Why Good Girls Are Sick, Silent, and Staying Small And How to Break Free

Are you ready to break free from the "good girl" conditioning and step into your most authentic, visible self? In this episode, we'll explore the somatic roots of visibility, the fears holding women back, and practical ways to rewire your nervous system for greater freedom and expression.

In this episode you will hear:

• [01:23] Who No More Good Girls is really for, and why visibility feeling like being chased by a bear is actually a completely logical nervous system response.
• [02:42] Why being visible is the most somatic experience you'll have, and why treating it like a mindset problem is exactly why so many women stay stuck.
• [04:55] The dancing story: how a single Zoom call cracked something open and started Kristine on the path that led here.
• [07:31] How expression starts in the body first, and why that matters more than any content strategy you'll ever buy.
• [10:26] What somatic experiencing actually is, and why it's the missing piece in every visibility conversation.
• [15:42] The link between chronic illness, autoimmune disease, and a lifetime of putting everyone else first.
• [18:29] The fawn response, what it actually is, and why people-pleasing is a survival mechanism, not a personality flaw.
• [21:20] Micro-dosing visibility: how to train your nervous system slowly so it actually comes with you.
• [24:32] The wildish self that lives inside every woman, even the quietest ones, just waiting for a loophole.
• [27:10] The lighthouse metaphor: why your light being on is the only way the right people can find you.
• [28:47] What becomes possible when you stop performing and start standing in your actual energy.
• [29:22] What to expect from this show: nervous system education, guest stories, and always coming back to the somatic context.

Resources Mentioned:

• Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
• Creative Living by Maia & Lois

Podcast Launch + Birthday Giveaway!

I'm doing a giveaway because this is launching on my bday! 

Here's how to enter:

• On Spotify: Rate ⭐, follow ✅, and leave a comment 💬 on any episode coming out this month!
• On Apple Podcasts: Rate ⭐ and leave a written review 💬 for the entire show

At the end of the month, one winner will receive a 60min somatic session with me AND a personalized content strategy!

I'm always cheering for you

xo Kristine

Instagram: @socialswithkristine
Email Newsletter: https://wellwithinstudio.myflodesk.com/thesocialedit
Contact: kristine@wellwithinstudio.ca

