Tame Insecurity with this Solution

Everyone wants to feel more confident. Join me as I unpack my insecurity and share the solution for winning more when you feel like you lost. 

Thank you for sharing your time with me Sunshine! Your spark is important, You Sparkle!

@Emanate.Love.with.Emily  

Emanate Love: Solution-focused mindset training. Sustainable solutions that provide lasting results through the power of our stories. 

Transcript

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Good morning, Sunshine, and welcome back to the Eminate Love Podcast. Now, this is a space where it's not about being perfect, it's about becoming the difference from the inside out. In today's episode, we're talking about insecurities, and the solution for our insecurities is something that we're going to address. Now, before I get to my biggest insecurity, the story about one of my biggest insecurities, I want to start with the tip of the week. Now, this last week, somebody asked me to address how to find love. And finding love is something that it's pretty easy because it starts with what's inside of us and the love that we have for ourselves. And the love that we have for ourselves is something that will be projected out and emanate out from us. And then the people who love themselves the way we love ourselves will be attracted to us. As much of it as possible. It's physically and emotionally possible before you actually find that love. Because if you wait for someone to take you to a play or to take you out to lunch or to take you out for coffee, you might be waiting a long time. I know I was. I was always waiting for someone to take me certain places and to do certain things with me. And when I learned that I needed to give it to myself first, that's when everything changed for me. And I learned that I could give myself the things that I was waiting for everybody else to give me. And it felt really good. So the solution for finding the right finding love is to be the love that you're looking for. And for anybody who thinks, oh, I I've missed my chance, I'm da-da-da years old, or I'm, you know, I I I missed out on that chance. No, you didn't. That wasn't right. Rejection is a direction, not a verdict. Okay, sunshine? Rejection is a direction. It's not a verdict. Nobody gave them the power to decide anything about you. Unless you did. So if something didn't work out, or if something isn't working out, if a door closes, it's okay. It's not a verdict. Rejection is just a direction. And it's giving us an answer about which way to which way is possible. And which person might be possible. Which situation might be possible. Okay, sunshine? So that's the tip of the week for this week. So when you go to find love, try to create it all for yourself first. Give yourself everything that you want someone else to give you, or as much as possible. And then once you find ways to create that for yourself, and take yourself to that cup of coffee or hot chocolate or whatever it is, take yourself to the beach, take yourself to the play that you've always wanted to go to. Take yourself on that trip you've always wanted to do. Join a group that takes trips to that place you've always wanted to go. There's a tour guide somewhere, right? You'll you'll by creating the love for yourself, you're gonna find that love. Okay, Sunshine? Because you're pretty awesome. And it's just a matter of time before you find another piece of off another piece of awesomeness to match your awesomeness. Okay, so today we're talking about how to make our insecure secure. Now, one way that we can do this, one solution for insecurity is our words, okay, and we don't always pay attention to the words that we're using. But if we can, that could slow the game down a little bit and give us some more control. Okay, one of the most powerful words is sometimes. Okay, I have a snake that reminds me of the importance of this word sometimes. Okay, sometimes Sam is one of my favorite toys. I brought this out when I worked in public supported housing, and my clients and I had a lot of fun with this. Now, this sometimes Sam helps us to remember that sometimes Sam isn't even perfect. Sam has a missing tentacle right there. There's a missing, a missing, a missing thing, a missing wedge. We don't know what happened. Sam might have encountered a bumpy road at one point and became a little bit less than perfect. And sometimes Sam is wooden, right? Sometimes Sam is green, sometimes Sam is orange and blue. Sometimes Sam is less than perfect, but sometimes is a word that can give us a lot of power and control, okay? It's better than words like always and never, okay? Always and never are not power words. We don't want to use those words. Always and never are gonna take away our power, take away our control, and give it to somebody else. And we want to be in the driver's seat, okay? You deserve to carry all the tools that you desire, okay, sunshine. That's why you're here. That's why you're at the Eminate Love Podcast, because you do believe that you are becoming the difference. You are, Sunshine. You are in this moment, and we are together becoming the difference. Now, one of the the story I want to share with you today is about one of my biggest insecurities. And believe it or not, it's it's my vision. And my eyes are very independent, so independent that they like to operate independently, even when they're looking at things or reading things, and it hasn't always been that