The Bikini in the Backyard

Good afternoon Sunshine! Join me as I share the bikini in the backyard story and the trouble train. 

If you need more love in your life, you have come to the right place. My experiential approach to learning begins with encouraging mantras and tips for the week followed by stories. 

 If you’re struggling in stress alley, you have come to the right place. Every episode integrates tools that build a better connection between your body and brain. 

If you feel different- you rock! It takes a difference to make a difference and sometimes we need to try something new to build our best selves. 

Thank you for sharing your time with me Sunshine! Your spark is important, You Sparkle!

@Emanate.Love.with.Emily  

Emanate Love: Solution-focused mindset training. Sustainable solutions that provide lasting results through the power of our stories. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi Sunshine and welcome back to the Eminate Love podcast. I'm so excited to talk with you today about the bikini in the backyard. Now before we get to the bikini in the backyard, I want to share a tip of the week and followed by a story that I wrote about Stress Alley. So the tip of the week this week is to dance like you're attending a party. Now if that sounds too intimidating or you're not even a dancer, then simply move one part of your body like you're at a party. Pick your head or your shoulders, your fingers. Choose one part of your body. And if you're really resistant to dancing, um maybe just move your feet or move your elbows like you're at a party. And I mentioned this because movement is such an important element to building clarity and to helping us process our experiences and find the strength to move forward. Now, sometimes by simply moving one part of our body, it helps us process our experiences and our memories, and it'll bring ideas into our brain. And what's really powerful is just how the brain processes things and how we can reintegrate the things that have happened to us in our life and move forward. And we can only do that with clarity. So my tip this week is to do something love, do something you love, or dance like you're attending a party, and even if it's not dancing, simply move one part of your body like you're at a party. Because this last week I actually was walking down the street when I heard some drums and cymbals and things, and I had to experience the sounds that I was hearing. So I went to a new group of people that I've never met before and joined their group, and it was transformative and healing and calming to be with a friendly group of people, moving my body in a way that I hadn't done so before with a group, and simply nodding my head with the beat of the cymbals was enough for me to feel more connected to myself and to feel a sense of calm amidst the things that were happening in my life and in the lives of those that I love. And so I share this because it's a small thing, but it can make a big difference, and you never know which sounds or which beats or which music is gonna help unlock the experience for you. So try something new, don't be afraid. I went with myself to the beat of the drums and the cymbals, and I met an amazing group that was actually created and discovered, well, and discovered apparently by the Beatles a long time ago in New York. And they have a place here on the West Coast in Southern California. So it was remarkable, it was beautiful, it was healing, and it helped me recalibrate, recenter, and find some clarity. Now, if you're not a movement person, just try to get used to the idea of maybe movement in your life. And if you're not there yet, here's two mantras that I've been saying lately that have helped me in Stress Alley. Now, Stress Alley is that place where you go and you might feel like a zombie, you might feel dysregulated, you might feel uncomfortable if you're in stress alley. And usually one mantra can help get you out of stress alley. But what I found lately is that two mantras are very helpful. My main mantra that I first began with about 15 years ago is I am strong. And the two mantras that I've been reciting lately are I have a beautiful life, and I am a beautiful life. So when I'm in stress alley or I'm feeling stressed about something, I recite those two things to myself, and it helps center me, it helps me get some traction in my brain when I'm trying to slow the game down, I'm trying to slow everything down, I'm trying to build some clarity in a hot moment. So those are just some small little tips. I hope they're helpful. And it's my goal, Sunshine, that by the end of this episode, as always, you leave feeling refreshed, recharged, rejuvenated, and you have a few more tools in your tool belt that you can rely on when things get a little bit shaky. Because, Sunshine, I'm sorry if you've had a rough week. And I'm sorry if you're in pain and you're hurting right now. I want to help you, but there isn't much that I can physically do right now because I'm not physically with you. But as we spend this time together, I'm glad that you came to me. And together we're both gonna learn. Because anytime we share a piece of ourselves and our hearts with others, that love is a seed. And that love, if it's based in truth, can grow. And it can help others grow. And it's a beautiful gift that I love sharing with others is the gift of truth and love. And when you're hurting, you did the right thing, Sunshine. You paused, you took a break, and you reached out for help. And if you you didn't do those things, don't worry, because I know you're capable of doing it. And I know next time you're gonna get it. Because you're a good person and you deserve the comfort and solutions that you're seeking. I'm grateful for your example, and I'm grateful that you're patient