No One Gets Hurt
JJ Jorgenson is a lawyer. Tonio is a felon. Together they talk about crimes, scams, schemes, comedy and more!
No One Gets Hurt
Polka Party
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What do you know about polka? Do you know where it originated? Do you know what awards there are for polka music? Did you know that a grammy nominated polka artist created a multimillion dollar Ponzi scheme?
Today we welcome special guest, Jeff King, and we dive into the tale of Polka King Jan Lewan, and his descent from grammy nominated artist to Ponzi scheme operator.
Then we find out the details of how a Florida man got a DUI on a riding lawnmower?!
As usual we give F's! Feloniesl, Funnies and Facts (allegedly!)
We want to hear from YOU! DM us @noonegetshurtpod on Instagram or email us at noonegetshurtpod@gmail.com and ask us anything! Give us feedback on how you think we are doing! Maybe you or someone you know got scammed! Send us the story and we will potentially cover it on an episode! Thank you for joining us!
I used to be in there on ecstasy at like 3 a.m. chewing on a pacifier. I listen about it and no one gets hurt.
SPEAKER_03This is a podcast that focuses on crimes and scams where no one physically is harmed. This is a podcast for information and internet focuses only. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as legal advice.
SPEAKER_01So listen up and no one gets hurt. You already said that. Alright, well, don't forget to like and subscribe, and in the comments, tell us which game you'd like us to cover. So thank you.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back to another episode of No One Gets Hurt Pod. Uh this week we have a first. We have royalty with us. We have a king who hails from the East Coast, Mr. Jeff King. He hails all the way from Baltimore, Maryland, right?
SPEAKER_02Yes. Once upon a time. I've been here for about a year.
SPEAKER_03Only a year?
SPEAKER_02Give or take. Something like that. It means nothing. Did you do comedy in Baltimore?
SPEAKER_01Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02It's a good scene there. I'll be honest. It's like small but mighty. Um there are some great clubs. Uh there's uh the Goobies Joke House. Uh they're expanding. They're just like announced they're starting like a second location, so that's exciting. A place called The Port. And then like here, there's a lot of bar shows, just like breweries, all that good stuff. Yeah. So I got my first five years in in Baltimore and then moved to LA like a year and a half ago. For comedy or uh that and just because I I don't know. It's it's a place to live. Yes, for comedy. We'll just say yeah, for comedy. Keep it simple.
SPEAKER_03Now, I must have seen you right when you started in LA then, because I saw you about a year ago, year and a half ago. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that was when I was making the move. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Um, now you were in the Marines, also, right?
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_03So what do you think was scarier? Boot camp or your first open mic?
SPEAKER_02That's that's a that's a brilliant question, actually. That is a great question. Well phrased because uh boot camp is scary, especially on the east coast, because you have to go to Paris Island, not San Diego, where it's nice. You have to go to the swamps of South Carolina, which is miserable.
SPEAKER_03Oh, hot.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's brutal. And there's like bugs, they eat you alive. The drill instructors, they're all pissed off, they're all getting divorced, they hate their lives, so they're taking it out on you. But my first open mic was in like downtown Baltimore. It was it was this bar called, it's called the Sidebar. It's I believe still there, but I don't think they do comedy. But if you've seen The Wire, it's in numerous seasons. It's like one of the cop bars where like I don't know if you've seen that show, but like when a cop dies on the show, they have their wake at the bar. I don't think they really do this, but like, yeah, that was where I did my first mic. I was like, oh shit, I've seen this place. And then I was talking to bartenders at other places who used to work there, so yeah. Uh nobody got shot my first mic, so that was cool. But I do know people that have been mugged on their way to open mics in Baltimore.
SPEAKER_03I thought you were gonna say mugged in boot camp, so uh no, you just get hazed there.
SPEAKER_01You probably get your ass beat for stealing in boot camp.
SPEAKER_02They can't beat you anymore, apparently. That was news to some of our guys.
SPEAKER_01They're not supposed to. God, that's funny.
SPEAKER_03Uh now, when you were in the Marines, were you also like kind of the comic relief? Because I believe that you have a background in musical theater.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, I was in some high school plays. I played in bands. Um I can see that. Yeah, I I don't play bass anymore. That was my instrument was bass, but I just kind of fell out of it. A lot of failed musicians do stand up. Just a fucking fat dude and fucking I didn't have this hair, ironically. When I was playing, I never had good hair. I feel like my career would have been radically different had I uh Yeah, I feel like it's a requirement to be like a famous bassist. You have to you gotta have interesting hair if you're a good bassist. I was saying, because like I love the chili peppers, flea always had the great like box and all that good shit. Love the chili peppers, yeah. Um Motorhead, that dude had the mustache, Lemmy.
SPEAKER_01Oh dude. So uh did you ever watch WWE WWF growing up? Like here and there. I have ADD, so I watched a little everything.
SPEAKER_03We're back to wrestling talk.
SPEAKER_01We are back to wrestling talk. So Motorhead does uh Triple H's theme song. And they said that so for one of the WrestleManias, they booked them to come perform it live as his walkout theme. They said he showed up five minutes before showtime. He wasn't in the building until five minutes and he was fucking trashed. And he walked out on stage and he was like, We're motorhead and we're gonna kick your ass and then fucking killed the ripped it. Yeah, I mean, that's straight rock star shit. Straight professionalism right there.
SPEAKER_03There's there's a pitcher that was on the Yankees, David Wells.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, perfect game. Well hammered, right?
SPEAKER_03His perfect game, allegedly. He'd been out the night before with SNL crew or something like that, just off his, you know.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, no, it was confirmed. And he said, like, oh yeah, I was hammered, and like his pitching coach said, You better stay away from the manager. If he smells you, he's gonna bench you. Yeah, and then he pitched a perfect game, yeah. And I also heard And then probably went back to drinking immediately.
SPEAKER_01He was probably drinking in the dugout between folks.
SPEAKER_02Well, there was the guy from the uh Pittsburgh Pirates, Doc Ellis in 1970. I think it was a no-hitter. I don't think it was a perfect, but it was still a no-hitter. Yeah, it was a no-hitter, you're right. And like he's you can like see him talk about it. He said that he like saw like the umpire as Richard Nixon and shit. He was like, beam that monster. But like that was when players were all on speed anyway. So it wasn't that crazy. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I guess I think it was my dad told me Tommy John that he was being interviewed, uh, and he had, I want to say, like, some kind of like either it was Peptobismo or castor oil or something, like in his locker room, and they were asking about it. And without a beat, he's like, Oh, it's because I have a case of the runs, because he was giving up so many runs. Yeah, I was like, that's so funny.
