Why Do I Care What Others Think Of Me?

 In this episode of Life’s Bumps and Bruises, Luke and Joanne discuss the important subject of why people care about what others think of them and how this can lead to self-judgement. 

In the Unpack That segment, Luke and Joanne discuss communicating our needs in relationships and how it differs from men and women. 

🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into: 

• Understanding self-judgment 
• Recognising how what we believe others think of us impacts what we think of ourselves
• Safely communicating our needs in relationships

📬lifesbumpsbruises@gmail.com

📲Instagram: ⁠@lifesbumpsandbruises⁠

📘Facebook: ⁠Life’sBumps and Bruises⁠
 
🎧 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s open up about the challenges we all face, one real chat at a time.
 
 

Credits:
 
The Inspiration by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon
 
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
 
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
 
Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Life's full of bumps and bruises. I'm Luke Lee Tet, counsellor and life coach, joined by Joanne Lee Tet, mum and HR professional, living what seems to be a never-ending roller coaster.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Each week we discuss strategies to navigate the bumpy road of life.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

With practical approaches to difficult life moments, we bring real life options to the challenges everyday people face.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Welcome to Life's Bumps and Bruises.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

We're glad you're here. Things that are happening in life. I'm sitting across from me right now is Joanne. How are you doing, Joe?

SPEAKER_04 0:56

Yeah, all right. Feeling exhausted, really, but yeah, getting there.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

You know what? It's been a pretty big week. There are always big weeks. And this week is uh last two weeks is oh no, this week has been uh a uh school holidays, isn't it? Or is this the second week? Oh, I know I don't know, they kind of blend into one day.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

I know, I know, and it's just been on the go.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Yeah, it has. Yeah, it's been a bit shitful, actually. But uh, if you're a parent out there, my heart goes out to you. Uh, because you still got to work and look after kids, it's a bit difficult.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

Yeah, navigating school holidays for a working parent is really hard.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Very, really hard. 100%. But anyway, let's go into our rewind. Uh now that we've had our pitch about school holidays. Um uh so last week we discussed the power of community and mental health with Justin Zelonis, and we, you know, well, we really scratched the surface on that, didn't we? I mean, there's so much more that we could talk about when it comes to community. Um, but uh, you know, the the idea is that we're looking for a sense of uh belonging and how important belonging is for people that uh are experiencing mental health because there is a serious uh a feeling of withdrawal, uh, and then we try and hide away from things. So um, yeah, so being human with Justin was um was interesting. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:20

Yeah, I thought it was a a great topic to discuss because it wasn't always about um being involved in a sport as such. It's more about, like you said, belonging to that community. And what we find is a lot of parents that get involved and put back and be part of community. It's because they they like the community, they want to be a part of it. It's not just about their kids playing. So it's really important to connect to something um for people out there.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

What I also find is give being part of community also gives us a place to belong outside of work or family and be around others that have a common thing that you both enjoy. Um, whether it is, you know, in a sport, it's usually that sport or it's with others that have the same like mind like you.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

And I guess that uh you know it's difficult when if work's going shit and life's going shit and family's not quite what you want it to be, you you can need that outlet somewhere. Yeah. Uh and you know, you you can definitely get that from a a hobby, the sport, um, anything external that's for you, uh, where you can feel like you can grow and and contribute too. Uh because I think that that's really um uh that's more of a connection to spirit, if you like. It's it's beyond us, it's not just something that we can control.

SPEAKER_04 3:38

It's powerful because you know, if you don't have that outlet or that community, you can get absorbed in your inner thoughts of what isn't going right in your life and spend send you down that spiral, which is people like you are here to help. But you know, there's another outlet of what you can do.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Yeah, absolutely. 100%. Uh so this week we're going to uh oh, just quickly, but thank you so much for Justin for being on. Uh it was really um was cool to have him here. Um we probably should have uh recorded all of the conversation, even the conversation that happened after, because that was uh it was a bit uh all the conversation that happened before before you forgot to press record.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

Yeah, wait.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Yeah. Come on, mate. I thought we'd moved on.

SPEAKER_04 4:22

No.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

All right. So this week uh we're going to discuss uh why do I care so much about what others think of me? Uh and really where that comes from is that self-judgment. Um and how we're also gonna sort of talk a little bit about how that can play out in relationships, because uh if we can take care of the relationship bit, we can take care of our own bit um and just sort of change the way we think and view. Um, but we'll go into that a little bit later because I know Joe, you've got to unpack that, haven't you?

SPEAKER_04 4:54

I do have an unpack that, but before we get to it, I actually want to give you some stats on the on the podcast. I feel like I'm channeling my inner doll here. Um but we are now in eight different countries. Um so predominantly we're in Australia, which is fantastic. Um, but we're also in the US, Vietnam, Costa Rica, Venezuela, India, um, South Africa, and the Philippines.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Yeah, that's really cool.

SPEAKER_04 5:17

So it's really cool um being on those new platforms that you mentioned a few podcasts ago, um, that we can track where where we are. So um it's pretty exciting that we're getting out and about to people around the world.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

For sure. And if you're if you are from those countries, please reach out and say hello. Uh, we'd we'd love to hear from you and what your thoughts are. I know that culturally things can be a little different. Um, it'd be really cool to sort of get that idea of what it's like over there.

SPEAKER_04 5:42

Yeah. But fundamentally, I think today's topic is it doesn't really matter where you are in the world. I'm sure people struggle with this regardless.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Yeah, for sure. For sure. But I reckon there are some cultures that uh probably experience this uh even more and uh are less open to having discussions because of the culture.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

You kind of got to hold it yourself, which is a difficult one. Um, but yeah, thanks for those stats. Thank you, Joe.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

No worries. All right, so let's jump into um and unpack that. Um, so today, Luke, I'd like to hear your perspective.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

This one's a sticky one.