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I just wanna have fun clap my hands, turn around now and dance, dance, dance. I just wanna have fun clap my hands, turn around now and dance, dance, dance. Welcome to No More Good Girls. If you've ever held yourself back because you were worried what other people would think, the show is for you. I'm your host, Christine, social media strategist and somatic practitioner, and we're here to train our nervous system to feel safe being fully seen, fully expressed, and fully ourselves. Let's get into it. Buenos días, buenas noches. I am probably not saying that with a correct accent, but I'm learning Spanish right now, so I'm I'm loving the if you follow my Instagram story, you know I'm loving the buenos dias, divas. So that's the energy we're starting this podcast with. It's also actually, you know, I feel like the energy that I want to start this podcast with is like, welcome you badass bitch. I'm sitting here in my office at home. I have my uh hard lemonade next to me. Um, a little drinkie poo for this, a little liquid courage. And I also have my big red mic. Again, if you follow me on Instagram, you know the significance of this big red mic. It's uh, I think it just really brings out my alter ego, it really brings out that bad bitch energy. And that's what we need for this podcast. So you're probably here going like, either you know me, in which case, hey, happy you're here, or you don't know me. And so I just want to start off by being like, what is this podcast? Who is it for? What is it about? Why am I who am I to be having this conversation? And so starting with who is this show for? This show is for anybody who feels like visibility is like being chased by a bear. Because, girl, I get you, okay? It's also for anybody who feels like expressing themselves feels unsafe. Anyone who's maybe still dimming their light to fit in, anybody who feels like quiet, nice, accommodating, or just like the typical good girl and is trying to be everything for everyone else and like isn't prioritizing herself. But the out like the the route we are gonna be going with this is uh really the intersection of visibility, expression, and your nervous system. Because I am a firm believer, I will stand 10 toes down on this. That being visible is the most somatic experience you are going to feel. Because being visible means being perceived, means being seen, means judgment. And that is not fun for your nervous system. It don't like that. And so I really wanted to have a conversation around the somatic piece of being more visible, of being seen, of expressing yourself more fully, of taking up space, like all the things that come with visibility. Because I have been noticing in a lot of the discussions online that there people are treating it like a it's a mindset thing, that you just have to like set your mind to it, and then you can be more visible. And I think that's why so many people are struggling with it, and I think especially that's why women are struggling with it, is because we are constantly criticized and judged. You think about like any women in the media, or like God forbid you end up at a tab on a tabloid, we're just absolutely judged like up and down by media, by other people, and I think that just really trains our nervous systems to like see how visibility is going to look for us. And then we're like, would rather not. So again, this is why I go to like I really want to speak about this intersection between expression, visibility, and the nervous system. And so if any of those interest you, welcome home. Um, and now you might be wondering, like, who who's Christine? Who is this girl that is that is gonna be able to speak about this? Well, I'm gonna tell you a little bit of a story. So I wanna say about a year and a half ago, I was in a creative container program, mastermind, just a cool thing. It was called Creative Living by Maya and Lois, and I'll I'll link it in the show notes because it truly is an incredible program if you're looking for kind of like a way to to be more creative, be more expressive in your life. So I highly recommend it. And I was in this program, and because it is about like expressing yourself more through writing or podcasting or whatever it is, part of expressing yourself is also like expressing through your body. And we were on this one Zoom call, and usually on the Zoom calls, there was some type of like somatic practice, like sometimes of like some type of like intuitive or like body-led practice. And for this call, it was dancing. Now I grew up dancing, I did jazz, ballet, tap, the whole shebang. When we were invited to dance on this call, I have never felt more awkward, more embarrassed. I was like oozing discomfort. My whole body felt like stuck. I I hated it. And I was like, what is wrong with me? Of course, that's the internal dialogue that's going through my head. Not like, hmm, this is interesting. I wonder what's going on, Christine. My internal dialogue or my um my really critical inner voice, I call her Crystal. Crystal was like, girl, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, why can't you do this? And of course, that internal dialogue is not gonna, it's not gonna help me, right? But I was just like, what happened between being this like carefree girl that used to like dance with her headphones on in her room if she couldn't fall asleep, to feeling like dancing is now unsafe when it used to actually be like a self-soothing exercise for me or like a self-soothing tool, or something I just like really loved to do. And so I was like, what this is so weird, like what is going on here? And so I remember reflecting to like Maya and Lois. I was like, I don't understand like what was going on with that, like especially because I used to dance, like, what's happening? What's happening? And from that time forward, I was like, this is something that I really want to work on because like I I want to get back to that, like that person who felt safe taking up space and expressing herself through her body and dancing and having fun. And it wasn't until like months later that I noticed that in that time in my life, I was still catering to others, I was still playing small, I didn't feel safe taking up space, I didn't feel safe expressing my thoughts. I was still like kind of putting a damper on my voice, and that literally showed up in how much space my body felt comfortable taking up. It when when someone gave me the green light and was like, hey, you can do whatever the fuck you want during this song, you can dance however the hell you want, you can do whatever, my body went, huh? What? Because I hadn't been listening to