SPEAKER_01That's hilarious.
SPEAKER_02Baseball is awesome because like the superstition is a big part of it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_02And like you have your rituals, and pictures are probably the most neurotic ones because the pressure's a little bit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, I think or a really good batter. Yeah, but they're fucking you're gonna hit the plate eight times and adjust their helmet and they're fucking pulling their dude. It's like we know you're on Coke, bro.
SPEAKER_02I was just talking about this with some comics the other day. Like a lot of what we do is kind of like baseball. Like when you're hanging out, when you're doing a podcast, or when you're doing, God forbid, improv. None of us would ever, but still, you're part of a team. But when you're on stage as a stand-up, you're at bat, right? Or you're on the mound. It's like all eyes are on you, and like it's kind of individual at that point. That's what I like about it.
SPEAKER_03I was actually, I think I told you about a bit I'm trying to work on and basically saying that like you have to be a little bit autistic to be a good baseball player. Oh, yeah. Because of the rituals.
SPEAKER_02I think you have to be autistic to be a good baseball fan.
SPEAKER_03I that's part of it too. Because I said it's a guy, it's a group of guys that like trains who came up with a game for guys who like trains.
SPEAKER_02That's awesome. Yes. Well, yeah, steam power was really big in the 19th century. Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, and then also stats. So it's like numbers and you know.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, it's like football, you don't like you don't really have to obsess over stats to be a good football fan. You just have to be like, yo, did you see uh Khalil Mack just nail that motherfucker? Like that's yeah, but like if you're into stats, you can enjoy football, but you don't have to. No, you just have to like look be like, that was a dope play. Yeah, that was a sweet catch.
SPEAKER_01Anybody, even uh not football fan, can look at something and be like, damn, that was a good tackle.
SPEAKER_02I hate when people don't like football and they try to say it's soft because they take breaks between plays. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Like you have no idea. Like, yeah, just like I'm sorry they let their brains sort of reset after a CT inducing hit. But it's like, oh, hockey they play for you know 90 minutes. I'm like, yeah. It's like the contact is there, but it's mostly incidental, it's not built into the play.
SPEAKER_03But also the hockey, the players are getting out like after certain like 60 seconds plays. Like they're getting it out and getting out. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Hockey's and they are on the ice, and there's like knives, but still, like football's the most badass of any professional sport because it's war. It's like it's very militaristic, it's martial. It's not like okay, like figure skating with guns or whatever. Figure skating with guns might get interesting. I always thought hockey sticks looked like guns. I don't know. I think everything looks like a gun.
SPEAKER_03Well, I mean, I will say, like, the blades are pretty freaking scary though. Oh, sure. I I had a friend that played hockey, like a college friend that played hockey growing up. He had a nasty scar on his hand because his glove fell off as he was going forward and someone skated over his hand.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, spikes are pretty badass, like cleats. Yeah, you ever get cleated or something like that? Yeah, I got my hand stepped on.
SPEAKER_01We were doing fucking trench drills one day. You play football? Yeah, when I was in high school, and I fucking I got my ass handed to me by like a 300-pound fucking lineman. And then yes, and then somebody else just fucking the play was called dead, and my hand got stepped on.
SPEAKER_02What was your position?
SPEAKER_01Uh, I did nose guard, I did a little bit of linebacker, but I wasn't too terribly fast.
SPEAKER_02Defense.
SPEAKER_01Uh well, I also played right tackle. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So you're on the line.
SPEAKER_01Yes, sir. Damn. Yeah, because like that's the trenches. Yeah, I was a big fella. I was this size in high school.
SPEAKER_02I had a grind since like any position where it's just referred to as the trend, your position is to be a trench. Yes. That's nuts. Yes. I never played my brother, played linebacker and fullback, so he's he's normal now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but yeah, he was rocking people, and he was playing in the early 2000s, but it was you're on the banger on both sides. You're a banger as a linebacker, and you're a fucking banger as a fullback.
SPEAKER_02Your job is to clear space out for a running back. So, and running backs are nuts too. So, yeah, yeah. He played against some, I forget who, but like some people that wound up in the NFL later. Oh, hell yeah. I forget who, but still, like that's that's nuts playing against people that will go professional. He didn't go like that, but he played for four years, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I played rugby because I'm a hipster.
SPEAKER_03I can see that it was fun.
SPEAKER_01I like that. Rugby's I would I would have to venture to say rugby's more badass than football.
SPEAKER_02Honestly, it's in some ways because you're like running around more, but the hits aren't as bad because if you tackle above the waist, you're getting like you're getting yellow carded or flagged or something. Damn, really? Yeah, they're pretty like the re the tackling form is pretty important because you're not wearing pads. So you have to lead with your shoulder into someone's thigh. And if you tackle high, it's it's it is a penalty. So it your your brain's protected, but like everything below that's getting destroyed.
SPEAKER_03Do you wear helmets in running?
SPEAKER_02No, no, you don't wear any padding. They don't wear anything, but you don't you don't go full speed on any of these hits, it's more just bring someone down as opposed to like. I've seen some pretty vicious compilations.
SPEAKER_01There are some the girls specifically. Yeah, oh dude. Dude, the girls go so hard. Yeah, they're yeah, I I I I know. I would love to see a female football league. They have one. Do they? Yeah. I'm gonna have to check that out.
SPEAKER_03My my friend's daughter is was playing in uh powder puff in high school. Like that's a new sport for girls in high school. Yeah, powder puff.
SPEAKER_01What the hell is that?
SPEAKER_03It's girls football.
SPEAKER_02That's what they call it?
SPEAKER_03I think that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_02I think it's been around for a long time.
SPEAKER_03Well, they've played it for a long time. Like I know in the 80s, back when I was a child. Um don't look at me like that.
SPEAKER_01You're in law school in the 80s. Let's be real.
SPEAKER_03Uh my my brothers, when they were in high school in the 80s, they there was definitely girls that played powder puff. And then uh that was just like like a one-off that wasn't like a season. It was kind of like a juniors versus the seniors kind of a thing. And then uh yeah, my friend's daughter, I think she's a junior in high school now, and I want to say she was playing. I don't know if she's still playing, but she played her freshman year in Powder Puff.