SPEAKER_04 6:15

Yeah, we we've um discussed this off-air and you thought, oh, should we? I'm like, yes, we should. Um, so I like your perspective on why it's easy for men to discuss their needs from their partner, including sexual needs, um, compared to women. Um, a friend and I were actually talking and she made a joke out of it. Um, her husband works um shift work, and so there's not a lot of crossover. And she said, you know, is it okay for me to just climb on board uh when he's asleep to satisfy her own needs? Because she can't seem to communicate to him when she wants sex um or for her own needs, because you know, their patterns um don't always align. Um, but I find that this is it's bigger than just, you know, people working shift work. What I find is men are generally, even if they do it in a joking way, can discuss their needs a lot easier than what a female could. And a female may just assume that their partner would know and pick up hints. Um, so yeah, let's unpack that a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

Well, uh, I remember that conversation.

SPEAKER_04 7:23

It was um it was actually quite funny. It went a lot further, which I'm not going to go into.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

It was the most uh it was a really cool, inappropriate conversation that only adults could probably have.

SPEAKER_04 7:31

Um, we had some really great laughs with this couple.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Yes, yes, yes. So uh if they're listening, thank you so much for those times. Um it was uh I can't I can't get that conversation up in it, was a piss up, but anyway. Um interesting sort of unpack that, I think. Uh this extends beyond the general sex and stuff like that, like the intimacy. I think that this is a real uh am I capable of expressing my needs in general? It's not just about sex.

SPEAKER_04 8:05

No, it's not just about sex. And this conversation was around sex, and we had a good joke and a laugh. But you're right, it does go beyond that about expressing our needs of our partner for whatever it is. Sex can be included like that. And sex is one of those taboo subjects that you don't really want to talk about. Like I said, from my perspective, being female, I see it quite often where a man can joke about it and leave a woman guessing, is he joking or is he serious? I actually have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Yeah, and and I guess that really comes down to whether you are comfortable expressing yourself and your own needs. Because if you're not, then you'll always take it as uh, I'm not sure that's inappropriate, or are they joking or whatever, right? Uh, you won't be able to see the lines that are being drawn.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Um, to me, this is a big issue that I see in couples therapy.

SPEAKER_04 8:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Where there is no expression of needs at all.

SPEAKER_04 9:01

And I'm not actually surprised about that. Hence the topic.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Yeah, it's um it's it's really interesting. When you get down to the motivator behind it, uh it's it's individualized. So there's not one thing that everybody will experience, but it's uh they they really struggle with just expressing, hey, uh when we do this, I I feel like we I want this. Do you know what I mean? Um, this is what would fulfill me. And maybe it's a rejection thing, I'm not sure. Um, each individual couple's different, but I would strongly encourage everybody to express their needs.

SPEAKER_04 9:40

Um it's funny that you bring that up because last night we were watching a comedy show, and I don't even know who the comedian was. And part of his skit was talking about his wife, about you know, tell me what you want. Yeah, tell me what you want. And she wouldn't tell him until it got to the point, like, are you really serious? Because it comes down to, and and what he was expressing and what I got out of that was even though it was a big joke, and obviously he's a comedian, um, and take it as true or not, but it comes down to I don't want you to judge me to tell you what I actually really want.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:11

That's how I interpreted that.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

But then then there's the other side of it that is uh I can't fulfill your needs if I don't know what they are. True. And then when we look at men in general, we're quite uh logical. I really really no, we are logical. We're not necessarily uh I I would say that in terms of this is the problem, I'll fix it, I'll solve it. I'll just do a thing and it will be solved. Uh there's there's a little bit less emotion behind that, where there's just like uh here's what you're presenting to me, boom, it's done. Don't worry, uh it doesn't matter what it costs, I'm just gonna get do it. Yeah. Um, where I would say the feminine energy in general is a little bit different. They they got to feel that it's right, they gotta feel that they're going to be accepted. What they're saying is gonna be heard uh and understood. And uh, this is the biggest uh key for anybody out there, especially you blokes. It's real simple. This is so simple. Women want to be understood, men want to be appreciated. It's as simple as that.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Right? And how do we understand? We have to listen. Right? If you're a bloke out here listening to this, you have to listen, knowing that the idea of listening isn't to solve a problem. You're not there to solve the problem, you're there just to listen. Because sometimes uh people in general, not just women, but people in general, uh they just want to be heard, right? And if we're not listening in with the intent of not solving any problems, then nobody's gonna feel understood, right? And I think uh that that that in couples a lot that doesn't quite play out now. From the other side, if from the feminine energy side, we would want to say to you that um, hey, you know what? Uh rewards are good, uh, respect is good. Men, for most of them, not you know, a lot of them would probably do a lot of work at work, then come home and do some work around the house, physical, it's all physical, most of it is physical, and so it's like, well, um, just acknowledging the small things because a lot of men, uh, what I'm finding a lot with the work that I do, a lot of men are still little boys in this area. Um, sorry to say, that's true. They don't uh they're still working out how to step up, and then you've got the other side of that where they're stepping up and they're doing everything they possibly can to make sure everything's done, and uh maybe not getting appreciated by their partner.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

So um Do you think some of that is, you know, a woman wants a man to have tell me the emotions, tell me what you're feeling, tell me what you're thinking. And a man doesn't really know how to do that because it's I don't know if it's a taught behavior or but we don't talk, we don't, we don't talk feely uh feelings. We don't express ourselves the same way as a woman expresses herself. We're not there to be your best friend, that's what you've got, you know, your BFF for. They do all that touchy feely stuff. A man doesn't do that. Do you think that's part of the barrier?

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Yeah, remember the old days, so like when I was growing up, the uh the the saying was little boys should be seen and not heard. Right. And uh a little girl should always be safe, right? And that's that's kind of I think that that's ingrained in our society in general. Uh yeah, there's still a bit to boo, and people talk about how men need to express themselves a little bit more emotionally, but to be fair, uh I I would say there's a a large portion of men that misidentify the emotions that they are experiencing.

