Episode 8 - From Overwhelm to Burnout: Stress at Work Unpacked

🧠 Ever felt the Sunday night dread creeping in, your chest tightening at the sight of your inbox, or snapping at home after holding it together all day at work?

In this episode of Life’s Bumps and Bruises, Joel shares his own experience of sliding from everyday pressure into full-blown burnout — and how stress in the workplace doesn’t just stay at the office, it follows you everywhere. Luke Lee Tet brings his counsellor’s lens, unpacking why so many of us are feeling the squeeze, and how to know when “normal work pressure” has tipped into something dangerous.

From the hidden signs we miss, to the myths about HR, andpractical ways to reset your nervous system before it’s too late, this is a raw and practical conversation about what stress really costs us — and how to take back control.

🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into:

• Understanding the difference between healthy pressure and harmful stress
• Spotting the early signs of burnout before spiral
• Tools to manage stress in the moment (and before it hits)
• Honest chats about work, identity, and why your job isn't your whole story

💬 Got thoughts or want to share your own story?

We’d love to hear from you. Reach out anytime:

📬lifesbumpsbruises@gmail.com

📲 Instagram: @lifesbumpsandbruises

📘 Facebook: Life’s Bumps and Bruises

🎧 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s normalise the conversation, one real chat at a time.

Credits:

The Inspiration by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon

Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Life's full of bumps, bruises, and emotional potholes. I'm Joel Sheldon, just a bloke who's battled anxiety and depression. Joined by Luke the Tech, the Counselor, the Couch, and the Captain My Chaos. Each week we talk real life, anxiety, overwhelm, family stuff, and those mornings when getting out of bed feels like a win. Plus level up in life. This is Plus Bumps and Bruises. We glad you here. This is a weight issue. How are you doing, old man?

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Always pick on the fat kid. Always, you know, fat kid's got feelings too, but I know. Come on, man.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

I know. It's uh should we tell the listeners they won't know this, but we're actually doing this for the second time because we've had audio issues again.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah. Oh well, it is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

It is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

And the other thing which we're not sound engineers, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

No, we're not. The other thing which I think is worth mentioning is uh I had a rough few days last week, and that would have absolutely come out in the episode because I was flat as attack. I had a little bump, which is the uh the title of the show, Bumps and Bruises, but I bounce back in a couple of days. That's good. Yep, always good. That's good. So just a bit of actually, first off, uh I want to put this at the top of the show. Our email address is lifebumpsbruisers at gmail.com. Our Instagram is at Life's Bumps and Bruises and Facebook under the same name. Um, we'd like to keep the conversation rolling. We've had some good messages actually over the past few weeks. We have absolutely it's been not overwhelming, but it's been cool to see what the impact has been out in the community and people starting to have conversations.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Yeah, well, the insights that are coming through from other people, like uh you made me think this, and or or there was one episode where we discussed um checking in with different people as it comes up for you. Uh, and and that has been very beneficial for some people too, which is fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Yeah, it's been awesome. So if you did want us to cover a topic or you did have a question, this is not just about us. It's a fact not about us at all. It's a it's a community sort of podcast where we can keep conversations and bring up topics that people think of out there, um, and we can we can touch on it so we don't have to keep coming up with our own ideas. That'd be great. Uh, we'll do a little bit of a recap on last week. Last week was episode seven. Go back and listen to that if you haven't already heard it. Uh, I told a story of losing my brother to bowel cancer at 26 and how that loss shaped my battles with anxiety, depression, and burnout. Uh, and yeah, we talked about uh one last game of mini-golf my brother to saying goodbye in the ICU and watching the hearse drive away, which triggers me. And Luke, you offered insights on how grief impacts identity, passions, relationships, and reminding listeners that emotions like anger and guilt are not only valid but necessary to express. I actually had a conversation, as you know, my mum's a listener, we've mentioned that. Yep. I was with my mum yesterday, and she said, I just wanted to tell you a story of why uh Kyle is in the bedroom. Um, in the obviously his ashes are in the bedroom. I told you that I was patching a hole and I had to move him onto the bed, which I thought was weird. Um, and I hadn't heard this from my mum, so this was really nice. She said, The reason that we didn't want to have him in a funeral is because he would be all alone and we wanted him with us at home. And then mum told me as well, which again I didn't know, but I probably should have been aware of this. But she talks to Kyle regularly as well and kisses him goodnight and does sort of not odd things, but things that are you know only a mother can do, I guess. So um that was nice to hear her perspective on that.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yeah, absolutely. Well, there's a lot of grief in that, right? I mean, yeah, the separation, you know, she gave birth to him. Um, yeah, it's it's very deep. So that's really nice that she does that.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Yeah, I mean, I obviously I lost my brother, but I can't imagine losing someone that you've raised for 26 years. That's um it's a different kind of grief that unless you've been through that, which That's super deep. Well, I think that is the hardest thing that you could ever go through in your entire life. I can't imagine there is anything more pivotal than losing a a son or daughter. Uh I've got some stories for you. Of course you do. Give me that attitude. Yeah, it wouldn't be Joel's life without a story, man.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

It's sort of come in as a uh as Can you believe these things are almost happening daily?

SPEAKER_02 4:31

Yeah, it's sort of come come in as a segment zero. It wasn't meant to be a segment, but it is. So I'll give you there's there's a few here. Um I don't think I'll take that long, but I'll give you the first one. I got woken up by a cucumber the other day. What?

SPEAKER_00 4:48

What hang on.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

Yeah. Where's this going?

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Yeah, so this is not I get that we've we've we've ticked the box with explicit, but it's not that kind of explicit.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

Well, no, this is not a euphemism like the eggplant emoji. This is an actual cucumber. I my daughter was hungry and she'd woken up before us and decided to sort herself some breakfast, and she decided that a cucumber was the thing she was going to have at 6.58 in the morning. And she came-Please tell me she slapped you in the face with it. She did slap me in the face of it. So she's she's come into the bedroom not being able to peel the plastic on this cucumber, and rather than gently wake me up and say, Dad, can I have some cucumber? She's just kind of poked it in my face a few times. Um, which is pretty surreal. Like at 39 years old, when used to getting woken up by alarm clocks and now a crying baby, being woken up by a cucumber slapped across my face was a different kind of uh yeah, it's a different kind of awakening. So that was pretty interesting. And uh just while we're on that, I'll tell another story of my daughter. We were walking out the front door and I had a packet of chips, and she turned to me and she said, Can I have a chip? And I said, Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just a dad. I don't know. She she turned to me and she said, Well, you're an adult, make a decision. Yeah, well, there you go. Yeah, a five-year-old. You get around it. Yeah, exactly. Should be parenting you soon. I reckon. So there's those two. And then I'm disgusted to say this, but I've had another car wash incident. No, no, come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Buddy, oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Well, so I avoided the automatic car wash where you just sit in your car, which I got caught with the uh the shade cloth closed with the sunroof open. Uh, but this time I've gone into the manual wash and I'm giving it a bit of a squirt and the uh and Harley, my daughter's back windscreen was down by about two centimetres, and as I'm squirting, I'm going, oh you are joking. So two car wash incidents in uh in about three weeks. I might give car washing away. To be fair, can't jolly. Like when you check. Well, no, I'm normal. You're normal. Well, I just assume the windows are up, and I assume the sun ropes are. I know for me, man.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

I walk in whenever I was going to a car wash, I check them all always, just in case because you never know.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

Well, I'm gonna be on high alert for that now. And then, so that's that one, but that was okay. And then obviously we had the dishwasher incident which came up after the IKEA incident. Fucking microwave's blown up.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

What is it? What what what is going on?

