No One Gets Hurt
JJ Jorgenson is a lawyer. Tonio is a felon. Together they talk about crimes, scams, schemes, comedy and more!
No One Gets Hurt
Orphans Eleven
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This week JJ & Tonio welcome special guest, Gil Chris.
Topics this week include comedy, a chemical spill, an oil spill, Orphanage scams and true tales from inside the IRS!
So this scenario is if a person has uh equity, right? If they have a a home, if they have an actual like bank account, if they have assets. Yes, right.
SPEAKER_00If you die with nothing, you're not gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_03If you have n okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02All right, listen up and no one gets hurt.
SPEAKER_00This is a podcast that focuses on crimes and scams where no one physically is harmed. This is a podcast for information and entertainment purposes only. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as legal advice.
SPEAKER_02So listen up and no one gets hurt. You already said that. Alright, well, don't forget to like and subscribe. And in the comments, tell us which game you'd like us to cover next. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00In the studio today, we have Gil.
SPEAKER_03What's up? How's it going? Good. Thanks for having me. I'm I'm excited to do this.
SPEAKER_00We're very excited to have you as well. Thank you, Tony.
SPEAKER_03Appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So um, gonna start a little bit unorthodox. Have you guys been watching the news? There's like some chemical leak that's happening in Garden Crowe right now. I have what like what is happening?
SPEAKER_02They're not being very forthcoming because, like, what the what even is the chemical? Has that been reported?
SPEAKER_00It's some kind of a methyl. Oh, and apparently, my friend just sent me a text message saying that residents are calling in to be like, hey, this is how you can fix the problem. And they're like, You guys need to stop. We we're gonna figure it out.
SPEAKER_02I know exactly what you did.
SPEAKER_03They're like, We need to go there, actually.
SPEAKER_02Why are you getting it exactly this? Yeah, they heard the meth and methyl and they were like, This is my time.
SPEAKER_00But it's like I guess it's like an aerospace, aerospace something. Like, I don't know. So I I don't I would think that there's some chemical engineers that would know like what the counter would be to like making sure it doesn't explode, but they're yeah, they're saying it could be a fireball, it could be a chemical leak, but they're not saying like what the repercussions could be, so I don't know.
SPEAKER_02There's no fucking I feel like before you create a chemical plant, you should probably create a safety plan. Maybe like I worked in a warehouse one time that was still kind of under construction, and I was driving a forklift, which you know has the overhead protection cage, and we still had to wear a hard hat right under the overhead protection cage, right? But now they're just gonna have a fucking chemical plant explode.
SPEAKER_00In Garden Grove, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I think they ran through all the safety procedures, and the last one that didn't fit on the page was like a leak, and they're like, A leak won't happen. Yeah, it's not gonna happen, it won't happen in a million years.
SPEAKER_00And a leak is slow, it's a slow leak, so it's gonna be fine.
SPEAKER_03That shit is spraying like a fucking fire hose. Have you seen it? I seen it last night last night. It was coming out like a fountain. It looked beautiful, by the way.
SPEAKER_00But here, here's my here's my issue. Okay, so local news. I mean, I how do you take it seriously? Like, we have a chemical leak in Garden Grove. By the way, it's 72 degrees. And have you checked out this new barbecue pit? This is a great spot to eat at. I'm like, wait, barbecue, we're talking about barbecue, we're all we're talking about a chemical spill. Like, what's going on?
SPEAKER_02That's the news for you, man.
SPEAKER_00That's local news.
SPEAKER_03Local.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And it's where? It's in Garden Grove. Garden Grove, yeah. Nobody knows. It's like 15 minutes from here. Yeah. I we drove through it. Yeah. And I was driving like this.
SPEAKER_00Well, and then there's some other leak or something, or there's a like a leak in uh LA. I saw what? Like a some other kind of a leak going on.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, like underground.
SPEAKER_00Underground situation. Yeah. So it's like it's just yeah, they just want to redo. I think I'm kind of starting to feel like we're just trying to do a redo.
SPEAKER_03Popping holes through pipes.
SPEAKER_00Right. We started with the Palisades. Next, Garden Grow.
SPEAKER_02We gotta stop, we gotta start looking into who's investing in these areas. That's true.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyways, um, so I have to say, two compliments. Oh, okay. Do you do you accept compliments?
SPEAKER_02Oh, you don't have a choice to absolutely so I love compliments. You're gonna take these compliments and you're gonna love it.
SPEAKER_00So you had one of the best opening jokes I've seen was when we did the show together in Paramount at the Elks Lodge.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Because I think a lot of times I call it like a magic trick when someone is able to pull from the comedian before them and be able to take something like a little nugget and riff on it.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I love that. Me and Tonio were just talking about that earlier.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I feel like it's a favorite thing to do. Yeah, I feel like it's a super magic trick if you can do that. And a lot of times I think if it's because I mean not all the time, but some of the time, if you're constantly writing and you have topics, you know what I mean? Like you can almost pull from one of your topics to like plug it in. Like one time I did a I have an alligator joke and it's so random. And I the person who went after me started riffing about alligators, and I was like, whoa, like that's really impressive that she was able to do it so quickly. And then later she's like, Oh my gosh, I have had this alligator joke I've been sitting on, but I've never known how to like bring it in to the to the you know set. And she's like, by you doing your joke, it gave me the opportunity. Well, anyways, your joke. So he starts talking about uh Paramount High School and their mouse got mascot being the pirates. He he just written it that day, and I I I don't want to put you on the spot, but I do you remember it?
