Listen Up And No One Gets Hurt

Orphans Eleven

JJ Jorgenson, Tonio Season 1 Episode 12

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0:00 | 53:03

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This week JJ & Tonio welcome special guest, Gil Chris.
Topics this week include comedy, a chemical spill, an oil spill, Orphanage scams and true tales from inside the IRS!

SPEAKER_03

So this scenario is if a person has uh equity, right? If they have a a home, if they have an actual like bank account, if they have assets. Yes, right.

SPEAKER_00

If you die with nothing, you're not gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03

If you have n okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

All right, listen up and no one gets hurt.

SPEAKER_00

This is a podcast that focuses on crimes and scams where no one physically is harmed. This is a podcast for information and entertainment purposes only. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as legal advice.

SPEAKER_02

So listen up and no one gets hurt. You already said that. Alright, well, don't forget to like and subscribe. And in the comments, tell us which game you'd like us to cover next. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00

In the studio today, we have Gil.

SPEAKER_03

What's up? How's it going? Good. Thanks for having me. I'm I'm excited to do this.

SPEAKER_00

We're very excited to have you as well. Thank you, Tony.

SPEAKER_03

Appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So um, gonna start a little bit unorthodox. Have you guys been watching the news? There's like some chemical leak that's happening in Garden Crowe right now. I have what like what is happening?

SPEAKER_02

They're not being very forthcoming because, like, what the what even is the chemical? Has that been reported?

SPEAKER_00

It's some kind of a methyl. Oh, and apparently, my friend just sent me a text message saying that residents are calling in to be like, hey, this is how you can fix the problem. And they're like, You guys need to stop. We we're gonna figure it out.

SPEAKER_02

I know exactly what you did.

SPEAKER_03

They're like, We need to go there, actually.

SPEAKER_02

Why are you getting it exactly this? Yeah, they heard the meth and methyl and they were like, This is my time.

SPEAKER_00

But it's like I guess it's like an aerospace, aerospace something. Like, I don't know. So I I don't I would think that there's some chemical engineers that would know like what the counter would be to like making sure it doesn't explode, but they're yeah, they're saying it could be a fireball, it could be a chemical leak, but they're not saying like what the repercussions could be, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

There's no fucking I feel like before you create a chemical plant, you should probably create a safety plan. Maybe like I worked in a warehouse one time that was still kind of under construction, and I was driving a forklift, which you know has the overhead protection cage, and we still had to wear a hard hat right under the overhead protection cage, right? But now they're just gonna have a fucking chemical plant explode.

SPEAKER_00

In Garden Grove, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I think they ran through all the safety procedures, and the last one that didn't fit on the page was like a leak, and they're like, A leak won't happen. Yeah, it's not gonna happen, it won't happen in a million years.

SPEAKER_00

And a leak is slow, it's a slow leak, so it's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_03

That shit is spraying like a fucking fire hose. Have you seen it? I seen it last night last night. It was coming out like a fountain. It looked beautiful, by the way.

SPEAKER_00

But here, here's my here's my issue. Okay, so local news. I mean, I how do you take it seriously? Like, we have a chemical leak in Garden Grove. By the way, it's 72 degrees. And have you checked out this new barbecue pit? This is a great spot to eat at. I'm like, wait, barbecue, we're talking about barbecue, we're all we're talking about a chemical spill. Like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_02

That's the news for you, man.

SPEAKER_00

That's local news.

SPEAKER_03

Local.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And it's where? It's in Garden Grove. Garden Grove, yeah. Nobody knows. It's like 15 minutes from here. Yeah. I we drove through it. Yeah. And I was driving like this.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and then there's some other leak or something, or there's a like a leak in uh LA. I saw what? Like a some other kind of a leak going on.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, like underground.

SPEAKER_00

Underground situation. Yeah. So it's like it's just yeah, they just want to redo. I think I'm kind of starting to feel like we're just trying to do a redo.

SPEAKER_03

Popping holes through pipes.

SPEAKER_00

Right. We started with the Palisades. Next, Garden Grow.

SPEAKER_02

We gotta stop, we gotta start looking into who's investing in these areas. That's true.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyways, um, so I have to say, two compliments. Oh, okay. Do you do you accept compliments?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, you don't have a choice to absolutely so I love compliments. You're gonna take these compliments and you're gonna love it.

SPEAKER_00

So you had one of the best opening jokes I've seen was when we did the show together in Paramount at the Elks Lodge.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Because I think a lot of times I call it like a magic trick when someone is able to pull from the comedian before them and be able to take something like a little nugget and riff on it.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I love that. Me and Tonio were just talking about that earlier.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I feel like it's a favorite thing to do. Yeah, I feel like it's a super magic trick if you can do that. And a lot of times I think if it's because I mean not all the time, but some of the time, if you're constantly writing and you have topics, you know what I mean? Like you can almost pull from one of your topics to like plug it in. Like one time I did a I have an alligator joke and it's so random. And I the person who went after me started riffing about alligators, and I was like, whoa, like that's really impressive that she was able to do it so quickly. And then later she's like, Oh my gosh, I have had this alligator joke I've been sitting on, but I've never known how to like bring it in to the to the you know set. And she's like, by you doing your joke, it gave me the opportunity. Well, anyways, your joke. So he starts talking about uh Paramount High School and their mouse got mascot being the pirates. He he just written it that day, and I I I don't want to put you on the spot, but I do you remember it?

