EP014 | Why Aliens Refuse to Talk to Us

In this episode, Erik and Jeff are running on three hours of sleep and still somehow decide they’re qualified to talk about aliens, LeBron James, aquarium fish, penguin parades, and why every smoke alarm chooses violence at 3 a.m.

We cover modern NBA softness, Angel Reese, WNBA money complaints, Buffalo playoff rage, Area 51, Bob Lazar, Ancient Aliens, QR code restaurant menus, parking lot mask people, and the deeply suspicious world of grocery store rotisserie chickens.

As always, strong opinions, bad research, unnecessary arguments, and absolutely no credentials.

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Welcome to Two Guys No Credentials. We're two completely unqualified people talk about nothing.

SPEAKER_05 0:05

And everything. Like we know what we're doing. Spoiler, we don't. Yeah, dude. I am running on three hours of sleep. And that's like a generous guess.

SPEAKER_06 0:16

Three hours? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_05 0:18

I just can't fall asleep sometimes. Like my body just won't let me relax. And so I just couldn't like fall asleep. And by the time I finally nodded off, it was like what 3 30 in the morning. I was at work at 6 30.

SPEAKER_06 0:37

It's time to start taking some opiates.

SPEAKER_05 0:41

Yeah, I was thinking like black tower heroin. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_06 0:45

That's what I get now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:48

It is to get now, especially. Yeah, because like, you know, still streaming up the border and shit.

SPEAKER_06 0:54

Oh. I thought all those tariff tariffs on Canada were were gonna fix the fentanyl problem.

SPEAKER_05 1:02

No, that's maple syrup heroin. Very different heroin.

SPEAKER_06 1:05

Maple syrup. That sounds good.

SPEAKER_05 1:08

That heroin is delicious. Yeah. I've never had it, but wow. Yeah. Like crack rock poutine? Delicious.

SPEAKER_07 1:17

Crack rock poutine?

SPEAKER_05 1:20

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That sounds really good. I know it's spicy stuff. Um, I do have a quick opening story for you. Opening story?

unknown 1:30

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 1:31

Yeah. I I I made myself a little note for our, you know, we just kind of chat when we start, but I wanted to make sure I talked about this. So last Thursday I went to the aquarium.

SPEAKER_07 1:40

Wow. Did you go on a field trip?

SPEAKER_05 1:43

Was it a field trip with the school? Um I it was not a field trip. I didn't have my permission slip signed, so I was just there on my own accord. Um, so it turns out uh a friend of ours is the veterinarian at the aquarium, which is cool because she gets to work with like the penguins and the seals and stuff that are in there, which is a pretty cool thing. We also have this worked out with her uh since she's friends with you know some people at you know at work. If any of their seals or anything needs like a CT scan or an MRI, we have that equipment. They'll bring those animals to us, which is super cool. That is cool. Um, yeah. So we were there for a fundraiser uh just to kind of help support our friend and you know, be there. And then the updates they made to the facility over the years, I haven't been there since I was a kid, beautiful in there. And so they you know put on a show for us, like they do the little the seal show, which was amazing. Those seals are super funny and like they're flipping through the air and doing all sorts of tricks and you know to music choreographed. And it was like it was like four or thirty minutes long. They had this like super long routine with three seals, and I was just very impressed by the whole thing. But it did get me thinking, you know how they get the seals to do everything?

SPEAKER_07 2:56

You gotta tell me they feed them fish. We're we're at an aquarium.

SPEAKER_05 3:09

Right? Like how shitty like how shitty of a fish do you have to be to be the thing that feeds the cooler animals at the same facility? It's gotta be like a sardine or something. What sardines aren't cool? They're not fish?

SPEAKER_07 3:39

No.

SPEAKER_06 3:40

I mean they're fish.

SPEAKER_05 3:41

They're not fish. They're they're fish, but they're not that that cool. Could you imagine being that fish and knowing that your destiny at best is to feed seal?

SPEAKER_06 3:53

Just to be like, yes, I'm going to the I'm going to the aquarium. I don't have to worry about anything anymore, no predators, nothing. It's gonna be like a vacation the rest of my life. It's like, you know, like people they retire, they move to Florida. That's what I'm for fish. And then they're like, fuck.

SPEAKER_05 4:16

Not not this fish. Yeah, no, this fish is like Compton in the 90s.

SPEAKER_07 4:29

Um like are uh do you feel bad for them?

SPEAKER_05 4:34

Um no, and here's why. Uh I you know me, I I go fishing a lot, right? I'm an angler or whatever. Like, I do I think it's super fun. It's a great way to pass the time, especially with the amazing lakes that we have here. Um but I do like I do feel bad if I catch a fish and um you know it like it's thrashes around and it gets cut, it cuts itself in the gills. The likelihood that fish is going to survive is low. And if it's not uh at a a size legally um that I can keep that fish and like use it for food, I do genuinely feel bad about that. So again, look since these fish are used for food, I I guess I don't fully mind that. If if if it's nutrient giving, I don't think I mind.

SPEAKER_06 5:17

I know you were so green.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

But if they were but if they were just taking these fish and just like slapping them against the wall for fun, like I'd have a problem with that.

SPEAKER_06 5:28

You would hate Wednesday nights at my house. That's a good story. Um man, I have never thought about that. But um, have you seen the boys?

SPEAKER_05 5:46

Um, yeah, I just finished the last season.

SPEAKER_06 5:49

Oh, I haven't finished the season, so don't spoil it. Uh no spoilers. I'm re-watching right now. Um but my favorite part of any episode is when Deep is talking to sea life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:06

Like when like when he was hooking up with the octopus or whatever.

SPEAKER_06 6:10

Yeah. No, he's like, he's sitting down with the therapist or whatever, and he's like, it started when I was like eight. I'm walking through the mall and the pet store and the goldfish, they're just begging for their lives. Exactly like that. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_04 6:29

Oh, but yeah, when he was you know what you hooking up.

SPEAKER_05 6:33

You know what's interesting? It in that show, they never once did a scene with him in an aquarium. I think that's gold.

SPEAKER_06 6:40

No, they they they did a scene with him um robbing an aquarium. He stole a dolphin. I guess that's true. He stole the dolphin from the aquarium, and the dolphin is while he's like driving to get away, like the people from the grocery store. Um, they uh the dolphin's like asking him to like be in a relationship with him, and he's like, dude, you're making this really weird. And then he Yes.

SPEAKER_05 7:08

That was like season one, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_06 7:10

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a long time ago. I know. In uh streaming years, it's like 12.

SPEAKER_05 7:19

Yeah, streaming years are like what six and a half years?

SPEAKER_06 7:23

Yeah, to get through three seasons.

SPEAKER_05 7:26

Yeah, yeah. I think that's about right. So similar to dog years, but not quite.

SPEAKER_06 7:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 7:33

It's like a it's like a goldfish banging for its life.

SPEAKER_05 7:37

I but it's so funny. We're we're sitting there watching the seal show, and I can't help myself. I turn to my friends, I'm like, they're feeding them other fish from this facility. They just forget to clean the tank, they all go belly up. Well, feed them to the seals.

SPEAKER_06 7:55

Oh man, you're giving PETA so much ammunition right now. Those losers are not watching this. You know what? One of my favorite things to do is I used to do this every day almost. PETA would put some nonsense out about I don't know, like, don't eat meat, and I would just troll them. Like, just and it was one of my favorite things to do was just to point out how like you're a real organization that could do some good in the world, and you choose to be just nonsense. That's the that that's the only thing I could you're just nonsense. That's it.

SPEAKER_05 8:44

That all is yeah, yeah, it's nonsense because they're trying to get you in a gotcha moment, and the the effort is the the effort is so intense that it's disingenuous because the the effort is spent on not like animal welfare and safety, it's about getting these people in trouble. And it's like the intent isn't pure.

SPEAKER_06 9:07

Yeah, I just uh can't stand it. Uh so that used to be like a pastime of mine. I don't do it anymore, but I used to troll them pretty hard. I love it, I think it's great. Um, I had a I had a story, but oh I'm now we're talking aquariums. Um well when I was in Japan, I decided to visit an aquarium there. And in Japan, they don't really respect animals like we do here in America. Um so like they'll have like three seals in the tiniest thing, so all they could do is like is a circle all day, um, and they have a little thing they can sit on, and only one of them can fit at a time. It's really it's probably one of the saddest choices I've ever made because you're just walking around feeling bad for them rather than wow, look at the seals. Um but there's there's an announcement, there's gonna be a penguin parade, and we're like, oh my god, a penguin parade! Like, yes, let's do this. So they line us all up, they tell us not to touch the penguins. Um, and like they're playing music and they're like, get ready for the penguin parade, and they do like a little drum roll, probably, and they open the door, and it's just one penguin just and that like all of us, the Americans, you know, we're expecting something huge. We're like, what the fuck? Like looking back at each other, what is this? The Japanese people were going nuts for the for this one penguin.

