Lego My Cheese

WELCOME TO EPISODE 10!!!

On today's episode, JJ & Tonio Welcome special guest JP. On today's agenda, the black market. From Lego pasta to cheese that's just as good as currency. 

They discuss how scammers evolve with the times, reminisce on early school days, their thoughts on children using profanity and sneaking into VIP as adults. 

Get ready for a lot of laughs as usual! Thank you for watching and if you'd like to see JJ & Tonio do their thing instead of just listen, or wanna put faces to the names, head on over to @noonegetshurtpod on YouTube, drop a like and a follow and also leave a comment if there's a crime, scheme, scam or scandal you'd like to be covered on the podcast!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I look like uh Ron White disabled client.

SPEAKER_04 0:07

I listened up and no one gets heard.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

This is a podcast that focuses on clients and stats where no one physically gets harmed. This is a podcast for information and podcasts and fight.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

So listen up and no one gets heard. Alright, well don't forget to like and subscribe and comment. Tell us which game you'd like us to cover.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Welcome back to another episode. We have with us the notorious host, JP.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

That's right. What's up, guys? Lesbian in the house. First lesbian on the show, right? I think so. That's right. Yeah, I think so. Representing the tribe.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

That's right. Uh, you want to plug your Instagram or anything you got going on?

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Uh catch me on IG with uh JP Smiley46 as my main account, and then we do our uh the blend orange for all provisions related things. You can find the information on both, and then you know, check us out.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

We're talking about this last week at the blend. You you had a heavy hitter stop by.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Oh, George Perez, yeah. He's it's his second time coming in, and he's uh he enjoys it. Um from what he's been saying. It's a good room. Yeah, it's always a good room.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

I think that he brought a really great energy, and uh I think he also provides kind of um like it's not necessarily like a structured mentor mentorship, is what I'm saying, but like maybe more of like a goal or aspirational situation where you're like, okay, like I'm seeing him work it out, I'm seeing him do things like because he was given a couple, he was like asking the audience, give me topics to riff on, and then he took them and he actually made them funny, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

So yeah. Uh he's what a generally like what 20-year comic has been doing it for a long time.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

So he's he's definitely a professional, and it's nice to be able to see somebody operate from that level.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's uh he's providing an aspirational, uh like again, he's not necessarily taking people under his wing to be like, this is how you do it, but he's basically showing you. Do you know what I'm saying? Like he's saying, this is how I do it, this is what is achievable, without having to say it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Yeah, it's like monkey see monkey do, you know. You're just like, okay, this is what he does. Now you take from that uh and find a way to incorporate certain things into uh your own performance and writing and all of that. Uh so it's really beneficial to be able to just see a professional comic.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Yeah, he was also really supportive too. I mean, he brought people with him to come and watch, which is always, you know, a really cool thing. But then he's just, you know, he reposts us on Instagram, things like that too. So that helps a lot. And then uh just a cloud of it too.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

Speaking of which, don't forget to hit that subscribe button.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Oh yeah. Like and subscribe.

SPEAKER_03 3:12

Oh, yeah, subscribing ain't good enough. Like and subscribe, and no one gets hurt. How about that?

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Report and block it. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're an asshole. JP's still working on his jokes, so I'm I think I am the newest comic in the room, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:31

I I think we might be tied, actually. Tied? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

Been like a year and two months.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Yeah, I'm I'm like a year and change. I but I mean I've been a fool my whole life, so I don't think that one counts as a pun, but that was funny.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

I'll give you a half a pun for that.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Yeah, I I I grew up with two much older brothers that liked uh listening to George Carlin, Steve Martin, uh uh Richard Pryor, uh, you know, Eddie Murphy, oh, and Andrew Dice Clay, which that was a shell shock when you're like five years old listening to it on the record, and you're like, what is this? Because you think it's like a nursery rhyme and oh it's something completely different.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

Bitch, what's in the bowl?

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah, like dick go be duck.

SPEAKER_04 4:22

I love that joke so much.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

And then that's one of those things where uh I try to explain my husband. We were talking about this a little bit yesterday. Um, so for me, I'm the youngest, and my husband's the oldest. And I think that there's something to it for like down the road relationships, you know, oldest and oldest. You have older child energy, right? Baby, baby, baby, child, and baby energy, right? So it's they have different needs and wants and controls and whatever. Uh, middles kind of just go with flow, so they can just kind of be plug and play with anybody. But like, so my husband's an oldest, I'm the baby, and I was explaining to him. I'm like, imagine being a girl with brothers that are nine and eleven years older than you, and like the influences. I mean, it doesn't make sense. Like, you're going to elementary school telling Andrew J's clay jokes in the first grade, you're gonna you're gonna have some problems, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 5:14

I know the fit scary movie came out when I was about I want to say like 11 or 12. So that was the a lot of the jokes, and then the the WWF had the attitude era, so a lot of people getting suspended for this shit right here. Uh what a time to be alive, man.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Yeah, that old school fucking wrestling with the DX. They were wild, bro. No, me personally, I grew up on that like Jeff Foxworthy era, Larry the Cable guy, which is totally not the kind of like they fucked and made a baby.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

I look like uh Ron White's disabled son. But uh I digress. Exactly. Um yeah, like their comedy, it's it's that's the comedy I grew up on, but it's not the style I choose, obviously.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

I'm much more stalker-ish. A little creepy.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

I mean, they okay, for for you know, context, Jeff Foxworthy and Jeff Foxworthy is clean. He is like as I would say as clean as Seinfeld, right? I would say that uh click cable guy, he had he relies on the fart jokes, which I think is great. Like he he has a joke about his grandma having the walking farts, I'm sure. Oh yeah, that where his his his grandpa uh he's like his grandma was running and she has the walking farts, but when she's running, it's like and he's like grand-grandpa hits the deck, like that's PTSD from World War II, you know, like such a good one.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

It's so good.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah, but then but then I would say Ron White, he takes it down like a little bit of a level, like he'll talk about some some like just above unsavory, you know, more of a alluding to, you know, you are I've been talking, I've got the the fucking creeps jokes.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that also it's because like later on I got even more into comedy, and I was like Greg Giraldo era, Dan Cook, where it's just fucking and drugs. Uh and that's a two of my favorite things. Yeah, absolutely. For sure. Um, let's do some. That's right. Here, I'll let you do it off my titties. They're too fucking small. Oh yeah. So for y'all that don't know, I was supposed to get my nipples pierced at my open mic provisions, and uh right before it happened, the piercer told me that my nipple was too small.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

When you say, when you say, did you say nipples plural or nipple singular?

SPEAKER_02 7:56

Nipple one.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

I thought about two, but I was like, I don't need to do that pain twice.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Yeah. So we're just the one, but uh now, yeah. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, she said she there was a chance that she was gonna tear my nipple in half. And I was like, I don't need to have like the split tongue thing going on on my chest.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

That would have been way better content.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

That would have been how hard it would have been to work now.

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Should have did it for the grams.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Now now JP just uses that as a come online to ladies. I'm gonna slip your I'm gonna slip your nipple in half.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Somehow I'm not creepier.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

I actually um saw cable man or cable guy, it's cable guy, right? I uh uh Larry the cable guy. I saw him um at a at a fair and he was performing at a fair uh in Del Mar. And he it it was insane how fast he was with all of his jokes, but like it was still it wasn't like fast in the sense of like let me say this and let me get out, like I want to get out of here. You know what I mean? It was more like there's just the rapidness of his jokes were so just punch, punch, punch, punch, boom, boom, boom.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

He'll he do what I aspire for.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

He doesn't sit and and and like um you know linger on it. He doesn't like enjoy the laugh. I feel like he just moves on, moves on, which is great, right? But then I've seen uh Ron White and Ron White, he enjoys the laugh. Like he gets in on the laugh, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Like he he he'll like does that little like half a smile exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Um and and what was interesting when I saw I got to see him, we were uh at Mothership, and he was a mid-opener, and he literally only had like I want to say it was mostly just one story, I would say. It might have been two, I can't remember, it's been a while, but um, but he took one story and had just it was just wedged full of jokes, you know, wedged full of punchlines, and it was one consistent story, and that that's so amazing. That's hard, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:55

It's so hard.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

I think that was like the biggest thing I was thinking of, too, is that you know, uh Larry the cable guy, which by the way, what's his real name? Eugene Whitney.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Is that what it is?