way, but it became that way a few years ago, and ever since they decided to become independent, things got a little bit tricky for me, and I decided to take my power back because I'm Emily 10.0 right now, just like your Sunshine 10.0 or whatever your name is 10.0. Okay, I'm Emily 10.0, I'm better than I was before, even though I'm different, I'm better. And one of the things I decided to do when everything changed was use something to make my mark. I wanted to take control back with my vision, with my eyes. And when everybody told me, oh, you just do a little surgery here, you just do a little nip here, a little tuck there, a little, we'll just do some surgery and fix this thing for you, and um, you can't really fix it, but um, they wanted to, and I just said, you know what? I am what I am, and I'm gonna use glitter. So that's what I chose glitter, it was the least invasive, sustainable solution I could come up with. So at a time when I felt really insecure, and I had people even make fun of my eyes and uh my face and things that were happening that were outside my control. I couldn't control the movements of my eyes and face the way I wanted to. And yet in that moment, I chose to take my power back. And I chose to mark it. And I thought to myself, well, if I control what happens on my eyes, then it doesn't matter what anybody says or anybody does to me because I'm gonna have the power and control in this moment. I'm gonna have the glitter. And I took my power back by putting glitter on my eyes. And now I wear glitter most every day. It's not a special occasion thing, it's an everyday thing for me. And I I choose to do it that way because frankly, glitter is my way of showing up for myself in a new space and in a new way with a new perspective. And in this moment, I choose glitter. I choose to wear the pink or the green or the blue glitter, whatever color I'm feeling that day, that's what I wear. Because Denisha Merrick's created a beautiful line and I love her stuff, and so I put this glitter on myself with my own little micro applicator, and it makes me feel so in control of my life because I can start my day with glitter and and know that I controlled this, I controlled one thing out of my life, and it made me feel pretty, pretty, pretty powerful and important. So the funny thing is people usually say something to me like, oh, I love your glitter, oh, I like your eyes, you know, and it's funny because that's the one thing that um about me that you know everyone looks at your eyes, and if they study them long enough, they'll see the perfectness and the imperfectness with them. And um, anyways, it's just something that it's a small thing, but it made a big difference for me, and it helped me to become the difference that I needed to be, and then it deep down I craved being, I craved to just be myself, and uh it made me feel really good. So now one of these things that I want to share with you is this beautiful heart with these tactile bumps on it. Now, these tactile bumps are each a little bit different, and it represents kind of how we can become the difference. Okay, we're gonna become the difference by addressing each of these little pieces of ourselves that exist, but because I remember going to talk to somebody, and the advice I got a long time ago was pay attention to your to your needs, pay attention to your wants and your needs, and just figure out what your needs are and what your wants are, and that was the most scary thing for me to hear at that time in my life. I mean, no one had ever really said to me those words, you know, what do you want and what do you need? And those were probably the scariest things someone could have ever told me to pay attention to. And I was like, was there a list or a rule book? Because I'm really good with rules and I'm really good with lists, and and I'm I'm I really like to accomplish things, so like, what's the rules for this? You know, what's the list for this? And and they didn't have it, and so I was completely lost. And this is before like Chat GPT and all that, and um, so anyways, it took me quite some time to realize what my needs were and what my wants were, and yet it's it's through discovering that that process of discovery that I've learned that I love all things sparkle, I love sparkly things, I like making things sparkle, I like noticing sparkly things. And one of the things I created when I was working in public supported housing was this really cool wooden you sparkle, gold leaf thing with my friends. And it's wooden, it's just one of those like things you can get at Home Depot, and it and it's got some gold leaf on it, it's got you sparkle, and it makes you feel pretty powerful. I don't know if it's just like that it reminds me of the like uh you know pieces of a piece of my childhood where I think everybody's parent had like a one of these wooden stick things, you know. Just you know, obviously to threaten their children with, right? But um, I don't know, this feels really good to hold on to. It's a sign that um you can put to remind you that you do sparkle, and it's something that you can feel to kind of calm you down because remember we got grounding hands here, okay. Not just grounding feet, grounding hands. Okay, so now as we think about these words that we're gonna use to fight insecurity, okay, one of the one of the mantras that I've used that's really been helpful is I am love and I can love. Okay, these are phrases we tell ourselves