SPEAKER_03

Uh yeah, I so I I like doing that. It's some of my favorite things to do. But typically, uh like Paramount, I didn't grow up in Paramount, so I had to literally text my girlfriend. I had to text Amber and ask her, hey, what's the mascot? Because I remember it being a pirate. Uh-huh. So I had to like confirm, hey, like what was your mascot in high school? And I had a like a pirate-esque kind of joke about my mother and her, you know, having you know one leg. Oh, that's true. It's true. Oh, okay. It's 100% true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's where the best comedy comes from, man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, so he's like, he's like, oh, I went to high school, I'm a pirate. And then, like, you know what they say once you're a pirate, always a pirate. And then like everybody like buys into it, and then and then And then what what did I say? He's like, it's like my mom's a pirate too.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But she didn't go to Paramount High School, it's because she has one leg.

SPEAKER_02

Anyways, and like that's so fucking good.

SPEAKER_03

So I was I was looking for a good tie-in, and that was like the perfect place. It was so good.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And then the other joke which made me like fall in love with your comedy, is the uh Orphan joke.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, fucking God. Yep. That's one of the one of my favorite jokes that I've ever heard from any comic, by the way. Appreciate it. Fuck it so fucking good. We're not gonna spoil it on the podcast, but god damn, it's so fucking good.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, to have my husband out of all of the comics we heard the night of whatever open mic it was, my husband he he's pretty tough critic. I mean, he's critic, tough critic of me too. Like he'll be like, So where's the funny part? Like he's like, Are you sure you should try it? But like he's like secretly like, no, it needs to work, you know. But he literally is like, that joke is so good, it's so clever, it's so quick.

SPEAKER_02

It's completely well-rounded, and you do not fucking see it coming. Yeah, really?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, for sure. No, yeah, you do you do like a sleight of hand over here, you do a little bit of this over here, and then all of a sudden, boop, and you're like, Oh my god, it's so genius.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, and just when the whole crowd's like, Where is this going? You find out where it's going, and it's it's so fucking thank you.

SPEAKER_03

I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's a great fucking joke.

SPEAKER_03

It it took me like that was like two pages of like handwritten stuff, and I didn't get to where I was going until like the last line, and I I started cutting it down from that, and I was just like, all right, cool.

SPEAKER_00

Isn't that so interesting? Like, you do start with so much information and then you just whittle it down, whittle it down, whittle it down.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's interesting. It's it's fun, like it's like one of my favorite things to do is writing. Out of all comedy, uh, writing is like performing maybe third or fourth thing, but writing is is my absolutely favorite thing to do.

SPEAKER_02

I hate writing. Like, I'm yeah, I'm so glad my life is insane so the comedy just writes itself because I fucking hate it, dude.

SPEAKER_00

I my one of my favorite things is like when you're able I transitions are so hard, you know. And I I like when you've got all these different jokes, and when you're starting to put together a set, and all of a sudden it dawns on you, like, oh my gosh, these two jokes like marry together, you know what I mean? And then it's so it's so beautiful when you can blend two jokes without saying, like, so anyways, speaking about blah blah blah, like when it just naturally can massage into.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but I think too, like when when you're going one subject to the other, it I it's okay, you don't need to bleed in. You can like they have non-sequitur jokes where one subject is completely different from the other subject. Like that to me, that's that's fun too, right? You can do so. You don't have to necessarily have one joke bleed into the other. It some of my favorite comedy is non-sequitur, you know, comedians that can just go from one subject to the other.

SPEAKER_02

One of my favorites is Mitch Hedberg, bro. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh my fucking god, and like his they there's no transition, there's no like rhyme or reason, like it's just funny shit back to back to back. I was listening to one of his uh audio tapes or whatever on uh while I was working one morning, and I had to stop with like driving my forklift because I'm literally in tears fucking laughing so goddamn hard I couldn't see to drive anymore. Rest in peace to a goat, man.

SPEAKER_00

No, I love him too, but like I love Mark Norman, his comedy, like it's so bizarre, but like not it's not bizarre, but it's like there's elements where it's like you're like it seems so pedestrian, and then all of a sudden he he turns it.

SPEAKER_02

He's so good at misdirection. Misdirection. Yeah. So fucking so good.

SPEAKER_00

And he doesn't have like a lot of like facial reaction, so you can't, you don't know where it's going. And then, but I he I've literally seen him do a topic where it starts here and it ends up here, and he bled it together, and I and it's amazing because you don't I feel like you don't see the bleed coming, like you're just like, where is this going? And it's like this beautiful, like you know, journey. So I I appreciate both. I'm just saying, like me personally, like when I'm able to put two jokes together, and I'm like, whoa, that's crazy that they're able to fit together, it's kind of weird.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, especially if you're if you have an old, like an old joke that you've been doing for a while, and then you have a new one, and then you find a similarity between the both, and you can you can have a callback somewhere.

SPEAKER_02

The people love callbacks. Oh, absolutely. I would love to like maybe like dig into the psychology of why people love callbacks so much. Because I don't like I don't have a reasonable thing.

SPEAKER_03

I think this this can be the theory is that because you've created something at the beginning, so everybody's together. You're so but when you call that joke back, it's like a familiar thing that they're something that they've done. That could be a life.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, their brains are already like pre-wired to laugh at it again, right? Like my Snickers joke, for example, does it never like I've had it miss one time and I I don't think like it's a it's an okay joke. It's kind of mid to me at this point, but like it kills just because of the callback. Uh and I I would love to dig into the psychology of that.

SPEAKER_03

There's a book out there. There's a book out there that talks about that. I'm actually about to take a psych class. Are you really? Nice, dude.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm uh going to school for addiction counseling.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Psychology is so fun to study, dude.

SPEAKER_02

I kind of did like a uh intro to psychology when I was a kid, and then I read a bunch of psychology textbooks when I was in prison. So I'm kind of familiar. Uh but being having actually being taught a course would be pretty fucking neat, I think.

