Listen Up And No One Gets Hurt
JJ Jorgenson is a lawyer. Tonio is a felon. Together they talk about crimes, scams, schemes, comedy and more!
Listen Up And No One Gets Hurt
Rails & Sails
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Pack your bags! JJ & Tonio welcome special guest, Jesse Ace and we're headed to Switzerland, France and Greece (circa 300 A.D.)
First, we dive into the shocking allegations against wealth manager Eric Freeman, accused of draining fortunes from some of the world's wealthiest clients. Was he a magician or a bad manager? Because he made millions... maybe even billions disappear.
Then we set sail nearly 1,700 years into the past to meet an ancient sea merchant whose voyage may have become one of history's earliest insurance fraud schemes.
From Swiss bank accounts to ancient shipping scams, money is always on the move.
Missing fortunes... ancient fraud... True crime with a sense of humor
I watch Half Baked every Saturday.
SPEAKER_07You should. Every Saturday. No, I'm fully baked. That's why it took me a while to get it. You just stick a toothpick in me and nothing is coming back out, is what I'm saying. I listen up. And no one gets hurt.
SPEAKER_01This is a podcast that focuses on crimes and scams where no one physically gets harmed. This is a podcast for information and nothing in this podcast can be taken as legal advice.
SPEAKER_07So listen up and no one gets hurt. Alright, well, don't forget to like and subscribe, and in the comments, tell us what's gonna be like.
SPEAKER_01Well, this week we have a great guest. Uh his name is Justy Ace. He hails from the great state of Texas. Justy Ace, everybody.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Hold the applause.
SPEAKER_01What's your Instagram handle?
SPEAKER_03Uh it's gonna be J. Which camera do I look at, by the way? I don't know. Just whichever one.
SPEAKER_01I think feel comfortable with that.
SPEAKER_03Or just you guys.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, we're kind of conversing, so be respectful.
SPEAKER_01Don't be nervous.
SPEAKER_05I am a little nervous.
SPEAKER_01Don't be shy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, when I'm around an attorney and a convicted felon, it would be I'm just kidding. Uh Jesse Ace Comic, jessie.ace.comic at Instagram. Uh or you can find me on Pornhub at I'm just kidding. No Pornhub. Uh, but yeah, that's my Instagram so far.
SPEAKER_01That's good. That's good. And uh you're going back to Texas soon, right?
SPEAKER_03I am, yeah. I got family out there, and I'm gonna do some shows out in San Antonio. Um, and hopefully I can kind of creep my way into Austin and just kind of work my way around. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So that's cool. Uh I heard I've heard there's a really good scene in both spots.
SPEAKER_03So yeah, I'm trying to I'm trying to do more uh in my career because I'm you know I'm still raising my kids and stuff, and like I I'm just trying to really tackle Texas and California, like to do comedy. And that's kind of where I want to focus on. John Campanelli is the guy that gave me that idea. I featured for him a while back like a year ago in uh at Flappers. And he's the one that because he bounces from New York to California all the time, and so he's kind of the one that gave me the idea to just do that and over instead of just trying to hit all the states and stuff like that, and I'm just like those are the two where I can kind of build fan bases on, you know.
SPEAKER_01No, I think that's solid. I mean you're you're building a good network within both communities, and you're building, you know, you're you're flexing a muscle, if you will, to to be able to make people in one state laugh versus another state because they're very different states.
SPEAKER_03100%.
SPEAKER_01You know, so I think that's a good uh tool that you're you're sharpening, if you will. Yes, definitely. And you're a big tool, so which tool would I do?
SPEAKER_03Which tool would I use? The pinzas, you know, the buyers, whatever Mexicans use. What is a Mexican's favorite tool?
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's a good question. You're not Mexican.
SPEAKER_03No, no, I'm Puerto Rican and Nicaraguan, but I look like El Mencho. You could be El Mencho? No, he's the guy that got killed in uh in Mexico. Uh he looks just like me. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean yeah, you could you could pass for a lot of different ethics.
SPEAKER_03I think so, yeah. Arabic sky, Arabic's Arabic people like me, uh, Cuban transgenders like me. Um, you know.
SPEAKER_01You you probably because I'm so fair right now, but when when I do Ha ha ha ha!
SPEAKER_03You're fair?
SPEAKER_01That's crazy. I'm olive, actually, but but when I do tan up, uh I have been asked if I'm Cuban. Now my Cuban friends disagree with this, but that's crazy.
SPEAKER_03Why do they think that you're Cuban? Do they say white?
SPEAKER_01I I don't know. I mean, if I have a little bit of a darker tan, I don't know. You immediately think you're Cuban. I I've been asked, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03So what do you what do you get called, Tony? What race?
SPEAKER_01But I will say when I was uh probably like 19 to 21, I would always get asked if I was uh if I was uh Persian. Okay, yeah, I mean you have thick eyebrows, so yeah, yeah. But and actually it was by Persians, so I feel like that's some street cred there, you know, that Persians thought I was Persian. Yeah, they'd be they'd be I was working at Nordstrom's uh South Coast Plaza, and they'd come up and speak Farsi to me, and I'm like, I don't know, and they'd be like, ah, you don't speak Farsi. I'm like, I'm not, I'm not Persian, sorry, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I don't know much about Persians, honestly. Um, you know, I used to talk to a girl that was Persian.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I'm sure you did.
SPEAKER_03And uh, yep, yeah, been around. No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, no, I you were a bit of an international studies major, I heard. That's right. That is correct. I have my master's in baiting.
SPEAKER_01It's um you you minored in women's studies majored in international relations.
SPEAKER_03Women don't like me, JJ. By the way, I want to make that absolutely clear. A lot of women think that I fuck. And it's not true because everybody considers me a man whore. Who listen? If everybody thinks that I'm a man whore, who's gonna fuck me? Well, I mean There's no opportunity.
SPEAKER_01To be fair, the one of the first times I saw you do comedy, you you talked about bash.
SPEAKER_03I was bashing women, yeah.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was not no, no, no. You were well, I mean, you were talking about basically losing respect for a woman after you had sex with her. So I mean that was part of your life. Oh, that's right.
SPEAKER_02Was this uh the boulevard?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yes, the world renowned boulevard. Yeah, I have uh, yeah, and I said some crazy shit around. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that was your first time.
SPEAKER_01One of the first times I saw it, yeah.
SPEAKER_03No, just to be clear, I was talking about spitting in a girl's ass and shit like that.
SPEAKER_01Like that was I'm well aware what you're doing. That was crazy. You're right.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I can't believe you got to witness that. Yeah, yeah, I was on something that day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And then, and then, but you also had a really funny redeeming joke where you were like saying how your friend thought you were like a Texas Ranger or something like that. You're like an undercover ranger or something like that.
SPEAKER_03I I don't know. I fucking I riff a lot at the same time. So but yeah, oh my god, I can't believe that was the first time.
SPEAKER_01This means is riffing. This is riffing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, this is sign language for riffing. No, it's not. Anyways, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Tony's here with us today, folks.
SPEAKER_03Tony's blasted as always.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he needs a good five to ten minutes to like settle in. So we're just we're just having a good time.
SPEAKER_03I like Tony because uh when he's blasted, he like secretly moans a little bit and just oh like he just kind of makes a noise. What? Yeah, sometimes like when you're too high. I've been high with you, like at times when you just like sitting there and you go, No, I think you're just high. Maybe it's just me, something with this mummy.
SPEAKER_01It's your tummy. Your tummy's hungry.
SPEAKER_03I think so. It is my tummy. I'm going, I'm trying to go sober right now. Yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_01I understand.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm trying to go sober because you just have to. It's just part of that.
SPEAKER_01Full sober or like partial sober?
