big room and you can speak up, And so when you are too much, it's. not, You are wrong. The person on the other side of the table cannot handle you. That's the problem because their own realities do not allow for a certain type of behavior because they don't allow it to themselves. and so that is what I understood and I really value these qualities. So if you tell me I'm annoying, I just take it and I'm like, that's the biggest compliment you can give me. I do something. Right. Wow. Dang. That's amazing. How long did it take you to come to the realization that these were strengths? Oh, good question. being called annoying was like really long the case. I say I was 17 when I moved out, and I had the realization maybe a year ago. as an unconscious process, I think it took me a while. to find that as a strength. One theme that came through while you were speaking, there was agency, this piece of action that you've always taken in your life. you've grasped onto the things that you've wanted and acted on them, there's a huge part of joy and flourishing in life that is linked to action and doing the things no matter who's in your way or who calls you annoying, do you think that is something you embody? I don't know whether I'd say agency, because agency always reminds me on my economics class teacher, you know, the agent maybe let's, let's take it to the opposite, right? What if you don't take action? What happens if you don't take action towards your dreams? It's I think you get anxious and stressed. I still have that sometimes, when you don't do the things that are the most important things and you run away, then you do other things and you actively procrastinate. That's when you really get stressed. and agency. if I would go, there is, agency is a decision. It's like you decide that you are in power. Whatever happens and take action comes after that. So, for example, if something, something bad happens to you, like I had to struggle with the university administration. I could have said, oh my gosh, it's the end, everything is bad, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. agency is the step of saying, no, I can do something. I am empowered. This happens. Maybe this happens out of a reason, or there's, something to be discovered there. And then after agency, you have trust or hope, which we discussed a lot. Yes, we love hope by now. We love hope. And when you keep on with the trust and everything works out great, then you can take action in the right steps. I didn't make it to Singapore when I first wanted to go there as a semester abroad. I didn't make it, it didn't happen. It made me sad. but then I said, okay, I can still go at another point in time. I decided that I have agency things happen. I can decide how I interpret them. Then I trusted that at some point in time it will be fine. And then later, one and a half years later, actually I took action to make it happen. I think a lot of people are probably like. What has this woman been doing? Her whole life moves out at 17 talking about Singapore, Germany. Will you give us a little bit of context about, 17 years old. That's young. Yeah. let's make a rundown. Okay. great. Go for it. Quick timeline. so I was born in a small town close by Stuttgart as a triplet so until I was 17, I was never alone. I really had the urgent need to leave. That's why I was so early. and then I, first, it was while COVID, um, so I did my A Levels, which is. School, at 17 I was finished and then I was like, okay, goodbye. I'm leaving to Berlin. Biggest city in Germany. I think everybody knows. it was horrible. I moved back afterwards. I moved back and forth again to Berlin, so it was a bit of a funny time. then afterwards, that was like two different internships that I did there. I decided that I. Don't wanna stay in Berlin. It was not my city, it was not my type. I moved to Frankfurt for my bachelor's degree. So Frankfurt is like the financial capital in Germany, if you wanna say so. while I was in Frankfurt, I did internships in Munich, so I moved to Munich for some months. I, did a semester abroad at KA live in Belgium, which is one of the Europeans oldest universities. I moved for second semester abroad To Los Angeles, to study at UCLA, which was an amazing time because European and American universities are so different. then back to Frankfurt. and after that I was like, okay, what do I do with my life after I graduate? A big goal was still to go to Singapore. I applied for over 300 positions. Oh my gosh. of course you did. And I got it. And so then after I finished my bachelor's, I moved to Singapore and uh, then I moved back home and another time to Munich. And after that I went, and came to New York for my master's here. And so, yeah. until Singapore, most of my drive was. I need to get away from home. I was really more running away than running towards something Singapore healed something in me, the people I met, or maybe that I was so far away, healed something at me. I started to ask where do I actually wanna go? Because if you only run away, the point where you're reaching will never be fulfilling because your major goal was, I wanna go get away. just to get away, by definition, you're not gonna reach a goal there, you're just gonna be away, but then you find out that you're always taken yourself, And After Singapore, I decided to be home for another period of time, which was the biggest challenge because I think that was the moment when I got to be a woman and not a child anymore, if that makes sense. And then everything happened after that. I'd say everyone breathe that in. I feel like you've been around the globe. you mentioned running, you felt like you were running almost away. Do you still feel that way at all or do you think you're more settled? I don't feel like I'm running away anymore. I