SPEAKER_03

What are you starting with first? Uh intro to psych. Just uh like psych 101 or something like that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Well he started in the psych ward and then I've been there three times.

SPEAKER_03

So you did field and field work first. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02

It had to be my internship. First hand experience. First, I think that's what's gonna make me a really good addiction counselor, because like I I was there, bro. Like, and like it's it's possible to overcome it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Also, you're not a quitter, so they're uh for the most part, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Until it came to drugs.

SPEAKER_00

Well, um, the reason I even bring up the orphanage joke is what I like to try to do is I like to try to find a crime that that maybe fits in with a joke that I like that the guest has told.

SPEAKER_02

Orphan crimes.

SPEAKER_00

Orphan crimes.

SPEAKER_02

Whoa, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Or something that maybe I think the guest might find interesting. So I in this instance I was able to find an interesting, in my opinion. It's got a lot of weird loophole, like um it endings that don't really like add up, but uh I didn't kill my family, by the way.

SPEAKER_03

Just what?

SPEAKER_00

I did not it's weird because you don't have to kill your family to be an orphan.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, all right. Well, I served them uh soda and cupcakes, but that's what never mind, diabetes. Don't all right, let's go. Let's go. I'm sorry to cut you off.

SPEAKER_00

No, you're not cutting me off. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03

So you were trying to kill me with the conscience, I get it. Oh shit, I'm subconsciously trying to kill everybody around me.

SPEAKER_02

I guess no one gets hurt on this podcast, bro. You can't be doing that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, sometimes the person who did the did the fraud, they might get hurt, but but like for the most part, this that has happened, yeah. Uh there was a guy named Soapy Smith. Have you ever heard of him? That's a good one. I think it was episode two, maybe.

SPEAKER_02

It was episode two. Yeah, Data and Smoke. Soapy. Soapy. What the fuck? I hit that joint a little too hard before coming back.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. That's actually so so uh just to give you an idea on the Soapy Smith, just so you know, the term con man possibly comes from this gentleman named Soapy Smith because it's from a confidence man. So like back in the days when they would do like shell games.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

So they were they exuded so much confidence that people would buy into whatever or like sales, like they would the people were Sobey Smith was selling like uh soap bars, and he would say there's like a five-dollar bill in it, let's say, but only one out of ten, so you have a chance at winning a five-dollar bill in the soap bar. And it was because there it was he was selling to miners, not like young people, but like mining people. And so um he, I mean, there could have been people that were minor miners, but whatever. Um, anyways, and so people would be confident to or that people feel like they had confidence in him to buy the soap. And so then, because of that, then it's like, oh, well, I didn't get the five dollars. This guy's a con man, so that's who knows. That's that's one of the uh things that we we learned, possibly allegedly.

SPEAKER_03

Anyway, I like that. It makes sense, yeah. Confidence, okay. It does make sense, yeah. Yes, you're putting so much confidence in what you're doing, even though it's pretty bad. Right. Yes. I bet he also had a mustache.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, probably.

SPEAKER_03

I heard if you have a mustache, people don't they they they lose like you're you're less likely to be trusted. Oh really? That's what I heard. And a beard, too. And glass. It's like just take me off camera at this point.

SPEAKER_00

Well, what one of my jokes is that I because I was facial hair. When I was a kid, I had a mustache. And um I might still, I don't know. But anyways, um, but I in my joke, I'm like, I say how I was still in Girl Scout cookies, I look like a Fidel Castro because I had my green uniform and a sash and a mustache. And I'm like, yeah, but it turns out people really trust a salesman when they have a mustache. So but maybe they don't. I don't know. That's just me trying to bleed a joke together.

SPEAKER_03

So that was uh uh I who did I hear that from? Uh it was like a YouTube video about stand-up. Like when I was first getting into stand-up, I watched all these YouTube videos, and one of them was I think it was r uh Ralphie May's like masterclass or something like that that he used to do at the comedy store. And one of them, no, I it wasn't Ralphie wouldn't say that. I think it was it was another video, never mind. Uh they said that like to shave your face and it because of that reason of like or less like right, or even had they just had like random stuff like don't date any of the bar staff, and I'm just like what?

SPEAKER_00

And then well, that's just good HR.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's just common sense. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

If I shave my face though, I look like I'm not allowed in school zones. Yeah, yeah. So bearded is yeah, you look good in a beard, keep it. Thanks, man.

SPEAKER_00

Well, a lot of politicians you see don't have beards and mustaches, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Which is crazy. Like, it's 2026, bro. Like get tattoos and grow a beard.

SPEAKER_03

It's fine. There's a lot of people that have tattoos that are have like really good prominent jobs.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, you've for sure. I was in the hospital over the weekend and like every other nurse is like slugged up, dude. And you would have never seen that 20 years ago when I was a kid. Absolutely. Never in a million years.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, I mean, it's interesting. Some people have still have like I there's attorneys that will make sure that they have their uh sleeves.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like that's a little different.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, because you don't want to as an attorney, just in my opinion, you don't want to project any sort of image about yourself at all. Like you are just an attorney. Like you don't want to fucking I think we discussed this before where you don't want to pull up in like a fucking Aston Martin, but you also don't want to pull up in a fucking 92 Toyota Tacoma, like you have to find that middle ground right if you're just seeing if your lawyer is driving a uh Toyota, you're going to jail. You never know, man. Toyotas are good cars, they last forever. Yeah, I'd be more worried if mine pulled up in a Aston. I want my lawyer to wear tattoos.

SPEAKER_00

I wonder if there's any lawyers. What lawyer is the lawyer that has tattoos? Is it your criminal defense attorney? Is it your estates planning? There's different lawyers, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_03

I have no clue.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

My general lawyer.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Is that is that a thing or no?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, it's not like an internist. It's like an internist doctor. It's like you go to that. I mean, maybe, but you know, then there's like for personal injury, there's medical malpropriates. There's just like different so many kinds, yes.