SPEAKER_03Just cocaine. I'm just sticking with the cocaine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, no, I'm just kidding. No, I I want to because I want to give my body a break, you know? Um I just want to give it a break. Like, I just sometimes like the anxiety becomes too much, and just I don't know. I really don't know what it is, but I just want to give it a break. And and I'm also trying to prove to myself that I'm funny without like weed. Yeah. So like I'm just I'm just flat out funny without the weed because I feel like weed for me lets me kind of uh unlock a cabinet where I can easily grab things and then use it in comedy. And so, but I've noticed the difference between weed and no weed. And with no weed, it's more challenging to be able to kind of grab those things and and be able to riff on stage or well, that's why I've always been surprised.
SPEAKER_01Like I I think like Robin Williams when he was at the height of his comedy and he's doing Coke for sure, you know, like where he's just sweating and he's just running around the stage. It I think that was literally him having like a couple concepts and riffing. I don't I honestly think like that that must have been, or it was muscle memory of all the stuff he was saying. Because I don't I don't know how you can remember, especially being like on drinking alcohol, I would think would be impossible to remember and be funny you know, your jokes. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know. I I feel like being under the influence and trying to remember what your jokes are, remember or staying present with where you're at would be very challenging.
SPEAKER_03Uh yes and no. Yeah, it's depends. Because if you sometimes, like, for example, like one time I was in San Antonio and I did a spot called uh at Upstage Comedy Lounge. Shout out to them. But it was like probably like maybe like 150 people, and I was doing fine under the influence, everything, but then I riffed. I got out of I I got out of track because I took care of a heckler. And once I took care of the heckler, I went back to my jokes, and it's like all the all the jokes out of your body just flew out. And then from there you lose your your train of thought.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And now you're trying to find a you're trying to find a way to get back to with professionally. Yes. Without just going, oh yeah, I forgot where I was uh where I was I thanks, big titty blade. You know, instead of doing that, you know, so that's always like a a trick for me is I I try to use like keywords, you know. So if I if I talk like for example, Big Titty, oh great, I got a big titty joke next. Right. I kind of just move on with that. Or I try to like, if I do a set, I'll say a joke. Sorry, I'll say a joke, and then at the end, I'll have like a keyword that just segues into the next thing. Yeah. Because it'll just it's just like a door for me. I can just open the door and okay, this is where I'm supposed to go.
SPEAKER_01I one time saw um Ryan Hamilton. Do you know who he is?
SPEAKER_03No, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, he is so funny. He he's uh very he opens for Seinfeld, he's very clean. Um and he has a special on Netflix called Happy Face. Highly recommend it, very, very, very funny guy. And um so we saw him one time at the Urbine Improv, and he was in the middle of a joke, and he was talking about he'd been he actually got hit by a bus uh on New Year's Day, and uh the the jokes that he had from that. He's like, you know, you start your ear off being like this is my ear, he's like, and immediately getting hit by a bus, like that's pretty terrible, right? So he so he talks about all the different things that happened, and some of the injuries were pretty gross. And we were sitting close to the front, and the person in the front actually passed out. And he was fine, he was able to leave on his own. But Ryan was like, hmm, where were we? And then this woman's like, You were up, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, Yeah, I know, I'm a professional. He's like, I'm I'm trying to like, he was like, I'm trying to like, you know, because it's so awkward. Someone just passed out and they had to leave. He's like, I'm trying to reset the room here, lady. You know, he was very sweet how he did it. He's like, I know, I'm a professional. Like, just it's like it's a it's a way I'm resetting the room, you know.
SPEAKER_03But yeah, in comparison to one of us, I would just go, shut the fuck up, lady.
SPEAKER_01Well, I mean, it's just it's your it's it's depend, you know, yeah, each comic is gonna handle it different, you know.
SPEAKER_03But could clean comics for me are are world-class, uh, because I'm unfortunately not a clean comic. I try to be as much as I can, and I don't try, unfortunately. But I but there have been times where it's because my clean comedy is like I just take all the fucks out and the bitch and the cum and the and uh I just take them all out. So, you know, yeah, it was banging a girl.
SPEAKER_01Like to me, that was clean, yeah, right?
SPEAKER_03But it's not clean, yeah. You know, I could have said something else.
SPEAKER_01I was eating pizza with my kids, and yeah, I mean he the topics that he touches on in in his special are like he was trying to get out of his gym membership and how like they were requiring him to write a letter. And he's like, Write a letter. He's like, so I had to go to the store and get envelopes. He's like, now I have enough envelopes to pass on to my my children and my grandchildren. He's like, 'cause I'm never he's that so he that's one of the concepts. He talks about um going on a first date on a on an air balloon ride, and how like you don't really think it through. So I mean, and he talks about how he the first time he was in, or one of the first times he was in New York, he was on a subway and the guy was smoking crack. He's like, You know how I know he was smoking crack? He's like, Because I know what pot smells like. I don't know what crack smokes like. He's like, so he's like, and it wasn't pot's. He's like, I mean, it's like so yes, he talks about like you know, uh that sort of thing.
SPEAKER_03And so here's something that's elite comedy right there.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it is he is high level. I and I've and I've seen him, I saw him at the gas lamp um American comedy in San Diego, and uh he had the he the air balloon ride is uh one of his, I guess, a fan favorite. And while he was trying some new jokes, and he explained to us, like, I'm doing new jokes, these are not some ladies like, new the air balloon ride, and he's like some drunk lady, yeah. And he is like, okay, I'll get to it, but you let me work through some new stuff first, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So yeah, no, him. Uh I gotta watch his shit. And Nate Bargazzi is another one that I think is world-class. I used to hate on him too. I I was such a jerk off. Like, I used to think like that clean comics, I'm like, oh you guys, come on, clean. And then I started trying to do it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I couldn't. It's so hard. It's hard.
SPEAKER_01That's I mean, I consider myself a clean comic. I think you are a clean comic, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and it is it's so hard because it's like even like the topic, sometimes I'm like, ooh, like, because I'll run something by Tony. I was like, ooh, you're going to the dark side. It's like, yeah, I'm like, I flirt with the dark side. Yeah, I flirt with it, but it's because it's like she likes to toe the line. It's yeah, I but it's even when I toe the line, I'm like, this is I feel like I'm cheating a little bit.
SPEAKER_03No, but that's elite. Yeah, that's elite because that's a that's a even me that I geek out over comedy. Like, I can't do that. I can't, I can't be fully clean and then touch the line of dirty or dark. You know, like it's it's it's a very uh for me, it's like a sword fight. Yeah, you know, you're carrying a heavy ass sword and you're doing it, and people are criticizing you, like, well, well, you can't swing that fucking sword. Well, you're not even trying to swing the sword. Yeah, you're just there telling your cum jokes and shit.
SPEAKER_01And that's what I'm saying. Like with the Nate Bragati, he makes it look so easy. So easy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03He may he really makes me feel like I'm having a beer with him.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And he's telling me about his kids and shit.
SPEAKER_01That's I think that's also elite comedy when you can feel that you're in a room with the person. Because if you can get to the point where you're conversational, I feel I am a little still performative, where I'm more like telling, like talking at you than talking with you. And that's something I need to like work on.
SPEAKER_07I personally I've been trying to get to the point where I'm more conversational as well.
SPEAKER_01And I think I could be wrong. Is that is that why I've seen you a couple times now incorporate like a beverage in like I feel like you holding the beverage. Sitting down as well. Yeah, you sitting down and holding the beverage. I feel like is you trying to be.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. Yeah, that that's who you remind. I was trying to think about it the other day, and uh it came to me right now that Ron White, that's who you remind me.
SPEAKER_01Like a quiet, quieter white.
SPEAKER_03Like lethal.
