Your Voice is a Present

Your voice is a present so when was the last time you used it to make a phone call to someone you care about? 

Maybe there was a time someone called you just to say hi and it made you feel awesome. There is science behind that feeling. 

The sound of someone’s voice can change your biology quite fast and even lower your cortisol and heart rate making you feel calmer and happier. 

Join me today as I outline 4 steps to making a phone call and connecting with someone you care for in as little as 3 minutes. Your nervous system responds fast to a calm and soothing voice. 

Thank you for sharing your time with me Sunshine! Your spark is important, You Sparkle!

@Emanate.Love.with.Emily  

Emanate Love: Solution-focused mindset training. Sustainable solutions that provide lasting results through the power of our stories. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Good morning, sunshine, and welcome back to the Eminate Love Podcast. Today is a different kind of day, and I wanted to start with something simple. A question. When was the last time someone called you? Not texted, not said a meme, not sent a video, but actually called just to say, hey, I was thinking about you. If you can remember it, I bet you can also remember how it felt. There's a reason for that, and it turns out it isn't sentimental. It's biology. Your body actually changes when it hears a voice that loves you, or just a calm, soothing, nurturing voice. And that's what today is all about. By the end of this, you're gonna have four easy steps that will help guide you through any phone call and help you get on the phone more. Because I know, at least for me, there was a time in my life where I didn't know how to make a phone call. I was very uncomfortable with the whole process, and I was petrified of calling people because I thought I was going to be interrupting them. And the truth is, yeah, you might be interrupting somebody sometimes, but you also could be the one thing that could sue their entire neurological system in less than three minutes. That's a lot of power. Don't you want to have that kind of an effect on somebody? You can. You can be that person for yourself and others. And, you know, it's crazy because I'm actually headed to be somewhere with people I love today, and it's been a different type of transition into summer than I could have ever planned. And I don't know about you, but transitions are not always my favorite. And there's a lot of stuff that happens during transitions, and some things get lost in transition, and maybe that's that's good. But transitions can be unsettling because it's a change, and we can't always control all the pieces. But what we can control is our response to what's happening, and it feels really good to make a deliberate choice and to recognize what's happening, why it's maybe making you feel a certain way, and what where your power actually lies. Now, I want us to think of a voice as a presence because that's what it is. It's literally a present that you can give someone, but it's also a presence. P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E. And I love thinking about a voice as that, because that's exactly what it was for me this week. I called somebody I really cared about, didn't really know what was going to happen with that phone call. I literally just thought of them, and I follow the rules that I have for myself is if you think about someone, it's probably good to reach out because that's the world's way of telling you that they matter for you right now, and you need to reach out. So if you think about someone, give them a call. Don't send them a text. Because there's this there's actually research out there, and they did it at a university, and they discovered that after giving a bunch of girl students some stressful instructions, some math problems, and some some stressful situations, they presented some of the girls with just an auditory contact with their mom, like a a voice, a message or conversation with them over the phone. Some of the girls got their moms in person, some of the girls got a text from their mom, and some of the girls got no contact at all from their mom. And it was interesting because what happened with this whole thing is that the girls who only got a text, they their hormones and their body responded basically the exact same as the girls who got no contact at all. I'm gonna say that again because it's that powerful. The girls who got no contact at all had the exact same biological response with their hormones, their cortisol, as the girls who only got a text. So the text message was ineffective at producing a hormonal change and a response with somebody's cortisol and oxytocin. And what I should say is that let me back up a little bit. In that study, they measured the cortisol, and it was lower in the girls who actually heard their mom's voice or saw their mom or had some auditory connection to their mom. And the oxytocin, um, it's the bonding hormone, was higher. So, but in the girls who only got a text, their hormones looked basically the same as the girls who got no contact at all. So it's quite remarkable that our bodies know with the cortisol, the