with me, because I'm juggling a lot of glitter of my own right now. It seems that some glitter threw into came into my room and flew in from the window. And it seems to be growing between the baseboards like a glitter bush that is wet and soggy and uncomfortable. So thanks, honey, for being patient with me in your pain. We will figure this out together. Okay? Now, Sunshine, I have a special story that I wrote when I was coming through my own stress. And I was in a stressful moment, and I needed to name some of the things in that moment so that I could process the things that were happening to me, and that I could build a new story for myself, and build a new story for the pain and the things that I was feeling. Because when you can name it, you can tame it, sunshine. Now, this story about Stress Alley is called the Trouble Train. Now the Trouble Train This is a quite a short little story. It's only about four paragraphs long. Four little paragraphs. So here we go, sunshine. Are you ready? The trouble train knows my name, racing through my body with sudden pain. Anger ants control this train. They put mean thoughts inside my brain. They shrink my brain so teeny tiny small they make me feel I don't matter at all. They stop my brain from thinking big thoughts. They make me move so I won't pop. They yell my name with shock and blame. They want control to ease their pain. They rush me out to start my day, they wreck my life so I can't play. The trouble train knows their name, racing through their bodies with sudden pain. When anger ants strike and trouble is intense, the words they use don't make much sense. You always and you never are lies that hide their pain. They say this when they play the anger game you see today. I give myself power with a sunrise shower. I rise every day with the words I say. I am strong and I belong. I am enough and I know my stuff. My differences make me real with the thoughts I think and the feelings I feel. I have complete control. I stop the trouble train because I'm not the same. My love is enough and I know my stuff. I have complete control. Nature soothes my aching heart. Water helps my system start. Hearing sounds of rain soothes my pain and gives me calm inside my brain. Pausing, stopping, and wanting peace gives me power to choose and release. Going to the ocean is my new love potion. Dancing in the waves creates positive emotions. I am enough and I know my stuff. I have complete control. I know the trouble train, but I am not the same. It races near my body and it doesn't cause me pain. When stress is high, anger lies. Calm is lost and says goodbye. When I listen, I can hear. Anger lies inside my ears. When anger ants strike, drama gets intense, and their words and actions don't make any sense. You always and you never were words I used to say, but love took over the fear in my brain today. I am strong and I belong. I am tough and I know my stuff. My differences make me real with the thoughts I think and the feelings I feel. I have complete control. Now sunshine. I hope you enjoyed that story. I love reading it because it soothes me and it calms me down and it helps me see an experience in a playful way instead of through the intense language that some professionals want to use. I choose to look at things through play and through imagination and through creativity. I find it more healing. And I hope you do too. Which brings us to the story of the day, which is the bikini in the backyard. Now, I'm gonna start this story with a beautiful mantra that I heard once from one of my children. When I asked my kids to record a voice memo on my phone once, because I was trying to build my inner coach, one of my kids said, Mom, I know it is hard for you when I'm gone. I feel your pain and your sadness. I hope I can fix that. I also hope that you will never be alone, and I also hoped that you can come, and I'm very sad that you can't, and I'm going to miss you a lot. And in that message, I felt so much love. I felt so much concern and a genuine, authentic message that my child needed to share with me. And if you're trying to build your inner coach and trying to soften the edges of your inner critic, voice memos are really helpful. And the other thing that's really helpful is seeing your body move. Now, mirrors are such a luxury. Having a mirror is a luxury. You may be thinking, well, we we have mirrors all around us, they're in the bathrooms, they're at our homes or in our cars, we can turn our phone on and we have a mirror. But back in the day, they didn't have a lot of mirrors. But we do, and are we using them to help our bodies heal, to help our brains reintegrate? I don't know. But I did, and when I discovered the power of seeing my body move in my windows in my backyard, and how I'd have light bulb moments as I played my favorite playlist and listened to them on either my earbuds or on the stereo, on the speaker. I found that wearing a bikini, something that didn't really fit me at the time, it's not something that was attractive and arguably is still not a hundred percent attractive, but it's something that I believe that as you dress for what you want to wear, you eventually will wear that. And for me, whenever I'm trying to be my best self, I will intentionally wear something that shows my body in a way that is maybe not the most flattering, but it shows me what I'm working with, and it helps me feel my body again after a really tough time or a really tough period. And sometimes in life we go through things that change us and seem to even maybe break us, right? I call it the great leveler, right? When you have an experience like grief or something traumatic, something hard that levels you, and you have to rebuild. And how do you do that? Well, movement. And one type of movement that I've really found a lot of success