SPEAKER_01Because white is a little more like, ah, and you're you're like, you're a little more subtle, I feel like.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, because I'd be high as shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. But you have this joke about drugs that are like so simple but perfect. I enjoy it every time. I know it's coming, and I just enjoy it every time. You're like, yeah, I don't do drugs anymore. I miss it, or something like that. How does it go? You're like, I don't do drugs anymore.
SPEAKER_06Oh yeah, I've been clean for 16 years. Yeah, it fucking sucks. It fucking sucks.
SPEAKER_03But his delivery is so good that I know it's coming, but I do I enjoy it every time because I see the audience legitimately savoring it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because while he's saying that, there's a fat girl in Santa Ana that just do it a blow of cocaine. Right behind me.
SPEAKER_00Why is there gonna be a fat girl?
SPEAKER_03Because they're always fat. Really? Fat people love doing cocaine.
SPEAKER_00I thought you had to be skinny.
SPEAKER_03Well, they they yes, but that but fat people love cocaine. Uh, there's a comic that just died from it, Renee Vaca's friend. I forgot his name. Uh that was his name. I don't want to call him out for that. Anyways, yeah. But it's just fat people love cocaine. Okay. I know that's a good one.
SPEAKER_06I did coke for like five years in my teenage years, and I was fat as fuck.
SPEAKER_01The whole time doing coke?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_03See what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01I always thought like I assumed that people in the 70s and 80s were so skinny because they were doing coke. That's what I always assumed.
SPEAKER_03I wasn't there.
SPEAKER_01I was. Anyways, so but back to the drinking on stage. You know what's interesting is Dean Martin. Do you know who he is?
SPEAKER_04Of course.
SPEAKER_01So Dean Martin would be on stage singing and whatever, and he'd always like a little slurry. Apparently, it was an act, it was just apple juice in the in the in the cup. Wow. Yeah. So people thought it was with it.
SPEAKER_07That's not a bad idea because I don't really like drinking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_07I really don't.
SPEAKER_01That's a little tip for me. I'm not a big drinker. I do occasionally, but I so what I'll do is I go to the bartender and I'm like, hey, I'm like, you see how you put water in the stupid cup like this? I'm like, put it in an actual cocktail for me, put a lime in it, put a straw in it, make it look like it's a vodka. And then that way no one gives me shit about not drinking. And people just assume I'm drinking.
SPEAKER_03You you do this?
SPEAKER_01I've done this, yeah. Because I'm not a big drinker. Yeah, no, I'm I mean, I'm not against it. I just, it's not, I just, I don't know. It doesn't work.
SPEAKER_03Right, no, especially what we do. Like we're out and open mics and shows and all that stuff. Like me drinking every day is not a good thing.
SPEAKER_06No, I'm not a big drinker at all. Like, I'll smoke weed at 9 30 in the morning, but like and go function.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, two from 2 a.m. to 2 a.m. I'm smoking weed. One beer.
SPEAKER_01I mean, function. I mean we can function.
SPEAKER_05I drove here.
SPEAKER_01Well, I wouldn't have necessarily but anyway, so back to Dean Martin. I know that you have a panache or like a uh like you have favor with classics. Is that right?
SPEAKER_03I do, yes. You like the classics, I love classics, yeah and like you like Lenny Bruce. I do. Can I tell you why? Of course, because they broke the fourth dimension for me. So they were completely misunderstood, way ahead of their time, which I'm fascinated of. These are people that anybody, anybody that tries to do something for the greater good and they know it, and they're gonna get rejected by everybody, but they still do it. And then it and it impresses me even more that they did it till the end. Like you pass away as a comic and fighting for what you believed in. Lenny, he went very far, but you know, he was arrested over eight times, divorced, people betrayed him, he lost money. At the end of it, he was doing indie shows, you know, and just some of his last sets were god-awful. But that's not the point. The point is that he fought to the very end. And that's what fascinates me because I I try as a comic to do the same thing. I I there's certain things that I believe in, I stick to my guns, but I want the audience to understand what I'm doing. And I'm trying to leave a legacy for not only my kids, but for a child 50-60 years from now that will randomly find Jesse Ace. Randomly. And he's fascinated by me. And he'll never see me. Maybe he'll go visit me. I visit Lenny at his grave. He lives six. He lives, yeah, he's my neighbor. We just got me asada. You know, he's a great guy. We just smoked a joint. No, but Lenny's grave is six minutes from me.
SPEAKER_01Do you ever see anyone else there?
SPEAKER_03Uh no, I just go for my for my dude. I'm the only Hispanic dude in that Jewish in that Jewish cemetery. Is it Jewish cemetery? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, everybody's wearing yarmakas and shit, and they got the braids and stuff. You know, and um, and they look at me like, are you here to cut the grass? You know, I'm just like, no, no, I'm just here to visit Lenin. They just go and it's not their fault, bro.
SPEAKER_07You look like an extra from American me.
SPEAKER_01I really do. Well, the reason I bring up the classic is because are you guys fans of James Bond?
SPEAKER_03Of course. Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Do you know who the original Bond girl is?
SPEAKER_03No, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Honey Rider was her name in the movie. Ursula Andres.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01She was iconic because she came out of the ocean in her white bikini with like I think like a little weapon on her or something like that.
SPEAKER_07Probably shaped like a two by four. It was like the 70s, right?
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was shaped like an hourglass. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I'll have to check the color fast. Yes. What was her name?
SPEAKER_01Ursula Andres.
SPEAKER_03What was the other one? Honey. Honey Rider was her name.
SPEAKER_01Honey rider. Honey rider. That was her name. That was her Bond girl name.
SPEAKER_03That's such a stripper name.
SPEAKER_01Well, that was give it up for Honey Rider, guys! You know, like there's Octopussy and like I don't know all of the names. I just I know that. Okay.
SPEAKER_07She looks sick.
SPEAKER_01Are you looking up with the original pictures?
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_07That woman needs a double cheeseburger stack. A fucking breakfast burrito.
SPEAKER_03She looks like a uh DB for the Jacksonville Jaguars. You know what I'm saying? You know DB is.
SPEAKER_07I'm just kidding. I don't body Shay.
SPEAKER_01Wait, are you saying you think she looks fat or she looks skinny?
SPEAKER_06No, she's she was uh she's super skinny, is what I was saying.
SPEAKER_01No, but she's all but she's built like a brick house. Anyways, okay. 24 isn't it 24 30? No, 24, 26, 34. You don't know the song? This is Honey Rider? Because she's a brick. House. She's mathematic. Let it all hang out. She's a brick. You never heard that?
SPEAKER_06House. House. Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_01But then they they do dimensions. 36, 24, 36.
SPEAKER_07I don't think that's part of that song, dude.
SPEAKER_01I guarantee you. I don't, I mean, I might be getting the dimensions wrong. I might be getting the measurements wrong, but the measurements are in the song. Garonti.
SPEAKER_06Carry on. I'm checking the code.
SPEAKER_01Anyways, okay, so she's a bomb girl.
SPEAKER_03You're such a nerd, you don't even know the measurements of the song.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm saying I don't know that I'm correct, but I know there are measurements in the song, okay? Because I'm always like, damn, that that sounds like some crazy measurements. And then you like I am not a brick house. I am a brick wall.
SPEAKER_07Alright. Is it true? Yeah. What were the numbers check?
SPEAKER_03She's an attorney.
SPEAKER_07What did you say it was?
SPEAKER_01I thought it was 362436. Oh, it says it's great. Brick house. Okay. This is.
SPEAKER_07We gotta get James a mic so he can just cut in and tell us when we're being ridiculous.
