EP011 | The Masters Didn’t Allow WHO Until When?!

In this episode of 2 Guys No Credentials, nothing makes sense.

The Sabres look legit, the Bills don’t, and the internet is arguing over a Trump-as-Jesus meme that somehow gets even dumber the more you look at it.

We get into highway criminals, another round with the VA, aliens obviously, and this week’s thing we hate: food boxes.

Then we close with a Last Sip on Augusta National and a timeline that’s way more recent, and worse, than you’d expect.

Two guys. No credentials. Strong opinions. Questionable facts.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Two Guys No Credentials.

SPEAKER_02 0:02

We're two completely unqualified people talk about nothing. And everything. Like we know what we're doing. Spoiler. We don't. Oh man, we're here.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Um, hey, do I look funny?

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Do I look weird?

unknown 0:20

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Sure you want me to really answer that.

SPEAKER_04 0:23

Do I I look crooked today, don't I?

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Do I look at it? I don't know. Not Do I look like a person? You look normal. I know some crooked people. You don't look like them at all.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Oh, you're just used to it.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Yeah. Doesn't phase me anymore.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

No.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

No.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

Oh, you know what's going on here? I know exactly. I'm like fucking George Costanza right now, sitting on my giant wallet. Look at this fucking thing.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

It's like the Gutenberg Bible. Yeah, that's too thick. There's documents in there you don't need to have in there.

SPEAKER_04 1:00

Uh well, I'll take out the hard candy. How's that? That'll that'll free up some space.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

You just keep some worders originals in your wallet? Yeah, uh absolutely. They're just constantly warm. I'm so thirsty. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I don't know why. Dude, I'll tell you this much. Um, I could not sleep last night. I just could not get tired, I could not fall asleep, and so I didn't actually go to sleep until like maybe 4:30, and alarm went up. Alarm went off at like 5 30, snoozed it a few times. So we're on the struggle list today. But you know what? I got a ton of shit done at work. I'm still having a lot of energy. I'm still feeling great about it. Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_04 1:46

I'm glad to hear it. Um, I don't sleep very well most of the time. In fact, Sunday night I woke up screaming. A night terror, bro? Uh I don't know. I don't want to say it's a night terror because that makes me sound like a nerd. Uh like a b. But I uh yeah, I uh I like I woke up screaming, and that hasn't happened in a really long time.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Dude. Did Paige shit her pants? No. If I was next to you in that bed and you woke up screaming, I would shit my pants.

SPEAKER_04 2:26

She was concerned, but it was like, I'm tired, let's go to bed. You you it's like you woke me up.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Why did you do that? Enough already. Again, Eric. And yeah, and the crowd laughs, it's like, you know, the sick yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:45

And then um I don't really have like much to ban like just back and forth. I don't know. I had um a leadership course today, and so far. Yeah, that sounds awful. Well, yeah, it was the maybe it'll get better. It it'll get better. We're we're staying positive.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah, maybe you gotta get past the first season, and it really starts to pick up.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

The first season? I I I hope this bitch gets canceled.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Me too. What a bitch.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

All right, dude. Um, it's not bad. Well, that's good. I'm glad it's not like bad. Because I've been to those, like conferences where you're getting nothing out of this. It's just, you know, like it's one thing if it's just kind of boring, but like the information's kind of alright. But some of those conferences were just I got nothing out of it the whole time. They spoke for eight hours about uh OSHA compliance. I know it was the whole day, and I was upset. I because I could have done literally I could have done I could have done my taxes, anything else. You could have done nothing. Ideally, ideally, I would love to have done nothing that day. But OSHA compliance? Ugh, why? You're telling me.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

First of all, who cares?

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Who gives a shit? Yeah, what's OSHA? To be honest with you, OSHA doesn't even care. No, OSHA doesn't care. They because we had a complaint. A disgruntled employee filed a complaint with OSHA. And so the people like told us they were coming and which day and time they were gonna be there. So no big deal. And they got there, like, yeah, everything's fine. There's a few problems, but uh, you'll fix them. And then they left. That was the first thing. Yeah, you're doing your best. You'll figure it out. That's funny.

unknown 4:51

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

Alright.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Oh, okay. Uh, you got any umbrellas? Yes, I do. Um let's hear it. Let's go back in time a little bit. Okay? It's August. August of 2025. We are sitting around in the garage, perhaps, and we're chit-chatting a little bit about sports, and then I say to you, you know what? This year the Buffalo Sabres are going to win the division, but the Bills are not. I mean, I hope you'd have slapped me across the face and called me a little bitch boy. It depends on what we're drinking. Yeah, um, absinthe only. Um because you must be hallucinating if you thought in August the Buffalo Sabres, who have been the worst team, well, not in sports, because that's the Jets, but it's uh in hockey for a decade, 14 years. They won the division last night. Unbelievable, unbelievable run the boys are on, and I'm getting you can call me you can call me a fan or a fair weather fan, fine with that, because it's true. I didn't stick around. I feel super happy for all my friends that were in it for 14 years. But man, what a crazy world we live in, where one of the best players in all of football couldn't get to the Super Bowl, didn't even win the division. But the last place team, the last five years in a row, they were in last place this December, and they turned it around. Unbelievable. I've talked about it every week for weeks, but it just keeps getting better. It just keeps getting better, they keep they keep winning, and I don't understand what happened. Because they were losing. There was a difference in the roster. They just fired the GM. Like that guy had anything to do with what's going on in the ice. It's unbelievable what's happened. And dude, they are gonna make some noise in the playoffs, and we'll see what happens.

SPEAKER_04 7:05

I'll sure hope so. Because I want this every week. I want a Buffalo Sabres Sabres, right? Is that it? Yeah, that's how you say it. Yeah, Sabres announcement every week. I want good news every week. Forever.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

All the way to the cup, baby. Exactly. What do you what do you mean by the cup? Oh, uh the Stanley Cup. Oh, my sweet, sweet, innocent baby girl.

SPEAKER_04 7:40

Uh that's exciting. Yeah, the internet's exciting. The internets were talking about was talking. The internet's was talking. The internets was talking about the Sabras all day today.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yes, uh, because it's an amazing thing. It's kind of amazing that we haven't seen like more uh sports outlets talk about this. Sports has never seen an in-season turnaround like this ever. And I I don't know. It's like we need to make a movie about this eventually. Because this is crazy. Um, I think what else is uh what else was really fun today, uh with the Sabres is their administrative department, like their marketing team, had a goddamn field day. I don't know if you saw any of this. Oh my god. They they had social media posts, and it's just like photos of what will look like receipts, and everyone's tweets about how terrible the team is this year and how they're not gonna make the playoffs again, and they just sent that out there. They use everyone's name and Twitter handle. Awesome. Absolutely awesome. Let's fucking go. Grade A. Uh, and then there's a guy at a bar stool, he talks hockey all the time. I forget his first name, Adam Whitney, maybe. He makes Pink Whitney, the drink is his. Um, he's talking about the Sabres just this year. That the Sabres have, and I quote, a 0.000% chance of making the playoffs this year. So the Buffalo Sabres purchased two billboards with his face on it and his quote, and on the side of it, it's division champs. Awesome. Um nailed it. Give that social media team a raise because this they're having fun now. Do you know how hard it must have been for 14 years for that PR team to drum up fans? Jesus Christ. Oh man. But let's just talk about so this guy uh he makes Pink Whitney. Um, I well, I don't think he makes it like in his garage, but uh he uh it's his Pink Whitney's his drink, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:53

So it's his drink. So you've got a guy who makes a drink for underage college women, and he's talking hockey? Get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

I already don't like it. He might be a former NHL player, and I want to point out anybody, any hockey fan that might watch this, we have no credentials, okay? It's not like I did my homework about this. I don't know who the hell this guy is. I know his name. I know that, and you know, extrapolating that his last name is Whitney, and the drink is pink Whitney. It's made by Barstool Sports. This guy works at Barstool Sports, and either they're connected, or this is one hell of a coincidence.

