An Open Letter to My Ex-Husband's Next Victim

An Open Letter to My Ex-Husband’s Next Victim” is a raw, explicit warning written for the woman who comes after me and has no idea what she is walking into. Using my own notes, timelines, and recorded calls, I spell out how my ex-husband twists words, disputes reality, and turns empathy into a weapon, and I name the sexual, emotional, and psychological patterns he is likely to repeat with you.

This is not a theory or a diagnosis. This is live data. If you find this one day and parts of your relationship sound like what I describe, or if you end up meeting my ex-husband in the wild, I want you to have the language I did not have soon enough, so you can trust yourself, set consequences, and get out before you are reduced to an emotional crutch with your reality rewritten in his voice.

Links:

• https://www.youtube.com/@the515podcast
• https://515fitnessinc.com
• https://www.tiktok.com/@515alchemy
• https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61585497002747

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:22

To my ex-husband's next victim. He's going to tell you vague stories about me. He will tell you how much of a whore I was, how I cheated on him, how I picked petty fights and refused to take accountability, how I needed to eat a slice of humble pie. He's going to tell you I stopped having sex with him. And he will act clueless as to why. He will tell you he wants to be a better man for you, that he finally is ready to settle down. He will say he cannot wait for you to meet his mom and sister. But it will never happen. He will call his sister a cunt, say she never takes accountability and rage about her calling him verbally abusive. He will mock victims of abuse and say they are liars who want money and want to ruin men's lives. He will pet you like an animal and mostly fuck you doggy style. He will say I love you right away and often. At first there will be passion foreplay making out multiple rounds a day, and you will feel chosen. Over time it will shrink down to groping, and he'll say things like touch my wiener or touch my pee-pee. Take it out, it needs to breathe. With no buildup, no intimacy, just you being used to regulate him. He will fuck you like a jackhammer, and it might feel good for a while until you realize he does not know how or does not care to connect with you in any other pace or position. Not because he is shy or has performance anxiety. It is because he wants to dominate. He will act like he understands your menstrual cycle, ovulation, and pregnancy risk better than you do. He will demand that you better not get pregnant while you are the one managing condoms, tracking your cycle and carrying the burden of not messing up. You will start doubting your own understanding of basic biology because he is so sure of himself. He will police your drinking while he smokes weed constantly and takes Xanax to take the edge off. Oh, and he'll say it's for his heart. He will call you nasty, a mean drunk, or say you do not remember things right when you have a few drinks. He will use your altered state to discredit what you say and how you recall events. He will not apply that same standard to his own intoxication. He will talk about his ex before me, like she was crazy, gross, unstable, or strange, and about her home as dirty and chaotic. He will present himself as the sane one who had to endure terrible conditions. He will tell you the sob story about how she suddenly became a lesbian and praise you for not being gay like her or a whore like me. Later, when he calls you dramatic, gross, or irresponsible, remember he used those words about the last woman too. The common denominator is him. In the beginning, he will seem like your dream partner, intense emotional intimacy, physical chemistry, deep conversations, shared projects, shared calendars, Pinterest, wedding boards, we language about the future. He will meet your family and mirror your values back to you. You will think you finally met someone who wants to build a life beside you, not on top of you. Then about two months or so in, ever so slowly, he will start to rewrite the rules. He will begin telling you what you can and cannot wear and where you can and cannot go. If you push back and ask why, he will say he owes you no explanation and give you an ultimatum. When you eventually name that as coercion, he will say he apologized and that you are being ridiculous for still caring. He will call it small fry and super petty shit and act offended that you feel traumatized by something he thinks you should be over by now. He will talk to you like you are incompetent over basic life tasks. He will remind you how to care for pets, how to keep things clean, and how to manage tiny details you have handled for years. When you tell him those comments feel belittling, he will say you are being stupid, oversensitive, and ungrateful. When you try to explain emotional invalidation, he will say you are fighting about petty things and that you need to grow up and take accountability. He will twist your words and your tone, then throw them back at you as proof that you are the problem. He will dispute your version of events almost line by line. He will say you're trying to make him look like the bad guy and turn every factual disagreement into proof that you are the one twisting everything. He will call the things that gut you stupid and petty. He will say you are bringing up old beefs and that it is unfair to judge him for what happened months ago, even when the pattern, the behavior never stopped. He will insist that if something was squashed, it is over, even if he is the only one who decided that. And if you bring it up again, he will say you are unable to let things go and that you are the one sabotaging the relationship. He will tell you he is humble, open, and willing, while simultaneously arguing that what he did was reasonable and that your pain is the real problem. He will make your unhappiness your fault. When you finally say you have been unhappy for months and do not feel emotionally safe, he will immediately ask why you did not bring it up sooner. When you say you tried and you were dismissed as dramatic, he will skip past that and land on how unfair it is to drop all of this on him now. He will use language of privileges for basic emotional access. If you pull back to protect yourself, he will say, if you keep being ghosty, you're not gonna have privileges with me. He will threaten to turn off his location, to only respond when he feels like it and pretend that is what equality looks like. When really he is seeking to punish you for your emotional numbness and gray rocking. He will act like you are obsessed with controlling him while he quietly tightens the controls around you. He will insist he has no problem with you. He will say he has zero complaints. He will claim he never brings up your past, never uses your mistakes against you, and that you are the only one who thinks there is a problem. In the next breath he will reference your sexual past, drinking, mental health, trauma all before you even met him. He will call you difficult, dramatic, and confusing, and say you make everything complicated. When you tell him his word salad makes your head spin, he will say he is extremely irrational, and that you are the one who cannot comprehend simple things. His clarity will always be perfect. Your confusion will always be your fault. He will frame your boundaries as threats. Your attempt to protect yourself will be used as evidence that you are unstable and impossible to please. He will make it sound like your need for accountability is a spiritual flaw, a refusal to heal, instead of a healthy response to repeated harm. He will also be sweet sometimes, but he'll be funny. He will have good days, he will do chores, cuddle on the couch, and ask about your day. Those moments will keep you hooked. They will make you question whether you were overreacting, too sensitive, or too intense. You are not. The sweetness and intermittent performance of basic decency, do not erase the pattern. It is part of the pattern. So to the woman after me, if you recognize yourself here, I'm not asking you to hate him. I am asking you to believe in yourself. Believe your body when it tenses around him. Believe your confusion when every fight ends with you apologizing for how you feel, instead of him taking responsibility for what he did. Believe in your own notes, your memory, your own voice. And do not walk, run. You are the one person who has to live inside your body for the rest of your life. Protect her.