SPEAKER_03James, holy fuck, bro. My bad, dog. Estebond is your name now, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_01So, anyways, so Ursula, she's in the James Bond movie, right? You know, what did James Bond is about like foreign, evil, money-hungry villains, right? Like they're always chasing the bad guy, right? Is that right? I don't know. James Bond? James Bond, yeah. Well, I mean that too, but there's always like a bad guy, right? Yeah, there's a bad guy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So my case involves an international bad guy. Eric Freyman is the international bad guy. He's a financial investor. And he was the financial investor for this guy whose last name is it's pronounced so many different ways, but I'm gonna say Poosh. Okay. And Poosh was the heir, one of the heirs to Air Mays. It's a luxury brand, like leather goods, silk scarves, etc. He had something like I think six percent of the Airmays uh ownership. And this gentleman, Poosh, he was uh I think in his 80s. He was never married, had no children, had no heirs, and he was looking to decide on uh uh how to disperse his funds, and he was worth something like around 13 billion dollars.
SPEAKER_03Holy shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So his great great uh ancestors, like great-great-grandfather, I think, is the one who created Aramaze.
SPEAKER_03Okay, Rma's the brand, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it's interesting what I learned about it is actually it started out as a um like for horses. So like it was like a saddle and reins for horses, and they wanted to make the best. And then because they were making them for like aristocrats, they started then making a uh bag, and the bag was just for saddles, and then it went from there, and then they just kept, and I guess they also were the first in Europe to use a zipper, maybe in the bag, something along those lines. So it's just kind of interesting, like they're yeah, how do they have time? So Louis Vuitton Wet Hennessey is another French brand, and so Hermay's is a French brand. Louis Louis Vuitton Wet Hennessey, LVMH, LVMH, wanted to buy Hermay's. I guess it was like a we wanted to even try to do a hostile takeover, but the family that owned Hermaze was not willing to sell, right? So, so this Poosh guy, he holds on to his shares, he's worth around $13 billion. He goes to figure out how he's gonna disperse his money. Who do you think he's gonna give his money to?
SPEAKER_04Yes, Tony. Yes, okay.
SPEAKER_00Let's not make the minute.
SPEAKER_01We take the minute. The minute has to come out. Usually, usually you would say to like a honey, a honey writer, like a young thing, right? Usually, if you have no heirs and you don't have like you're not married, like you're gonna get yourself a little sugar baby.
SPEAKER_03The brickhouse.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, a little sugar baby, right? Well, he was gonna give it to a a sugar baby that was his 51-year-old gardener. Back to gardeners.
SPEAKER_03Okay, question. Yes. So the get this Hermenus guy, poopy. Poochie. Poosh. Pooch. Okay. He had he grabs his $13 billion.
SPEAKER_01He tries to grab it.
SPEAKER_03He tries to grab it, and he wanted to give it to his gardener.
SPEAKER_01He wanted to give half of it to his gardener.
SPEAKER_03Half, which he's sleeping with.
SPEAKER_01No one knows this.
SPEAKER_03Yes, he is.
SPEAKER_01Nobody's gonna give half a billion. No, come on, JJ. I mean, maybe the gardener is tending to his gray gardens. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03I mean, what is he clipping his butt? He wants it swear. He wants it round.
SPEAKER_02What's his name? Schortenegger was banging the gardener. No, the maiden.
SPEAKER_03Whatever. He's she's cleaning something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. I mean, imagine in that situation, like you bang him and you have a kid with him, and then you still have to clean his house. Like, what?
SPEAKER_03That's crazy work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And his wife is like, ah, make sure I do dishes.
SPEAKER_01Okay. And then the wife is like, huh, your kid looks a lot like my husband. That's so weird.
SPEAKER_03He's all swole. I know.
SPEAKER_01Dude, of all the kids, that kid is actually like the most swole.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's swole.
SPEAKER_01Swole.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He even has that famous phrase, get to the job and shin.
SPEAKER_01I think he's trying, I think he's trying to be an actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so Pooch goes to try to, you know, take the money, and he has no money. Like, he's all of his 13 billion appears to be gone.
SPEAKER_03Disappears.
SPEAKER_01Disappears.
SPEAKER_03Didn't air.
SPEAKER_01So he claims that Freymond, Freymond, Freimund. Freymond is the one behind it. And he points the finger at Freyman and he's like, Freyman is my financial advice advisor. He's my wealth manager. Uh, he made my money disappear. He sold the stocks to my my uh, I think he had something like six million in stock, six million stock in Hermes, something around that line. And that all of the stock were sold. And I did not authorize him to sell it. Primand is like, not me, I didn't do it.
SPEAKER_07So there that amount of money doesn't just disappear.
SPEAKER_01But the stocks were sold to L VMH.
SPEAKER_03It does for the government. The government knows how to make money disappear. Let's just do that. That's true.
SPEAKER_01And so do sugar babies. And sugar babies, yeah. So, but anyway, so so somehow these these stock are they were sold to LVMH, but no one knows how it happened. And so uh Poosh takes Freiman to court, and the courts are like, no, no, Poosh, you signed everything over to Freyman to manage your accounts, and that's on you. So whether he sold it or not, like that's on you because you authorized him to do it. Now I find that very odd because as a financial wealth manager, you have a fiduciary duty to do what's right by your client. So I I wonder if Poosh just had bad attorneys.
SPEAKER_03I don't know, but well, first of all, if your name is Poosh, you're gonna get robbed. Just out of principle. Yeah, that is the ugly fucking name. Lord have mercy. Poosh, you're gonna get robbed. Yeah, you're gonna get robbed for all $13.8 billion.
SPEAKER_07When was this taking place?
SPEAKER_01This was uh like the discovery of it was like 2022, 2021 in that range.
SPEAKER_03Oh, this is recently. Yes, I figured it had to be. Yeah, I thought this was like a long time ago. No, how do you make that much money?
SPEAKER_01So, yeah, so it's it's curious. And so can you imagine you're the gardener being like, I'm gonna get 16 billion. I got nothing. I've been trimming I've been trimming these hedges for nothing.
SPEAKER_03She got like dude, she got her weak check and it was a guy. Oh, it was a dude, it was a guy. Oh, this is a Diddy situation. Yeah, well, maybe.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I don't know. There's no discussion on baby oil.
SPEAKER_03Come on. You've never uh listen, when you when you do gardening, uh every time you use the tools, you gotta lace it up with oil. There's always gonna be oil involved. Okay. Always some kind of lubricant.
SPEAKER_06Sound like you're speaking from experience.
SPEAKER_03Yes, I am. Especially for chainsaws and shit like that. Oh, yeah, you gotta lube all that shit up.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, I mean, this guy must have done something to gain Pooch's trust, and then do you think he was blackmailed potentially?
SPEAKER_03Like, I mean, how do you not know where your money went?
SPEAKER_01It's a good question. So, so Freiman's counter to this was that while Pooch was trying to avoid taxes, and so so he was trying, so basically, his allegation is that the money did go to the gardener and that Pooch is claiming it went missing, so he doesn't have to pay taxes on it.
SPEAKER_03Makes sense, yeah. God, these rich people, I swear to God. I mean they'll do everything, but pay taxes. Literally.
SPEAKER_06Rule number one.
SPEAKER_03That's crazy.
SPEAKER_06Rule number one. Are you pay your taxes, bro?
SPEAKER_03Pay your taxes. Yeah. Uh, question is this true? Trump has a ex-wife buried in his golf course.
SPEAKER_01So, yes, uh, Ivana Trump was buried at uh Bedminster in New Jersey. That's correct.
SPEAKER_03And and it's registered as a like, so he won't have to pay tax. It's something about taxes, I think.
SPEAKER_01That's I don't I don't know, but that's my understanding. It's like there the allegation is that he had her buried there because then he doesn't have to pay taxes on the the golf course where she's buried. I think his side of the story is that's gonna be a family plot. I don't know. Who knows?
SPEAKER_03I mean I gotta I'm gonna steal that idea. No, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But anyways, so um, so yeah, so so Poosh allege and um so he so yeah, so he's like trying to put 16 or six uh half of his fortune to the gardener. Um, and in the in the meantime, he's also trying to adopt the gardener as his son.