SPEAKER_02 7:22

So the it started arcing on the inside. There was a I've got a smeg integrated microwave, and on the inside it's a bit rusty. I don't know why or how this has happened, it's probably happened over time, and the thing started sparking and arcing, and and I went, oh no. And we've got this trim kit and it's integrated, and so yeah, that got thrown out, and then I had to obviously it didn't fit with the old trim kit, so I had to buy something that sort of was a bit smaller, and went a trip down to Bunnings and bought some um like 19 mil self-adheasy foam to create a bit of a shadow line, but I think I got that sorted. Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Are you at that point in your home where everything's just starting, it's gotten to that age where everything's starting to break down?

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Well, yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Because we renovated our home the sort of the day after we got it, and it's been about seven years, and I thought, fuck this commun, you know, um cumulative. No, no, I was trying to think of the word. Um, but the this society that we live in where you know things are designed to break at a certain period so they can have repeat customers because the worst thing you can do from a business point of view is buy something that lasts forever. Yeah, and iPhones are great at that, as you would know. You buy an iPhone and it's the best thing ever, and they've got something that they can pull some leaves on in the background. At about the four-year mark, things just start going a bit slower and things start. So um, I think, yeah, I think dishwashers and microwaves are built the same way, they're not built like they used to, as they say, which is which is factually true. They are designed to have a shelf life of whatever. But if my fridge starts beeping in the next few days, I'm gonna lose my shit. And then probably the most serious one I want to talk to you about is there was a um there was a an evacuation at daycare, which was a bit random because I called my daughter's daycare and left a message and they didn't get back to me within about an hour, which is totally feasible. And I was swinging in to pick up some groceries, so I thought I'll just drop in because it's right there. And as I drop in and I go in and I see um the head of the centre, and we're talking at the front desk and we're swapping stories about actually about our new daughter, which I'll get into. Thank you. Um and next thing this alarm starts going off evacuate, evacuate, evacuate. And I look at her and I go, Is this a drill? And she goes white as a ghost. And she looks at me, she goes, This is not a drill. Wow. And she said, she says, You need to come with me. And I go, Oh no, okay, fair enough. So she starts semi-panicking as best she can. She's moving, and we're waking up kids that you know have just gone down for naps, and there's newborn or close enough to newborn babies, and this kids with ADHD and autism, and and they're sort of shuffling all of these kids into the uh into the evacuation area, and there's kids without shoes and socks. So, you know, I'm there as well, and and I'm sort of rounding kids up and helping out as best I can. And next thing we know, we're walking across the car park at top of the shopping centre, and you know, there's glass on the grounds, and it's it's a bit chaotic, and where these teachers were visibly shaken up, and I didn't know what we were looking for. You know, I was on high alert looking for knife-wielding terrorists, um, because naturally you go into this state of geez, what needs to happen here and what's going on, and you're looking out for things, and these kids were in bare feet, and there's these two kids definitely, and they were about, I don't know, four years old, and I've got one on each bicep, and my biceps are starting to burning, but I just thought to settle the uh situation. I started playing a sort of a joke with them about well, you kids tell me where I need to go, and you start pointing and they're going, go that way, go that way. And so I'd turn the wrong direction and they'd start laughing. So um, but the teachers were pretty shaken up. Um, and yeah, I went went back, right? Yeah, understandably. I went back inside the daycare and I'm looking for any kids that are left behind, thinking I'm you know being Bruce Willis in diehart, expecting if anything was going to blow up or what was going on and grabbing blankets from my car. But the teachers were pretty shaken. But this is what I wanted to mention to you, Luke. As we were doing this, there's some surrounding businesses. There's an NDIS property, there's a lawyer firm, there's um an optometrist, um, and there's people just standing around in suits smoking darts, watching a daycare get evacuated. Not one person decided to come over and say, Are you guys okay?

SPEAKER_00 11:47

But isn't that the isn't that our society right now? I mean, it's not my job, right? That's the way everybody approaches it. They'd give me shit. You remember the um back in the day there used to be this um community approach that was called uh neighborhood watch. There used to be little stickers that used to be stuck on to the front of the house on a window or something, and if you saw that and you're in distress or in trouble, you go knock on that door and that person would help out. I mean, obviously, you know, given the current climate and fear and um situations with you know abuse and what have you, I get why it's probably not as uh pushed as it was before, but um at least there was a community of support, right? Now it's nothing, man. Like what you're saying there, that would piss me off.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

Yeah, I know how I'd handle that, bro. How would you handle that?

SPEAKER_00 12:39

I'd be like, yo, get your shit over here and help out, man. Yeah. Right? And I don't care what happens after that. It's like, no, come over here. You can punch on later, but come over here and help out. Look at what's going on around you. Yeah, and I don't necessarily need you to actually do anything, but just be there to ensure that the kids stay in one place, right? Because that'd be crazy.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Well, I don't know if people are just afraid of doing something wrong, and then you know, like in America, just getting sued as they seem to throw around. Like, but fuck help out, or at least ask. It's not like they're a whole bunch of adults, they were kids, man. They were kids, and they were scared. Yeah, there was a kid there with autism and ADHD, and and the kids are shoved in shopping trolleys. Some of them are in shopping trolleys.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yeah, well that's all they had, that's all they could do.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

That's all they had, right? Um, and so yeah, as I said, we had blankets. That would have highlighted a whole lot of stuff. Exactly. That conversation already happened. And I and I actually spoke to my wife and I said, Do we need to put together a care package for them? Like yeah, like you go to Bunnings and get one of those beach shopping trolleys and fill it up with towels and biscuits and blankets and non-perishable items and stuff. But I've got to store it too. Yeah, but I spoke to the head of the centre and she said, Look, I'm glad that uh by the way, there was nothing wrong. Um it was a a f a genuine false alarm, which I'll I'll come back to in a second, but she just said, Yeah, it probably showed up a couple of holes. And I said, You need something that when this happens, you can just grab this thing and go. Um it's a play pen or something. Yeah, exactly. Well, they did have they had like a shop, uh, what do you call it, like a pram with like an eight-seater pram, but it's like 40 kids there. So kids are playing on the car park and cars are driving in and out. But the um not so funny thing was the evacuation point was about 400 metres away from the daycare entry. And as we'd got everyone into this spot, which was near the off-ramp, which is a concrete off ramp, which obviously means it's not going to blow up or fall down. You could just walk down should you need to. Um, the fire brigade moved into the gym that was 30 metres away. Oh sitting here going, have we just moved 40 kids 30 metres away from a potential fire or you know, gas leak or something?