SPEAKER_01No, is this like widely known knowledge? Because I'm feeling a little misogynistic right now.
SPEAKER_03Uh no, I mean, I don't I don't have kids in high school. I don't have kids, so I don't follow like what's happening on the ground.
SPEAKER_02We had it when I was in high school. You had kids when you were in high school? Yeah, totally. They'd be like 30 now. I'd be like 27 now or something. That'd be fucked up. That's what's disturbing about doing comedy in your like 40s. You're like some people like in their 60s, they look at you like you're a kid, but the ones in their 20s look at you like you're a grandfather. Yeah, it's a good place to be.
SPEAKER_01That weird in-between phase.
SPEAKER_02I like it. I just I was born to be a 40-year-old man, so this is like this is my true form here.
SPEAKER_03Well, it's also interesting because being out of context, like you don't know these people from work, you don't know what their life stories are, and then they get on stage and then they tell you that they're like, you know, 60, and you're like, oh shoot, I thought this person was 40, or you someone gets on stage and you're like, I thought they were 40 and they're 20, and that's that's where it gets kind of yeah interesting too.
SPEAKER_02Oh, absolutely. Here you can kind of tell, but it's LA. Every I have no idea how old anybody is. Yeah, yeah, they're all vampires. Yeah, I know. I love it. Which is weird because you come to the most sun-baked part of the oh god, bro.
SPEAKER_01Like, what we I guess there's a good enough nightlife where they don't have to come out.
SPEAKER_03That's why they're vampires. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I wonder what I wonder what they did after Walmart stopped being 24 hours, though, because like where are you gonna grocery shop?
SPEAKER_02There's a 24-hour Vaughns. There's a few. Is there? Yeah, in Burbank we have one, and there's some in LA. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I think you're still thinking of the South. The South closes early.
SPEAKER_02That's true.
SPEAKER_01We had yes, sir. We had fucking 24-hour Walmarts. I used to be in there on ecstasy at like 3 a.m. chewing on a pacifier. If you think about it, it's one of the most colorful places. It doesn't matter that Walmart? Yeah, it doesn't matter that it's just products. Yeah. Fucking high on ecstasy. I don't care what it is, it's so colorful. So we're walking through there chewing on pacifiers and glow sticks and shit, just rolling face at like 3 a.m. It's Walmart. The workers don't give a fuck. We're not bothering nobody.
SPEAKER_03And the regular Walmart, the people of Walmart look way crazier. So absolutely.
SPEAKER_02And most of them are probably on Oxy.
SPEAKER_01So there you go. It's mostly fucking like people that are my age now that are grocery shopping overnight because they don't want to fucking do it in the morning. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I like grocery shopping at night when nobody's there.
SPEAKER_01Or Wanco. I I forgot Wenco's open 24 hours. I'll go there at fucking two o'clock. Well, I live in IE. Oh, yeah. I live in uh over there, and then there's one um I think it's considered Pomona, because Pomona's fucking huge. Right. But it's like right off the 71, so I don't really consider it. I don't know what I can maybe walnut. Uh but it's like maybe 15 minutes from the house.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, IE is weird and scary to me. I went through there to get to San Diego, like on uh damn. Yeah, it was I was doing FT Heat show in like Spring Valley, so it's like kind of northern San Diego County.
SPEAKER_03It is weird how like Temecula uh because I went to my cousin's wedding and I think it was Temecula, and it kind of took us through San Diego to get there. So it there's many ways to get it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, if there's traffic, it'll route you around. But yeah, no, uh, what the f was that one of those like weird mountain towns in uh in um Riverside County. I don't know, but it was nightmarish.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay. Big bear?
SPEAKER_02No, I didn't go that far east. It was somewhere just south, because I I live in Burbank, so I'm kind of inland already.
SPEAKER_03Well, speaking of traveling, so when you were in Maryland, did you get to Pennsylvania very often?
SPEAKER_02All the time. Yeah. Yeah, because I lived like 20 minutes north of Baltimore, so I would take 83 up to I did a lot of shows in um in Harrisburg and Hanover and like Lancaster.
SPEAKER_03Perfect, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so I I know uh Central PA real well. I went to I would go to concerts in like Hershey. I saw Willie Nelson and then Van Morrison there. That was pretty cool.
SPEAKER_03Did you ever go to a concert where the music was polka?
SPEAKER_01Polka. Polka?
SPEAKER_03Polka.
SPEAKER_01Polka. Polka.
SPEAKER_03Polka.
SPEAKER_01Polka.
SPEAKER_03Polka.
SPEAKER_01Polka. Polka. Polka polka.
SPEAKER_00That's so stupid.
SPEAKER_02No, as I am not from Wisconsin. That's crazy, because you look like you love polka. These aren't polka dots. They're like, I don't know, they're like diamonds. But I guess it's the whole vibe, yeah. That's cool. Somebody thought I was from Ohio recently, and I was like a little insulted. Like, man, I am from Baltimore, even though it sucks too.
SPEAKER_03Well, you used to have a couple Ohio State jokes, I feel like.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, well, my wife's my ex-wife is from uh Akron and went to Ohio State, so I've been kind of indoctrinated.
SPEAKER_03Are you now Michigan?
SPEAKER_02I hate Michigan. So disregard the color I'm wearing, but fuck them.
SPEAKER_03Well, anyways, back to Polka.
SPEAKER_02Polka? Polka? This is a Polka cast. Yeah. I prefer Umpa, actually.
SPEAKER_03Well, um German, not Polish. Well, it's interesting. I actually thought Polka was German.
SPEAKER_02And now it's more Eastern European, isn't it?
SPEAKER_03It's it's actually Bohemian Czechoslovakian. So that's where it starts from.
SPEAKER_02No, it is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's my actually my UMPA is German. Yes. And then like whatever accordion bullshit, that's in France. What's the difference? Uh like the instruments or probably not that much of a difference. But if you ask them. Yeah, Czech beer is a little bit better, I guess. I mean, German beer is awesome. Czech beer is like even better than that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well it's like the original Budweiser. I got sued.