SPEAKER_03What kind of sick situation is this? I don't know how old is the gardener that was questioning 51?
SPEAKER_0151.
SPEAKER_03Are you trying to adopt a 51-year-old? Yeah, and how old is Poopy?
SPEAKER_01Pooh Pooshi, Poosy Bear, he's in his 80s.
SPEAKER_07They were definitely fucking they're fucking for sure.
SPEAKER_03They're fucking for sure. And Poopy with that name, he's getting he's taking it up the ass.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it seems it seems as though I would agree with you. He hasn't been married, he has no kids. It seems like the you know Yeah, they were fucking. Yeah, yeah. That's that would be my uh 100%.
SPEAKER_03That would be no situation that you ever hear like that is like, oh no, they're just friends, homies.
SPEAKER_07Like no, they for sure had a casting coach.
SPEAKER_01Well, back in the day, Ermes. Probably. Back in the day before gay marriage was legalized, that would be a way that people would try to legally have a binding together so that they one would adopt the other one so they couldn't inherit money. Oh my god. You didn't know that? No, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I don't know anything of that side of the world. So if I wanted to go, well, this is assuming that it was illegal, but if I wanted to go gay publicly, I would adopt my boyfriend to be my son.
SPEAKER_01So uh I believe that's how it was before gay marriage happened that there'd be situations where, you know, if it was a May December romance, let's say, maybe, maybe that's like an old person, a young person, and they wanted to leave the money to the younger person when they die, they would adopt them as their children.
SPEAKER_03You know, gay people are the last people on earth that experience love for real. They experience love. Like, despite trials and tribulations, they are fate, they're like trying to figure it out because I'll talk to a girl and ghost her in three weeks. You'll ghost her or she'll ghost you. Yeah, it depends. Tell the truth. If she's hotter than me, she's gonna ghost me. Yeah, if I'm talking to an ugly chick, uh, like I always try to stick with like a six.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Those sixes go crazy for you. Yeah, you know, because they look at you like a 10. But at times I do have to ghost them, unfortunately. The free subscription ended. Does that make sense? But you know, but they're the last ones that legitimately go through all of this shit to be with each other.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Just to be, I wouldn't go through nothing with none of these girls. I'm not gonna go through any of this. This is drama. It's true love. It's true love. I'm telling you, it's true love. Love is love. I gotta go gay because I can't find love.
SPEAKER_01Why are you scooching away from him?
SPEAKER_03Oh no. Don't touch me. I hang around with JP too much.
SPEAKER_01I think that's so, anyways, they've never figured this out, all right. And then I know this is a podcast where no one gets hurt, but um Fry Freimund rode his bicycle from his uh Chalet, shall we say, in Switzerland. And then uh gay signs right there. Well, no, Fry Freimund, not Poosh. Oh, Pooch, okay, good. So Freimand rode his bicycle down and then um may or may not have jumped in front of a train during these uh investigations. Because then later, later it's turned out that he may have forged Poosch's signature. So that was one of the things I had read that it possibly was figuring it out that yeah. But remember how I talked about Ursula Andres from the beginning? Well, it's gonna go back to her. So she is this wildly successful actress, she's worth approximately 23 million dollars. Okay, so now we're in the millions, all right. We're not in the billions anymore, we're in the millions, but she's now in her 90s, I want to say. She finds out that her money's gone.
SPEAKER_05Oh shit.
SPEAKER_01Guess who her financial advisor was? Fryman. Yeah, frying pan, yeah. Fry Fryman, Fryman. So she files a lawsuit, and now that he's dead, okay, it she was able to recover something like 20 million of her 23 million because he had put a lot of the money into buying a house, buying artwork, buying all these fancy things.
SPEAKER_03He did steal it then that time he got caught.
SPEAKER_01I think that that possibly after he died, things probably, but I don't believe that the Pooch situation has actually been resolved. All right. Not from what I can tell. It's still an unsolved mystery. But with on uh Ursula Andreas or Andres, sorry, Ursula Ursula, she her situation, it was confirmed that Freyman associates were stealing money from her, they were embezzling money from her.
SPEAKER_07They found that out after he died.
SPEAKER_01I believe that the I I don't know how it worked out in terms of when they found it out for Ursula, but they were at least after he died, she was able to start recovering her money because now it's his estate. But yeah, her her charge against him was embezzlement. So because and she said that he courted her for a few years, being like, You can trust me. She started to trust him, and you know, she has all this money. And then it was like, Can you imagine having this nest egg be retired, having a huge nest egg, $23 million? That you actually worked for, that you worked for, you worked hard for, and then now you're 90 and all your money's gone. Thankfully, she was able to get about, like I said, 20 million back. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03I thought you were gonna say thankfully she was able to get food stamps.
SPEAKER_01No, well, she's in Europe. This is all in Europe, by the way. This is not American situations. See, it happens in Europe too, folks. But yeah, so wow, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Fryman's a piece of shit, it seems like.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's he's uh train food now, so train food is fucking crazy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that is scary. I I guess to be that rich and constantly have to look over your like who do you trust? I know nobody, nobody. I Shaq I once saw Shaq say that his his go-to person, he's been with them for like 30 years, and you know, he's been very good to him and stuff like that. But they they it he's like that's one of the closest people that well.
SPEAKER_01So so what's I'm gonna go back to Shaq, but what's interesting is I think because they were saying basically with like Poosh, he had so much money that he didn't feel as though he had to account for every penny and every nickel. Do you know what I'm saying? So it's just like it was more like, oh, the the trucks keep coming in, I don't need to worry about it, you know.
SPEAKER_03That's the silent killer, though. Right. Was he paying his taxes?
SPEAKER_01I don't know.
SPEAKER_03I don't know for real, dude.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but that was Pooch. Pooch already owned the money. Bryman would have been the bad guy, yeah.
SPEAKER_07That's right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so it's reverse here. But so so um, but with Shaq, uh what I had heard with Shaq is that he would go to I think like a McDonald's or something, and he got he befriended a manager at McDonald's. Right. And then when he was able to like own, I think a couple Papa John's or something like that, uh one of the franchises, he actually went back to the manager at McDonald's and said, You know how to run this. Can you want to come work with me? And that's how they became that's how that guy got elevated from being a McDonald's manager to being like a business partner with Shaq. That's what I that's what I read. Yeah, I don't know if that's true.
SPEAKER_07Do you know how much shit Shaq has his hands in? Like actually, yeah, dude. Yeah, oh my god, dude.
SPEAKER_03He he owns like the rights to Marilyn Monroe.
SPEAKER_07So many businesses and companies like he's got his hands in so much shit. He is awesome.
SPEAKER_01No, he's awesome. He seems like he's a nice guy.
SPEAKER_03You know what? I would go gay for Shaq. He could adopt me.
SPEAKER_01I don't think it would fit.
SPEAKER_03It you're right, it would take over my whole body. Jeff Ross said something the other day. I saw a podcast. Uh I'm friends with Jeff Ross.
SPEAKER_00I was like, what?
SPEAKER_03Me and Jeff Ross are homies now. No, we just uh we he he gave me great advice in San Antonio, uh in Austin, sorry. And uh it wasn't it it was it meant the world to me because I just asked him for advice and he was like, just be yourself, man. Like just the way he said it. Yeah, and but I saw an interview of him with Shaq and he made fun of Shaq and he's like, Shaq's got the such a big dick that he eats peanuts off of it and shit like that. He picks up the peanuts with his dick. That's funny, that's good. That's a good one. But no, I I uh I always respect people like that, and and that's what the people I'm trying to learn from. Yeah, it's just uh wow, that's scary. Yeah, it's so scary.