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

Um, so that was um that was interesting. But the really nice thing was when I left, they uh all the kids gave me a round of applause and a pat on the back. And it's um yeah, I remember asking myself when I sort of I sort of take this philosophy of a little bit in cricket, and this is not a fluff piece, this is genuinely something that helps me in a fight or flight sort of response, which this sort of was, but it was you know, who do I need to be in this moment and what does this moment require of me right now? Um, and as I said, the teachers were visibly shaken up. I'm like, okay, well, I need to be a calming influence, and I need to make sure these kids feel safe. And if I'm cracking jokes and making them feel um safe and like it's okay, that's probably going to help. And um, yeah, as I said, there was you know, that these teachers are somewhere between 25 and 40, and they just want to be teachers, they're not primed to be evacuation specialists and to deal with 40 kids without socks on a cold pavement. Um, so um, yeah, a couple of them had to give a bit of a hug and they were a bit upset, but I sort of helped out as best I could, which which I would hope anyone would do in that moment, which really pissed me off about those surrounding um businesses. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're not really in it together, are they? I guess not. All right, should we get into unpack that? You d you've got news first, don't you? I d I sorry, I do have news first. Uh my wife Tamika gave birth to a healthy baby girl on the 26th of August. Nice, beautiful. Congratulations, man.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Yes, congratulations to Tamika too.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Yeah, she's a warrior. Um Yeah, we uh we had some trouble in between our first and our second, and and it was a fairly long journey that was pretty stressful for us, um, which I will talk about at another time. But we were um we were on high alert that things couldn't possibly go wrong, and every step of the way we're a bit cautious, and um, but yeah, uh our daughter came out and and she wasn't when she came out, our daughter's name is Alexa, Alexa Kyle Sheldon, which I'll I'll touch on in a moment with that name. But when she came out, she wasn't crying, and I naturally you know you're on high alert, and they just gave her a few little taps and away she went. But um, yeah, things are going well. So she's settled in well at home. Um she's eating, she's growing, and and I think I think we've got a healthy kid at the moment, so um that's awesome. And the name Alexa Kyle, if you heard last week's episode, the name of the surgeon that saves my saved my brother's life, his name was uh Dr. Alex Aldist. Um so we have honored him in our daughter, calling her her Alexa, and obviously the middle name is my brother's name, which is Kyle. So um a bit of a bit of a tribute there, and and we like the name as well. So um, yeah, really exciting news for us. Beautiful. Congratulations. Thank you, man. Uh all right, let's get into unpack that. This is where I pose a story or a scenario and a topic. This is the bulk of our episode. So this week, Luke, we are going to be talking about workplace stress. Uh, and yeah, it's something that keeps coming up in conversations with friends and families and strangers online. Workplace stress, everyone I seem to talk about, they seem to feel burnt out or stressed. I've got a bit of a bit of a story about this. I've dealt with this a little bit. I was in a career for seven years and hardly felt any particular stress, and then moved into mortgage broking where I felt stressed all of the time. And then one day I walked into an office and I knew that things were building up a fair bit, and then I was asked to do a pretty simple task, something that I've done a thousand times, and I didn't know how to do it, and I was forgetting the question, and I remember just breaking down in the moment in the office. I I just said, I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. And I left and was told to take care of myself, and I thought maybe I'd need three days, and um turned out that this was this was actually full clinically diagnosed burnout. So I let stress get to a point where I couldn't manage it, and then my body said, uh-uh, you ain't listening. So um I want to unpack a little bit today about workplace stress and maybe how we can better handle it, what maybe the early triggers are, um, whether it's you know checking emails first thing in the morning and already feeling your chest tighten, or whether it's eating lunch at your desk or skipping it, or you know, snapping at home um after you've been holding it together all day at work, and then probably the other one is I don't know, the Sunday night dread before the Monday morning. So uh Luke, what can you tell us about workplace stress?

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Before we get into any questions. Before we get into any questions, before we get into any questions, yeah. What do you got? What do you got, pro? This is a very, very sensitive topic for a lot of people, man. Uh and the challenging part of it all is will you be open to hearing the information because it might not match your situation. And everybody's stress and approach to their work is individualized. So what we give you here is an overview. Uh however, understand it could be a very controversial topic for some people.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Working stress.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Why controversial?

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Because uh they could hate what we are about to say.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Because uh yeah. Yeah. See, we live sort of in a in a I don't know, community, I guess, right now, where responsibility is low, right? And we blame externally because it's easier, right? It's easier to do that. I mean I think an episode or two ago we talked about um relationships and how we're responsible for half of the relationship, 50%. 50% uh and and stress and those types of things are uh very similar, very similar to relationships. We have relationships to different things, uh work is one of them. All right, and uh please understand that what we will discuss today might trigger you because you might actually go, Luke, you're a fuckwit, you don't know what you're talking about. But I can guarantee you that if you are able to reflect on it, you might see different parts where you're involved, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

Well, let's see. Okay, I'm sure it'll make sense once you explain it.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Yeah, okay. Well, I'll try my best. You seem nervous about this one, are you okay? Yeah, because I don't want to couple to shit after, all right? Okay, um, because I'll tell you what, it could happen. Yeah, it could happen. Uh, and I know that it could happen because I've worked with it enough.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

Okay. Uh do you deal without breaking products? Do you deal with people that deal with workplace stress? Is it a something that pops up uh regularly in your practice?

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Yeah, so if it's uh it's varying levels, right? So you could have a kid, a young person who's going to school that has school place stress. You've got uh I've worked with teachers that have had, you know, workplace stress, I've worked with a whole different types of professionals with the same thing. So it doesn't really matter uh even even uh athletes, they can still have workplace stress.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Yeah, right. So if it's a profession or in general?

SPEAKER_00 21:30

If it's no in general, really, because it really what it comes down to is three different factors the environment, yeah, the role, and me in the environment and the role.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

So workplace stress could just be stress in general, I guess, based on what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

I like to look at it like uh an athlete, right? So when an athlete uh has a consistent um uh slump in their game, right? Generally you'll find a similar slump. In their life.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

And then it gets played out on the sporting field, right? And then when we look at workplace stress, it can be very similar. But the the it might not be something in your life, it might be something in you. And then you go into the workplace and you see it play out in the workplace.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

Uh that makes that actually makes a lot of sense. Because conversely, when you're in a really good mood in a really good place, it normally relates to good performance on the sporting field.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yeah, in theory, right? In theory.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Yeah, so uh so first up we have to look at the environment. Is the environment right for you? Right? Uh in terms of environment, I'm talking culture. So remember that our our uh our work family is a surrogate family, it's like a second family. When we look at the amount of time we spend with them, it's it's probably higher than what we would spend with our family, our chosen family, right? So that makes it even harder. So, how am I connecting there? Does this family match me and do I match it? And it at the start, it might have been that everything was really great and we connected really well, and everything moves in the right direction, but then over time things deteriorate because we we have so many systems in place that keep us like robots and we forget about the human part of the things, and so then we don't hold anything, it's a bit like a couple, right? So you might be married for 20-30 years this weekend. Uh I think I'm coming up to my 16th, my 16th wedding anniversary on Saturday.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Oh, congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Yeah. No, thanks, man. I'm playing around. Uh she's a good egg. Anyway, um uh so you know, in that time, there'll be you you work out there are things that you can say and there are things that you can't. And when it comes to personal stuff, we necessarily don't always share that stuff with other people when they've overstepped a boundary. So uh we keep it to ourselves and then we hold on to it, and we tack on that to a whole bunch of different other things that this person has stepped over because we haven't communicated our needs, and then things break down. So, does the environment match you now, right? And that's an important factor. The next one is the role. Does the role match who you are now? Can you handle the stress and all that sort of stuff? So if we're looking at your storage role, we would say, okay, well, you went from a role that worked for you, then you went into a different role that extended you, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

So how did it extend you?