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, I so I I like doing that. It's some of my favorite things to do. But typically, uh like Paramount, I didn't grow up in Paramount, so I had to literally text my girlfriend. I had to text Amber and ask her, hey, what's the mascot? Because I remember it being a pirate. Uh-huh. So I had to like confirm, hey, like what was your mascot in high school? And I had a like a pirate-esque kind of joke about my mother and her, you know, having you know one leg. Oh, that's true. It's true. Oh, okay. It's 100% true. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's where the best comedy comes from, man. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, so he's like, he's like, oh, I went to high school, I'm a pirate. And then, like, you know what they say once you're a pirate, always a pirate. And then like everybody like buys into it, and then and then And then what what did I say? He's like, it's like my mom's a pirate too.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But she didn't go to Paramount High School, it's because she has one leg.
SPEAKER_02Anyways, and like that's so fucking good.
SPEAKER_03So I was I was looking for a good tie-in, and that was like the perfect place. It was so good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And then the other joke which made me like fall in love with your comedy, is the uh Orphan joke.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, fucking God. Yep. That's one of the one of my favorite jokes that I've ever heard from any comic, by the way. Appreciate it. Fuck it so fucking good. We're not gonna spoil it on the podcast, but god damn, it's so fucking good.
SPEAKER_00I mean, to have my husband out of all of the comics we heard the night of whatever open mic it was, my husband he he's pretty tough critic. I mean, he's critic, tough critic of me too. Like he'll be like, So where's the funny part? Like he's like, Are you sure you should try it? But like he's like secretly like, no, it needs to work, you know. But he literally is like, that joke is so good, it's so clever, it's so quick.
SPEAKER_02It's completely well-rounded, and you do not fucking see it coming. Yeah, really?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, for sure. No, yeah, you do you do like a sleight of hand over here, you do a little bit of this over here, and then all of a sudden, boop, and you're like, Oh my god, it's so genius.
SPEAKER_02Yep, and just when the whole crowd's like, Where is this going? You find out where it's going, and it's it's so fucking thank you.
SPEAKER_03I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's a great fucking joke.
SPEAKER_03It it took me like that was like two pages of like handwritten stuff, and I didn't get to where I was going until like the last line, and I I started cutting it down from that, and I was just like, all right, cool.
SPEAKER_00Isn't that so interesting? Like, you do start with so much information and then you just whittle it down, whittle it down, whittle it down.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's interesting. It's it's fun, like it's like one of my favorite things to do is writing. Out of all comedy, uh, writing is like performing maybe third or fourth thing, but writing is is my absolutely favorite thing to do.
SPEAKER_02I hate writing. Like, I'm yeah, I'm so glad my life is insane so the comedy just writes itself because I fucking hate it, dude.
SPEAKER_00I my one of my favorite things is like when you're able I transitions are so hard, you know. And I I like when you've got all these different jokes, and when you're starting to put together a set, and all of a sudden it dawns on you, like, oh my gosh, these two jokes like marry together, you know what I mean? And then it's so it's so beautiful when you can blend two jokes without saying, like, so anyways, speaking about blah blah blah, like when it just naturally can massage into.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but I think too, like when when you're going one subject to the other, it I it's okay, you don't need to bleed in. You can like they have non-sequitur jokes where one subject is completely different from the other subject. Like that to me, that's that's fun too, right? You can do so. You don't have to necessarily have one joke bleed into the other. It some of my favorite comedy is non-sequitur, you know, comedians that can just go from one subject to the other.
SPEAKER_02One of my favorites is Mitch Hedberg, bro. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh my fucking god, and like his they there's no transition, there's no like rhyme or reason, like it's just funny shit back to back to back. I was listening to one of his uh audio tapes or whatever on uh while I was working one morning, and I had to stop with like driving my forklift because I'm literally in tears fucking laughing so goddamn hard I couldn't see to drive anymore. Rest in peace to a goat, man.
SPEAKER_00No, I love him too, but like I love Mark Norman, his comedy, like it's so bizarre, but like not it's not bizarre, but it's like there's elements where it's like you're like it seems so pedestrian, and then all of a sudden he he turns it.
SPEAKER_02He's so good at misdirection. Misdirection. Yeah. So fucking so good.
SPEAKER_00And he doesn't have like a lot of like facial reaction, so you can't, you don't know where it's going. And then, but I he I've literally seen him do a topic where it starts here and it ends up here, and he bled it together, and I and it's amazing because you don't I feel like you don't see the bleed coming, like you're just like, where is this going? And it's like this beautiful, like you know, journey. So I I appreciate both. I'm just saying, like me personally, like when I'm able to put two jokes together, and I'm like, whoa, that's crazy that they're able to fit together, it's kind of weird.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, especially if you're if you have an old, like an old joke that you've been doing for a while, and then you have a new one, and then you find a similarity between the both, and you can you can have a callback somewhere.
SPEAKER_02The people love callbacks. Oh, absolutely. I would love to like maybe like dig into the psychology of why people love callbacks so much. Because I don't like I don't have a reasonable thing.
SPEAKER_03I think this this can be the theory is that because you've created something at the beginning, so everybody's together. You're so but when you call that joke back, it's like a familiar thing that they're something that they've done. That could be a life.
SPEAKER_02I mean, their brains are already like pre-wired to laugh at it again, right? Like my Snickers joke, for example, does it never like I've had it miss one time and I I don't think like it's a it's an okay joke. It's kind of mid to me at this point, but like it kills just because of the callback. Uh and I I would love to dig into the psychology of that.
SPEAKER_03There's a book out there. There's a book out there that talks about that. I'm actually about to take a psych class. Are you really? Nice, dude.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm uh going to school for addiction counseling.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Psychology is so fun to study, dude.
SPEAKER_02I kind of did like a uh intro to psychology when I was a kid, and then I read a bunch of psychology textbooks when I was in prison. So I'm kind of familiar. Uh but being having actually being taught a course would be pretty fucking neat, I think.