SPEAKER_02 10:04

I think something like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

I think he's from Nebraska, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

I was today years old when I learned that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

But uh he he's like he is a puns and fork jokes and rapid fire, rapid fire, because uh that's just his style. And I've always known Ron White to be this legendary storyteller. Yes, I mean the old story of what Tater and all that, yeah, you know Tater sound. Yeah, exactly. And I don't know. I I that's that's definitely the style that I try to be more. Now I know I do a lot of sex jokes, but I do try to work on those long like stories, but it's so hard to get there. Yeah to be like, here's five minutes on just here's this story, and we're gonna like lead this joke, this joke, this joke, this joke, this joke. I mean, to come up with that many topics or jokes on just one topic. It's hard, bro. Yeah, it's tough. So it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

And clearly I am so like you know, pre me baby when it comes to comedy. But like one of the things I've noticed though is like when you're writing different things, all of a sudden certain topics start you start to see a pattern, and then you can start. It's not the same. I'm not saying I've done this with a story per se. I have one or two stories I think I've gotten some juice out of, but uh when you're when you write certain jokes, all of a sudden you see it's layered, and all of a sudden you can layer them together, and then that puts together a piece of the puzzle of your story, you know, and so it's like you're kind of building on, and I think that's what happens. I I think um, you know, if you're able to get, and unfortunately, that's one of my I you know, I wish I could get up more, but like if you get up a lot and you're getting comfortable with the story, all of a sudden it unlocks other things in your mind and you start writing it down and you you can embellish more and and and develop more, you know, and it's so that's why I think it's it's not about rushing the process, it's about developing the process, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:54

Yeah, and I think also like to the point where you were saying, like, you just develop um these jokes that you learn how to transition them and interchange them too. So it's like you could tell the same jokes in a different order and it still transitions well, right? And I forgot where I was going with that.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

You're talking about how you're transitioning.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

That sounds about right. I mean, I'm only a lesbian in theory right now, but soon we're gonna take it all the way. See you guys soon. We're gonna go from JP to I don't fucking know. Man. Yeah. What do you got for us this week?

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Um, so this week I I actually have props. Uh oh.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

Okay. All right, Caratol. All right, so I I am so fucking interested right now. If it's a Snickers, though, I'm leaving.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

For the for the listeners, Legos. What do you notice about the box anything?

SPEAKER_02 13:00

They're like the dessert freeze.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

The content of what it is is like, who cares, right? Like they're the whatever their the symbolism of it is, right? Okay, so for the listeners, I'm just holding up a box of Legos, okay? If you're watching YouTube, you see what's going on, right? So now I'm gonna shake them, okay? Do you do you hear that?

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Sounds like a box of Legos.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

It sounds like a box of Legos, right? Well, what if I told you it was filled with pasta?

SPEAKER_03 13:31

I would say it sounds like pasta.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Like pasta, right? Dried pasta? Well, this box is actually certified sealed, not Lego pasta, but our individual today was taking Lego boxes from the store, buying them, taking them home, taking the pieces out, putting dried pasta in, sealing it back up, and going back to Target and exchanging them.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

I've heard about that.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

And this just happened last month. He is so this is an ongoing breaking news story. This is all alleged. He is considered innocent until he is tried in a court of law, but this individual, and he's not alone, might I add. He is not the only one doing this.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

I am impressed.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

I it it because like so many things have been done to get one over on stores, and like people just become more and more creative, and it's like, hell yeah, I'm Target, so I'm glad it happened.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Target is not a sponsor, so but if they want to be, we'll gladly take that off. Yeah, he he built the scam brick by brick.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

Oh that's a good one. Link in the logs. That's that's a fucking good one.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Lego my pasta.

SPEAKER_04 14:54

It's been a great time to go to time when we go down.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

So this individual is 28 years old, Jarrell Augustine, and he was arrested in his apartment. 20? 28, 28.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

Oh, 28. I was like, damn, 20, isn't that smart?

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Yeah, 28. Uh, arrested, I believe, in his Paramount apartments, and he was arrested by the Irvine PD.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Jarel from Paramount. Surprise, surprise. But I cut that.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

We're leaving it in. And that was our last episode. Thank you so much. You get canceled before you've gotten started. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 15:48

I can't, bro. We don't have sponsors.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

We just get over the in eight years when you're like up for a drop with S and L, they're gonna find this episode and it's over.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

Like, listen, I was only 21. I hey, they don't need to know how old I was.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

So I sourced this information mostly from Los Angeles Times. I believe that he wasn't only doing it in California, I believe he was also allegedly doing it across the country. But um basically he was purchasing, I believe mostly from Target, uh, and he was taking or he was buying Star Wars uh sets uh and the Marvel sets. And then he would take them home, somehow probably steam the box. I'm guessing, I don't know. Um, undo the box, take out the pieces, then put dry pasta, Goya pasta, I believe, in wheat, whole wheat, if if we want details, and then put it in and then seal the box back up.

unknown 16:53

Take it.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

I wonder if he like meticulously picked out the specific kind of fucking pasta that sounds exactly.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Probably, yeah. I mean, and and if you're working returns at why did I say it like that? If you're working returns, I mean it's like all of a sudden you silly return. Uh you might be a re-neck.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

I will say this though. With the price of uh everything going up, including food, maybe you gotta fucking better off with the pasta. Well, the pasta decision.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

The pasta, this was a dollar ninety-nine.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

So yeah, and if that box was probably almost 20 bucks.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

No, it was nine dollars. But but I mean, let's imagine it was a Marvel box, or if it was a box of um Star Wars, right? It would have been probably like $85, right? So you feel this. I mean, it's it's uh yeah, yeah. He uh he definitely was thinking that one through. So um, but anyway, so okay, uh he did approximately 70 transactions that they are aware of, right? That they know of, yeah, exactly. Right. And um they think that he that's cut out. Um, they think that it was about um $34,000 that he scammed out of Target.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

30 wait, how much? 34,000. 34,000? That checks out. I mean, those Lego prices, man, those are the hundreds, bro. Yeah, crazy. Even for like a small box, you pay like for a branded item, like 40 bucks.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

Hurts my heart when my kids ask for Legos for their birthday.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Also hurts your feet, I'm sure too.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Damn, right.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

So, um, yeah, so he was arrested for grand theft uh and booked in Orange County.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

Grand theft on Legos is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Damn, it's because it's the dollar amount, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

I mean, just like you can steal a whole car.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

You said this happened recently.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yeah, he was just uh, I believe arrested in April.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

How did they figure it out?

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Well, Irvine police were so he he apparently it was like two his transactions at the Irvine target was a flag for that.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

He just kept hitting the same fucking.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

I don't think it was necessary that that he was hitting the same one. I I don't have all the details on it. They're you know, it's limited information at this point because it's still ongoing. What'd you say?