SPEAKER_02 24:38

Uh large learning gap and lots of learning at the time that you're also having to hit targets and whatever else. So there was the pressures from the business to make money, but there was also a huge learning curve as you're trying to make money. So there were times where I was doing my diploma after hours in mortgage broking and finance while still trying to hit targets. It was a double-edged sword, so you couldn't switch off, you know. Like it's not something that I could you talk about the flow state that people talk about where you're in your creativity and it's easy and things come. It was like I was constantly having to learn on the job whilst meet targets, and that that wore me down.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

Yeah, so you entered into a role that didn't suit you, but you tried to stick it out, right? And so that is inevitably gonna cause stress. It's going to, and your body's gonna store it, and then once your body stores it, then it'll come out in your relationships, it'll come out with um in anxiety, depressive states, all that sort of stuff, burnout, whatever it is that you experience. So um we've got to work out whether the role is right for you now because you may not match it anymore, and it may not match you. Um and the last one is uh me in the role and me in the environment. Do I match this now? Am I the right person for this place now? Right, and hardly ever does that really get looked at. We always look at external, we blame external factors for different things, but we never really look at our role in it, and that's a big chunk, massive chunk of things. Is this place right for me anymore? And am I right for it? Right, and if we were looking at that, we would say, okay, well, do I need to move on? And a lot of people that I've spoken to they don't want to move on, they don't think like they're ready to move on, they don't feel like that they're they're still grasping at straws of what it was like before, not what it is now. And that's the hard part, is like, okay, well, um how did I contribute to this? Um when I left one of a a workplace there where things weren't quite going the way I wanted it to, the my boss at the time, he's like, Are you sure you're ready to leave? And I'm like, Well, yeah, what do you mean? But it's it's this isn't the right place for me anymore. And he goes, Well, maybe you should stay for a little bit longer. I'm like, I don't know if I can, man. And he's like, Well, if you don't, you have you have an issue where you could move on to a different role and repeat the same mistakes because you haven't managed your stuff yet. And he goes, and I get that there were a lot of things happening externally inside the environment that were causing some of this stuff, but uh what was your role in it? And I I found that very useful. I left anyway because an opportunity came up, but um uh and to a large degree he was right, he was right. So um, and there's one thing that I I've noticed a lot for a lot of people is they don't take time between roles. So like I leave one place and I go to the next.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

And I reckon that time is about two weeks.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Do you think two weeks is not enough?

SPEAKER_00 28:08

I reckon two weeks is enough for most people. Yeah, but you need to take two weeks. Yeah, a week to two weeks minimum.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

That's a beautiful it's actually a really nice time that two weeks in between finishing one and starting another to gather your breath. It makes you that's a cool time. Yeah, it is, especially because normally your annual leave gets paid out, so it's not like you're foregoing coin.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Yeah, but some people don't. A lot of people don't, and they never wash off the old environment to start new, carry it into the next one. Yeah, so if you get old and crusty and you're you you know you're um you're like I I don't I hated that place, and you'll you'll take that same energy to the next one, the next role. Um, so that's an important factor to understand too. If you are replacing and you're moving from one place to another, if it's possible, feasible financially, take the time. Take the time to wash off the old environment. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

Before you get into the different sort of um areas and what our responsibilities are in workplace stress, I just did a little bit of research literally two minutes ago on some stats and workplace stress in Australia. What do you think the percentage of the Australian walk Australian workforce struggling with stress and burnout is according to the data online? If I had to guess, yeah. I would say somewhere between 60 and 80%. Yeah, you're spot on. 81% of the Australian workforce is struggling with stress and burnout. Uh 67% are quiet quitting. Have you heard of that term?

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Yeah, I have.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Yeah, and only 20% are thriving. So that means 80% are not thriving, whatever that constitutes. Um, but yeah, isn't that interesting? So 60 per 61% of Australian workers report experiencing burnout. Uh, these statistics highly um impact the significant impact on workplace stress in the Australian workforce and the need for effective strategies for to address and mitigate these challenges. That's a big number. Like, that's a big number.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

It is because the people are working because they don't want to.

unknown 30:02

Right?

SPEAKER_00 30:03

They're working in roles they don't want to work in. That's the honest truth. That's a lot of Australians that feel stark. Yep. Yep. So here's here's one thing that I will tell you. So in uh Chinese medicine and kinesiology, they talk about um the different organs and what they mean in terms of life, right? And the liver and gallbladder are really responsible for stuckness. And I can tell you now stuckness, is that a word? Yeah, well, check it out, man. Um, so if um and and and because uh because things aren't moving the way they should, they they get stagnant, right? So when uh when we do muscle testing and you I'm telling you, I can tell you with certainty in the time that I've been doing this, every single person who has experienced workplace stress, right, has shown up liver, gallbladder, okay, channels every single time, right? And uh, or if they're in a relationship, and remember relationships and workplaces are very similar, right? Uh, and relationships in the if they're in a relationship that they don't know how to get out of, or they um things have gotten stagnant in the relationship and there's no excitement or anything like that, um, you that liver, gallbladder come up every single time.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

What when you say come up, what what does that look like? Can you explain that to the listeners?

SPEAKER_00 31:24

Yeah, so they're there it works off uh acupuncture, acupressure, right? Right, acupressure points. So there's things called alarm points, and we use muscle testing or muscle monitoring is probably the correct term, uh, to uh find the channel that we need to work on. And we use the alarm points to find them. So the alarm points for gallbladder and liver sit on your ribs, just inside the um in between the rib spaces, um and actually might as a bit tender now. Um and so when you hold them and you you you touch them and then you muscle test, the muscle will either lock or unlock. If we get an unlock, then we know that this is the channel we need to work on.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:13

That's basically that is basically it. Yeah, there's a lot more to it, but that's basically it.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

Okay, so like well, I mean, where to from here? Like, what else can you tell us? Like, how do how do we handle it? How do we identify it? What are the different subsections, if you will?

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Like, I would say let's look at the support inside the business structure first.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

Well, are you talking EAP and things like what do you do?

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Yeah, so you you might really you would start with HR.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

HR.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

That's a topic. Yeah. It is and it isn't. Yeah. I think most people have a miss, they misunderstand the role of HR.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

I haven't had a huge great respect for HR from my personal run-ins. Uh I just think that they're there to protect the business first and foremost and to make sure they don't get sued, basically, and they masquerade that as looking after their people, has been my experience with big HR of big corporations. You know, that's that's my take on it. Okay. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

That's interesting. Yes. I've seen that look before. Yeah, man. Uh, okay, so I'm not gonna say that all HR people are good because they're not, not all HR business partners are great. Well, not all people are good, no, how and they're not all good at their jobs. Yeah, what I will say is this that um you're partially right and partially wrong in that perception. Yep, that HR, there are so many different offshoots inside HR. They do so much. Recruitment, they do policies, they do um, they create procedures for for different things, um, work safe stuff. They've got to follow IR stuff, they've got to follow industrial relations. Okay, they've got to follow um uh what's it called? Uh oh, what's it called? Work safe. Uh no, not work safe.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Um yeah, work safe.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Yeah, I already said work safe. Okay. There's another one. Um fair work.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Fair work.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

They've got to follow fair work rules and laws. Um, and there's a whole bunch of different things that they do. Inside that, that's that's really their role is to make sure that all those policies and procedures have uh are followed. And you think about all the arseholes that have gone and broken rules, right? There is a policy for that one person that now everybody has to follow.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Yeah, well they what I think Jim Jeffries, the comedian, said that you know, society only work works as fast as the slowest person. Like, you're right. One fucking, you know, I fuck one ghost and I'm known as a ghost fucker. Basically, but you're right, like something happens. In fact, I was watching a documentary the other day on um the Taiwanole murders that happened in America. Do you remember that? Where somebody had got into a bot they haven't worked out who or if it was the company, but basically Taiwanol is effectively like panadol in Australia. But somebody had got into those bottles and put in cyanide that had killed seven people.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

But then because of that, what do they have now? Tampa proof bottles.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

So yeah, but you don't know what the problem is until somebody fucks it, and then you've got to rebuild the system, which is a real, which is I mean, we now accept that as normal. You know, you shouldn't be able to go into a pharmacy, get bottles off, and put whatever you want in there because that'll be pretty easy to get away with. But you know, they they get away with that with tamper-proof stuff. So that's what you're sort of talking about. Yes, but not all like in that case, yes, that's a good that was a a good highlighted system breakdown that okay, we've we see this is the problem, and now we fix that based on one person doing that.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

But there is a whole lot of different procedures and policies that are in that don't allow for full expression of the human. The policies and procedures are that keep getting added, I think keep pushing humans to be more robotic.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

Uh we touched on the yeah, allowing people to be more human in previous episodes.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

Yeah, man, I think that that that that's a killer for me. Taking out the human element, yeah, they are, and and so then the passions and the connections all get thrown out. Authenticity, authenticity for sure. Um and and that in itself can cause a whole heap of stress. So for me, the first point of call, HR.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Go to HR, understand what you're going to HR for, right? If you're going there to vent, you need to say, can I vent here? Right? Then you vent. You vomit up everything that's going on. Understand that they are not equipped to be able to solve that problem. The vomit. The that they're not there as counselors, they're there to make sure policies and procedures are followed. So um you might vomit like you would to a friend, but then understand that there's a limit and a limitation to what that they can do. Uh they're just not equipped, they're not trained that way. Uh, and then you would need to then ask them what uh what is available for me here now. Okay, and then they'll go through what is available and I'll give you a list of things that you can work with, right? That the business can offer you. Remember, businesses are there to make money. If they don't make money, you don't have a job. So um they're not there to make you feel happy all the time.

