Not Every Room Is Worth Your Time: Marie & Anne-Marie's Proven Method for Picking the Right Networking Events

Stop saying yes to every invite. Marie & Anne-Marie teach you how to vet networking rooms and protect your most valuable asset: your time.

You don't have to attend every networking event you're invited to — and in fact, you probably shouldn't. In this episode of Partnerships on Purpose, Marie and Anne-Marie pull back the curtain on how they decide which rooms are worth their time, which ones get a polite no, and how they consistently show up to the events that actually generate referral partnerships.

Anne-Marie walks through her exact process for evaluating cold invitations: researching the host on LinkedIn, looking at photos from past events to see who was in the room, checking for mutual connections, and assessing whether the audience aligns with her business. Cold invites almost always get a no. Warm referrals get a conversation — and then a list of qualifying questions.

Marie and Anne-Marie also talk about the importance of knowing your ask before you walk into any networking room. If you don't know what you need from a referral partner, you'll either be invisible in the room or leave with nothing actionable. They also caution against the "fly on the wall" mindset — showing up to a curated networking event just to observe is a missed opportunity and disrespects the host's investment in the room.

Whether you're evaluating a virtual event, a hybrid conference, or an in-person mastermind, this episode gives you a clear, strategic framework to decide where your time belongs — and the permission to say no to everywhere else.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

All right, welcome back everyone to Partnerships on Purpose. Um, as always, we have a really fun topic for today. Anne-Marie and I were just in the green room trying to figure out, you know, how to present this because um we have a lot of conversations about the right rooms to go in. If you have ever been a business owner in the online world, this is huge, right? Time is precious. We don't have time to just go into everybody's networking room. Um, obviously, we host a collaboration room, which we think is very amazing. Um, we don't have necessarily time to go out to every single event that there is. But if you're listening to this, then you do know partnerships are super important. And to be able to create good partnerships, you have to have conversations with people. You gotta get into the rooms. So we're gonna open this up, give you some thoughts a little bit about how we decide which rooms to go in, um, how we ask the right questions of people to make sure we are getting the most out of our time. And um, Anne-Marie will tell you about this about me, but uh my time is very precious, as is everybody's, and I'm very intentional with um not only the time that I spend with people, but how I plan my time afterwards, if that makes sense. We're huge on follow-up. So if you go to a room, you want to follow up. Anyway, I'm gonna open up the floor. Anne-Marie, I got a question for you because we were just talking about this. Um, you know, when we get the question about um the invite, maybe we get an invite. Somebody asks us, hey, do you want to come to my networking event? Hey, Anne-Marie, why don't you just join us? Come with us. I I get a group of people together. It's very curated, it's very amazing. Um how do you make the choice whether you go or not? Like, and I'm sure every person listening gets this all the time. You get 5,000 invites every single week. You join my room. How do you decide where to go?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Um, so I'm gonna back up just a little bit. I get on average one to two invitations a day to go to a networking event. Yeah, to go to a networking event. I'll wake up in the morning and it's literally like either an event that I've been to before or a new event, or it's on my LinkedIn as an event. So um, very much like you, um I love networking, I love meeting people, I love connection, but I want to be very mindful about where I'm spending my time and who I'm spending my time with. So um if I get so I have a couple of different scenarios. If I get it by email and I've never heard of the person before in my life, uh which happens, believe it or not, um, the first thing I'm going to do um is look them up on LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