oxytocin, with our vagal nerves, our bodies know if we're getting a soothing mechanism like a voice, and they know the power of a voice versus the power of a text. And it's quite remarkable that it seems like the same information is given, whether or not it's in a text or over the phone. The message might be the same, but there's something different about hearing somebody's voice. Now, a lot of us think, oh, I don't have time, oh, it's gonna take forever, that person's long-winded, I'm gonna get stuck on the phone. You know, there's there's four rules to make this phone call. And to make a phone call that matters, it only needs to be three to five minutes because you need to plan your entrance and your exit. Okay, so there's four steps. Number one, if you think about it, do it. There's never a perfect time to call someone because even if you don't get them, you can leave a message if their box isn't full. And wouldn't it feel better to come home to a message where somebody actually left you something beautiful and soothing? Like, hey, I'm thinking about you today, and I was worried about you with this and this, and I hope that you're doing well, and I just wanted to check in on you. I love you. Goodbye. That could be so much more soothing than a missed call or a text. So, number one, if you think of it, do it. Number two, a short call can be good, three to five minutes. It doesn't need to be long. You need to just plan your number three, plan your entry. Here's a good phrase for you that I got from an aunt of mine who helped me transition into making phone calls about 15 years ago. I was thinking of you and I wanted to call and say hi. I was thinking about you and I wanted to call and say hi. It's a great entry. It lets them take it wherever they want. They can say, you know what, I'm actually in the middle of something right now. Can I call you back in five minutes? You can say, sure, great. They can say whatever they want to say. It's the most beautiful thing because it's thoughtful, sensitive, and if that's the only thing they get to hear from you, that could be enough. And it's so beautiful because it gives them the power and the control to say whatever they want. They can say, I'm doing great, oh, I'm a little frazzled, oh, I'm a little this. People sometimes just need to talk in order to process their situation. And the conversational get going from that one question. And then you need to use your exit. Now you need to think about your exit before you get on the phone because sometimes you're talking, and it's really hard to think of a way to get off the phone when you're in the middle of a conversation and you want to keep talking, and they want to keep talking, and yet you need to end it because of different constraints and limits. So here's a few exits you could think of you could use. I need to pick up da da da. I'd love to talk more. Let's try this again sometime. Or I need to go to the bathroom right now. I actually need to get going right now because I have to go to the bathroom, but let's talk again soon sometime. That lets them know, hey, it needs to end now, but let's do this again sometime. If you genuinely enjoyed it. Or I need to get ready for da-da-da. I'm gonna have to go, and I know it's a little short of a phone call, but I I just wanted to hear your voice. And I just wanted to have a moment with you. So thanks for picking up, and thanks for sharing this moment with me. It never hurts to thank somebody, right? So I I hope some of this resonates for you today. It hasn't been the longest of my podcasts, but I think just knowing that you can lower somebody's cortisol, you can increase their oxytocin, and you can calm their neurological system with even a few minutes on the phone, that's some power and that's some control. Think about who you really enjoy. Think about who you want more time with, but who you may not be able to see because of distance or other variables outside of your control. And give yourself what you need. Eat a little something first, sit in a comfortable chair before you make the phone call. Do it when you're well fed and as comfortable as possible. Because what you might discover is they wanted to hear your voice even more than you wanted to hear theirs. And it could be great for both of you because there's something about a voice that science is finally able to measure, but it it soothes you in a way that nothing else can. And every day is an opportunity to be the new you, to practice the new you and to do more of what makes you really happy. If being with people and experiencing something with a group is something that you really enjoy, give yourself that moment. Don't let people put you in a box. Don't let people say tell you that you don't need to come. People love you, but people want you there. And just because something in your history might have suggested something different doesn't mean that that's gonna happen for you anymore. You got this, sunshine. Let yourself flow. Let yourself go. And let yourself create a beautiful moment with your voice. Because your voice is a present. And it's the only presence that someone might need today. So use it. You got this sunshine. Love you.