SPEAKER_01But I think also it comes with the territory of like think about like Ursula earned her money, right? Pooch just woke up one day and he was rich. You know what I'm saying? Like he he was born into it, and so sometimes that's you know, you have a different mindset sometimes when how you get your money. I think it can, you know, not always, but some sometimes it can affect how you think about it. Like Shaq, uh probably didn't grow up with much, and then he wanted to make sure that he kept the money that he earned, and so he are surrounded himself by very smart people and learned from them. And and he's obviously very smart individual, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's the one that kind of taught me he because he tells his kids uh he goes, You want my cheese? You gotta give me two degrees. That's how he tells his kids.
SPEAKER_07He's got a doctorate, doesn't he?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's got a doctorate, something like that, yeah. And then Mag Johnson, too, he's another guy that owns a bunch of stuff too. I mean, he's he owns a bunch of uh franchises around uh like Starbucks and whatnot in in LA. So yeah, yeah. Well, he goes, What do you got for us, Tony? Everybody, Tony's with us today.
SPEAKER_07I I am here. Um have you ever heard the name Hegestratos?
SPEAKER_01Did you just make that up?
SPEAKER_07No, hegestratos.
SPEAKER_03No, I have no idea.
SPEAKER_07No. So uh Hegestratos was a sea merchant in the year 300 AD.
SPEAKER_01Are you making this up right now?
SPEAKER_07No, no, this is the oldest recorded case of insurance fraud. Okay. Yeah. 300 AD, bro. Yeah, so like most of the information comes from the recorded court testimony or whatever. Oh, okay. Like they the stenographer kind of thing, but like whatever their version was in the fourth century.
SPEAKER_00So what what happened?
SPEAKER_03What happened with Haddress Curry or whatever?
SPEAKER_07So uh back in the day, you would take out what was called a bottomery. Uh and it was essentially an insurance uh policy on your ship and its cargo. Okay. Uh you were I'm trying to remember how it was worded. Like in return for you would take the loan, and that's where you would use the loan to deliver your cargo, basically. Uh, and in return, you promised the the bottom of the ship is where the term bottomer comes from.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Uh I've heard I think Jesse has promised his bottom to people before. I have.
SPEAKER_07He just promised it to Shaq, actually. Shaq, if you're watching this, I promise to my bottom.
SPEAKER_03Shaq will never talk to me again.
SPEAKER_07Never. Um so the policy came with a super high interest rate because it's high risk, obviously. Um, but the crazy part to me was if the ship sunk for whatever reason, you didn't have to repay the loan.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, the the lender just kind of sucks the loss, sucks the suck. You know? So uh this guy Hegestratos took out this this bottom reloan and took his ship to sea to deliver the cargo, and the crew caught him in the bottom of the boat trying to punch a hole in the boat so it would sink. And the the cargo that he was supposed to have on board, the the corn, it was corn, wasn't there. So he was gonna sink the boat and collect or just keep the the investment money that they used to f fund his his trip.
SPEAKER_01Keep the lettuce.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. He left the corn. Uh ultimately though, like I said, the the crew found him.
SPEAKER_00Punching a hole.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, trying to to sink the ship. Obviously, they didn't take too kindly to that. Uh as the testimony goes, he jumped off the ship and then drowned.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Both of our injuries to or both of our cases today have some mystery death in it.
SPEAKER_07I don't believe that he jumped off that ship.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_07I there's I don't think that he jumped.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you think there's mutiny and he was pushed?
SPEAKER_07Indeed. Okay. I think that he was fucking he walked the proverbial plank. Uh because I don't think they were pirates.
SPEAKER_01Was this like the Red Sea? Mediterranean? Greece? Greece? It was in Greece.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Uh it didn't say like where he was trying to go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_07But uh most likely. Yeah. That is could be the Adriotic. The oldest recorded fucking.
SPEAKER_05You're like claims still open, actually.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's pretty interesting with estrogen. I didn't know he uh what's his name again?
SPEAKER_07Agestratos. And then he had he also had a business partner named uh Xenothemus. And he actually ended up being convicted uh of whatever the fucking crime would have been at the time. Uh and he went to jail. He did two years in jail. Maybe probably fraud, whatever. Think they had lawyers back then?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03I always forget that in those days, like people had like similar problems like us.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, like I just assumed they were all like Neanderthals. Like there's just like the dumb Neanderthals.
SPEAKER_01Well not 300 AD.
SPEAKER_03Right, I know. I just but I just I don't know. I just like we have problems, right?
SPEAKER_01But like I just assume they you know, allegedly, uh I think it's pretty well documented. Our at least in America, like our our system stems from the Greeks and uh the Roman days, as well as a little bit of splash of Hebrew, so um like Jerusalem or whatever. Yeah, so some of that is splashed in there as well.
SPEAKER_07I only said it one time. I know, I'm just leaning into it.
SPEAKER_01I just like JJ's face because he's like I didn't say anything, but Tony's gonna have to do a lot of editing on this one.
SPEAKER_07I'm leaving it all.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no. No.
SPEAKER_03We could just blur out the Yeah, you can bleep it out, but I use my voice.
SPEAKER_01That's not no?
SPEAKER_03Okay. You guys have a better bleep bleep.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Now we have a professional bleep joke.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that's right. That's right.
SPEAKER_07I know a thing or two because I've said a thing or two. That's right. I've had to cut out. I've only had to cut out one joke at this point.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, that was for your own benefit. Oh, I have a question.
SPEAKER_03Uh, because you know we were talking about comics earlier. Yes. So who are some comics that you guys look up to? They could be dead or alive.
SPEAKER_01Um, you know, there's a couple, I think, for me. I mean, obviously, I like I mentioned Ryan Hamilton earlier. I really enjoy his stuff. I right now I really like Mark Norman. He's actually at Irvine Improv. I'm sad I got I missed him, but um, his tickets were going for like Brett, my husband looked it up nine thousand dollars for some tickets tonight on on Stub Hub.
SPEAKER_06Nine thousand?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because I mean people bought them and then they're like they're trying to resell them. No, no chance, no chance. But I really like Mark Norman. I like his stuff. I love um, you know, I obviously uh Joan Rivers. I think that her wit and and like so fast, so fast, you know, to be able to think that fast. Um, I appreciate her as well. Um, yeah, and I love Jim Gavkin. I think he's hilarious. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're all good, but well, right. I saw him in Vegas and he was like a surgeon. He hit the mark at 7 p.m. and he was done by 8 p.m. And it was just no, it was like literally no breaks. There was no sip of water, there was no like hold on, let me, you know, like it was just but then seeing Ron White, he does like he'll hold on, you know, takes a six and he's funny too. I don't know. I but I I really I really enjoy um you know, I I like Kathleen Madigan, she's hilarious too, and all of them they make it look so easy. That's the thing, they make it more conversational, and that's you know, that's hard to do. The only thing about Joan Rivers that always confused me is that she I did not think that she was unattractive, and I did not think she was fat, and she'd always be like, My fat ass, or like I'm so ugly, and I'd always be like, I don't so that was weird to me. Like it was confusing to think about self-deprecating humor when you when she I didn't think she she looked pretty, like she always dressed up nice, you know, but she'd always like act like she was unattractive.
SPEAKER_03She was hot.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I don't know if I'd go that far necessarily, but she was hot, yeah. But I always thought that was so that to me was a little odd, but other than that, I thought I thought she was great. So yeah, and apparently she all of her jokes were on index cards, and she kept them in like um basically like a library Dewey Decimal system. You know, like yeah, she would keep them and she she could pull out the drawer and pull out a joke. I that's interesting.
SPEAKER_07She really liked trains.
SPEAKER_01No, actually she didn't like trains.
SPEAKER_07So it's way worse than what the fuck I said.
SPEAKER_03That's right, Jill. You're you're going on the dark side again, J. You're going on the dark side again, Jenny.
