Episode 18: Anxiety, Boxing and Finding Your Purpose

What happens when an anxious child finds the one place where he finally feels capable?

For Bobby, that place was a boxing gym. Boxing gave him confidence, direction and a sense of purpose. It became the foundation for Fitness by Bobby, where he now helps children and adults discover their own strength through inclusive fitness.

In this episode, Bobby talks honestly about growing up with anxiety, finding something that changed the direction of his life, and building a business shaped by far more than exercise.

We also talk about his brother Shay and the meaningful role he has within Fitness by Bobby. Shay is not simply included or given something to do. He is a valued member of the team, with responsibility, pride and a place where he genuinely belongs.

This conversation explores:

• What boxing gave Bobby when he was struggling with anxiety
• Why confidence can grow through doing, rather than positive thinking
• How fitness can create connection, identity and purpose
• The difference between being included and genuinely belonging
• Why one person believing in you can change what you believe is possible
• How Bobby turned what helped him into something that now helps others

Bobby’s anxiety did not have to disappear before he could build something meaningful. His story shows what can happen when someone finds the right environment, the right people and something worth moving towards.

https://fitnessbybobby.cic-connect.co.uk/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Thank you so much for joining us on ADHD Wise Podcast. If something in this episode has helped you, made you think, or given you language for something you've been living with, you can support the podcast by following or subscribing, by leaving a review, or connecting with ADHD Wise on YouTube, TikTok, LinkedIn and Facebook. Every share, review, comment and follow helps the podcast reach more people and helps us create conversations and resources that support neurodivergent people, families and professionals. Thank you. Your support really does mean the world. Welcome to ADHD Wise Podcast. I'm Janine Perryman, and this is a space for open conversations about ADHD and neurodiversity, bringing together lived experience, professional insights, and the questions that help us move forward. Wherever you are in your journey, you are welcome here. Hello everyone, and thank you for tuning in to ADHD Wise Podcast. My name is Janine, and today I am joined by Bobby, Fitness by Bobby, who I really want to find out more about and share with you because I've been following his work for a little while. It came across on my timeline, and I was like, now there is somebody I want to know more about. There is somebody who is creating opportunities for other people based on what he's experienced within his own family. So hello Bobby. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:19

I'm very good, thank you. Very good, very happy to be here.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Can you tell us what you do, first of all? And then I'm going to ask you why you do it, but if you want to answer that question at the same time, that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Okay, so two years ago I started my own disability focused um fitness training business, and what I do is I train children and adults who might not feel comfortable going into a usual mainstream gym or sports club or something like that. So I train lots of different children and adults of all ages who might have disabilities, low confidence, who have got anxiety, things like that were what might prevent them or act as a barrier in the way of them wanting to go take part in a normal gym. So that's why I've created my own gym, Fitness Bar Bobby, where anyone can feel comfortable going to. And yeah, I've just tried to create sort of like a home that anyone should feel welcome going to, and everyone can feel like they can be their self in there, whether that's doing boxing, gym work, dancing, whatever that might be. And yeah, I started this because my younger brother's got disabilities, and growing up, it was hard for him to find a place where he would feel welcome, or he would feel like he could just go in there and there'd be no issues or no trouble. And also myself, growing up as a really shy and anxious child to the point where I would never join in in any group classes or anything like that, and it took me forever to be able to find a space where I'd feel comfortable in as well. I was so lucky that I found boxing um towards the end of my childhood, because if I didn't, then I don't know where I'd be right now either. And from that experience of myself and experience of my brother growing up as well, that's motivated me and put me in a position where I've wanted to provide what I'm doing for other children who might be growing up like me and my brother. Um, because I feel like there's so many more children around the UK, just like my brother who have got disabilities, or like me who was so anxious, and there's so many around the UK, so many thousands and thousands. So if I could do my part to provide a place for them or begin to, then that's what I'm grateful to do.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