SPEAKER_03True, true. Well, I yeah, I polka music. It's funny because there is the I I wasn't that invested in Polka. I'm not gonna lie. I only know it from home alone.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Sheboygan. Now you've jumped yourself down a rabbit hole, didn't you?
SPEAKER_03I went down a rabbit hole.
SPEAKER_01You are a rabbit hole digging motherfuckers. She will go down a rabbit hole with a fucking oil drill.
SPEAKER_03But you know what? I feel like if I'm gonna talk about polka, I just I just need something a little bit just one minute here. I need to I need to feel the vibes of polka. You know what I mean? Like what is this midsummer?
SPEAKER_01No, polka, they they're yeah, you know, I was just watching it. Doesn't that look like the midsummer thing?
SPEAKER_03You know what would make it better?
SPEAKER_01I'd be so disappointed if you don't pull out polka dots.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_01I am so disappointed.
SPEAKER_03Do you want to feel polka?
SPEAKER_01I'm down. Oh sweet.
SPEAKER_03If you want. Only if you want. It's okay. You don't have to. You don't need to.
SPEAKER_01Stop the madness.
SPEAKER_02Sweet.
SPEAKER_01Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_02Wait, how the hell is this word? At least.
SPEAKER_03Well, I I didn't know what you just kind of rusted on your head.
SPEAKER_02Oh man, you already got your your thumbnail. This is gonna be great.
SPEAKER_01That's funny.
SPEAKER_03You just rested on the top of your head. You don't have like I mean that's that's like that. I like that view. I I just have it resting. That's perfect. Either way, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I have no idea how this looks. I mean, I know it looks radiant and brilliant, but besides that.
SPEAKER_01Y'all look like the Manson girls.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you could just you can just put it like there you go. Perfect, perfect.
SPEAKER_02That's funny. My my shrink's in Chatsworth, so every time I go there, I'm like, should I just join the cult?
SPEAKER_01Should I just take me to the ranch?
SPEAKER_02Spawn ranch. They got rid of it, but you can find it.
SPEAKER_01Did they?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's kind of how they do it in LA. If there's like some famous murder, they get rid of the building, but yeah, it's like they got rid of the OJ building or something. And I'm pretty sure they demolished the mansion houses and took them off the end. It's not tight enough.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, yeah. Well, as you're fixing that, so considering that you're from the East Coast and that you are a king, I thought, why not cover the Polka King?
SPEAKER_02The Polka King. All right.
SPEAKER_03Jan Levon. And it's actually there's actually a movie on Netflix. I like your interpretation.
SPEAKER_02I like that it's under the hat.
SPEAKER_03I thought it would go over the bill, but you know, Tony.
SPEAKER_01No one disrespect SpongeBob like that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Say that one more time.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01They can guess.
SPEAKER_03So Jan is this guy from Poland who actually comes to America and becomes a super into pol uh polka music. And he becomes basically the self-described polka king. He's doing polka events all over the place. Now, what do you think it would be one of the highest honors to get in Polka? Like a as a Polka album performer.
SPEAKER_01I feel like a Grammy, probably, no? Yeah. The golden kilbasa.
SPEAKER_02I feel like that was a little racially charged, but okay. You're allowed to make fun of them if they're white. Facts. I'm pretty sure I'm like Polish somewhere. I don't know. No, probably not. We're like Is that why it's called Polka?
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, I was kind of wondering.
SPEAKER_03No, I don't I don't think so. There's another reason for I did that. Yes. So I'm actually uh my my dad's grandma was track, uh Bohemian track. So I feel like I can make fun. It feels like this is appropriate.
SPEAKER_02But I feel like if you're not bohemian, but you're like some other Eastern if you're like Moravian, you really have to make fun of them because there's like all kinds of ethnic beef between these people that are basically the same ethnicity.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, my mom's Croatian, so I've I've got oh they fucking hate each other I'm uh I'm solid eastern blocks so you guys really don't like the Bosnians?
SPEAKER_02Is that the Welcome back to Racism Talk?
SPEAKER_03We actually had Stonko on last week, and we had a do you know Stonko?
SPEAKER_02No.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you should know him. He's a very funny comic. Um he's Croatian. And so I said of the Yugoslavian region, he got real mad. And he was like, he's like, my grandma would be so mad because yeah, but yeah, they they all hate each other at one point. Right, yeah. Serbians, yeah, Serbians are white.
SPEAKER_02Serbians are Christian, Bosnians are Muslim. I believe that's correct.
SPEAKER_03And then I my uh my grandpa allegedly is Catholic. I don't know. I I I secretly think he's Jewish, but that's just my own.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I've I've thought that about some people. Probably shouldn't dime him out anymore if he's a new says. I'm Jewish, I fucking hate everybody.
SPEAKER_03Um yeah, so he was actually nominated for a Grammy. Jan Lavon for Polka. The interesting thing though is Polka Grammys actually went bye-bye in about, I think it was like uh 2004 or something like that. They they said there's not enough to uh sustain the category of Polka, so they got rid of it. Um but anyways, so Jan in Pennsylvania, he is so good at Polka, everybody loves him, but he's not making a lot of money. So he's trying to figure out like other ways to make money. So he starts a uh like a a little gift shop, a little Polish gift shop in a little strip mall, and he's doing okay. He sells things like Polish imports, amber, and also organizes uh European trips.
SPEAKER_02Amber by 311. Yeah, great Polka band.
SPEAKER_03No, like the jewels, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But uh so all of a sudden some of the fans were like, well, you know, we want to invest in your business. And he's like, Okay, yeah, let's do it. What percentage of an return on investment would raise a red flag for you? Like if someone told you I'm gonna promise that I'm gonna be able to return this annual return on investment to you, what would be like sounds illegal?
SPEAKER_02Probably like anything over 60%.
SPEAKER_03Oh, whoa.
SPEAKER_01That's a pretty high number, I feel like. Yeah, it's but I guess it also depends on the business and the merchandise, or the product that's being sold service.
SPEAKER_02If it's something that you're connected to, I would expect a kind of high return on investment if you're out there like like if it's something you're selling, right? I don't know. I don't know how business works, man.
SPEAKER_03Um I think anything over I think anything over six or seven percent seems like a little bit of a six or seven? Yes. Oh, I don't know about it. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I know what that means. You do absolutely, it's a psyop. It's to make us remember how great the Beatles were. Oh 1967, you know, Sergeant Pepper. Oh Brian Epstein. It's all it's all connected, it's all related.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I like it. That's I didn't have that. That makes a lot actually that makes a lot of sense.