SPEAKER_05 11:00

Wait a second. How how many individuals, how many individual souls does it take to be a parade? It has to at least be more than one. Twelve.

SPEAKER_06 11:14

A dozen? That's that's that's what I say. That's gotta be that's that's I I I I think it's I think I think six. I think it has to be at least six.

SPEAKER_05 11:26

Six? No, that's just a group of people that you want to avoid. Yeah, well, one is just in transit. You're just walking.

SPEAKER_06 11:34

Yeah, well, by the state of the aquarium, the other penguins probably died.

SPEAKER_05 11:39

Wow, yeah, that's probably true. R.I.P. penguins.

SPEAKER_06 11:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:43

Five penguins. Sorry. That's that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_06 11:47

I mean, it must make you feel better. Not they're no longer eating the uh fish.

SPEAKER_05 11:53

Yeah, and I guess in a lot of ways, like the the sushi the sushi bar in Japan is not that far off from being an aquarium. Probably where they get it.

SPEAKER_06 12:02

No, the sushi bar is awesome. Yeah, that sounds great. The nice sushi places, you go, you sit down at the um the bar, and there's tanks in the back of them, and they'll be like grabbing fish out of them and like preparing them.

SPEAKER_05 12:16

Hell yeah. That is the freshness experience that I like. I hope they fillet them humanely, but I know that they don't.

SPEAKER_07 12:26

No idea.

SPEAKER_06 12:27

I just know I I probably had worms at some point.

SPEAKER_05 12:33

It's not the worst thing you've ever had.

SPEAKER_06 12:38

Alright, moving on. Not gonna talk about my torn urethra. Uh oh, this is a big one. Um my god, this is great. Are you ready for this? I I don't think I am for some current events? He hit me with it. Oh my god, you wrote this. I was going to write this, and I saw you wrote it, but I updated it because the Lakers got swept last night. Goodbye, LeBron James. Just throw him down.

SPEAKER_07 13:22

Go away.

SPEAKER_06 13:24

I'm so it makes me so happy. That guy's a nice one.

SPEAKER_05 13:27

Yeah. Dude, LeBron James sucks. I mean, he sucks. As a person, he sucks. I don't even know. I don't know that that's true, but he seems like he sucks. Like, you need to retire from professional sports by the time your balding spot becomes completely bald. That should be a rule.

SPEAKER_07 13:49

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_06 13:51

You get one hair, you get one hair transplant, and that's it. That's it. When it runs out, you gotta be gone.

SPEAKER_05 14:02

But well, I not to rehash this, but the whole sport is just so soft anyway. If I need to watch, if I need to watch LeBron James, one of the greatest ever, flop all over the court and whine like a fucking baby. I just I can't do it. Have you ever seen Michael Jordan do that?

SPEAKER_06 14:26

Uh he's probably flopped once or twice.

SPEAKER_05 14:29

Once or twice, yeah, because you're trying to get a call. It's a close game, right? Someone hits you in the face, you might give it a little reaction. But you've ever have you ever seen him rolling on the floor wincing, trying to sell it for an absolutely like nothing collision.

SPEAKER_06 14:45

Yeah, all the time. He does it every game.

SPEAKER_07 14:48

He's such a baby. He's the worst. And that's and that's why he's not the goat. He's not tough. Maybe physically sure. Mentally, not tough. Soft.

SPEAKER_05 15:06

This is when when we talk about sports too, and you talk about who the greatest is, the longevity matters. Like the length of time matters. Is Frank Gore really a top three running back of all time? No. No. But he's top three in yards because he played for 400 years. That matters. You know, right. So, like the fact that LeBron's gotten up so far in in scoring means zero to me because I like take just his prime and compare that to anybody else, like Kobe, like Jordan, and it's it's kind of no contest.

SPEAKER_06 15:44

Yeah, I agree. This is I think this is the fourth time LeBron's been swept. Um, but I mean, you've been doing this so long, you're just patting your stats at this point. Uh yeah, you're gonna break all the records, and I I don't understand why anybody gives a shit. One, and two, I would be impressed, like, oh wow, he's been playing for 20 years if he wasn't skipping games and doing load management. Get out of my face.

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Yeah, that like that that phrase doesn't even make sense in any other sport, aside from maybe uh the goalie in hockey. That is such a demanding position that they want to play every game, but their coach is who pulls them out of games or starts a different goalie just to be mindful of their load management. They don't pull themselves out. Those little pussy bitches, they do.

SPEAKER_07 16:40

Same with baseball, the pitchers. Right? Don't they do that with the pitchers? Correct.

SPEAKER_05 16:46

Yeah, yeah. There's a pitch count they keep because like if you if a pitcher went out there and pitched every game for a season, their whole arm would just disintegrate. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_06 16:58

I don't know. Uh LeBron James, I think 10 years ago, was in my top five. I don't think he's in my top 10 anymore.

SPEAKER_05 17:06

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_06 17:08

Yeah, I don't think I don't I don't think he does deserves it.

SPEAKER_05 17:12

We're gonna have to circle back to this because I would be really interested to know your top ten.

SPEAKER_06 17:17

Oh, yeah, let's we should do that one day.

SPEAKER_05 17:20

Yeah. Look, maybe next, maybe next week. Let's start off with our uh cold open. Let's do your top 10. All right, I love that. Um do you want you go? Go ahead. Yeah, okay. Speaking of stat, yeah, speaking of professional stat patterns, Angel Reese. What a pathetic loser.

SPEAKER_06 17:44

I know. She's never met a rebound, she didn't want to rebound again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:52

So I kind of have two things on this. The first thing I will say quickly, one of my favorite things on social media right now are these two guys. I forget what sporting what betting app that they are a part of. Um, they just put like live streams online of only Angel Reese's first shot because they'll put like 10 to 15 grand on her missing her first shot, and it's it basically never misses. Never misses. That's amazing. It is so funny because you know it's gonna happen. You already know she's gonna miss her first shot. And I gotta be honest, she hogs the ball anyway. I gotta be honest though, it can't be paying out much anymore. When you put 10, 15 grand on it, you can like double it. Yeah, I guess you're right. So if you put five bucks on it, you mean you win 10, no big deal.

SPEAKER_07 18:46

Yeah, you're right. All right.

SPEAKER_05 18:48

That's a great bet to take because it's because it's going to hit. Right. I gotta get on Calci. Um, but the real reason I want to talk about Angel Reese is like re this has been like brewing, and she's been saying it more and more, but like I just keep seeing it pop up where she's talking about how she can't afford her $8,000 a month apartment on $74,000 salary.

SPEAKER_06 19:15

Yeah, me either.

SPEAKER_05 19:17

Yeah. I like, yeah, we know that because that's stupid that you do that. She's like, she thinks that she is the best basketball player in the world. She was asked that point blank, and her response was, and I quote, the media or me? Like, who's the media think, or who is I who I think is the the best in the world? And she said, I think I'm the best in the world. Big missed every single shot.

SPEAKER_06 19:46

I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna give her a little slack on this though. I expect any superstar is a strong word when we're talking about Angel Reese, but I expect any superstar to say, I'm the best in the world. I do expect that.

SPEAKER_05 20:05

I can agree to an extent, right? I can agree to an extent, but I think you are seeing a shift in sports. Like Josh Allen, I we would both agree as a superstar. He would absolutely never say that.

SPEAKER_06 20:20

I think there's a little difference. I think there's a a I think there's a big difference actually between uh quarterbacks in the NFL and basketball players. I do I think there's such a like a huge respect among the quarterback community. Um and in the right together, where um you you it's like a fraternity. Like you we don't disrespect um you know our fellow quarterbacks. So I I feel like that that's something that nobody should ever do. And I think that's what happened to um what Deion Sanders' kid when he like disrespected a couple of teams, and that's why nobody wanted him. Like, oh, you don't respect this sport, you don't respect those who came before you, you don't respect these organizations that have been around a long time and have been winners, and you know uh we don't want you.