SPEAKER_04 13:50

I agree. I think that's the same on the on the female perspective as well.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah, but if you sit there and you have a chat with a female about their emotions, you can get to it. But with the men, they're like, I don't even know what you're talking about, man. Feel what, man? Yeah, it's hot, it's cold outside. What do you mean? Yeah, that I don't know. Um, and then they're not stupid, they're not. That doesn't show a lack of maturity. I think it's just a an understanding and a connection. Um, because men aren't necessarily allowed to feel anger, right? There's a good one. Men aren't allowed to feel anger. They're not, because they're being taught that anger hurts people, right? And every time a man gets angry, they get told off for being angry, or they get rejected, or they get pushed away, right? Well, I'm telling you right now, anger is a natural um emotion, everybody feels it. I guess it's really about how you express it. Uh the expression bit is probably the issue, but you're allowed to feel what you feel.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

And so if we're not allowed to feel the the basic fundamental um emotions like anger, uh happiness, sad, which is the sort of um emotions that men would use, and and that's what they would say, they wouldn't necessarily go into it much deeper. If they're not allowed to feel that, then how can they connect with them and how can they explain what's happening for them emotionally? They can't. You know, it'd be very similar to you know, there being times here, even mean between me and you, where I'm not being understood with what I'm saying to you, and then I'll do it a little bit louder, and then I'll try and do it uh a little bit more articulate. It's still not getting there, you're still not understanding it, and then I get angry, and then it's like now I'm raising my voice at you, and uh and then you you kind of shut off.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

Yeah, because you feel like you're being attacked, but it's not actually about you attacking, it's I'm saying it forcibly now because you're not actually hearing my words.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Yeah, but if you had to listen to me at the start, then we wouldn't have this problem, right? And so that there's a whole lot of different things there. So then you're from the female perspective, if we were uh from a male listening to a female, they generally hear the problem and they go, just do this. Cool, conversation's over, right? But it's not over for for your female partner, it's not. Um, and so once we start to shut each other down in these two different ways, then how can we express our needs? We won't be able to. You know, some people some um relationships have got it pretty good, they do they do this really well. Um, and then there are some that don't. And and then there are some that have moments where it's really great, and then moments where it's there's a disconnect somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 16:49

Yeah, so I I know this isn't our main topic, and we haven't really got a toolkit for and unpack that, but what's something that someone can take away from this discussion on on how they could have an open discussion on what their needs are to satisfy their partner?

SPEAKER_00 17:02

I would say don't worry about satisfying your partner, satisfy yourself, right?

SPEAKER_04 17:08

I don't know, it just sounds really weird, but it's especially when you start talking about the topic about is um your sexual needs, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Satisfy yourself, I don't mean it like that. Um, like I'm not talking about go robby now. Um what I am saying is um I'm I'm saying, how am I going to satisfy me? Because if I know how to satisfy me, then I can guide my partner, right? The idea is that I find a lot that happens when the disconnect happens is we have radio silence, right? And that radio silence will last as long as it lasts. Some people, some uh relationships that'll last months, it can last years, yeah, where we feel that disconnected uh and that disjointed that we can't we're like looking at how do we separate, right? And then there are some people that feel like they can't separate because um and I I've had a few clients recently that have like, I know I need to make a decision, but I can't. Yeah. Because of X, Y, and Z. Uh and that's that's a difficult spot to be in. To me, I think that if if in relationships we can spend time with each other just hanging out, talking, I think that's an important part. If we can't do that, there's no way we can express our needs and and communicate them in a way that's going to be received well.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

I think that's half the battle, is communicating so they're received well. Because sometimes when you do speak to somebody, you kind of just blurt out what's happening in your head. And it doesn't always come out right or the way you intend it. And although the words can certainly be taken a certain way, that's not the way you actually meant it. So rather than it being perceived the way it's happening in your head, the conversation is the flow of the conversation the way you think it should go, it kind of goes pear-shaped quite quickly.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Well, girl, we're able to use yours, you as an example.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

Oh, yes. Okay, so just just for our listeners, I'm all fucked up. So you have a fucked up. A lot of examples.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

You're only a little fucked up, it's all right. I would say this is uh uh I'll make Joe over here. You yeah at being your partner, I would say that I have to take a step back while you're talking, because I need to first uh assess whether you're talking to me or if you're talking to are you talking to me about the thing that happened, right? Because sometimes if I if I just take it on face value with the way you speak to me sometimes about an event or something that's happening, uh then I would then be seriously offended.

SPEAKER_04 19:49

Yeah, you could you could go straight to um defense and go, what the fuck? And it can end up in a massive argument. I know a lot of the times you're like, Joe, we actually haven't had this conversation. You've had the conversation in your head first. I had to sit there and think, ah, actually, yeah. This is the first time I actually communicating it.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

So yeah, you Yeah, but the this part here is really important because you you have to assess it because a lot of the time you're not talking to me. You're not you're not actually involving me in the in that, you're just expressing what's in your head. Yeah, and that there has to be that took me a bit of muscle, a bit of time to build that up because uh uh initially when we first got together and you were doing that, I was like, the fuck's this bitch. She's crazy, she's great, great. Hey man, great, get in your car, go hung up. It was um it was tough, right? And it was like, oh hang on, she's not talking to me, she's just telling a story. Um, and and that uh and it's a pretty unique, it's a bit unique, but uh I've noticed that that is also happening in other relationships too. And um, and it's not just females doing it, just so that's clear, men do it too, and uh, but men can generally do it a little bit louder. Um, so it's really about assessing where how are we assessing ourselves? Um, how is there a protected time and space where the two of us can just sit there and hang out and have these con conversations? Because if we can't have them, like okay, you know what? You know, it could be once a week, but we just hang out, right?