SPEAKER_03

Different types of laws, right?

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Yeah. Like if you have an attorney in California and then you go to Texas and you commit a crime in Texas, potentially your California attorney can't help you in Texas. But they can, they can states.

SPEAKER_03

States have different law. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So they have this thing called ad hoc fiche, and then the California attorney can sit in and help you on your Texas case. But it depends because, like, so my husband, he's ad hoc fiche uh in other states.

SPEAKER_03

Sounds delicious.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, it is. It sounds like ceviche or something.

SPEAKER_03

It sounds like ceviche, and I love ceviche.

SPEAKER_00

He's like a ceviche because he's like an appetizer, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

But what does ad hoc mean? Because I've I've seen that before.

SPEAKER_00

It's uh Latin. Uh it's probably meaning, oh, I'd have to look it up, honestly. I just I just know like the context, ad hoc V C mean, you want to it's A, yeah. It's A D.

SPEAKER_03

H-O-C, right?

SPEAKER_00

I believe H O C and then V C is V-I-C-E.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So basically he goes he has a client that had uh a lawsuit against them in North Carolina, but he did a really good job for them in another case. So they were like, we want you to represent us in North Carolina.

SPEAKER_02

Roughly for this occasion.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, that's right. Yeah. So um, so then he has an attorney in North Carolina that knows all the like local procedural filings, whatnot, but he handles the big ticket items and he does most of the case, and he but he has to ask permission of the state of North Carolina to be able to do the ad hoc VJ. So yeah. Yeah. Anyways, interesting on this episode of Legal Ease. Back to the orphanage. So I'm sorry, I didn't read it. No, no. I love it. No, this is how the whole purpose of it. So, okay. So um, this is a 2014 crime, okay, and it happens in New York, uh Northwest New York in a place called Corfu. Yeah. So um, Julie Keller, she is talking to someone. Someone online named Eric Holder. Not that Eric Holder, but I don't he was an attorney general at one point. Yeah. Okay. So for I think the the Obama administration.

SPEAKER_02

I was gonna ask actually.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, Eric Holder for the Obama administration. Right, right, right. So um it could have been, I don't know, allegedly. We don't know, but I don't think we ever find out who Eric Holder actually is. But so um basically she is collecting money for an African orphanage, and she takes money from the victims and she puts them into her bank account, and then she sends the butt money to offshore banks. And the offshore banks were like, hey, this is some suspicious activity, this doesn't seem right, we're gonna shut these accounts down.

SPEAKER_02

I know somebody who that happened to here in California. Oh really? Actually, yeah, she's about to get a huge fucking settlement for it.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_00

Uh like she's gonna get a settlement uh for that happening.

SPEAKER_02

Like when she was a kid, she was in an orphanage and the the like a group home or whatever, and the lady that was supposed to be like taking care of them was just fucking taking all the money and going to Vegas and gambling and doing all kinds of shit. Wow and like leaving the kids with like no food in the house and shit.

SPEAKER_00

So that like was a foster situation? Okay, yeah. So this is she she's believing and she's telling people that there's a allegedly that there's a uh orphanage in Africa that their money's gonna go to, but it never goes there. It and and that's there's not a lot of information on this case. It was based on review of articles on the FBI website that I reviewed, but it wasn't like they didn't give a lot of like what she did with the money, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00

But so she so she didn't know, like she didn't know maybe at first that that was what's happening, but then she turned a blind eye to it. All right. But what I found interesting is that there was like a little footnote at the bottom, and it was like how sh who was involved in the investigation, and it was the United States Postal Boston Division. So I'm like, why was the US Postal Division you know involved in this?

SPEAKER_02

They don't fucking play, boy.

SPEAKER_00

So what happens is Keller, it is she it turns out she's a mail carrier.

unknown

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00

So she apparently also has a crime where allegedly that she um set up uh rental properties and was advertising them on Craigslist. And then she would get into a back and forth with a potential renter and she would say, Okay, you need to give me your deposit via um Zell and money order. I want half of it via or not like a PayPal or Venmo or whatever, and I want the other half to be money order, and then the person would comply and then they would never get the keys to the apartment or the condo or the house, and Miss Keller would ghost them and she would just disappear. So they would give her money and then she would just leave. And so it was the same kind of idea. She was putting, she had it in her accounts, and then she was sending it to offshore accounts, and then the offshore banks were like, This seems really suspicious. So they started shutting it down. And so basically, because she's a mail carrier, somehow they were able to figure this out that she was a mail carrier, and that's how I don't know why it was Boston, but somehow by because I mean that's why I said Northwest New York, which isn't next, because I'm I looked it up on the map because I'm like, well, maybe she was like in a neighboring town or something to you know the northwest or the the northeast, like one of the northeast states. No, she was on the opposite side, so I don't know how Boston got involved, but yeah, so she got found out that she was conducting this fraud with Craigslist.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm telling the the the post office or whatever, I forget what their the department is called or whatever, but they're like police, yeah. Like in my opinion, it's like IRS them.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_02

The fuck the FBI and the DEA and all that other shit, the fucking the the postmarshals or whatever they're called, they do not fucking fuck around.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Yeah. Well, so so um another thing I found very interesting, I don't know why, but the judge in the case, it was uh judge uh John Sinatra Jr. But Sinatra, I just thought that was funny.

SPEAKER_02

Like no relations, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00

But like, can you imagine like that's your last name, Sinatra? Like, that's a that's a pretty and you're a judge, and you're a judge because Sinatra may or may not have been involved with some mobster ties.