I think that's absolutely amazing. And that was the message I got from watching your stuff, and that was why I wanted to speak to you. Because I think that you actually have deliberately gone about becoming the adult you needed and your brother needed when you were younger.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Yeah, 100%. I feel like my brother, like I remember watching my parents try and get my brother into so many different clubs, and there weren't many clubs providing a space for people with disabilities or in general, just a place where someone with disabilities might feel comfortable. Because a lot of children with disabilities do feel completely different, and that's that's not a lie. And stepping into a place where people don't accommodate for that or don't welcome that, it's a scary thing. And even myself, even though technically I'd I'm not diagnosed with any disabilities, I didn't feel very comfortable going into a lot of places. Um, I remember like there's multiple clubs my parents tried to get me in before I started boxing, even a holiday camp in Spain. I remember one time they tried to get me into a a football club the whole time, and I just stood there and cried all the time. And this was I and I don't know why, I think it was just because I was uh because of anxiety, low confidence, things like that. But I'm just lucky that I found a nice boxing club as I was growing up, which completely transformed me, and that's what I needed growing up. And for example, the place I've created now is a place my brother needed growing up, which he's got now, and the place I needed growing up, a place that accepts everyone, and I feel it's so important because there's so many different children going through so many different battles, so many adults going through so many different battles, and I'm really trying to create that place where literally anyone can come to, anyone can come to, and I feel that energy in my classes because there's such a wide range of characters, ages, personalities, everything, like different disabilities, and it just all comes together, and no one feels like they're out of place there.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

I've watched some of your videos, and um there are just the sheer delight on the faces of children. Now, just for anybody who's listening for the first time, I'm an ex special needs teacher and I've also run an inclusive theatre school before. So I this is why I respect so much what what Bobby is doing. But there's this glee, this beautiful sort of like this the giggle that isn't just coming out of their voices, it's coming out in their faces and their whole body. When you are providing an opportunity and they are punching a bag that you're holding and you fall over with the weight of their punches, etc., and you just see the delight, the you see the best of these children because of what you're creating for them. And for anybody who doesn't already follow Bobby, please follow Bobby. And if you are living anywhere near rugby and you have children with with with knees, or anybody, anybody by the sound of things that might benefit from going to um fitness by Bobby, absolutely do nip along to rugby and get yourself involved because oh my goodness, it was just I watched and I just thought because do correct me if I'm wrong, I think you're only 21. Amazing what you're doing at the age of 21.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

It's crazy, it's all happened so fast as well. So, like I remember um working on a building site, and this was just over two years ago. I'd finished college, I was boxing, and I didn't really know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, to be honest. Um, I was working on the building site with my dad, but me and my dad both knew this wasn't what I wanted to do. I knew something weren't right, I weren't motivated for it. It's just I I knew it just weren't for me. And my dad didn't like me working on the building site anyway. And I remember we had a holiday booked and I went to Turkey, and uh just before I flew to Turkey, I recorded a video with my brother training in the garage. Like we all we just did like little bits of boxing anyway, but I decided to post it on Facebook, and what happened is I was getting loads of comments on the video of people asking me who we knew to train their siblings and their family members with disabilities, and um I went on holiday and I quit the building site job on my last day of holiday. Um I quit the building site and I just got straight to it and I said I'm gonna start training them. I didn't want to say yes straight away because it's something I was unfamiliar with. I've never done it before. The only experience I had was with my brother, so it just felt completely out of my comfort zone. But I got back, quit the just building site. My dad was happy and I started doing it. Uh brought a bit of equipment for my garage uh in my parents' house and just built it all from there. Kind of just one thing to the next, and then two years later, it's all just happened so fast.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

I think there is something here to be sort of said about being a young person who is, I suppose, impacted by the adversity that you experience for yourself, but mindful of the adversity you experience for your brother, and just being, I'm just gonna make it count.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Yeah, 100%. I feel like everyone goes through their own battles in their head or whether that's physically on a day-to-day basis. And I feel like it don't get talked about enough at all in young males, young females, whatever it might be, everyone goes through their own issues, and a lot of people are scared to talk about it online. I never started talking about it online straight away. But when you actually start to realise there ain't nothing embarrassing about going through anything, any sort of problems in your life, you put it out there and you realise it actually does help other people. Since I've started talking about my childhood anxiety, the amount of messages I get of people going like going through the same thing is crazy. The amount of messages I get on a daily basis that I've inspired some people in some sort of way, and I just think it makes it so worth it. It makes me get out of bed in the morning and generally look forward to doing my job, like pumped up to do my job every day, because it don't feel like I'm working, it just feels like how to explain it. I I just feel like it's it's some sort of movement, and it don't feel like a job, and that's why I love it so much.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

