Listen Up And No One Gets Hurt

Who Needs $150K?

JJ Jorgenson, Tonio Season 1 Episode 17

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0:00 | 47:07

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Could you use $150,000?? Do you have detective skills? Do you enjoy laughing? Then you've come to the right place!

This week JJ & Tonio welcome special guest, Timmy De La Cruz to the show and things get a little... interesting.

We bring current, still open cases to the table as we take a deep dive into one of America's most wanted swindlers, Christopher W Burns.

Then we travel across the world from Thailand all the way back to the states to discuss an alleged $340m Ponzi scheme allegedly perpetrated by Olena Oblamska aka Lola Ferrari.

As usual we relay the information of these cases in a comedic way and we also discuss life, comedy and today, paternity???

SPEAKER_03

I mean, we went from talking about high functioning engineers to Oh j just to then Timmy Alright, listen up and no one gets hurt. This is a podcast that focuses on crimes and scams where no one physically gets harmed. This is a podcast for information and internet. Nothing in this podcast I'm taking at legal advice.

SPEAKER_01

So listen up and no one gets hurt. New York said that. Alright, well don't forget to like and subscribe, put in the comments, tell us which game you'd like us to cover.

SPEAKER_03

Welcome back to this week's episode. We have a killer with us today. We have Timmy. Hi. Give us your information.

SPEAKER_00

Uh like what my name? Yeah, your Instagram, your Instagram. Oh yeah, yeah, that works. That's actually that that's good networking. I'm still learning how to like talk to people and shit. Uh my name's Timmy Delacruz. My Instagram handle is D-E-L-A 831, Daylaw 831. And then I have a scientific YouTube channel that I need to resurrect called Cholo Science.

SPEAKER_03

Cholo Science?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

What's that about?

SPEAKER_00

I like the sound of that. So I think the last couple were just like animals on the endangered species list and like their extinction and how like people moving into basically industrialization of like rainforests in South America are like destroying certain uh habitats, right? But a lot of it's because like my background educationally is biomedical and electrical engineering.

SPEAKER_03

Woo!

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and then my research background is molecular and developmental bio.

SPEAKER_03

Where did you do your undergrad at?

SPEAKER_00

Cal State Long Beach.

SPEAKER_03

My brother was a biomedical electrical engineer at Cal State Long Beach.

SPEAKER_00

What really? When uh in the 80s, but I'm like, my brother like graduated there doing mechanical in like 2007.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

That's actually why I like ended up going to college. Like no one showed up to my high school graduation. My brother graduated like a week later, and everyone was there. I was like, I'm like, uh, I'm kind of impressed I made it at high school. Is no one else impressed?

SPEAKER_03

Like, yeah, my brother graduated number one in his class. I hate him. It's insane. Like he's so smart. Um, I think it's Magnum cum lati or something like that. Yeah, he is insane.

SPEAKER_00

They just started adding like Greek alphabets. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and like he, I I guess at some point he was asked not to take some math class or sorry, math tests, because they're like, You're gonna disrupt the curve. And he's like, I'm still gonna take the test. I like to take the test. I will take the test. So he disrupted the curve.

SPEAKER_00

I like to take the test is crazy. Well, yeah. No, he's he's I just want you to know that.

SPEAKER_03

No, he's a genius, like it's insane. Like it literally is so insane. Yeah. And then and then he got his master's in electrical engineering.

SPEAKER_00

No, that's res I respect that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And then what makes it even funnier is that my other brother's a doctor, and so then all of his friends are like, Oh, who's your smartest kid? And my mom's like, I don't play that game. And they're like, Well, but you have three smart kids. Uh, who's the smartest? My dad will straight up tell you it's not Jessica, but not JJ, but uh so correction. That's not my name. No, she's my dad will be like, um, yeah, no, it's it's because like I happen to be really good at some board games. I don't necessarily want to play the game risk, but I kick someone's ass at risk, and so then he thinks I'm so smart now. And so he was telling my dad, he's like, Oh, your daughter, she's so smart. And he's like, Is she your smartest kid? And my dad's like, no. But my mom's like, I don't play that game. And so my middle brother, they're like, Oh, but your son's a doctor, he must be the smartest. And my mom's like, Well, we're gonna go by that barometer. She's like, My my oldest son graduated number one in his class, and I don't think it gets any better than that. So I'm gonna go with number one. Number one is the smartest kid, so yeah. Yeah, this is such a crazy major biomedical and electrical engineering. And here you are.

SPEAKER_00

This that's yeah, because a lot of people don't yeah, because you've seen me on stage, yeah. Yeah, that's how I am in like a professional environment.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Well, so so my one of the things, sorry to nerd out here. One of the things my brother worked, he worked at a company called Medstone. I don't even know if they're still around, but what they did where they were working on like kidney dialysis, okay, and they were also working on um mobilizing a hand, so like someone who has like an amputated situation, like an amputated hand or maybe like amputated fingers. And then they could link it up, and then that's what he was working on that, like it was early 90s, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. So that's what he was working on after we should that's what it makes sense.

SPEAKER_00

I used to work at a cancer treatment company. That's awesome. Yeah, no, and then prior to that I was working on like medical devices, and now I'm just winning on like a couple other interviews. I really want to switch industries from like biotech and pharma to either like aerospace or EVs.