SPEAKER_01

There's some Lammy Moon.

SPEAKER_03

He sings that he sings that song to the lady. That's crazy, dude.

SPEAKER_00

The best is yet to come, so babe, won't that be back? That's live.

SPEAKER_02

I love that kind of music.

SPEAKER_00

That's I did it my way.

SPEAKER_03

She's like, she's like getting going to jail. That's live. You fucked up.

SPEAKER_00

Um, so yeah, so she ended up being convicted of wire fraud. She was sentenced to a year.

SPEAKER_02

Wire fraud, boy.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

Get you every time.

SPEAKER_00

I know. Restitution up to $162,000.

SPEAKER_03

So how much did she and how much did she get from do you know how much?

SPEAKER_00

They think that she defrauded up to $182,000. But again, I couldn't tell if it was straight from Craigslist, if it was to the or African orphanage, or if it was like a combination of both. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03

What would possess her to be like, you know what? It it don't get me wrong, it's a really good operation, right? Like to she must be a really good talker. She must be really good at at No, I mean think about it.

SPEAKER_00

You were on Craigslist, you don't have to do much. You just had so and um, so it was basically the US Postal Service got a a tip from the one of the individuals that she had defrauded. And then I don't know how they got the tip, but then they or however the detective got involved and then did all the research and was able to unravel it.

SPEAKER_02

So there are I do know this actually, there are third-party non-government companies that monitor suspicious bank activities. Yes, and the banks report it to these companies, and the companies will go through it uh and be like, okay, this does look suspicious, or nah, this it looks a little out of the ordinary, but they'll do investigations and then they'll send it to what it the police or whatever uh department wherever they're at. Um so there are like and they have their government contracted um like top secret clearance and all that shit. So there are companies that will do that.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I you know why they probably do that, right? It goes back to rule number two, pay your taxes. So I think that's one of our jokes. Like, we're like, rule number one, like don't live beyond your means when you're doing these tries. Rule number two, pay your taxes, because that's always seems to be how they get figured out.

SPEAKER_03

So she didn't pay, she's not. I don't know. I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00

I'm just saying in this instance, like what Tonio is saying in terms of like they had they have people that uh review your bank accounts or whatever for suspicious activity. I'm sure is this part of the suspicious activity is um oh, you deposited a hundred thousand dollars, but you're saying you're only claiming that you make fifty thousand dollars. So why aren't you paying your taxes on a hundred thousand dollars?

SPEAKER_03

Greedy, greedy, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_00

Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered.

SPEAKER_03

Yep. That hogs. I'm terrified of the IRS, bro.

SPEAKER_02

Are you really? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

They're in suits, dude. They'll come and get you.

SPEAKER_02

Bro, I've said this on almost every episode, bro. Like, they the feds couldn't pin Al Capone on multiple murders that he made in broad daylight in front of people, and the IRS put his ass in Alcatraz.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I once you start messing with the government's money, dude.

SPEAKER_02

Facts, bro. They're just fucking pimps, they just want their cut.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's it.

SPEAKER_03

You don't give them their cut, they're they're after you. Facts, dude. They'll come after your your kids, your kids' money. Oh, yeah. I have an interesting children's.

SPEAKER_02

I have an interesting tidbit about that for a little bit later. They'll grab you. They do not fuck around.

SPEAKER_00

That's right. I'm scared. That's the end of my story. So what do you got for us?

SPEAKER_02

Well, cool, then I'll bust out my interesting tidbit. So my brother uh actually is an IRS fucking he works for the IRS and he does these investigations, like he will pull up to your front door. Hey, you owe us money, bro. Scary. Yeah, dude. And uh he was telling me about this guy. Have you ever heard the term sovereign citizen?

SPEAKER_00

I feel like I have.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like as a lawyer, you probably should have. But I guess you're a different kind of lawyer, so it's like I'm a different kind of lawyer. So scared.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not a regular lawyer, I'm a criminal lawyer.

SPEAKER_02

Write that down. So the term singing with the judge flammy chilling wine t-shirt. That's so fucking good. Uh, what was I saying?

SPEAKER_00

Uh, you're saying a sovereign citizen.

SPEAKER_02

Sovereign citizen uh refers to somebody who lives in the United States but doesn't believe that they have to follow the laws of the United States, which yeah, bro. Like people believe this shit. Like they have like documents and all kinds of shit. So, you know, I'm a sovereign citizen. Like Wesley Snipes. I've seen a bunch of nah because the IRS got his ass too. I'm like, you don't have to pay taxes. Yeah, no, the IRS got his ass.

SPEAKER_03

When somebody starts saying you don't have to pay taxes, and this shit happened.

SPEAKER_02

Uh and I've seen videos of these people being pulled over and they're like, I don't need a license, I'm a sovereign citizen. And the cops like, step out of the car, bro.

SPEAKER_00

So funny you're about to be a sodomized citizen.

SPEAKER_01

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_02

We're leaving that in. Uh so he was telling me about this one particular guy where he didn't pay any taxes at all. Whoa. Yeah. And like he was making a good amount of money. Um and so like my brother fucking hit him up and was like, hey, you owe us money. You know what I mean? And the guy was like, send him back a whole bunch of fucking nonsense about how he was a sovereign citizen or whatever. Um, and then he was like, uh, I encourage you to read this publication. And so he sent him the link to the publication. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00

It was a publication he wrote that he was selling on Amazon about how to not fucking pay your taxes, right? How much? How much was he selling it for, though?

SPEAKER_02

Uh that's a good question. $9.99. I was I was I'm gonna look it up and I'm gonna put it right there because I'm curious. Oh, that's um, I'm gonna put the price. I'm not gonna put the link down in the show description. No, fuck that guy.