SPEAKER_03 19:20

Because it's new, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Yeah, it's ongoing, uh breaking, um, if you will, news. No, no, no. But um, yeah, so so my understanding is he had two specific transactions that they thought was suspect, and they looked into it and they figured it out, and then they went and arrested him. So because like Irvine is one of the safest cities, I believe, if not the safest city in America. They always have that like as one of their, you know, large for whatever per capita they are, I believe it's one of the one of the safest cities. But the safest cities in terms of like like dangerous crimes. I don't I don't I I don't think that this necessarily qualifies for dangerous crime.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

I don't think so. Yeah, but anyways, I mean I don't know, but the way scalping's going these days. The way what? Scalping? Like all the Pokemon scalping? Everyone's scaling.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

I think it's like actual scalping. I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_02 20:11

Just because I'm native, no good. Um no, like uh what's it called? Um everybody's scalping everything now.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

It's hard out here for a pimp.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

I mean, uh, what was it like? Uh didn't someone just get shot recently for like scalping Pokemon cards? There was like a fight, an altercation over Pokemon cards and stuff. I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 20:35

Some of them are worth like tens of thousands of dollars, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

I met an individual who sells luxury handbags secondary market, and I was talking to her about like, oh, I because my thought was it was like, okay, it's sugar daddies buying sugar babies, expensive handbags, and then they're selling them on the you know, consignment. That's what I figure, they want the cash, right? And and she's like, Yeah, that happens, but actually what happens more is that um people will like so I don't know how familiar you are with this, but like Ferraris and Air Mays, they have these situations where you can't just go in and be like, I would like that car or I would like that bag. Like you have to work your way up to buy to have the privilege of buying these items. So if there's a specific handbag that you want at Air Mays, like I actually have friends that have done this, and I am not one of these people, but I don't have that kind of money, and I'm not that interested in it. But I I can appreciate that they're very well done, you know, leather items. But uh, anyways, so so you have to go to your same sales associate and you have to buy a bracelet, you have to buy the shoes, you have to buy a tie, you have to buy cufflings, and then you earn the privilege of buying your first what's called a Kelly bag or your first Birkin bag. And we're talking like $14,000, $30,000 bags, right? Because and that, but here's the thing so the individual. Talking to, she has said what happens is that when you get that first opportunity to buy the Air Maze bag, it's usually not one that you want. So it's like a color you don't want or the size that you don't want, but you have to buy it because if you don't buy it, then you go basically back in the lottery system. But if you buy it, then they know you're for real. So when you buy it and it's not one that you want, then you go to the secondary market and you sell it to the secondary market. Okay. So why is it ridiculous? So why is this all relevant? So she tells me people will buy the items on secondary market by selling their Pokemon cards. So like people have Pokemon cards that are so worth so much money, and they're like, oh, that's the bag I want, but they don't want to play the game with airmays, and probably I don't know, whatever. Um, I can't afford to even pronounce it right, but um so but they are, you know, um, they don't want to play the game, they don't want the Tchotkis to get to the bag, they just want a bag, right? So then they'll she said, I've literally seen people go and sell Pokemon cards in order to purchase the Air Maze bag. So that's crazy, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

Yeah, it's getting wild out here.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

I tell you what, him getting caught is the sign of the times, though, because like when I was a kid, the statute is up, it's fine. Uh when I was a kid, my stepdad would take me to to like Lowe's or Home Depot, and we would open up like an attic fan box, big ass attic fan box. It's on like it's not even halfway full, that's this attic fan box, and we would just throw tools and all kinds of other shit in there and fucking dude. Sometimes we would go and pay for the attic fan, and sometimes I would just push it right out the door.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

You have a joke about this.

SPEAKER_03 23:37

Yeah, it's just a true story that happens to be funny. Uh, but then we would take it back to the same fucking the same exact fucking Lowe's or Home Depot. Or sometimes we would go through like, dude, he kept every receipt. So sometimes we would go through receipts and then take a receipt with us in the in the store, like a shopping list, fill the cart up with it, leave, bring the shit back with the receipt, and get the cash for it.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Well, Legos apparently are a hot commodity right now because this individual, it's not the only person that this has happened to. There's also been, um, I guess, something like uh two stolen freight trailers filled with Legos in Riverside worth like a million dollars, apparently, or close to a million dollars. Then in Northern California, there was a guy arrested for basically loading up his shopping cart and just pushing it out the door, not paying for any of the Legos, which is what you're kind of saying. So, yeah, so so the Legos are a real hot, hot market. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

Did you guys see the the clip recently of the guy who dressed up as a beer vendor and walked out with like a whole U-boat full of just beer? No, he literally there's a clip online. He's he just walks out, nobody even fucking bothers him. He's wearing uh uh I think it's a straw shirt, which is like the Budweiser vendor, yeah, and he just walks out and nobody nobody said anything. I don't know if he ever got caught.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

One thing I know about doing shit you ain't supposed to, if you look like you belong, like if you're dressed apart and you're walking with confidence, even maybe a slightly angry look on your face to nobody fucks with you, nobody's gonna fuck with you, dude. Yeah. If you just look like you belong, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

No, a hundred percent. There's times that my job, even I'll walk into a store that I've never been in to go handle whatever business I gotta handle, and I'll just walk into the back room. I don't even look like a worker, and they don't say nothing. They look at me, and I'm just like, I could literally walk out of here with like whatever I want right now. Thankfully, I suck at stealing.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Well, the one of the last times I went to Vegas, I was there for like a work conference, and the lady I the co like the co-worker what I was with, she was like, Let's get into VIP. And we are not young enough to be sneaking in VIP, but we got into VIP and like the the bottle service area, and everything was fine until uh I turned around and my ass knocked over a vodka bottle. And I don't have an ass, so that's how tight it was, and we were immediately kicked out because they were like, Well, if she had an ass, maybe she could stay, but she has an ass though because she's out.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Oh, yeah, $300 bottle of vodka that's normally 80 bucks. Yeah, if that talk about highway robbery, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

She's really feeling robbery.

SPEAKER_05 26:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

So this individual though, so he's 28, you know, young guy. I don't I don't know what his career or his job history is, but there's also been a a guy in North Carolina who was a Wells Fargo banker, and he was arrested for fencing stolen Legos. So this is this is a crime that you know spans all ages, all career status.

SPEAKER_02 26:50

It's like I love that you call it fencing, like we're doing some old 80s robbery or more than old 9 18 1880s.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Put the Legos in a bag, she I have these jewels I've acquired.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

There was this movie. I can't, I think it was John Goodman was the star. I want to say it was John Goodman, and it was an 80s movie, and uh it was something along the line, it might have been John Candy, but I think it was John Goodman, and it was like basically the whole royal family dies, and they have to go through the lineage to see who the next in line could be the king, and it's John Goodman. I believe it's John Goodman. Um, come at me if it's not.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

But uh we'll fact check it.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

And and he was like kind of a thug, he played kind of a thuggy kid, or not a kid, I guess, man. And they when he's like in a scene where he's talking to, you know, other aristocrats, and they're like, Oh yes, um wait, do you partake in uh fencing? And he's like, Oh, yeah, I partake in fencing. Well, they were meaning like you know, like the sport fencing, and he was thinking like stealing fencing. So that's um how I learned that term as like a nine-year-old or whatever age I was. So some royal pen and balms, and also going back to being a nine-year-old, like, okay, so what is that like third grade-ish, right? Probably.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

So like the 60s. Had they had they integrated schools yet?

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:18

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Um but so it's gonna be our crowded, that looks like they were like, they are not allowed, no.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

But I and going back to what we were saying earlier, like growing up older brothers, I I remember like a third grade teacher saying to my mom, like, um, are is she around a lot of adults? And my mom was like, Yeah, because like at that time, my brothers are like one's in college, one's in high school, probably, maybe. And uh, she's like, Yeah, I can tell because her vocabulary is so advanced. But now, as I'm sitting here as an adult, I'm like, I don't know if she meant like I had like vocabulary that was impressive, or maybe because I was using curse words all the time. I'm not sure, maybe combination.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

Could have been a little bit of both.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Could have been both, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

I'm always impressed when my kids use cuss words in the right context. You're a fucking bitch, dad.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

You conjugated that correctly.