SPEAKER_03What are you starting with first? Uh intro to psych. Just uh like psych 101 or something like that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well he started in the psych ward and then I've been there three times.
SPEAKER_03So you did field and field work first. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02It had to be my internship. First hand experience. First, I think that's what's gonna make me a really good addiction counselor, because like I I was there, bro. Like, and like it's it's possible to overcome it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Also, you're not a quitter, so they're uh for the most part, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Until it came to drugs.
SPEAKER_00Well, um, the reason I even bring up the orphanage joke is what I like to try to do is I like to try to find a crime that that maybe fits in with a joke that I like that the guest has told.
SPEAKER_02Orphan crimes.
SPEAKER_00Orphan crimes.
SPEAKER_02Whoa, hell yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or something that maybe I think the guest might find interesting. So I in this instance I was able to find an interesting, in my opinion. It's got a lot of weird loophole, like um it endings that don't really like add up, but uh I didn't kill my family, by the way.
SPEAKER_03Just what?
SPEAKER_00I did not it's weird because you don't have to kill your family to be an orphan.
SPEAKER_03Okay, all right. Well, I served them uh soda and cupcakes, but that's what never mind, diabetes. Don't all right, let's go. Let's go. I'm sorry to cut you off.
SPEAKER_00No, you're not cutting me off. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_03So you were trying to kill me with the conscience, I get it. Oh shit, I'm subconsciously trying to kill everybody around me.
SPEAKER_02I guess no one gets hurt on this podcast, bro. You can't be doing that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, sometimes the person who did the did the fraud, they might get hurt, but but like for the most part, this that has happened, yeah. Uh there was a guy named Soapy Smith. Have you ever heard of him? That's a good one. I think it was episode two, maybe.
SPEAKER_02It was episode two. Yeah, Data and Smoke. Soapy. Soapy. What the fuck? I hit that joint a little too hard before coming back.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. That's actually so so uh just to give you an idea on the Soapy Smith, just so you know, the term con man possibly comes from this gentleman named Soapy Smith because it's from a confidence man. So like back in the days when they would do like shell games.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00So they were they exuded so much confidence that people would buy into whatever or like sales, like they would the people were Sobey Smith was selling like uh soap bars, and he would say there's like a five-dollar bill in it, let's say, but only one out of ten, so you have a chance at winning a five-dollar bill in the soap bar. And it was because there it was he was selling to miners, not like young people, but like mining people. And so um he, I mean, there could have been people that were minor miners, but whatever. Um, anyways, and so people would be confident to or that people feel like they had confidence in him to buy the soap. And so then, because of that, then it's like, oh, well, I didn't get the five dollars. This guy's a con man, so that's who knows. That's that's one of the uh things that we we learned, possibly allegedly.
SPEAKER_03Anyway, I like that. It makes sense, yeah. Confidence, okay. It does make sense, yeah. Yes, you're putting so much confidence in what you're doing, even though it's pretty bad. Right. Yes. I bet he also had a mustache.
SPEAKER_00Yes, probably.
SPEAKER_03I heard if you have a mustache, people don't they they they lose like you're you're less likely to be trusted. Oh really? That's what I heard. And a beard, too. And glass. It's like just take me off camera at this point.
SPEAKER_00Well, what one of my jokes is that I because I was facial hair. When I was a kid, I had a mustache. And um I might still, I don't know. But anyways, um, but I in my joke, I'm like, I say how I was still in Girl Scout cookies, I look like a Fidel Castro because I had my green uniform and a sash and a mustache. And I'm like, yeah, but it turns out people really trust a salesman when they have a mustache. So but maybe they don't. I don't know. That's just me trying to bleed a joke together.
SPEAKER_03So that was uh uh I who did I hear that from? Uh it was like a YouTube video about stand-up. Like when I was first getting into stand-up, I watched all these YouTube videos, and one of them was I think it was r uh Ralphie May's like masterclass or something like that that he used to do at the comedy store. And one of them, no, I it wasn't Ralphie wouldn't say that. I think it was it was another video, never mind. Uh they said that like to shave your face and it because of that reason of like or less like right, or even had they just had like random stuff like don't date any of the bar staff, and I'm just like what?
SPEAKER_00And then well, that's just good HR.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's just common sense. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02If I shave my face though, I look like I'm not allowed in school zones. Yeah, yeah. So bearded is yeah, you look good in a beard, keep it. Thanks, man.
SPEAKER_00Well, a lot of politicians you see don't have beards and mustaches, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Which is crazy. Like, it's 2026, bro. Like get tattoos and grow a beard.
SPEAKER_03It's fine. There's a lot of people that have tattoos that are have like really good prominent jobs.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Dude, you've for sure. I was in the hospital over the weekend and like every other nurse is like slugged up, dude. And you would have never seen that 20 years ago when I was a kid. Absolutely. Never in a million years.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, I mean, it's interesting. Some people have still have like I there's attorneys that will make sure that they have their uh sleeves.
SPEAKER_02I feel like that's a little different.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, because you don't want to as an attorney, just in my opinion, you don't want to project any sort of image about yourself at all. Like you are just an attorney. Like you don't want to fucking I think we discussed this before where you don't want to pull up in like a fucking Aston Martin, but you also don't want to pull up in a fucking 92 Toyota Tacoma, like you have to find that middle ground right if you're just seeing if your lawyer is driving a uh Toyota, you're going to jail. You never know, man. Toyotas are good cars, they last forever. Yeah, I'd be more worried if mine pulled up in a Aston. I want my lawyer to wear tattoos.
SPEAKER_00I wonder if there's any lawyers. What lawyer is the lawyer that has tattoos? Is it your criminal defense attorney? Is it your estates planning? There's different lawyers, right? Yes.