You actually have a CIC, don't you? Not a company, you have a CIC.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

I'm just a sole trader, I'm not a community interest company. Um, I just started my business. Yeah, I'm I haven't applied for any grants for anything at the moment. Everything, all the money I've sort of built up has been either out of my own pocket from what I saved up or um when I've set up GoFundMe's and things like that uh on my TikTok profile when the people who watch my videos wanted to donate towards getting me some more equipment for my sensory class or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

I'm gonna ask everybody who's listening if you can spare something for what we've doing. I think it'd be amazing. So you've got a GoFundMe page that people can donate to.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Got a GoFundMe in the uh in my bio of my social medias because everything I have brought or paid for is completely out of what the I've earned so far already. Uh it's all out of what we've earned and the the GoFundMe does help because it's brought me a lot of my sensory equipment, a lot of the equipment the kids use, and it just yeah, it makes the classes a bit better. It does, it goes a long way.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Good stuff. Okay, so we'll make sure that we share that when we're sharing the shorts and also the the the actual podcast to make sure that that is on there because any parent who is listening to this who's got a child who is highly anxious, or is the sibling of uh a child who's got additional needs, what a story in terms of you know recognising what actually can come from it. And Bobby is obviously dough giving a lot of himself to the cause of actually recognising that everybody deserves to thrive and actually making that a reality for for people in his in his his community, and I just think that is outstanding. Okay, so Bobby, talk me through what your childhood was like um as an anxious young person.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

So all I remember as a young child, and my parents will uh tell me tell me this a lot, but I never really thought about it too much until when I started this job, because I just thought, you know, I didn't really think into it too much, but I was a very, very shy kid to the point where I won't I wouldn't talk to anybody. Um anybody, I wouldn't join in in any group classes, and my parents are always trying to take me to group classes and get me involved with other children, but I was just too generally too anxious. Like I would always cry to go to school. Going to school was a really big issue for me. Like after a summer holidays, I'd cry for days and days before because I just generally didn't want to go. And it was a problem that happened throughout the whole childhood. I was just so kept to myself, I was nervous all the time, and things like that. And it was only when I started kickboxing, and I started kickboxing, I can't remember what age it was, and that's that was the start of growing me um to the point where I was growing confidence in myself, and then I switched over to boxing, and that's when it really took off me. Um, I grew that confidence in myself that I could actually do something. I met friends, I interacted with other children, and it gave me a purpose in a way, I'd say. Um, as the years went on with my boxing, I went to a high level of boxing, I went to a high level of kickboxing, and that's where it just shot off in my confidence. Like I was doing assemblies at school, things I never ever dreamed of doing. And I feel like that's why I think sport, exercise, fitness is just so important. Because I generally do think if it weren't for boxing or kickboxing, I generally don't know where I'd be because I I would definitely not be doing this, but I wouldn't have any sort of confidence like I have now, and it is something I do think about a lot, and it just shows how important it is because yeah, it's completely changed me. And even my brother Shay, like he was always confident and he was always like talking and stuff, but since he's been joining in with group classes, helping me out in my group classes, doing the boxing sessions, his confidence has shot through the roof as well. Because I guess it's uh a sense of belonging in a place, and he turns up there like he works there, and he belongs there, and that's what everyone needs, I think.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Well, he does work there, doesn't he? He is part of a team. Um, and actually, yeah, there'll probably be many times in his life where he's asked, Oh, what do you do? And he'll be like, Oh, I work at Fitness by Bobby. And that'll be accurate in its way.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah, yeah, no, he tells all his friends at school all the time. He hands out my leaflets at school and everything. And yeah, that's what I mean. That's why it's so important because he's proud of himself for that. Um, and that's what I mean, sense of achievement, sense of belonging. And if I can make him feel proud, then that means it's worth everything.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Okay, I I completely understand and respect that. I took a different sort of like route to you, um, and I didn't sort of really start doing things for my community until I was a bit older. But I ran an inclusive theatre school. Every single child who turned up had something to bring to things, and I I think back to some of the the the positive impact that it had. And I remember a parent saying to me, My child would not have had the confidence to have spoken in front of anybody before. And then she gave a speech at my my wedding day. And I remember thinking, oh my gosh, if just by being me, just by opening a class and being accepting of everybody, meant that this young person was then able to have the confidence to stand in front of a group of people where they wouldn't have done otherwise, that's kind of like I'm happy, like that for the rest of my life I will feel like I've got a bit of a legacy. And to think that you're 21, nearly 22, and you're you're opening doors for people younger and who are struggling more than you're struggling, um, I think that is a huge deal. Are you able to tell us a bit more about Shay and Shay's journey?