SPEAKER_04 10:35

Oh, okay. Alright, alright. Um it tastes like shit, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yeah, that's the best part. Yeah. Wow. I mean, could you imagine if they made it good? Who would drink it?

SPEAKER_03 10:49

Not me, because I can't drink for shit.

SPEAKER_04 10:53

Yeah, talk a lot about that episode five. Yeah, but you know what? I'm man enough to admit it, so that makes me more of a man than Whitney.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Yeah, it's a girl's name.

SPEAKER_03 11:11

It's a girl's name.

SPEAKER_04 11:14

Yeah. It is, I guess it is. Yeah, you're right. I mean, it's not, I guess it's a last name. It's also a last name. Like Eli Whitney.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

We'll agree to disagree. All right, yeah, okay. All right. Anything else? Um, let's see. Elijah. Yeah, he does something with gin, I think. Um it was better than Pink Whitney, whatever it was. Yeah. But his um his gin though, very dry, very dry gin. Uh no, I think that's pretty much it. It's been awesome. I mean, it's been so cool, dude. Like, it's super nice out. Um, so a friend of mine is uh a restaurant manager here at a really awesome spot. It's called uh Southern Junction. Uh they do this like really cool fusion of Indian and American barbecue. Um the flavors go together so well. It's very delicious. They all he was like talking with a bunch of other restaurant owners. They have no clue what's gonna happen. In Buffalo here, we have this like canal side venue where like the the lake kind of meets the city, and so they're they're gonna have giant screens and stuff out there to have like a Sabres playoff viewing party for with like 5,000 people. There's the there's the party in the plaza right outside the stadium where they put up huge screens. That's like another 2,000 people plus everyone at the game. So the all the restaurants around here have no idea what to expect. Are all these people gonna come in for food? What time are they gonna come in early before the game? Are they gonna come after the game? Like what's what's going on? How do we capitalize the most on this? And it's just awesome to see like the city going to be thriving because like our sports teams are all we have here. That's the only thing going on. No, no, you've got buffalo wings. That's something. Everyone says that, yeah, but every city has wings. Like, I know like it originated here, but every city has wings.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

I think you're taking your wings for granted because you live there.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Uh could be. It could be. I don't have this on a thing I regret, but uh I did eat wings last three nights in a row, and my body does not feel happy with me. That's why you couldn't sleep, man. Maybe.

SPEAKER_04 13:45

I've got two updates. Count them. Two. This weekend, Paige and I went to see Project Hail Mary. 10 out of 10. Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. So good. I will give this movie a perfect score. I don't give a shit. If Neil deGrasse Tyson comes out and starts talking about the physics of the shit and putting down the movie, he can go fuck himself because Neil deGrasse Tyson is a douchebag. So fuck him. But the movie was just so fucking I hate that man so goddamn. He loves hearing him talk so fucking much. Like he loves the sound, he goes to sleep. You know, like I go to sleep listening to Morgan Freeman, he goes to sleep listening to himself. That fucking dick. You can tell he loves the smell of his own farts, you know what I mean? Uh yeah, he loves hearing himself talk. I fucking hate Neil Grass Tyson. But anyway, the movie was just so good, it had everything, it was suspenseful. It did flashbacks, and the way it did flashbacks were like was so good. Um, because there was a little bit of mystery, like, how did he get there? What's going on? And like you didn't even care like if like you figured it out or not, because like it didn't really matter, but like it just showed this journey, how this guy ended up in space, and he he makes a friend out in space, and the friendship is just beautiful. The ending was per well, the ending was almost perfect. It had like th like three endings, and uh, we could have got rid of one of them. Uh, but the movie was so good.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Uh Ryan.

SPEAKER_04 15:28

Ryan Gosling is like the talented Ryan Reynolds. He is. Yeah, I I know exactly what you mean by this. Yeah, because Ryan Reynolds has no talent. He's the same character in all of his fucking movies.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Kind of, yeah, yeah. Almost identical every movie. Um, I now I do like Ryan Reynolds. I do find him funny. I think he's good at comedy, but that's one trick pony.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

Ugh, I don't like him.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

He's okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

He's a he's a douchebag, too.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Yeah. Him and Neil deGrasse Tyson are good friends. I'm sure they are. Yeah, both douchebies. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

But um yeah, Ryan Gosling, I think, uh underrated actor. Like, you don't think when you're we're like, hey, who's good at who's a good actor? Ryan Gosling really doesn't come to mind, but I recently re-watched The Grey Man, and that's a fucking awesome movie, too.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

That movie's awesome. Oh, yeah. You told me about Grey Man the first time. Yes. Yeah. This is when we went on the cruise and I watched it on the plane on the way home.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

Oh, really? You oh you you watched The Grey Man on the plane?

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Wow. What a great flight that must have been.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Oh, it was awesome. And I have the noise-canceling headphone, so it wasn't even that loud. I didn't hear anything around me. Awesome. And didn't have to hear Sam talk. Yeah. I mean moving on.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

Uh so uh I highly recommend going to see it. It's it's good. I'd go if I didn't have to go to the movie theater with all the creatures that go to movie theaters, I'd go see it again.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Oh, for sure. So a couple of things, a couple of notes I have here. Um, for you to say a movie's 10 out of 10 is high praise because I I really trust your opinion on film. And um, so the 10 out of 10 movie is a must-watch movie. Oh, it was so good. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. And I think you hit the nail on the head too. Ryan Gosling is a great actor. I have a piece of trivia here for you. Do you know his first accredited acting job?

SPEAKER_03 18:00

I I I should know this.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Let me tell you. Yeah, tell me uh the goosebumps when we were children. I knew it. I did know that. And he happens to be in the best episode. They find this little camera, and then every time they take a picture of someone with that camera, that person dies. Oh my gosh. Holy Santa Claus. Yeah. A little drink. Terrifying. Yeah, but it was good.

SPEAKER_04 18:32

He was great in that too. Yeah. Ryan Reynolds was on the X-Files. Yeah? Yeah, he died within like the first five minutes of the episode, so fuck him.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Did he play um some sort of happy-go-lucky who's a guy who's kind of aloof, but also laser focused on one thing, but only one thing at a time, and then that thing moves to a different thing like very, very quickly throughout the film? Was it kind of like that?

SPEAKER_04 18:58

No, I he played like a fat Jock.

unknown 19:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:03

Loser. Yeah, he was a little heavy in the in in the X Files.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Yeah. Well, he looks better now.

SPEAKER_04 19:15

Uh, screw him. Um, and then I've got another update. What is it? Oh, highway and criminals. Highway and criminals. Are you ready for this?

SPEAKER_01 19:26

I am. I actually don't know if I am ready for this because I only see these words, right? Highway and criminals. And I'm thinking of myself, what does this mean? Are the criminals on the highway? Are is the highway made of criminals? Ugh.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

That's an interesting that oh.

SPEAKER_04 19:47

We should explore that later. All right. So every time I'm on the highway with Paige, I ask her the same question. I'm always like, so I'm gonna ask you the question: how many times do you think you're driving on the highway next to someone committing a serious crime? Like currently, like in the act of committing a serious crime? Yes, like full-on movie stuff, drug traffickers with bricks in the trunk, serial killer just casually in the left lane, body in the back, like hey, I guess I'll take exit 27 to get home.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Wow, this is good. This is really good. Um, I think uh 100% of the time if you're near a FedEx truck. Yeah, because those delivery times are just criminal. I was also thinking that uh you can like literally ship drugs and they will never know.