SPEAKER_03I have no clue.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03My general lawyer.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03Is that is that a thing or no?
SPEAKER_00I mean, it's not like an internist. It's like an internist doctor. It's like you go to that. I mean, maybe, but you know, then there's like for personal injury, there's medical malpropriates. There's just like different so many kinds, yes.
SPEAKER_03Different types of laws, right?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yeah. Like if you have an attorney in California and then you go to Texas and you commit a crime in Texas, potentially your California attorney can't help you in Texas. But they can, they can states.
SPEAKER_03States have different law. Oh my God.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So they have this thing called ad hoc fiche, and then the California attorney can sit in and help you on your Texas case. But it depends because, like, so my husband, he's ad hoc fiche uh in other states.
SPEAKER_03Sounds delicious.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it is. It sounds like ceviche or something.
SPEAKER_03It sounds like ceviche, and I love ceviche.
SPEAKER_00He's like a ceviche because he's like an appetizer, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03But what does ad hoc mean? Because I've I've seen that before.
SPEAKER_00It's uh Latin. Uh it's probably meaning, oh, I'd have to look it up, honestly. I just I just know like the context, ad hoc V C mean, you want to it's A, yeah. It's A D.
SPEAKER_03H-O-C, right?
SPEAKER_00I believe H O C and then V C is V-I-C-E.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So basically he goes he has a client that had uh a lawsuit against them in North Carolina, but he did a really good job for them in another case. So they were like, we want you to represent us in North Carolina.
SPEAKER_02Roughly for this occasion.
SPEAKER_00Okay, that's right. Yeah. So um, so then he has an attorney in North Carolina that knows all the like local procedural filings, whatnot, but he handles the big ticket items and he does most of the case, and he but he has to ask permission of the state of North Carolina to be able to do the ad hoc VJ. So yeah. Yeah. Anyways, interesting on this episode of Legal Ease. Back to the orphanage. So I'm sorry, I didn't read it. No, no. I love it. No, this is how the whole purpose of it. So, okay. So um, this is a 2014 crime, okay, and it happens in New York, uh Northwest New York in a place called Corfu. Yeah. So um, Julie Keller, she is talking to someone. Someone online named Eric Holder. Not that Eric Holder, but I don't he was an attorney general at one point. Yeah. Okay. So for I think the the Obama administration.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna ask actually.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Eric Holder for the Obama administration. Right, right, right. So um it could have been, I don't know, allegedly. We don't know, but I don't think we ever find out who Eric Holder actually is. But so um basically she is collecting money for an African orphanage, and she takes money from the victims and she puts them into her bank account, and then she sends the butt money to offshore banks. And the offshore banks were like, hey, this is some suspicious activity, this doesn't seem right, we're gonna shut these accounts down.
SPEAKER_02I know somebody who that happened to here in California. Oh really? Actually, yeah, she's about to get a huge fucking settlement for it.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's fucking crazy.
SPEAKER_00Uh like she's gonna get a settlement uh for that happening.
SPEAKER_02Like when she was a kid, she was in an orphanage and the the like a group home or whatever, and the lady that was supposed to be like taking care of them was just fucking taking all the money and going to Vegas and gambling and doing all kinds of shit. Wow and like leaving the kids with like no food in the house and shit.
SPEAKER_00So that like was a foster situation? Okay, yeah. So this is she she's believing and she's telling people that there's a allegedly that there's a uh orphanage in Africa that their money's gonna go to, but it never goes there. It and and that's there's not a lot of information on this case. It was based on review of articles on the FBI website that I reviewed, but it wasn't like they didn't give a lot of like what she did with the money, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00But so she so she didn't know, like she didn't know maybe at first that that was what's happening, but then she turned a blind eye to it. All right. But what I found interesting is that there was like a little footnote at the bottom, and it was like how sh who was involved in the investigation, and it was the United States Postal Boston Division. So I'm like, why was the US Postal Division you know involved in this?
SPEAKER_02They don't fucking play, boy.
SPEAKER_00So what happens is Keller, it is she it turns out she's a mail carrier.
unknownOh no.
SPEAKER_00So she apparently also has a crime where allegedly that she um set up uh rental properties and was advertising them on Craigslist. And then she would get into a back and forth with a potential renter and she would say, Okay, you need to give me your deposit via um Zell and money order. I want half of it via or not like a PayPal or Venmo or whatever, and I want the other half to be money order, and then the person would comply and then they would never get the keys to the apartment or the condo or the house, and Miss Keller would ghost them and she would just disappear. So they would give her money and then she would just leave. And so it was the same kind of idea. She was putting, she had it in her accounts, and then she was sending it to offshore accounts, and then the offshore banks were like, This seems really suspicious. So they started shutting it down. And so basically, because she's a mail carrier, somehow they were able to figure this out that she was a mail carrier, and that's how I don't know why it was Boston, but somehow by because I mean that's why I said Northwest New York, which isn't next, because I'm I looked it up on the map because I'm like, well, maybe she was like in a neighboring town or something to you know the northwest or the the northeast, like one of the northeast states. No, she was on the opposite side, so I don't know how Boston got involved, but yeah, so she got found out that she was conducting this fraud with Craigslist.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm telling the the the post office or whatever, I forget what their the department is called or whatever, but they're like police, yeah. Like in my opinion, it's like IRS them.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02The fuck the FBI and the DEA and all that other shit, the fucking the the postmarshals or whatever they're called, they do not fucking fuck around.
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah. Well, so so um another thing I found very interesting, I don't know why, but the judge in the case, it was uh judge uh John Sinatra Jr. But Sinatra, I just thought that was funny.
SPEAKER_02Like no relations, I don't think so.