SPEAKER_04 29:09

You know what? I'm gonna let it slide because you said it the right way.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Conjunction function.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

Yeah, now say it in Spanish. You've got to get some diversity going on there now. Yeah, so have you ever stolen any Legos? Or no, the worst I ever stole. Oh, this is a fun. I was thinking about this while you guys were talking about it. I stole a Tootsie roll when I was a little kid, and uh, I stole it from a 7-Eleven and big time criminal here, guys. No, dude, this is crazy because he stole it from the free candy stash. Loki, you're not right. I looky honestly, there was no even other Tootsie rolls there. It was just on top of some. I just took some tootsie roll there was what a nickel.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

It's probably like a laced Tootsie roll, like some like pedophile on the back. It's like, oh, someone's gonna steal it. I'm gonna have to wait with them.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

I'm not cut it. No way. There's absolutely no way I'm cutting it.

SPEAKER_02 30:08

All right, if I'm getting in trouble, you are too. We all go down with it. This podcast is over.

SPEAKER_04 30:18

Our last episode.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

But nah, so I took this Tootsie roll, and like my thing was like I was hiding it, so I was like pretending I had a stomachache. But I was with my dad, so I walked out of the store and he's like, What's going on there, kid? And I was like, nothing. He goes, Show me your fucking hands, and I have the Tootsie Roll, and he was like, You fucking stole in front of like four cops inside this fucking store. And I was like, I dude, it was a whole thing. And then from that day on, I never fucking tried to steal again. Uh you know, trauma. He was like, they're gonna arrest your ass.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

I I never stole, but my my parents scared the shit out of me. Like, I would never, I mean, like it never crossed honestly, it never crossed my mind, but like I my mom puts the fear of God in everybody that she that you meet, like you meet my you meet Linda, you she you'll know. But uh but uh I grew I grew up with uh some pretty well-to-do children, you're you know, children of well-to-do individuals, and it was always amazing to me, like wealthy. I mean, like I would say like on the verge of wealthy, you know what I mean? Not like private jet style, but like definitely fancy cars, nice houses, all the things. And they were some of the worst. They were always stealing shit. I was always like like they'd go to Gap.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Rich kids got all the good drugs too.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

I mean, it just it was I I was like shocked, literally shocked, because I would be like, I can't believe like and that's what that's what's the interesting thing. My mom, like, I'm not kidding, she was like, she or she is like a detective, but she doesn't have to be a detective anymore. But like when my brothers and I were younger, she was definitely like she knew it was up. And my brother one time got invited to go to Knott's berry farm with some friends, and my mom was like, You're not going to Knott's berry farm with those guys. And this is like junior high, probably. And my brother's like, he was like all so mad, you know, like I want to go, like uh, she's like, No, those are not, you know. And they got two of them were stealing candy from the candy store within Knott's Berry Farm, and the other two weren't, but they all got in trouble, you know. So, um, I mean, it wouldn't have been the end of the world, but it definitely puts you on a different trajectory for sure, you know.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

So my crimes were never stealing, just stealing hearts.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

Not even that.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

Definitely you've seen me, guys. Tell me, am I a heartbreaker? No.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

I used to. I used to fuck up Walmart, Dollar General, Hot Topic, Spencers, Lowe's and Home Deep. Boy, why I used to fucking I used to fuck stores up. Oh, FYE?

SPEAKER_00 32:53

What's FYE?

SPEAKER_03 32:54

It was like what's like a CD shop? Yeah, like a music store where you once upon a time before streaming, you had to go buy fucking CDs when they came. Posters. I didn't buy shit. Yeah. I didn't spend, I never spent a dollar in that store, and I got every fucking album I wanted. Hell yeah. Yeah I used to tear the ass up.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Nah. My thing was just staying out late with all the skater kids doing dumb shit.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

I could see that snorting Mountain Dew and boofing beers.

SPEAKER_02 33:27

I'll tell you what, I'm putting some beers.

SPEAKER_03 33:30

That's nasty.

SPEAKER_04 33:31

He's laughing because he knows he did it. I never boofed no beer, but I know motherfuckers didn't.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

Never boofed a beer, but I boofed some penises.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

Falling around the weed, uh all that stuff. Like I remember pulling up to this kid's house uh to smoke weed, and his grandma was just on the couch, just fried out of her mind. I was like, this is gonna be a good time.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

Yeah, we went upstairs to the room where everyone was smoking. There was like six mattresses just on the floor, everyone sitting around on a circle. I was like, This is a fucking crack then.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

That sounds like it.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

And uh we were smoking weed, and then one of the dudes uh hit it and he goes, Hey, just so you know, I put some coding on that.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

And I was like, On the weed?

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Yeah, I was like, I don't think that's gonna do anything. I don't think that's gonna do anything either. Fucking cool, I got out of there. That shit was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 34:34

Big X the plug said he does that too, but I don't see the point. I'd rather just drink it.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

I was just saying, doesn't it just burn up in the I have no idea. I'm not that I know you have a lot of experience with this, but I just zero.

SPEAKER_03 34:46

Yeah, you look like you drink lean.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

I drink lean, yeah. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_03 34:51

That's what we're talking about. Like codine syrup. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, prometic.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

JJ's hiding her tattoos, her face tattoos.

SPEAKER_03 34:57

I got a bottle in the car, you can try it if you want.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Is that uh this was it scissors or is it scissors? Scissert? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:08

I didn't hear that since like 2000.

SPEAKER_00 35:14

I will say, I think I've mentioned this.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

That's 36 mafia.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

Uh when uh Joseph Carter was on, because he's from Nor or he's from Louisiana, you know, and I was saying how there's this bar there. Louisiana. There, well, there's a bar there called Lafayette, and it's allegedly one of the oldest bars in or taverns in America. And in New Orleans, especially, they sell frozen drinks like non-stop. And I I think it was called like a voodoo or something like that, and it was purple.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

And go on down to Lafayette, get you a voodoo, man. I love those cards, bro.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

So I take like three sips of it. I'm like, like it was like literally drinking like purple NyQuil or something like that. I mean, yeah, it was like kids kids' NyQuil, you know.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Nyquil's gross. Lean tastes good. I don't care. It's fucking good.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

But it was it was like I I literally, I think by the fifth sip, I'm like, I can't. I'm gonna because you'll have the most insane hangover after because of all the sugar in it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 36:21

But I'm surprised I'm standing after last night. I was partying myself. Where are you? Tell us. Uh there's a spot up the street. Uh I don't want to put him too far on blast because I used to work there, but oh man, people get hammered there last night. I ran into some of the old homies. He was getting into trouble. I had to distance myself for the night.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Been there and done that. I've had to leave a few situations. Yeah. This started getting out of hand, so I decided to go for ice cream. Oh, yeah. Allegedly.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

That was last night or just in general?

SPEAKER_03 36:56

No, I I'm referring to a specific event that I'm also not gonna put on blast on the podcast. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

I will say though, that bar. Man, I wish I could say the name, you know, but we don't got sponsors, bro. I know, but if I ever want to go back to work there, I guess that's fair.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

Yeah, they're not gonna see this.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

You'd be surprised. That's rude. I'll say it. Nah, yeah. I used to be a bouncer there. This shit gets crazy. It's uh one of the like most popping bars out here in Costa Mesa.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

What is some of the craziest things people have done or said to you to get in when you were a bouncer to the bar?

SPEAKER_02 37:35

To get in? I was never really big on like letting people in, but I've had some people. That's what I've heard. Uh yeah. Huh? Wait, what happened just now? What did I just miss?

SPEAKER_05 37:56

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

No, no, no. No, no, no. That's not what I said. He said he's never been big on letting people in. So I was meaning like the back door. I'm saying that's what I heard. Like, yeah, you know, he's a tease.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

T girl comes along.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

No, I'm kidding. I'm saying JP's a tease.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

Only only on the weekends.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

To the men.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

I will say not anymore. I think I'm getting too old. But I've knew there was a time I was rousing those cuts. Yeah, exactly. I was rousing those crowds up. Ralling them up. And now I'm gay. No, I'm gay. Gay for pay. Craziest things people have done to try and get in. I mean, I've had someone offer me a hundred bucks to try and get in the last 30 minutes before we close, and I was like, I'm taking it. I low key was like, hmm, but at the same time, he was being a dick all night, so I was like, nah, fuck you. But uh, no, I mean I've it dude, it gets crazy there. You'll see like three, four fights on a night.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Uh that's too much activity. In Costa Mesa?