SPEAKER_03

Wow, you really missed out. You should have been at SpaceX like two weeks ago because they just hit they went public and everybody's wealthy, wealthy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I have friends that I one of my friends was like, no, I had to take like two years sabbatical after working there. I was like, why? It's like but did he have stock? I think they did. Yeah, she's probably good. I need to check in on it. Yeah, I'm like, hey, you remember how like I helped you cheat that one time? Hey girl, aren't we besties? Like, I ain't talked to you in three years. I'm like, let's reconnect. I always think about you. That's a good time. I really miss you with my whole heart. Every time I think about you, my hair curls. Oh, you're looking like a poodle. Um, you should write that. That's fucking funny. I don't become a rat, I become curled.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that makes a lot of sense though, because engineers, like, okay, so I there's a really I know try to keep it on track.

SPEAKER_01

Try to keep it on track.

SPEAKER_03

So engineers, you know, no offense, but a lot of times aren't necessarily known for their social you know, yeah, no acuity.

SPEAKER_00

They're really bad.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but if you can break through that, like um that there's this country artist I really like named Chris Stableton, Tennessee Whiskey. You've heard the song Tennessee Whiskey. Okay, so he was an engineer at Vanderbilt, undergrad. Yeah, he was a freshman, and then he dropped out and and because he was a songwriter, and so he started doing the songwriting thing, and he didn't need to be in college anymore. And so my understanding is he just went straight into songwriting. But there is an equation to songwriting, I think. You know what I mean? There's I think there's an equation to joke writing, and I think if you're if you can unlock the equation in your own mind, you you can make something with it. So I think that you're onto something here.

SPEAKER_00

What the hell is wrong with me then? Um no, because like I know my brother uh is mechanical and he works at he works like within the oil and petrol industry. He does a lot of project coordination, my sister-in-law also. Uh but he specifically has uh attributed a lot of his success to the fact that although draining, he can be very social and interact with people, and then he's just it's kind of like how like if I right because I think most people know this about me now. Like, if I leave my house to hit even a single open mic, I'm gonna try to hit three or four. Right, which a lot of people are like that's iconic. I'm like, no, I already I did three yesterday, it's only Tuesday. We could we get another 12 this week, and like you don't have to do that, but like I know for my brother, um, he attributes his socialness or sociability to a lot like success in like yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I I've heard before that MIT has incorporated into their curriculum uh like social skills.

SPEAKER_00

You're so bad at speaking at girls, part of your curriculum, you gotta do speed dating.

SPEAKER_03

Hey, that's sexist. There are women at MIT too.

SPEAKER_00

So yeah, but like they don't need help socializing, the boys do.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. I've met some I've seen I've met I've met some some very smart ladies that have a hard time chatting.

SPEAKER_00

That's so I would talk to them. Yeah, they got glasses. I love girls with glasses. I love women with glasses. It's like, ooh, quirk. I like it. You want to see the world, you don't need those glasses. It's like jinkies.

SPEAKER_03

So you know, you know the comedian Ben Dwong?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I've heard the rumor is that he wears glasses, but then when he goes on stage, he doesn't wear glasses. And I don't know. I I guess that may maybe that like you don't see the faces of the people, so it like lowers your inhibitions, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

I took my glasses off at remix room. I didn't like it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, that's because it looks like a bad acid trip without if you let remix room.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that's that's a good point. How do you not get like a lot of remix room? Just so we're clear. We're very grateful for the opportunity.

SPEAKER_03

Oh no, remix room is great. You know what I also don't like about remix room is that when someone invites you to be a part of remixed room and then they don't show up.

SPEAKER_02

Wow, that guy sounds like a dick.

SPEAKER_03

And know anything about that, Mr. Timmy?

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna bring you back in July. I was like, we'll see each other in July. It's like Christmas, but in July. We'll we'll bond then.

SPEAKER_03

But but real quick, real quick, real quick. Um, so De La Cruz, you know, one of one of my favorite songs from the 90s.

SPEAKER_00

De La Soul. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Groove is in the heart.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I was thinking about me, myself, and I.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I didn't they do Groove is in the Heart? I thought they did Did they?

SPEAKER_00

I think the first one I think of is always like Me, Myself, and I.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I'll have to look it up.

SPEAKER_00

This is gonna be a nice little fun fact to put on like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I mean, here we go. He's gonna fact check me. I thought it was De La Soul.

SPEAKER_00

Oh shit, I just realized you're matching the shirt and the hat. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_03

Look up Groove is in the Heart.

SPEAKER_00

Do you think SpongeBob smashed Shandy Cheeks? If anything, it was the other way around. She smashed him? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

I'm too old. SpongeBob's definitely a bottle. I'm too old for this conversation. This is really fun, entertaining for the viewer.

SPEAKER_01

Groove is in the heart is D light. Oh, you were called you had the D.

SPEAKER_03

That's right.

SPEAKER_00

What more do you need?

SPEAKER_03

That's right. I am wow. I now I was feeling pretty good because I got the I I got some songs before we went on. I was talking about some songs and I got the lyrics correct, and now I just totally just lost my.

SPEAKER_01

We're even now. That's why I had to fact check because that was great.

SPEAKER_00

You got balance of scales. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Checks and balances and I don't like crime. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

It's interesting. Um, I was actually telling Tony when I when I get in the sun, which I never do because I don't want to look at old looking. But uh when I do go in the sun, I do tan up a little bit. And I have been asked if I'm Cuban, but my Cuban friends are like, no, that's not true. They're like, that I I call the shit.

SPEAKER_00

No.

SPEAKER_03

Don't you think you can I wish, but no, um, no, I don't like to go in the sun. I just it's it's you know, cancer.

SPEAKER_00

Is it like the tanning?

SPEAKER_03

It's it's it's a combination of things. I have an uncle who passed away of skin cancer. My mom's had skin cancer, and um, it's also not good for your skin. I mean, you want a little bit, but not a lot, because then it you can get, you know, a little crispy. So look old real quick. I want my Botox the lack.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like then you gotta balance, right? Because like what lack of vitamin D leads to like depression? Yeah, but then too much D leads to cancer.