SPEAKER_02 37:16

Yeah, they're there to get you more productive so that ultimately their bottom line can be better. Or well, you're an assembly line, aren't you? Like you're brought in to be a part of a bigger cog to make money for the business ultimately.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

Yes, but yeah, 100%. But to make you happy costs a lot of money.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Right? So understand that there's limitations to what they can and can't do, and and that is the reality. I get you want it like something, a certain way, but I can tell you now that is not the reality of business. It's not. Wish we could, but it's just not possible. Um, so then we look at that, okay? Um, so you go to HI, you talk to them about what's going on, you ask them, what is available to me? Is a very, very important question. Because otherwise you're just venting.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

And what would typically be available?

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Well, there'd be a whole heap of different things. If it's it really depends on what you're coming to, right? Coming with, sorry. Yeah, yeah. So if you're coming with a an emotional issue, yeah, their first thing is going to say, have you spoken to your manager? Most people will say no, right? Or they'll say yes, and they ignored me, right? And that'll be because the manager's not equipped to manage what was going on.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

The real problem is when the manager didn't go to HR and say, How I've got this problem with the employee, how can we support them? That's when it becomes a real issue. Um, but I think for the most part, from what I can tell, and I don't know, because I'm in my own business with Soul Trader, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Um, but what I can tell is there seems to be more of a push to develop managers to be able to do that, find what they can work with, and then refer them on. They'll offer HR will most likely offer if especially if it's an emotional thing, they'll offer EAP, so employee assistance program. Yep, yep. Uh, which is counselors. Yep. Um, they're generally psychologists, generally, uh ARPR registered, and they will um you'll be able to talk to them, and it's generally free of charge because the business pays into that.

SPEAKER_02 39:23

I've used that. I've got some. Some must be really good. So that's, I mean, this is now the perfect time to talk about because I have used an employee assistance program. I went in, I was struggling with, I guess, anxiety or workplace pressure or um whatever else, and they determined that this particular sort of EAP thing was suitable for me. And to be honest, it was a short course. When I'm in a short course, it was a six-week program where you did a certain topic or something every week where it was a this is where we started, and here's a case study, and now you're in week two, and now you're in week three. And I thought it was terrific, I thought it was awesome, right? But if I'm being completely honest, six weeks after I'd finished that, I'd forgotten everything that I'd learned. Yeah, which I get that that's it was a great thing for them to do, but it doesn't, it doesn't last for me because you're not I'm not doing that course every week. It does last. It does.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Come on, buddy. Here's the thing, right? Remember, I said to you at the start, the largest portion of everything to do with stress is you. You so you're at least in the workplace, you are at least 50% responsible for that, right? In this case here, they're giving you tools you didn't use. Yeah, I'm telling you now, as a counselor, this is the hardest part of my job. I can show you all this stuff, but will you do it? Will you follow through with it? And generally the advice that I give is about prevention, it's not always about in the moment, because I get that in the moment, yeah, you're not going to remember the that memory center of your brain kind of shuts off like a computer system. So uh you're not going to remember that stuff, and that's okay. Yeah, but when we look at um, because you know, there's lots of talk about self-care, and it seems to be a bit of a buzzword at the moment, self-care. Uh, we don't want to do self-care only when we're heightened, we've got to do it when it's easy. If you do it when it's easy, then we lower the emotional threshold, limiting the amount of stress that we experience. But that doesn't mean the stress is not going to come. It's a hundred percent gonna come. But how I respond to it and not react to it is important.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

So just based on what you're saying, then it seems like if I had my time again now and I was reflecting, maybe I needed to get psychological help from a counselor or someone to regulate myself before going in and then doing that EAP work where I'd be in a better position to remember it and and take on processes.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

Is is that is that the way that well the EAP should have done that anyway, because they've got um counselors that you're speaking to a counselor.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

So before they gave you the program, or the program should have been about self-management, self-regulation. Um and and that's what the program should have been about, even though I'm not saying that it was I'm not saying that it was bad, I don't know what you did, but um uh I would imagine it was good, but it should have been about how do I manage me.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Um because that that that is a big a big chunk of everything. It's got to be about you, right? How do I take care of my 50%? And then if the thing is still happening because it's external to me, where it's happening to me, right, and I have no no part in it, um, or I don't fit in here anymore, that's a different conversation. So now we're looking at who do we go to externally to get the support I need, right? Whether that's through um whether that's through uh the mental health plans through the GP, go to the GP, see them, uh, see them and say, okay, look, this is where I'm at. They'll do an assessment, they'll go, okay, cool. You need a mental health plan, they'll give you um, gives you up to 10. Yeah, I think six to ten. It changed a bit after COVID, man.

SPEAKER_02 43:02

I think it's ten.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Oh, it was twenty.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

It's ten every ten every calendar year. Well, actually, ten, actually, it's ten from the moment you get your plan.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Yeah. So yeah, if you've got a end of that ten, then you can review it.

SPEAKER_02 43:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can review it. So I think that's what you're talking about now, Luke, because I did have a question. You're talking about going to HR. But yeah, what if you are a sole trader or a small business or a startup or something that is, you know, you're one of five or one of three, and you're dealing with workplace stress and pressure and you don't have HR to turn to. Yeah, let me know.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

What's the I'll get there, buddy? I'll resist the thrill to test your skill. Yeah, mate. Yeah, how about this? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I'll say that. Yeah, we'll just go with that. All right. You want to tell me? Yeah, bro, shut up. Right. That's fair. Um so yeah, you go there, you get you get their mental health plans. The other option is don't underestimate counselors that aren't uh ARPR um APRA registered. Because when you become ARPA registered, Is only certain that there are certain um what they call um evidence-based things you've got to do. What I found is even talking to psychologists that I know, that some of their uh clients or their patients aren't ready for them, right? So then they'll do the assessments and stuff like that, but they're not ready for them. So that that changes things because if we're looking at body-based interventions, they're the ones you want to go to first because they're talking fully about how I regulate the nervous system to be able to get you ready for talk therapy. That's good. Do that. It doesn't mean you have to always choose that one person, but going to somebody who can regulate the nervous system is a massive, massive chunk of issue taking out, and then the talk therapy is more about rebuild. Does that make sense to you? Um, so yeah, don't underestimate people that aren't registered with ARPRA. It's got a lot of good things to offer. Um, and I guess um, because there are a lot of therapies that don't fall under ARPRA, right? Like um mind body medicine, applied psychophysiology, um, kinesiology, all of these natural style things, uh, support structures that don't fall under ARPRA. You can't be registered. So don't underestimate them. Yeah, you might be out of pocket, but uh it was really interesting. Um, a friend of mine, because sometimes the mental health plans, there's a gap, right? Understand that. Sometimes under the mental health plans, there's a gap because it matters, it depends on the actual practitioner as to what they charge per session, because I think their mental health plans only cover, uh, don't quote me on this, it was about $190 to $200 a session. So um some people are charging more than that, they might be charging four or five hundred dollars a session, right? So that's a lot of money, right? That means you're paying that gap, that $300 gap. Gotcha, right? So um, so let's just say I had to pay a gap to see a psychologist or someone like that, you would probably pay less going to somebody who can work with um the nervous system and work with body-based interventions, um, than what you would do to do a um to see a psychologist, and it'll be quicker.

unknown 46:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

So please keep that in mind, right? That we need to look at how I regulate the nervous system in the body, not just talk therapy because sometimes you're not ready for it. Like if we if we look at at your most highest uh stress levels, Joel, if somebody was talking to you, what would you retain? Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

Fuck all, right?