SPEAKER_00But like, can you imagine like that's your last name, Sinatra? Like, that's a that's a pretty and you're a judge, and you're a judge because Sinatra may or may not have been involved with some mobster ties.
SPEAKER_01There's some Lammy Moon.
SPEAKER_03He sings that he sings that song to the lady. That's crazy, dude.
SPEAKER_00The best is yet to come, so babe, won't that be back? That's live.
SPEAKER_02I love that kind of music.
SPEAKER_00That's I did it my way.
SPEAKER_03She's like, she's like getting going to jail. That's live. You fucked up.
SPEAKER_00Um, so yeah, so she ended up being convicted of wire fraud. She was sentenced to a year.
SPEAKER_02Wire fraud, boy.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03Get you every time.
SPEAKER_00I know. Restitution up to $162,000.
SPEAKER_03So how much did she and how much did she get from do you know how much?
SPEAKER_00They think that she defrauded up to $182,000. But again, I couldn't tell if it was straight from Craigslist, if it was to the or African orphanage, or if it was like a combination of both. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03What would possess her to be like, you know what? It it don't get me wrong, it's a really good operation, right? Like to she must be a really good talker. She must be really good at at No, I mean think about it.
SPEAKER_00You were on Craigslist, you don't have to do much. You just had so and um, so it was basically the US Postal Service got a a tip from the one of the individuals that she had defrauded. And then I don't know how they got the tip, but then they or however the detective got involved and then did all the research and was able to unravel it.
SPEAKER_02So there are I do know this actually, there are third-party non-government companies that monitor suspicious bank activities. Yes, and the banks report it to these companies, and the companies will go through it uh and be like, okay, this does look suspicious, or nah, this it looks a little out of the ordinary, but they'll do investigations and then they'll send it to what it the police or whatever uh department wherever they're at. Um so there are like and they have their government contracted um like top secret clearance and all that shit. So there are companies that will do that.
SPEAKER_00Well, I you know why they probably do that, right? It goes back to rule number two, pay your taxes. So I think that's one of our jokes. Like, we're like, rule number one, like don't live beyond your means when you're doing these tries. Rule number two, pay your taxes, because that's always seems to be how they get figured out.
SPEAKER_03So she didn't pay, she's not. I don't know. I don't know about that.
SPEAKER_00I'm just saying in this instance, like what Tonio is saying in terms of like they had they have people that uh review your bank accounts or whatever for suspicious activity. I'm sure is this part of the suspicious activity is um oh, you deposited a hundred thousand dollars, but you're saying you're only claiming that you make fifty thousand dollars. So why aren't you paying your taxes on a hundred thousand dollars?
SPEAKER_03Greedy, greedy, I'm telling you.
SPEAKER_00Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered.
SPEAKER_03Yep. That hogs. I'm terrified of the IRS, bro.
SPEAKER_02Are you really? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03They're in suits, dude. They'll come and get you.
SPEAKER_02Bro, I've said this on almost every episode, bro. Like, they the feds couldn't pin Al Capone on multiple murders that he made in broad daylight in front of people, and the IRS put his ass in Alcatraz.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I once you start messing with the government's money, dude.
SPEAKER_02Facts, bro. They're just fucking pimps, they just want their cut.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's it.
SPEAKER_03You don't give them their cut, they're they're after you. Facts, dude. They'll come after your your kids, your kids' money. Oh, yeah. I have an interesting children's.
SPEAKER_02I have an interesting tidbit about that for a little bit later. They'll grab you. They do not fuck around.
SPEAKER_00That's right. I'm scared. That's the end of my story. So what do you got for us?
SPEAKER_02Well, cool, then I'll bust out my interesting tidbit. So my brother uh actually is an IRS fucking he works for the IRS and he does these investigations, like he will pull up to your front door. Hey, you owe us money, bro. Scary. Yeah, dude. And uh he was telling me about this guy. Have you ever heard the term sovereign citizen?
SPEAKER_00I feel like I have.
SPEAKER_02I feel like as a lawyer, you probably should have. But I guess you're a different kind of lawyer, so it's like I'm a different kind of lawyer. So scared.
SPEAKER_00I'm not a regular lawyer, I'm a criminal lawyer.
SPEAKER_02Write that down. So the term singing with the judge flammy chilling wine t-shirt. That's so fucking good. Uh, what was I saying?
SPEAKER_00Uh, you're saying a sovereign citizen.
SPEAKER_02Sovereign citizen uh refers to somebody who lives in the United States but doesn't believe that they have to follow the laws of the United States, which yeah, bro. Like people believe this shit. Like they have like documents and all kinds of shit. So, you know, I'm a sovereign citizen. Like Wesley Snipes. I've seen a bunch of nah because the IRS got his ass too. I'm like, you don't have to pay taxes. Yeah, no, the IRS got his ass.
SPEAKER_03When somebody starts saying you don't have to pay taxes, and this shit happened.
SPEAKER_02Uh and I've seen videos of these people being pulled over and they're like, I don't need a license, I'm a sovereign citizen. And the cops like, step out of the car, bro.
SPEAKER_00So funny you're about to be a sodomized citizen.
SPEAKER_01Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_02We're leaving that in. Uh so he was telling me about this one particular guy where he didn't pay any taxes at all. Whoa. Yeah. And like he was making a good amount of money. Um and so like my brother fucking hit him up and was like, hey, you owe us money. You know what I mean? And the guy was like, send him back a whole bunch of fucking nonsense about how he was a sovereign citizen or whatever. Um, and then he was like, uh, I encourage you to read this publication. And so he sent him the link to the publication. Oh no.
SPEAKER_00It was a publication he wrote that he was selling on Amazon about how to not fucking pay your taxes, right? How much? How much was he selling it for, though?