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Shea, uh like towards the start of his life, was told he couldn't do a lot, like he wasn't going to be able to do a lot of things. He had uh a lot of things put against him. Um and throughout Shay's whole life, he's gone above everything. I'm pretty sure they my parents will know a lot more about this, but I'm pretty sure they told Shay he wouldn't be able to talk, and he talks. Um, he's he plays for a football team, he's played for a rugby team, and uh he's always been very outgoing and things like that. He's always had the confidence, but there's a difference in having confidence in like talking to people and that, and having a confidence in himself and the proudness of himself, having a sense of belonging, and that's what he's only just I feel like developed in the last year or two. And I'm yeah, he's he's overtook everything everyone's ever said he'd be able to do, and now adding that to the fitness bar Bobby and working with me and coming up to the gym every day after school, yeah, it's really nice to see, and it makes me proud as well that I'm able to uh provide that for him as well. Because I always said to Shay growing up, we said it as a joke, but I was like, Yeah, you can just come and work with me, not knowing what I'll be doing when I'm older, because I could be on the building site, but I always said it. Um, and it turns out it's true, and yeah, he does work with me, and that's what we're gonna be doing for the rest of our life. So it's a proud moment, but the way I see it is I'm always looking ahead and I think it's the very start for me and my brother, and it's only up from here.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Do you feel there is more going on for you or for your child, but you are unsure where to start? At ADHD WISE, our neurodiversity pathway offers a cross-neurotype assessment for adults, children and young people. Cross-neurotype means we look across a range of neurodevelopmental profiles and differences, including ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, language communication, sensory processing, executive function and regulation. The pathway includes WiseCliff, which helps collect detailed information from you about everyday experiences, strengths and challenges. It also includes Crails, which gives us an evidence base based on activities that you perform online that shows us things like attention, memory, reasoning and cognitive processing. We then build this together with a semi-structured interview so that we can triangulate the information and build a clearer picture of what may be going on for you. The aim is to help you know where you are, what might be contributing to the challenges that you or your child are having, and deciding on next steps, whether that be a diagnostic, support in school or in work, coaching, adjustments, or simply better understanding yourself or your child. The Neurodiversity Pathway is about clarity, direction, and helping people be better understood. You can find out more at adhbwise.uk and look for the Neurodiversity Pathway. What does the future hold for Fitness by Bobby and your relationship with your brother and everything that you're doing?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

A lot of people sometimes ask me, like, what's my end goal of all of this? And if to be honest, my end goal is to make as big of an impact as I can possibly do. Um, I've been doing this for two years now, and obviously everything's happened so fast, it's been one thing after another. And I'm so grateful for that. I've never would have never ever thought all of this would happen, and how much has happened, I just wouldn't think it's possible. And all I want to do is keep taking that to the next level. I want there to be a fitness bar Bobby everywhere in the country because I'm only in one place right now, and there's only one of me. But the amount of comments and messages I get on a weekly basis, it must be a hundred a week, of people telling me, Oh, I wish live, I wish I lived closer to you, I live in London, I live in Newcastle, and it just frustrates me so much because, like I said earlier, there's so many people like me and my brother, there's so many people like the children I already teach around the whole of the UK. So that frustrates me a lot, and that just tells me that I need to expand, and that is gonna be the end goal. Being everywhere around the country, whether you're north, south, anywhere, everywhere, everyone's got a fitness barbobby to go to, and it's gonna be a lot of work, but I think, like I said earlier, anything's possible, and I'll make it happen because I know I'm driven, and Shay's gonna be a part of that, and yeah, I think the possibilities are endless. I generally think it's endless. I think I'm I've never been so motivated and determined to do something in my life. Every minute of my week I put to this, I'm even making TikToks, I'm I'm messaging new people to help more people, and I like it's it's my whole life, and it is my whole life, and it's a family business, so we're all driven to do it. My mum helps me out, my auntie helps me out, my nan helps me out, my brother's at all the classes, and yeah, I just I don't know where it's gonna go, but I'm just so excited for it.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Can you tell us what it was that boxing does? What what what is it about boxing that grabbed you and changed your trajectory?