I think this is huge. Okay, this is a huge thing because we talk about this with our clients and with our partners. Yeah. If you're gonna be doing partnerships, yes, you have to be out there. You have to have an updated profile, you have to have a website. Yes, you have to have something. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I'm just gonna like pin this because we do this for other people. The assumption is they're doing the same thing. So you go to LinkedIn and you take a look at them.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yeah, take a look at their profile, take a look at whether or not they've posted about their event. Um, and then you kind of do some some digging, right? So if you if they posted about the event, and most people do, so this is just a little tip, everyone. They'll post a picture of who is in the room. I always click on that picture. I want to see who is in the room. Now, the idea is that I'm going into rooms where I can meet new people, right? Not see meet the same people all the time. It's not about the the the quantity, it's about the quality of people, it's about different people. So I will always take a look at that room. And I'm like, if I'm like, oh yeah, you know what, I don't know a good portion of these people, that's gonna kind of check one of my boxes. Um, obviously, I also look at the time commitment. I'm very much like if somebody's hosting a three-hour event, it's probably not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Um, I'm especially for the first one, like if you're getting a cold invite to a host you don't know into a room you're not sure of, and now you've committed three hours, like yeah, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Yeah, yeah. Um, 60 minutes, 90 minutes max is what I'm looking at from a time um commitment. Um, so if it's a cold invite, it's coming in by email. Those are the things that I do. I look at that, I'll look at their website, you know, I'll look at who they're connected to because that's also very important when I'm looking at them on LinkedIn. Do we have mutual connections? Um, you know, looking at their profile, right? What space are they in? Does it make sense for me from a business perspective um to put myself in that room? So um depending on that, and obviously if I'm available, then sometimes either I'll ask to get on a call, and sometimes if I'm really interested, but I'm not sure, I'll actually have just a quick connection call with them. Um the majority of the time, I'll be honest, I'll say no if it's cold. Yeah, I'll say no.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Like, but I think that's good, right? Like if you're getting a cold DM or a cold email saying, Hey, come join my room, and there's no background or preface, like you already probably have your two or three other invites that are coming from warm referrals, I would assume.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Yeah, exactly. So now if it's a warm referral and I'm on a call with somebody, that's really different, right? That'll be somebody either saying, Hey, I host this event, and then I'll I'll I'm not gonna say yes, I want to come right away. Well, tell me about your event. Who's in the room? What do you guys do? What do you talk about? How often do you host it, right? So those are the types of questions that I ask. Um, you know, um, what's the format of the event, right? Because often that changes the like how an event is run is is very important. Like I personally have been in a lot of rooms, but I hate when I have to go into a room and they say, you have 90 minutes to tell us about yourself, what you do, and your offer. I hate it with a passion. I've been to so many events like that. So I know that I don't thrive in those rooms. I get nothing out of it. So I'd rather just not put myself in those rooms. Um, so it's really important that you understand what type of events you, what style of events you like to um be in, where you thrive the most, what can you contribute, what value can you give to those events? So if I'm having a conversation with somebody, I'll ask those questions, right? Then obviously um I don't, I'll say, send me the link, I'll take a look at it. If it works in my calendar, then you know, yes. Um, often at times people don't host their own event. So they'll say, hey, you know what? I know about this event. I went to this event, it's such a great room. Obviously, the referral ones are the ones that I'm interested in because that, like, it's like, hey, these people have been to this event, they made some great connections. I'm gonna check this one out, right? Obviously, do my due diligence, but I think those are the best rooms. The other thing I would say is attend once, always go back because it's not always um, you know, you go to that first event. I I was just talking to Marie before. I went to an in-person event um here locally, and the first event I went to was great. I loved it. I came back, it was amazing, I felt good. Um, a couple months later, I went back to this event. I didn't have the same feeling, and I actually made the decision that this wasn't the room for me. Um, so you know, I think it's important to go feel the vibe, feel the energy, see the people, and then make a decision of like, okay, great, this worked. Do I go back? If it doesn't, if and always we always say this trust your gut instinct. If you're not feeling it, just don't go back. Just let it go. Yeah. If you're feeling it, then give it another chance and see. Um, so obviously, those are the two things that I do when people come to me. Um, but I think it's important to ask the questions. Don't just commit, ask the questions and then ask yourself questions. Does it make sense for me to be in this room? What can I contribute? What is the value? What am I gonna get from it? What do I want to get from it?