SPEAKER_01

Read it.

SPEAKER_02

Uh yeah, uh and fucking guess who he worked for? Oh god.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, it could be anybody.

SPEAKER_02

The fucking government.

SPEAKER_00

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. He was fucking worked for the goddamn government, dude.

SPEAKER_00

Which is weird because then he has like his money taken out of his paycheck. You would think that he'd work for somebody that was like under the table, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Right. Yeah. Uh my brother was saying that in most instances instances, I asked him what the exceptions were. He didn't answer me for whatever reason. Probably he can't. Uh, but in most instances, you're all of your income is reported to them.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Um, right.

SPEAKER_03

That's how it usually works, right?

SPEAKER_02

I thought it was in every instance, but apparently there are some exceptions, but I I didn't get to the bottom of that.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I think like that's why a lot of times servers want to pay, get their and like nail technicians want to get paid tips and cash.

SPEAKER_02

Try to pay in cash.

SPEAKER_00

So then that way they don't they can be a little more clever in how they report their taxes because cash is not traceable, right? But they but you don't want to be too aggressive because then when you go to try to buy a house or you try to like whatever, do something, and then you have to report to get a loan, how much you make then you then you're like, oh no, I have yeah, yeah. So you gotta be careful because then the government can look at that document and be like, wait a second, here you told us you're making this much, now you're making this, you know.

SPEAKER_03

So wait, so hold on. So when when you work, right, you fill out your W2, and then at the end of the year, they know how much you make, but doesn't the government take taxes out of your paycheck every like week or two weeks?

SPEAKER_00

No, so that's payroll taxes, I think you're talking about possibly. Then they also take out hold on there's different taxes. Well, no, so so so there's so maybe, maybe, maybe that's actually I think being American is so confusing.

SPEAKER_02

Paying taxes is fucking confusing.

SPEAKER_00

Your employer pays, I think, payroll taxes, so you're not, but you're getting money taken out for social security.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00

And for unemployment, like unemployment, I believe, for the state of California, I believe that's something that gets pulled out. But you know, no, it's literally like I so you pay taxes on your um, so your your employer pays payroll taxes for paying you, right? And then you're paying income taxes. Yeah, right. If you own a home, you have property taxes, okay? Um, and then if you die, then you you pay a basically it's called the the estate tax. Right. So so now you're paying a your your heirs or whoever it takes over your you know, whatever money you have left, they have to pay money back to the government because you died.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Like what?

SPEAKER_02

Anytime money exchanges hands, the government wants their peace, bro.

SPEAKER_00

And then they also don't tell you how much they want. You have to figure out how much they want. And then if you mess that up.

SPEAKER_02

That's the crazy thing to me. Yeah, like why can I tell you that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, but I can't tell you how to do my fucking taxes.

SPEAKER_00

Right. The government's like, we want money from you. We're not gonna tell you how much. Yeah, we're gonna let you guess, and then we'll tell you if you're right. And if you're wrong, you go to prison. How about that?

SPEAKER_02

I asked my brother why it was like, why is it like that one time? And he was like, Cuz fuck you, bitch. And I was like, God damn, it's fucked up. They don't fucking, they don't play and they don't care. They want their cut.

SPEAKER_03

Let's go back to the death tax, okay? So you get you wait, hold on. So how does the death tax work?

SPEAKER_02

So like it's exchanging hands.

SPEAKER_00

Like so basically, like, if you don't have a tr and I'm this is again not my area, but my understanding like if you don't have a trust, and there's certain you have to have certain kinds of trusts. You have to have trust in your trust.

SPEAKER_03

No, I don't, huh?

SPEAKER_00

Anybody, anybody can have a trust, yeah. So, like, so like let's say like you have a home and you have a child and you want to have your child take your home, you have to put it into a certain kind of trust. Don't take legal advice from me, kids, because I don't know this area of law, but uh it's been a long time. But basically, you have to put it in a certain type of trust. I think it's like an irrevocable trust, and then if you like when you die, then your children can take over the home, and then it's like in the trust, and then they just have to pay property taxes on it and like whatever's owed on it, right? But if you don't have it in a trust, and then they go to sell the house, then they have to any kind of um, I think like any kind of uh equity that's been built up in the home, they have to pay, they have to pay a tax on that.

SPEAKER_03

So this scenario is if a person has uh equity, right? If they have a a home, if they have an actual like bank account, if they have assets. Yes, right.

SPEAKER_00

But if you die with nothing, you're not gonna have okay. Yeah. Could you imagine you're like dead?

SPEAKER_02

The IRS digs you up and runs your pockets, like not so fast. I'll be taking all those chains you were buried with.

SPEAKER_03

That's what I was so confused. Because I was like they come repo your headstones because my parents, my parents that you know, gone, and I'm just like, okay, like I was supposed to get taxed or whatever. Like, when am I gonna have to pay for this, guys? We're good.

SPEAKER_00

It depends on the way you like how you I would say politically, you know, certain people would call it a death tax. Okay, certain people call it an estate tax. Okay, so but it's the same tax.

SPEAKER_01

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00

It's the same thing. So it's just people that are unhappy with that tax call it the death tax. People that are like want more money from other people, like they would call it an estate tax. That's I mean, that's I think that's how you could probably break it down.

SPEAKER_02

But yeah, a rose by any other name still has to pay taxes.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, exactly. So, but again, I am not a Wills and Trusts attorney. So don't please see your tax professional.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, just a reminder that this is not constitute a current attorney client privilege, by the way. Or advice. I is not legal medical advice at all.

SPEAKER_00

Definitely not medical advice, but that's another podcast. Um, I think it's Joe Rogan's podcast. That's a joke. That's a joke to be made. Easy, relax, relax. But if you have comments, come fight us in the comments. I love it.