SPEAKER_04 20:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Oh that's that too.

SPEAKER_04 20:52

But all right, so I asked, I always ask her, and she just kind of shrugs it off like I'm insane. Um but yesterday, so you generally I ask her, I'm like, How many times do you think you've been on the the highway and you've driven past someone with a body in the trunk? And she's always just like, What are you fucking talking about? Yesterday, driving home from work, and I see not one, not two, but three organ transplant transportation vans. So what? Yes. So I look over, I ask her the question, and I go, at least once.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Dude, nailed it. I mean, the perfect execution. Oh, good for you. There's only a few times in our lives where we have that perfect moment.

SPEAKER_04 21:52

I know, I was ecstatic. Um, but hey, let me ask you what kind of crime? Do you think you've driven next to?

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Wow. Um okay. So I think if you're driving around like Buffalo or like the North Towns, you're dealing with non-violent crimes mostly. Like this person's definitely like day trading right now on the road, and they're like, you know, it's little insider trading shit happening for sure. Like weird crimes like that. As soon as you get to Niagara Falls, it's kidnapping, kidnapping, kidnapping, kidnapping.

SPEAKER_04 22:39

Uh but now when you're driving on the highway, this is what you're gonna think. You're gonna be like, is that guy a serial killer? Does that person have a body in the trunk?

SPEAKER_01 22:49

All I'm gonna think about. You're welcome. This is this is so great for me. Every time I'm in the car with somebody, as is the only thing I'm gonna talk to them about. See that guy over there? Three filing accounts of battery.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Man, but those are my updates. That was a great, I had two great things that happened to me. Project Hail Mary and driving by three organ transportation vans.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Uh I've never even seen one. That is awesome. Yeah. That's really good for you. What what kind of crimes can you commit whilst driving?

SPEAKER_04 23:43

Oh. Well, we've got we named three kidnapping, drug trafficking, and murder. Whilst driving? Murdering whilst driving. No, like you've already murdered somebody, you got them in the trunk. So transporting a dead body?

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Oh, the old Aaron Hernandez. Yeah. Yeah, classic.

SPEAKER_04 24:06

Um, I'm sure there's other crimes. I can't. Oh, well. It's not that big of a deal, but driving drunk?

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Oh, yeah. Familiar with this? Yeah. I mean, not personally. But like I was hit by a drunk driver a few weeks ago. Um I say I say it like it was this major accident. She's just an idiot. She got a little sleepy at a red light and just moved on.

SPEAKER_04 24:36

Well, you're you're paralyzed from the waist down. We can't tell.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

You're you're doing great, man. They actually removed everything but the jejunum. They left that for I don't know if that don't ask me why.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

Um so now when I call you Dickless, it's gonna hurt your feelings.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Yes. Um, but it'll be a lot more accurate. Uh this is a good one. I cannot wait. I cannot wait to use this with my friend.

SPEAKER_04 25:14

When I'm in public, sometimes in the mall, I always wonder how many times has a serial killer like followed me and tried to decide if he wanted me as his next victim.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Oh, I gotta be honest with you about something. Ain't no serial killer wants you to be their victim. Well, they want you to be their friend. No way. Yeah, they're like, man, I could get a beer with that guy.

SPEAKER_04 25:52

You think so? I don't think so. I think they would like to bring me back. Like to be like, this guy's way too annoying to kill.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

No, dude, I think that they I think you'd be the reason that they stopped killing. Yeah, picking you up was a mistake.

SPEAKER_04 26:10

I gotta change my ways.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

They're like, man, if this guy can go through life complaining about everything and hating everything and not kill, maybe I could do it too. That's true.

SPEAKER_04 26:25

All right. You somehow, you've somehow turned this bit positive for me.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

That's what I do, baby. I got I do have a thing on serial killers, real quick. I think I've told you the story before, but it's worth repeating. So I was born in 1993, okay? The same year that everything about Jeffrey Dahmer came out. It was big news. Big news. And I want to point out his name is Jeffrey, and my name is Jeffrey. So when I found out that in 1993, this this is when this came out, this was big news. I had to feverishly Google dates and figure out did my parents name me after they heard the name Jeffrey Dahmer.

SPEAKER_04 27:10

Well, then the name turns out it was in the zeitgeist, you know, so they it was just they kind of absorbed it and were like, oh, that's a really good name. I wonder why I like it so much.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh my god, don't tell me, don't tell me that I named Jeffrey because Jeffrey was a popular name in 1993. Uh turns out I beat him by like three months.

SPEAKER_03 27:31

Yes, yeah, that's true. I actually, man, I don't even want to say this now.

SPEAKER_04 27:40

Uh I remember when all this happened. Yeah. Yeah, because I was ten.

SPEAKER_05 27:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

So could you imagine? Okay, us right now, I am an infant and you're 10, and we're just on a podcast together.

unknown 28:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 28:05

Tonight I'm making an AI video.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

It's just so weird to think about though. Like, as you get older, the the age gap matters much less, you know? Like, but when you rewind it, it's a little bit nuts. Yeah, it's a little weird. Like so I was in kindergarten when you were in high school.

unknown 28:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Can you imagine a freshman in high school hanging out with a kindergartner? I would have a lot of questions. There's nothing wrong with that. I've done it.

SPEAKER_04 28:33

I mean, I know. So nobody thinks twice about you know me and Paige. But then when I say that, you know, um, I was in high school when she was four, people started like going, uh that's a little weird.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

It sounds weird that way. Well, she's um 31. Something like that. Uh sorry if I just outed you, Paige. She's 30, she's 32. Oh, okay. Rock and roll. Oh, I hope I got that right. You know what? Go find out, then we'll edit this out. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

Well, I'll just remind her that Sam couldn't remember that you got married. Like, see, everybody does it. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Dude, it was so funny.

SPEAKER_05 29:38

It's the funniest thing.

SPEAKER_01 29:41

Oh, it's the right date, wrong year. According to her, we got married on a Tuesday.

SPEAKER_04 29:49

But you know what? It didn't matter because it was such a nice post.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Yeah, it was so sweet. So it made it hilarious. Yeah, it made it way better that she got it wrong. Because she also doesn't like she's not confident she knows our zip code. That sounds funny. Um like if I were to ask her how confident are you that you know our zip code, she'd be like six out of ten. I'm the same way. No way.

SPEAKER_04 30:19

I am. I'm the same way. I'm like, uh, zero. And then I'll I'll just go get a piece of mail.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

But how so how many places have you lived? Oh, 40. That's why. Okay, I have no idea, right?

SPEAKER_04 30:36

Um let's see. So Danbury, Connecticut, and then another zip code in Danbury, Connecticut. Then um I moved to uh South Carolina, then to North Carolina, then Pensacola, Florida, then Biloxi, Mississippi, then to back to North Carolina, which was a different zip code, then to is everything after Danbury all military? Yeah, and then to Japan. Yeah, then to San Diego, then back to Danbury. Oh, Wales Vagina. Oh, and then Columbus, and then to Bethel, and then now I'm in Newtown. Damn, dude. Good goofah. I also spent a few months in Portugal.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

What was your favorite? Oh, Portugal. Nice. Where in in the continental United States, where was the favorite place you lived? San Diego. Yeah, right.

unknown 31:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

San Diego. That makes sense. Beautiful weather all year. Only been to San Diego once for work was absolutely awesome. Very beautiful place.