SPEAKER_04 21:25

And what do you say to someone that doesn't feel as though they're in a safe place to have that conversation? So I want to express my needs to my partner, but our relationship really isn't in a steady place to have that. So if I express my needs, they might just take it all as a personal attack on them where you're not being the person I need you to be for me.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Well, for starters, the language is important, right? That the language would have to always be not when you do I feel. It's more I'm feeling like this right now. Can we work through it? Right. So that way we uh going back to the idea of I'm working on an emotion that I'm feeling, which isn't always inflicted by somebody else, because uh I know this doesn't really make sense for a lot of people, but the idea that uh nobody can make you feel anything, you have to feel what you're feeling, and that's based on the meaning you assign to it. Right. So somebody like like I said to you before about the the idea where when you're telling a story and I feel like you're attacking me, but I'm not even there. You're just telling a story, right? I'm just listening. The the the idea is that I could make that mean that you're talking to me. And then boom I I'm I'm straight into using defense with offense. It's like this isn't good. Yeah. Right. But if I allow myself to make it mean that hey, you know what you're just telling a story then that's important right so the language is super super important. The other part is is if you don't feel safe with to express your needs there's some other things happening. And the idea around it would be um what is the priority for our needs right now to get to a point where we can express our personal needs. That would be the first thing I would say was the priority. And you might need uh some assistance with that I noticed that um there are some uh counselors that do uh uh couples therapy and they're constantly doing couples with each other uh I do it a little differently I like to do the first one two where we're together as saying what's going on uh while the people are in the room and then I have this idea that we all bring our own baggage to our relationships right so that there could be an automatic program that's being triggered in our relationship that I need to work on and then that doesn't involve my partner because if I take care of that it could have a flow on effect on so many different things. So uh I there and then I like to work on them individually and then bring them back again later on. Yeah um a lot of time when we bring them back later on they're generally pretty good but some people aren't um so for me if you don't feel safe enough to express your needs there is something else bigger going on that maybe you need assistance with personally.

SPEAKER_04 24:15

Well coming back to our our friend's discussion um I ended up telling her that yes you can just cram on where he's asleep I'm sure he will love it. And he was sitting there right next to us agreeing so um I think that's a perfect way to end that unpack that thanks for that unusual one.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Yeah that was it was an interesting conversation like I said that was good.

SPEAKER_04 24:37

Very funny they don't live close to us but um I'm sure that when we catch up we'll have some colourful stories and things to share. All right um moving right along um so our topic today is uh why do I care so much of what others think about me. Um I you know most of these topics that we're talking about in this series are topics that I come up with um and some of them are personal and some of them are what I see in others. Um and being in my role of HR and just me in general this is something that um has been for me right throughout my life um and it has been a definite definite barrier um and some things are you know public speaking absolutely hate public speaking so let's Joe get you on a podcast that will source it um there's lots of people that don't like self uh public speaking and part of it comes back to being embarrassed what will people think of me I don't want to stuff up um everyone's looking at me there's nowhere to hide um and it's something that I still struggle with um I know in my work I have to deliver trainings and I have to be 100% over the topic before I will even take it on. Sometimes it's really not a choice. It's here Joe, here's a presentation go and deliver it and I hate that I hate it um I don't feel prepared and um I also think about you know what if someone asks me a question that I don't actually know the answer to I don't want to look stupid. So um yes this is a topic that's actually quite close to me and something that I have struggled with for a really long time. What I have found though, the older I get, I actually take on your attitude of who gives a fuck what other people think of you? And I really love that you have that um and knowing you sometimes that is a persona sometimes you do care but you wear the mask really well and other times you don't give a fuck what other people think of you. And I look at you and I'm like how? How can I take that from you? Because being out of my head and not thinking that way of what others think of me is um when I take that approach it's a lot more calming there's not so many voices in my head I'm not so anxious. So yeah I was that's my topic for today.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Yeah okay um what do I think about that there's a lot in that um yeah sorry doing a little bit of rant there. Yeah that's okay um because I I get that uh self-judgment is a big thing you you know we're talking about you're you're talking about what you think others think but do you know I got no idea so you're talking about self-judgment and what you think others think of you how do you know what they think you don't so you're guessing you're guessing right and uh here's what I was saying before that ultimately the only thing you have um you you're taking on an emotion a feeling of judgment or that I'm not good enough or that uh I don't know enough I don't want to be stupid all this type of stuff uh is it true the answer's probably no you're not stupid and it's okay to say I don't know I'll find out for you um and that's something I've actually done a lot more at work like I use work as an example I I'm quite up front going you know in my role I don't know everything there's so much I don't know but if I don't know I'll go and find the answer or go and find someone you can talk to and it took me a really long time to get comfortable in saying that to to me that that that's a confidence issue that's not a judgment issue um you're using judgment to to express your lack of confidence in self which is okay there's nothing wrong with that uh you're human you're gonna have times of that um but when it comes to you know it's interesting had this issue once where uh uh there was a uh a family that got upset with me around what they think they heard from somebody not from what they actually knew and i and I found it really interesting because it's like well what's the truth then what is the truth do you know what the truth was unlike Chinese whispers isn't it a hundred percent right and then they're like no I don't know the truth because this is what this person heard from this person heard from that person like hang on a second why don't you come to me and ask me what happened and they eventually we get to and like oh so that didn't happen no it didn't happen right so uh that whole idea of um thinking about what other people are thinking there's no truth in it even in here like when we do counseling sessions right I'm telling you now we never deal with the truth ever we only ever deal with the person's truth and they don't know the whole truth because it's all about a a perception or an adaptation to what's happened.

SPEAKER_04 29:50

Maybe they can't handle the truth.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Oh Jesus Christ you're a moron anyway sometimes Joel's still in the room um but I I would say um how do we manage that's is it's a big deal public speaking isn't um uh isn't everybody's cup of tea right and some people take it to it like a duck to water yeah they do um but you know what they're still having similar issues how's how's everybody going to going to receive the information I give uh I feel a bit like that too because I have a tendency to rant a bit so I've got to be really careful about how I prevent myself from ranting. So when I do public speaking it's like uh am I getting the confent through in a way that's going to be uh accepted and then utilized I don't know the answer to that always I don't um so for me I don't try and know everything uh one thing I do a lot is I ask questions yep I don't give I don't actually give a whole lot of content I ask a lot of questions and I give the content based on the answers um is one area if I think about judgment what are you actually judging yeah what how how are you how does anybody actually judge themselves and their performance and and how I'm going to be uh received you know like you think about yourself like how how do you know that um people aren't accepting of the information giving them yeah I think it comes back to you know when you're growing up and when you're a teenager in high school high school shit you know high school is is a really shit time for a teenage girl because that's when you learn how much girls judge other girls on fucking everything.