SPEAKER_02Uh that's a good question. $9.99. I was I was I'm gonna look it up and I'm gonna put it right there because I'm curious. Oh, that's um, I'm gonna put the price. I'm not gonna put the link down in the show description. No, fuck that guy.
SPEAKER_01Read it.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, uh and fucking guess who he worked for? Oh god.
SPEAKER_00I mean, it could be anybody.
SPEAKER_02The fucking government.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. He was fucking worked for the goddamn government, dude.
SPEAKER_00Which is weird because then he has like his money taken out of his paycheck. You would think that he'd work for somebody that was like under the table, you know.
SPEAKER_02Right. Yeah. Uh my brother was saying that in most instances instances, I asked him what the exceptions were. He didn't answer me for whatever reason. Probably he can't. Uh, but in most instances, you're all of your income is reported to them.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02Um, right.
SPEAKER_03That's how it usually works, right?
SPEAKER_02I thought it was in every instance, but apparently there are some exceptions, but I I didn't get to the bottom of that.
SPEAKER_00Well, I think like that's why a lot of times servers want to pay, get their and like nail technicians want to get paid tips and cash.
SPEAKER_02Try to pay in cash.
SPEAKER_00So then that way they don't they can be a little more clever in how they report their taxes because cash is not traceable, right? But they but you don't want to be too aggressive because then when you go to try to buy a house or you try to like whatever, do something, and then you have to report to get a loan, how much you make then you then you're like, oh no, I have yeah, yeah. So you gotta be careful because then the government can look at that document and be like, wait a second, here you told us you're making this much, now you're making this, you know.
SPEAKER_03So wait, so hold on. So when when you work, right, you fill out your W2, and then at the end of the year, they know how much you make, but doesn't the government take taxes out of your paycheck every like week or two weeks?
SPEAKER_00No, so that's payroll taxes, I think you're talking about possibly. Then they also take out hold on there's different taxes. Well, no, so so so there's so maybe, maybe, maybe that's actually I think being American is so confusing.
SPEAKER_02Paying taxes is fucking confusing.
SPEAKER_00Your employer pays, I think, payroll taxes, so you're not, but you're getting money taken out for social security.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00And for unemployment, like unemployment, I believe, for the state of California, I believe that's something that gets pulled out. But you know, no, it's literally like I so you pay taxes on your um, so your your employer pays payroll taxes for paying you, right? And then you're paying income taxes. Yeah, right. If you own a home, you have property taxes, okay? Um, and then if you die, then you you pay a basically it's called the the estate tax. Right. So so now you're paying a your your heirs or whoever it takes over your you know, whatever money you have left, they have to pay money back to the government because you died.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_00Like what?
SPEAKER_02Anytime money exchanges hands, the government wants their peace, bro.
SPEAKER_00And then they also don't tell you how much they want. You have to figure out how much they want. And then if you mess that up.
SPEAKER_02That's the crazy thing to me. Yeah, like why can I tell you that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, but I can't tell you how to do my fucking taxes.
SPEAKER_00Right. The government's like, we want money from you. We're not gonna tell you how much. Yeah, we're gonna let you guess, and then we'll tell you if you're right. And if you're wrong, you go to prison. How about that?
SPEAKER_02I asked my brother why it was like, why is it like that one time? And he was like, Cuz fuck you, bitch. And I was like, God damn, it's fucked up. They don't fucking, they don't play and they don't care. They want their cut.
SPEAKER_03Let's go back to the death tax, okay? So you get you wait, hold on. So how does the death tax work?
SPEAKER_02So like it's exchanging hands.
SPEAKER_00Like so basically, like, if you don't have a tr and I'm this is again not my area, but my understanding like if you don't have a trust, and there's certain you have to have certain kinds of trusts. You have to have trust in your trust.
SPEAKER_03No, I don't, huh?
SPEAKER_00Anybody, anybody can have a trust, yeah. So, like, so like let's say like you have a home and you have a child and you want to have your child take your home, you have to put it into a certain kind of trust. Don't take legal advice from me, kids, because I don't know this area of law, but uh it's been a long time. But basically, you have to put it in a certain type of trust. I think it's like an irrevocable trust, and then if you like when you die, then your children can take over the home, and then it's like in the trust, and then they just have to pay property taxes on it and like whatever's owed on it, right? But if you don't have it in a trust, and then they go to sell the house, then they have to any kind of um, I think like any kind of uh equity that's been built up in the home, they have to pay, they have to pay a tax on that.
SPEAKER_03So this scenario is if a person has uh equity, right? If they have a a home, if they have an actual like bank account, if they have assets. Yes, right.
SPEAKER_00But if you die with nothing, you're not gonna have okay. Yeah. Could you imagine you're like dead?
SPEAKER_02The IRS digs you up and runs your pockets, like not so fast. I'll be taking all those chains you were buried with.
SPEAKER_03That's what I was so confused. Because I was like they come repo your headstones because my parents, my parents that you know, gone, and I'm just like, okay, like I was supposed to get taxed or whatever. Like, when am I gonna have to pay for this, guys? We're good.
SPEAKER_00It depends on the way you like how you I would say politically, you know, certain people would call it a death tax. Okay, certain people call it an estate tax. Okay, so but it's the same tax.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00It's the same thing. So it's just people that are unhappy with that tax call it the death tax. People that are like want more money from other people, like they would call it an estate tax. That's I mean, that's I think that's how you could probably break it down.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, a rose by any other name still has to pay taxes.
SPEAKER_00Yes, exactly. So, but again, I am not a Wills and Trusts attorney. So don't please see your tax professional.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, just a reminder that this is not constitute a current attorney client privilege, by the way. Or advice. I is not legal medical advice at all.