SPEAKER_01So I have a hot take on the matter. The Beatles suck. Oh, you're wrong. You're so wrong. I will die on that hill. Good.
SPEAKER_02I will kill you on that hill. You're the fool on the hill who's dead. Good fucking you're gonna, it's a lonely, lonely death. No one's gonna hold your hand.
SPEAKER_01I'm alright with that.
SPEAKER_02Beatles are fantastic. I mean, uh, okay, there are there's other great bands too, but no, they were great.
SPEAKER_03Would you would you beat him up eight days a week?
SPEAKER_02For that, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. From me to you.
SPEAKER_03Just all the Beatles songs.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's just one day in the life. Why what is your reasoning for this?
SPEAKER_03Would you drop wait, wait, you wouldn't die on that hill. You'll you'll die on that strawberry field forever. Come on. That was that was okay. That was alright.
SPEAKER_02That was okay. It was a good one.
SPEAKER_01What what's your problem with the Beatles? It's the fucking same fucking white people garbage that they made for like 40 years from the fucking. They only were around for 10 years. And it's no, they did the 70s. I said the 50s. What's wrong with that? It's fucking trucking.
SPEAKER_03Well, actually, it was the 50s. It was the 60s. Well, the late, I think it was the late 50s. I guess the 60s.
SPEAKER_02They didn't start real. They I mean, I guess Paul McCartney and John Lennon met in like the late 50s, but they didn't start that band until 1962.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and Ed Sullivan's show was the 60s. My mom remembers Virginia.
SPEAKER_02Really did a number on you, man. You've been you've been indoctrinated, but you I guess.
SPEAKER_01Baltimore is basically a suburb of Virginia. Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_02It's a suburb of many other places. It's actually a suburb of the whole. It's like it's where all the people from the East Coast got together to get hammered. And that's where the accent comes from. Because you have a little southern, you have a little Midwestern, you have like some British in there. Yeah, it's like it was at one point like a really happening spot, like in the early 19th century. Well, things are happening there still. Yeah, they have like check they have police checkpoints in like Fells Point now. But anyway, back to Polka. I'm not even entertaining this bullshit idea. You just said it's not worth my time. The Beatles suck.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so he was offering promissory notes of 12 to 20% annually for investments. And one of the things that he was like, everybody just liked him, right? So they they trusted him. But it was basically a Polish Polka Ponzi scheme, the three P's. Uh, because he was taking money from new investors to pay off uh the old investors, right? Just a typical Ponzi scheme. But he he also did things like he organized a trip to Europe and he promised that the people would see the Pope. It was John Paul II who was Polish and he somehow made it happen. So he was one of these types of people that like would make a promise and would somehow it would work out so people really trusted him because they're like, Oh, he told us we're gonna see the Pope and we got to see the Pope, the Pope. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Like those are kind of people like enough of like it was enough of it was a scam, but he like made it seem legitimate enough that people would really invest. Right.
SPEAKER_03He was one of those people where it was like he like willed it to happen and it happened, you know, and then people trusted him because he said this is what's gonna happen. He also got embroiled in a little bit of a uh little bit of a uh another scam, side tangent scam. His wife at the time wanted to be Mrs. Maryland, or sorry, Mrs. Pennsylvania, and uh she ends up uh becoming Mrs. Pennsylvania, and then they figured out that like one of the judges had been, or whoever tallied the votes allegedly like got paid off by Jan. And so she ends up becoming Mrs. Pennsylvania.
SPEAKER_02Fixing a beauty contest in Pennsylvania, the queen of the coal mines. Fucking Pennsylvania. They would, they would. They are such a grimy Commonwealth, they make Virginia, no offense, look like civilized. It's like you forget which one actually was Confederate when you go there. None taken. Virginia's a shithole. I'm from Virginia. I love that song.
SPEAKER_00Clips.
SPEAKER_02Doesn't that make you want to just sling crack and shoot people?
SPEAKER_01I do, I do love that. Is it in your blood?
SPEAKER_02Is it just like in your blood to like running?
SPEAKER_01Well, I didn't go to prison for selling Bibles, you know. You could, I'm sure people do. That will be next week's episode.
SPEAKER_02That's true, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I feel like that's a Florida man story. Florida man goes to prison for selling Bibles.
SPEAKER_03Or South Carolina.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I think anywhere in the South, there's gonna be like some Bible scam. I mean, there's a lot of televangelism. Yeah, why not?
SPEAKER_03Actually, we actually covered one when Cass was on the show. The they were there was a guy who was scamming uh the parishioners of his church in order to prosecute.
SPEAKER_02I mean, that's like that's that's a great tradition in the church is corruption. Just like baseball, one of the best traditions in baseball is corruption and like cheating. Like, if you're not cheating, you ain't trying.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I like that.
SPEAKER_03That's true. That's true.
SPEAKER_01There's a a a preacher whose name is Creslo Dollar. Oh, like, bro, you know this guy is like he's like almost above board with it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's like you know what he's about. Hiding in plain sight kind of thing. Yeah, he's like, I'm scamming you and you know it, and you love it, yeah, and you fucking love it.
SPEAKER_03Sounds like an LMFAO song. I'm scamming and you know it.
SPEAKER_02They were a scam.
SPEAKER_03Were they even a real band? Well, you know that it's like Barry Gordy's son or something. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, I think it's Barry Gordy's Barry Gordy's son, and I think his like nephew or something like that. Red Fu.
SPEAKER_02How did I not know that? That's amazing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Don't quote me on that, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02Now imagine them doing a polka.
SPEAKER_03You know what? It could, it could actually revitalize.
SPEAKER_01I'd love to see your impression of that. Does Weird Al know about what's going on here?
SPEAKER_03You know what's so funny is I was actually telling somebody that I was gonna do the Polka King uh fraud scam, whatever, and they're like, oh, Weird Al? And I was like, no, he is not.
SPEAKER_02I would actually be pretty bummed out if Weird Al like got involved in crime because like that's of any celebrity, that's the one that I expect to be pure. If he's like, that's it. Like, if if we find out he's a scumbag, it's over. But he's not, he's not. There's no fucking way.
SPEAKER_03No, no.
