Real Love is Power with these 3 Ingredients

Welcome back sunshine! This week we learn about real love. The 3 ingredients that make something real love and how to create permanent neural change for ourselves with love. 

Join me as I share a story about Fonts Point- a beautiful place I discovered while car camping almost 10 years ago. I drove up to this remote area only to discover my solitude was a little less mine than I thought. There was a filming crew from Hollywood shooting some footage for a film. Luckily they took their lights and cameras at sunset and went back to the city so I could enjoy the spot with solitude.

Real love comes with new experiences we create for ourselves that are ours. Real love helps us move forward at times when we need a new map or a new road. It gives us the space and control we need to live our best lives and honor our differences. 

Thank you for sharing your time with me Sunshine! Your spark is important, You Sparkle!

@Emanate.Love.with.Emily  

Emanate Love: Solution-focused mindset training. Sustainable solutions that provide lasting results through the power of our stories. 

Transcript

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Good afternoon, Sunshine. Welcome back to the Eminate Love Podcast with Emily. And I am so grateful that you are tuning in again. And this week we're going to be talking about real love and how we can grow free with power as we choose real love. Okay, and the tip of the week this week is to try something new. Even if you only do it at 50% capacity, it could be a win. It could be a real win. For myself, I thought I'm gonna try this Tai Chi walking that everyone's raving about. It's all the rage. Uh low impact, all ages, massive results within weeks. And it only requires five to ten minutes of moving your body in gentle fluid motion. So it doesn't require any weightlifting, no repetitions. I was I was game. And so I tried it. I I threw my hat in to the Tai Chi walking, and I was wrong. I was wrong. It's it's probably an amazing form of exercise. In fact, I know it is. Um, I probably could have had some pretty good results. I was definitely sore. I was so sore I had to take a few days off, and I didn't even go to the gym. Um here I was trying a form of exercise that didn't require any weightlifting, and I hurt my shoulder. So there you go. I tried something new, I discovered that I still love it, I I still want to do it. I'm gonna do it gentler, and I'm going to work those gentle muscles of mine, and and and I found a real growth opportunity for myself. So I'm going to approach this again and not give up on this. Um, but it's something that I think can produce excellent results. I I still am a believer. I'm especially a believer because I did what I thought was Tai Chi walking and woke up completely, completely sore the next day. So, and incapacitated from going to the gym. So there you go. I can't believe that happened. I'm still in shock over it, but I shared it with a close friend of mine, and she and I had a good laugh. Because in life, sometimes things are a little bit messier or different than what we what we even think is possible, right? So I'm gonna practice giving myself some compassion in this moment, okay? And I'm gonna say some things that I could say to myself if I'm trying to be kind to myself about this. You know, good job, love heart. You know, I'm so proud of you for trying something new. Just because it's messy doesn't mean it's wrong. You've worked really hard, and I hope you're just taking a little bit of time to sit and relax for a second. And I want you to know that in the midst of all the things that you're busy coordinating and all the things that you're trying to do, I'm proud of you for trying something new. I'm proud of you for trying something different because you're in a different place and you need different solutions. And you were brave enough to try something new. So I'm really proud of you for that. And in a few days, when you feel a little bit better, you'll be able to wrap your head around all the things that just happened and why they happened and what happened and what you could do to make sure that that won't happen again. Because just because it's different doesn't mean that you're lost. And just because it feels a little bit methy, doesn't mean you're a failure. You actually succeeded at trying something new, and I'm really proud of you for trying that. Okay, everyone. This week we are going to talk about the three ways to create real love and grow free with your power. Now, those three ways include number one, trying new things, fun things, creating new moments for yourself, new experiences that are peaceful, fun, and even shocking. And if you do a good job of pushing the adventure wheel a little bit, then you'll create moments where your LTP is activated in your brain. And LTP is something we talk about in episode seven. It's the most important process to build our capacity for neural change that Dr. Bruce D. Perry talks about extensively in many of his books. And I would encourage you to read any of his books if you're a fan of learning how to help yourself overcome trauma, overcome difficulty, or understand your body and your brain. He is an excellent resource. And Bruce Perry has has taught me all about LTP. And the work that I do is LTP-based because it's something that actually creates neural change. So one of the things that I've done to build this neural change for myself is go car camping. And when I first started car camping, I would drive my car out on a dirt road in Ansiborega State Park to a little place called Fonts Point. Now, Fonts Point is a beautiful place and it's very remote. And apparently some Hollywood filmers would go out there as well. And I didn't know this until I discovered it myself. When I was out on the end of this road, it's about eight miles long, it's all dirt, and it's in Anzabraga State Park, kind of in the center of the park. And I saw these lights at the end of the road, and I was like, what are their lights doing at the end of this road? It's almost sunset, and I I anticipated I would be the only person in this remote area, and I was completely wrong. I was there with probably a couple dozen people from LA who were filming a movie, and I was a little bit disappointed and disheartened to see them because I had planned on car camping um and enjoying myself, and I didn't want to have to share this space with anyone, and I think they were a little shocked to see me too. So they were very kind and um they finished filming and at sunset they they took their gear and their lights and they they they left, which was great, because then I could just enjoy the space by myself. And and the the most amazing thing is if you can never go to Fonts Point, it's a gorgeous place, it's shocking, it's it's everything you might need if you want solitude and something beautiful. It's these beautiful dirt and rock formations, and it's just unlike anything else, it's unreal. And they drive from LA to shoot movies there, so if that tells you anything about it. Um, but if if you want more details, you can email me and I'll I'll give it to you. But basically, I remember going car camping there for the first time and realizing number one, that I could do this, I could drive on an eight-mile road made only of dirt and sand, and find the perfect place on the edge of this cliff to camp at night and to enjoy myself