also wouldn't say I'm settled. But in that I'm running away. I was always searching for what is home, where do I feel home? And um, that was also in Singapore when I was like, okay, when you come home, okay, just imagine you open the door and maybe there's someone you know, and you say, what? What do you say? What's the sentence you're saying? You literally say, Hi. I am home, Hi mama. I'm home. What you're saying is if you change the pronunciation, you say, I am home. I am home. And that was really powerful to really understand that sentence. Beautiful. and to be like, it's about me to be home and home is not a place, it's a feeling. that changed a lot and stopped the running, I think. would you say, as a child growing up in Germany, did you feel at home amongst family? Uh, I don't know whether my FIEs that. No. Um, hi. No, I'm, I'm for sure gonna send it to my sister. Okay. Mm-hmm. So, uh, a bit of context. I think I told I'm a triplet, so what that makes out of you is I didn't even have a stomach for myself when my mom was pregnant. you don't have anything for yourself. And I think my will is so strong because I was always. fighting for something, fighting for, a pet, fighting for, you know, like you, you were just like, it was always that feeling. That doesn't mean that there was not love. That doesn't mean that we didn't support each other. it took me a while to understand what family love really means. So in April 22, I got invited by a university colleague of mine, over the Easter period. and they were like a total Patrick family, so it was his mom, but like the new husband of his mom, just a mix of people, but family. went to the South of France, close by central PE and they would do that every year and they would, rent out Camper spaces there in this super nice, cool village. And it was amazing. And so he invited me, and I was like, yeah, I love to go. I love to go. And seeing that family so close by, I was so shocked because. I felt so loved. I never felt so loved. I feel because the family was just, you had freedom in that family. you could do whatever you want. The parents weren't like, oh, we are gonna go to the beach now and you need to go to the beach too. It's no, whatever you do, like just do it. And I was really like. What that exists. And it took me a while to understand what that was, so I couldn't process it by then. now I know the feelings that I felt and how I can interpret them, but back then I was like, wow, I feel so amazing. why? and so I struggled a lot with Like, how do I feel love? How do I approach self? And it took me like last year to like redefine and rediscover that for me. I'm grateful for a lot of things, you can always blame your parents for doing something, But at one point you're an adult now. that happened in the past, but like move on or don't, it's your responsibility now. It also sounds as though the way that you entered into that family and experienced. A sense of freedom. Oh. And it seems to me that maybe you weren't the best at being told what to do because you know what you want and you wanna go out and get it. And so this, and I mean that in the best way possible. I mean, come on. So it sounds like freedom is what you kind of witnessed of like, oh, I can go do whatever and. Yeah. not be confined or be boxed in. Totally. And, funnily right in the, like with 17, I was like, freedom is all I want. I wanna be so free and independent. Okay. I was that girl. I was that girl. don't open the door for me. Don't do this, blah, blah, blah. Okay. I was really that. And, after a while when you're super free, you understand that you're super alone. How has the way that you have approached freedom this lack of being tied down to relationships or family or whatever, how has that influenced connection and relationships in life today? Yeah, so from the story that I just told you see that I'm moved along, I think that is number one to destroying relationships. I'm saying it like that because relationships are a lot about proximity. Most people that you know in your life, because they're somewhere close by I wouldn't be here. We wouldn't have met, if we wouldn't go to the gym at similar times, like weekly walks. where would we be? Exactly. But that is how friendships develop and that is also how romantic relationships develop. to answer your question, it really influenced them. And um, at some point I really needed to realize that cannot be the only goal, connectivity and relationships and feeling seen and feeling deeply connected is a goal as well. I did a five week goal setting with Erica, who was we here the last week, and Rachel was part of that. for me, my goal was to feel more connected to the people I know. It's easy to get to know people for me, but to really feel connected, that's way harder. if that is not on your goal list, you cannot expect it to just happen. Connection. this is a huge problem in society today there is a loneliness epidemic. People are in despair, In many avenues of life because of, this digital era. so you've clearly done a lot of work on building relationships and connections. what would you say to people who are feeling really disconnected and lonely? What steps have you taken that you could offer someone to bring that back into their life? I think knowing myself more helped a lot with connection. But also letting people into your fears and letting people into your real life, I think that is fundamentally what connection is. for me, I really can feel if some moments are true, I can feel if you share something deeply honest and something deeply true I can feel my soul. with some people you can feel it more. And with some people you cannot feel it as much. that means that I just spend more time with people where you can feel it. So this would be my 2 cents about connection and.