SPEAKER_02He's a pure soul. He's like him and Ian Makai of Fugazi, the only rock stars that are getting into heaven. But I don't know.
SPEAKER_01There's this kid, uh Youngblood. I don't know if you've heard of him. I know, yeah, I've never heard his music, it's okay, but I've seen a bunch of the like clips of how he treats his fans, dude, and like he might be the second coach.
SPEAKER_03He calls people up on stage and like has them play guitar.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, he seems pretty cool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's like so fucking humble and just super nice to everybody he meets, bro. It's insane.
SPEAKER_02I feel like he's probably got skeletons in the closet. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, don't we all? I guess. I don't know. We're comics, we just we just let him out to dance.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I guess that's true.
SPEAKER_03So eventually the wife, I believe, gets her title taken away from her, so she's not Mrs. Pennsylvania anymore. But, anyways, that you know, that's a side tangent. Uh, but he so Jan and his son are in this polka band. They have like a little bus, they go around and do their thing, and they actually got into a uh car accident. The um the driver might have been sleeping, the son gets um injured pretty decently. Two band members die. It's just like no one gets hurt. I know, but that's not the crime. So we're just yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_02It's a pretty loose, loose interpretation. It's very loose.
SPEAKER_03That's not the crime. So no one got hurt from a crime, but yeah. Um, but while he was doing this light Ponzi scheme, the uh Pennsylvania securities regulators came in and told him, Hey, are you are you making these promissory notes? And he's like, What? I don't know. It's basically like a a you know, um government entity that investigates uh crimes and investigate like tips, like you know, like a like a state regulatory system. Okay. So not I've never heard of it before. Well, neither had I. Um, so they were like, Hey, are you are you doing this? Are you making promises? Oh yeah, but I didn't know, like I just thought I was helping people out. They're like, No, you need to stop. He's like, Oh, okay, I'll stop. So he stops under that entity's name. He creates another entity and keeps it going. So eventually um he ends up having over 400 investors. This has involved over 20 states, and apparently it kits to about a five million dollar Ponzi scheme. Yeah. He gets uh he gets uh sentenced to federal prison for five years, 11 months, and he actually had a second case in New Jersey, but those two cases ran concurrently. So he he didn't have to do separate time in Jersey, but he was in a prison in Delaware. Now I don't understand what kind of prison he was in because it sounds like he wasn't in like a club fed situation, you know. It sounds like he was in like gen pop with just everybody.
SPEAKER_01And well, he didn't have federal charges, did he? Yeah, no, he was federally charged. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, federally sentenced for five years and 11 months. Yeah. But I'm saying he didn't go to like it doesn't sound to me, I didn't get probably like one of those camps or something. No, I that's what I would think that he would go to, but what from what I could tell, that's not what he went to. Um, because his cellmate ends up stabbing him in the neck. Yeah, and he goes to the hospital and um he recovers, but some of his uh victims were like, Yeah, he got what he deserved, you know, whatever.
SPEAKER_02But um he that in that people take their money seriously in this country, man.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes, for sure. The attacker got another 15 years for that stabbing, by the way. But anyway, so so Jan gets released in 2009 and he actually continues on with his polka situation and he ends up um rapping, doing some rap polka. Yeah, and uh that that is Jan Levon, he gets a story. Uh he actually has a Netflix movie about him, and Jack Black plays him in the movie. So it's it's actually really funny. I watched it last week, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01Polka rap sounds interesting.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean it's you know, he's also like 70, you know, it's kind of more like po polco talk than polka rap. But it all rhymes and but the crazy thing is like he came to America because he like wanted the American dream and he still like is all in on America, even though he went to jail, everything he's all in part of it, it's part of the dream, you know.
SPEAKER_02Sometimes you get caught, you just keep going. Yeah, yeah. If you're not cheating, you're not trying. Theme of the show back to baseball.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's our that's our thumbnail. And if you're not cheating, you're not trying.
SPEAKER_02Scamming, you don't want to win.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So that's my story. You said you have a crime for us.
SPEAKER_02Nothing that interesting. I I don't have any crimes. I just uh I got busted for weed paraphernalia back when that was still a thing. When was this? Like in 04, yeah.
SPEAKER_03In Maryland?
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm. Is weed legal there now? Yeah, no, but it wasn't back. This was 22 years ago because I'm old, but like, yeah, it's not as interesting as a polka scam. I just didn't realize you could get arrested for a pipe, but I knew some probability. It's not that interesting. I feel like I'm talking to you, you're like, I didn't fucking time, man.
SPEAKER_03Was this after the Marines?
SPEAKER_02No, this is before. Oh this was like when I was in college. Okay, it wasn't really that interesting. It was just they really need it was uh one of those places where they're like, Well, we gotta make quotas. So how did you get caught?
SPEAKER_03Like, how'd they find?
SPEAKER_02They just were like they were, I think they were like watching this guy's house because he was selling weed. And so a friend of mine and I, we pulled away and then they pulled us over. They're like, How much do you have? Like a gram. You're wasting your time, but have fun. I just had to do like probation and some community service. Not that interesting. I didn't do federal time or get stabbed in the neck, to pick up trash for like a few weeks.
SPEAKER_03We we had a guest, our first guest, uh Joseph Carter, and he was talking about how he got in trouble, and he's like, I did I did a four hard, and then Tony's like, You did four years? Like, no, I did four hard days.
SPEAKER_01He's so funny. I haven't even calculated how many days I did. 365 times six. You did six years, yes, sir, plus 21 days.
SPEAKER_02Damn, yeah. I guess every every hour you're counting that shit. Yes, sir. I'm glad you're out and semi-reformed, I guess. Uh semi. Yeah, good enough. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. Just don't steal jokes. Honestly, if you're a comedian, you can steal anything but comedy material. Yeah, yeah. Like good comics steal from books, movies, philosophy. Yeah, it's just like nobody knows that because comics don't read that much. So it's like, yeah, you're ripping off like Nietzsche, but like nobody will tell. It's when you don't steal from another comedian.