and to find the peace and solitude that I was craving. And in that experience, I blew my own mind by being able to do this, and it built my confidence and it helped me realize you know, I can go on a trip with myself, I can do something that doesn't cost anything, and it is so fun, and clearly I'm doing something right because people in Hollywood are driving here and and and filming here, and I chose a good place to enjoy myself. So that isn't a moment of LTP, that's a moment of love, of real love, because real love allows for growth with power. Okay, it's a moment where you're creating real love for yourself to feel, where you're growing and where you're experiencing power and control and real power, authentic power, the kind of power you give yourself. Now, another thing you can do to create this real love is to honor your difference, okay? And and give yourself more of what you actually need. Honoring your differences is knowing, number one, what your differences are. And sometimes it takes a little bit of experience or even failure to realize what you can't do or what you don't want to do, or what you're not capable of doing yet. And it's okay to discover what your differences are. Sometimes our differences come at us with a glaring megaphone, and it feels like if we get one more ounce of difference, we're gonna scream. Because the world isn't always accepting of these differences as they should be, as we want them to be, right? I don't want to should the world in a podcast about love, but there's a way to honor our differences by giving ourselves what we need and knowing what those needs are, and then being able to communicate those needs to others. I knew I needed more solitude. I knew I needed more peace and more time with myself because my nervous system needed to recalibrate, needed to resettle. And many people need this, and so it's not something that is a foreign thing, but it's something that I had to come to accept and understand and to value and to frankly give myself because I wanted to experience real love. I wanted to experience the kind of love that wasn't a response to a demand, the the kind of real love that is not something that you do because uh you're anticipating somebody else's needs, or you're trying to respond to someone else's needs, or you're trying to give other people what they need. It's about understanding and responding uh to your own needs and giving them to yourself. And you can honor your differences by getting in touch with your own creative juice. And I call this the creative juice. It's the juice that's inside of us that are that is our creative juices, it's the stuff that we need to explore, okay? It's part of that interstitial fluid that we talk about with Annette when we're dealing with lymphatic systems and our lymphatic systems, and as we get in touch with our creative juices, they can heal, they can relax, they can be their best selves, which means we can be our best selves because we're honoring our differences, and I love honoring my differences. One of my differences is temperature. I need a certain temperature, I don't operate well without living in a certain temperature. Ever since my car opportunity back in 2019, I respond best with a temperature of 75 or below. It's just my nervous system. That's the way I operate. And so the closer I can be to the ocean, the better. The closer I can be to temperate environment, the better. If it's winter, that works for me. If it's something kind of cold, I can do that. I just know that I'm not going to be planning my summer vacation to Greece or Italy or to any place near the equator. I have to know those limits, right? And I have to honor those by not putting myself in a situation that might compromise that, even if I really want to do it. I've had several friends invite me to different trips and different locations and near the equator and in Asia that would be beautiful and amazing and fun. And maybe in my next life I can do some of those trips with my friends. I had to recently honor my difference and say no to someone I love and let them know that you know, I really am grateful that you invited me and thought of me and wanted me to come, but I can't come. My body would hate me if I went. And I had to rehearse that no and let my friend know, and just you know, sometimes honoring our differences might feel like we're disappointing someone that we love, but what I found is that my friends will send me pictures and videos of their different travels, and I feel like I'm there with them, and it's fun to see them do these trips that end up being a mix of positive and negative, right? Even for them. I mean, a boat in the middle of the ocean or near some exotic beautiful island sounds amazing, but there's also you know real factors like heat exposure and sun exposure, which I'm sensitive to. And my friends can handle it a little bit better, or maybe they can't. I mean, I had friends go on a trip and they got so burnt, and I don't I don't know how it looked was fun for them to be that burnt on a boat, but they they had a blast and it looked beautiful, and I was I was jealous they were on such an exotic trip, but not jealous of the heat that they were enduring or the the way it affected their their bodies. Um but honoring our differences, and the last thing we can do, number three, is with real love, we need to be with people that value difference, okay? People that we can trust. And I feel like these three things, new experiences, peaceful experiences, right? Experiences that build this LTP in our brain that that might shock us or excite us in a new way, or honoring our differences, and then being with people that value differences that we can trust is a recipe for real love. It's a recipe for the kind of love that's gonna sustain us through anything that comes in our life with power. Because it takes time to find the people that we can love and trust, the experiences that we can love and trust, and ways that our differences can be valued and honored. So sometimes our differences require a little bit of planning and ingenuity to um incorporate and and a little bit more creativity. Some of them are easier to solve, but the key is to uh let yourself have a difference and honor that difference. And maybe even tell someone that you love you can't do something because of that difference, but that you'd love to be involved in a certain way, however you can. Because it's not all or nothing, it's not going or not going, it's maybe not going, but participating how you can, and that's what I choose to do. Because even though my nervous system doesn't always want to cooperate, or my body, I have to choose where I can be present and choose where my presence can make a difference for myself and those I love because messy isn't wrong, okay? Messy is beautiful, messy is what happens in life sometimes, and learning how to use the real love that we're creating for ourselves helps us to grow free with power and control. And that's the kind of real love that I want to live with. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I hope you had a great week this week. I hope you continue to have a great week this week. And I look forward to talking to you again next time. Remember if you're taking up space, it's okay. You're made of some pretty awesome stuff. And I hope you can find your creative juice this week and try something new. Take care, Sunshine. You got this.