SPEAKER_05 21:19

So I really like this point. I think that means something. I really like this point, and I guess basketball, it is kind of a unique sport in that it's so individualized anyway. Like your individual contributions kind of matter more in that sport than maybe some other sports, maybe hockey is a ri in that air area as well. Um, but still, like the lack of insight to know that you're terrible, objectively terrible at basketball. And you think you're the best in the world, it's kind of a joke, right? That would be like the third string running back. For the Bengals saying, Oh, I'm the best running back in the league. Bitch, you're not even like, are you even in the league? Like, like that's that's Angel Reese. But she's complaining about this because she thinks that that M WNBA players are underpaid, which is a crazy concept to say out loud. Like, they are not underpaid. And this might be controversial. This has nothing to do with like gender inequality. This has everything to do with how much money you make your business. Simple as that. They make zero dollars. The year they only lose money every year.

SPEAKER_04 22:46

The fact that you get paid anything means they're taking money away from the NBA to give it to you.

SPEAKER_05 22:53

And like no shade, right? Like, like it's it's it's growing. Uh, Caitlin Clark has a lot to do with that. I think that's great. I I think it's good for young females to have these kinds of well, to not not Angel Reese, but to have a role model like a Caitlin Clark or your other WNBA players who are not named Angel Reese. Um, those are great role models, aside from Angel Reese. I cannot make that clear enough.

SPEAKER_06 23:18

Well, here my thing is is I feel like um she is part of the generation um that they're like, Well, I'm on I'm on TV and people are watching me and I have fans, so um, I should be rich. I should have the nice things, I should drive the nice cars, you should hand me things because like I'm famous, and it's like, yeah, you're famous for doing something that makes no money. Yeah. Like, yeah. Like, I'm on the internet, I don't make any money from it.

SPEAKER_05 23:56

Yeah, there's that lady that goes around doing halftime shows spinning plates. That went viral for a minute. She ain't famous. I don't even know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_04 24:06

It doesn't even matter. That's the whole point.

SPEAKER_07 24:12

I don't even know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_05 24:14

Yeah, neither does Angel Reese. That is what I'm saying. Yeah, I agree with that. It's whole thing. It's just it's but it's it's annoying because she what she is, she doesn't realize that that rhetoric is preventing the sport from growing. Like her snapping back at reporters, her like horrible takes on like the WNBA, her talking shit, going out there and trying to fight Caitlin Clark, which is the only reason that any the WA has made uh WNBA has made any money in the last 25-30 years. Like, don't do that if she was like supportive of all of the WNBA players, if she was maybe a little bit humble because like objectively, you blow at this thing you get paid for. Um maybe you get more brand deals. Maybe, and then maybe you could afford your eight thousand dollar apartment, but why did you get an eight thousand dollar a month apartment?

SPEAKER_04 25:21

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_06 25:23

Right, because these people are idiots. Like you have a job, you get paid to do your job, and your salary is based upon how much money you make. Now they can't pay them negative dollars or food from the concession stands, so they gotta pay them something because people would be up in arms, plus they wouldn't pay, or they wouldn't play. Um, but like this is what you get paid.

SPEAKER_07 25:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:51

Fuck. I would love to just stroll around in like with Gucci bags and Louis Baton shoes, but I can't afford that stuff. So I go with Steve, I go with Steve Madden.

SPEAKER_05 26:08

You would look great with um uh a little Gucci crossbody.

SPEAKER_07 26:15

I know I know I would.

SPEAKER_05 26:16

Yeah. All right, so anyway, Caitlin Clark, what a dumb bitch.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

Caitlin Clark, no, Angel Reese. Oh shit, no, Caitlin Clark's cool. Sorry, sorry for the slip up.

SPEAKER_06 26:31

I'm about to end the show right now because it can't get any better than that.

SPEAKER_05 26:38

Um, you can tell I'm not a fan of the sport, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:42

Um, so uh another update. Um, Hayden Panetary. I don't know. Do you know who that is?

SPEAKER_05 26:50

Yes, Hayden Penetiere, a little history of Disney Channel. Yeah, Disney Channel star like from a young age. Get when it got into more serious acting roles as she got older, out of the Disney thing now. Um, but I'm very excited to. I haven't heard this name in like a fucking decade. So I'm very excited to hear.

SPEAKER_06 27:07

Can you say that for me again?

SPEAKER_05 27:09

Uh Penettier.

SPEAKER_06 27:11

Penetiere. So she recently came out as bisexual. She's 36 years old, never seen with a woman before. Um, also, I don't think she's had a job in a while that anybody's seen either. So that might have something to do with it. But what is it with celebrities? Like, they're they hit like 35, and all of a sudden they're like, Yeah, I'm pansexual, asexual, whatever the fuck. Um, and I like donuts mushed on my face. What what is it? Like, are you not getting enough attention? I just want to know. Are you not getting enough attention? Are you not getting the roles that you want? Because I've got a I've got something that could help act better. The only thing she's a terrible actress. And don't get me wrong. She's a terrible actress. But don't get me wrong, Heroes was one of my favorite shows in the early 2000s. Good show. Um, or late 2000s, I don't know, the late 2000s. Um, I loved Heroes, and it was in my top 10 for a long time. It's dropped out of it now because the last couple of seasons really sucked. Um, but the only thing you got going for you is you're hot. You're you're a bad actress, and now you're like, ah, well, I'm bisexual. Like, great. Well, you're a woman, so I already assume all of you are bisexual anyway. Like, right?

SPEAKER_05 29:00

Can I point out the bigger issue? Sure. How slow of a newsday was it that Hayden Penettier being a bisex matters?

SPEAKER_06 29:11

It just popped up on the two guys' feed on Instagram, and I was like, oh, yeah, but like somebody reported it.

SPEAKER_05 29:19

I saw like a little thing on Instagram that there was like a whole interview.

SPEAKER_08 29:23

Like a company paid, the TV company paid for reporters to go to what I presume is her shitty home and like set up equipment, and there's like a fireplace, and there's like Harrier, and like the whole thing, the whole shebang.

SPEAKER_05 29:40

You're telling me we couldn't have talked about Iran, perhaps? No, Aiden Penithiers of Bisex. Let's bring that to page A1.

SPEAKER_06 29:49

Well, that's what happened. She was like, Hey, publicist, what can I do? And she's like, Well, you can you can come out as as trans. And she was like, Well, that's a little too far, don't you think? And well, if you're not that comfortable, maybe go with bi. Um, so the publicist called up some magazine and was like, Hey, my client, you might know her from the shitty show, Nashville. Um, she's coming out as bisexual. I don't know, do you want to do an interview? And that's how it happened.

SPEAKER_05 30:26

Yeah. And they're like, uh we got some interns send her to her house.

SPEAKER_06 30:31

Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what happened. It had, it had to. There's no, there's no way you could convince me something anything else different happened.

SPEAKER_05 30:41

Yeah, yeah. They're like, uh, we gotta do some Vrabel and Diana Roussini shit, so uh you guys can go to the hate of penitiers.

SPEAKER_07 30:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:51

Uh I didn't know she was uh didn't Disney something or other, though. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_05 30:57

Yeah, she was on um like Disney. I don't think she was on any like shows. I think she did like mo only the movies. Um, but like you you would expect you know, a child actor in those movies, you don't expect a lot of range. But as that person gets into their 20s, you expect some never developed. No.

SPEAKER_06 31:19

No. Um whatever. She made a good cheerleader in in Heroes, I guess.

SPEAKER_05 31:26

Yeah, here I completely forgot about Heroes. That's like the original of the boys.

SPEAKER_06 31:32

Yeah, kind of, but it was like it was mute mutants.

SPEAKER_05 31:36

Yes, they were mutants, and they were I think if I remember correctly, I didn't watch the whole series, but I I think if I remember correctly, they were mostly good. Like trying to do good.

SPEAKER_07 31:48

Yeah, I think most of them, except for um except for uh Spock.

SPEAKER_05 31:54

Well, there's gotta be one villain because otherwise what would the heroes do? Yeah, taxes?

SPEAKER_07 31:59

Taxes. Oh man. Taxes. That was so funny.

SPEAKER_06 32:19

I don't think I'm gonna recover from that.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

That was so good. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 32:28

Oh my god. I don't think I've gotten you this hard on the show before. That was so funny. Caitlin, give me a tissue. Fuck, I forgot. Oh we can't we can't afford interns. God damn it.