SPEAKER_02 39:09

Well, so that's the thing is right here, it's like right borderline. The thing is, people are gonna know what I'm talking about when they if they know what I'm talking about. But it's right here, Santa Ana, Costa Mesa. There's a little like there's gangs and stuff. Low-key, like uh the stuff operates out of there, pop, pops off. It's a it's a cool place for the most part. Yeah, allegedly. Um, but it's like um like you'll have like gangsters from Santa Ana come up. I've had people rep their set on me because I don't want to let them in the bar, things like that. And I'm like, You're not gonna shoot me over getting into a bar for the last hour that we're operating. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

You'd be surprised. Um in my line of work, I actually had a few years ago where an individual is his first night working as a bar back and it was in LA County, it wasn't in Orange County.

SPEAKER_02 39:59

Surprise, surprise.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

But it was I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_02 40:04

I just it was a callback, callback.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Anyways, but he was working as a bar back and um a a disgruntled customer who had been there many times before, but I guess for whatever reason was not happy, um, decided to shoot his gun and killed the bar back first night working. God yeah. And he was only working there to try to make some extra money. He had another job and he was just trying to make some extra money. It's about five or six years ago.

SPEAKER_02 40:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

I don't so that's the thing too, is like I think LA is a little bit different. Not to shit on LA, because I do like LA.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

It w for for what it's worth, it was a it was a neighboring city to Orange County, so it was more like Orange County adjacent. Do you know what I mean? So I wouldn't say it was like hardcore LA, but like it was still LA County.

SPEAKER_02 40:52

Because I mean, I'll be real with like, I mean, obviously shit pops off wherever it pops off, but like I don't think it's like crazy like that out here. Um like I don't fear that I'm gonna get shot doing that kind of a job out here. Right. Just stabbed. Yeah, you're not wrong. Yeah, something happened. But not recently.

SPEAKER_00 41:13

No one gets hurt on this podcast though, so yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

Nobody gets hurt. Something like that. What did he look at me for? He hurt my feelings.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

Hey, that's that's in the disclaimer, actually. People do get emotionally harmed on this fucking podcast. Especially me a lot.

SPEAKER_02 41:33

We do we do do rose battles, so that's true. I will say I leave often crying, but you make it so easy, man. They're very fun to laugh at. But uh, no, I mean, look, like uh I've told the story uh on stage, but like I did get shot at one time. Wow, that was in LA. Is that your joke? Yeah, that you talk about the the quefs.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

No, you that you shot your own face.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

No, no, that's no, that's a different people. I blew my head off, guys. That's crazy. No, uh no, I was in downtown LA leaving a club. Uh shout out exchange. Love you guys, but fuck all that noise. But uh I was walking back to my car and I don't know, some dude was trying to get my attention, he was speaking Spanish. I was like, I'm not gonna stop to talk to this guy in a parking lot at like 2 30 in the morning. Do you speak Spanish? A little bit, but not enough to really like. Is that un poquito? Yeah, un poquito. Just like me. Um but uh yeah, no, this guy, I don't know. I just kept on walking and his voice kept getting more aggressive, and then BAM, feel like a hot burst of air just right by my head. And I I don't know, my first reaction was turn around and look. And I just stared at him and he stared back, and then he just drove off. And my friend comes back from around the corner and he's like, Did we just get shot at? I was like, unless that was a firework and I didn't see no fucking firework. But uh no, yeah, that that's shit.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

That's wild.

SPEAKER_02 43:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

I mean, you got lucky, but then he also got lucky because I mean imagine he just had like a moment where he's like, I'm just gonna shoot this person, and then he's like, Oh my god, I can't believe like I could have killed that person. Because that night, obviously your life would be over, but imagine that trajectory. It's like you just got upset and you thought, like, I'm gonna be a tough guy this one time, and you lodge a shot off, and then you kill somebody, and now you're in jail forever. Like, that's it's pretty crazy when you think about like you know what I mean, like in the when you're in the heat of the moment versus like when you really take a step back and you think about it, you know.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

So Yeah. I mean, th that's the thing too, is like it's just weird to me that like he shot at me and then drove off. It's like what was the point of that?

SPEAKER_00 43:53

Well, no, probably because he thought like I'm so mad.

SPEAKER_02 43:57

Yeah, yeah. He's like, Fuck, do I wanna do this? Or yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:02

Dude, my burglary charge was this far from a fucking murder charge because I had a fucking 38 snub with a hair trigger and no safety. And the dude was home.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

It wasn't the candy store.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

7-Eleven. No, no, no, no, no. At first it was a house. And the the nobody was supposed to be there, but the dude was home. And like he just popped up out of the fucking other room and scared the shit out of me. And of course, I'm fucking 19 high on Zans with no fucking trigger discipline. So I'm like right at him, bro, with a hair trigger. No fucking say like had I fucking sneezed, it would have gone from a burglary to a murder charge, dog. And like in hindsight, like that's fucked up.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

I I've heard before, like, just like kind of similar, but I've heard before, like, people that you know jump for suicide like from the Bay Bridge, right? There's been a s a handful of survivors. And I've heard that um I believe all of the survivors regretted it the minute that they took the flight, right? So I bet it I wouldn't be surprised if you and not for the purposes of them being in jail, right? I I I take jail out of it. I just for the sake of taking someone's life. I think but taking jail out of it. Obviously, no one wants to go to jail, right? But like I think that you you probably pull most people, you know, serial killers aside. But like, I think we're putting all these kinds of, you know, you know, we're just gonna like we're gonna put it in this little container here. But um, I I bet a lot of people say, you know, had I could do it over again, I I wouldn't have done it, you know, because it it's one of those things where I think it's like a hair trigger response where it's just like it's something in the human brain. And I think about that too. Like, pe again, this is no one gets hurt podcast, but when people do act out and they've never had that in their past, I wonder how many of those people were judging other people. Like I would never kill someone, or I would never strangle someone, and then and then they're in that moment and then they do it. It's it's wild, you know.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

So I mean, it's just when you're in the heat of the moment and everything's going, you know, testosterone if you're a woman, estrogen's going off. I don't know. Um hormone taco, JP. I know my biology, I think. Um never mind.

SPEAKER_03 46:23

After enough hormone therapy, I'm sure you're familiar.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

Listen, these titties talk. But uh Yeah, no, I mean you get into the heat of the moment, I think shit just happens. I mean and I can't even like there's times where I like will roast someone a little too hard, and I'll be like, damn, I shouldn't have said that. And I feel bad, so I can't imagine like taking it to that next level and like really violently hurting someone.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Yeah. Well, I I was in a situation um within the last year uh Brian and I went to see a show at the at the Honda Center. I don't know what I mean, the pond, whatever we call it now, I don't know, where the ducks play, right? And we were there for uh to see Tony Henchcliffe and um when we were leaving, my husband is notoriously bad at directions. Like literally, if he's like, we need to make a left, you know that means you need to make a right. I'm not exaggerating. It's like a one in ten, is he right? Like, I'm not exaggerating. Like he is, he is if it's if it if it comes to law, he can tell you it's he's always gonna be correct. Like he'll tell you the direction you need to go in law, right? He's a lawyer also. But when it comes to actual like physical and he is a boy Boy Scout. I'm like, didn't you have to get like some kind of like you know, geography, like using a compass badge? Like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know how I passed that one.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

But Boy Scouts doesn't teach you.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