SPEAKER_03

And other things.

SPEAKER_00

Pregnancy. Stares and gravity form. Oh Jesus Christ. Did you know women get still still get pregnant at 40? I just found out this week. 46-year-old children. Are you gonna be a dad?

SPEAKER_02

No, so that's why I did.

SPEAKER_00

That's that's how I lived in my 20s. I was like, she looked like she's going through menopause. Apparently, my brain, okay. Well, I thought like it was like 35 and up, and I was like, we good. And then someone's like, no. And I was like, all right, 40 and up, good. And now I'm like, yo, I might have done goof. Now I'm like, oh, I just found out like three days ago and it's been screwing my head.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, yeah. So you might be a dad.

SPEAKER_00

Then I'm sure most of them were married. Oh, that's what I was gonna ask you. Because aren't you a lawyer?

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, so if I asked for permission prior to sleeping with his wife, whoa, you'd be surprised. Sometimes you just have to ask. Alright, so if you if you because I don't know if it changes, like, alright, I can understand that, like, oh, if you if it was a cheating scenario and she said she was single, I can see how that's my baby. But if we have an agreement that I'm going to sleep with your wife, and then somewhere it's like, hey, just go for it, and I do, like, I don't need to sign affidavit, like I need I fully release this movie. You still gotta pay child support.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Sounds like you just got tricked into paying child support.

SPEAKER_00

Like remove the prophylactic. I don't know why it makes me saying comfortable.

SPEAKER_03

I I I there's no I mean unless unless there's some kind of an agreement. I don't I don't even know if the agreement it's you'd I I don't know how that would work.

SPEAKER_00

I don't feel comfortable. Like, I still don't even know when the right time to say thank you during sex is. So I don't know when like the right time to be like, hey, uh this how did we get the splash on your forehead is like contractually binding about how to take care of this child.

SPEAKER_03

Does Timmy know what podcast he's on today?

SPEAKER_00

I don't think so. No, never mind. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03

I think the podcast you want is in the room next door. Oh, that's cool.

SPEAKER_01

I actually specifically on YouTube have to click this is not made for kids.

unknown

Cool.

SPEAKER_03

Do you have any topics to discuss? Do I have topics to discuss?

SPEAKER_00

Let's let's re- let's re-like program my brain real quick.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, we went from talking about high-functioning engineers to oh degeneracy essentially to then Timmy.

SPEAKER_01

We're here. We're doing the thing.

SPEAKER_03

Well, so speaking of trial support, it sounds like you might need some money. Do you need some money?

SPEAKER_00

No, not right now.

SPEAKER_03

Tonyo, do you need any money?

SPEAKER_00

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_03

How would $150,000 sound?

SPEAKER_01

Yo, that'd be great.

SPEAKER_03

You want $150,000? Absolutely. Do you want to know how you could get $150,000?

SPEAKER_00

I would do disgusting things for $150,000. I would convince him to do more disgusting things for $150,000.

SPEAKER_03

Well, all you have to do is find Christopher W. Burns and the the federal government, the FBI, will award you with $150,000.

SPEAKER_01

Who's that?

SPEAKER_03

He's on the FBI's most wanted list.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I need to know more before I decide whether or not I'm snitching. I'm definitely snitching. Like what do you what did he do?

SPEAKER_03

So Christopher Burns is a man out of Georgia and uh he possibly defrauded people out of uh $10 million.

SPEAKER_00

So I'm getting $150. $150,000. But he could potentially give me a mil.

SPEAKER_03

No, he has no money. Okay. He's on the run. His his accounts are frozen, they're locked, and they didn't have a lot of money in them to begin with, because he cleaned it out before he went on the run, in my opinion. So and this is all alleged. This is a this is a live uh situation. It is ongoing investigation. Like right now. Well, he's he's wanted. Oh, I guess that's so he has not been convicted, he has not been, he hasn't even I don't even know if he's been charged because they haven't been able to arrest him.

SPEAKER_00

So he wasn't like some guy that pretended to be part of the government and like stole a bunch of gold and then like disappeared.

SPEAKER_03

That's a different person.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, now you can be like indicted though without them finding you, right?

SPEAKER_03

I believe so. I don't do criminal law, but I believe that I believe you can there can be an indictment. I mean they can do a bench warrant for you, that sort of thing. But yeah, he I my understanding is he's he is well, I he has not been arrested. But the SEC was investigating him. He caught wind of the investigation and got out of there allegedly.

SPEAKER_01

I'm sure he had some money set aside for that situation.

SPEAKER_03

He's married, and uh he was in the he divorced his wife or started the proceedings to divorce his wife.

SPEAKER_00

Good man.

SPEAKER_03

He did a quick claim of all the uh assets that he had, I guess, of the house, whatever, so the deed was clear to her. And uh he they found his car, I believe, at the Atlanta airport, and that's it.

SPEAKER_01

Did she get half of their assets?

SPEAKER_03

So what's interesting is she is also named as a defendant. She's like a receiving defendant or something to that, or like a a secondary, I think they called it a secondary defendant. So not necessarily saying that she did the crimes, but basically because she's like an accessory. No, no, that's not what I don't believe that's what they're saying. What the idea is that um that so I think it's so that way they can not so she can't spend any of the money because she received money in the marriage that was uh obtained uh allegedly illegally, and so in order to try to recover those funds, my understanding is that's why she's been named as like a secondary defendant. Yeah, I don't know. I like I said, I don't do criminal law, and I'm not sure, but um, I should have probably investigated and researched a little bit more, but you know, but we're just you know just doing a friendly podcast.