SPEAKER_00Definitely not medical advice, but that's another podcast. Um, I think it's Joe Rogan's podcast. That's a joke. That's a joke to be made. Easy, relax, relax. But if you have comments, come fight us in the comments. I love it.
SPEAKER_02So come fight me in fucking person. Yeah. Please, let's get some stress out.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so your brother.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah, so long story short, the guy didn't want to pay his taxes, so they started fucking.
SPEAKER_00They started fucking?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Big time. He was like, we're taking this in ass cash or grasp.
SPEAKER_00Is that we're this is that we're gonna work it off? We're gonna fucking.
SPEAKER_03If the government did that, fine. They've been doing it my whole life. Just do it, just get over it.
SPEAKER_02Just don't look me in the eye when you do it. At least spit on it first. Uh they started garnishing his wages, obviously, and and fucking taking everything, uh, all his assets coming in. And uh so he called and was like, Hey, if you let this check come through, I'll do whatever you want, kind of thing. Yeah, and my brother was like, Nah, you'll do whatever I want, and then we'll start giving you your fucking money. Uh so he paid, obviously.
SPEAKER_00Um, but against his will.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, absolutely. For sure, he didn't want to, but he did it. Um, and the the thing that I learned from him that I found most interesting, did you know that there's a website that an IRS website where you can go on there and bid on the things that they're selling?
SPEAKER_00No, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like they yeah, bro. Like they let's say you fucking owed them taxes and they took your house. Uh-huh. Now it's on this website and you can bid on it.
SPEAKER_00No, it makes sense.
SPEAKER_02And all the stuff inside of it, too? Probably, yeah, I would imagine.
SPEAKER_00Well, it kind of goes back to like the bankruptcy. There's receivers in a bankruptcy action. And then my understanding is that when you're a receiver to a bankruptcy action, like someone's filing bankruptcy and they have all these assets, the receiver takes it, and then they have they're responsible for like making it sure it gets sold, and then the money goes to the um like the the first in line creditors or whatever. So again, I'm getting probably terms wrong. My apologies, but um, again, that's not my area of law. Just say that's for every area of law. Like, no, actually, the area I practice in, I don't practice in.
SPEAKER_03So can I ask you what your area of law is? Are you are you able to yes?
SPEAKER_00I'm able to tell you, and then he'll just dub you.
SPEAKER_03But have you have you you talked about it before? Um, it's okay.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I I don't really talk about it too much, but it's fine. I don't care. Um, it's I do work comp defense, so I defend insurance companies um for when people get injured at work.
SPEAKER_01So okay.
SPEAKER_00And usually when I get the case, it's it's usually because there's something more than just a straightforward like you fell, it's a complicated Usually, yeah. It's like it's someone break if you fell at work and you broke your leg and you went to the doctor and you got a cast on it and you figured out you want to go back to work, I'm not getting that case. But if you got an attorney and then the attorney's like, well, you know, it's causing him to have some sexual dysfunction and then psychological issues, and oh yeah, by the way, his eye hurts now, and like and and like and not if it and it's like it doesn't it doesn't make sense, like it doesn't track with the initial injury. Oh, yeah. That's usually when I get the case, yeah. Yeah, so yeah. I mean there's exceptions, of course, but yeah, so yeah, I had a case one time where the guy um he he was ch he was a mechanic and he was fixing a sign and he fell and he broke his leg, but he had it was a compound fracture, so the bone stuck out, okay. And um he had diabetes, and so because of his diabetes, they had to amputate his leg. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And um to self do not fall off any ladders.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So then what get so I actually inherited this case from another attorney in my firm. All right. And so one day the client calls up and then is like, hey, can you tell me why we're paying for this person to live in a hotel? And I'm like, what? We're paying for him to live in a hotel. This is so bizarre. So I kind of figured out it's like, oh, okay, well, so he was living at the mechanic's spot on the second floor, and there was only stairs. So there was no elevator. So because I'm like, how are you living on a second floor and there's no like I'm thinking apartment complex? I'm thinking you should have an elevator, right? Most likely. I mean, not all, but a lot, you know. So anyway, so um, no, so that's why we were paying for him to live in like an ADA compliant hotel. So, okay, cool. Then I find out, like, not that long after, they're like, Oh, he's getting kicked out of the hotel. And I'm like, What? Why is he getting kicked out of the hotel? Oh, because he's a registered sex offender.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00So then I call his attorney, I'm like, yo, did you know your boy's uh registered sex offender? He's like, Yeah, he's like, but I of course he knew. Well, he's like, I when I found out I had to have a real come to Jesus moment, whether or not I wanted to represent him or not.
SPEAKER_02And I'm like, There's no question there, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_00Well, I'm like, yeah, of course you wanted to represent him because it's a serious injury, which means serious money. So of course, you were able to divorce the fact that he was, you know, sex offender.
SPEAKER_02I would have told that I gotta get fucked.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what his charges were, but yeah, so anyway. I mean, I don't know, like you know, I don't know how like if it was a level one, level four, I don't remember, but I'm either way, I'm just saying like that was what was going on. So and then the hotels apparently like the long extended stays and stuff like that, they do periodic checks on their um patrons because they don't want registered sex offenders staying at their hotels, so for longer than 30 days, right? So yeah, but anyways, cool.
SPEAKER_02I'm looking forward to cutting all of that out. Boop, boop, boo. Just yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So, anyways, yeah, that's easy. Uh right cut from here. Okay, go. So your brother.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, that was pretty much the end of it. Okay. Uh he's saved himself from going to jail. Um, but if you do not pay those taxes, they will come get you. That was the message that I was trying to infer to. They'll get you, dude. They'll get you.