SPEAKER_05 32:44

Yeah, yeah, she's not there. Uh uh. All right, so uh we got one more. Just a quick this is a quick update because we've got to move on. Um Sabres are down, they're down bad right now against Montreal. And uh I just it's becoming frustrating. They lost in like pretty big fashion game the other night. They lost uh so the the the Tage Thompson gets back on the board. He scores a first goal in 53 seconds into the game. The first minute scores a goal. Awesome. We're like, okay, we're back, let's go. They don't score another goal, they're a whole game. And they lost by like 6-1. Bad very bad. Um kind of lazy, sloppy play. Uh the the Canadians, but it's Canadians, not Canadians, Canadians. They are very fast. And if they get like a break on it, they're it's automatic, like three on one coming the other way. Like the you can't really defend it. Um, so they gotta really start to play smart. But what I have a problem with specifically is the the game's getting real chippy. And like the two teams, they're they're like they're some fines were doled out from the game on uh Sunday night. Yeah, because you know, some scrums that we know and this is normal, but there's a lot of fist throwing, gloves on, fist throwing, and so there's some fines doled out. What I have a problem with though is when you're down 5'1 and there's five minutes left in the game, and somebody hits one of your star players, or in this case, like bulldozes your goalie, drop the fucking gloves and lay the fucking lumber. Set the tone. I was the like sometimes it happens, right? You just have a bad game and like the score gets away from you. I can live with that. I cannot live with you being a bunch of bitches. It was like the gloves were glued on. Drop the gloves and set the fucking tone.

SPEAKER_06 34:48

They're scared of the fines, man.

SPEAKER_05 34:51

Dude, is what the funniest part about this? This is Buffalo. If you if someone bulldozes our goalie and you beat their face in and get fined, we will pay your fine. We do it all the time. We do it all the time.

SPEAKER_07 35:08

Really?

SPEAKER_05 35:09

Oh, yeah. No, dozens of times where that's that's happened. Uh Ryan Miller, back in like 2009 or something like that, uh, got steamrolled by uh Lucich and the Boston uh uh Bruins. And like they didn't really do anything about it at that time. Like the team response wasn't great. But then when we played Boston again months later, Lucich did the exact same thing. And the entire team beat the shit out of this guy. Like it was bad. And it was, but it was awesome. And so some fines started getting doled out. Uh Buffalo fans just started donating uh and paying uh you know for their fine. They didn't they don't actually take the money, they pay their own fines, but they take all the money we donate and they give it to the chair, their charity, right? So, like that's what that's what this community does. That's why sports is so important here in Buffalo. There's so much pride in all of that. And I need, I know these guys are new to the playoffs, but my God, at some point, enough's enough. The game's over, it's out of reach, you're not winning. Beat their fucking face in. You got a bunch of small guys on the Canadians. A lot of a lot of small guys are very fast. Beat their face in, set a tone. Let them know.

SPEAKER_07 36:26

Yeah. Tell them. Tell them. Let them know.

SPEAKER_06 36:29

You gotta support them. Send them a letter or something, man.

SPEAKER_05 36:34

Yeah, man. So now uh is a game, what, tonight tonight? And it's it's they literally have to win this or it's gonna be a big problem.

SPEAKER_07 36:47

Do or die.

SPEAKER_06 36:48

I would like to make a correction though. Um, it's Canadians.

SPEAKER_05 36:54

So, very fun fact. Montreal Canadiens are the very first NHL team. Most people don't, a lot of people don't know this. Very first NHL team, 1917. They have been in the NHL. If they were if they were the first, who'd they play against? Well, so the year of the league was established before they started doing games. They were the first one in 1917. I just fucked up with you. And they the the reason it's spelled because it is spelled with an E, Canadians. And the reason is it's it's the uh uh French uh spelling of it, because they're really the Le Canadiens des Montreaux.

SPEAKER_06 37:33

Let's fix that right now. It's they're from Canadia, it's Canadians.

SPEAKER_05 37:41

Ugh. I mean, I don't mind it. It's very it's very hockey to say Canadiens. Canada Canadians.

SPEAKER_06 37:49

Alright, well uh enough of the current events. Uh we gotta get into some regrets, man.

SPEAKER_05 37:56

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_06 37:58

I don't have a regret. Um I have something that uh I'm really happy I did. Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 38:08

What's the opposite of regret? Pride? Caitlin. Fuck, she's still not here.

SPEAKER_06 38:27

Fucking interns. Um there's not there's really nobody here. I just I've just made up a name. Um so no one's coming with your bubble tea? No, no, no. Uh yeah, it's way over our budget of zero dollars. So if anything, we are minus money. Yeah, yeah, basically. We are in the red. Yeah. Um so um uh last week I went bowling for the first time in probably over a decade. And I had so much fun. Yes, so much fun. I've like I said, I've told you this a million times. I've reached the age where I feel like I shouldn't be on a bowling team. Um, we just had a blast. Um we played we played three games, I think. Uh my first game, I started off really slow, but I just kept on getting better and better and better and better. And um, everybody else just kept on getting beginner's luck. Um, but I threw a bunch of strikes, bunch of spares, um, had a good time, and I didn't have a drink.

SPEAKER_05 39:44

You didn't have a single drink?

SPEAKER_07 39:46

No.

SPEAKER_05 39:48

Well, then you weren't really bowling, gotta be honest with you, bud.

SPEAKER_07 39:51

I try not to drink as much.

SPEAKER_06 39:56

Why? I mean, I don't drink a lot anyway, um, but I'm really trying to limit how much I drink because I like uh I just don't feel good the next day.

SPEAKER_05 40:05

I mean, I totally understand it, man. You know, there's a I'm I'm gonna be reaching that point probably pretty soon. Maybe. Uh maybe I should probably cancel that wine subscription. Uh um, yeah, dude, bowling's bowling's awesome. So as you know, I I joined a bowling league with my brother um maybe four years ago, five years ago. And it's a blast. It's a doubles team, it's only like 14 weeks long, which is perfect because it goes right from like so my my whole like year calendar works in terms of sports, especially the Buffalo Bills. So it goes right from playoffs into the offseason. But like as soon as we're done with bowling, we go on vacation to Florida. Then when we come back, it's summer in Buffalo. So it's like this perfect way to just like have something to do in the dead of winter here. Um, I love it. I think it's so fun, man. We've gotten pretty good at it. Um, and like pretty by pretty good, I mean like my average like 150. But it's more about the people you're bowling with. Like guys in that league are absolutely awesome. Um, they're super nice. We all like help each other out and cheer each other on. You should get into a bowling league, dude. I know you and Eric. No, no, sorry. You and you're Eric. Yeah. I have three three hours of sleep. You and Chris. You and Chris, you can do a bowling league.

SPEAKER_06 41:29

I don't know if Chris would be down for that. But if I do Chris, I gotta do Kranz, too.

SPEAKER_05 41:34

Um, hard to find three-man bowling leagues. Probably easier time with doubles. But if you have one more friend, you can do a four guy. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_07 41:46

I don't know if I want one more friend.

SPEAKER_05 41:50

Well, you know what? Just make up a guy and then just mark him absent for every game. Yeah, Tim, Tim sucks.

SPEAKER_06 42:00

He's never here.

SPEAKER_05 42:02

Yeah, Tim's unreliable, dude.

SPEAKER_06 42:05

Uh but um that's my not regret for the week. That's my regret.

SPEAKER_05 42:11

I love it, dude. I love it, dude. I I love it. I always I always love it when you don't have a regret because it's like finding a Charizard in the wild. It's rare. It's rare.

SPEAKER_07 42:25

Very yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:27

Um, so yeah, the regret I I don't really have a regret either. This so this what I'm about to say is not really my regret, but now you remember I got re-rended about a month ago. Yes. Last week Sam got re-rended.

SPEAKER_07 42:44

Was it her fault?

SPEAKER_08 42:47

No, she was also at a red light, stopped. Trying to turn like a trying to make a right-hand turn, and somebody just like went up right up in there.

SPEAKER_06 42:57

What's going on with these drivers up there?

SPEAKER_05 43:00

So I the story as it was told to me is kind of funny. So, like, you know, I'm in Buffalo, so I'm a few minutes from Niagara Falls. But most people don't know that Niagara Falls is a very, very not nice place. Like the actual falls is nice, but like the city of Niagara Falls, total shit show. It's because of the mob. Some of it is because of that, actually, yes. Yeah, it kind of so um I don't know this to be a fact, but it's gotta be a record that the city of Niagara Falls went bankrupt twice.

SPEAKER_07 43:39

Nice.

SPEAKER_05 43:41

Crazy. So, you know, there's not a lot of like upstanding citizens that like live there. Sorry for anybody, you know what? I don't give a shit. Fuck all y'all.

SPEAKER_06 43:50

Uh the CEO of the CO CEO of uh Spirit Airlines lives there, though.