SPEAKER_01You for cutting that out. But anyway. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03Wait for the moment. Carry on.
SPEAKER_00So um, yeah, anyways.
SPEAKER_03Joan Rivers is excellent. Yeah. She's excellent. I love Jim Gaffigan too. I first saw Jim with his hot pocket bit.
SPEAKER_01That is hilarious.
SPEAKER_03That's really what uh I think took off for him was that hot pocket bit. Yeah. And then he likes to make fun of his kids. At the time, he had I think he has like six now, but at the time he had like four, and he was like, you know what it's like having four kids? Yeah, it's like drowning, but with a fourth kid, you know, some shit. It was like, I can't deliver like him, but it was great.
SPEAKER_01He he also, so his wife and him, they're a writing team, is my understanding. His wife writes with him. Oh, nice. And she uh had brain cancer.
SPEAKER_04Oh shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and so the jokes that he told in Vegas that I when I saw him in Vegas, he was like, uh, he's like, you know, um, the way they describe cancer, they'll be like, You have a tumor that's three centimeters, but we're so stupid, we don't know what three centimeters is, so they have to describe it by vegetables and fruits. Like, you have a grapefruit size tumor, you have a grape-sized tumor. And he's like, He's like, You have an apple-sized tumor. He's like, he's like, but can you believe like grapefruit's like the worst sized cancer you could have? It's like grape, the best size cancer you could have. Do you think that maybe like we could use different say versus like oh your size of cancer is the size of a grape? And you're like, oh, thank god, fruit, oh shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's elite comedy.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, yeah, no, for sure. Elite, elite. So, but um, yeah, and he just went through a whole thing. I mean, and that's what's crazy is that's a true story. He turned it around, he turned that tragedy into comedy gold, just like I'm saying with Ryan Hamilton. He got hit by the bus, and it honestly, I he was like, How is he gonna make that funny? And he made it hilarious.
SPEAKER_07So trauma makes for the best comedy, dude. That's right, hands down. Yeah, that's right, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_01But but uh and who heard the so many people you look up to, Tony.
SPEAKER_07Uh my personal favorite is Dave Chappelle. Yeah, absolutely. And like, not only is he funny as fuck, like it's the way you will captivate an audience. Like he for however long his set is, whether it's 10 minutes or an hour, like he will have the entire audience like on the edge of their seats, waiting to see what the fuck he's gonna say next, and you really never know what the fuck is he gonna say. He'll start off on one thing, go off on a 10-minute story about something else, and then bring it right back to that one thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_07And he's so fucking good at that.
SPEAKER_01Um Do you know what's so funny about Dave Chappelle is he's popped up in two movies. Did you know he is in movies?
SPEAKER_03Uh no, I didn't know that. Which one?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so he was in The Nutty Professor. Okay, and he's almost unrecognizable because he's so skinny in it, but he's like the comic that's tackling uh uh Eddie Murphy when Eddie Murphy's fat.
SPEAKER_03Really?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so he's in that movie, okay? And then he's in You've Got Meal with Tom Hanks. Wow, that's he's like Tom Hanks' right hand man in the movie. Yeah, and so I was watching it like last year or something. I'm just like, oh whatever. And I'm like, how did I not remember? You know, and it's not like he's like super funny, he's just like he's funny, but it's not like he's like wacky, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_06So he's in a couple movies, yeah. Have you never seen Half Baked?
SPEAKER_01I don't think so.
SPEAKER_06He's the lead.
SPEAKER_01I look at it every Saturday.
SPEAKER_06Have you never seen Robin Hood Men in Tights?
SPEAKER_00I watch Half Baked every Saturday.
SPEAKER_07He's in you should.
SPEAKER_03Every Saturday.
SPEAKER_07No, I'm fully baked. That's why it took me a while to get it. You stick a toothpick in me, nothing is coming back out, is what I'm saying. You could pull me out of the oven. Smoke is gonna come back out. Okay.
SPEAKER_01So Dave Chappelle and uh Mitch Hedberg.
SPEAKER_07Oh, yes. He's so funny, too. Mitch Hedberg's a fucking killer, bro.
SPEAKER_03You know, there's a guy in Austin.
SPEAKER_01I do.
SPEAKER_03I've I've met him a couple times. His name is Keegan Carmichael. He's funny. Uh he get he used to get a lot of shit for uh imitating Mitch, but I've actually talked to him and seen him in person live, and he he is his own person, but it's very strikingly similar to Mitch.
SPEAKER_07Right, he might be Mitch reincarnated, he might be Mitch reincarnated.
SPEAKER_03And I never say that about comics, but he really might be really reincarnated.
SPEAKER_01But he has his own text, to be fair. He does. Like he kind of does like the swirl with his kind of does that. Um his hair is different. I mean, I think part of it is because he kind of similarly looks like him, but he doesn't wear the sunglasses like Mitch.
SPEAKER_04He doesn't.
SPEAKER_01Um and and he I think that he, you know, he has similar jokes because they're short into the buttons. They're similar in structure, right? Yeah, similar in structure, yeah. But I think it's also kind of smart in a sense because he's like let people talk shit because at least that's they're talking, you know. But I mean it's interesting because like people give him shit, but then like basically Timmy No Breaks is kind of doing uh an an Andrew Dice Clay very smart, but he's also I feel like he's got a very Andrew Dice Clay forward. He's from San Diego, but yeah, but I'm saying his his comedy is like Andrew's he's got a lot of Andrew Dice Clay style, right? Not but not how he delivers the jokes, his jokes are very different than Andrew Dice Clay, but he's got that same panache, you know, that that same delivery, right? Where it's like it's gonna hit you, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, he's great too. I just like that there's a lot of characters right now in the comedy world. Yeah, and it it makes it fun and exciting.
SPEAKER_01But I do think it's interesting because I wonder a person like Timmy No Briggs, like, does he now feel trapped by Timmy No Briggs because he cannot be his own person and he always or at some point he's going to break out and do his own thing?
SPEAKER_07No, at some point, well, uh maybe, but at some point he he's gonna have to feel like that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because I mean I feel like Adam Ray it did it in reverse. Like Adam Ray is and I he's also in my top group of tale. So he he was out of he was at least from my understanding, he's funny first, and then he branched off and did characters, right? So yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_07I just feel like it's like an actor that does a really good role their first time around, and then now that that's who you typecast.
SPEAKER_01Yep, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Like it doesn't matter what you do for the rest of your career, like Daniel Ratcliffe, it doesn't matter what he does the rest of his career, he's fucking Harry Potter.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you're right, or Toby McGuire, he's Spider Man Spider-Man, or uh who's that other comic? Larry the cable man is another one. He doesn't really talk like that.
SPEAKER_01Or cable guy is that label Larry the Cable Guy, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05He doesn't talk like that. He's from like Ohio or something.
SPEAKER_01Uh I think he's from Nebraska. I know he he's a big Cornhuskers fan, so yeah, he sees the tickets to the yeah, but I'm I mean he might be originally, but I know wherever the mooses live, you know, right there.
SPEAKER_03Mooses? Is that where they live? In Nebraska and shit? The mooses?
SPEAKER_01I don't think so. No?
SPEAKER_03All right, well, I know they live in they live in Alaska.
SPEAKER_01That's where I just was. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03How is Alaska, by the way? You you uh by the way, Alaska is one of the only places where the sun goes up for like four days straight, right?
SPEAKER_01So it's the last frontier and it's the the uh midnight sun. It's known for the midnight sun. So basically in the summertime it's bright like this until like 2 a.m. and then it gets a little dark and then it barely, and then it's back to this. Like you're going to sleep with like the sun, right? But in the winter, it's the reverse. Dark always dark.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, yeah, that's scary.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I've been up there in um I haven't been in there during winter proper. Like I've been there for Thanksgiving. Um, so that's still considered fall. So it gets, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_07It's probably still in the negatives.