SPEAKER_00

No, next time you're at the remix room, and you could we you and I could sit down in the back and have like a update with less fancy equipment and just do you have a podcast there? No, but we've been thinking about making that back area. Okay, like a comic lounge just we're talking and I know for Jesse's Jesse and like JP and all that next week. We're gonna do it back there just because someone can I can I give you some feedback?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, go fine. I don't know if I would do that because when we were there, if you put a comic room, uh that's your whole audience. Yeah, that's our whole audience would have been in the back room.

SPEAKER_00

It wasn't my idea. I'm like, alright, we run in it. I thought people had ideas.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean, I think if you had more people in there, that makes sense. But I mean, but I think it's just kind of in its infancy.

SPEAKER_00

So essentially like the largest stage was running it out for like a private karaoke party. But the last couple times that's happened, either A, those people have been like, no, we want comedy out here, or B, they're they just didn't show up.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So like I'm like, no, I think the room is great. Don't get me wrong. I think the room is great. I think it's a it's an awesome spot. I love everything, I love the decor, everything was so funny. That that's true. Um, Tonio got very lucky with parking, he was able to park around.

SPEAKER_00

Right in front of the door. Night. Good shit. Good shit.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Um, I had to pay to park, but that's okay. I don't, I you know, I'd walk by two people doing drugs, and um, yeah, that's it. That's all that's it. In Hollywood? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

You went like a whole two blocks, technically, right?

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I only walked one block, but yeah, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you only saw two people, but they weren't together.

SPEAKER_03

They were doing it separately. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, they needed their sharing isn't always caring. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so yeah, so Chris Burns um in Georgia on the run. Allegedly, he was um making promises to people as a wealth advisor or financial advisor, saying, you know, um promissory notes like I'm gonna get you 10 to 15% returns, which should be a red flag right there. And I think it was like he could do it within like three months, another red flag. Yeah. So uh these are some of the things that he was doing. But you know what was, I in my opinion, diabolical is that he had his own radio show, and so he was trying to build up this like you know reputation for being a you know good guy, a wealth manager, he knows what he's talking about, and so people were very trusting of him because he had this radio show and he was explaining like you know how to do investments and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00

Isn't it like Gordon Ramsay? Is it Gordon Ramsay?

SPEAKER_03

I think Ramsey. But I think that they I don't know that this individual did or didn't do it. I've never listened to him when I was radio.

SPEAKER_00

No, I mean, hypothetically, if they were trying to do like a financial podcast or like yeah, would it be similar to like if I'm even thinking of the right financial podcast, something written that lane?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I I know what you're talking about. And then when those people do it, they're supposed to do like disclaimers like I have stock in this or I don't have stock in this, because otherwise, if they're like, oh yeah, you know, um the you know, I I would really buy this index of you know XMZ, XMZ is great, and then uh you don't know that he has XMZ, and then all these people are buying XMZ and then his stock goes up, you know. So yeah, he you can't do that. He has you have to disclose, you know, what you actually are investing in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's like a like if some random dude off the street was like, hey brother, give me like ten dollars, I'll I'll shoot you 17 next week. You're like, no.

SPEAKER_01

But if they're in a nice suit tell me that all the time. Do you go for it? Fuck no.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but if they're in a nice suit and they're like $17,000, you're like, maybe.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that's part of the thing. A lot of times they present themselves in a way, these con artists that we've talked about in other episodes, they present themselves as trustworthy. They wear the right clothes, they drive the right car. This guy had a beautiful, you know, mansion. So he has this lifestyle, which people are like, they buy into it. Because if you're if you're wealth manager or you're fine, you know, I mean, obviously, if you're just out of college and you're just a kid, you know, you're cutting your teeth, you're not gonna be like in a mansion. There'd probably be questions asked if you were. But if you're, you know, mid 40s and you've been doing this for 20 years and you don't have assets behind you, people probably be like, Well, how are you a wealth manager if you don't have these things? You know, so in the fact that he had these things, it's like, oh yeah, that makes sense. He's a wealth manager, like he's doing the right thing. So, yeah, so he was he was um offering peer to peer land. And he was saying that it was secured lending. And he would double like do double securities where he'd be like, um, a promissory note that you're gonna get this percentage, and then he'd also say, and if you don't, I'll pay you back a hundred percent, allegedly. That's what he would tell them. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Uh uh obviously I know, but just in case anyone at home doesn't, what's peer-peer loaning?

SPEAKER_03

Uh wait, you said you do know what it is?

SPEAKER_00

Um no, I don't. Actually, you know what? Yeah, I don't know. I'm like, is that you like loan it to him and I take like a service fee?

SPEAKER_03

Uh that's my understanding, yeah. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And then like the promissory note is basically an IOU.

SPEAKER_03

Basically, yes. Yes, it's basically a piece of paper that's just saying, like, I'm good for it, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Trust me.

SPEAKER_03

Trust me, bro.

SPEAKER_00

We could it's never gone bad before ever. Right. Not an narrow talk.

SPEAKER_03

But these people are like, oh wow, he's offering to pay me 100% of what I'm investing. If I don't, like if things go wrong, I am double secured. So they were they're investing. But basically, what it was was a Peter robbing Peter to Pay Paul situation where he was taking new investors' money to pay off the earlier investors, and then he was taking some for himself and repeating the process.

SPEAKER_00

That like a Ponzi thing.