Carmen & Rach Pre Edit Video 21:52

Oh,

Rach & Carmen Audio 21:53

The weekly walk thing. Oh my gosh. The weekly walk thing to make it convenient to meet someone. make it as simple and make it a habit. that's been such a game changer as well. I will also add one thing you are incredible at that is, feels simple, but is very brave. Especially nowadays is going to a coffee shop and talking to the waiter, or talking to the barista, or talking to the person next to us at the table. Every time I go somewhere with you, we meet someone new because you aren't afraid to, say something you're very observant about, the language that someone's speaking and you have the ability to strike up a conversation and that leads to an array of connections that then requires the repetition and the weekly walks. Yeah. that feels something tangible that a lot of people could maybe hold onto as well. I have two things about that, so thank you for mentioning it. I have two things about that. So first I acknowledge that not everybody can do that, and I'm giving you a tip. And second, I'm gonna talk about the extrovert, uh, version. first. I know that some people cannot go up just to you I thought in the beginning it's hard to go to someone and speak to them. if you are, don't think that you're brave enough for that i'm gonna give you another one why that's not required, but I'm going to give you a reason where you can do that. So I moved a lot of cities, There were times when I didn't know someone, so what would I do? I would go to places where I like the thing that we were doing. So for example, pole dance. I did pole dance for 10 years, if I didn't know anyone, I would book myself a pole dance lesson. I always explain this with, there's safe topics and safe people and there's unsafe topics and unsafe people, If you have one thing that you really like, it could be skateboarding, it could be painting, it could be whatever. Okay. It could even be you like Dungeons and Dragons then go in the new city, go and find a club that does it. And believe me, everything in the world exists. So just go google and find it, and there's gonna be a meetup on event writer somewhere. You just go there and so you can talk with an unsafe person, dunno the person yet, and it might take you hours to start talking to someone, but you can talk to a unsafe person with a safe topic, something that you like and then just keep going to, to the place. For me in Singapore that was, I went to meditations and to Poland, find out what you really like. It's just go and meet up with people to do what you really like. so that's the first thing. And the second thing, about, meeting people and standing up to it. there's a finding or study, which I really love. and we are gonna test it on you now. Okay. Oh boy. Overall, would you speak to everyone? do you think In an elevator, is there like some anxiety or negative feelings connected to it? I would say not necessarily anxiety, but I don't always make the effort that I would probably like to in an elevator or on the subway or in other settings that, years ago you would probably strike up a conversation. Okay. So that's what most people answer. Now let's turn it around. Yeah. When someone on an elevator, on a subway somewhere would start talking to you, how would you feel? Would that be a negative thing? No, I think it's brave. Yeah. You would go like, oh, this is so nice. And so there was a finding that around 83% of people really like to talk, they see it positive when you approach them, but the same number of people, around 80% would never go and talk to someone. Do you see that mismatch? that's why we're not talking. Because everybody believes, no, I cannot approach 'em. No. Oh, oh, no, no. I'm annoying if I talk to them. Yeah, no. What if they do something important, then I'm interrupting them, right? But the same number of people is I would really like it if you speak to me. when I saw that number, I was like, oh my gosh. most people that are there around the world actually like to be talked to. They really like it. And yeah, that makes me way less afraid. So if you think that, then maybe that helps. I think it's incredible. I think people, we all need to hear it. We all need to try. Next time we're in an elevator strike up the conversation. Exactly. What do you say? Give us an example. I am standing in the elevator with you. You don't know me. We don't do our walks. Mm. Okay. So, uh.