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Yeah, so but as soon as you regulate the nervous system, you started to retain more.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Because it's starting to come back online. Perfect, that's the idea. So then you go to the psychologist later when we're ready for talk therapy. So just keep that in mind. Um now you can ask your question, Robert's question.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

Well, I've oh man, I've got heaps of questions, but like I'll let's start with this one. So, what's how can someone tell the difference between normal work pressure and unhealthy stress?

SPEAKER_00 47:14

It's we missed the signs early. Yeah, there were a lot of early signs. However, now knowing what I know now, if you had to ask me that question two years ago, three years ago, I would have said something along the lines of um, you know, you might wake up tired in the morning, you might feel um groggy in the morning, I hate going to work and all this sort of stuff, right? Knowing what I know now, what if what if it it's more an imbalance in the nervous system itself that is misdiagnosed, right? And what I know now and how I've seen it work so fast, I am a product of it as well as a client. Uh it is so quick, like literally a session, you feel different, right? As soon as we balance out the different parts of the nervous system, things change so quickly, so quickly. That's why I love the that's why that's why I love learning about it. Um so that is a you issue, right? Now, if we don't notice those different things that are happening in us and then take care of them, we will see the relationship with ourselves deteriorate, and then we'll see it play out in work. So am I tired in the morning? Am I eating well? Am I getting my needs met? My basic needs, right? Um, you know, what's the diet look like? What what does my circle of friends look like? What does my connection look like with others? Um the connection, I love this one. The connection with others, and you watch the way that they interact with you, is a telltale sign that you are either um either in a good place or that you need some support. Because they mirror us. We all mirror each other. So if we're at work and we're starting to get a whole bunch of stink from everybody around us, right? I understand you're probably an issue too. Right. You you may have overstepped the boundary. And this is what I'm saying. This is why it can be very controversial this conversation. Because who is prepared to take responsibility for our role and stuff? Hardly anybody, man. Hardly anybody. Every time I sit down with somebody and we talk about their role in it, they're not open to it. They're not, not initially. I'm I'm literally in sales mode when I do that because I've got to sell to them what is in their control. And you and your approach to things, the way you approach yourself and the way you approach your work, the way you approach your relationships, is in your control when it comes from me. I can't control what they do, but I can't control what I do. And so I've got to sell that back to people, and that's so that that one there can be very difficult, and sometimes it can be very easy, depending on the person. So um it's really got to start with you. How do I feel about turning up to this workplace? Because how I feel is the motivator to how I'm going to uh interact with the business and with the work that I do. So I've got to understand how I feel. How do I feel about this place? Give you an example. I went I worked at a workplace where uh my case was very, very big and I used the love go to work with these people, but that it was worth it. And I walk in the place it's like a black hole of energy just sucker straight out of me. And I and I noticed that in the first week. I'm like, oh my wife, yo, I've got to get out of here. It wasn't the first week. Actually, I think it was the first day. Like, yo, I gotta get out of here. This is bad. You gotta hang around because we're building the house. Yeah, we're building the house, you've got to hang around.

unknown 51:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

Yes. Right. Gotta tick the boxes for the picture. So I'm like But I stuck it out for as long as I could. I think I was there for a year and a half, something like that. And it killed me. Killed me. I can tell you now, never have I ever taken off as many days as I did then. I would take days off uh even if I didn't have to leave. I don't care. I needed the time, and that's what most people don't do. So, like, let's just say going through a rough time at work, you know, you get your leave, you got mental health days, all that sorts of stuff that you can check, right? What do you do with those days? Right? What what what is it that I'm doing with those days? A lot of people fill those days with more tasks than they do at home, right? They wash clothes, they wash dishes, they do all this other shit.

SPEAKER_02 52:14

Yeah, play catch up. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Do you know what I do? Fuck all. Straight out, nothing. Whatever I want to do right now. So uh I'll make sure that the basic necessities are done, like getting the kids to school and all that sort of stuff, um, breakfast and all that. If I feel like watching a movie initially, I felt really guilty to this. If I feel like sitting on the couch watching a movie and then falling asleep halfway through the day, I'll do that. Yeah, because that's what my body needs. If I'm not listening to it, I'll take that energy into something else. And it will be a relationship and it will fall down, or it'll be the work and things won't go well. So uh I if I'm taking a day off and I'm pulling a sick in, I'm doing it because I need it.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:03

Right. So do what you need to do inside those times.

SPEAKER_02 53:08

So and this probably moves on then to, you know, what if we have ignored the signs? If stress has already hit hard in the workplace, like what's the first thing that someone should do in that moment? Like, and and let me just give it a context. What if you do have what if you enjoy the environment and you enjoy the job, but you're working on a particularly stressful project that maybe has complexities to it and deadlines, um, but you just feel it's getting quite stressful. Like what can you do in the moment?

SPEAKER_00 53:39

Yeah, it's really difficult without actually showing you because body-based interventions you gotta do. You gotta and you kind of need to see it to do it. I can explain it, but it'll get lost, right? Um, but uh a lot of the times uh you need to understand that the deadlines aren't going away, they're always gonna be there. Yeah, always uh as much as you want to move deadlines and nobody really likes them, they're always gonna be there. The other thing is um what's the priority right now? Right? Uh I know of a lot of people that work really hard to get everything done as fast as possible so they can cruise to the deadline.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

Yeah, I used to work like that.

SPEAKER_00 54:24

Yeah, I know a lot of people like that.

SPEAKER_02 54:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:27

And then what they didn't recognize is what doesn't work, it doesn't work out because as soon as someone catches you taking a piss a little bit because you're you're done, you get more work. And the better you appear, the more they give you to fill your time because the more time you have, the more billable hours I can get as a business.

SPEAKER_02 54:49

I've seen memes around this. I accidentally became valuable at work and now I've got more work to do.

SPEAKER_00 54:55

Yeah, you can definitely say that. So, how do I uh prioritize the work that I'm doing? Yeah, what is the thing that uh has to get done today, not all the things. So most people that uh uh in those types of situations are looking at the biggest picture possible, yeah, not the one task at a time. So if you were to you could almost calendar it if you like, I'm gonna break out this much time to get this one thing done today, and if I calculate that across to the deadline, I know that I'm gonna get it all done, every single step done by that time, instead of just trying to smash out everything, right? Uh, and I get that there are a lot of complexities in different things, but um, and there are a lot of um distractions too, people asking questions and a whole bunch of different things. So uh I can appreciate that. But if you block out the time and you value yourself and the time that you have, then uh you're shutting down most of that. Look, I can't talk to you right now, I've got to get this done. This is a priority. Can you email me? I'll go back to you when I can. Yeah, right. Um, how do I have those types of conversations? I need to have the courage to do it. Yeah, and I need to make sure that my priority is me. All right, and then in the space of workplace, the priority then is the work or the priority I've got to get done today only, not what I get got to get done by 30th of June or whatever. All right, it's just today. Yeah. How do I control today?