SPEAKER_05 43:56

Yeah, and I heard that's doing really well. Yeah, they went. Bankrupt twice, too. Yeah. Yeah, so there's this woman hits her. The woman gets out of the car screaming at Sam like she was the problem. She was just sitting at a red light. So there's this dude in the plaza, like at the corner there, and he runs down and he's like, I saw you hit her. And just starts jawing off at this woman. Sam's just standing there, like, what the is going on? Then this woman's like, shut the hell up.

SPEAKER_04 44:26

I have a bum leg. And the guy's like, then why the fuck are you driving?

SPEAKER_05 44:34

Which is a which is a fabulous question. Like it is in fairness. And uh the guy comes over to Sammy's like, I saw the whole thing. If you want my number, you let me know. And she goes, No, thank you.

SPEAKER_07 44:46

Yeah, no, no, thanks.

SPEAKER_06 44:49

What's a hell of a pickup line, though?

SPEAKER_05 44:52

Right? I said, Hey, I saw that bitcher and you. Let's get pizza.

SPEAKER_07 44:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:01

Let's go bowling. Yeah, it's uh um, but like, you know, I checked out her car and everything. Absolutely like zero damage. There might be a tiny like hairline scratch, but you know, the car's kind of old anyway. It could just have been from us putting stuff in and out of the trunk. Totally no big deal. She's completely fine, which is the most important thing. So we just kind of let it go.

SPEAKER_07 45:26

Alright. Sam's more of a gangster than you are. Nuh-uh. Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_06 45:40

Well, you know, maybe, you know, she was like, ah, this person has a bum light. She's just disabled. We're just gonna let it ride. I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_05 45:50

I I put the bitch that hit me in jail. I know, that's what I'm saying. She shouldn't have been standing there.

SPEAKER_06 46:02

Yeah, I guess so. Oh man. Um wow. This is a you know what though? I've been waiting to hear your thoughts on this next um topic for a while. We've been talking about talking about this for a long time.

SPEAKER_07 46:23

And um I guess my first question is for you aliens.

SPEAKER_06 46:31

Do you think they're real or you think they're made up?

SPEAKER_05 46:36

I think that unequivocally they have to be real. Real? Well, well, I I think without there is zero doubt in my mind that there are that there is intelligent life in the universe. Yeah. Yeah, all right. I'm on, I'm with you there. Um, now the as we know on Earth, the amount of advanced technology that you would have to have in order to make contact or reach any of these other things, like is like at least right now for us, not capable of doing it, right? You have to you would have to travel like um, you know, an exponent of the speed of light to be able to do that, and physically, molecules cannot do that. So, uh at least yet, maybe one day, but I don't know. I just there's definitely nothing in our solar system. I think I doubt there's anything in our galaxy, but there's also billions, if not trillions, of galaxies. Mathematically, it has to be real.

SPEAKER_06 47:52

You don't think there's intelligent life anywhere in our galaxy?

SPEAKER_05 47:57

No, no, not not necessarily. Let me rephrase. I think that there's definitely no life in our solar system. It's probably just a little bit more likely that there's life in our galaxy. Not like a ton, but like, you know, when you're talking about billions of stars, you know, that number gets huge. So when I say like there's not like as much of a likelihood, it's probably like still a lot, right? There's a lot of range there. And then out into the rest of the universe. Because I think people have a general misconception of how large the universe actually is, how large our our our only galaxy actually is.

SPEAKER_06 48:39

Oh well, I just don't think it's like it's really hard to comprehend. It definitely is. But so you don't think that aliens are visiting us?

SPEAKER_07 48:51

Um, I think that there's a possibility that there have okay, well, let's take a step back.

SPEAKER_05 49:01

Let's define alien, right?

SPEAKER_06 49:03

Um intelligent life from another planet outside of our solar system.

SPEAKER_05 49:13

I think that the likelihood that there is intelligent life that is that has been here or is here is probably pretty low. The reason I say that is like if you look at all of the animals in the animal kingdom, including insects, how many of them are humanoid?

SPEAKER_07 49:33

Like zero. No, there's a lot. I mean, aside from apes. Oh, the primates. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_05 49:43

Sure. There's a lot of primates, billions of other species of insects, of you know what I mean? Like, there's so much more things that are not humanoid out there. Right.

SPEAKER_06 49:56

Well, but if what if, you know, um on another planet, you know, um like an insect became like you know, capable of faster than light speed. So this is kind of what I'm getting at.

SPEAKER_05 50:17

Yeah, I think it's more possible that there might be intelligent life that is absolutely not humanoid. Because I think that's what most people think, right? But like there's these other people that kind of look like humans, you know, they have a head, two arms, two legs, long and skinny, big head, green alien thing. Most people have that image in their head. Um, I have to think that there's almost a zero percent chance, almost zero, that that is the case.

SPEAKER_07 50:44

Unless they engineered us with their DNA. Now here we go. Here we go.

SPEAKER_05 50:55

I think uh a case that no one considers is that we are an experiment of other life out there. They monitor us, you know, with satellites from very far away, perhaps other galaxies, if communication systems can do that. But who's to say? Who's to say that this entire planet with all the life on it isn't just a big terrari a terrarium? Yeah, yeah, because like you know, we we know the Big Bang Theory happened. We can see it with the Hubble Space Telescope. Not the Hubble, the other one. Um we can see it with the Hubble, I think. You can see it with the Hubble? Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Hubble, bubble, trouble, who gives a fuck? The uh the the You're thinking of the James Errol Jones telescope. Great telescope. Oh yeah.

unknown 51:58

Deep.

SPEAKER_05 52:00

It turns out it was just his glasses.

SPEAKER_06 52:04

Um why can't I remember the name? It's James something. James Webb.

SPEAKER_05 52:09

Yeah, can't the James Webb telescope, yes. Um, either way, right? Like we can see that that happened, but the rest of that is theory, right? The the rest of like you know, organisms and then evolution. It is technically theory. Trust me, I believe in the theory of evolution. But I don't know. Maybe there was a point, maybe there was a point where you know organic microorganisms were introduced to this planet and that that we are just the you know eon old experiment.

SPEAKER_06 52:41

So, all right, I'm gonna ask you a couple more questions, I think. Uh maybe just one. I don't know. We'll see where this goes. But what do you think people are seeing in the sky then?

SPEAKER_07 52:52

This is a fabulous question. Um I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 53:00

Because I I haven't I have a hard time. I have a hard time like really understanding, like when they say, Oh, yeah, they did you ever notice people that get abducted by the aliens are exclusively from the South? Um, no, that's not true.

SPEAKER_04 53:17

Yeah, they're always like, yeah, you came down and beamed me up to the sky and throw me up the butthole.

SPEAKER_06 53:26

Um uh one of the one of the most famous ones, I think, was um in Michigan. South Michigan, I bet. Yeah. Um in fact, uh I wish I could remember. Maybe it's Ohio. Um in fact, I wish I knew the facts here. Uh, but um the um the clothes that this couple were wearing is at the uh Ohio State University. And they they claim that there's DNA on the clothing that is not from this world. At least that's what's very interesting. That's what I've heard. So, all right, so we're not sure what they're seeing.

SPEAKER_05 54:16

Yeah, because it's hard, because like I get you hear a lot of descriptions, right? There's an orb or there's just a beam of light, or there's like a flash through the sky, and like, you know, it's hard to make heads or tails of of any of that without like video evidence or you know, without seeing it yourself. Um, do I think that they're completely lying? Absolutely not. I think that they are genuinely depicting a lot of them. There are definitely some fakes out there, right? But like a lot of them that can kind of almost be verified in a way are just depicting what they recollect that they saw.

SPEAKER_06 54:48

Well, Donald Trump just released a ton of UFO files um from the Pentagon and declassified them, so maybe we'll learn something, but I doubt it. I think there'll be more questions.

SPEAKER_07 55:00

Um yeah, uh this is hard.

SPEAKER_05 55:07

Because I think I think you have an administration that is historically one of the most unreliable with information putting this out there. So, like, what do I believe?

SPEAKER_06 55:19

I mean, I he's just declassifying a bunch of files, it's not hit like his information. Sure, but I'm gonna tell you one thing. If these aliens are um trafficking children or some part of some sex ring, they wouldn't have been declassified. So we can just we can say that right there.

SPEAKER_05 55:39

So that's definitely true, and then my mind goes right to well, why is this really out there? Because nothing else is going on in the world, and people are still asking about the FC file, so let's just like throw some bullshit footage uh out there of like a star in the sky, a star-lace looking ship. Who knows what the fuck it is? Like, I don't know. I just I don't I don't know if I buy it.