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Well, that's what I was gonna say is like for you to be able to answer all these questions about an event and an invite. And we're talking about obviously networking events, specifically to be able to meet other partners, right? That's what we want to do. We want to expand our network, we want to get referrals. You have to know what your ask is. Um, we don't usually work with people unless they actually have some kind of system process sale, whatever they're asking for. They have to have that solid. Um, and then once they do, they need to know what they need from those referral partners or those um those affiliates if you're looking for those or whatever. Uh, we don't usually go to networking events to look for affiliates. We're usually there to look for partners, people who are interested in increasing visibility through working together. Um, but if you don't have that already outlined, I would say don't attend an event. Um, we've had people before. I'm just gonna small soapbox. We've had people before who are like, I just want to be a fly on the wall. I just want to listen in. Nah, man. Don't no. Here's the thing: if somebody's putting together a networking event and we host a networking, right? Right, we have the collaboration room. We are very intentional about that. You're not sitting in a fly on the wall, right? We're putting you into a breakout room. You're gonna have a conversation that's in there. You are gonna have your ask, you're gonna be doing things. You should have your video on. We'll link back to that one because we had a whole episode about how important it is to show up and to represent yourself. Um, this is how you do that. But don't go into a room and you're just like, I want to be a fly on the wall. I think it's way better, like Anne-Marie said, where, hey, I'm not quite sure about this event. Can we get on a quick 15-minute and make sure it's the right fit for me and the right fit for you? I think any host that's out there is gonna want to have a conversation and say, yes, let's have a quick chat. Nobody wants you to go in and just do nothing with your camera off, not saying anything. They're gonna try to put you in to connect or to breakout rooms or whatever. It's not the type of networking event that we look at. Now, there's definitely events out there that allow you to do that. You can be the little person in the corner. Those are usually hundred-plus-person events, right? Or something like that. I'm thinking of a couple partners that we have that we know of. Um, they have big groups of people. The chat is going crazy. People are just dropping all kinds of links and everything. It's not our vibe. That's why we need the collaboration room, right? We want people to have conversation. Um so none of those are out there, and maybe that's what you want. But either way, you have to know what you need to get out of it. And you only know that if you know what your ask is and you know what you can give and to contribute. Like you have to know what your partnership program is to be able to do that. Um, and have conversations with people. It's huge, it's massive. So yeah. What else do you want?

SPEAKER_00 11:40

No, I agree, I agree. And I think, you know, um think about be ready when you're going into the room. If you're not ready, then don't go, don't waste people's time. And I think that's the biggest thing. Um, some of the events that I've been to, I put myself in the room and then I look around and I'm like, oh my God, these people are not at the level that um I was expecting, right? So now I'm having, I'm not gonna say useless conversations, but I'm having conversations with people that I know are not gonna go anywhere. Um, so it's a very um it's kind of maddening, I'm gonna say, you know, and well, it's frustrating again, going back to like your time is precious.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Yeah, you blocked out 60, 90 minutes out of your day. If you know, we had talked about this. You you're gonna want to do follow-ups and stuff. You're gonna assume they're gonna be people in the room. So it does get kind of frustrating when you're like, you've had to reschedule things, maybe, like, so it's just a good use of time. And I would say um, I want to talk about attending events as well, because we use events, any event we're attending is a networking event, right? Like if we're going to listen to speakers on the brakes, and I think most events now in person, this is what I'm talking about. In person, go to the event, fly on a plane, go to the thing. Um, when you're going to an in-person event, it is about networking, and you have to prepare yourself to do that. Um, but again, you have to vet that room to make sure your people are there. We do this all the time. And I don't, I haven't been asked this by other people. What we ask all the time, this is one of those realizations where I'm like, do we do things differently? Well, yes, we do. Um the thing we ask people all the time is which event was best for them to find more partners. We will ask people constantly which event should we attend? And we ask our partners that we trust, like the people that are in our world consistently, our people that are in um JV management spaces, we'll ask them. We'll also ask, like I was just on a partnership call right before this. Hey, what event or what mastermind are you in? What event are you attending? I'll ask the random people down the street, like, hey, where are you going? How's it going? What are you doing? Because I want to get their opinion. Um, we know, I think as business owners, that people put the best face forward on their website, right? The five stars, everything loved it. Oh, they didn't have any issues, everything was great, wonderful. So when you get that honest opinion from somebody who is like, hey, I went to this event, really loved this, didn't like that. Now you can make a decision if it's worth your time to go to that.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Absolutely. Absolutely. What other questions would you ask? No, I think um I it's not questions. I think sometimes, and this is what I've done in the past, is if it's a hybrid event, um, and just like Marie said, there's costs. There's cost, like most of the um networking virtual events that you do will be either free or low cost. So it'll be $27 or $47, right? So you're like, hey, I can I can spend that if it makes sense. But when you're going to an in-person event, you have your flight, you have your accommodations, you have your food, you have your cost of the ticket. So it adds up. Now, what I've done in the past is sometimes if I don't have all that information or if I didn't get enough from people or I'm not sure. Um, and there's a hybrid, so it's a virtual or an in-person, I'll attend the virtual one. Right. Um, because when you attend the virtual one, usually the cost of the ticket is less. And then I'm like, okay, well, you know what? I'm gonna feel out the room. I'm gonna see what the content is, I'm gonna see what the flow is. Um, having an event background is probably not a good thing for people that are putting on events when I attend because I'm very like I check every little thing. But that is another way to say, hey, you know what? Um, I'm gonna check out this event. And if if I love it, then next year I'll actually go out and fly and meet people, right? Um, so that's a that's another consideration when you're thinking about those rooms. Um the the challenge is sometimes you're right, the people put their best foot forward and um it's like it's gonna be this and it's gonna be that, and then they'll list like their target market on their website, and you'll meet like there'll be like 400 business owners there, and you know, like, but they're all there for different reasons. Um, so you went to an event, Marie. I'm gonna put you on the spot. You went to an event last week. So you're obviously what were you going to that event for? Obviously, networking, we know, but you know, what was what came out of it?

