Introducing Unapologetically Imperfect

Intro

- who I am

- why this podcast 

- things I wanna share:

    - personal life story covering topics such as being an only child, mental health/illness battles, bullying, living under the clouds of tradition, life lessons. 

I want this podcast to encourage others and help them feel they are not alone. I am hoping that my experiences will help and encourage. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hey going. Welcome to the inaugural episode of Unapologetically Imperfect. This is a podcast that I've had on my heart for a while and I've finally got the guts to do it. So yeah, here we go. So I'm Cheryl. I'm 42 years old. I live in the Lower Blue Mountains of New South Wales, Australia. Been living up here all my life. Absolutely love it up here. It's gorgeous. We've got Bush. It's not too far to the city. Really makes a big difference. So yeah, that's where I live. In 42 years, I've experienced quite a fair bit in life. And there's stuff that isn't talked about or stuff that I feel people just they're going through it as well, or they've been through it, and they don't know how to heal, they don't know how to move on. Some people just need some encouragement, hey. Like just genuinely encouragement. What I want to do, my aim of this podcast, is to share with you all what I've learned through my journey so far and what I continue to learn in my books. You don't stop learning until you die. So we're learning something every day. And I want to be able to share what I've learned from my experiences. And I'm hoping that that will resonate with some people. It will encourage people and it will help make people see that they're not alone. I'm absolutely no expert. Okay. Um, I do see a psychologist and I see a psychiatrist for my own mental health. Um, it's not weak to need help, and I've needed some help over the years, and I still do, but I'm not an expert. All right. Everything I say in this is purely, it's either personal research or personal experience. So please don't quote me on things if you know it may not be true. It's my personal experience, it's what I have been through, it's from my perspective. Okay. So as I said, I'm Shell, I'm 42 years old, and I live in the lower blue mountains. I'm an only child, so it has its pros and its cons, but I am an only child. No siblings, nothing like that. I have some cousins that I still see. Um where I think my youngest one's nine years younger than me. So yeah, we get together occasionally as a family, but um, I'm an only child, and this was made a lot harder to some degree because I also come from a broken home. Um, I come from a home where there was a lot of yelling and screaming and even a bit of domestic abuse. Um and yeah, it was quite lonely growing up. Um, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely, and that's actually an episode I want to touch on later on. But yeah, so I come from broken home um all the way through school, right from preschool, right up to high school. I was bullied, um, mostly because of my weight. Um, I'm not an out there kind of girl. I I don't do makeup. Um, I I literally am, as you see me, this is me. Um, my jeans, my t-shirt. You'll usually find me with my sunglasses. I have a permanent sunglasses tan. But I'm very plain. Uh I'm very simple in the sense of I don't do fancy that well, right? Um, does that detract with who I am? No, not at all. I am mostly happy being me. Um, and it's served me well for 42 years, besides, you know, had crap thrown at me and bullies and all that sort of stuff. But there's just so much passion for sharing, and I want to be able to do that. Um, so yeah, so I grew up as bullied a lot, um, and this had quite significant impacts, um, including attempted suicides um when I was about 10, 11. Uh, so yeah, pretty nasty stuff. Um, I've grown up in, despite being a broken family, it was a traditional family. So we did have all the traditional values, you know. We went to church pretty much every Sunday. Um, and that was a part of my life I enjoyed. Um, I got to see people. Um, I'd go and get to go to other people's houses, but no one was ever allowed to come to ours because, you know, my dad was like, Well, I don't want to look after you. Why would I look after anyone else's kids? So, yeah, pretty pretty hard stuff. Um, but yeah, grew up in a traditional family, and uh I've always lived under the cloud of I don't want to disappoint. Um, I am a people fleaser, unfortunately. Um, it's one of my downfalls. Uh, I guess it's a good thing, but it is a downfall. Um, but I didn't want to disappoint, and um it's only now that I'm finally comfortable starting to live out my true identity and who I am and what I am. Um, and there's some daily struggles that come with that, and I can't lie, it's it's a journey. I'm still on it. Um, I've done a lot of healing over the years, but there's still more to go. Um, it's like when you think you've reached the the end of it, something else comes, a smack, and you it happens, right? So I've still got stuff to work through. I'm far from perfect. Um, you know, my family has always been um a key part of my life, more my extended family. I grew up more with my grandparents, um, who both now passed on, unfortunately. Um, but my school holidays were spent mostly up at their place or down at the caravan at their