How to Live Authentically and Date As Your Most Awkward Self: Meet Sophie

Beyond the labels, Sophie is curious, bold, and caring. In this episode, we dive into an inspiring conversation about creating safe environments to allow for authenticity, overcoming fear of rejection, and attracting people to your life who are meant to stay. Sophie shares what an abundant life means to her after reflecting on her experiences living in Mexico City, Madagascar, Tanzania, New York City, and more.   

Connect with Sophie on LinkedIn: Sophie Raimondo 

Transcript

Rachel 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome back to Unmasked glad that you're here. We have a beautiful soul with us today, and I'm so excited to introduce you. As always, before we get started, gonna take a minute and take a deep breath ground into wherever you are. Close your eyes, as long as you're in a safe space to do so, and just pause here, right in this moment. Give yourself some grace for wherever you are and however you're showing up. And take one or two more deep breaths. breaths when you're ready you can join us. Open your eyes, come back to the space. Sophie, welcome. I'm so excited for you to be here and to be in your presence. It's always such a joy and an honor, The

Sophie 1:22

world has a lot to learn from you, I'm excited for this conversation thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I, it's The honor is mine and I'm extremely grateful to have the opportunity to have this conversation with you, as a friend and as a person that I truly admire and inspires the world. So thank you. So

Rachel 1:44

It's so sweet. I always start by talking to my guest about the three words they would use to describe themselves at this point in time, and you sent me curious, bold, and caring, Will you tell us a little bit more about those three words and what they mean in your life? Definitely, I use curious, bold, and caring because that's how I like to go on my day-to-day basis. When I wake up and I try to follow what excites me, I try to follow it from curiosity, and sometimes that also takes courage and boldness. So after being curious, I need to lean into the boldness and that I don't know what I want to or what I will encounter and I need certain boldness and courage to get there. And the caring is whatever we discover along the way or during our day, we're gonna hold it with care, not only for the others, but also the care for ourselves. So curious about what excites us and what is maybe gonna come, maybe not boldness in terms of giving that step that it's unknown, and then the care that sustains all. Where do

Sophie 3:08

you think these words came from? to be honest, as soon as I sat down and I needed to reply the email, I was just like, what are the words that truly define my day-to-day basis? And what I would like to live my life as, and it's not always perfect. I'm not always bold. I'm not always caring Sometimes I'm like, not today, I'm not gonna be curious. I need to stay more with the, just caring for myself. but but in general, it's how I

Rachel 3:45

would like to live my life as and these three values, to lead me forward. That's really special and I can attest. I know Sophie, quite well. Yeah. We met over the summer and another fellow spirit mind body master's student, and I am in awe of the care that you show the world and your friends. the first time we met, we spent a week with the cohort of students that are in our program, and I actually didn't really speak to you at all. I think there was an introduction and we were all saying hello, but the whole week, which was eight hours a day, we actually didn't manage to talk. Yeah. at the end of the week when everyone was departing until coming back for the fall, it was the last night and I remember. We were walking past my apartment and I think you just needed to use the bathroom quick, two or three hours later we had unleashed everything and I just remember you holding that conversation with such care and curiosity of who I was and what I wanted from this program and from life. I'm really grateful for how you show up and how you treat people, I really see that. those are unique to you, and I'm excited to see how they continue to flourish as you move forward. Do

Sophie 5:14

you think you've always been bold yes and no. I would say when I was in primary school, I was pretty compliant with what popular means. Mm-hmm. And following the typical rules and how to move, how to speak, how to dress. at some point when I started realizing that following those common rules, so to say, was not truly making me happy, I took that first step of like, what if I tried something else? What could I experiment with that could make me happy? Make me feel alive and make me feel fulfilled. that was, the first time I remember being bold, what would it look like to step outside the standards? slowly I start experimenting. I actually did a small jar, with different papers of things that I have never done because I was scared of getting rejected