SPEAKER_04 31:52

Yeah, beautiful weather. Um, but like California sucks. I would never want to live in California. San Diego should leave California.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

What if we just took San Diego and pushed it somewhere else?

SPEAKER_03 32:09

That's not a bad idea.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

Is that a record? Yeah, that quote's gonna go. Uh that one's gonna kill with the um uh Gen Zers. Oh yeah. What's it? Millennials, perhaps. Spongebob SquarePants. I've never seen it. This is the last thing I will say, and we gotta move on. Yep. There's an outstanding documentary. Uh it's I think it's still on Hulu. It's called the Orange Years. Oh, yeah, I've seen this. Oh, okay. Yes. Unbelievable. Orange Years is awesome. It's all about Nickelodeon and the heyday of it. Why they started Nickelodeon and how revolutionary that was to have network television specifically for kids was unheard of at this time. Uh, and like the awesome shows they had salute your shorts, rug rats, um, like just Alex Mack. David the Gnome. Huh? David the Gnome? No? This I this I'm not familiar with. This must have been like day one. Yeah, yeah. The Nickelodeon was super cool. And do you remember like like Slime Time Live and all that shit? Where like the everything was just like kooky and crazy in all the time, bright colors all over the studio. As soon as SpongeBob came in, ruined the entire network because it was so marketable, it was so profitable that the corporate bigwigs were like, we need to make money on this thing. And so all of it, all of it was ruined because it all got corporatized. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:01

Well, capitalism, baby. Let's get rich.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

The first chance I get, I'm selling out.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

Oh, a hundred percent. We've talked about this before. Like Maroon 5 early on, they made good music. And then all of a sudden, someone throws a $12 million check in front of them, and they just started making shitty music, and people gave them shit for it. And I'm like, I would do the exact same thing. You gotta do it. Exact same thing.

SPEAKER_04 34:39

Yeah, maybe I do. Alright, we gotta move on. Um weekly regret. What do you what do you got?

SPEAKER_01 34:47

Um I don't have a regret. I kinda I think I I think I kind of did this wrong a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 34:56

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

I don't have I don't have a regret. All right. I had a great week. Everything was nice. Weather's nice here in Buffalo. We're doing alright.

SPEAKER_04 35:07

Alright. Cool. Uh oh. So you want to do your the thing you wrote down in regret? You want to move that elsewhere?

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Where it's I kinda do.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

Okay, yeah, let's do it. All right, well, I'll give you mine. Alright. Wow. I don't even know what to do here. Oh man. I gotta collect my thoughts.

unknown 35:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:38

This is gonna be really hard for me. Yet again, my weekly regret is starting therapy at the VA. This is turning into a daily regret. Oh my god. I know. Well, I just gotta do a podcast about this shit. Um so I'm like six, seven sessions in. I think we're past the getting to know you phase, right? So she should at least know my name and the problems at this point, right? Don't you don't you agree?

SPEAKER_05 36:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:11

100%. So today she hits me with, what are you here for? What can I help you with? You should have been like my shtick. Oh my god. So I say, and I'm really frustrated actually. I say, this is the third time I've told you this. And I'm like, I want help prioritizing my life and actually getting things done despite my anxiety. And this is what she says to me almost word for word. It sounds like you're not goal-oriented, you're feelings-oriented.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

Hey, wait a second, wait a second. I can't see real good. What Einstein over there? Um, I have to educate you.

SPEAKER_04 37:10

So I'm like, I'm extremely goal-oriented. Like I do a ton of stuff. My problem isn't having goals, it's my brain randomly deciding we're not doing any of them today. Um, I mean, there's other things too, but like this was like the main thing about meeting with her. Um, so I said, listen, if you can't help me, just say it because like right now it just feels like I'm explaining problems and you're creating new ones for me. Good for you. Um so I'm sitting there, like, I don't know. I'm I'm bad at explaining. Am I bad at explaining myself? Like, or is this like the world's slowest gaslight? I like I'm just not sure what's happening. Um, so I left therapy today more frustrated than when I walked in. And I'm pretty sure that means either it's working or I need a new therapist, but I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

So I've never been to therapy, but like you need a new therapist. Oh god, I know.

SPEAKER_04 38:18

If there's anybody out there that knows somebody, let me know.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

I mean, I know people. I hope she doesn't see this. I hope she does.

SPEAKER_04 38:30

I'll be so embarrassed next week.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Why? You wouldn't be talking about this right now if she spent a little bit of time like remembering you, maybe writing a note, reviewing her notes, and like understanding what's going on and not stating the fucking obvious. Like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 38:56

I don't know. I really use actually shocked. Like, I'm like, like, that's why I got so frustrated, and I look like laid it down. Like, I don't I don't want to waste your time, and I don't want to waste my time. And I said, I especially don't want to waste your time because I'm sure there's a million veterans that need more help than I do. So if you could be spending time with them, let's do that, let's let's make this happen.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

The really funny thing is you would be helping out the veterans a lot more by sticking in there with her and keeping her away from the rest of the veterans.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

Uh, I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure that's not true. She probably does a good job.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Doesn't sound like it.

SPEAKER_04 39:40

Well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

I'm not there.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

So that's my you were the only other person in the room besides her. I know. Uh can you come with can you come with me next time?

SPEAKER_01 39:56

I will eat dude. Honestly, if I hear that there was another incident like this, I'm going to fucking drive to Connecticut and we're going together. I'm going to give this woman a piece of my mind. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Sounds good. Deal. It's a deal.

SPEAKER_04 40:12

Alright. Let's get into our uninformed takes. Because I can't handle any more therapy talk. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

That bitch probably eats bananas with the skin.

SPEAKER_04 40:26

Oh my god. Do you watch that guy? The English No, let's not do this. No, I'm gonna do it. You you watch the uh you watch the English guy on Facebook. He teaches etiquette. He's a British guy. No. Oh my god. I'm gonna send you some of his videos. But the proper way to eat a banana is you lay it down horizontally and you cut it down the middle, like in front of you. Like imagine this is the banana. You cut it in front of you, right? And you take your knife and fork and you kind of split it open. Then you do a bunch of cuts and take out each piece with a fork and eat it that way. That is the proper way to eat a banana. What do you gotta do when you're having high tea or whatever they call it? Uh all right. High tea? I've had weed tea. Does that count? Good for you. Yes. Alright. Let's get into it. You go first. I'm not even giving you a I'm not giving you a choice.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

I love this. Take control of the situation here. Okay. So something is just extremely funny. I I find this whole thing extremely funny. All right, I don't know how else. I don't know how else to think about it. It's just the absurdity that continues to be the Donald Trump administration. He I I truly believe he did this all on his own. I think he went to ChatGPT, made himself an AI photo of him as Jesus Christ handing out food or whatever to the people.

SPEAKER_04 42:26

No, no, he put his hand on somebody and healed them.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Yes, that's what it was. Yeah. Uh well, obviously, there's outrage about that. Uh my favorite part about it is when questioned, uh, did you create a photo depicting yourself as Jesus? He goes, I thought I was a doctor, I thought I was being a doctor, but that still makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 42:55

Yes, doctors, doctors heal people. But it doesn't why would he be one?

SPEAKER_00 43:03

He would not one. It doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

It just makes perfect sense.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

It's so funny. It's uh it's just I thought it was a doctor.

SPEAKER_05 43:13

I thought it was a doctor.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

Was it gonna be a doctor? I'm a great doctor. I'm like, what is he doing? What first of all, you you're you're lying. Like you don't look at that photo and think, oh, doctor. You know, you you you look at a doc if you're looking at something and they got a stethoscope, you're like, doctor. He's a veterinarian.