Carmen 26:18

That comes from, Dale Carnegie, how to Win Friends and Influence People. My Face, loved that book. Read it when I was 15, changed my life. I'd give you a compliment and you say, I'm really observant, and that's really true, but that also comes from there. It's like I observe, okay. Is it like, oh, I like the shoes. Oh, for example, today I was in a coffee shop. I was coworking with someone and there was a lady ordering a coffee in front of me and I really liked her shoes. it's nothing special, but she had like really fresh and clean new shoes and I was like, I really like your shoes. And we started a conversation. So give them something that you really, truly, honestly feel is cool. oh my gosh, the button on your shirt is so cool. Doesn't matter. it really doesn't matter what it is. But you started the conversation with everybody loves a compliment. And then you get going and then you're like, oh, thank you. Yeah, I've got it from there. And then oh my gosh, do you come from that region? I hear that accent. And then, from the first part and from the first question after that is normal. Yeah. Okay. I love it. I'm gonna compliment someone's button next time I'm in a store. Yeah. Oh wow. Okay. I could go in so many directions and ask so many questions. as you know, this podcast, I really want to highlight identity and the importance of, feeling worthy as a human beyond the labels that we perceive that we carry or other people plant on our foreheads. So I ask you, what is a way you come back to your identity and your worth when you're getting wrapped up in a label or something that is external? So first I really avoid labels. I think everything that you say like I am X, Y, and Z carries so much weight that you always try to counteract at because like even if I say I am ambitious, okay, I'm not a hundred percent of the time super driven and ambitious definitions really carry weight, so I try to avoid labels. That's a first. When I was younger, all I knew was the high of productivity. So I am worthy if I'm productive. I am worthy if I make something special, I am worthy if I win something, if I win a championship, if I'm the best on a grading project, right? That was my pathway. That was the only thing that existed. I do still fall back into that on working days that require a lot, I can catch myself with meditation and compassion. it took me a long while to learn compassion. I'm really grateful for my mentor to teach me that. but right now I'm good to understand when I fall back into the, I'm only worthy reproductive thing. And then my sentence is, I deserve because I exist. when I'm in that state, and I pushed myself really hard and I was really angry at myself and I was really, not nice to me. I tried to be like, okay, Carmen, it's okay. Maybe you didn't do as great as you wanted to, but you can always do better tomorrow and you deserve to have everything that you want. Just because you exist and then I breathe and sometimes it requires a 10 minute meditation. but just a reminder on the fact that I actually deserve just because I'm here. that's really powerful. that sentence really resonates with me. but I also can say it wasn't like that all the time. And this second pathway of my existence means worth. I developed that in Singapore through meditation. I know that there's people out there who listen to this and who are like, I don't have it. I don't know how, it's I didn't know my way of living was pain. Okay? I put myself in pain out of fun. oh, no pain, no gain, right? And so out of willing to gain, out of willing to grow, I put myself in a way more pain that was necessary. so just understand that everything you have. At some points, like you work for hard for it, and sometimes you run for a bus, but if you run for the bus and you still don't catch it, it was not your bus mic drop. you have offered up so many wonderful insights and so many things that we can all carry with us. I want to take the last minute or two to let you tell people where they can find you or you also have a podcast of your own, if you wanted to share the name of that or how people can connect. Yeah, totally. you can find me on any platform under the name Carmen Mercedes Price. and my podcast is called Stories Behind Strength It is somewhat the introduction to my corporate ventures. So we connect athletes and other people who showed strengths of some sort or type. and we tell their stories to make you understand that. It is possible to believe in your dreams. And, my personal goal is to create more confidence in the world and to make you believe that you can do whatever you wanna do, which requires you to reduce your mental barriers because we all have them. and yeah, I am happy. To follow on your journey, Rachel, thank you so much for asking good questions. Thank you Carmen, and thank you everyone for being here. We'll see you next time. Oh.