Sophie & Rach Audio 6:17

Or just had fear of what others might think. So I put 30 challenges inside this jar and every single day I will pick one paper it will be a challenge that I will do and take courage and boldness to stick to the challenge and try to do it. An example can be, you know in the supermarkets how there's this microphone. John, please go to aisles number seven. I always wanted to sing in one of those. I don't know why. It was one of these things that I always wanted to do, and that was one of the challenges, to go to a supermarket, go to the microphone and people for like a minute and sing a song slowly I started to realize that if we break some of the rules and we question them maybe we can find a more aligned life with our values and with our external life. If it makes sense. Absolutely. It sounds like you had this intention of wanting to create boldness in your life and courage and stepping out of this box, and in order for that intention to bring alignment, you had to also have action, which was grabbing that microphone and speaking to the intercom. it's a fun tool people could use and benefit from. how did you come up with these things that you wanted to do? It was basically thinking of what are things that I always wanted to do that I truly never did, just because of fear of rejection. how could I get closer to my authentic self? I also saw, due to video and a Ted talk, a call, hundred ways of rejection. And from there I took an inspiration how can I take this challenge of a hundred, ways to get rejected and transform it into a challenge for myself How can I be more authentic to myself and also build strengths of courage and boldness staying radically honest to myself. Do you think that was encouraged by family at a young age, or did you discover that on your own? Well, my household when I was growing up, my mom has been a single mother and she will work a lot. it wasn't until I had a personal circumstance in life and a crisis when I was 16, 17 that, brought me into a depression. also like adolescence is a part of life where you start having a lot of questions about life. What's the meaning of life? What am I here to do? What's my purpose? And I felt I didn't have someone to guide me through these questions. So I started Experimenting and going with it in terms of what is my purpose of life? And then I started realizing that serving others and making other people laugh and seeing the reactions when you're kind to people and caring to people, how do they react and how that made me feel. suddenly I started to come to the realization that for me, the purpose of life was to create spaces and environments where people could thrive and be their authentic selves, and we could share those gifts of diversity with each other.

Rachel 9:37

there's a lot of words in there that, we could go on many tangents about. One you said earlier was rejection, and I think that's a big thing for a lot of people is this feeling of being being rejected by others, by themselves, which leads to living inauthentically. Mm-hmm. And it's not something that's easy to overcome. it's a daily grind. At least I know it is for myself because there's judgment everywhere in the world more than ever. I think it's really hard to show up authentically and be yourself, that's one thing that I admire so much about you is you manage to show up as Sophie everywhere you go.

Sophie 10:26

Is there any words of wisdom you would express around, living an authentic life and how to overcome fear of rejection on top of your jar with these courageous ideas that you had? remember when we were talking about dating? we were talking in a group of friends and we were just like, yeah, when you go on dates, how to show up, what to do, and I shared my strategy of dating, which is be your most awkward self since day one, because when you show up as you are. The people that truly value you, with your strengths and also your weakness, like your windows of opportunity those are the people that are gonna stay in the hard times and the, super beautiful times stay ugly the bad ones, they're gonna stay just because they see you as a whole. And I would apply that tip of dating, of show up as your most awkward self as much as possible because the people that truly align with that frequency are gonna be attracted to that and want to be curious about it and more like, let's explore what it's here and who this person is as a whole. that whole process, at least for me, on being authentic starts with being radically honest with myself and being like, scenario A happened, made me feel a certain emotion just sitting with that emotion and being curious of what has meaning for me in that scenario, what is arising in that scenario? So Be your most awkward self whenever you can, and be comfortable with that that's not fitting into the standard and see how you feel with it. And number two, be radically honest with yourself. Incredible advice. before you can actually live authentically you have to know what that means for you. Yeah. with all the,

Rachel 12:31

Pushes and pulls in society today, it's really easy to get wrapped up in someone else's narrative I found the most freedom in my life when I have listened to what's on my heart and what I want and need, that can be really hard. But the first step is listening and being aware of who you are as a person and then it takes courage to live that out.

Sophie 13:00

another thing that I did that was quite odd, I would say, I created, a conscious agreement for dating. I remember this and what the conscious agreement for dating was is simply a space. Well, I work with, children at lunch, detention, and sometimes to create a space where we all have agreements of how to behave, how to create a safe space for people truly to be. And to be present And I said, why don't we take this tool that is being used to create safe classrooms in a space where we need, again, that safety net, which is the dating world In my perspective nowadays, everyone's hungry for love. Everyone is hungry for being seen and valued. Yet our dating, scenario, at least here in the USA, is mostly unsafe for us to show up authentically because it's filled with so many expectations, so many standards of how to show up. So I created this conscious agreement and I went, on a day with the guy, and then I asked all my friends, should I send this conscious agreement to the guy or is he gonna freak out? And all my male friends said like, Sophie, do not send the contract. Do not. And they were like, what do you think he's gonna think if I send him like psycho block? Automatically he's gonna ghost you and I was shocked by those answers. I was just like, why me wanting to establish a safe space for both to show up? It was not a contract. Contract means hierarchy A conscious agreement for dating are guidelines of how we're gonna show up or how we're gonna hold each other accountable when we're sharing a space and time together. And at the end, I decided to send this conscious agreement to the guy just because he had gave me a sense that he was in the same page and this guy responded with, oh my good, Sophie, thank you for sending me these because one, it shows me that there's the emotional maturity of knowing what you want and what you need to create a safe space, but you're also inviting me to co-create this space and put the guidelines that I need to show up as my authentic self. So truly creating these agreements with each other in relationships. And I don't only mean here, romantic ones, but also in friends, in classrooms, in our work environment. How are we truly creating safe environments, not only by labeling them, because we always have the type of people that are like, yeah, well this is a safe environment, but it doesn't feel like it. But with the intention of creating it so people truly feel it and authenticity can be born from there. I'm gonna test your recall really briefly. Is there one thing on this conscious agreement that you could share with us? Yeah. I think I put 10 points in total, but one that really like touched my heart, was acknowledging the difference between intent and impact. Sometimes we have great intentions, however, how our actions land might have not the intention and impact we wanted. So instead of fighting against who's right and who is wrong, acknowledging that the intent and impact was different and how we can solve it together. So that's one example. another example is instead of using but use and, that allows, multiple realities to coexist.