with is dance, and I'm not professionally trained. I took a little bit of ballet as a kid, and I have probably five left feet, and um, you know, I definitely don't move like the people in those TikTok videos or those Instagram videos, but but hearing my favorite music and my favorite playlist, I call it my power playlist. I created this glitter yoga power playlist when I worked in public supported housing. And whenever I hear those songs, it motivates me, it inspires me, it helps me move, helps me get going for the day. So I love playing my favorite playlist, putting on my bikini, and going in my backyard. And dancing and moving and doing calisthenics. And for me, when I started the bikini in the backyard, I didn't even have a great back. I was rebuilding my lower back after my opportunity that happened in 2019, and so I literally did physical therapy and learned how to strengthen my hips by putting a band around my thighs. And it's a very important strengthening exercise if you want to strengthen your hips. I didn't know I had weak hips, but I did, and most people do. And when you're strengthening your hips, putting that rubber band-like thing above your knees, slightly above your knees, squatting like you're sitting on a toilet, and shuffling your legs backwards and forwards strengthens your hips. And that was the dance that I'm talking about at the beginning. It wasn't a cool Justin Bieber video with lots of cool backup singers, or you you name it anybody famous who dances. Um it was me trying to recenter myself, activate my brain, and be in my body again after an intense period of things that had happened to me. So by putting that band around my legs and wearing my bikini, I noticed in my reflection in the windows, and I remember feeling new, feeling different, feeling seen for the first time in years, and I could see myself as the wind was blowing my hair around, and my body was kind of disheveled and definitely didn't look bikini ready, but it gave me some clarity, it gave me a moment of truth, and it helped me see myself for where I am and who I am and what I'm trying to be, and it felt great, and it helped me process my experience because for me, movement helps me process things, just like talking helps me process things, movement helps me process things, and as I was dancing with that band around my thighs, I eventually was able to strengthen my hips and my back such that I wasn't confined to just those restrictive movements. I was able to lift weights and stand on boulders and climb things and do more dance-like movements that I had never thought I could do, and develop an interest in dance that led to taking a few dance classes. And I just can't emphasize the power of a mirror or your reflection as you try to get reintegrated into your body after something big, and the importance of being outside, being in nature that can help you have more light bulb moments in your life. But I promise you that if you'll try some type of movement, you will find your way through whatever you're in, and wherever you've been, you'll create a beautiful distance between where you've been and where you want to be. And there's nothing better. There's nothing better than seeing that progress, than being the person that you came here to be. Nothing better than that. So, sunshine, I hope the bikini in the backyard is something that you can think about as you try to juggle the glitter in your life. Because as we all come through stress alley, we have to create anchor points of love and truth for ourselves and spaces that feel safe and that help us reintegrate and find our power and activate our power as we're sifting through what we've been through, what we're gonna call it, how we're gonna describe it, and how we're gonna move forward. Because clarity is priceless. The new you, the you that's always been there, but didn't have the courage to come out and play. That's the you that you want to feed, that's the you that you want to grow. Because you can do this, sunshine, you can love yourself. And in the words of a dear friend who I met at the surfing sand, actually, and she was so full of self-love. She wore a bright-colored jogging suit, and she was sitting across from me at a munch and mingle, and I'll never forget what she told me. She's like, you gotta love yourself, and you gotta take care of yourself because no one else is gonna do that. And she was celebrating her birthday that week, actually, and um she's awesome, she is awesome. Sauce, and I'm so glad I met her. So, sunshine. If you feel like your body can't tell the difference between burnt toast and an actual forest fire, just know that being in some type of a bikini in the backyard is one step towards more clarity. It's one step toward helping your body identify the differences between that burnt toast and an actual forest fire. Because as you dance and you move, even if you choose to just move your head or your arms, you're gonna reconcile the things inside of you with the things around you, and you can stay present in your body, and you can stay in this moment, however uncomfortable it might be, however smoky it might feel. There is no fire, there is no smoke, it's just a memory, it's just what your body's trying to tell you, but it's wrong sometimes. And it's your job to tell yourself with the best words that you have that you're safe, that you've got this because you are a beautiful life and you have a beautiful life. I'm so grateful for this beautiful week we have, this beautiful week of the Fourth of July, a week of reflection, gratitude, and celebration. I'm grateful for those that have come before me, that have sacrificed for my freedoms, and I'm grateful for the systems that exist that are there to help us. And I'm grateful for love. I hope you have a good one, Sunshine. Take care.