SPEAKER_04 31:47

Their hair their face a pimple a fucking white hair um you know makeup if you're wearing makeup their clothing their shoes you know if they put on a little bit of weight everything gets judged so you kind of know how girls think and I know that's very general because there's people that don't think like that but you become very self-conscious about yourself because of that.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

I'm sorry I know I'm interrupting you that's all right you do it all the time but you got me this thing you got you you got I got so much out of that right so now your insecurities are tied up with other people's insecurities yeah most likely but it comes down to what do other people think of me it's it's definitely no no no no no you miss you you're misinterpreting that that's not what other people think of you that's what you think of you and you've accepted other people's insecurities so because they have that insecurity about themselves they're projecting it externally so their judgment on you or other people is their own judgment of themselves 100% let me give you the hot tip that kick in there ask every day about how they can be better than everybody else how they can be present good enough uh to be accepted and belong and all this other stuff right and the especially here in Australia it's even worse that to be better than you I just have to put you down. Is that the tall poppy syndrome yeah yeah 100% I don't actually have to be um I don't have to live my strengths I just have to decimate yours. Yeah so so ultimately can you see what happened here you just stepped into somebody else's um insecurities and accepted them as your own yeah so it's just not it's not truth do you understand?

SPEAKER_04 33:40

Yeah it's not truth it's not truth but it it's you're kind of in your mind about fitting in it's why do you want to fit in with that no you you don't but it's it's kind of fun you don't want to fit in with because I know you're not still in high school but you know you see no it really happens in adults you see it as well like if you're going out somewhere you probably ask your partner does this look all right does this look all right does this go with that you know why do you do that why do we care to even ask the question well why do you care you do it you've done it to me too for starters when I ask you to do it if this is gonna be I'm asking is this acceptable for you for you I don't care I'll go on trackies I don't give a shit mate you don't wear trackies shorts I'm wearing them right now oh you are too so ultimately I couldn't care less to be fair I couldn't care less I hope people look at me I really don't please look at me I got a friend but at the end of the day just one what yeah why do you do it um most of the time it's because wherever we're going it's something centraled around you you don't go to a lot of events around me um so a lot of the time I don't know you know is there a dress code am I over underdressed? Um that's not what you're doing it for no sometimes and sometimes it's you know does this you know it's probably something I pulled out of the closet that's been in there for a while and I probably put on weight and it's like how does this look to you because I'm looking in here and I don't like what I'm seeing.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

Then why are you asking me? If you don't like it think of uh you're I'm not the one looking at myself put it handbrake for two seconds right we're gonna go back to the whole relationship second can you all right yeah could you imagine if I said nah that I don't look good on you you've said you've said that before yeah but if I say that because I'm now entering into your insecurity yeah you your usual response is I don't care I don't give a shit you look fine you do because you do you do that's the honest truth to me you look fine I don't care like what you have to impress everybody over here yeah I couldn't give a shit about everyone else and you that's why I can wear whatever I want because I don't care about you.

SPEAKER_04 35:53

Yeah and you know and like I said the older I'm getting the I'm falling into that I don't care I just want to be comfortable I just want to be comfortable so I think I've I've gotten to a phase in my life where I now don't care.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

But not everyone's there judgment ultimately is what you're making it mean to yourself right and I'll to me uh there are always places where we can develop and grow and uh contribute to ourselves but it really comes down to who who am I at my core and what do I want to uh give to myself you know as soon as I as soon as I enter into somebody else's insecurity and take it on as my own because I think that they're going to have more digs at me then oh you you you're just playing a game you don't know the rules to yeah and then you can bury yourself in your shit happens in relationships too though because you know I've seen I've seen it with us where you might be pissed off at something and I automatically think oh what have I done how have I made him angry and it's actually got nothing to do with me.

SPEAKER_04 37:04

Um so you know that it it's a it's a tricky thing to always think like that to always go straight to the negative about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

And and this is really what it comes down to you think about how often we talk about what we don't want versus how often we talk about what we do want. Yeah we're talking about uh needs earlier the same thing right it's exactly the same thing most people will talk about what they don't want from somebody rather than what they want from somebody that works for you too you know I don't want to look a certain way okay who what do you want to do? What do you want to look like? Yeah I I want to um I don't want to fail at my job yeah but what do you want to do in your job? How do you want to contribute? You know and it's really more about who you are rather than what you do but who am I? Who am I being today? Am I being negative Nancy? Or am I am I gonna go crush it? I'm gonna be Joanne you know what I mean when I when I think about how this sort of plays out in relationships right I think I've gone over this before uh let's just say we can do our relationships in two different ways we're either going to do it avoidant or we're gonna be aggressive okay uh and we see that here even in L again people can listening can probably pick up we do which and with this world right and uh let's just say we're looking at avoidant people right most of the time avoidant people will bring 30% of energy to the relationship only 30 because they're they're avoiding themselves they're avoiding the uh the painful part of the possibility that maybe somebody might reject me right well okay yep yeah yep did you get what I mean yep right it's it's total uh maybe possibly potentially I'm not sure type stuff right yep and so it's all a lot of people can identify with that yeah so so let's just say we have two avoidant people that were actually able to uh have a relationship together right and they're only bringing 30 each knowing that in general if we were talking about relationships we'd all meet in the middle 5050 would you agree with that yep yeah everybody would bring 5050 but for for some people that are uh very avoidant why only bring 30 right because they want people to come to them to bring them to the um to the the the finish line or the 50-50 line if you like uh so if that's the case uh it's all this always works better when I do it on a whiteboard because you can see the numbers um so I'm struggling a little bit here to do it just uh verbally uh you realize people can't see your hands waving all over the place shut up mate trying to hey hey I'm gonna flow you so so you got 3030 you got two people avoidant coming together and there's a lot of space between that right there's heaps of space inside that space is where we would probably experience a lot of loneliness because nobody can express their needs to each other because they're they're too timid and unsure if I if I go and say something will they still love me yeah right living in their head a lot 100% they are right and then if we look at the other side of things and we look at the they're more aggressive. So the aggressive people will generally step over the 50 line always they always step over the 50 50 mark and they're probably bringing it 70% right now could you imagine having most people who are more aggressive are all about control. Got to control everything. Because if I don't control everything everything will fall apart and then I'm gonna have to start from scratch and it's gonna be too hard. It's gonna hurt too much. It's gonna be I have to close everything off to make sure that I've got control. Now if that's the case and we've got two aggressive people that end up dating most of the time they have mad makeup sex right because they're constantly in argument when they cross when you got both of them crossing over that 50-50 line together inside that we would see a lot of conflict heaps of conflict now if we have aggressive and avoidant people connecting bit like here the yin and the yang you could call it that the um the aggressive one would feel like they have to drag the avoidant one with them and the avoidant one would continually feel misunderstood. And so this is where uh we really have to you know nut out that constant that uh that communication between the two because it happens a lot more than people give uh credit for hardly ever do we ever meet 50-50 yeah right someone's always gonna have more I I don't want to say power but more I don't know what the word is where it's power whether it's control whether it's um direction leadership whatever it is you want to call it that works for you but there's always going to be one that has more dominance than the other and so if we don't have that communication then if we think about it going back into the judgment bit the avoidant person will always feel like they're being judged if we don't have the communication as the foundation and that's that's super important for anybody to understand that communication is so important otherwise the judgment the self-judgment and the thinking that you know how other people think of me how I think other people think of me right which is not true.