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Yeah. So I did. I went to an event. Now I was very lucky. It was easier choice because it was in the city that I live in. So um, bigger event for um uh a CRM that we use a lot. A lot of the people use that. So it just made sense for me to attend. It was created to be a networking event. They put a lot of energy into the breaks that were there, and they had coffee that was out, and they created little tables and they had the outside, like they created the space for people to chat in little groups and connect, which I think was huge. They also did curated dinners. So they were like, fill out this form, we'll put you in a dinner group. And then there were six people at each table that already had your your same interests in there, which I really appreciate. So I'm gonna attend an event that does have networking. Now I was interested in the speakers, absolutely. There were so many good speakers, and I did go to the speakers and I wanted to listen in. I go to events because I want to see what the trends are, right? Like I went to the affiliate uh workshop, I went in to hear what somebody was doing to promote their book. Like I wanted to hear as an industry leader, like that's something that I want to continue to hear from other people. Um, and I think that it was intentional for them to do the happy hours and to have coffee and walks in the morning. Um, I would choose to go back to that event again because there was networking as a part of it. It would be very difficult for me to say yes to an event, even if I didn't have to fly there, that was just booths, right? Or you're just walking around like a big venue, like it's not created. Even if there were speakers that were there or presenters that were there, I don't want to be talked at. I want to be talked, you know, I want to talk with people. Um, so I would choose that. And we've been to events before in person where it, you know, they do create space where you can have connections. Um, in our world, that's the standard. You're gonna have to have networking, you're gonna have to create it. People want to chat, they want to get together, they want to talk. Um, and if you can set it up with coffee and tea, Annory's a big proponent of this, so you should go. But uh, you should have some kind of beverage there for people to have lemon water, whatever, uh, and connect. So um biggest thing for us, I guess, in this whole episode is around asking people which room to go to. Um, get feedback from the people who have actually tended and create a safe space for them to give you honest, um, honest feedback about it. You know, you will almost always get it. If you ask somebody one-on-one, hey, you went to this event, what did you think? They'll tell you the things that they like, but they'll also say, and it didn't quite fit because of this. What we also often hear is the people that were in the room were not what that was presented. And that's hard. That's hard for you to say yes to and to join in. Um, so I anything else you want to add before we finish up?

SPEAKER_00 19:35

No, I think you know what you've touched on this a couple of times. Your time is valuable. Yes. Um, and it's okay to say no. You don't have to go to every event. So ask the right questions. And if you're feeling it, go. If you don't feel it, don't go.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

We give you permission, friends. If you don't feel it, don't go. All right. Well, we will see you on the next episode. Thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Thank you.