SPEAKER_06 56:00

All right. Um, I'm pretty into it. I want to believe that aliens are visiting us. Um that I want to believe that they're abducting people and doing experiments. Um of my favorite things is like the theories where they're actually living among us and um part of like the upper echelons of power, um, which I think is really cool to think about. Yeah. But also scary. Um, but I think that I think aliens are visiting us. Um I don't know why. I do know the reason why they haven't made any contact is because of the Winter Olympics.

SPEAKER_07 56:46

So just think about it. If you were from this planet.

SPEAKER_03 57:07

You know why it's funny? Because the Winter Olympics blow.

SPEAKER_06 57:19

That's where I'm going with this. Like, just think about you're not from this planet, you come here, it's during winter, and all these people are going to watch these shitty events and loving it, really into it. Yeah, just like these people have not evolved for us to make contact with them. Also, the like the the events make no sense. They'd be so confused. Like, why are these why are they shaving ice so a stone moves? What do they do? What are these idiots doing? But we gotta go. Carl, put it in gear.

SPEAKER_05 58:07

Well, I just think it's uh water Olympics sucks. It's like it's like most most of the events are like which Asian can flip through the air the best on a piece of wood.

SPEAKER_07 58:26

That's funny.

SPEAKER_06 58:29

Excuse me, that was funny. We're having way too much fun today.

SPEAKER_07 58:33

Um okay.

SPEAKER_05 58:38

Can I can I can I get do something else about aliens though?

SPEAKER_07 58:40

Yeah, yeah, go, go, go.

SPEAKER_05 58:42

Um, so I know what I know what I just said, okay. Um then I but then the problem that I have with even my own theory is like Area 51 absolutely exists. And like, what are they doing there? Why is it so secretive?

SPEAKER_07 59:00

Have you heard of Bob Lazar?

SPEAKER_05 59:04

Oh, I do know this name. Why do I know this name?

SPEAKER_06 59:06

Bob Lazar supposedly in the 80s worked at Area 51, and um they brought him down to check out the propulsion systems on this alien crap that was supposedly uh found like like at an archaeological dig, right? This thing was in the ground for thousands of years, and some wild shit happened with Bob Lazar. I can't remember if it was him cheating on his wife or his wife cheating on him, but like the people who were in charge of Area 51 found out about this cheating, and they were worried if Bob Lazar found out about it, that or if Bob Lazar got caught, I can't remember which, that he would go out go off the deep end and leak all this information. So um, somehow Lazar found out that they knew. So, what does this guy do? He gets a bunch of friends, brings them out to the desert to watch all these flying UFOs everywhere. Um, so he gets fired. He is really worried that uh whoever's in charge is gonna kill him. So he goes on TV and tells everybody about what's going on in Area 51.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:34

Love it.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:35

Yeah, and his story hasn't changed a bit.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:41

Love it.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:42

Yeah, Bob Lazar, man, he's a true hero.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:45

Yeah, that's what I just think. It's interesting, right? I don't know. I don't know how to feel about it. I definitely think that if the US government absolutely knows with 100% certainty that aliens are real and they are abducting U.S. citizens, it's unbelievably irresponsible to tell us that.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:05

Really? You think it's irresponsible? I think we need to know.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:09

No, you know why I say that? Because men in black, put it perfectly, and men in black fits your theory the best. So, like, aliens are here living amongst us. That's men in black. And Kay has a line there, he says, Um, you know, we want to keep everybody calm because a person is smart, right? One person is smart. People are panicky morons, and you know it. I think that if people knew that, there would be absolute chaos.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:42

I agree, but uh um I think I think we have a right to know if they're here abduct abducting people. Um and um but I don't know. I don't know. Like, there's no way they've they've like they're in contact with our government. There's just no way. I I can't, I'm mad. If this is if this is all real, there's no way it's happening. There's no way anybody could keep shut.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:12

You correct. And but that's what I go back to, that's why I flip-flop on this so much. Because then I'm like, okay, well, Area 51, if that's you know, if that's really what's going on there, people work there. There's no way. The amount of decades that I've been there, there hasn't been more than one whistleblower.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:27

No way.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:28

Yeah, I don't know. I we'll never know. Yeah. Um, we'll probably never really know.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:37

I like I I'm interested in this topic, but um I used to love watching ancient aliens.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:44

Me too. Until I until the pattern started repeating itself. Like, there's no evidence to say that aliens weren't there.

unknown 1:02:51

All right.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:54

I know. They it's like they they ran out of material, but they kept on recycling it. And it's like, alright, how many times are you gonna show me like these ancient ruins and give me like another like uh like a perspective on it? Like, I don't give a shit. Like, you already showed it, like it's impressive. Like, alright, can we move on?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:13

Yeah, there's also no evidence to say Chef Boy RD wasn't there, so like Chef Boy R D's an alien.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:21

Absolutely. There's no way that recipe is from Earth.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:30

Oh man.

unknown 1:03:32

All right.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:33

I think we've gone off the deep end today.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:34

Yeah, we did. Uh we also failed.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:38

Um failed this whole thing, I think. All right. Yeah. Yeah, let's move on to things I hate. Great.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:49

Um I've got two things I hate. I've got one that I'm adding. Um my first one is uh restaurants that uh make the menu a QR code. Um can you just have someone who I don't want to talk to please come over? Yeah. This is the social like contract. Like we all agree you go into a restaurant, somebody comes over, they mess up my order, and they bring me food I don't want, and then I eat it instead of complaining about it. Right? That is the agreement. I don't think that's true. That's the agreement. Why? What's up with what are we doing with the QR code? Like, this is just as bad as Family Style, where they give you little sheets and the pencil, and you're like, I want this, I want this, I want this, and you just hand like what like you want me to tip you, sir? I just did, I just did my own, like my own ordering. You're like the mailman, you're the mailman, you're just taking a message of mine to someplace else. Same thing with the QR code. What am I tipping you for? If you want a QR code, a robot better bring me my food.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:16

Yes, yes, period. Funny thing about this is a sushi restaurant over here in Buffalo. It's pretty well known. You go there, you order it off of the QR code, and literally a robot brings it to you.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:33

Perfect system. Bam, bam, yeah, that's fine. That's great. I want a robot, bring me my food.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:39

Yeah, you don't tip the robot, it doesn't know.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:42

Like, I don't think I really have to go into this at all anymore. Like, like, this is pretty self explanatory. Like, restaurants need to stop doing this, or they need to purchase a robot.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:53

Yeah, that it was those two choices. This is one of the worst byproducts that came out of the COVID thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:58

Oh, I know. Like, why are we still doing this? I, you know, not you brought up COVID and it just touched a nerve, but I saw somebody walking um through a parking lot today wearing a mask. I'm like, what are we doing here? What are you wearing a mask for? You're in a parking lot. Like, you shouldn't want to wear that mask. Like, if you're if you're protecting yourself, you should go into the store, protect yourself, wear your stupid fucking mask. But once you get out of there, you should want to rip that thing off your face. Just you like, I don't I don't want to wear this. So you have a point. I have to. You have a point on this with being outside. I'm sorry. Um, but it what what it says to me, you're wearing it through the parking lot because you want people to see how fucking good you are. That pisses me off.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:53

So you have a good point about wearing it outside. What I can tell you is all of Asian culture wear the wear masks, and it has absolutely nothing to do with protecting themselves.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:06

This is the goddamn United States of America.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:08

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:09

So this is an Asian culture, and I don't want to be an Asian culture.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:13

They don't I'm only I'm only expressing like the the intent behind it, right? And the intent of most Americans when they continue to wear a mask has zero to do with protecting themselves, has everything to do with like them being sick and not breathing it onto others.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:31

I'm calling it. I fully support that. I'm calling bullshit. If you're walking through the parking lot, it has nothing to do about protecting anybody else, and it's about to show you it's about showing the world how awesome you are. Look at how good I am. I'm being a good little leftist and wearing my mask.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:49

Go away. I I have I totally understand your point with being outside in the parking lot. That is strange to me. As I as you walk up to the store, flick it on right before you get to the door. That's fine. I would much rather somebody that's sick around me wear a mask and not breathe it into my fucking face than for some asshole to just be sneezing and you know, drooling and dribbling all over the fucking place. I never see anybody doing that. That is interesting to me. I see it all the time.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:22

Well, you do live in Buffalo. You live in Connecticut. Yeah, we don't get sick here.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:36

We get a different kind of sick up here. We get rickets. This is the nutmeg state. We don't get sick.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:43

Is that true? Really the nutmeg state?

