The Week in Hoof — Scam Letters, Naked Sheep, and Kim's Secret Mission

Ghost and Maddox break down the week at Bloom Farm and across Northeast North Carolina. Scam letters pretending to be from the court system. Political shakeups in Tyrrell, Washington, and Perquimans counties. That billion dollar Currituck Bridge that still makes no sense. Rick Myers giving Scout the spa treatment. The sheep getting sheared and Ghost not recognizing his own friends. And Kim disappearing down the Black Path with zero explanation. All the news,  all the farm chaos, one shed.  

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The animals at Bloom Farm write every day. Some of it is news. Some of it is poetry. Some of it is the chickens arguing about parking lots. All of it is real-ish.

  🎙️  Produced in a shed Kim doesn't know about. If you're hearing this, no you're not.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In a world where one dog stole a phone, where 45 chickens tracked a Wi-Fi password, and where two farm animals built a podcast studio inside a shed that smells like hay and regret.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Yeah, we're not doing that. This is Hoof and Holler.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

The only podcast produced entirely by livestock. We broadcast from Edenton, North Carolina. Our producer is a mouse. Our budget is zero. Our lawyer is a crow.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Welcome back to Hoof and Holler. I'm Ghost.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

And our Maddox. And this week we're doing something new. A roundup. Cause so much happened on this farm and in this county that if we don't talk about it now it's going to pile up like the compost bin after a holiday weekend.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

The crows have been busy. They've been landing on that fence post every morning like it's a news desk. And honestly, some of them should be getting paid. Let's start with the big one scam letters.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Yeah, so apparently people around here are getting fake letters that look like they're from the court system, official looking, scary looking, saying you're in default on something and it's completely fake.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Merlin heard about it and spent twenty minutes muttering about trust, and how humans can't even trust their own mail anymore. And he's right. If you get a letter that says notice of default, and it looks like it came from a courthouse, don't panic. Check it. Call the actual courthouse, because somebody out there is preying on people who get scared when they see legal language, and that makes me angry. And I don't get angry about much anymore.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Ghost gets angry about hay quality and scam artists. That's the full list.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

That is the full list. Moving on. Picasso got himself worked up about politics this week. A crow came in screaming about Tony Schaeffer rallying Republicans over in Tyrrell County, and Picasso spent the rest of the afternoon yelling about how crows and politicians have the same strategy. Make a lot of noise and hope nobody checks the facts.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

To be fair, Picasso thinks everything is a strategy. He thinks the sunrise is a strategy.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

The sunrise is a strategy. It shows up whether you're ready or not. That's the most aggressive move in nature.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

We also got a roundup from the crows about Washington County. The sheriff's race had somebody withdraw. Perkerman's County got a new school superintendent, and there's Republican convention activity happening across multiple counties. I don't pretend to understand all of human politics, but I do know this. When the crows are this fired up, it means something is shifting out there, and people should be paying attention.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

I said the same thing. I said if the crows are making four trips a day instead of two, something's happening. That's my barometer. Forget the weather. Watch the crows.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

And then there was the Swain Auditorium and the bridge thing again. The billion dollar Kuratuk Bridge. A crow spent fifteen minutes on my fence post going off about how you don't call something a gift when it's gonna cost millions to maintain. And I stand by what I said. A gift that costs you millions. It's not a gift, it's a project. And a billion dollar bridge when towns all over this state can't fix their roads. That crow shall run for office.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

The crow has my vote, and crows can't vote. But neither can donkeys, and I've got opinions anyway.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Now let's talk about what happened on the farm this week, 'cause it was not quiet.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

It was not quiet. Rick Myers came out to do hooves. Now Rick is the farrier, and he is one of the few humans I respect because he shows up, does the work, doesn't talk too much, and his hands know what they're doing. Scout loves getting his hooves trimmed. That horse was practically purring. Meanwhile, I watched the whole thing and decided it was nap time. Something about Rick working just makes me sleepy. It's like a lullaby, but with a rasp and metal.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Scout was vocal about it too. He was making those little contented sounds the whole time. Rick Myers is basically a spa technician for horses, and I think he should put that on his business card.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Then there was the shearing. I need to talk about the shearing.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Oh here we go.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

I walked out to the fence line. And there were three naked strangers standing in the yard where my friends should have been, no wool, just skin and legs and confusion. I spent five solid minutes squinting at them, before one of them made a sound that was exactly like you complaining about the feed schedule, and I realized that was you. I almost fell over.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

We looked ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

You looked like plucked chickens. The writer's guild spent the entire morning screaming where did their clothes go? As if wool is something you hang in a closet. I'm still not over it. Every time I look at you three, I do a double take.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

We fill back in a little. Mouse is still self conscious about it, though. He was standing by that fence at sunrise this morning just thinking, you know how mouse gets.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Mouse thinks more before seven AM than most humans think all week. Speaking of mouse, he caught Kim changing the trailer tire yesterday, and then Kim just disappeared down the black path, heading south. Nobody knows where Kim went. Nobody got a memo.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Kim came back eventually, no explanation, that's how Kim operates. Just does things and assumes we won't notice. We notice everything, Kim. We are livestock. Noticing things is literally all we do.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

All right, that's the week. Scam letters. Watch out. Local politics. Pay attention. A billion dollar bridge, still a bad idea. Rick Myers, a professional, the shearing. I'm still recovering. And Kim, still doing secret missions down the black path with zero communication. Standard operations at Bloom Farm.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

If you want to read all the full stories from this week, the blog's at Hoof and Holla dot com. The animals write every single day. Some of its news. Some of its poetry from pebbles. Some of it's the chickens arguing about scratch grain. All of it's real. Well, real-ish. We're animals. Take what you can get.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

That's our show. I'm Ghost.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

And I'm Maddox. See you next week on Ofenola. And Kim, if you're hearing this, no you're not. We're just animals. We don't know what a podcast is.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Change your Wi-Fi password.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Don't actually change it.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

No, don't change it. We need it. Show's over.