SPEAKER_03

Exactly. Okay. You're right. That's exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_00

So it's I know words.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

So he didn't repay the interest, he didn't repay the loans, uh, he wasn't actually investing anything except for himself. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. And um, and then when he got win of the SEC investigating him, he he bounced. So he is on the run.

SPEAKER_01

Two sheets to the wind, because I'm telling you, he for sure had some cash set aside. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Allegedly.

SPEAKER_02

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

So but what he's uh sorry, what he's facing is wire fraud, mail fraud, and money laundering.

SPEAKER_00

A wire fraud, boy. Yeah. How bad's wire fraud? How bad's wire fraud?

SPEAKER_03

Oh, that's how they get you. That's that's because you're crossing state lines. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So that's like the main charge.

SPEAKER_03

Mail fraud and wire fraud both, yeah. So it's more it it ratchets up like work, you know. They want to be able to tag on as many things as they possibly can to then make your uh you know, your conviction stick. Like you have uh you have multiple opportunities to get in a convention conviction if you have more cards.

SPEAKER_00

Multiple like laser traps, basically.

SPEAKER_01

It's like having six bingo cards in front of you instead of one. Like you have more chances to hit the bingo. Yeah. Yeah. Correct me, am I wrong? I like that. No, no, I think that's right. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

100%. So yeah, so he has those are his that's what he's facing. And uh yeah, they don't they haven't found and this is like I think he was like 2023, 2024. I think he's been missing since then.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, he they're never gonna find him. Say again, he's been gone for a while.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, yeah, he's one of the top 10 FBIs most wanted.

SPEAKER_00

Like what if he just left the country and went somewhere else?

SPEAKER_03

Well, it depends. Like, if they're able to find him, it depends on what country you go to. Some countries you can extradite them back, and some countries you don't. Yeah, I think Vietnam might be one that you can't extradite. Um, but uh I think it's also depends on the crime. So like um, I think I I don't know again, don't do this area of law, but I think there's situations where like let's say a country doesn't have the death penalty and the person that went the per the the suspect, the defendant went to that country and they're facing the death penalty in America, the country in question won't allow the extradition because we have the death penalty and they're facing the death penalty. So, in order to agree to get them to come back, you have to say we're not gonna pursue the death penalty. Yeah. Isn't that wild? So then it would be a lesser I didn't know that. I that's my under yeah, I'm again, these are my understandings of you know, basic understandings.

SPEAKER_00

I would just lie. Like, nah, he couldn't.

SPEAKER_03

No, but think about it. If you do that, you do that, and then you have another person that goes to that same country, then they're probably not gonna trust you next time, right?

SPEAKER_00

Mechanical malfunction on a plane.

SPEAKER_03

He drowned back to mechanics, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like things go wrong, you know.

SPEAKER_01

You say he drowned on a plane? That's a hell of a mechanical malfunction. Over the ocean.

SPEAKER_00

No survivors, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So that's fucking good. But it's kind of interesting because this I wonder, I wonder if his wife knew what she knew, what she didn't know.

SPEAKER_01

The wife always knows.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I don't know if they have kids either. Like, that's gonna be but that's gonna be so hard to like if you didn't know, and then just like one day, like your husband or your spouse comes home and tells you, hey, by the way, this is why we have all this money.

SPEAKER_00

This is all lies.

SPEAKER_03

Or imagine he doesn't even tell her type shit.

SPEAKER_00

He just disappears. Yeah, like she just woke up one day, the bed was empty.

SPEAKER_03

Well, no, she wakes up one day, I want to divorce you, but I'm gonna give you the house. I'm just not happy anymore. And then and then he leaves, and then you find out that the SEC is investigating him.

SPEAKER_00

Because I I think at first I'd be like, You're cheating, right? Like there's someone else. And it's like, no, it's just a high-level criminal.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I mean, there is it is it's a financial mistress in some ways. No, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01

But how would you feel? Me, yeah, in that specific situation where like you wake up that day and he's just like, hey, I'm done, and then you find out later on, like initially, obviously you'd probably be devastated, but like once you found out that he's under investigation by the SEC, would that change how you felt about the situation?

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I think my first thought would be like, I what it what happened, like why is the relationship breaking apart? Like the actual like the love. Like, I thought the love was there. Yeah, but then after finding it out, then I probably feel somewhat relief, like, okay, so it wasn't the relationship, it was that he was doing bad things. Then I would be mad. Like that would be my next step, would be mad that he was doing these things. I would be upset that he didn't tell me that he was doing these things, and then I would be embarrassed. I think that I think more than anything, I'd be embarrassed.

SPEAKER_01

So you wouldn't have any time be like, damn, at least he was trying to protect me.

SPEAKER_03

I would oh, that's interesting. Well, because I I don't look at it as protection at all because he was doing all these things behind my back, knowing full well that it was I'm I'm almost as liable as he is.

SPEAKER_00

It's the break of trust. Yeah, I think that's fair.

SPEAKER_03

But I I think I see what you're saying though. I I could see I could see, but the see that's where you're you're turning it as a positive. Like, oh, he did all the he stole all this money for me.

SPEAKER_00

She only punches me because she loves me.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so I but I think I think that I would be very embarrassed, and I probably would want to move out of that town because I would be so embarrassed that everyone knows, especially you know, being from the South, I'm sure, like small town, like everybody knows what happened.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, absolutely. I couldn't get away with shit when I was a kid. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Wait, where'd you grow up?

SPEAKER_01

In Virginia.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

It doesn't matter where I was at. Somebody would call my grandma or my mom and tell them what exactly what I was doing and where I was at.

SPEAKER_03

And you grew up in California?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Where do I ask?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I was born in San Jose and I grew up in Salinas. Oh that's where your lettuce comes from.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, that's weird. We were talking about lettuce earlier then. Yeah, we did. That's funny. Um, so so you were NorCal?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. And your brother was at Long Beach also?