SPEAKER_04 42:47

Yep we're making it up it's a story then when we allow that to creep in that creeps into our relationships too yeah because that person's actually hurting so having those the the communication foundation is so important in that yes I I agree I also think that um that you know people thinking of me in that self-doubt there's two levels of that there's people that think like that all the time regardless of where they are in their life in their situation how long it's been they always think like that and then you've got other people that think like that for a certain time until they feel comfortable and then they know where they fit and that stops because they they feel like as soon as you're under pressure that creates they revert back yeah and that's more of a victim mentality. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

It's a little different but same but different right I mean that victim mentality um because a lot of those types of people are are going to tell you how they feel about people judging them. So you feel sorry for them to save them from the thing. Yeah. And they're kind of using you like that It's not um i they're not they're not always doing it on purpose either. Just I I know I use the victim word, but uh it's they're not always doing it on purpose. Yeah, they actually aren't aware that they're doing it, and they're stuck in that loop. Yeah, yeah, they get very, very stuck and they're very, very hard on themselves. So compassion's important. But um yeah, I think the stories we tell ourselves are just ridiculous.

SPEAKER_04 44:25

Oh, 100% are ridiculous. And like you said, like until until you realize it's not actually you, like you're playing out what's somebody else, somebody else's thoughts that are probably about themselves that you've taken on.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

That you think that they think you don't actually know.

SPEAKER_04 44:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

For me, like I for me, I like I don't mind conflict. I I'm really good with conflict, right?

SPEAKER_04 44:50

You are really good with conflict. It gives me the shits because sometimes I just want to have an argument and rant, and it's like, come on, man.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

Like, yeah. I think um personally uh I'd rather burst the bubble and I'd rather know. Because I I don't like working on on bullshit stories. I'd rather the truth from hearing it directly from the person rather than um rather than just making it up myself. Yeah. I can't work with that.

SPEAKER_04 45:22

You're right. And I think it makes it a lot easier if we knew that, but at the same time, I think people are scared of the truth because then you're saying you're hearing it. You're hearing straight from the source that, man, I don't like you. I think you're a cockhead. And you know, thanks. No. Oh, yeah, okay. Um, but you know, it's you know, a lot of people can't deal with that. I don't know if it's if it's rejection or you know, um the feeling of someone not actually liking you. I'd rather not hear that directly.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

I'd rather.

SPEAKER_04 45:54

No, I'm not saying I actually think it's probably better because you know where you stand.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_04 45:58

And you know where you can put your energies and you don't have to continue with trying to have a relationship with someone that just thinks that you're ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

But they're they they're doing it anyway.

SPEAKER_04 46:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:05

Right. Um, but they they're showing it to you in their body language and their communication to you anyway.

SPEAKER_04 46:10

That's true, or their avoidance.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

Yeah, so it's okay. You know, we don't all have to like each other. We don't.

SPEAKER_04 46:16

Yeah. It's okay. Yep. I have these conversations with people at work, you know. We're here to do a job. You need to be professional, but you don't have to be friends. Be professional, get the job done and move on.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Yeah, respectful of each other's uh feelings and all that sort of stuff, but ultimately, um I don't know. I'm actually okay with not being everybody's friend. Yeah. Uh uh I'm okay with that. Uh that's which is why I like the pistol bubble. If I want to know something, I'll I'll just pick up the phone, I'll I'll call. Hey, I feel like this is everything okay.

SPEAKER_03 46:49

That's why sometimes I like channeling you, because you're really good at that, but I'm not you.

SPEAKER_00 46:54

No, find your own way of doing it. Yeah, for sure. Um, and it is individualized.

SPEAKER_04 47:00

Um so how do we put that into a toolkit?

SPEAKER_00 47:03

Yeah, we kind of went over a lot of this stuff, but um truth. Truth is important. Uh how do I know what others think of me? Yeah. How do I know? I don't, I never will. They won't always tell me the truth anyway. So does it matter? Only thing that matters is what I make it mean. That's it.

SPEAKER_04 47:24

So if you if you're seeking the truth and you ask someone point blankly a question, and they essentially came back and essentially told you exactly what they think, and it's all the negative, how do you then take that? You now know the truth.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

Yep. And it was all negative.

SPEAKER_04 47:39

It was all negative.

SPEAKER_00 47:40

That's okay. Oh uh it's okay. Totally okay. What why do we need to push back at it? Yep. If that's how they feel, that's how they feel. We can also give them an opportunity for a place where we can uh restore the relationship and have a conversation around, okay. Well, okay, I appreciate what you're saying there, no problems. Is there a way we can ri restore this? And if they say, I don't know, that's okay. Hey, you know what? Maybe we'll touch base with this later on when we both had time to think about it. It's okay. Um, I'm okay with not being everyone's friend. I hope that everybody else understands that too. You don't have to be everyone's friend, but we don't have to throw shit at them either. Yeah, and that's important.