SPEAKER_04 43:36

If it's a veterinarian, I'm like fake doctor.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Yeah, just animal doctors. Very different. They don't know like anything about social studies. There's like six people that are gonna get that reference.

SPEAKER_04 43:49

So, all right, let me ask you a question about this, okay?

SPEAKER_00 43:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 43:54

Are you more upset about the blasphemy or are you upset that he said?

SPEAKER_01 44:05

Um I don't think I'm upset at all. I think you could can I so can I quote Jerry Seinfeld?

SPEAKER_04 44:15

You can quote whoever you like. I'm offended as a comedian.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

It doesn't bow like I don't it's just so absurd. It doesn't like it's ridiculous. It's just it's so ridiculous. And then but then then it's like on the heels of him talking shit to the Pope, which is also hilarious. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_04 44:47

So funny. I gotta be honest with you. I think it's so funny. I think now you and I are very different people because I could give a I could give a fuck about all this shit. I just care about the policies, and you know that's it. I that this thing, this kind of thing that Trump does, I'm here for it. Like I could I I if he if he was like, all right, I'm not gonna make any more poly policy decisions, but I'm gonna continue to like tweet and make memes. If you vote for me in 2028, I'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

That's where you that is that is where definitely where we differ, because I know for a fact he is not doing it to be funny, which is why I think it's funny. It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 45:48

I don't want to get into another tariff thing, but how do you know for a fact he's not doing it to be funny?

SPEAKER_01 45:56

Because there's no joke. He just posted the photo.

SPEAKER_04 46:00

Can I tell you what the joke is? Yeah. The fucking liberals go crazy over this shit.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

Well, this one hit the Christians too. His own voter base.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

That's why I don't think it's that's why I don't think it's can I let you let can I let you know a little secret though?

SPEAKER_01 46:19

Yeah. I'm gonna whisper this.

SPEAKER_03 46:22

Okay. Because I don't wanna I don't wanna upset anybody. Those Christians. They think he's Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

Oh yes! That's exactly what I was going to say.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

That's exactly what I was going to say. So he puts this photo up there because he's like, oh, my supporters, those morons are gonna love this. That's what he thinks. I think that's what he thinks.

SPEAKER_04 46:51

I don't think so at all.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

I think he's trolling the fuck out of all of you. No, he's not he's not funny enough for that. If he was if he was like funny enough to actually troll people in that way, then he would have he would have done it more on the apprentice. He's just an asshole. Dude, Donald Trump is absolutely a comedian.

SPEAKER_04 47:11

He's so funny. He's got a lot of fun. But it's not intentional. I no, it happens. It's not intentional. What do you mean it's not intentional? Like, like, do you think the people who get up are like like this is intentional? Like when they're going to be c comedians, like they have a talent for it. Like he's got a talent for it. Absolutely. He knows how to change his tone for things. But he's hilarious, dude.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

I think well, to address the comedian thing, yeah, it's absolutely intentional. They get up there and they absolutely intend to make jokes and do it like very specifically with very specific words to be funny.

SPEAKER_04 47:57

Yeah, but he has but now what I will say. But they're not they won't be funny if they don't have any talent.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

I mean, that's that's a fair point.

SPEAKER_04 48:05

Like Dave Chappelle could write me a ton of jokes, hand them to me, and I could go on stage, none of them are landing.

SPEAKER_01 48:13

This yeah, of course. But I also never f never found Trump funny because he is good at comedy. I've always found him funny because I genuinely believe his absurdity. Like, and I'm not even talking about I'm not even talking about him as president, I'm talking about him that like just being pissed off at Rosie O'Donnell in 2005. That shit was hilarious, but not I I don't he I don't think he intended it to be hilarious. He was just standing in front of anybody who would listen, any camera that would face him, and call Rosie O'Donnell a pig in like 20 different ways.

SPEAKER_04 48:54

Hilarious. I I think he's funny. I I do, I think he's hilarious. But that's the thing, like in in three years, three and a half years, I'm not gonna think he's hilarious anymore. It's just gonna be like, all right, dude, you gotta pack it in, go away. It's time to stop. Unless, you know, somehow he he gets a third term, in which if he decides, hey, I'm not gonna do any more policy stuff, I'm just gonna make jokes, I'll vote for him.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

I'll do it. Well, to be fair, he doesn't really do any policy stuff now.

SPEAKER_04 49:36

That's not true. That's not true. He got red dyes banned.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

I will say, like, as much as I fucking hate Donald Trump, there have been a few things that are not awful. And um, like RFK, I think is an absolute joke, but I think his intentions are pure. I think he's such a moron.

SPEAKER_04 50:00

He's such a moron, it's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

Such a moron. But like Canada, they don't use any preservatives in any of their food, and I will tell you, their ketchup tastes amazing.

SPEAKER_04 50:13

Yeah. All that all that fungus growing inside there. So good.

SPEAKER_03 50:18

Fuck.

SPEAKER_04 50:24

Um, because they're a fungus.

SPEAKER_01 50:28

Do you do you get it? I love that. So that was a great joke. That was a great intentional joke. We call it a slow burn because I had to think about it for a second, and then I got it, and I'm like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:42

So can I since we're on our uninformed takes part, can we do a little pop politics real quick? Yeah, let's do it. All right. I just want to say, um, up until the Venezuela thing, basically, I was very happy with Trump and the border. I was 50-50 about the whole ICE deportation things because I thought it was handled terribly. But something had to happen. It was just ugh, I could have done a better job. Um, but and then on the other side, I thought his foreign policy up until the Venezuela thing, I thought was I think I thought he was the best president on foreign policy we've probably in my lifetime. And now I'm like, what is happening? Like, what are we doing? Like, what's going on? I just don't understand. Like, we have alienated all of our allies, and yes, we have replaced some of those allies with allies in the Middle East. He's now responsible for um Canada, you know, the person on the right losing, and now Turkey, the person he wanted to win in Turkey is lost. I I it's all falling apart and very, very strange. And I'm really starting to wonder if he's got too many people around him telling him like this or that or whatever, like the fucking Lindsey Graham's of the world who are like the things he wants to hear, you mean? No, no, no. Just telling him what they want and he's starting to listen. Um, I just don't know. I the this the war in Iran. I'm just like, all right, sure. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Um, they're an evil in this world, and um a country like I Iran should not be in control of the Strait of Hormuz, but shouldn't we have handled it a little bit better?

SPEAKER_01 52:54

I don't know. Uh yeah, yeah. It's um it's like action and then let's figure out if we did it right or not. It's like uh there's a reactionary like problem going on, right? But that to me, that's what I've I've for me that's what I've viewed about Trump even in his first term. That and I think that you know things maybe weren't as bad as I maybe thought at that point, but like I have never seen him to be a calculated person, like let's think this through, let's develop a plan. It's just like act now, think later. And I think it's finally catching up to him because I don't think we just alienated allies recently, I think we did that as soon as he imposed tariffs.

SPEAKER_04 53:46

That's like is the you know uh I agree and disagree with that take. Um just because um like he did negotiate some really good deals, especially in um in Asia. Which one in Europe? Uh Japan? The car deal? Tell me about Japan. It's too long, too, too long ago. We'll do a whole episode on this. Uh it's too long ago for me to like call out the details. I just remember being like, oh, I really like this. Um uh there were some deals that he did in uh the EU that I was pretty happy with. Uh what was happening with China, I was very unhappy with. Like the I I what he did in India, um, where he raised the tariffs on India to punish them for buying oil elsewhere, uh, push them into China's sphere sphere, didn't like that. You know? Um, anyway, I don't remember where we're going with this, but uh you know, I I don't know. It just like my issue now is you have screwed up this entire war in Iran so badly that even though you're completely obliterating obliterating this place, winning the war, it looks like you're losing. Because none of your friends are there to help you. That to me is a huge, huge problem.