SPEAKER_03Well, last night I did a show at Floppers, and there was a comedian there that I had been on a show with before, but I didn't catch her name. And she had this super funny bit. I was telling Tony about it earlier about uh Disney adults. And so when I saw her last night, I'm like, oh my gosh, wait, do you have a bit about Disney adults? And she's like, Yeah, I'm like, I knew I knew you. And I'm like, I have been telling, I go, no, no, just so you know, I'm not telling your joke. And she's like, no, like that's and I'm like, no, no, no. I'm like, but I've been telling people about this joke because I'm like, there's this girl that does this Disney adult joke. It's so funny. And so she thought that was really I think she thought that was really cool that I said that, but I was like, I wanted to make sure she knew, like, I'm not oh yeah telling a joke. Yeah, yeah. But it's I'm re- I'm telling people how funny your joke is, not while I'm on stage, like in a seated situation, you know. So right.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, it's like anything else, as long as you acknowledge your source, it's not actually plagiarism. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so Tonyo, what do you got for us this week?
SPEAKER_01Uh just a quick little funny. I uh we'll be the judge of that. Uh well, surprise, surprise, we're going to Florida. Uh, so this guy named Burke got a DUI on the highway on a fucking lawnmower. Like straight water boy type shit. You've seen the movie The Water Boy where he's riding home in the lawnmower. That motherfucker got a DUI on a lawnmower on the freeway. That's impressive. That's very impressive. Facts, dude. When they asked him what he was doing, they asked him where he came from, he was like, My house. And they were like, Well, where are you going? He said, My house.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, he's just taking his mower out for a spin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, on the 55 mile an hour. But the blades weren't on.
SPEAKER_02Maybe he was like doing a little like work along the side, trying to help out. And these cops are just fucking with a public servant with a probation.
SPEAKER_03He was preemptively doing community service.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, he had had his license revoked four times already. Four DUIs? Uh no, I think he had two DUIs already. So like he was actually facing a little bit of time. I don't know what the I think it's like a year for a I guess it depends on where you're at. They're in Florida.
SPEAKER_02So you just can't keep a good Florida man down. You sure can't, dude. He's gonna find a way.
SPEAKER_03What region of Florida was it? Do you know?
SPEAKER_02Uh no, I don't know, but I can look it up.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's okay.
SPEAKER_02That does make a difference. Like if it's Gulf Coast, it's just or with panhandle, it's just gonna be ridiculous. In the meantime, if it's South Florida, then I'm absolutely impressed.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_01Uh, would you prefer apple cinnamon or maple brown sugar?
SPEAKER_03Maple brown. Okay, so what is it?
SPEAKER_01What are these? These are a prison delicacy. Oh, nice. I call them dad's balls. Dad's balls? And like apples what is it? All weekend I've been telling people to try my balls, but I didn't want to do you like that. So I was just like, here, try these. I'll tell you what it is. There's no balls, man. There's no drugs in it. Too bad. I was hoping it would be.
SPEAKER_03It was fucking delicious, huh? How's that peanut butter y taste to it?
SPEAKER_01So it's peanut butter.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Toasted dry ramen noodles.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01So like you take a pack of ramen, crush it up, and then we use the microwave in prison, but I'm a little uh not a caveman anymore, so I used a fucking hex clad pan.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_01It had to flex a little uh and you toast it, it turns like a oranges color. Uh-huh. And that's why it's so crunchy. Instead of like chewing into a fucking raw noodle, it's way more crunchy. And then uh, so you do a pack of ramen. Uh it's like a I don't have it down to a science for the peanut butter, but it's like round about a half a cup.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01And then uh oatmeal. Oh, that's where the that's where the flavor comes from. And then you you stir it all up and you just mix it around like this, and the the little balls form themselves, and then you just sprinkle some sugar on it, and that's what sets them in place, and it also gives it that sweetness.
SPEAKER_03Wow. And you how do you this is all from the commissaries that you would get this? Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yep. You could get uh ramen was like so. In the county jail, dude, ramen was like a dollar twelve a pack for one pack brown.
SPEAKER_02Aren't they supposed to be like ten cents a pack?
SPEAKER_01No. Like in like in a store? When I got I think shit, I think they're almost fifty cents a pack now. Like in an actual store.
SPEAKER_02I mean, like 20 years ago when I was buying ramen, it was like you could get I don't know, it was like a 10 pack for like two bucks or something. Yeah, it was something like that. It was like it was like 10 to 20 cents a pack. I was in jail about 16 years ago, so yeah, yeah. So prices were and I know everything's inflated and like prison can rip you off.
SPEAKER_01It was in the state prison, it was 29 cents a pack. A lot better than a dollar twelve, but still way too expensive at the time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, my college roommate just had stacks of Costco ramen.
SPEAKER_02I would stir-fry ramen. That shit was good. Like you'd like boil it up, put the but like don't put the packet in until you're like stir-frying it with soy sauce and then like some egg or something. Oh, fancy. That's genius. Try a little uh dill pickle and some mayonnaise. Nice. That's with ramen? Yes. One of my favorite IG channels is this guy in South Korea who uh makes hangover ramen for like all his videos. It's so satisfying to watch because it's like he like wakes up all fucked up looking. Like his eyes are just like, uh then he's like, I drank too much again. Plays Oops, I did again by Britney Spears, a little snippet of it. And then he like makes these fire dishes, like he takes the pack as his base, but then adds like meat, kimchi, like onions, all that good stuff. I know, and then he like it's very satisfying watching him slurp the noodles, no, you know, pause. I'm not a huge fan. You're not a huge fan of the actual noodles.
SPEAKER_01Uh I'm not a huge fan of fucking listening to people eating.
SPEAKER_02I don't know. I kind of like the way usually I'm not, but because he has like a rhythm to it and a flow, it's good.
SPEAKER_01You gotta watch it, man. This motherfucker's doing R and B noodles. It's mukbangs of fucking Jodice of mukbang.
SPEAKER_03I I lived in uh Little Italy, San Diego, for a year, a couple years ago. And we lived right next to a place, I think it was called um the underbelly, and it was a ramen joint. Oh my god. It was like, and we lived literally right across the street from us and we could smell ramen. I mean that's awesome. It was so good. We I mean we tried to limit going there only you know once a week. Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_01I love ramen. I love noodles in general. Yeah, it's it's gods.
SPEAKER_03My only issue is I'm not like a big like I only like hard-boiled eggs, I don't like like a random like yolks of the floor.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I love the random egg, dude. The egg is good. Yeah, great. I always get the same, like I have a ramen place I go to in North Hollywood a lot, but I I don't know, maybe it's like I want to try different flavors, but it's like, but they got the spicy miso. I know it's gonna be good.