SPEAKER_02 56:26

So let's say you get a project and you do what you're saying and you're structured and you map it out and you go, Fuck, I think this is 12 hours a day, five days a week for the next eight weeks to get this done. Like, say it's a big project, whatever industry you're in. Like, is it then you go, Well, I don't know if I can sustain that, or do you just start and see where you end up and then halfway through say, Hey, I'm A, not gonna make it, or B, I'm not coping well. Like, what would you do in sort of that scenario? Like, what kind of conversations are you having, or how are you handling that?

SPEAKER_00 56:53

I'm speaking to the manager straight away because I'm mapping it out, right? Yeah, uh generally I can map things out in my head, but there are a lot of people that can't, they've got to write it down. So that's okay too, whichever way it works, map it out, right? Once you've mapped it out and you go, Wow, yeah, this is ridiculous. Yep, yeah, yeah, then you go, old mate manager, I'll listen here. This ain't gonna work.

SPEAKER_01 57:16

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 57:16

And you have the conversation around that. Now I get that most people are worried about looking incompetent in that's in those scenarios, but the incompetence in that case is the hierarchy and the leadership, right? Because I'll give you that, well, it's just gotta get done, mate.

SPEAKER_02 57:32

It's just gotta get done.

SPEAKER_00 57:33

Yeah, well, how you gonna help me? I'll tell you now, here's the difference, right? Uh I still look at the the um the outcome. I still want the outcome, right? That the business wants. I would still want the outcome. But understand this is all I am able to do inside this time. If y'all ain't gonna help me, then maybe you can hire some other fool that's gonna get smashed out and fall apart. And you can tell because when you roll up into a business or into a workplace and they go, Oh, so-and-so used to do that job, so-and-so used to do the job before them, so-and-so used to do the job before them. It's like, well, hang on, you've gone through five different people before you got to me. Why am I here? Oh, because they all got smashed and they're like gnam out. Right. So then it goes back to the environment. Is this the right environment for me?

SPEAKER_01 58:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:28

Right? And if the manager and the leadership aren't prepared to support you in that, then it's not. It's not. That's their problem, right? That you are now taking on. So, and I and and I I appreciate that you know, we don't want to be bouncing from job to job. I get it, right? But let me tell you, it's probably time. It's time to go find something else.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

Well, that's quite liberating. I guess you've always got the option to say, well, if all else fails, this is not the place for me. But again, it's a bit like people that stay in marriages longer than they should and stuff. Sometimes it's it's hard to go, gee, I'm on a decent income here and I've got a wife at home with a kid, and we've got a mortgage, and you know, gee, am I going to find work in or the same job in three weeks? Oh, you know, sometimes it's easier just to stay. Sometimes it's got to get really bad. They often talk about, I've I've heard someone else motivationally talk about this that when things are really good, great. When things are really bad, great, you take action. But when things are just okay, they're not quite great, and they're not quite bad, you kind of just do nothing. You know, you get caught in that middle ground. Sometimes you need that cataclysmic shakeup to make that decision to go, fuck this, I'm out.

SPEAKER_00 59:36

And that's a good thing. If you're not paying attention, what do you want? What are my needs? How do I communicate them? How do I fulfill them? Right? That is what we would see in families. Don't forget, your um your workplace is your surrogate family. So, how am I going to ensure that my family are aware of my needs? Most people don't talk about their needs, they talk about their wants. I want this person to do this. I don't feel uh that this is fair. Uh no one gives a shit about fair, to be honest with you. I don't care, man. That's the truth. So um, what um what are my needs? Yeah, and how do I communicate them? That is a massive, massive step. And if you are able to communicate them and the business doesn't come along with you, then are you in the right place? The answer is no. It's no. So, what do you do? Stick it out until you find another job, probably, or stay where you are and burn out. That's a choice.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:43

So, Luke, I thought we could jump into your toolkit now. This is where you give us some practical strategies and some vibes, some things we can actually use, keeping it jargon-free. I was hoping that you could tell us maybe something a little bit about workplace stress and what we've just spoken about.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:59

Yeah, so uh what I would suggest is uh we need to make sure that the priority is looked after, the priority being you, right? If you're not looked after, then the stress levels are gonna come, they're gonna go up, right? Now I know that there's a lot of talk around uh mindfulness, and I know that there are a lot of people that I've spoken to personally that have just said mindfulness doesn't work, doesn't help me. Well, actually, it does. It's just when are you doing it? And the idea is to lower the emotional threshold so that when you are hit with stress, you're able to manage in a different place, you're in a different place completely. So things like breathing, um, breathing works really well. Uh if you're interested, you should check out uh a thing called ionization. Um, it's kind of where you block one nostril, breathe in and out of that one, and then block the other one.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:55

People can't see this exactly except you block one nostril, and then you sound like cartoon character.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:59

Yeah, I couldn't help myself. Um uh yeah, and then breathing in and out. So when the brain is deprived of oxygen, the stress levels go up, right? And and then that's not helpful for anybody. So uh, you know, anything to do with breathing, mindfulness stuff, journaling, if you're into it. Personally, I'm not into journaling. Uh, I can't I can't do it. But um I I like to play things out of my head and then coach myself through it, so to speak, right? So um that's just me. So that's my version of journaling. But uh funny enough, I had a client the other day, he's like, Oh, I want to do some journaling, and I said, Oh, hang on a second. I created a fillable PDF journal. Um, and I'm like, oh, I try to find it, find it, find it. I finally found it on the weekend, and uh, and so I sent it off. Uh, and it's uh when I looked at it, I made it like maybe eight, ten years ago, probably at least. And I'm like, oh, this shit's good. Um, this is really good because it's more future focused, right? Uh it's not who cares about what happened before, it doesn't matter. What matters is what do I do now, right? Uh so whenever we're talking about stress and stuff like that, workplace stuff, uh, we need to make sure that we're looking after the priority first. The other thing is uh I think that there is a massive uh lack of respect, I would say, and I know that respect's probably not the right word, but I'll use it anyway. Lack of respect for our assessing skills, assessing what is right for me. Is this place right for me right now? I get that you've probably been there for a long time, um, and maybe the role got crusty, maybe you got crusty, right? And it's not working for you anymore, that's okay. That's okay to go looking for another job. Uh, loyalty is something you get spoken about in in uh jobs. What I would say is loyalty is good, absolutely, but we need to make sure that we are loyal to ourselves first. What is right for me? Because if it's not right for me and things have changed in the workplace, uh in the organization, and I need to look for something else, then go find something else. Nobody needs to know that you're you're searching, right? Um, the idea for that is, and this is one thing I noticed a bit, is once people start searching for different roles, they check out. And then the the increase of stress uh comes from above because they've checked out, then all of a sudden, you know, we're performance managing and all this sort of crap. So don't check out, keep doing what you're doing, go look for another role.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:47

That's where we spoke about earlier on the episode about quiet quitting, I think, which I don't quite fully understand, but my understanding is that of it is when you just decide that it's not the place for you, but it's just easy to take the paycheck and you emotionally disengage and you just do the absolute bare minimum, which is probably not very good for the soul.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:05

No, it's not. No, it's not. Uh, and I know that we we have got plans to talk about purpose and what have you, and we'll talk a bit about happiness and fulfillment inside that, but uh just understand that uh if you are looking for a role, don't check out, don't increase the stress levels for you. Um, I know there are a lot of people that hide in those moments, uh, but people have a tendency, especially leadership management, have a tendency to find you, right? Uh so uh keep that in mind. Um, that'll be what I would suggest. There are a lot of different uh body based interventions, heaps, such as yoga, um, such as anything vagal toning.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:49

Um you mentioned that previously.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:51

Yeah, anything like that will work pretty quick, very, very quick. The challenge is, like we said before, that the challenge is is that. Part of my brain to remember to do that thing is that online right now. Yeah, I've been through that. And it might not be right. Yeah, it most likely won't. So it's really, really difficult. Yep. We want to make sure that we're doing the mindfulness things and the things that uh lower our emotional threshold, we want to do them when it's easy, not when it's hard. Yeah. It's too hard, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:23