SPEAKER_05 55:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:26

All right, yeah. But Donald Trump is Jesus, I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 55:32

I mean, again, it is hilarious. Um, not for be not not because he was trying to be funny. I think that's what he thinks of himself. I think he thought his supporters would absolutely love it. And then when they had an adverse reaction, I just I just thought I was being a doctor, a very good doctor. Uh, touch anybody, anybody they want to touch them.

SPEAKER_04 55:54

I'm sure he's got soft hands.

SPEAKER_00 55:58

You know what?

SPEAKER_04 55:59

I bet you he does.

SPEAKER_01 56:00

Because he doesn't have he hasn't done an ounce of manual labor in his life. I bet you he does have very soft hands.

SPEAKER_04 56:08

No, he worked at that McDonald's that one time.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

Okay, don't you think it would have been incredible driving up to that drive-thru and then Donald Trump hands are your McDonald's? Here's your happy meal.

SPEAKER_05 56:23

Yes, please.

SPEAKER_01 56:25

What a lovely thing. And I've been like, can you just stay here?

SPEAKER_04 56:30

Um, so I've got I didn't, I don't really have an uninformed tank, but I wanted to talk about something, but we're not gonna have time for it because it's a huge subject. No, what do you mean? No, don't be sorry. It's like it's a lot. I really want to talk about this.

SPEAKER_01 56:47

So I love this subject, so sneak peek for a future episode when we dive into this.

SPEAKER_03 56:54

Vaginas.

SPEAKER_01 56:57

Yeah, the mystery.

SPEAKER_04 56:59

Wait a minute, the mystery. I I I pronounced the aliens wrong. I'm sorry. Slip of the tongue. That means two things. Double entendre. Um, but since so we've got like a minute or two, but so I'll just share something with you that is along the vein of aliens. I have a few things on my supernatural bucket list. I don't know if you have a supernatural bucket list, but you should. One, I would like to go searching for Bigfoot one day. Two, I would like to be abducted by aliens. I'm pretty sure I could ignore annoy the fuck out of them that they would return me just like the serial killer. So I don't I don't feel like I'm in any danger. Um plus I don't mind getting probed. So, you know. You and Lance Bass have a lot in common. Um what a Lance Bass. Number three, I would like to be present during an exorcism. Oh number four, I would like to be in a house that has a poltergeist. Wow. This is a hell of a list. Yeah, supernatural bucket list, everyone should have one.

SPEAKER_01 58:47

All right, well, we gotta go to Salem to get one of these done. I've been there once.

SPEAKER_04 58:52

I didn't enjoy it. No, I've never been there. Well, oh yeah, we went there this was years ago. It's gotta be like 2015 or something. Uh it's before I moved to Columbus, and we went to the um I don't know, the Museum of Witches or Witchcraft or something like that, and like they have like animatronics explaining like like the Salem witch trials, and it was just terrible.

SPEAKER_01 59:20

So Stu Leonard's but witches. Yeah, basically.

SPEAKER_04 59:26

Exactly. Yeah, but there were no free samples, no ice cream, no no um lobster rolls, so not as good.

SPEAKER_01 59:36

I tell you what, I've never been so loyal to the Chiquita banana brand. Uh but like Stu Leonard, right? Like if there's a performance, I'm gonna buy the Chiquita.

SPEAKER_04 59:47

Right, absolutely. She she sells does she have hips? I don't know what those are, but she those those that those hips don't lie.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

I guess it would be rinds. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:06

Um but she can move. All right. Uh wait a second. I'm so confused. You did everything backwards.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:19

Uh yeah, I really messed it up today. Like I said, I had an hour of sleep.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

Um do you want to do one of your things I hate?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:30

You got two of them. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:32

All right.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:33

Um yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:35

Um, so my thing I hate is actually a thing I love.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:42

This is blow my mind already.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:46

I love the fact that Mike Vrabel and Diana Russini are both cheating whores. Who who are these people? Mike Vrabel is the head coach of the New England Patriots.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:04

Oh, I see.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:05

Okay. Diana Russini is a reporter for the athletic, and they were photographed this past week because all the head coaches they have a big meeting before like the off-season starts, like the official offseason. They have a big meeting, and all the coaches get together and hang out and all that stuff. There's always reporters there, you know, sports reporters. So there's a bunch of photos of Mike Rabel and Diana Roussini like in the hot tub together for way too long, and they are hugging and they are holding hands, and they are their body language is very flirtatious yet familiar. Disgusting. So just just today, Diana Roussini resigned from the athletic, which is like it's basically like the precipice of sports reporting is the athletic. And so she had to she resigned because this has become such a problem, and likely because it is true. Yeah. But then I remember the Patriots. Oh, they're in my division. So good luck. Good luck getting anyone in that locker room to trust you now, Mike.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:21

If that is your real name. I just want to put this out here right now. When I said disgusting, I wasn't talking about what they were doing. I was talking about the hot tub. What are you doing? You know how many people peed in there? Yeah, it's disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:37

Like you're on Mike Braver's probably gnawing on a corndog.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:41

Yeah, you're doing something you're not supposed to be doing, but you're doing it while you're turning yourself into soup? Gross.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:48

Someone walks by and adds a little onion and carrot. You guys are cooked. We got pictures. Simmer there. Sit there. Uh all right. I so I I I love it. I am all about anything that's gonna be a distraction and that godforsaken locker room. Everyone knows they didn't deserve to be, even in the playoffs, let alone go to the Super Bowl. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. So fuck Mike Frabel. Bitch.

unknown 1:03:18

Bet.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:19

Alright. Yeah, fuck the paths. Man, Dave is gonna love this. I'm gonna send it to him.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:28

Dave?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:30

Yeah, you remember Dave. Uh I remember Dave? Yeah, Dave from my wedding. We're hanging out, smoking cigars.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:42

I gotta be honest with you. I don't remember much about your wedding. You you remember Dave. Dave is on. If I saw Dave, I'd know Dave. Oh, Dave! Yes, I know Dave. Great guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brown hair, brown eyes. He's a little bit of a looker. I don't know what color his eyes are. Dave's gonna watch this. He'll know. He'll know I'm talking about him. Yeah, no, I yeah, we we we spent that whole weekend together. What a great dude. I mean, he roots for the wrong team, but he means well.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:17

Yeah, he does, he does his best. Yeah. I know. I it's so upsetting that he's a Pats fan.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:24

Yeah. And he's a father now, so now he has responsibilities and ignores them by letting the child be a Pats fan. That's true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:35

But the problem is, is the the uh Child Protective Services or CPS, um, they're all in on it together. They're Pats fans too, so they'll never do anything about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:47

Oh, what that this is I can't believe this. We I gotta lay down.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:52

I gotta lay down.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:54

Um wow. Wowie. Um I don't know what what else I got. What's going on here? Do you want to do your other one or do you want me to go? What do you want?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:05

I want you to go.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:06

All right. Things I hate. Let's see. All right. This is another thing. Happened to me this morning. Um, something I hate. All food that comes in boxes. Cereal, mac and cheese, cheeses. It's 2026, and we still can't make a box that opens properly. You just try to open it like a normal hit human. You just lip lip the flap. Now you've ripped off half the box like an idiot. There's only two op outcomes when you've got food in a box. You barely open it and it won't close again. Or you absolutely destroy it like you're breaking into like an evidence locker. I just don't understand it. Like, can't we do something here? Kraft Mac and Cheese. Kraft Mac and Cheese, forget it. The box disintegrates or it won't open. It's like Fort Knox. Serial. Serial. It's even fucking worse. You've got a half open, half-open box that's never going to close again. And then the bag inside inside, that won't open right either. They got you twice.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:42