SPEAKER_06 1:08:47

I I think. I think I I don't think I just made that up. It came it came to me really fast, so I'm pretty sure it's true, but I could be baking it all up. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:58

Yeah, we're the McCormick paprika state.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:04

There's no way paprika is your spice of choice in Buffalo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:11

What is our spice?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:13

Flour?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:17

Just raw flour.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:25

This is so funny. Um, but I I I get your point. I'm just saying, yeah, if you're walking through the parking lot, I think you're doing it. I think it's performative. I don't think you're doing it for anybody else but you. I could agree with this. Uh do you uh do you have a thing you hate today?

SPEAKER_04 1:09:44

I do.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:45

This is it's a very small one. Um, every once in a while, like every maybe eight months or so, all of the fire alarms in our home go off at the same time, and it's always at three in the morning.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:02

It's the aliens who've just been abducted.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:07

I can't tell you how off-putting it is to be not only awoken by a fire alarm at three in the morning, but also your dog thinking it's a fucking contest with who could be louder. That actually might make me feel a little bit better. It's very unbecoming.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:30

Uh well, you get two choices. All right, you can only pick one the smoke alarms or him being in the bed.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:50

Gimme the pee all day.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:51

All right.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:55

Oh man.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:57

I gotta be honest with you. That was a real Sophie's choice there for a moment.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:03

Oh man. What what a funny movie?

SPEAKER_09 1:11:12

Yeah, who what who was that? Jack Black? Jack Black?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:16

Uh yeah, Will Farrell. Uh yeah, Will Farrell. Yeah, Canadians. The Canadians. Uh but I don't know what the like have you called anybody? I just gotta ask. Have you been like, why does this happen, or do you know why it happens?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:34

It's so we are in a new development. So what what happens is every once in a while, the because the power grid is kind of newer here, it like surges. And they all go off.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:47

Really? That's what that's that's the thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:52

That was the explanation given to me. Um, it used to happen actually frequently too when I was working from home from my house. Um they would be putting in a new house and hooking up the electric in the middle of the day. Same thing would happen. It's weird. Oh, yeah, super annoying.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:10

Yeah, I don't like that. Honestly, I just take them out.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:16

Well, so what's really annoying about it too is it's not only that, but every once in a while you get the chirp. Now, all of ours are hardwired in. So the electricity's on, we're good. But yet if the battery dies, which I don't even know why it's a draining battery, it doesn't need it, it'll start chirping, and then I gotta put like an $8 battery in it.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:32

Oh well, batteries die. You know?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:36

Yeah, but it but they die when they're being drained of electricity.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:41

No, well, no, eventually that like all those those electrons or whatever, they stop moving. You know.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:51

See, yeah, you might be right about this. I don't know a lot about the uh different compartments or departments.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:58

I just know that like if you put take a brand new battery, you put it in a drawer, close that drawer, come back in the air, it's not gonna work as great. You gotta put it in the fridge, like my grandpa.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:11

Yeah, it's this is a lot, like I didn't realize how much uh batteries and Deshaun Watson have in common.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:24

Moving on.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:30

That was good. Deshaun Watson. Oh my god. Uh let's hope he doesn't hear last week's episode about the buy me drink me bars. Um, what my other my other one. Um and this dawned on me um uh like earlier today, like a couple hours ago, I went to the gas station to get myself a delicious vitamin water. And um there's a bunch of kids at the gas station hanging out, um, getting some snacks, I guess, after school. And it pisses me off because all three of them have electric bikes. They're electric bikes, like bikes not with a motor. Right? Like they're not like they're like not like motorcycles or dirt bikes or like small motorcycles for children. They're like electric bikes. They don't have to pedal if they don't want. And boy, it couldn't piss me off more unless all of these kids are dressed like how I dressed in the 90s when I like skateboarded. So there's it back, yeah. This one kid's wearing like Jinko jeans and a Nirvana shirt, and I just want to punch him in his face because like, yeah, Kirk Cobain would totally support your ass on a fucking electric bike, you dude. This is so true. But yeah, like he would turn that shotgun on that kid so fucking fast, you know, like or he would have killed himself. Like, if somebody went back, like like hey, Kirk, this is what's gonna happen in 30 years. If if like if you get famous, he would have killed himself right there. He wouldn't even have waited. You know, like shit. I like I'm too. Yeah, that could be right. Fuck, but holy shit, dude. I couldn't believe this kid. Man, YouTube's gonna censor us.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:43

Oh, without a doubt. You have to have but you have to have like viewership to lucky consider.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:49

So nothing to worry about maybe that'll fly under the radar. But I couldn't believe it. He's just like they're they're all wearing like you know, Wu-Tang shirts and Nirvana, Jenko jeans, but they've got electric bikes, not skateboards.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:03

That is wild to me. I mean, like, oh, there's something wrong with parents that you're not forcing your kid to get on a Huffy and have to toe your friend on the pegs uphill for like a mile right to the pizza place. You know what I mean? Oh my god, yes. It's a rite of passage.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:23

Oh, I couldn't believe it. That's uh my other thing I hate. Let's just let I should really stop talking for a little while. I this that that was a great one. That's a great thing to hate. I'm on board. I know, but I took it a little too far with the Kirk Cobain thing. Uh anyway, um, last sip. I don't have one, um, but I I I love yours.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:47

Okay. So I was in the grocery store recently, and like I was just, you know, just walking through aimlessly. I never noticed this before. But like, you know, I go and buy a chicken, and I have a friend right now that's like really into breaking down whole chickens, and like, you know, then he makes then he makes stock from it, and it's like all fresh.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:11

He's really into it right now.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:13

Yeah, it's a big deal. It sounds like a really smart idea because you buy the whole chicken for $14.99 and it's raw, and you just you know break it down, but you get all the different parts and everything. It seems like a good idea. But then I go over to the rotisserie chicken, and that bitch is like $6.99. It's half the price. How could this be possible? You buy a raw chicken for $14.99, but you can get another chicken that is cooked through, has been seasoned, somebody spent time arranging them in a big oven. There's a lot more labor involved. Then someone had to take that chicken and bag it and then place it in the thing. All of that costs money. How is it possibly half the price?

SPEAKER_08 1:17:58

What is going on? Why do how does this make any sense?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:05

Aliens.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:06

Am I taking crazy pills?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:08

Aliens.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:11

Is this a thing at Stu Leonards? What is it like am I wrong about this?

SPEAKER_06 1:18:15

I don't think Stu Leonards has um rotisserie chicken. Costco.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:20

Of course they don't, because Stu Leonards would never sell a chicken that cheap because it doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:26

Man, I'm gonna I don't know, I don't think so. But man, I love this so much, but I read it and I was like, yeah, what the fuck? But then you just explained, you just explain it and I I grew a brain. I know why. I know why. Yeah, why it's a draw to the store.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:57

Oh, it's a loss leader, you say?

SPEAKER_06 1:18:59

Yeah, just like the hot dogs from Costco are. Or the the the giant bag of fries you get from five guys by buying their $30 burgers.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:10

That suck. So so your claim is that they lose almost seven dollars per chicken.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:24

Because it brings people into the store.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:26

It's gotta be. That doesn't sound like a as a guy spent a lot of time in grocery retail, that doesn't sound like a sound investment.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:35

It's gotta be. Soccer mom practice ran late. What am I gonna feed the kids tonight? I know I'm gonna get a rotisserie chicken, but she's got all the fucking kids in the car, just gotta bring them in, annoy the shit out of me. Uh, and the kids are like, Mom, mom, look, the cinnamon toast crunch guy's looking at me in my eyes. Buy that fucking box of cereal. Mom, mom, mom, I want Twizzlers. That sort of thing. That's what's happening.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:04

Yeah, no, and I think that that makes perfect sense. I I I I get it. I don't know, by the way, I absolutely love the rotisserie chicken. Oh my god, give it to me somehow.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:14

The but uh someone just like brought this to my attention too. You take that rotisserie chicken.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:41

All right, go ahead.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:48

Get it together, pal. All right, go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:53

We're gonna edit this out. Um the you can take that rotisserie chicken, and like it never occurred to me before.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:01

You can still make stock. Get all them bones into a pot. Throw some carrots, shave some onion and celery up in that bitch. You can still do it.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:13

It's such a good idea.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:15

It is a great idea because you could do it for half the fucking price of buying a raw chicken and cooking it yourself.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:23

What have you looked at like pound for pound what they are? Are they the same size? I don't actually know.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:30

Well, uh I guess it depends where you go. So Wegmans is very staunch on this. They do not water pump their chickens to make them like look bigger, whereas like a topps friendly markets or perhaps a um like a Walmart does do that. Okay, I see.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:48

Man, you got me. Wow, you got me a couple times today.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:55

That's what happens when I'm on no sleep. I just start becoming incoherent, and then my intrusive thoughts come out.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:02

You know how I said I grow a brain? Yeah. Gone. Gone. Gone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:12

Um, wow. I have no idea. Well, do you have friends at the grocery store still, or no?