SPEAKER_01It's it I it was Dylan said, like I think um, like one time I was there, it was like 10 degrees. I don't think it was negatives, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_07And um, but it it never Native Californians can't even imagine 10 degrees.
SPEAKER_01It's insane. But the it got dark, but it wasn't dark uh like 20 hours, you know what I'm saying? It would, but it got like dusky, and then it would get back to dark again. So it was never quite bright, but it was never like it wasn't dark the whole time I was there, if that makes sense. But that's weird because then that throws you for a loop too. Cause then you like when I was there this time, and it's like I'm wide awake, and I'm like, oh my god, it's like 9:30, and I'm still like just like it feels like I'm it's four o'clock in the afternoon, you know, which is the reverse when you're there when it's dark, because it's like I'm so tired. It's like, oh my god, it's only two o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, it's interesting. But yeah, we saw moose, we saw caribou, I saw a grizzly bear, saw a porcupine, saw an eagle.
SPEAKER_03It's a lot of wildlife out there. Yeah. A lot of wildlife.
SPEAKER_01I was in Denali National Park, which is interior Alaska. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03The only wildlife I've ever seen was uh is a torta? Uh yes, a torta. Very aggressive. They say they're domesticated, but they're not. Wild. They're absolutely wild. Um, depending on the torta, will depend on the size nails that they have. Venomous. Um, claws. Some of them are venomous, like a Komodo dragon. If they very toxic, you'll end up in the hospital for sure.
SPEAKER_01And some of the claws have like little spinny things on them, too. Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03And but you know, they're related to rabbits because they get pregnant so easily. It's insane how pregnant they get. Very fertile. Very fertile. Yes. Yes, but um uh those are wild animals.
SPEAKER_01You also have a panache for finding pinoch is my word of the day, I guess. I don't know why. Um, but you have a you have a um you have some how you collect turtles on the side of the road, too.
SPEAKER_03I do. My ex used to give me a lot of shit about that. Um, because uh I like saving animals. This is true. I've saved deer before, I've saved turtles, all types of turtles. But recently you're talking about my video, right? Yeah, yeah, I will go out of my way to save a fucking turtle. Yeah, I don't know why, but I catch them all the time.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, I've saved squirrels, birds. You should see me. I'm like fucking Steve Irwin. They're just staving animals. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing.
SPEAKER_01I was thinking kind of like Cinderella, too, where all the animals come to you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and they just come, and that guy's dwarfs and shit.
SPEAKER_01Cinderfella.
SPEAKER_03Cinderella?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I'm Cinderfella. No, that's actually a movie. Did you know that? No, hell no. Yeah, uh, oh gosh, the guy.
SPEAKER_06That sounds like some white people shit.
SPEAKER_01Uh Jerry. Jerry? You remember Jerry from Jerry's Kids?
SPEAKER_00Jerry, he's like, oh, wow. Like.
SPEAKER_03Don't look at me. I didn't know. The only Jerry I know is Stiller.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, I'm gonna say it to you. And I'm so But this is JJ.
SPEAKER_03She goes, you know Jerry? And I'm like, Jerry Who? And she's like, it's a very accurate representation of your personality. Oh, Jerry. The crackhead and Santana. That one. That's a good Jerry.
SPEAKER_00It is Jerry Lewis.
SPEAKER_03Oh, Jerry Lewis. Yeah. Okay, I didn't know he well, well, I didn't know he did that.
SPEAKER_00Well, you don't know?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yes, for sure.
SPEAKER_03I gotta watch more Jerry. Like kind of like just that's gonna be a short. Yes. You need to make that a short. Just you going. No, uh, Jerry Lewis. Look, I'm gonna show you time now. Hold on.
SPEAKER_01Anyways, probably is it time?
SPEAKER_03What time is it? Is it time already?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, I think let's let's save that for after the pod. And um, thank you so much for coming. What do you got? Any shows coming up in the next couple weeks?
SPEAKER_03Um, I have a roast battle uh this uh next Saturday, and then I have another show next Friday. Roastbusters, yes. I'm trying to I'm trying to get into the Roast Busters League because I want to. That's awesome. And um, you know, I'm trying to I'm trying to that's how I'm trying to do my comedy. Um I did a lot of roast battles in San Antonio and I lost a shitload, but uh it kind of discouraged me in a little way. Yeah. Um and so now that I'm doing it again, I kind of fell in love with it again.
SPEAKER_01Do you like pre-write some of your stuff out, but then also you're flexible when you're on stage or uh yes, correct.
SPEAKER_03So what I try to do is I try to find insults right off the bat in my head. Uh-huh. Um, I I'm never gonna use them against you, but I have insults ready to go at all times. And so um, and then there's certain insults that you can I keep calling them insults, but there's certain roasters that you can do that uh that are kind of universal. You can use them for everybody.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And so those are the ones that you kind of keep over time, and you know, you just do you think there's a disadvantage?
SPEAKER_01Like I definitely see roasters that are like, and you're so done. Do you do you see that where they're like reading it? Do you think that's a disadvantage?
SPEAKER_03Um, it's a performance, yeah. Right. So I in my opinion, you shouldn't go up there with your notes. I mean, it's okay to look, but you should still give a performance.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, you shouldn't just be consistently reading off of your fucking you need to be engaged with the audience and your opponent, or even if you're just on stage as a stand-up comic, as an as opposed to roasting, like you still need to be present in the moment as opposed to just.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, do you have a response? Like, I know that Joseph Carter goes, Oh hell no. Hell no.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I love Joseph. Uh yeah, shout out to Joseph.
SPEAKER_06Oh hell no.
SPEAKER_07Oh, hell no. He goes, You hear me? What did he say?
SPEAKER_01This shit looks like he said this place looks like a his his is like hell no, is like hell, so it's like H E E R. I'm almost like her and then N-A-A-W.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, where he's from, this is straight of Louisiana.
SPEAKER_07You gotta pronounce that shit with the city.
SPEAKER_03What's your um so depending, but if somebody roasts me really bad, um I usually will just either stay very quiet and then you gotta make sure the next one is just as lethal or worse. Yeah, um, but I always try to point at something obvious about you, something that everybody can relate. So if you got fucked up teeth, I'm knocking your teeth out. If you got a pimple, I'm gonna talk about your pimple. If you got you know, dreads, I'm gonna talk about your dreads. If you stink, I'm gonna let you know. You know, so it's like you're not gonna be.
SPEAKER_01I almost feel like this is all geared towards me because the way you were saying, but when you said dreads, that's not me.
SPEAKER_03I had to say that because I was like, I felt you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I felt like you're like Jack's teeth fucking pimple.
SPEAKER_00I mean, sorry.
SPEAKER_07Her hair is actually a weave. She has dreads on it.
SPEAKER_03You should get dreads when they have a big thing. Dreads are the same color.
SPEAKER_01Hell no.
SPEAKER_03Joseph is great, man. He's an elite roaster. So funny. Him and DeHerm are the two people that I back up all the time in LA because they're just elite roasters for me. And they they know exactly what they're doing. What they man, hanging out with them is uh overwhelming at times because you're just like, hey, how was your day? And they're like, well, hell no! You look like uh what'd he call me the other day? He's like, You look like uh Mexican that can't. I forgot what he said, but it was just absolutely insane. Yeah, they they're just crazy. So yeah, but anyways, I don't know if we cut it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it sounds good, and uh, thank you so much for coming in. Thank you. When you're back from Teas, we have to have you back.
SPEAKER_03Yes, absolutely. Yeah, no, I I definitely bring you guys some stories. It's awesome.
SPEAKER_01Thank you so much. See you guys next time. Like and subscribe.
SPEAKER_06Peace.