SPEAKER_00 20:51

So as a kid, obviously, I've said it, but I was so shy and anxious. Um, and I went to boxing, and I think it's just because my friend started doing it, so I went with him. Um, well, it is actually originally kickboxing that I went to, and I only went to it with my mate because I thought it was wrestling that I watched on the TV, and I thought I was gonna be like all these wrestlers on the TV because I was only young, and that's the only reason I went, and I was actually very close to quitting a few weeks in uh because obviously I didn't like it, I was out of my comfort zone, and it was my parents that made me stay, and I was begging them to make me go, uh, make me leave, but they wanted me to stay, and I'm so glad they kept like they kept me there. Like, I'm so so glad they kept me there. And I switched to boxing because I went to the world championships in kitboxing, I got my black belt in kitboxing, and I thought the next step up was boxing because I could see a big career in boxing. I guess the dedication and the hard work and the constant being out of my comfort zone, the big fights, the training camps, everything that boxing did for me, it gave me a sense of purpose and it made me feel like, yeah, I'm the boxer. I remember going to school all the time. Having assemblies about me, I really thought like I was proud of myself and it made me proud of myself. Something I've never really felt before. And that's what trans transitioned me as a person because, like I said, it's a sense of purpose and it's a sense of belonging. Um, and that's why I wanted to turn that into my boxing. If boxing helped me and fitness helped me, then it can help so many other children. And I feel like boxing, it's good for your self-defense, it's good to learn. I think it's very good to learn for any child or adult. Uh, it's good fitness, it's good strength, and like, yeah, it gives you that confidence. Like when I'm teaching the children in my gym, it's not about being the best boxer. I don't like I'm not I'm not telling them fight tactics and things like that, it's just the confidence building of it, and it transitioned me as a person, and that's why I wanna I wanna give that to other children and adults.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I just think that's an amazing story. Okay, so we talked briefly about your North Star. What is it that you would want people to hear from you right now?

SPEAKER_00 23:03

I personally feel like everyone in the world has either been told they can't do something or they feel themselves that they can't do something. And I feel like everything, everyone in the world has got something to say about each other, and everyone's gonna say that you can't do something, and you're gonna tell yourself a lot throughout your life that you can't do something, you're gonna have doubt, you're gonna you're gonna think, Oh, I'm not good enough for that. I think you've got one time on this life, and I think you can do anything you want to in this world, absolutely anything. My clients in my gym, the children and adults I teach, me, my brother's proved it his whole life, and I feel like you generally can do anything. And I think don't listen to what people have got to say, don't listen to what your brain's got to tell you when you're when it's telling you you can't do something, because just do it, and you'll really realise you're capable of way more than you've ever thought. And I think, yeah, if that's the one message, go for it because yeah, just go for it.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Believe in yourself and go for it. When I was um doing my masters in well, I was doing my masters and I could perform, but what I couldn't do was present. And so I threw myself in and I went to I went and volunteered delivering assemblies in schools for kids who were preparing for their work experience, and that was the way I kind of like dealt with the fact that I had so much performance anxiety, if you like, where I just couldn't do a particular thing, and I kind of had to grab hold of it and do something with it because I just wasn't prepared to let it stop me from achieving something that I wanted to achieve and being the full person that I wanted to be. And I've only ever won one award in my life, and it was for that. It was an investors in people award for my my assembly speaking. And I and I think that there is something here about anxiety, there is something that you're saying here that we've kind of like not quite managed to unpick here about almost making friends with your anxiety, recognising what it's teach trying to tell you, and then deciding that you're going to not let it be the master of you.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