SPEAKER_02

So come fight me in fucking person. Yeah. Please, let's get some stress out.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so your brother.

SPEAKER_02

Um, yeah, so long story short, the guy didn't want to pay his taxes, so they started fucking.

SPEAKER_00

They started fucking?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Big time. He was like, we're taking this in ass cash or grasp.

SPEAKER_00

Is that we're this is that we're gonna work it off? We're gonna fucking.

SPEAKER_03

If the government did that, fine. They've been doing it my whole life. Just do it, just get over it.

SPEAKER_02

Just don't look me in the eye when you do it. At least spit on it first. Uh they started garnishing his wages, obviously, and and fucking taking everything, uh, all his assets coming in. And uh so he called and was like, Hey, if you let this check come through, I'll do whatever you want, kind of thing. Yeah, and my brother was like, Nah, you'll do whatever I want, and then we'll start giving you your fucking money. Uh so he paid, obviously.

SPEAKER_00

Um, but against his will.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah, absolutely. For sure, he didn't want to, but he did it. Um, and the the thing that I learned from him that I found most interesting, did you know that there's a website that an IRS website where you can go on there and bid on the things that they're selling?

SPEAKER_00

No, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like they yeah, bro. Like they let's say you fucking owed them taxes and they took your house. Uh-huh. Now it's on this website and you can bid on it.

SPEAKER_00

No, it makes sense.

SPEAKER_02

And all the stuff inside of it, too? Probably, yeah, I would imagine.

SPEAKER_00

Well, it kind of goes back to like the bankruptcy. There's receivers in a bankruptcy action. And then my understanding is that when you're a receiver to a bankruptcy action, like someone's filing bankruptcy and they have all these assets, the receiver takes it, and then they have they're responsible for like making it sure it gets sold, and then the money goes to the um like the the first in line creditors or whatever. So again, I'm getting probably terms wrong. My apologies, but um, again, that's not my area of law. Just say that's for every area of law. Like, no, actually, the area I practice in, I don't practice in.

SPEAKER_03

So can I ask you what your area of law is? Are you are you able to yes?

SPEAKER_00

I'm able to tell you, and then he'll just dub you.

SPEAKER_03

But have you have you you talked about it before? Um, it's okay.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I I don't really talk about it too much, but it's fine. I don't care. Um, it's I do work comp defense, so I defend insurance companies um for when people get injured at work.

SPEAKER_01

So okay.

SPEAKER_00

And usually when I get the case, it's it's usually because there's something more than just a straightforward like you fell, it's a complicated Usually, yeah. It's like it's someone break if you fell at work and you broke your leg and you went to the doctor and you got a cast on it and you figured out you want to go back to work, I'm not getting that case. But if you got an attorney and then the attorney's like, well, you know, it's causing him to have some sexual dysfunction and then psychological issues, and oh yeah, by the way, his eye hurts now, and like and and like and not if it and it's like it doesn't it doesn't make sense, like it doesn't track with the initial injury. Oh, yeah. That's usually when I get the case, yeah. Yeah, so yeah. I mean there's exceptions, of course, but yeah, so yeah, I had a case one time where the guy um he he was ch he was a mechanic and he was fixing a sign and he fell and he broke his leg, but he had it was a compound fracture, so the bone stuck out, okay. And um he had diabetes, and so because of his diabetes, they had to amputate his leg. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And um to self do not fall off any ladders.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So then what get so I actually inherited this case from another attorney in my firm. All right. And so one day the client calls up and then is like, hey, can you tell me why we're paying for this person to live in a hotel? And I'm like, what? We're paying for him to live in a hotel. This is so bizarre. So I kind of figured out it's like, oh, okay, well, so he was living at the mechanic's spot on the second floor, and there was only stairs. So there was no elevator. So because I'm like, how are you living on a second floor and there's no like I'm thinking apartment complex? I'm thinking you should have an elevator, right? Most likely. I mean, not all, but a lot, you know. So anyway, so um, no, so that's why we were paying for him to live in like an ADA compliant hotel. So, okay, cool. Then I find out, like, not that long after, they're like, Oh, he's getting kicked out of the hotel. And I'm like, What? Why is he getting kicked out of the hotel? Oh, because he's a registered sex offender.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

So then I call his attorney, I'm like, yo, did you know your boy's uh registered sex offender? He's like, Yeah, he's like, but I of course he knew. Well, he's like, I when I found out I had to have a real come to Jesus moment, whether or not I wanted to represent him or not.

SPEAKER_02

And I'm like, There's no question there, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I'm like, yeah, of course you wanted to represent him because it's a serious injury, which means serious money. So of course, you were able to divorce the fact that he was, you know, sex offender.

SPEAKER_02

I would have told that I gotta get fucked.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what his charges were, but yeah, so anyway. I mean, I don't know, like you know, I don't know how like if it was a level one, level four, I don't remember, but I'm either way, I'm just saying like that was what was going on. So and then the hotels apparently like the long extended stays and stuff like that, they do periodic checks on their um patrons because they don't want registered sex offenders staying at their hotels, so for longer than 30 days, right? So yeah, but anyways, cool.

SPEAKER_02

I'm looking forward to cutting all of that out. Boop, boop, boo. Just yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So, anyways, yeah, that's easy. Uh right cut from here. Okay, go. So your brother.

SPEAKER_02

Uh yeah, that was pretty much the end of it. Okay. Uh he's saved himself from going to jail. Um, but if you do not pay those taxes, they will come get you. That was the message that I was trying to infer to. They'll get you, dude. They'll get you.

SPEAKER_00

They won your money. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They'll go, bro. Absolutely. It's not your money, it's their money.