SPEAKER_00They won your money. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03They'll go, bro. Absolutely. It's not your money, it's their money.
SPEAKER_00That's right. You're just holding on to it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Well, anyways, before we end this episode, what do you got planned show wise? Got any shows coming up?
SPEAKER_03Uh, I do got uh a show that I'm doing in October. I know it's uh quite a long ways away.
SPEAKER_00Local?
SPEAKER_03But it's uh it's in Paramount. It's at a bar called uh Characters.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03And it's actually like an if if you like punk music and if you like psychability, like it's definitely a good show for you. I'm I'm hosting it and I'm I'm hosting it as a second thing you said uh Psychabilly. What the fuck is that? So psychability is a it's a subgenre of rockabilly. So it's uh it's rockabilly mixed in with punk. It oh that's cool. It's from England, it's like an England derived uh subgenre of meme.
SPEAKER_00Sounds like some but is it comedy? Is it gonna be a comedy show or no?
SPEAKER_02Oh no, I guess it depends on where you stand on rockabilly.
SPEAKER_03I I I'm in like I love the culture. Uh I used to be a big psychabilly, you know, uh growing up. So I I know the the culture. I see. And um so they want me to MC it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, cool.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so I'm I'm gonna MC the show and I'm gonna do Elvis. Nice. Um MCing as Elvis. They want me to do crowd work, they want me to host it. So that's awesome. You're gonna fucking kill it. I don't know how it's gonna go, but it's gonna be fun. It's a challenge. I'm gonna write some good uh Elvis stuff. So you're gonna kill it, bro. I'm pretty excited.
SPEAKER_00I I I feel like you gotta do the the Paramount Pirate joke again.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna yeah back. But the fun thing, and I'm excited about is I get to buy a costume. I love it. Oh yeah. I've been looking forward, I've been looking for uh I always look for uh reasons to buy costumes.
SPEAKER_00Love it, me too.
SPEAKER_03And getting an Elvis costume is has been on my list for about five years. So I'm a dream come true. I'm I'm excited. A reason for the season, yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_00And what what is your podcast?
SPEAKER_03My podcast is The Mind Buzz. Okay, yeah, I love it.
SPEAKER_00I love it.
SPEAKER_03I would like to have you guys on and talk about the podcast. We'd love it. This would be great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, love it, yeah.
SPEAKER_03That podcast I I do with my my girlfriend, Amber. So she's my manager, she's a producer, she co-hosts the podcast, and it it's fun.
SPEAKER_02So she does all the hard work and you just kind of sit there and talk about it. That's what I'm gathering.
SPEAKER_03Kinda a little bit. Oh yeah. No, she um you know, we've been doing the podcast together for the podcast, has been around for about five years, and she's helped me four years.
SPEAKER_00Love it.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02Shout out to Amber.
SPEAKER_00It's Amber sounds like a wonderful lady.
SPEAKER_03She's awesome. She writes she writes most of my roast jokes. Oh, really? No, she doesn't.
SPEAKER_00I was gonna say, you know, Jim Gaffigan and his wife actually are a writing team.
SPEAKER_03Are they really? Yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yep.
SPEAKER_03I run I run some stuff by her that I think that's the that's the fun part.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think that's great. Like again, kind of like how your husband, you know? Yes, yes, yes. That's yeah, he's he's like, um, so where's the funny part?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, he's a pretty hard so yeah, but you need that.
SPEAKER_00I know it's good. No, it's good.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely 100%, right? You can't you need those hard credits. Exactly. Yeah, you need them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's always he'll be like, you should try it. I'm like, okay, that means that means it's not terrible, but it's not there yet.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00If he says it's a complete joke, that means it's a it's done. So yeah, which I've only got. I think I've only got one or two of those. So oh gosh, I have um, I think June 2nd, uh the remix room.
SPEAKER_02Oh, you're on the show? Yes, hell yeah, I'm on that one too.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Um, and then uh I have uh Fair Trade, uh I think June 13th.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So those are my two that are coming up. So yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. What about you?
SPEAKER_02Uh you have a lot coming up. Yeah, I had to write them down. Uh I'm doing flappers tonight, actually.
SPEAKER_00So good.
SPEAKER_02Uh 9 30.
SPEAKER_00And then um Do you know what show, like what it who's on it?
SPEAKER_02It's uh there's a list of people I've never heard of any of the people, but there's supposed to be a celebrity guest.
SPEAKER_00Is it the Yu Who Room? It's the Yuho Room.
SPEAKER_02It's called uh Late Night Review or some shit like that. Uh it's pretty dope. Um looking forward to it. And then I have uh Russ and Friends at a place called Rudy's in LA.
SPEAKER_00Nice.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh. Um, and then uh the blend showcase on the 29th. Uh with JP and the guys. Shout out to the blend in orange. Uh remix room on the second, and then uh Chapman Crafted on the third.
SPEAKER_00Can I make a suggestion? Because I know you're on the committee for the blend.
SPEAKER_02Hit me.
SPEAKER_00I think this guy should be one of the what's the blend? You did it. You didn't open mic at provisions.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah. That place is so cool.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but they do a show once a month. And so I'm saying, I think the June show, I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_02Just saying. Absolutely. I'll fucking be able to do that. I'll do anything. Don't tell JP that. I'll do anything you ask me to.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah, that's my uh that's my week in comedy this week. Awesome. Very good. Nice, dude.
SPEAKER_00Well, thank you so much for joining us.
SPEAKER_03Dude, I had so much fun. This was so fun. It's been a fucking blast.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. Thank you for coming out.
SPEAKER_00Like and subscribe. See you next time.
SPEAKER_02Peace.
SPEAKER_00Yay. Thank you. Oh my god. Oh no.