I know, but anyway, anyway, so we're we're at the Honda Center and we're trying to get an Uber to get out, and it's and this is while it's like under construction, so it's pandemonium. They they don't let certain like turns of cars, all these things. And my husband is like, we're going left, we're going left, and it was towards Anaheim Stadium. I'm like, there are no cars there. That is Anaheim Stadium. He's like, Trust me. And I'm like, trust me, no cars are coming, no Ubers are going that way. Like, there's you won't see any cars coming that direction. What are you doing? And you had to go like under a bridge. I'm just like, I don't want to deal with any of this. Like, I don't know. Like, I I know if you go right, there's a cross street, right? I know there's traffic, we're gonna be okay. If we go that way, I don't know, right? And so we're getting into an argument. I mean, we don't honestly, we don't argue. He's he knows like the wife is right, but like the beach, no, his saying is happy wife, happy life. Okay, lucky, I'm a lucky girl. But but anyway, so for whatever reason, he was he was getting very like, it's no, it's this way, it's this way, it's this way. And I was like getting heated, right? And some random hot dude that was like hi, like who's like, like, hey, just relax. He's like, listen to your man or something like that. And I looked at him and I was like, I'm gonna throw punches. I was literally like, you need to mind your own business. And I was like getting like heated, you know. And then Brett's like, I can't handle this fight that you're gonna get into. Like he's like, You can't, you can't, you can't talk to this person this way, you know. And again, it's one of those things where like I think I'm so tough, and I'm like, you don't know who you're da-da-da. I didn't throw you don't know who you're talking to because I'm not, I'm nobody, but I'm like, you don't, you don't talk to me that way, like you don't know the situation, you mind your own business. And he's like, hey, and he was like kind of like it was weird because he was like high, but like aggressive. And then finally, like I kind of like realized, like, I don't know this lunatic. And this guy at any minute could just like punch me in the face or like punch Brett in the face, and like, do we really need that right now? No, so but like, but it took a minute for me to like think about it because I was just getting so upset that he was like trying to interfere with like our conversation, you know. But but yeah, it's one of those things where you look back in hindsight, you're like, oh, what was I thinking? You know, like that could have turned out bad, you know. But luckily it didn't. So, but anyways, well, to wrap up on the Lego thing, um, basically there's people the reason they found out of this individual is because he was trying to sell on the internet and he was luring the stolen Lego parts. Yeah, he was trying to steal them on the Lego, the stolen Lego parts on the internet. Um, and I think when the police came, he tried to block the investigation.

SPEAKER_02 50:19

Block the investigation.

SPEAKER_03 50:20

But like Lego blocks. You're putting the punk counter to work today.

SPEAKER_00 50:24

But the police, you know, they were able to piece it all together. And that is my story. Namaste. I'm gonna be killing myself.

SPEAKER_03 50:39

God, that's fucking funny, man.

SPEAKER_00 50:42

Alright, so Tonya, what do you have for us?

SPEAKER_03 50:44

I'll tell you what. Uh if there's a product, Legos, for example, there's a fucking black market for it. And I want to talk about a black market product today. I do. What do you think? Guns? Drugs? I know it's not syrup. Body parts?

SPEAKER_02 51:03

Black market.

SPEAKER_03 51:08

Jesus Christ. I'm gonna have to do so much editing. I'm leaving it all in, they're gonna know. He said it now. They're all gonna know. On today's black market, cheese. Cheese.

SPEAKER_00 51:20

That sounds sounds kind of cheesy.

SPEAKER_03 51:22

Yeah, it is a little cheesy. Uh, but we're talking about the Ferrari of cheeses. Manchango. No.

SPEAKER_00 51:29

Did you say Manchango? Manchango. Oh, I love that. That's so good. I'm a cheese connoisseur, please tell me.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

We're talking about Parmigiano Reggiano. Oh, alright.

SPEAKER_02 51:39

It's good, it's good.

SPEAKER_00 51:39

But you have to age that stuff. I think like a year, two years.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

Uh I didn't that's a good question. I'm not sure uh how how long the aging process is. I know that like the longer you age it, the better.

SPEAKER_04 51:56

Yeah, it's so good.

SPEAKER_03 51:57

Uh and they have like aging warehouses where the it's like a the wheels, climate controlled temperature and all that shit. Yes. Uh, and that's what actually what I want to get to. So there are like organized crime groups in Italy? I know, breaking news.

SPEAKER_00 52:17

That seems that seems like a stretch.

SPEAKER_03 52:19

Right, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

The mafia.

SPEAKER_03 52:22

Allegedly.

SPEAKER_02 52:23

Allegedly. Uh the old country fucking show up here, no.

SPEAKER_03 52:29

But they're they're heisting the cheese. They're stealing the cheese, bro. And like I get it. It's much less trouble if you get caught than like guns or drugs. It's expensive. So the the resale value is good. And then like once you you get the cheese in and you you break it down into smaller pieces, because like every single cheese wheel has uh like the stamp of the producer, but it also has a serial number.

SPEAKER_05 53:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:01

But once you get it in and you grind all that out or like fucking grate the cheese or cut it up into little wedges, dude, it's gone. It fucking vanishes into thin air. And and a fucking one wheel of cheese can go from like between five hundred dollars to over a thousand dollars, depending on the quality and the age of the cheese. Um so they're fucking stealing it. And then uh one of the the more famous heists, uh these people stole over two thousand wheels of cheese. Two thousand wheels of cheese, dude. They had multiple trucks.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Are they just rolling it out of there?

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Or I you know, that's a good question. I don't know. They I can't imagine how many people they had to have with them to steal 2,000 because they're they're they're big and they're heavy. They're fucking heavy. Yeah, so they they had multiple trucks, they had to have multiple people. I feel like they had to have an inside man.

SPEAKER_02 54:02

You just put on the right shirt and walk in, bro. That's a callback.

SPEAKER_00 54:09

Maybe maybe they had a cheese head that was in charge.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

Let's go Green Bay. Let's go Green Bay, Shadow. Shout out Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_03 54:18

Can you guess how the fucking cheese was worth that they stole?

SPEAKER_00 54:22

Uh I would guess over two million.

SPEAKER_03 54:24

About a million euros. Yeah, I don't know what that translates to into dollars. A lot.

SPEAKER_02 54:30

A lot, because we're they're more million fucking euros.

SPEAKER_00 54:33

It depends on the year for the conversion rate.

SPEAKER_03 54:35

So well, a wheel weighs it said like 80 to 90 pounds.

SPEAKER_00 54:40

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 54:40

80 to 90 pounds, bro, and they stole fucking 2,000 of these motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_02 54:45

Dolly in them out.

SPEAKER_03 54:47

I have no idea how the f like the logistics. The only thing I can imagine is that like they had teams fucking piling up onto pallets, like fucking picking an order at a warehouse, and then they just fucking wrap them and stick them in a truck.

SPEAKER_00 55:01

When did this occur? Like what year approximately?

SPEAKER_03 55:03

Uh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

Like in the last couple years, maybe. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 55:07

It's it's definitely recent.

SPEAKER_02 55:09

Um, this is definitely some like godfather type shit.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Oh, facts, bro. Like it's like some movie type shit. Yeah. And then, like, okay, the the financial aspect of it comes in because like the gorgonzola father. You're putting me to work, bidding.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Uh but Gorgonzola wouldn't wouldn't doesn't fit the bill because but you know what I mean. These are getting real cheesy up there. God damn.

SPEAKER_04 55:41

These jokes are kind of curdling a little bit, but oh man.

SPEAKER_03 55:53

Um, but the financial problems come in because it it's a a common practice for uh some banks to actually accept this cheese as collateral for loans.

SPEAKER_00 56:08

I mean, that sounds like some Italian stuff for sure.

SPEAKER_03 56:10

100%. Like just like stealing maple syrup was Canadian, this this is about as Italian as it gets, I think.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

I feel like it deserves one of these. American banks are based on gold, Italian banks are based on cheese.