100%. Um, it's something I never really talked about growing up my whole life because I just thought I was a bit shy or whatever. Coming as I've been getting a bit older, like I realised like I I did have anxiety or I do still have anxiety, and I think it's something I've started to talk about in my videos because I never talked about it, and I think there's thousands of people around the UK that won't say anything about it because they feel ashamed, they feel embarrassed to mention it, or they feel like people are gonna make fun of them. And I feel like if I'm someone online who can put it out there that you know I do have anxiety, like so what? Do you know what I mean? Everyone's got their own issues, everyone's got their own problems, so what? And I'm dealing with it, and I'm doing more than I ever thought I would do with it because it ain't stopping me. You know, I've achieved way more than I ever thought I would ever, and like with anxiety or not, and I think it links to disabilities. There's so many children I know with disabilities are achieving so much, and I think everyone's got barriers put against them, everyone deals with their own problems, but we don't want to let that stop us, and that's what I'm trying to do. We never want to let that stop us. Like, I remember being on the radio um about a year ago, and I had an anxiety a panic attack just before the radio because I build up all this pressure on myself. I did the radio, no one ever noticed, but I was like really beating myself up after it. But then I went on the radio a month later and I was like nervous because I had a panic attack on my last radio thing. So I was like, oh, don't let it happen again. But I threw myself out there and I did it, and I was proud of myself for doing it because I'm never gonna let something stop me. Um, I'm gonna deal with it in a moment. I'm gonna talk about it after. I went on a video after and said, Yeah, I had a I had a panic attack on this radio, um, this radio shoot, and I talked about it, and I got a lot of messages after of people saying, like, look, I've got anxiety, I get panic attacks, what do I do? And I feel like when you've got someone online who opens up about it, because not a lot of people do, and I think there's a lot of fake stuff, and there's a lot of trying to put on a front on social media, and I feel like when you just put the real stuff on social media, and that's the stuff people can relate to, you know, there's fancy cars, fancy watches, all these cool holidays on social uh on social media that you know people can't relate to. If I put on there that you know I'm I'm doing this cool thing, but you know, I'd have panic attack doing it. That's real, that's generally real, because that's what people go through on a daily basis, and that's what can help people.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

That's an amazing again, another another amazing message. I can't believe I'm repeating myself, but I think it is an amazing message. Okay, so Bobby, if you could go back and tell your younger self something that you think would help yourself, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Do you know why it is? And it's the same message I said earlier, because it's quite a good question, and I'm not 100% sure. I really have to think about it. But the first thing that comes to my mind is go for it. I feel like every and I know it's the same message as I said earlier, but every good thing that's happened in my life, I've been nervous for, or I've been scared to do it, every single thing. But in that moment, because of good parenting, my parents pushing me a bit, and me just having that bit of bottle just to go for it, it's happened, and I've been so proud of myself afterwards, but it doesn't stop. For example, I would win a boxing fight, I've had 45 fights, I'd have won my 40th fight, and on my 41st fight, I'd be terrified to fight again. Like I would like generally be so nervous to go again. Um, but I would just go for it, and it happens again. These good things happen when you just go for it. Um, and you're always gonna have doubts, and external voices are gonna make you feel like you can't do it as well. But that is my one bit of advice I'd say I'd give myself. I just think go for it. Like when it's scary to jump, that's when you jump. I generally do feel like that's true.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

Because in the in our nervous system, excitement and anxiety are experienced the same way. Are you able to separate out what is excitement and what is anxiety, or is it just does it feel like one thing to you?