SPEAKER_03You know what you know, and you know what you like.
SPEAKER_02You gotta try them. Oh man. I know there's some good ones. There, I don't know. I feel like with ramen, I I want it to be spicy. Yeah, absolutely. It's gotta be spicy. Usually, like too salty is fine, but it's like, yeah, but where's the kick? You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, there's uh if you go to like an authentic place, you're gonna get salt and MSG. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. I mean I it's salty as fuck, too. It's like salty me. Miso is kind of salty, but then they have whatever spice is on top of it.
SPEAKER_03Miso salty. I don't think we can say that anymore.
SPEAKER_02I don't think we're allowed to say that anymore.
SPEAKER_03I am because I am salty, so um, yeah. Anyways. Yeah, we all are.
SPEAKER_01You and Salt have the same complexion.
SPEAKER_03That's nice. So nice. Um, anyways. So you have any shows coming up?
SPEAKER_02I do. I have a show with the golden nugget in Simi Valley August 25th. And I will be at State Social on Sunset Boulevard September 28th.
SPEAKER_03Rad. That's awesome. Very good.
SPEAKER_02And I'm sure I'll wind up somewhere between now and then. That's how it is in this. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. What about what about you, Tony? You got anything coming up?
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah, Roast Busters on the 28th. Ooh. And then uh my I was supposed to do excuse me, uh Dennis Vargas on the 27th. That got pushed back to I think the 17th of September.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Uh either way, I'm looking forward to it, of course.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, I've done Roastbusters one time before. That was pretty fun.
SPEAKER_03Did you know who you were roasting?
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah. Uh a guy, I think I think it's pronounced Tashi.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Don't quote me on that. I actually he was at Noble last night. Oh. So we got to meet in person.
SPEAKER_03That's good.
SPEAKER_01Uh, so that was pretty cool.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, he's on the same vibe I am. Like, let's just put on a show. Yeah. You know, I got some pretty good. I'll show you some of them after we get off the camera.
SPEAKER_03But that's how we met. We we did a roast together. Oh, there you go. It was a random situation.
SPEAKER_01Who won?
SPEAKER_03Atonio.
SPEAKER_01Come on. Yeah, I know. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_03I had a couple good ones. I'm not gonna lie. That was my first time ever doing it. I'd never done it before. And he was my second person because I beat the first person and got to Tonio.
SPEAKER_01She beat the shit out of the first, but I don't remember who it was, but she beat the shit out of it. Was it it was another female, right? No, it was a guy. It was a guy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you yeah, she beat the shit out of the I was actually like trying to, I thought I wasn't sure if he might have something a little off, so I was like trying not to be mean, you know, and then he likes to roast. I know, but like I don't want to.
SPEAKER_01You know how it is. When you have you done roast battles before, sure. So you remember your first one?
SPEAKER_02It was vicious. I yeah, I like just ripped some people apart. I like yeah, I won four battles in a row at this place. That's not yeah. I said some heinous shit, I'm proud of it, but like some people got in their feelings.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02What was I supposed to do?
SPEAKER_01It's a roast, bro.
SPEAKER_02Like, and like I know what people are gonna say to me, so I have I'm I know, oh, you're gonna make a leg joke, cool. Yeah, I have better. Tell me one that's better than something I could write, but like the thing is, like, I'm a huge hater, so I'll just like find something about you that you know. I try not to make it too obvious, but like something like I pick up on someone's vibe, I'm like, oh yeah, this guy seems insecure. I can fuck with him. Yeah, oh absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Well, so the guy I I said he said something kind of I don't a hundred percent remember, but he said something kind of mean that didn't make sense, and so I was just like, Oh, that's what we're gonna do. So then I said something pretty awful, and he couldn't recover at that point.
SPEAKER_02He was like, Oh yeah, yeah, like I have some people that have challenged me. This one guy, he's funny, he's laugh-aplegic, he's in a power chair, he's like, Wouldn't it be funny if me and you roast each other? I'm like, You goddamn right, it's gonna be Oh, that's comedy gold or no. We have to get we have to figure out when we want to. You haven't done it yet, not yet. I'm looking forward to that, dude. We'll uh we'll make sure to get that. And this other dude challenged me, and I'm gonna light his ass up. Hell yeah. I'm not gonna say who, but he's he's done. Yes. Because it's like, oh yeah, I I know what I'll say to this guy. Like, yeah. Usually, especially if it's a comic I know, it's like, well, I can go after their lack of talent. Hey, bro, straight up, you suck. Why are you doing this? You're bad. You should go do something else with your life. Oh, right, you can't do that either. You should go do polka music. That's an insult to the genre, to the noble genre of polka.
SPEAKER_01You should pull scams, yeah. Fucking create a Ponzi scheme, bitch. Stop doing comedy.
SPEAKER_03Very cool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's funny.
SPEAKER_03Awesome. Well, um, yeah. So last night I did a show with Jamie Acevedo at Floppers. It was so fun. Great group, great, great room. Awesome. Yeah, and then I think I have a Dennis Fargus. I'm not 100% on the date coming up, and then um, I'm gonna, I think I'm doing George Wayne Jr.'s birthday party, so that's pretty freaking cool. Oh, yeah, that's awesome. I love that guy. Yeah, he's really good. So I was stoked that he asked me. Hopefully, still on the list. But, anyways, well, thank you so much for making the drive down here. And um, you know, thanks for playing along with the polka.
SPEAKER_02That's fun. I didn't know we were getting props. I didn't either. That was exciting.
SPEAKER_03It's actually a souvenir if you want. I made them. I can keep this. You did? Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm wearing this all the way home. Yeah, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02Me just driving up the five in my uh better believe it. In my midsummer crown. Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_01And my fucking sage green 2007 Ford Escape. Looking like a fucking May Queen in Orange County.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they'd be like, when you born.
SPEAKER_03Well, thanks for joining us again. Make sure you like and subscribe. You know, this is actually our sixth month. We've been doing this for six months, and we had a goal of hitting 75. We're only at 69 subscribers. So if you could help us get our goal six to 75, please. That's right. It doesn't cost you anything. You just have to click that button. That's all you gotta do.
SPEAKER_01So otherwise, I'm a beat OS. We've been over this.
SPEAKER_03Yes, thank you so much. See you next time.
SPEAKER_02Peace.