SPEAKER_03 56:24

Canadian based on syrup. Yeah, so basically you'll you'll go to uh whichever bank that actually accepts the cheese and be like, look, I have this warehouse, you know what I mean, full of cheese. I think the minimum age was like 18 to 24 months of the cheese. Uh and then they'll be like, okay, you have this much, current market value is this much, we'll give you 70, 80 percent of that. So, like, if you go into someone's warehouse and and steal the cheese, like you're fucking up somebody's loan collateral, you're fucking up the bank's loan, like it becomes a way bigger financial problem because they're messing with someone's cheddar.

SPEAKER_00 57:10

You're gonna kill me.

SPEAKER_03 57:12

Oh I'm legitimately gonna die from pun-related issues.

SPEAKER_04 57:21

I love that you just stopped the flood page again.

SPEAKER_03 57:25

She's like, shut the fuck up, I got a good pun.

SPEAKER_04 57:30

Jeez. I'm sick of your shit.

SPEAKER_01 57:33

That was great. Uh this is gonna be the the pun cast.

SPEAKER_02 57:43

Nobody is hearing the pun cast. Oh my lord.

SPEAKER_03 57:47

I'm sick of you. I don't it's too early in the morning to do it.

SPEAKER_00 57:51

I don't want to poke holes in your squizz. Hey, I'm here all day. Oh my god. Are you having the blues? Blue cheese. Uh having the blues, blue cheese.

SPEAKER_02 58:13

I could have already believed this is happening.

SPEAKER_04 58:17

I could have already believed this is happening. That's so good. That's so good.

SPEAKER_00 58:22

Well, thanks for watching, uh this has been not your case, though.

SPEAKER_03 58:37

Yogin, oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 58:41

I could be a clean comic sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 58:45

I think you're a pro vardi.

SPEAKER_03 58:51

Are you all done? Yeah, okay. Are you finished?

SPEAKER_00 58:54

I'm gonna I'm gonna just keep, you know.

SPEAKER_03 58:56

I know. I know.

SPEAKER_00 58:59

I was gonna get it out of your system. I think what Tony was trying to say is he's lactose intolerant. That's what I think is going on here.

SPEAKER_04 59:11

That's so stupid that it's good. I'll give you that one.

SPEAKER_02 59:18

All right, get back to the mob.

SPEAKER_04 59:22

I can't concentrate now.

SPEAKER_00 59:25

So you were saying how it was messing up people's bones.

SPEAKER_03 59:28

Yeah. Do my favorite part about this whole thing is that like it's fucking damn near impossible to get caught. Yeah. Like a few low time uh low-level people were caught for I don't know, stealing a few wheels, but like the dudes that were doing big time heists and steal, they it's fucking impossible. Like I said, once you fucking grind off that serial number or chunk it out or what the fuck ever, melt it. It's in the wind. You're you're it essentially turns into like money laundering, but cheese. Yeah. So they just fucking funnel it in with like legit distribution companies.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:09

You know what cheese no one is stealing? Nacho cheese. That's nacho cheese. It's not your cheese. No, but I mean like seriously, I love nacho cheese. No, I I don't know if it's considered nacho cheese, but like that carnival cheese, it's like that Velveeta melted gross, like you know what I mean. Like it's not even cheese.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:26

I grew up poor, dude. I like Velveeta.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:29

I don't, I don't, I'm probably doing it wrong, whatever I'm saying, but like I you know, you know what I'm talking about. Like at Little League rec baseball, rec softball, like they sell at the snack bar and they have cheese fries.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:41

Yeah, with the cheese. Oh god. Oh, I love it. Fuck yeah. Just oil. That's my shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:45

It's just oil. It's like burnt oil itself. The fuck out of the cheese. So it's it's not, it's basically cheese whiz, but like melted down. And it's 7-Eleven Nacho cheese. Disgusting. Movie theater nachos. Disgusting. I like it.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:57

It's amazing. I think it's delicious. Nope. Yeah. I think it's fucking fair channel.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:07

I know I'm fat.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:09

I'm always impressed when I learn new fat things because I too uh am a connoisseur of all things obese. Oh yeah. Dude, when I went to the hospital and found out I was diabetic, my fucking uh my glucose was like 613. Yeah. Uh so I'm a connoisseur of being overweight for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:34

When I bought the coffees today, um I was like, oh, uh, you know, on a thicky thick. I go, this is for my diabetic friend, but he doesn't count. It doesn't count until after he drinks this. Then the diabetic count happens. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:49

I thought a little cannibalism for the day would be good. A thicky thick drinking a thicky thick.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:56

Hey, who's doing puns now? I will say the last time I went to the doctors, they were like, You're pre-diabetic, and I was like, I'm never coming back again. And I haven't.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:07

I only ever get bad news at the doctor, too.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:09

That's what I'm saying. Last actually, the really the last time I went, my dad died. So it's like it's not depressing, guys. It's valid not to go back.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:19

Um, might I remind you, no one gets hurt on this podcast, JP? Oh. No one dies.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:23

That is perfect.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:24

It might not hurt, you don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:28

Listen, my ghost dad might have other things to say.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

All right, we know censoring that joke. No one, no one wants to hear that joke right now. That's a late night joke only.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:42

I'm preaching to the guy in the other room, okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:45

It's only a late night joke, not before 11 a.m.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:49

Um, what do you got going on this week in comedy?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:52

Ooh, uh this upcoming week. Um, Loki, I'm gonna I'm gonna relax a little bit. I might hit up a proof bar, maybe Hermosa Beach Thursday night. I don't know. And then we got uh the Elks Lodge. That's right. On Saturday next week. We're all there. Yep. Yeah, I'm hosting and JJ's big time producing and on it, and then you're on it too.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:15

Yeah, I'm gonna go home stink the place up a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:17

That's right. I'm gonna walk the whole room. No, I'm kidding. I promise I won't.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:23

He's actually gonna come on his face on stage. It's gonna be no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:28

Comics never.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:34

It's not a prophet. Maybe it's fall, but it's not a problem. I'm just gonna put my legs behind my head and go to town. Jesus Christ. Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:45

Okay. Uh maybe uh next week we'll learn that you weren't the host of the show. I am not too petty to rip the mic out of your hands.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:58

I'll keep it clean, I promise. I know I can be clean sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:01

I'm like TLC. I don't want no scrubs. Okay, so alright. Uh yeah. Uh well, Thursday. I am going to be at a place called Lazy River. It's in San Diego. Uh they just move locations. I can't remember the bar it's at. It was at it used to be at Long Story Irish Pub, but it's an ocean beach. So um I I have to look and see what the address is again. It's another bar. It looks pretty cool. So um yeah, I'm hosting that one. So yeah, so I'll be doing that. And then that's a late night. It starts at eight o'clock. So um, yeah. No, I mean, like when you think about it, like it's about an hour and a half show, hour to hour and a half show, and then I guess you have to drive.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:40

Drive back.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:41

It's like an hour and a half to drive back. Yeah. So but it's valid. Yeah. So hopefully I'm hoping to work out some of my jokes for Saturday there, but we'll see. I feel it, it it's it's one of those things where it's like you do your joke like four times in a row and you get four different kinds of reactions. It's like it's so weird how sometimes I get a laugh here, sometimes I get no laugh here, I get a laugh here, sometimes I get a clap here, sometimes I get nothing.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:06

It's all subjective. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:08

So I mean, like, I was looking back at this the set I did last Saturday, and um, my golf jokes pretty much got nothing, zero, like nothing until I talked about Tiger Woods, and then it got some laughs, you know what I mean? Because everybody knows Tiger Woods, but like when I was talking about my husband coaching me, it was kind of like I think I don't know if it was going over people's head, I don't know what, but it was like, but other jokes were getting laughs, so it's like, and then I'll go to another room and I'll tell a golf joke, and I see a husband and wife, and the wife is like elbowing her husband, and the husband's laughing, and I'm like, so it's just it's weird. And it's like, how do you know? You know what I mean? Like, you don't know until you get to the audience, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:42

