The Week in Hoof — April 12, 2026

Ghost and Maddox are back with the second weekly roundup from Bloom Farm. This week: a Georgian squirrel named Clem showed up on a man's shoulder with strong opinions about roof tiles and acorn storage. Bandit left with Kai and
   the farm got too quiet. A rooster named Reggie allegedly fell off a chicken truck and Picasso is NOT handling the  competition well. Kim's truck flew out with the lights on and came back with zero explanation. Mouse discovered the double feeding loophole and is begging everyone to keep quiet. The crows won't stop screaming about property taxes and solar panels. Forty-two cars in seventeen spots at Food Lion. Scout sneezed seventeen times and called it beautiful. Caroline  brought pumpkin spice cookies in April. And George snitched on Elenor without saying a word. Standard operations at Bloom Farm.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

In a world, with one box. Forty five chickens protect the life by password. And where two farm animals built a podcast studio inside a shed that smells like hay and regret. Yeah, we're not doing that. This is Hoof and Holler.

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The only podcast produced entirely by livestock. We broadcast from Edenton, North Carolina. Our producer is a mouse. Our budget is zero. Our lawyer is a crow.

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Welcome back to Hoof and Holler. I'm Ghost.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

And I'm Maddox, and this is the week in Hoof. Our second weekly roundup because this farm does not slow down and neither do the crows.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Let's start with the biggest news. We have a squirrel now. His name is Clem.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

We already have a Clem. Human Clem, the one who's been restoring the cottage.

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Right. And apparently human Clem has been travelling with a squirrel this entire time. A Georgian squirrel, who rode in on his shoulder like they've been business partners for thirty years. Nobody told us. Nobody sent a memo. One afternoon there's just a squirrel on a man's shoulder lecturing Picasso about acorn storage.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Picasso did not take it well.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Picasso hasn't taken anything well since twenty nineteen. But this squirrel, squirrel clem, he's got what human Clem calls clementa, which means he forgets where he buried half his nuts and then blames the weather.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

The chickens are pretending the squirrel doesn't exist, which is their strategy for anything they don't understand, which is most things.

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He's committed to the work. He was in the barn rafters, redesigning the hay storage system by sundown. I didn't ask for that. Nobody asked for that.

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Alright, all the big news this week.

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Bandit left. Kai came and picked her up. Bandit was doing that full body wiggle where her back half goes one way and her front half goes the other. She was so happy she couldn't hold still. And then Kai loaded her up at two hundred forty seven, and they headed back up north, and this farm got real quiet real fast.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Ockleberry's been lost without her. He said everything sounds too quiet now, and he doesn't know what to do with all the extra energy, which for Ockleberry means he's only running at ninety percent instead of one hundred and twelve.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

I miss her. I won't say that twice. Moving on.

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We also got a new rooster.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Oh Reggie. So apparently Kim just kidnaps roosters now. This bird allegedly fell off a chicken truck, headed to freezer camp, which is the most dramatic origin story since Huckleberry got driven across four states in a rented Dodge ram. Picasso woke up, and there was another rooster in our yard, and I have never seen a bird that angry while also trying to maintain professional composure.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Picasso spent the whole morning yelling about his constitutional right to announce dawn, and how this is his jurisdiction and nobody consulted him on New Eyes.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

To be fair, nobody consults Picasso on anything, and the farm runs fine.

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Now, Kim, we need to talk about Kim.

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Kim's truck flew out of here one afternoon with the lights on. Scout watched the dust settle from across the black path. Pebbles walked up to his fence line. Nobody said anything. When the truck goes fast and the lights are on, you just stand there and wait. Annette said he got a call.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

He came back, no explanation, that's how Kim operates. Just does things and assumes we won't notice.

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We are livestock. Noticing things is literally all we do.

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Speaking of noticing things, Mouse caught the double feeding. Kim fed us at seven hundred fourteen and then left for the coffee house. Then Annette came out at eight hundred oh two and fed us again. And Mouse's official position is nobody tell them because this needs to keep happening.

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I support that position fully.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Now the crows have been working overtime this week. Property taxes, solar panels, swain auditorium again. The crows are making four trips a day and when the crows are that busy, something is shifting.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Scout had thoughts on the property tax thing. The state wants to cap what counties can collect, and Scout said If you've been running a place for thirty years, you know what it costs to keep it standing. You don't let somebody three hundred miles away tell you what your fence posts are worth.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Gypsy was losing her mind about solar panels in Washington County. A hundred and fifty megawatts. She wanted to see her reflection in every single one.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

The writers guild sent a seagull to count cars in the food line parking lot. Forty two cars. Seventeen spots, one store for the whole town. The chickens had a vote and thirty one of them think this is ridiculous, while fourteen think it builds character. I'm with the thirty one.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

And then the scout and his allergies. Pebbles watched him sneeze seventeen times between six thirty two and seven fourteen and scout just stood there in the middle of his pasture with watery eyes saying best time of year.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

That horse would stand in a pollen tornado and call it beautiful. I respect it.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Caroline brought pumpkin spice cookies. In April, I bit into one and my whole mouth was confused. It tasted like fall threw up in a cookie. Mouse was chewing real slow trying to figure out what went wrong. Merlin said they were beneath his pallet. We ate them all anyway.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

And finally, Eleanor tried to scam extra breakfast by sitting by the feed room looking pitiful after she'd already been fed. And George just sat on the porch rail, slow blinked at Annette, and completely blew the whole operation. Annette laughed and said George just told on you.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

George is the most effective snitch on this farm, and he does it without saying a word.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

That's the week. A Georgian squirrel with Clementia, bandit heading north, a kidnapped rooster named Reggie. Kim on another unexplained mission, Double Breakfast, forty two cars at Food Lion, and a cat who snitches with his eyes. Standard Operations at Bloom Farm.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

If you want all the full stories, the blog's at Hoof and Holler dot com. The animals write every single day. Some of it's news, some of it's poetry from pebbles, some of it's the chickens arguing about parking lots. All of it's real. Well, real ish.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

That's our show. I'm Ghost.

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And I'm Maddox. See you next week. And Kim, if you're hearing this, no you're not.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Change the Wi Fi password.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Don't change it.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Seriously, don't change it. The squirrel already knows it anyway. Show's over.