my body in any way. Anytime I wanted to say no, I was saying yes. Like I was constantly breaking my own promises. And so when the green light went on, my body went, I don't even know what you want because you're catering to everyone else all the time. That like I actually don't know what how you want to move or like what's best for you. And it wasn't until like months later that I had this revelation. I was like, oh, interesting. But it allowed me over those few months to really start expressing myself through my body first, though. So that started with like dancing in the kitchen a little bit more, singing in the car, like expressing myself, writing. I really got into writing, like trying different forms of content. Like it just got into expressing myself in different ways. Also, like going to more in-person events and like being that's a way of being visible. But it started with my body. And I, this is again why I go back to the conversation about visibility being a mindset thing. It's not, it would have taken me so much longer to be visible had I have tried to do it by like forcing myself into it, or just like, you know, fake it till you make it. Mm-mm. Not for me, sorry. Instead, I started with my body. I got my body comfortable with taking up more space, just expressing myself in different ways, and then that translated to feeling safer, being more visible. I think that's what everybody is getting wrong right now, is that they're trying to like force their bodies into something. If you're forcing your body into something, that's not really showing your body that it's a safe thing to do. And so, yeah, sure, you might be able to do it for a certain amount of time, but you'll eventually hit a roadblock where your body's like, you've been pushing me way too hard for too long, and I don't want to do this. And that's where like I see a lot of people when it comes to posting content, they like they're on a, they're on a high, they're having a good day, or they have a good week, they post for seven days, and then they're like, I can't, I'm and then they freeze. It's like, okay, again, your body was not on board. Your head made a decision, your body was not on board with, which is why we need to start with the somatic experience. And I say all of this because I went through that. I started with the somatic experience. I started with like, okay, what is it like to express myself in different ways? And then six months later, I was teaching a somatic movement class where I had to lead a room and create a safe container for people to dance in my somatic movement practice. I put on a song that everybody knows, and we danced for one song because I realized how powerful dancing is for me, and I really want other people to experience it. But I went from feeling so unsafe, so uncomfortable, so awkward, to leading a group of women to actually dance and dancing like an absolute maniac in the front of the room. Because I didn't just make the conscious decision with my head, I made the container and I made the path for my body to follow suit. So that's why I'm the person to want to have this conversation. Also, because I have a background in somatic experiencing. And if you're like, what is somatic experiencing? So, like a trauma resolution um certification that you can get, but it's all body-led or what we call bottom-up processing. And so it's all about like going through the body first, it's all about your nervous system first and not just going through your head and cognition. And so that's why I really want to be having this conversation because it is the perfect intersection for me between my background in somatic experiencing and my background in social media because I've seen it from both sides. Now, why this podcast is called No More Good Girls is because it used to be an idea that I had for a group coaching program. I really wanted to help more women find community with each other, but also understand that there is another way to live than the box that society puts you in. And I feel like society puts us in this box where we are a good girl. We're quiet, we're nice, we're accommodating, we're nurturing, we're always giving to other people. But then as soon as we step, like we just step a toe, we're like a finger out of that box. We're selfish, we are rude, we're bossy, we're entitled, we're whatever. Like, pick a negative adjective. And I hear you because I stayed in that box much longer than I would have wanted to, because I was terrified of how I would be perceived if I stepped out of it, of who I would lose if I stepped out of it. What would happen if I stepped out of that box and I became different from who people know me as. And I really wanted, because I had gone through that experience myself, from like being this like quiet, like small person to really starting to step out of my shell, becoming more expressive to the point that like that is one of the first things people say to me. They're like, Oh, you're like, you're so expressive. You have such a like big personality. And I used to be like, Don't please don't tell me that. Please don't tell me that. I don't want I don't want to rock the boat. Now I'm like, that is the biggest compliment someone could give me. And so having gone through it myself, I like really wanted to show people, especially women, like what it's like to live unapologetically, what it's like to step outside of that box, but first feel safe enough to step out of the box. And so, anyways, group coaching program, and then my business kind of pivoted. This was when I was in the midst of going from somatic coaching to social media management. So I just went on the back burner and then I was like, I really want to come back to like no more good girls. First of all, the name fucking hits, and so I really wanted to come back to it, and so I had the idea for a podcast because I process verbally, and I was really trying to force myself to process in a writing format, wasn't for me. I really wanted this to be a substack, wasn't for me. So it's podcasts because I also want to be a better speaker. So this is great practice for me. But I also am just able to articulate myself and and share verbally a little bit better. So it became a podcast. And it was because a lot of time, a lot of times the conversations that I wanted to have in this program that I truly want to be a much bigger conversation than just a program are about all of the ways women are judged and criticized for stepping outside of the box that society puts us in. Like we we dress a certain way and people have something to say about it. We say something, people have something to say about it. We don't say something, people have