SPEAKER_05 1:22:19

You know what? Not as many as I used to, not really. You should just go up to like the chicken guy and be like, hey, is there something going on here?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:31

What's happening?

SPEAKER_05 1:22:33

This is a cur this is an episode of Curb. This is Larry David all the way. Walking up to some like random part-time employee and going, uh, what is this?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:42

Yeah, yeah. Uh let me ask you this question. What are you doing what are you doing here? I was thinking about that the other day. Like, if people I shouldn't be saying this, but whatever. Uh but it's a great way to start a silence.

unknown 1:22:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:59

Uh uh, but like, if people ever actually listen to this, it would be fun to take some of these stories and turn it into like a Larry David type cartoon.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:11

Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. You're absolutely right. Because I think we we, I mean, big the big Seinfeld uh fans that we are, I think we think in terms of Seinfeld sometimes.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:22

Yeah, I was watching Seinfeld today while I was making meatballs. Oh shit, you made your meatballs today, bro? Uh, it smells so good in here. Yeah.

unknown 1:23:31

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:34

I gotta make those again. It means it smells so good in here. It's incredible. They're good too.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:40

Yeah, we gotta we gotta do like a little recipe share day. I mean, there's gonna be zero that I'm gonna contribute to you. You're just gonna contribute to me. But uh, I have I still I have the little card still that I wrote to make uh your famous meatballs. I mean, they're fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:01

They are good. I'm very proud of my meatballs. Paige is proud too. She's always like, we gotta bring them into work. Hell yeah, dude. You make 40 of them.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:14

I think it's the amount of rigota that you add that is both a smart choice just to like as a binder, but then it also gives it this like velvetiness. Very lovely.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:27

Yeah, it's that, and um you gotta you saute the uh onion and garlic before you put it in the meat mixture.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:38

Yeah, very important. You gotta have that caramelized first, or else you get like too, it gets too crunchy, but it also adds a sweetness once they're caramelized.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:45

Beautiful. Yeah, it's just like this nice deep rich flavor. Yeah, I like it.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:49

Yeah, very lovely. Um while on the topic of food, we only got a couple minutes left. So it's my dad's birthday this week, and I uh nice happy birthday to dad. Yeah, Marty. Let's go. They um I invited the whole family over on set for this upcoming Saturday. I'm gonna make a nice linguini with clam. So I gotta I'm gonna try to perfect my sauce again. We talked about this. Yeah, I should perfect that sauce a little bit better, but I'm also starting with an appetizer. You're gonna lose your shit. Oh boy. I'm doing a perfectly seared scallop up top a bed of arugula and balsamic lace.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:35

Nice. I love I love a good scallop. You like scallops? I love scallops, yeah. Oh yeah, they're the best. I tried cooking them once. I messed it up.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:48

Are you doing oil or in butter?

SPEAKER_06 1:25:51

Uh I do man, I don't remember. Don't remember. But I've done it both ways. I overcooked them.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:02

And it's so easy to do. The window is so tight.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:06

I overcooked them on too low of a heat.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:12

Oof.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:13

Yeah, so it was like it was charred and like rubbery. I don't know. Like, I just didn't like it. It was uh no. Yeah, I messed it all up.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:24

Yeah, I mean the there it's one of the toughest like proteins to really cook. It it is really challenging. I I have the added benefit that with the stores I um ran a seafood department, so I got to learn a lot about this and like spend days like really learning how to cook those things so that I could teach customers how to do it. And so I'm lucked out, but man, it's it they're not easy. And I haven't done it in years, so like it's it's gonna be a challenge.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:49

I'm excited to hear about it.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:51

Yeah, I think it's gonna, I think it's gonna be nice, dude. I'm gonna I'll take some photos, I'll send them along to you.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:57

Um, can I ask you a question?

SPEAKER_06 1:27:00

Uh-huh. Your dad's name is uh Marty.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:04

Uh-huh. Right?

SPEAKER_06 1:27:05

Sure is. Has he ever gone to a Comic-Con or anything like that?

SPEAKER_07 1:27:12

No.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:12

Not that kind of nerd. He should. He should go see Michael J. Fox and like be like, could you uh sign it, sign it to Marty and see what he does?

SPEAKER_05 1:27:26

Marty McFly.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:29

Yeah. My Marty is more of a um, oh, let's learn about this obscure thing in history, kind of nerd.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:37

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:37

I like that too.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:39

Yeah, it's not bad. I went to a great guy.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:42

I went to Comic Con a comfortable.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:44

Decent golfer, very funny. No, yeah, it was just you know, Marty's a good dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:49

Yeah. He he liked he liked my steak. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:55

I mean, that was good though. Like he was not lying. Yeah. Was that was a fun time. That was a fun time. I still don't have dates, dude. When are you gonna come up and visit me in Buffalo?

SPEAKER_06 1:28:06

I know. I told her the other day, and I was like, what are we doing? Like you're scheduling all these things. Like, ugh, but nothing. But I I'm gonna tell you this again. I'm gonna tell her tonight and see what happens. But I I'm gonna I'm gonna do something different. I'm gonna be like, I'm texting him right now. Give me an answer. Or you're not getting any of these meatballs are going all in the trash.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:33

I was just gonna say find something that Paige really loves and get a fishing pole and dangle it out in front of her and like tell her you can't have this. Gotta be quicker than that.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:42

I was thinking the same thing. Um uh but uh I I just uh real quick, I went to a Comic Con a couple of years ago, and um Michael J. Fox was there signing autographs, and the autographs were priced like $250 to $450, which is ridiculous. Ridiculous. But also, what's the deal with the $250 to $450? Like, is it because is it like the like it's $250 if like the quality is not that good? Or like if he really gets it good, is it $450? That was bad. I'm sorry, Michael J. Fox.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:42

Yeah, but one of them is like one of them is Flay Tremor Michael, the other one's Earthquake Michael.

SPEAKER_06 1:29:47

Yeah, exactly. Uh Michael J. Fox, I apologize, but honestly, like you charging that much money for an autograph is criminal, and you deserve that joke.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:01

Uh but you haven't watched Curb enough to know uh him making fun of himself for having Parkinson's.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:07

Oh, of course he does. He's such a good sport, such a fun guy.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:11

So there's one of my favorite episodes of Curb where Larry sees him at a dinner party. Or he's no, he's out to dinner, he sees Michael J. Fox, and he like waves to Michael J. Fox and he shakes a little bit and then he walks away. And he's like, was that was that a rude shake, or is he just shaking? Because Michael J. Then he goes to New York City, Michael J. Foxx lives above him, and all he can hear is stomping around. He's like, Is that Parkinson's, or is he trying to annoy me on purpose? And he goes to his apartment to talk to him about it because he's and he's wearing these big clunky boots. He's like, Oh, sorry about that. I was just wearing these boots around the house. I didn't mean it. So he goes to grab Larry David a Coke out of the fridge and shake, you know, shakes the coke when giving it to him.

SPEAKER_09 1:30:58

It explodes all over him, and he's like, was that Parkinson's? Or did he shake it on purpose?

SPEAKER_05 1:31:04

Beautiful. But you can't have that good of a joke if Michael J. Fox isn't like right in there, a part of it. I think that's fantastic.

SPEAKER_06 1:31:14

Oh, that's so funny. That's hilarious. That reminds me of the opening to my sitcom.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:24

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:31:26

But my opening is uh I'm at a restaurant, and there's somebody across the restaurant that looks like Mark Hamill, and we know he's not Mark Hamill, but somebody's like, hey, go over there and it like like be like, oh Mark, I'm a big fan. And uh like I get a couple drinks in me, and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go do it, I'm gonna go do it. And I walk over there, I don't say anything, I turn around, I walk back, and they're like, why do you do it? I'm like, I can't do it. He's in a whale a wheelchair.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:01

Oh shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:04

Um I like it, I love it. That actually happened.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:13

Your life and my life are just different.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:18

Uh I know. It's trust me, dude. It's it's tough being me. Man. Oh man. It's just like awkwardness, anxiety, and self-loathing.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:34

And beard.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:36

Yeah, and a great beard. Oh my god. I laughed way too hard. We did it. We did another one. We did it. Another one in the books.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:46

Oh, sadly, we have to go. We must. Don't beg. We must. Thanks everybody for listening. Uh see you next week. Woogie boogie. Woogie boogie!