Sophie & Rach Pre Edit 16:44

Okay.

Sophie & Rach Audio 16:44

Okay. I wanna shift gears a little bit.

Rachel 16:47

would you walk us through, where you grew up and some of the places that you've lived that have landed you in New York? I was born and raised in Mexico, in Mexico City, and since a young age, I had the privilege moving between worlds within Mexico itself, it has two different types of Mexico cities within each other. One is called, I'm referencing fil Bat, and he calls Mexico,

Sophie 17:12

Profundo and Mexico. Rio, Mexico in Rio is imaginary mexico comes from the values that were installed since the Spanish conquest. for example, living, success and wanting more individual life and seeking materialism. I lived with those values through my mother that is Swiss. And on the other side, because my mom was single, I used to pick a taken care of by a nanny and she will show me Mexico, deep Mexico and deep Mexico is rooted in values of community, rationality, gratitude, I was able to jump between these two worlds and see different perspective, different narratives, When I finished high school and I had my existential crisis, I decided to go and see other worlds outside Mexico, pro Mexico, Rio. And that took me to Italy where I studied, fine arts for a while before COVID hit. when COVID hit, I decided to move to Switzerland to work, as a cashier earn some money and think what's gonna be my next thing in life because I, even though I loved art it was not really about the aesthetics, that I love about art, but about the message. And with Italy and the Renaissance, it was mostly about the aesthetics and how things look. Then the message behind, For me and my experience. And when I was in Switzerland, one day after coming back from work in the cashier, I was showering and there was a bottle shampoo. A shampoo bottle. A bottle of shampoo. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember this came into my mind like, whenever this shampoo's over, I need to go and embark on adventure that's gonna give me purpose and meaning. So every day I will shower and I will see the shampoo like come lower and lower. And I started like saving up, but I didn't have the destination. I didn't knew but once I promised something to myself, I keep my word. And basically it was New Year's. I saw the movie Madagascar with my family and I told them, you know what? The shampoo is gonna be over in one week. I'm gonna go to Madagascar. they were shocked, So I took my things. I moved to Madagascar, Then I moved to Tanzania. From Tanzania, started my bachelor's in the Netherlands. I did an exchange program in Hong Kong, traveled to Nepal, Turkey, Philippines, Thailand. Just from one word to another. Learning new ways of sensing, new ways of knowing, and new ways of feeling. that's a bit of the trajectory. when I finished my bachelor's in the Netherlands, I moved to Tanzania where there was my ex-partner, and we started a project after a couple months of living in Tanzania, I could sense within my heart that that was not, the place that I wanted to stay long term. so in one of the nights, where you are in existential crisis mode, I research master programs and I found the master's at teacher's college, spirituality, mind, body, and I was like, that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. But once again, I'm in the middle of nowhere in Tanzania, in the Savannah, and I was like, okay, let me put an application together for a month. And I worked for it on a month. I sent only one application and that took me to come here.