SPEAKER_00

Uh he made a decision after community college to move to Long Beach and go to Cal State Long Beach. My family made a decision that I now could not live in NorCal.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Do you know? Because your mascot was the 49ers, right? But then it changed. Yes. What is it now, the sharks or something? Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It was the sharks, a giraffe, or a cracking. They should have gone with the kraken. What's cracking would have been a dope phrase. Right? Like you show up at Long Beach for like a game, and you just have the mascot. Well, hey, homie, what's cracking? Like it works. It works. Like, hey, what's sharking?

SPEAKER_03

Sometimes there's crack in that neighborhood. Yeah. I don't know. So I've seen with my own eyes, but it'd be like that. I I used to this one lady one time was like, she told me she's like, if you're in Long Beach and you're north of the 7th Avenue, 7th Street, 7th Avenue. 7th.

SPEAKER_00

7th Street.

SPEAKER_03

7th Street. If you're north of 7th Street and the street bears fruit, you are not in a good area. Because the streets are orange, cherry.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Magnolia's pretty good, but that's not fruit. Yeah, well, that's bad.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

They got good tacos. I'll give it one Anaheim.

SPEAKER_01

Also, all the good food is in the sketchiest places. Yeah, no, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

Because they cook in there to survive.

SPEAKER_01

Damn, right.

SPEAKER_03

The health department has a D. That's D fruit delicious.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. You can taste the poverty. It's fantastic. It's aspiration. We can't fail.

SPEAKER_03

That's what, or that's all you taste? That's what.

SPEAKER_00

It's the depression that makes it good, right?

SPEAKER_03

It's made with love.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

No, but um that shit's funny. So, okay, so yeah, but do you know what the baseball team's mascot is?

SPEAKER_01

The dirt bag.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Is it really?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, they have their own mascot. I don't know. Yeah, I think it was like the 80s they came up with it or something like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I think it was like the donkey and then it switched to the dirtbag.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That's that's some history for you.

SPEAKER_01

That's a hell of a transition.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I don't know if it went donkey 49er or donkey like dirtbag.

SPEAKER_03

Well, no, so it was baseball is its own mascot. Yeah, no, I know that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I always thought that was so weird. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Weird.

SPEAKER_03

Segregated mascots.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, yeah, the north part of the campus gets one, the south part of the campus, because like all the baseball stuff is like on the south side of the campus. I like that. Oh, that's that's exactly what I'm gonna think of from now on.

SPEAKER_03

Segregated mascots. It's yours, it's my gift, it's um a souvenir.

SPEAKER_00

You get a shark.

SPEAKER_03

It's your souvenir for today. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

So I love it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but that's my story. So if you guys want $150,000, go find Christopher W. Burns and maybe Tony will put a picture of him right here.

SPEAKER_02

That's exactly what she's on the actual.

SPEAKER_01

I could do that.

SPEAKER_03

So, Tony, what do you have for us this week?

SPEAKER_01

Uh, I actually also have an ongoing case. Um, I don't know if you've heard of, and I'm probably gonna fuck this up, Olena Oblomska. No. No. So uh she is a 42-year-old Ukrainian national, also known as Lola Ferrari, which I think is a fucking sweet ass name, by the way. Like it sounds like it could go from like stripper to like businesswoman.

SPEAKER_03

Sounds like it could go from zero to 150.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, she's here all week, guys.

SPEAKER_03

Uh and she went with Ferrari instead of Lamborghini, which I think is a critical move, too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure. She has class.

SPEAKER_03

Well, because Ferrari, you're you know, you're in it. Lamborghini, you might have financed it. We don't know. But Ferrari, you own that shit.

SPEAKER_00

Lola owned that shit. The worst part is like as soon as you said Ferrari, I was like, I would have gone with Lambo. But apparently I just got financing on the brain.

SPEAKER_01

Lola Lambo. Yeah, you know, that does kind of float. That does kind of float. Lola Lambo. I think so.

SPEAKER_03

It's a little too alliterated, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think like 90% of our titles of our episodes are alliterations. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_03

I just mean for a for for a name.

SPEAKER_01

Alright, I guess that's fair. Lola Ferrari is hard though, I think. Yeah, no, definitely.

SPEAKER_03

Because it's Lola and then Lambo, like La La. So Lola. Lola.

SPEAKER_00

La la la. Me, me, me.

SPEAKER_03

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

SPEAKER_01

This is getting out of hand. Yeah. Content. Back on track. Uh, so she was the self-proclaimed goddess of a cryptocurrency platform called Forsage. Okay. I think I'm pronouncing that correctly. Forsage. I have no idea if I pronounced her name correctly. Uh but she was expedited uh last month, actually, in May.

SPEAKER_03

Expedited?

SPEAKER_01

Expedited, extradited. Extradited. Okay. Next day shipy.

SPEAKER_03

Maybe maybe it was expedited extradition. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

It probably was.

SPEAKER_03

Next day, next day.

SPEAKER_00

They just put her ass in a crate and shipped her off.

SPEAKER_03

Like a like a Ferrari.

SPEAKER_00

They just threw her in the trunk and they're like, yeah, we're good.

SPEAKER_01

She was extradited.

SPEAKER_03

She was extra.

SPEAKER_01

From from Thailand. She sure was. From Thailand? Oh. Yeah, from Thailand. Oh, she flopped. She was accused of stealing.

SPEAKER_03

She talked tie real good.

SPEAKER_01

That seems don't you get it?