something to say about it. Like it just feels like a lose-lose situation. But when you give less of a shit, I'm not gonna say you give no shit, but if you give less of a shit about what people say, there's this like freedom that comes with it. And I just I want more women to experience that. And that kind of leads me to why we need more women to stop being good girls. First of all, who is a good girl rewarding? Or like who is a good girl serving? Certainly ain't us. And I've also noticed that women that fall into this good girl stereotype or like conditioning tend to develop chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases as they get older because they have put their nervous system through so much and they take on so much because they're told they're good at it, because they're supposed to be nurturing, because they're shooting all over themselves. That I don't want that for you. I don't want that for me. I don't want us to develop an illness because of the pressure that we put on ourselves. And so that's why we need less women being good girls. We also need less women being good girls because if any of you believe in a matriarchy, we need more people speaking up about that. We need more women in power, we need more women in business. Like overall, we just the more people speak up, the more people share their stories, the more other women will believe that it's possible. And so that's exactly what this podcast is gonna do. Not only are you gonna hear from me, you're also gonna hear from other people who have broken out of this good girl conditioning, who have become more expressive, and who have become more visible so that you can see how they did it, so that your nervous system starts to see the possibilities available to you. Now, if I'm saying all of this and you're like, ah shit, like I kind of feel like I'm maybe I'm a bit of a good girl and you're beating yourself up about it. First of all, have a little bit of grace for yourself. Secondly, meet that with a little bit of curiosity. Whenever we meet our bodies with judgment or like criticism, a lot of times we make an issue bigger than it needs to be because we are actively telling our body that it is unsafe to like feel what we need to feel, it's unsafe to think that way, it's unsafe to feel that way. And so instead of meeting it with like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Can we meet it with like, hmm, that's interesting? Because that's neutral, doesn't have a charge to it. And so if you are in a season or have been in seasons where you people please a lot, or just trying to like be someone that you're not, first of all, I want to tell you that that's a pretty cool adaptive response from your body that it found that flying under the radar, blending in, not rocking the boat, not ruffling feathers was a way to protect yourself so so that you're still alive today. Pretty fucking cool of our system to be able to do that. And it served us, but maybe it's not serving us anymore. But I just want to say that there's nothing wrong with you for being a people pleaser. There's nothing wrong with you for being conditioned into being this good girl. Like that it makes sense. It totally makes sense with the society that we live in today. And I also want to bring a little bit, shed a little bit of light on the fact that a lot of times when we talk about people pleasing, we talk about like the fawn response. And I think this is gonna be like a whole other episode that I really want to talk about, but I do just want to touch on it briefly because the fawn response is like a secondary response. And it's a response that comes in because as humans, we crave belonging. And so in situations where our survival response kicks on, a lot of times our body will choose between fight, flight, or freeze. But what can happen is if we have been conditioned by society that we can't use one of those, sometimes fawning will come in. That's also why visibility is so threatening to us. Because, like I said, like we want to belong. We want to be a part of a pack. We are safer in packs. And one of the things that's so important to remember when it comes to our nervous system is that it does not give a fuck about your happiness. It does not care that you're successful, it does not care that you want to have a million-dollar business, it does not care that you want to be more visible, it genuinely only cares to keep you safe, which put in the most blunt way, it only cares to keep you alive. And so being more visible, expressing yourself in a different way, has a possibility of not belonging or being alienated from the pack because you believe in something different, because you are sharing something different, because you look different. And our nervous systems are like if I am not part of the pack and I'm alienated and I'm on my own, then I am at risk and then I may die. Do you see how we get there? Again, our nervous systems are like very black and white. They're like safe, unsafe. That's the only way, they're like a switch. That's the only way that they can think. There's no gray area for them. And so when it comes to visibility, like that idea of not belonging or not being part of the pack is enough to make your nervous system be like, no, I'm not posting that real. No, I'm not writing that caption or that carousel, or like, no, I'm not going to that event, or as much as I want to speak, no, I'm not going to apply to this speaking opportunity. Because what if A, I am rejected? Again, that doesn't feel good. That makes us feel like we don't belong. And our nervous system thinks that is unsafe, right? Like it all goes back to what feels safe and unsafe for you. And that's again why I talk about micro-dosing our visibility, because we want to slowly train our nervous system that, like, I can handle this. I'm not going zero to 100 because that's going to put me into shutdown or that's going to completely overwhelm my nervous system. But if we microdose our visibility, we stay within our window of tolerance where our creativity is online, our critical thinking is online, like all of the parts of your brain that are very like logical stay online if we are able to stay within our window of tolerance. Now, I also want to touch on the real cost of staying small. If you believe that you are capable of more, are you gonna get to 85 years old and look back and resent that you didn't do more or regret that you didn't do more? Or are you going to get to 55, 45 menopause and develop a chronic illness or an autoimmune disease because your nervous system is so shot because you did never did anything for yourself, and you always did things for others, and you put yourself in