Did you ever go grab like the cereal box and then it just like crimps because there's no structural integrity? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:50

What's going on here? I just don't understand it. We just put people in space and they flew around the moon, allegedly, but I can't open a box of Cheez-Its without structural failure.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:03

I just don't get it. Oh, you know what's funny is the Cheez-Its boxes one of the ones that's like most structural integrity. Yeah, it's true. But is there still no structural integrity? Yeah, you keep saying tegrity. This is such a good take, by the way. This is so this is so right. Um, I can't believe I've never thought of this, or no one's ever talked about this. Uh yeah, everything in a in a box. Now, because I'm not a disgusting milk drinker, I don't eat cereal.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:55

Oh man. Yeah. What are you doing? Drinking milk. Disgusting. Have you seen that? Have you seen that thing on Instagram where they're like when the boys go out for steaks and they all order milk with straws? What's going on?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:21

No, no, it can't happen.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:24

Anywho, uh, yes, I I think this is so right. There's no structural integrity. You know what it is too? This the the glue the adhesive that keeps the flaps down is too much. Too much. It's too adhesive. Yes, I agree completely. We need to do like a like a like a like a lesser stick'em or something. There needs to be there have to be a better way.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:55

I think cereal should come in like resealable bags. Like with the little ziploc thing with a little, you know, one of those devices that you slide over and it closes it for you. That's how cereal should come.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:10

Yes. Yes, I agree. However, corporations would realize it's not as easy to market that. So it still have to go in the box so they can put their fucking Tony the Tiger. You know what's interesting? I had a marketing professor talk about this specifically. So Tony the Tiger, Frosted Flakes knows exactly where they are on the real estate of the shelf in every grocery store. They do. This is a real thing, right? Yep. They know that they are on the lower shelf because it's Frosted Flakes, doesn't have the marshmallows, but they know who they are, and then they paint Tony the tiger with his eyes at a certain orientation.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:55

So that her eye contact with small children.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:02

Yeah. That's what Donald Trump Trump did in the Jesus thing, too. I don't know if you noticed that. Yeah, he made on contact with small children from the island.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:13

Well, he was just trying to heal them. With his small hands.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:19

I'm gonna heal the shit out of these people. I'm so good at healing. No one's better at healing than me.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:24

Speaking of Tony and Tony the Tiger.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:29

Speaking of Tony the Tiger, uh, really quickly, because I gotta bring it up. Uh, the other day, I was this is gonna sound terrible, so just roll with me until I get there. Um, I was preparing the comfort room for euthanasia, and yeah, um, which are you know sad things, it's a nice thing we get to do for clients and their pets. Um, but we get a lot of donated blankets and towels, and we always lay like a nice blanket down, like a fleece or something. Of course, and I reach into a little place where the blankets are, and I pull out a blanket, and it's got Tony the tiger on it, and it's like, you're great, they're great. Oh no, and it was a cat that was being ethanized. So um, like obviously, my first thought was I can't use this, but no, the picture of me putting it there and then bringing their cat out and putting it on there, like struck me really funny. So I didn't go get them for like five minutes because I was in back, like chuckling to myself, trying to like like get my composure.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:06

So funny. You're great, you're great.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:18

Oh, we laugh, but the euthanasia process for pets can be some of the most rewarding work that we do in veterinary medicine. Um providing a really great service for good people, arranging the blankets in a way so that the pet is the most comfortable they can be in their final look. See, I told you.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:49

They're great. Yeah, I told you it really struck me funny. Uh really funny. Yeah, I had to, I had to I had to pull it together real fast. Oh um, but it was nice, it was really nice. Um uh the clients were really nice, um, really good people, and they told me all about the cat and everything. It was it was like normally I'm not very good at the euthanasias. Um, I have a very hard time because I'm like, if I always think, what if it was me? Uh not being put down, but what if it was my pet? Like, I don't want a lot of talking. I'd rather you just get everything together. Let's get this done and let me spend time with my animal. Uh so I don't say a lot. Uh so I sometimes I feel awkward. Um, and I kind of let the doctors do the talking, but this was really nice. Like we made a nice connection, it was good.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:40

Yeah, I loved that, man. Yeah, it's a real that's a really interesting, it's a really interesting thing that we that um, you know, but like I've sat at the front desk and and you know, answered phones and like you did the the bookings and make appointments and everything. And I was involved in a few of the like you setting up the rooms for euthanasias, and being able to like be a part of that process is really, really interesting and humbling. Um because they really have an opportunity to take the worst day of someone's life and make it one of the like a good experience. And a lot of times like they will leak, they can leave the room being like, you know, this was very comforting, and I can't really think of any anything better than that.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:24

Yeah, I think the biggest goal, like you've got two goals, really. You you know, obviously, um, you don't want the pet suffering anymore. Um, but on top of that, you really want to make sure that the clients leave thinking they made the right decision. Um that's a huge responsibility, and it is kind of nice knowing, like, all right, I can I can do this for people. Um but it sucks some it sucks sometimes. But other times it's really funny. Like you go to get a blanket and there's Tony the Tiger staring right at you.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:00

Yeah. Yeah. Well it's it's it's the kind of the the the comic relief that you you get in that field, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:15:07

Yeah, you need that shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:10

At least I I do. I always got like some weird shit to say. I mean, I think a lot of people do.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:18

All right. Well, uh, we got 15 minutes. Okay. Um so uh, you know what? The world is your oyster. What's happening? What's going on in in the world of Jeff?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:33

What's your last sip? So I don't think I've talked about this on the podcast before. I love golf. I play golf once a week all summer long. Uh, and uh, you know, part of my fandom in this is I I love the Masters. So I have a tradition. My brother is he's an amazing golfer. So we will get together and watch the Masters with his friends. Um, it used to be years ago, we would get together uh when my friends, when his friends had like uh this house that they all were all roommates in, uh, we would get together the Saturday before the Masters, and we would play PlayStation 2, Tiger Woods, and we would do the Masters rounds, and whoever won that tournament would wear the green would wear the green jacket we got from the Salvation Army. So I know it was like you know, the night was filled with drinking games and all this. Anyways, as I've gotten older, we start to think about the Masters a little bit in an Augusta National. So I did a little bit of research today, and I want to first of all, how much do you know about the Masters? Nothing.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:44

I just know they get a they get like a jacket for a reward, which is stupid. They can they all have jackets already.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:51

Yes, they get a green jacket. Uh the winner is also an automatic member at Augusta National. Augusta National is not a place that you can apply to be a member, it's invite only. So it's very exclusive. It's one of the nicest golf courses on planet Earth. And I'm you're not even allowed to call it a golf course, you're allowed, you're only allowed to call it Augusta National. Oh my gosh. Um yeah, so a lot of very strict and very weird rules. But it's in Augusta, Georgia. So I did a little bit of digging today. I want you to guess what year women were allowed to be members at Augusta National.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:37

I'm gonna just you know take a shot in the dark here. They're still not.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:51

That's my guess. Okay. So the club was founded in the night in the early 1930s, and women were allowed to join in 2012. Oh, I was pretty close. Really close. Yeah, I was really close. All right, 2012, dude. What tidbit of information? The first member, female member was Condoleezza Rice. Nice, very nice, very rice.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:28

Um that's that's racist. Why? I guess Asian. Her name is Rice. Who's your last name? I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:46