SPEAKER_04 48:23

That's important.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

Because if we could if we keep throwing shit at them because we don't like them, then what what generally happens is that's shit generally turns the other way. Yeah. And then it gets thrown at us. And it's it's not helpful. So uh yeah, I would dump that as quick as I could. Um the other thing is uh the story we tell ourselves, how do I want it? Right? What what story do I want to live? Replace your story with the story I want to live. Um if I want to be good at public speaking, who do I need to tap into to help me down? Right? Uh sometimes the skill set, it's not always uh fluent and I can just go and do it. Sometimes I need skills, so go and learn them.

SPEAKER_04 49:13

Yeah, it's really interesting that you say that. I mean, who can I learn off? I I've spoken to people that I think are quite good at public speaking when I ask them, they're like, I fucking hate doing it as well. But this is what I found works for me. Yep. I'm like, oh, it's really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 49:25

Yep. Nothing more than that.

SPEAKER_04 49:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

Um, the next thing I would say is um rather than thinking about what you think everybody else thinks of you, right? Um what is it you think of yourself? Because ultimately what you think of yourself will be reflected externally. And uh we we see this a little bit with bullies, huh? Uh it's not always the bullies' fault. I know that sounds like that. I know that sounds really shit. Yes, we don't want them to treat people poorly, yes. Uh however, let's just say I've got a young kid who is bullying other kids. Okay. They're the perpetrator, yes, they are. I'm not saying they're not, they are. What I am saying is, is they're they're most likely are experiencing some uh trauma or an unstable home, it's an unstable environment, lack of boundaries, a whole bunch of things, right? But they then see somebody else that they can dominate over.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

Yeah, so it gives them something under control.

SPEAKER_00 50:34

Yeah, so then they go and dominate, right? Now, the victim, a lot of the time, will then go into their shell and become very avoidant and become very um uh uh depressive a lot of the time. Nobody likes me, everyone hates me, and I'm gonna go eat some worms type stuff. And the the thinking around it is what they think that the bully thinks. It's not necessarily about what they think of themselves, it becomes replaced. And so instead of going in there and saying, Okay, well, yes, this dickhead just went and did this thing to me, right? Who do I want to be? And a lot of the time when they flick over that switch and go, okay, well, this is who I want to be, then the victim doesn't become a victim anymore. They don't get picked on anymore. The bully doesn't even see them, right? And and this is a big key thing, and I know probably haven't explained it really well, but it's a big key thing here to understand what I think of myself, I will see externally. So if I think that I'm some type of superstar um uh at my job, then I probably will be, and I'll be viewed that way. If I think that um uh I'm a really great problem solver, I'll probably be viewed that way. If I think that, you know, I'm just a shiplake, nobody will like me, that's how people will view me. So it's really important for people to understand that what you think other people think of you isn't the truth, and what is way more powerful is what you think of you. I know I really went around that, didn't I?

SPEAKER_03 52:16

No, that's all right. I think I yeah, I think I understood that.

SPEAKER_00 52:19

I hope other people understand that. Um the other thing that we we need to understand is what is my motivation? Um, why do you feel that uh what others think of you is way more important than what you think of you? Yeah, what's my motivation for thinking that?

SPEAKER_04 52:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:38

Yeah, uh, because it might be just an idea that keeps you stuck where you are on purpose, but you don't know it. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_04 52:48

Yeah, it certainly does. And and like I said, you know, it took me a really long time, but I'm I'm past certain things. Um, and I don't know if it was an age thing or experience thing or whatever it was, but um there was a point in my life where what others thought was more important, and now it's like I don't really care.

SPEAKER_00 53:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:07

So I just get there.

SPEAKER_00 53:10

Have you noticed that when when you when you get to that point, your friendship group is a little smaller, yeah, and they kind of match who you are, and that's the important bit because what you're starting to think of yourself uh eliminates a whole lot of people. That's okay, man. Um because the people that uh are more like me, I will be more connected to, yeah, and it'll be a deeper way. Um, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, personally. Um, the last thing I've got here is who do I want to become versus living up to perspectives I think other people have of me. So I would say personally, living up to your own expectations and your own perspectives of yourself are way more powerful and way more successful than living up to something that you think other people want you to be. I went through a serious time with that, um, that killed me for a little while. Uh, where I was trying to live up to expectations I thought other people had of me. Yeah. And it uh drove me into the ground. Um talking about identity crisis, that fucked me. Um, for a little while there, and I'm like, and I was literally wobbly on my feet, I didn't know what to do. Um, and when I was able to get through the other side of that, uh, then I could then I didn't really worry so much about it, what other people think because it was really about well, who do I want to be?

SPEAKER_04 54:36

Yeah. And you find that with um kids coming out of school and going into uni into into courses that either their parents want them to do or what they thought they would want to do, and it actually doesn't mesh with who they are. Um, or you know, and so it's I think it's really important that anyone can go through this at any time, and but it's what they do with it. Because if you continue to do that, you end up hating your life.

SPEAKER_01 55:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:02

And then you really feel stuck. What the fuck do I do? I don't even know who I am.

SPEAKER_00 55:06

Yeah, yeah. Because we tie up what we do into who we are. Yeah. You know, instead of looking at them two separate things. Um, there are some roles where you probably can't do that. Um I think I would say anything people facing is a little bit more like I gotta express who I am as well as what I do. But yeah, yeah, for a lot of time, no, you can do it differently. Um, you can separate them. Uh yeah, so that that's what I would say. Um for me, if you don't, I know there are a lot of people out there that say I don't give a fuck what other people think. Well, you know what? Your behavior says very different. Um but I would say uh who is it that you want to be? Uh be kind to you. How do I be kind to me? Well, just speak to myself the way I want other people to speak to me.

SPEAKER_03 56:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

And a lot of the time we don't. They don't match. We're actually quite harsh on ourselves. So um, yeah, that's that's what I got for that. That's what we got.

SPEAKER_04 56:10

All right, thanks, Luki. All right, let's move on to um one achievement and one goal.

SPEAKER_01 56:17

Holy moly.

SPEAKER_04 56:18

Now, last week um we had our being human episode, so we didn't actually set any goals. Um, which is which is fine. Um, but can you think of an achievement that you had this week?