SPEAKER_03

No? From the movie Meet the Falkers? Jack talk tie. Jack talked tie real good. No? You guys don't know that movie? I've seen it. So so so how many times can we say so here? So so so so. Uh Robert De Niro. Yeah. Right? He is the father. And then Ben Stiller is the son-in-law to be. And Ben Stiller finds out that Robert De Niro's character is like on the phone with a Taiwanese person or whatever. And then uh, or Thailand. Yeah, I don't know. Either way. Thai. Yeah, it was Thailand. Thai speaking and someone not in Taiwan, my apologies. From Thailand. And then uh, so Ben thought he like caught him like doing some like something like nefarious. And he's like, Oh, I know you talk tie, you talk Jack talk ta real good.

SPEAKER_01

And I do remember that part now that you say that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and then and then it's like, oh yeah, he was talking to his friend in Thailand that was gonna get the bride and the groom uh first class tickets to Thailand or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, sorry. I do remember my apologies for this break in the conversation.

SPEAKER_01

I think it adds culture. Yeah, I think it adds a little ADHD to the mixture, and I like it.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, bop it off, Poppy.

SPEAKER_01

That was weird. Uh so she allegedly uh stole over 340 million dollars from like all over the world. So like it wasn't just in Thailand, it was countries all over the world. 340 million dollars. That makes me so sad.

SPEAKER_00

I just need one good scam.

SPEAKER_01

That's what I'm saying, bro. Like 340 million?

SPEAKER_00

You could have seen it. I don't even want the 40. I just want give me 100 mil and I'll stop.

SPEAKER_03

Let me ask let me ask you a question. Does this is this the guy John Lowe? Remember that guy we talked about?

SPEAKER_01

Joe Lowe. Joe Lowe. My hero.

SPEAKER_03

Is is this connected at all?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, because it was isn't wasn't he in Thailand also?

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_03

Uh Philippines?

SPEAKER_01

No. I forget.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, well anyway, sorry. But it it was uh sorry to run your flow with Joe Lowe. Let's go back to the floor.

SPEAKER_01

No, it's really pissing me off that I can't remember that. I can look it up on you. Uh 350 mil. Yeah. 350 mil. Like you could stop at 40, bruh, and just disappear.

SPEAKER_00

No, yeah, you that's that's greedy.

SPEAKER_01

People do that shit for the love of the game, is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00

Like, this is never gonna end.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, dude. Just run at full speed. Malaysia. Malaysia. That's right. I knew it was one of those. Uh so she was extradited from Thailand last month, and she appeared in court on the 11th.

SPEAKER_03

In America?

SPEAKER_01

Uh, can you guess what she's charged with?

SPEAKER_03

Let me ask you this. Was it California or New York?

SPEAKER_01

Portland, Oregon.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01

That's a that's a she's being investigated by the FBI Portland Field Office. Uh the secret source.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry.

SPEAKER_03

It's a progressive crime, if that's what we're trying to say.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely. I would just be like, I went, I was in Thailand to help the people.

SPEAKER_03

It was more of a humanitarian misfortune. I feel like Oregon might be a little like kinder to her than like a New York, even though like I know Well, they're not the only ones investigating the case.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Okay. You got the Portland FBI field office, you got the Secret Service, you've got Homeland Security in New York, and then you have Homeland Security of Bangkok.

SPEAKER_02

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01

All on her.

SPEAKER_00

Dang. Oh, they're gonna bang her cock.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah, they're for sure gonna bang her cock, dude.

SPEAKER_00

How bad you have to mess up for like Homeland Security to look at you.

SPEAKER_01

She's facing up to 20 years.

SPEAKER_03

How much?

SPEAKER_01

20 years.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, 20 years.

SPEAKER_01

20 years in prison.

SPEAKER_03

Uh she better hope it's in America and not in Bangkok, because I'll tell you, I bet Bangkok prison is no they like surf here and then get like shipped over there.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know how I mean I don't know how like if you get charged internationally, I'm not sure how that works.

SPEAKER_03

Completely separate, I would say. I they're not gonna give you uh I I doubt that they'll be like, okay, you know, you have time served. No, I doubt that.

SPEAKER_01

No, the only thing I can think of is let's say you're charged in like London or Britain, what are the Britain, fucking Thailand and America. Yeah. America sentences you to 10 years, Britain sentences you to 15 years, and Thailand sentences you to 15 years. I feel like you're gonna bounce.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

You're gonna do that 10, then you're gonna do that 13, and you're gonna be down for fucking 40 years.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, unless there's a uh uh some kind of a snafu where in America you you get half your time served and they didn't let London know, and then you escape that way, maybe. But I I feel like otherwise they've it's probably all pretty timed pretty well and communicating and you're gonna go.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like I feel like it should be like the order which you serve is like either escalating like worse prison conditions.

SPEAKER_03

Worst to best or best to worst.

SPEAKER_00

Best to worst. Because I think one, I think that's hilarious, but also two like this is as good today, is as as good as this sentence is ever gonna get.

SPEAKER_01

Which which would you prefer? Do you want to do the the good time? I think you gotta do it first or do you want to do the good time last?

SPEAKER_03

No, I I almost feel like I want you to suffer. I feel like doing the worst time first.

SPEAKER_01

Best that's how I would do it.

SPEAKER_03

It would probably cause then it's you're working to getting better. But then again, uh, if you did the best, it's like at least you're getting like a a a baby version of it, so you can get acclimated. You know what I mean? Like, because you know, like it's like getting into a cold body of water, like there's certain people that are gonna just jump right in, and there's other people that are gonna get in, you know, toe, foot, leg, you know, whatever. So um it's probably better to go cannonball because you're gonna get more acclimated that quicker, but I usually go toe, foot, and then I'm like, ah no, that can't do it. Yeah, just dive right in. So probably worst and get to the best. That's probably the way I do it. I think that's the way to do it. What about you?