All right, you're probably right. Um also, okay. I w I want you I want you to tell me when the first African American was allowed to be in the club. No shot in the dark. They're still not. No, they are. Because Telga Woods won the Masters many times. They kind of forced their hand. All right, that's good. That's good. Okay. Uh it was like it was like 1975. So think about that. That's good. About that, though. It that'd be good. Yeah, that's good. But w, but the poor women, they had to wait longer than the civil rights movement plus 40 years before being allowed to join this place.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:41

You are kidding me. You can't force progress. It just has to happen, okay?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:47

Oh man, it's crazy. But then you start to think about, right? We're in Georgia. We call this we call this the masters. I wonder why. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:58

Uh I think you're making a connection there. Uh, but I don't know. So can I let's just say, I think uh obviously 1975 is not good, right? For for letting in black people, but um at least it fucking happened. Not good. It's good that it happened, not good beforehand. Not a good look, Augusta National. Um the women thing, uh, here's my can I just can I do this real quick?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:40

I would love you to try.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:42

All right, let me be let me be let me let me be offensive real fast. If this private club doesn't want women, should they be forced to have them? Shouldn't they be like, hey, it's 2012. It's about time, guys. All right, let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:04

Um I mean, I don't think forced is the right word. It's it's like so what I read about it is like there there was there was no rule saying women can't join. They just wouldn't allow them, right? Yeah, so there was a rule. Yeah, yeah, but it wasn't like a written rule. Um, and so what they tried to do was write rules like, well, you have to have X amount of income, right? You have to have X amount of status within like a certain circle or whatever. Yeah, but then they were like the longer it went on, more and more women did well have this money, I have this circle. What's the problem? And they really didn't have an answer until 2012. They ended up getting really pressured into it. Um I was reading something too. There was something about um in like 2005 and 6 during the Masters broadcast, all of the sponsors dropped out, and so there was a huge financial which is a massive deal, is the largest um like golf event ever in the like in the year, right? Right. Uh so there's a there's a ton, and golf in general takes like six to seven hours. So when you were watching it, the the ad space is like really important, all those commercials. Um, so they lost out on a ton of that money. And so Augusta National was then like, well, we we're gonna have to do something about them. But that wasn't really the only reason. All right. Like a pressure of protests.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:36

Because people are like, oh, we're mad. We're not letting in the women. But can I just say like the women's only gym down the road won't let me in? They're allowed to do it. I'm just saying it's private. Have your rules.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:55

No, I mean there are men's only like clubs, right? Like the Elks Lodge or like I don't know if that the Elks Lodge is actually one of those, but like there are men's only like things. And that's and that's fine. The problem is when it's a place that's that like famous and has that much notoriety, and all of the like I don't know, you're just having women at the course, but none of them are allowed to play, it's just like really weird.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:22

I don't know. Golf is dumb anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:28

Agree to disagree. Actually, no, I full on agree. Every single week I'm like, this is fucking dumb. I suck at it. I've been playing for 30 years, and every every week I'm like, this is dumb. I'm not doing this anymore. I'll see you next week. Yeah, my mom could probably kick your ass in golf. I guarantee she could.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:46

My mom's a good golfer. Yeah, is that right? Yeah, she's a good golf, she's better than my dad. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I don't golf, so I don't get it. I played Tory Pines once when I was in San Diego. Tory pines? Yes. Because we it was free for a great course. Oh, like we we could just go in, it was free for us, and I just got shit-faced and like was like, this is so stupid, guys. I can't even hit the ball.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:15

Yeah, yeah, so that definitely not a thing you could just like pick up one day. Like, you could just go outside and throw a football around or play like a little silly game of football out in the yard. You can't just do that with golf.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:29

Why don't they have like mini golf on TV? That's what they should do.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:36

I'd watch that. Um, yeah, this is a good point. Because there's like super serious mini golf leagues. Oh, is there? Yeah, it's really popular in like Norway or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:51

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:52

Um, man, I gotta tell you, I've reached the age where I'm just like I want to be on a bowling team so bad.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:03

Oh, I'm on one, dude. It is fucking best. And our league is great. So the problem with most bowling leagues, at least around here, they're 37 weeks long. And that's too much. That's too much. It's two-thirds of the year. So we can't. And so the league that we're in is a doubles league. It's only 14 weeks, and it goes right from like NFL playoffs up until two weeks ago. Perfect. Because now it's gonna be the summer. We're gonna go on vacation next week. We're gonna we're gonna, you know, when we come back from vacation, it's gonna be full on summer here. I don't want to have to go bowling on like a Thursday night. I want to do other shit. Perfect. It is the best.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:51

Uh, I envy you, man. Well, yeah, when um that was one of my things when we were talking about Buffalo. Um, maybe possibly moving up there. Um, yeah. I even said uh to Paige, I'm like, if we go, I could probably be in a bowling team with Jeff, maybe. Like, we could make that happen. Like, good. I was like, this is one of my dreams. And she's like, Oh god, bowling.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:22

She's like, what about our home and our careers?

SPEAKER_02 1:26:25

No, bowling, bowling, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:28

The dude abides. Oh man, I think it's I need to watch that movie because you've been saying so many references for the Big Lebowski. Uh, I gotta watch it again.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:40

Oh, yeah. I was I'm so glad you said again for a second there. I thought you've never seen it. Oh, I just watched it two weeks ago with my buddy Jake. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:49

I got I gotta I have to rewatch it. I haven't watched it in a couple of years. Um did uh have you seen um what's the movie? Is it Kingpin? Kingpin, yeah, of course. The bully movie? What are you doing? Yeah, have you seen that? Yeah, oh yeah. That movie is hilarious, too. I love that movie. That movie's a good movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:11

Yeah. I I it's a lot different, right? The tone is a lot different. I love the fact that he's like an Amish that's really good at bowling, that's a hilarious concept. Um, um, but there's something about John Goodman in The Big Lebowski. Where uh I try to tell people this like it's not written in the script that he goes from like zero to a thousand like immediately. That is John Goodman understanding that the character that he's building and choosing to get to that level that quick, which is why it's so funny.

unknown 1:27:47

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:47

Yeah, it's hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:50

Um you know what other movie I want to watch that uh that I've been quoting a lot at work? Um Conads.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:00

Oh my god, I haven't seen cone heads in years. Do you want some gun? That's some gun. Do you want some gun?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:15

Such a good movie. Loved it.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:20

We did it again.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:23

We did it again, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:25

If you've got anything, if you've got anything earth-shattering, you've got under two minutes to let us know.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:33

Only thing I want to say, anybody that might see this, if you're in the Buffalo area, on May 3rd, it's a Sunday. Uh we're performing in a show, um, a charity event for Rock Autism. Come out to the Sportsman Tavern, downtown Buffalo. Come check that out. Doors are 3 p.m. Um, and all the proceeds go to the foundation. So everyone's at best is back, baby. We're back.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:01

Yeah, fucking do it. Just go.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:05

Just go.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:06

Or we'll find I did it again. I did it again. Uh so I posted that clip real quick. I posted that clip on Instagram, and my buddy from the Marine Corps, he was like, wedding crack crashers, fucking classic. And I was like, holy shit, you caught that from just we'll find you. Yeah. It's iconic. Yeah, nice job. Well done. Yeah. Hopefully you watch the podcast and not just social media. No, nobody's nobody's watching the podcast. Um, no, and nobody's looking at the social media either.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:49

Yeah, not even if there's a fire.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:52

Uh no, there's no fire. Okay, we gotta go. All right, bye. Thanks, everyone. Woogie boogie.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:02

Woogie boogie