SPEAKER_00 29:19

You know what? I generally do feel like for me personally, growing up as well, it's always felt like one thing. I feel like before a fight, I'm excited, but I'm also incredibly nervous, and I'm just feeling all these emotions at once to the point where I'm getting sweaty hands and everything. This happens all the time. Um, I think it's just an anxiety trait, and but I've learned how to deal with that over time. I've learned how to use that to my own advantage, I've learnt how to switch off. For example, towards the end of my boxing career, I would fall to sleep until about half an hour before, half an hour before a fight, because I would switch off my brain. There's ways you go around it, and I'm not gonna never, and I've never ever, never, I've always tried to not let it hold me back because if my brother his whole life can do everything he's done while being told he couldn't, then I've got to give it a good shot myself as well, and I so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Brilliant. Okay, one more question. If you had a message for parents of children like yourself and children like your brother, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Getting your child into something to enjoy, and it doesn't have to be fitness or boxing, even though I feel like fitness and boxing is very important. But I feel like getting your child doing an activity outside of school, whether that's an arts and crafts club, football, boxing, theatre, dancing, whatever that might be, giving them that sense of purpose and that confidence, I think can change their life. Because all I can really go off is the experiences I know of my clients, myself, and things like that. And I just know if I didn't have that, I don't know where I'd be now. I really don't. And yeah, I think it's so important. If you've got a child and they've got low confidence or they've got anxiety, and they go to a dance class and they generally feel like at that dance class, they're on top of the world, and they leave that dance class feeling like they're they're the man, then that is so important, whether that's for an hour a week or 10 minutes a day, that is so so important, and yeah, that's my advice. That is my advice. I think it can change a life.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Yeah, I'm just gonna echo that because I grew up believing I was stupid. I was told I was stupid, I was told I would never amount to anything, but the one thing I had was that I could sing and I could dance, and there was so much of my sense of self, my sense of self-worth, my sense of belonging that came from feeling like I had that. And I think you're saying something similar here.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Yeah, 100%. Um I just feel like you need one place to feel like you belong there, and that can really change your life. I generally do believe it. I didn't really think I had a place to belong until I went to the boxing gym, and that was my place. I went there every night after school. No matter how I felt throughout the day at school feeling shy, when I came into that boxing gym, that was my place, and that's what changed my life. And I think that one little bit, that one little uh one little thing can can go a long way.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Now that's so interesting because now we've gone around and we've talked about fitness, we've talked about all sorts of things and and and anxiety and all sorts of things, but actually what we've come back to was belonging, and our children feeling like they belong somewhere, that they are part of a community, that they have value. Um, and you were talking about how Shay talks what turns up to work with you, like he's one of the team, and that is such a gift to be able to give to your sibling that I'm telling you now, because I coach a lot of adults, so many adults I know don't have a fit sense of belonging. They try their best to mask and fit in, but that's not the same as belonging.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Yeah, I I I 100% agree, and it's like when my children or like my clients come, for example, in a one-to-one class or a group class, like I generally wholeheartedly believe they know they're not just coming here for a fitness class. Like, I have chats with my clients, like they're my mates. We sit there for 10 minutes and we we we talk. Do you know what I mean? And I think it's that comfortable feeling that we've got that relationship together, we've got that love together, that you know, you're not just turning up to work, or you're not just turning up to like a club where you just gotta like work really hard and go home. Like, it's more than that. It really is more than that, and it feels more than that for me when I go to work. Like I said, I don't feel like I'm going to work, I feel like I'm I'm doing something, and I still don't know what the word is, but I don't feel like I'm going to work. Um, and yeah, I just think it's so important. Bobby, it sounds like it's you found your calling. Yeah, 100%. I I do feel like I have.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Your your contribution to the world, this is your calling.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Yeah, I I I feel like I've found my thing.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Good stuff, and you found it young as well.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Yeah, I am very grateful to have found it at this age. And I yeah, I I am 100% so grateful that this has all happened. And like I said, I generally do believe it's only the start, and there's so much more to come.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

And and I agree with you. And as an older person, I just want to say to you, you're going to find more callings along the way. This isn't going to be the only thing that you do. Your world is going to open up and there's going to be all sorts of other opportunities for yourself and for Shay. Um, I just want to sort of like put a message out there to everybody that look, this is what thriving looks like. Uh, this is what grabbing hold of things, taking a deep breath and taking a dive into things. This is what happens when you believe in your children, when you stay ambitious for your children. You know, Jay and Bobby, that whole thing around being told you can't, but still managing to go on and do. And I mean, as much as I'm older, I had a similar story. At the end of the day, we all need people who believe in us, and we all need environments where we feel like we belong. Bobby, thank you so much for joining me today. I am so grateful uh for the time that you've given me. And if there's anything I can do in the future to help you on this journey, please count me in because I think it's really, really important. And I hope everyone is inspired and goes, right, okay, yep, okay, and just believes in their children, just at one ounce more right now, and we'll put them just at one ounce more to go and take a risk on that club or that activity and not get too caught up in thinking, well, that's another lot of kit I've got to buy, etc. Because I know that's part of the family dynamic because I know I've been there with my own children. Bobby, thank you so so much for your time today. Um, don't uh don't ring off because I need to upload your recording before we disappear. But Bobby, thank you so much for being here today. And um I I don't think this is the last that we'll hear of you, and I will I will watch you avidly, and I'm so excited for what you're going to bring to the world next. And I can't wait to meet yourself and Che in person at some point. Thank you very much for being here.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Thank you very much. Thank you. I've really enjoyed it and I've enjoyed just giving out that message as well. Um so yeah, thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

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