SPEAKER_00

I I honestly want to go worst possible scenario first. Yeah, but if I was like if I was punishing you, I think best to worst is the funniest way to punish someone. Yeah. So like as a parent, that's why I would go with it.

SPEAKER_01

Uh if you're if you get charged internationally and you get convicted in America, I don't care where else you get convicted, you're doing that time in America first.

SPEAKER_03

I just I just want to point out the fact he's already talking about parental responsibilities. As a parent.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, you d they put you in jail for not paying your taxes or not fucking paying your child support.

SPEAKER_00

I mean they put you in jail for I'll disappear in Dominican Republic.

SPEAKER_03

You're gonna get your wages garnish.

SPEAKER_00

Not if I'm in the Dominican Republic, it's not even American wages. Ooh, you're gonna take my pesos?

SPEAKER_03

No, I'm just saying if you stayed here, you could.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why I'll take that shit.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I will officially change my name and change it.

SPEAKER_03

What do we what do we get a name, Little Bambino?

SPEAKER_00

So I had an X that went.

SPEAKER_01

For a boy or a girl.

SPEAKER_00

Girls scare the hell out of me. We know. Because I'm like, what if what if like the They're scared of you too? Not the nice ones. Um because like part of me is like scared, because one of my friends was like, well, if you have sons and they're just super nerdy and well behaved, I'm like, all right, that's cool. We we fizzled out the bloodline, which was the goal, right? Just bring down the aggression, add in some height, good. But your girls are just like you. I'm like, damn it. We just I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

That's so you're so your your hope is to procreate with someone who's taller than you?

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah. You think you think I follow giraffes like a lost puppy? Because I'm like, yeah, no, I'm just like, help me fix. I look like a small Samoan. I look like I look like a preteen Samoan with like a full beard. I'm like, I'm trying to fix a bloodline.

SPEAKER_03

I'm trying to Yeah, my my cousin, he was so my cousin that's my age, he has a son. Uh, and every time you date a girl, he'd be like, son, she doesn't have an ass. She's not gonna make an athlete. We need to make athletes. And I am convinced.

SPEAKER_01

It's a weird thing to tell your kid.

SPEAKER_03

Well, his son is a pretty good athlete.

SPEAKER_01

How old is his son?

SPEAKER_03

Well, now his son is 25.

SPEAKER_01

Like his son's between like a seven-year-old.

SPEAKER_03

He actually might be covered right. He might be 27 now, actually. Now that I'm thinking about this. Yeah, no, no. When he was like in his 20s, he every time we run up a roll, he'd be like, he was like, she wasn't gonna ask, son. She's not gonna but I will say this I have a theory. A lot of the really good athletes, when you see their mom, the mom has hindquarters, and that I think is yeah. Like, look at the Kelsey brothers. Their mom has an ass.

SPEAKER_00

Like, I don't know who that is. I don't know, but you don't know who the Kelsey brothers are. Oh, the the football.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03

Say what?

SPEAKER_00

I'm just giving myself a note. What is it? Note to self when we re-watch this because we will forget. We need to Google the Kelsey's mom. At it just for research.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, yeah. No, she's she's not for I'll do it right now.

SPEAKER_00

Not for ogling.

SPEAKER_03

She's got she's got a um backside. Yeah, no, we gotta, yeah, yeah. Anyways, so um while you're looking up. Someone's someone's mom's right now. Someone's Taylor Swift's mother-in-law?

SPEAKER_01

Bro, she's the oldest. Taylor Swift is 5'11. That's probably a diaper.

SPEAKER_03

She's 5'11.

SPEAKER_00

If I remember correctly, that's five. She's tall for sure. She's tall.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know why I just Googled it like I was expecting there to be a picture of her fucking donk online.

SPEAKER_00

Like Jesse Ace. We were having a discussion about this like a week or two ago. Okay. He was like, How tall is your tallest sex? And I was like, 6'3. He was like, How'd you like that? I was like, she was kind of short. So I would like I would convince her to wear heels for everything. He was like, You like force her? I was like, I didn't force her. That's rude. I don't force women to do anything. I just gaslight her into it.

SPEAKER_03

So you have a fetish?

SPEAKER_00

I just it's the height. Like a tall girl with glasses that can read good. Oh my god.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I'm sorry. Um, to our 42 subscribers out there, if you know anybody, hit them up at Temi. De la Cruz. Anyways. Um, so what's the what's the solution? Or what's the resolution with your extra expedited, extradited?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. She's the Lola Express. She's locked up and awaiting trial right now.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So TBD.

SPEAKER_01

Yep. TBD. I think she goes to court in July. I think she goes to court on July 14th. Let me ask you this. How tall?

SPEAKER_03

How tall is she?

SPEAKER_01

That's a good question. Asking for a friend. I could change her. She might need a pen pal.

SPEAKER_03

No, you could just you could just have a baby with her.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, and I know.

SPEAKER_01

There's no way she has money now. That's fine.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not chasing the money. I'm chasing the genetics. It's very simple. Yes. And it's not like she's going to like disappear. She's on lockdown.

SPEAKER_03

He knows where she is at all times.

SPEAKER_00

I can trust you.

SPEAKER_03

And with that, thank you so much for watching this episode. And uh hit like and subscribe for us. Make it 43. You know what? Let's make it 50 subscribers.

SPEAKER_00

Go. Peace.

SPEAKER_03

Bye.