when we wake up in the morning. These are phrases we tell ourselves to start our day, to front load ourselves before the resistance comes, before we go to work and somebody says something to us, before we have to see the person that might put us in a negative head space, right? So we want to tell ourselves, I am love and I can love. Okay, and I'm a new and improved version of myself, okay? And in case there's ever a problem or we make mistakes, which we're human, right? We're gonna make mistakes, we can look at those mistakes with more empathy, right? And we can say, you know what, you're not overreacting. No, no, no, Censure. You're not overreacting, you're responding to a difficult situation. And if you actually look at everything that you've overcome and everything that you faced, you're not overreacting, you're responding, and you're responding the way your nervous system was taught to respond. Because there's reasons why you do this when you're pushed this way, and there's reasons why you do this when you're pushed this way. It's called responding, it's a neurological response that your body's developed to help you survive difficult situations. Okay? Now, if somebody wants to point out these mistakes to you, you can just be like, thank you. Thank you for thank you for unsolicited information and feedback. We're not asking for criticism, unsolicited information, because our opinions are the only ones that matter. Okay, Sunshine, your opinion is the only one that matters. Right now, in this moment, I want you to remember that you are love and you can love because sometimes you make mistakes, but that means that you're human. Sometimes is your new power of a word. Because if you use the word sometimes, you will almost always be correct, okay? Because sometimes it's things are missing, things are less than perfect, right? We might even have a gaping hole in our mouth somewhere, right? Or in an obvious place, right? But if we take that difference and we ask ourselves, what can I do with this to make it mine, to give myself some control? It might be glitter, it might be something other than glitter, it might be something like putting some sunglasses on, because sometimes you just gotta put on your sunglasses and pretend like everything's okay because you're tired or you're frustrated, or you're just in a space where things don't make much sense to you, and you're trying to make sense of something that just happened to you, and you're trying to calm down your nervous system. When you're trying to calm down your nervous system and establish a sense of safety, you just put on some sunglasses and you do whatever you gotta do to calm down, okay? Because it's all about giving it to ourselves first, okay. Sometimes you just cover it up with some sunglasses, you just put on some sunglasses, any sunglasses, because you're just gonna have a tough moment, okay? And then other times you spend some time touching something soothing, okay? Like this beautiful heart. It's just really soothing. I really like it, feels really good. Or you could touch a piece of wood, like you sparkle wood, okay. This one is one of my favorites. Totally digging it. Really feels good, okay. Last before we go, I want to end with a little bit of picture time for this last little thing. Because here's the thing. Um, when I got my master's in social work at USC, I learned the importance of data, information, and uh generating reports, right? Because reports are things that you can um point to at some point and say, look, this is some data and this is some information. I mean, the government creates a lot of reports that we can look at, and you know, and and lots of businesses and companies use them as well. And one of the things that I love is just looking at pictures, like there's these two pictures of sundance, okay? One of them is of sundance in the summer, and one of them is of sundance in the winter, and they're kind of looking a little bit fuzzy. Sorry, they're not clearer, but and you might say, well, which one is better? Sundance in the summer or sundance in the winter, and I would say both for different reasons, okay? Because everybody might be trying to be one version of Sundance, right? But it's all pretty amazing. Sundance in the winter, it's pretty amazing, it's pretty gorgeous. Still has trees, still has mountains, has everything that we need to have fun. And Sundance in the Summer, well, that's pretty amazing as well. It's got mountains and trees, and it's got the same thing. Okay, there's a little bit of difference, but it's still really beautiful and really soothing. Just like you and just like me. We are still ourselves, no matter what part of our life we're in. If we're if we feel like we're in a winter season or we're in a summer season, like a season of abundance or a season of scarcity, we're in whatever season we're in. Because sometimes the variables are outside our control. And sometimes there's things that we can control, and I'm just suggesting that we take our control back and fight our insecurities with the love that's inside of us, and just choose one thing to take your control back, and to say, you know what, this may not be my favorite thing, but I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this and take my control back. So, Sunshine, I hope this has been helpful. Please leave me some comments. Um, be sure to like or subscribe and be the difference this week, Sunshine. You've got it. You got this.