Rachel 20:37

Oh my My gosh, what a life. Wow. I think one thing about so many of these travels and your story thus far that I found really fascinating is, Tanzania living there, you've told me a lot about the lack of wealth. Mm-hmm. And the condition in which you were living was extremely different to what New York City brings. Will you tell us. how you feel now living in New York and having that perspective. Yeah, absolutely. when I was living in Tanzania, and I'm super grateful for all the communities that I was able to live alongside before we start this conversation, I would really like to emphasize what we consider as wealth and the different types of wealth. because despite there being a lack of resources, there was, uh. Gigantic community and relationship. with, each other, with the river with themselves also. So it was more a communal life where there was no rise in one household, there will be a sharing The other day I was really thinking about it and missing it because in a way, I was not defined by what I wear or what I consume. I was defined by how I treat others, how I treat myself, and how I walk in life. That was something really relieving for me and really, it, encompasses a lot of freedom There was also not expectations in such strong labels as I experienced in the west, back in my home in Mexico City. And yeah, it was completely freeing from one side. I remember coming to Colombia and the first week at the dining hall I remember actually texting you rich, there's so many types of milk. There's so much abundances, and it's something that is overwhelming too do I truly need 15 types of milk, which I didn't knew I was like, what's a half half?

Sophie 22:57

Because in Tanzania what we were used to, it was cattle milk and going outside that night sometimes and catling the cows and the goats. And then boiling that milk and then drinking it, and we took what we needed. We drink it all, and then it will be like a ongoing process. Well, here, I just saw all these machines and all these food and I was shocked how can we live in a world with such disparities in terms of equality of resources, equality of education, equality of services? I remember really vividly. I was in Tanzania doing research within my psych community and living alongside them and we were doing community conversations for social change, I was sitting there listening just holding space. And one of the elderly woman came to me in complete trust. We have established a space where we could talk about things from the heart, and she asked me, like, I have had this question for many, many years, Sophie, why people that look like you, a white woman from the west have more access to resources to services and to education than a person that looks like me, and that is in the situation that I am. I just paused for a second because it was a hard reality And not only that, but the responsibility we all have to reimagine systems of love and care. Yeah. I love the distinction you made with wealth in various places. We connect wealth to monetary value how much money we have how big our house is. it's interesting how we can have this material abundance and somehow experience such emptiness. Definitely. Although you were living in places where you saw a lack of resources, you saw a lot more abundance in this communal and relational aspect of life, which is missing and

Rachel 25:24

and people are lonely. Definitely. It's crazy that you ended up in New York and you have this drive and want to impact systems. What would you say to other people who have a similar desire to influence a system with love and empathy and care that can feel really out of your control?

Sophie 25:51

it it doesn't really matter what you are doing, it's the how you're doing things and walking your talk. Do they say it like that? Walk your talk I was having an existential crisis the other day. where should I go? Should I do into research, community engagement? Should I do policy? I sat down I centered myself. something in me came and said, Sophie, it doesn't matter what you do, it's how you do it, how you're walking in the street, how are you holding a door for another person? we have to learn to slow down and see each other again. Try to see each other truly for who we are. that's how we start changing the system by changing the way we treat each other. And by changing the way we care for each other, by slowing down and pausing and being like, Hey, I see you. that will be my advice. slow down and take a moment to care for each other and for yourself too. When have you felt the most seen Ooh. I am not sure if it is the most seen in my life, but a memory that I can recall right now. since I arrived here at tc, I have been, establishing a good friendship, with one of the security guards of the building where I am living at. I remember sharing a conversation with him about Mexican food and, how community comes together also through like celebrating food and celebrating being together and celebrating, eating that food together After a couple weeks of getting to know each other, one day he calls me in the morning and he says Sophie, come down. I have something for you. And he brought tamales. and we just ate tamales together for 30 minutes before our day started.

Sophie & Rach Audio 27:51

and it was just a moment of yeah. Food is to be celebrated. Food is to be shared And just that call in the morning receiving that call and let's celebrate food and life together on a Tuesday morning at 8:00 AM before a day starts it's what brings a lot of meaning to life, and it brings a lot of purpose in the most meaningful way possible. that's one of the moments that I truly felt seen because it was sharing and celebrating the most ordinary and simple things in life which is food and relation, intention, relationships, connection. Mm-hmm. Seeing your culture it sounds like this particular person must have listened well when you spoke about where you came from and, your history. What a way to end. We're coming to time and I'm so upset because I just wanna ask so many more questions, but we'll just have to have you back. How about that? Thank you for being here and being authentic as always, for sharing parts of your story and for expressing who you are. Which in three words, is curious, bold, and caring. I wanna give people the chance to connect with you So if you wanted to share a way that people could find you, feel free to do that before we close. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. It was such a pleasure and also a joyful moment to be having this conversation with you. a way you could contact me is through LinkedIn. It's Sophia Raimondo, and I just wanted to say, go slow down, take care of each other. Let's take care of love of each other and of rebuilding these relationships that we're missing. Mic drop. Okay. Thank you and have a great day everyone. Thanks for being here, and thank you, Sophie. See you next time.