I think that's a really good point. Like when you are hand on the fire in the middle of it, and I think you've mentioned you know your cognitive powers get shut down, your reasoning centres are down. It's hard to think logically through the what do I need right now when you're in the middle of it. If you are in the middle of it, in the middle of a work day and all this stress is built up and you have ignored it. What is one thing that you can just do or two things you can just do straight away, assuming that your reasoning center is offline?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:48

Yeah, uh and and that's hard, right? So we're having an emotional problem that we're trying to make logic of. It's a different part of the brain. Good luck. Yeah. And it's not supposed to work that way. We're not supposed to make uh rational decisions when we're emotional.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:05

It's not so funny you mentioned that. Sorry, Luke. My dad quoted this one day, and it's exactly what you just said. He said, when it comes down to an emotional beats rational every day, you can't rationalise with someone that's emotional. No. And and you know, the opposite, it just trumps it. It's like you know, paper defeating rock.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:21

Yep. Yeah. But we are we are emotional beings. So why would we try and overlogic things? Uh so if you're in the middle of it and it's happening right now, I think uh requesting to go for a walk is really good.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:35

Move the body, right? But we want to work, walk with a purpose. Okay. So if we're uh aggressive, right, we want to walk at a pace that is high level, right? You're not quite uh what do I say? You're not you're not quite power walking, but your heart rate's up, right? And you might walk like that for five minutes. Then we tape it down, okay, and we and we level out for the next 10, right? Um, level out so that you're able to catch your breath and you're able to talk again. That'll be where we want to be, and then go back into the office. All right, that'll be what I would suggest. If you're more uh depressive, okay, then we want to slowly walk, like really slow, and then increase that that pace to where just above our uh our cruising speed, so to speak, so the heart rate's back up again, and then tape it down again and level out, right? So again, it's the same type of time frames five and ten. Uh, I find that to have worked really well for some people. Um, so give that a go, see how that works. But in the moment, if it's vagal toning, you can do it, nobody will know you're doing it. Uh, maybe we should actually do an online course so that we can actually refer back to it so that you guys can see what we're talking about here because it's it's very powerful, very, very quick.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:59

Vagal toning.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:00

Vagal toning.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:00

So we might be able to do a video or something for our socials.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:03

Yeah, we need to do something. So yeah, that'll be that would be what I would say.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:06

That's great. Should we move on?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:07

Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:08

All right, this one, the last segment we have here, mate, is what three things made you happy this week. This is our weekly pause to notice the little wins. I will come up with three. You will struggle to think of one and then reframe it and call it appreciative, but that's okay. Number one, uh, obviously a big one for us. We had a healthy baby girl in Alexa Kyle Sheldon. That was about as big as you can get. So it's huge. Yeah, we've been trying for a fair time and had our own challenges and problems with that. But so far she's growing really well. So we're um that's about as good as it gets. Absolutely. Number two, uh, it was a simple one, but it's a negative that turns into a positive for me. But I had out a Father's Day photo with my daughter Harley from this time last year or two years ago, where I was in a pretty bad way. And I keep it, I'm not sure why, but it maybe as a reminder of I don't want to go back to that place. But I keep it in my journal, and it'd come out of my journal, and it was on the table, and my daughter turned to me and she said, I love this photo. And I said, Why's that? Knowing that I hate it for the reasons I just described. And she simply said, Because we're together. Nice. So that was a nice way to take something that was quite painful, and now it's a memory of well, my daughter loves this photo, so now I love it. So that's it. And then number three, as you know, Luke had a rough couple of days um earlier this week, which I've bounced out of now, but I took the courage just to say to me, old man, um, hey, listen, I don't want advice here, I'm just letting you know what has happened, uh, just to keep him up to speed because he's been up to speed with everything else, and about a minute into the conversation he started giving me advice. Um, but it was um it was really nice. He gave me some reframing techniques and said that you know he probably likened it to the stressful period we'd been through trying to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, and and maybe now that that had happened that my guard was down and I'd allowed my body to catch up and relax, and a bit like when you work crazy in a work project and then you finish the project and get sick, you know, because it's like, well, your body has permission to play catch up. Um, and so when you put it like that, I'm like, that actually makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:05

So it's a bit like taking a shit, innit? It is, man. Like you get all revved up and you try and cruise suit to keep everything together so you don't let it go, and then all of a sudden you're able to, and it's like, oh my god. That's exactly what I needed.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:18

Yeah, oh yes, yep. So one of the things that made me happy this week was taking a big shit, apparently. So they were my three, mate.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:24

What were yours? My three, yeah, struggle town. Uh, I would say I uh am very appreciative for everybody who's helped my son out. Yeah, Patrick recently, Patrick, yeah, with with um uh just the transition he's made from different states for the sport he plays. Um they've been very supportive, so thank you very much. Uh what else I would say, you know, very interesting actually, is uh I am very appreciative of my wife, I would say, this week especially.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:58

Shout out Joe.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:59

Yeah. So um uh she she says that we're both clicking away on our laptops late one night this week, and she says, uh hey, you know it's the 13th of September this weekend. Yeah, like who gives a fuck? Yeah, and she starts laughing, she goes, Yeah, it's okay, I forgot too. You forgot what? Uh oh. And she goes, birthday? No, it's our anniversary. Oh Luke. So I yeah, yeah, we both had a giggle, but that was just good. Um, but uh, and I didn't get scolded for it, which is even better. But uh lucky she forgot. Yeah, I know, man. Uh to be fair, like this is our 16th wedding anniversary. We've been together for 22 odd years. Congrats. Uh yeah, it's been good. Um, so that's um that'd be something I'm appreciative of big time because if I didn't have her, I'm telling you now, I'd forget my own birthday. I'll give you the hot tip. Um yeah, she's um she's really good. So um there too. Uh and I would say I would have to, I know this is really personal, but I'm I would have to be appreciative of my daughter, Amelia. She's five, she teaches me so much, man. So much. Oh my god. The things that that that girl says, it's like, how do you know that? You're five, man. Yeah, I'm going through the same thing. Holy moly. Yeah, um, yeah, and that's pretty cool. Um, yeah, she teaches me a lot.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:30

So do you find they keep you honest? Like, because you've mentored both you and your wife, this young girl, that the way I say it as a five-year-old is they haven't really learnt major bad habits, but they've got all of your best qualities, and all of the things you teach them, they put back onto you. No hats at the table, no phones at the table, don't chew with your mouth open. They keep you honest like that. Does Amelia do that?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:51

Not so much, but what I do like, and Joanne will hate this one. What I do like is she probably keeps Joanne honest more than me. And we're a bit of a tag team at the moment. Like, um she uh yeah, she gives it to Joanne actually, and Patrick. She runs rings around Patrick, man. It's unreal, man. It's funny, yes. Um, so no, she doesn't really keep me honest, but she definitely keeps the other two honest, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:20

Oh, that's great, mate. Uh, that's about it for another show. Again, if you want to get in contact with us, lifespumpsbruises at gmail.com or at Instagram at life's bumps and bruises or Facebook under the same name. I think next week, mate, we might talk about um finding your purpose, maybe. I think we've just spoken about workplace stress and about how environments can impact us, but you know, there's an old saying that if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life. I'm interested to maybe expand and open up the topic of um of finding purpose. So I think that would be a good lead in.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:49

Yeah, sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:50

Sounds great. All right, mate, that's uh that's it for this week.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:53

Hey, guess what? Good on you. See you next Tuesday. Thanks, mate. All right, take care, guys. See ya. Bye.