So and some of your jokes are like really clever, so they do go over people's heads sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:46

And that's what's hard because it's like I I I'm never going to be as fast as a Larry the cable guy, kind of a situation. Um, but I'd like to get into a rhythm where I could say it and people are catching up with it, you know what I mean? Where it's like But I think sometimes I have to sit in it for a minute to let it develop so people understand, you know? One one of the hardest comics for me to watch, but also one of the funniest, I think, is Dennis Miller. He is so okay. Well, he was on SNL, he used to be the weekend update guy. I highly recommend looking him up. But he is so cerebral. He's so smart. Like he'll make references to like Elizabethan times. And you're just like, like you would almost have to be in American history, English history, like revolutionary war history, like all the things that he references. You almost have to be an expert in all those fields to be able to catch the nuances of his jokes. But then he'll also like throw in something that's like lower level so you understand it, then he takes it back up to high level. And it's and it's really hard because then you don't want to be not laughing, but you also maybe don't understand what he's saying. So it's like, oh, what does he say? You know, but yeah, so but oh, you know, I was gonna say one other person that's really funny to watch that's a rapid fire is uh Jim Gaffkin.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:57

Oh clean comic too.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:58

Yes, yes, he is a surgeon, let me tell you. So we saw him in Vegas 10 years ago, and he literally his shows at 7 o'clock. He had no opener, he came out, hit the hit the mark at 7 o'clock. I love that, went non-stop, literally, barely taking any breaks. 8 p.m. Thank you so much, have a great night, and walked off the stage an hour surgery done. Yeah, it was amazing.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:24

Yeah, like pretty much a legend, you know. I think uh he'll go down in the hall of fame if he isn't already there.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:35

Well, I think part of it too is because he has the two voices that he works with, so he has like his voice, and then he like has like a whiny voice that he's like, whining me, say that, or whatever. And then like that that way he's able to like he plays off of the two voices, and that's an interesting skill that you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:51

He's he's also just like if you've ever heard him on podcasts, he's so eloquent. Oh, yeah. He's like very just fun to just listen to, and he gets real deep about it too.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:01

I believe he went to Georgetown, and I think he was like voted the funniest person at Georgetown.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:05

I think that's like how uh I was thinking, you know who else is like that? Uh Nate Bargazi.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:13

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:14

Yeah. I don't know if you know he's he's another clean comic.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

Uh I don't know where he's from, but uh, I think well he he's I believe he's from Tennessee. Yeah, uh, but then he came up in New York. And he he's interesting too because like um, you know, he he's always been clean, is my understanding. And and and again, it's one of those things where it's like it's his it's his delivery is a lot of it, you know. So how he delivers the joke. Because he's like he looks like a deer in headlights, and he's just like, but the and this is going back to our conversations before about being clean, like my cousins have gone to see him and they've taken their kids, and they have no qualms about taking the kids, you know. Interesting story too. Sorry, I don't mean to like, you know, but the same cousins were they live in Tennessee now, and they uh saw Joe Coy was gonna be at Macon, Georgia. So they drove down to Macon, Georgia to Joe Coy. Well, you're gonna love this story then. Let me tell you. So they're in a record store in my cousins, okay, in Macon, Georgia. Uh so it's my cousin who's like a couple years older than me, her husband, like we all were in high school basically at the same time together. Um, and then their kids who are now um in their 20s. And my cousin, my cousin, she decided, oh, I see a record store. Like I have grandma's old record player, I want to buy some records, which was you know, random. Like, you don't, you know, whatever. She goes in the record store and she's perusing the aisles, and all of a sudden her husband is like, Oh my gosh, to the daughter, you see who that is. It was Joy Coy in the record store. So then when Joy Coy realized that like they knew they recognized him, he like was like, Oh, hey, how's it going? And they're like, Oh my gosh, like we drove down to go to your show. And he was like, And he's like, No way. And he was like, Let me get your information. He had his person he was with, and um, he's like, I want to get your information, we want to hook you up, like da da da. So they didn't get like better seats per se, like that wasn't part of the hookup, but they got the VIP, VIP wristbands.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:05

Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:06

Yeah, and then after the show, they went down and they did like a whole meet and greet with him, and and and he couldn't have been nicer. They he he and his son gave him all sorts of swag, and um, they said he just was so nice. I I was like, that's so cool to hear, you know. And and he took pictures with them and like took pictures with them in the record store too. So super, super nice guy, from what they said.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:26

Yeah, so you know who's always taking pictures with famous people. You I wish Jesse Ace. Oh, yeah, Jesse, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:34

Yeah, he's like Jesse stays running in the fucking famous people, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:38

He just randomly will be like, yeah, I ran into like too short at the 7-Eleven or something.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:43

Yeah, or what was it? Sugar-free, a taco bell.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:46

I don't know, what the hell?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:47

A lot of it is though you people don't recognize outside of so, for instance, I mean, I got to go to the World Series when the Angels played the Giants, and I went to game seven, right? And I was in line to get go in and before the the gates open, and with one of my cousins. By the way, I have like a hundred cousins, so this is like when I say my cousins, like it's not just like one person, I have literally countless. So, um, and so we're standing in line to go into the game, and Arod walked past us, and no one in the line, like these are baseball fans, right? Arguably, they're all in line to go see the World Series. And this is 2002, so it's like A-Rod is still at the height, right, of his like fame, and he is not a small man, he is a large man, and he was wearing eight.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:31

He's like 6'30.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:32

I think he's actually like 6'5. He's really tall. Um, but he's wearing a suit, okay? No one in line is wearing a suit. So he he walks through the line, right? And I like elbow my cousin, and I'm like, dude, I'm like, A-rod. He's like, what? And he's like, I go, and then I because I didn't want to make a scene and have everybody like, you know, and my cousin's like, oh shit. And he like runs over. He made a scene. I mean, no one knows no one knew what was going on, but he he double backed and he's like, and he came back, he's like, Oh my god, it's a rock. And that my point just being like, as soon as he came back, he said it was a rod, then people like, but people, you if you're not like looking around and you're just keeping your head down, you don't see just another face in the crowd. Yeah, just another face in the crowd. But like, I mean, in some respects, it's kind of cool when you do recognize somebody and you actually like them. Like, one time my mom and I and my dad were at LAX, and we saw James Rail Jones, Darth Vader, right? Yeah, and we were in front of him in the escalator, and my mom is just like, I can't remember your name, but I just like you. She's like, field of dreams, you were just so good. And I was just like, oh my god, like it was just so funny. And then she's like, What was his name again? I'm like, oh my god, yeah, James Rolls. But like, I'm sure they get that all the time, too, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:42

So I've never run into a celebrity in the wild.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

Well, I mean, hello.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:47

Like, I've seen a few famous people. JP and me, hello.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:49

But like you'll be famous one day, and then people will be doing this to you.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:53

Oh, I will. There's no question.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:56

Yeah, it's like being at the comedy store, and you're like, I see 30 comics that I really want to say hi to.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:02

Yeah, and then you just don't.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:04

You should just be like, hey, love your shut, love your stuff, love your set. Like, that's all you need to, you know what I mean? You don't have to have a full-on conversation.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:10

Yeah, the most I've ever done, I fist bumped Jaime Garcia. That's right. But um, and then Jesse will pull up there and he's like, I'm taking pictures with everyone. That's awesome. I don't know where he gets the balls for.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:22

All right. Well, I think that that's our time today. So thank you so much for tuning in. Uh, hope hopefully we see you next week to all our 13 subscribers. Let's uh double it, all right?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:30

And thank you to our guest, JP, for coming out. Uh, we had a really good time. I hope so. Oh, yeah. Okay, you can catch them at uh JP Smiley46 on Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:41

Or pull up to the provisions in orange and on uh every other Tuesday night.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:47

Thank you so much.