SPEAKER_00

That's right. You're just holding on to it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

Well, anyways, before we end this episode, what do you got planned show wise? Got any shows coming up?

SPEAKER_03

Uh, I do got uh a show that I'm doing in October. I know it's uh quite a long ways away.

SPEAKER_00

Local?

SPEAKER_03

But it's uh it's in Paramount. It's at a bar called uh Characters.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

And it's actually like an if if you like punk music and if you like psychability, like it's definitely a good show for you. I'm I'm hosting it and I'm I'm hosting it as a second thing you said uh Psychabilly. What the fuck is that? So psychability is a it's a subgenre of rockabilly. So it's uh it's rockabilly mixed in with punk. It oh that's cool. It's from England, it's like an England derived uh subgenre of meme.

SPEAKER_00

Sounds like some but is it comedy? Is it gonna be a comedy show or no?

SPEAKER_02

Oh no, I guess it depends on where you stand on rockabilly.

SPEAKER_03

I I I'm in like I love the culture. Uh I used to be a big psychabilly, you know, uh growing up. So I I know the the culture. I see. And um so they want me to MC it.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so I'm I'm gonna MC the show and I'm gonna do Elvis. Nice. Um MCing as Elvis. They want me to do crowd work, they want me to host it. So that's awesome. You're gonna fucking kill it. I don't know how it's gonna go, but it's gonna be fun. It's a challenge. I'm gonna write some good uh Elvis stuff. So you're gonna kill it, bro. I'm pretty excited.

SPEAKER_00

I I I feel like you gotta do the the Paramount Pirate joke again.

SPEAKER_03

I'm gonna yeah back. But the fun thing, and I'm excited about is I get to buy a costume. I love it. Oh yeah. I've been looking forward, I've been looking for uh I always look for uh reasons to buy costumes.

SPEAKER_00

Love it, me too.

SPEAKER_03

And getting an Elvis costume is has been on my list for about five years. So I'm a dream come true. I'm I'm excited. A reason for the season, yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00

And what what is your podcast?

SPEAKER_03

My podcast is The Mind Buzz. Okay, yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_00

I love it.

SPEAKER_03

I would like to have you guys on and talk about the podcast. We'd love it. This would be great.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, love it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That podcast I I do with my my girlfriend, Amber. So she's my manager, she's a producer, she co-hosts the podcast, and it it's fun.

SPEAKER_02

So she does all the hard work and you just kind of sit there and talk about it. That's what I'm gathering.

SPEAKER_03

Kinda a little bit. Oh yeah. No, she um you know, we've been doing the podcast together for the podcast, has been around for about five years, and she's helped me four years.

SPEAKER_00

Love it.

SPEAKER_03

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Shout out to Amber.

SPEAKER_00

It's Amber sounds like a wonderful lady.

SPEAKER_03

She's awesome. She writes she writes most of my roast jokes. Oh, really? No, she doesn't.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna say, you know, Jim Gaffigan and his wife actually are a writing team.

SPEAKER_03

Are they really? Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yep.

SPEAKER_03

I run I run some stuff by her that I think that's the that's the fun part.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think that's great. Like again, kind of like how your husband, you know? Yes, yes, yes. That's yeah, he's he's like, um, so where's the funny part?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he's a pretty hard so yeah, but you need that.

SPEAKER_00

I know it's good. No, it's good.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely 100%, right? You can't you need those hard credits. Exactly. Yeah, you need them.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's always he'll be like, you should try it. I'm like, okay, that means that means it's not terrible, but it's not there yet.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

If he says it's a complete joke, that means it's a it's done. So yeah, which I've only got. I think I've only got one or two of those. So oh gosh, I have um, I think June 2nd, uh the remix room.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, you're on the show? Yes, hell yeah, I'm on that one too.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Um, and then uh I have uh Fair Trade, uh I think June 13th.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. So those are my two that are coming up. So yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. What about you?

SPEAKER_02

Uh you have a lot coming up. Yeah, I had to write them down. Uh I'm doing flappers tonight, actually.

SPEAKER_00

So good.

SPEAKER_02

Uh 9 30.

SPEAKER_00

And then um Do you know what show, like what it who's on it?

SPEAKER_02

It's uh there's a list of people I've never heard of any of the people, but there's supposed to be a celebrity guest.

SPEAKER_00

Is it the Yu Who Room? It's the Yuho Room.

SPEAKER_02

It's called uh Late Night Review or some shit like that. Uh it's pretty dope. Um looking forward to it. And then I have uh Russ and Friends at a place called Rudy's in LA.

SPEAKER_00

Nice.

SPEAKER_02

Uh-huh. Um, and then uh the blend showcase on the 29th. Uh with JP and the guys. Shout out to the blend in orange. Uh remix room on the second, and then uh Chapman Crafted on the third.

SPEAKER_00

Can I make a suggestion? Because I know you're on the committee for the blend.

SPEAKER_02

Hit me.

SPEAKER_00

I think this guy should be one of the what's the blend? You did it. You didn't open mic at provisions.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, yeah. That place is so cool.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but they do a show once a month. And so I'm saying, I think the June show, I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02

Just saying. Absolutely. I'll fucking be able to do that. I'll do anything. Don't tell JP that. I'll do anything you ask me to.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Um, yeah, that's my uh that's my week in comedy this week. Awesome. Very good. Nice, dude.

SPEAKER_00

Well, thank you so much for joining us.

SPEAKER_03

Dude, I had so much fun. This was so fun. It's been a fucking blast.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely. Thank you for coming out.

SPEAKER_00

Like and subscribe. See you next time.

SPEAKER_02

Peace.

SPEAKER_00

Yay. Thank you. Oh my god. Oh no.