SPEAKER_00 56:29

Oh, an achievement I had this week. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 56:34

This is the most unprepared segment every week.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

It is, it is, because I'm thinking about all the other stuff. Yeah, because I normally think about all the other stuff more. I I would say, um, I don't know if I have an achievement that I would share, that I can share. I would say I have um a goal. This week I'm I'm doing a a course. Um it's quite full-on course, and you know, I've done a fair bit of study up to this point, but you don't know how well you're going to you're being assessed, right? And um yeah, I'm a bit nervous about it. Uh because you mean you know me, Joe. I don't want to be shit at anything I do.

SPEAKER_04 57:19

No.

SPEAKER_00 57:20

I hate being shit.

SPEAKER_04 57:21

And I remember when we first started this course, you're like, I don't know how I'm gonna go because it talks a lot about the body, there's a lot of medical stuff and knowledge and terminology that you have to retain. And right now you talk about shit that I've got no idea what you're even talking about. So it seems like you've got lingo. Um, but I know you've got this.

SPEAKER_00 57:38

Yeah, I'll I I'll work it out. Uh for me, I've got I I guess I've got the courage to fuck it up. That's the idea, right? I mean, uh, I've got the courage to fuck it up.

SPEAKER_04 57:48

So you don't care what other people think of you.

SPEAKER_00 57:50

Yeah, I I care what I think of me. Yes. That's the problem, right? Yes. And if I think I'm doing shit, then I I'm gonna kick my ass, right?

SPEAKER_04 57:57

So and everyone around here can tell. 100% they can.

SPEAKER_00 58:01

So uh I yeah, I do have achievements this week, but I can't necessarily um share them uh for privacy reasons. But I would say um uh yeah, that would be my goal is to get through the next eight days of or seven days, eight days, whatever it is, of this course and uh smash it. Yeah. To be honest.

SPEAKER_04 58:23

Yeah, it's gonna be a long week for you.

SPEAKER_00 58:24

It will be. It will be.

SPEAKER_04 58:26

Yep. Hopefully, when we come back to um recording, we'll be able to share some of those things quickly.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

Fingers crossed. Yeah, what about you, Joe?

SPEAKER_04 58:36

Um, so an achievement for me would be that I actually went and visited a family member that I had some conflict with. Um did you? Yep. Oh. You don't even know. I went and visited them, and I had no idea what kind of reception I would receive. And it wasn't as bad as I thought. Once again, coming back to what do other people think of me?

SPEAKER_00 59:01

Yeah, yeah, nice one.

SPEAKER_04 59:02

So it was actually really interesting. So it was some pretty big complex, pretty big family dramas that we are not going to um at all. Um, but um, it wasn't as bad as what I thought it would be.

SPEAKER_00 59:15

That's cool.

SPEAKER_04 59:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:16

Good.

SPEAKER_04 59:16

I thought it was a massive achievement. We had a lot of courage to even go there.

SPEAKER_00 59:20

Do you think you could share that with me when we get a chance? That'd be right.

SPEAKER_04 59:24

I hardly see you. It's like we live in the same house. Fuck. Just carving out time to do these recordings is hard enough.

SPEAKER_00 59:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:31

Yeah. Um, a goal this week. Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

You you had a crack of me about being unprepared, didn't you?

SPEAKER_04 59:38

I know, I haven't achieved though.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

Well, winning.

SPEAKER_01 59:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:42

Halfway there. Our goal. Um, so because you are not going to be here this week, it's it's gonna be a challenging week. Um, so uh uh I've kind of used it before not to lose my shit, but um poor Patrick. Um I've got a lot of moving and balancing parts, obviously, with school holidays. Um you're not around to help out, and the family members that have been helping out over school holidays aren't really available, but there's some things that I need to go on site for work with, and so a goal for me is to actually meet those obligations while balancing school holidays. So you will, yeah. I'm not quite sure at the moment of how.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:29

That's not the problem. The problem's not the how. Yeah. The problem is just where do I start? Yeah. Right. We get stuck in how. Yeah. That's a whole different conversation.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:39

How yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:42

Yeah, it's it's it doesn't seem like a massive goal, but it's yeah, putting some thought into it, how how it's going to be achieved.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:49

How it's going to be structured, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:51

For sure. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:52

And not yelling at the kids and getting them to where they need to be and not embarrassing in front of work people, because then they might be an you know, they might have to attend work with me to achieve it. But the MB state that is the very last thing I want. Um, but we'll see.

unknown 1:01:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

Hello.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:12

Goodbye. Yeah, thanks. I I I don't understand how single parents do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:19

Uh, me neither, mate.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:20

How they juggle their responsibilities. It's like I struggle when you're not around, and I know you struggle when I'm not around. And and maybe that's just because we're used to having the other person, and single parents don't really have the options. So they they get used to that. And I'm sure with a lot of it's being prepared and organized, and time management's a really big thing, but I don't know how they do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:36

No, me neither. Hats off to all of them. Hats off to single parents, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:40

Yeah. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:42

Yeah. Well, that's us for today. Thank you, Joanne. Thanks, Luke. Um, hopefully everybody got something out of there. Just remember, uh, just share. Like and subscribe if you like. Yep. Like and share.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:56

And from our refined feedback, I mean, look, we we have been getting feedback, which is great, and we'll incorporate um some topics um into from the feedback that we receive. So, you know, if there's anything in particular that you want us to discuss, um, a lot of people can actually identify with these topics, and that's that's the whole point. Um, so you know, if there's something that you want to discuss or something on your mind, even if you're telling us that we're shitting completely off math, that's fine as well. That will go against Luke's feedback, not mine. Um, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:23

Yep, lifespum spruises at gmail.com. That's where you can find us, or you can hit us up on our social media. Um, but please reach out, even if you've got a topic that you want us to discuss, um, we want to hear from you. Um, any feedback is good feedback for us. So thank you guys so much. Thank you, Joe.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:41

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:42

Uh, and uh see you when I'm looking at you. See you when I'm looking at you. Get around it. All right. Take care, guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:48

Bye.