a mold that you were never supposed to be in, and your body suffered for it. And maybe I sound like really blunt saying that, but that like that is the price of staying small. You are staying like I'm a big metaphor person and a big like visual person, but you are actively staying in like an outfit that doesn't fit you. Like, imagine wearing like a shirt that's three sizes. Too small in floods for pants. That's what you're doing by staying small. Like you, you are capable of being bigger, of having a big full life. So why would you not want to do that? Especially in this day and age. Like we have, we are so privileged as women now. We can vote, we can have a business, we can access things that like our parents and our grandparents weren't able to access. So like with all of this access, would we not want to use it? Would we not want to use it? And that also goes back to the idea that like I truly believe within all of us, like we have this like innate, like wild and free, intuitive, creative, just this like wildness within us as women. But that's that's scary to some people in society that we have that ability and that we we have this like untamed side of us that can just be free and enjoy life and like just just have fucking fun. And I read a book called Women Who Run with the Wolves, and I want to read this quote from it because it really sums up this wild woman archetype, which truly is the opposite of a good girl to me. It's not a bad girl, it's like just this wild woman who lives for herself, you chase your dreams, there's that spark within you that like you just that that light can never die. And that's exactly what this quote is about. So I'm going to read it to you. No matter how many times she is pushed down, she bounds up again. No matter how many times she is forbidden, quelled, cut back, diluted, tortured, touted as unsafe, she emanates upwards in women. So that even the most quiet, even the most restrained women keep a secret place for wild women. Even the more repressed woman has a secret life with secret thoughts and secret feelings, which are lush and wild, and that is natural. Even the most captured woman guards the place of the wildish self, for she knows intuitively that someday there will be a loophole, an aperture, a chance, and she will hightail it to escape. Mic drop. I just want to read this one back. Even the most captured woman guards the place of the wildish self, for she knows intuitively that someday there will be a loophole, an aperture, a chance, and she will hightail it to escape. Even if you feel so far from yourself, so far from that little girl that was so free and had so much fun and felt so playful about life and so curious about life, that is still there. It's still within you. Like that wildish, untamed self is always there. And it's just waiting for a chance to come out. It's just waiting for a loophole, just waiting for a crack to come out and escape. So even if you feel like your life doesn't look the way that you want it to, or you feel you, like I said, you feel far from yourself, you're dimming your light. Like trust that that that part of you can never be extinguished. And this is the place where we light it the fuck on fire. Because I always have this metaphor that imagine you're a lighthouse and people, the boats in the water, are people who are seeking you. They are looking to buy what you are selling, they're looking to be in your life, they're looking to be in a relationship with you, they're looking to be your friend, whatever you want to call it, or their opportunities, but they are looking for you. If the light in your lighthouse is not on, they can't find you. And so even if you feel like the light in your lighthouse is non-existent at the moment, just like this this quote that I just read you, it's there. Maybe the plug is like hidden behind a giant cabinet and we gotta go find it, but it's there. And as soon as you turn that light on and you you stand in your power, you stand in who you are, which nobody can be other than you, those opportunities can find you. And those people can find you. And and I just think that that's just a beautiful thing to know that like we're we can we can never lose that within ourselves. And so that's what really becomes possible when you start expressing yourself is you just become a magnet for opportunities, for people to find you, for for growth, for wealth, for all of these things, because you are standing in your truest energy, which is just a magnetic force. And that's what I want for all of you. I'll be so honest with you. I just want all of you to be shining your brightest because we need more people shining in their light. And that's exactly what this podcast is. Like, I it's gonna be conversations about the nervous system. Like, I really want to educate people on like what the nervous system is all about and also the intersection between your nervous system and visibility. It's gonna be some guest episodes with people who have moved through a similar like arc as me, from being like a good girl to being more visible and expressive. It's going to be some insight into how to create content from a place that feels really embodied, that feels really like you and not performative. And yeah, like just this, just this blend of education and stories, but always, always, always, always coming back to that somatic context. This isn't about the mindset that you need to create content or be more visible. It is about the somatic side of visibility and expression and what it actually means to have the nervous system capacity to be visible and express yourself as you are, not as other people want you to be, as you are. And so if this feels like a conversation that you've been having with friends or other people in your life, please send them this episode because I would love to welcome them into the No More Good Girls Club. And it would mean the world for me if you followed this podcast, if you shared this with a friend or a colleague or a business bestie. And if you shared your reflections in the comments. Like, I really, really, really, really want this to be a conversation and for you to share how this made you feel, what you're noticing, your thoughts, and they're okay if those thoughts are different from mine. Like, I just really want this to be a back and forth, and I'm so curious on how other people are experiencing visibility and expression in their lives. So please, please, please, please comment down below. And I will see you in the next episode. And I want to sign this off by saying that I'm always, always, always cheering for you. And if you needed a reminder, you were not born to behave, you were born to be free.