place. Um and yeah, I had quite an interesting, quite an interesting growing up, um, even up into adulthood. Like I said, traditional family, traditional values. Um, not wanting to disappoint people, um, always going out of my way to try and make sure I didn't. So yeah, um, obviously something I I would like to explore a little bit further on in this journey of the podcast. And um, yeah, like I'm not doing this for monetary value, I'm not doing it for recognition or anything. I want people to be able to resonate with someone real. Um, and honestly, I'm real, 100%. Hello, uh, wrinkles, you know, old age, I'm real. Um, like I said, I'm definitely no expert. My only degree is my teaching degree. Um, you know, I've worked at camps for kids and teenagers who are in foster care and um, you know, they're under docs and stuff like that, or DCJ, whatever it is these days, but and I've taught in some pretty interesting places, like challenging places. Interesting, but challenging. Um, and continue to do so um because everyone just needs that little bit of love. And I just feel that hopefully what I have to share is open and honest enough that honestly it can just encourage someone. Um, like I said earlier, there's a really big difference between being alone and being lonely. Um, I've spent most of my life alone, believe it or not. I spend a lot of time alone, and I really don't enjoy it. But loneliness, and for me, comes with something else, which again is another episode later. But loneliness is entrenched, it is so deep, and the yearning of just wanting someone to just notice you and just wanting you to spend time with them. Um yeah, I I just want to encourage people. It's it's certainly a challenge, and I've survived so far. I have no intention of going anywhere anytime soon. Um I want my story just to encourage. It's not a oh woe is me. It's not a pity party, it's a hopefully you can learn something from either my mistakes or just from what I've learned that can encourage you and spur you on. Um, so yeah. Why the name unapologetically imperfect? Well, one of my tattoos says perfectly imperfect, which is great. Um, but it's a common quote that's thrown around a lot. I'm getting to the point now where I actually don't want to apologize for who I am. I don't want to apologize for being too generous. I don't want to apologize for caring too much. Like, life's too short. It's 42 years that I've spent trying to please, trying to be generous. I don't want to do that anymore. But I'm far from perfect. So unapologetically imperfect for me, it's about, hey, guess what? We can be real, we can actually just be us, completely be ourselves, and not have to stress about things as much as we do. I mean, it's human nature, right? We all do it, but I don't want to be stressing like that anymore. I I just want to be me. And I just want to be wholly me. I don't want to be, you know, living under this cloud of, oh, I can't do that, or I shouldn't be doing that. That's not proper. I just want to be unapologetically me. You take me as I am, or you don't take me at all, basically. Um, what you say at face value is pretty much what you get. Um, so yeah, I I've done apologizing for being me. And I can't take on an apology for things that are outside my control. Um, again, a lot of my story when I was growing up was I used to blame myself for my parents and for everything that was going on. I blame myself for being bullied by others. Um yeah, like I would apologize for things that I didn't do. Like you bump into me in the supermarket and I'll be like, oh, sorry. Why? You know, I get told quite often I apologize too much, and usually for no reason. So I don't want to take on responsibility for things I'm not actually responsible for. Um, and they're outside of my control. I'll always take responsibility for my own actions, and I will apologize for my own actions, but why should I keep apologizing for others? And just because I don't fit a mold or I don't fit an expectation. Um, so yeah, but honestly, if there's one thing that these last few years have taught me, it's completely okay not to be perfect. In fact, it's actually better to not be perfect. Um, not so much now, but when I was growing up back in the back in my day, back in the 90s and early 2000s, you know, to be successful in life, you had to be skinny, you had to be a model, you know, all of this sort of stuff. Um I'm far from all of that, but I do feel that I am relatively successful in my life. I am still here to tell the story, which um is obviously a really big thing because if I wasn't here, I wouldn't be successful, right? Um so yeah, I'm happy being imperfect, and in fact, I love imperfect people. There's nothing more upsetting than someone who tries to be perfect at everything. Um, because it's not being real. And I'm sorry if that's you, no offense, but I'm not into fake, I'm not into plastic enhancements of the body or anything like that. I'm real. I fall over, I hurt myself, I cut my skin, I'm gonna bleed. Same as everyone else. And it's completely perfect that way. Um I'm actually happy being who I am, um, and continuing to discover that journey of who I am. Um there's a lot, there's a lot to unpack, and I'm really excited just to see where this goes. Um you know, I I really hope that people take encouragement that you know what, you don't actually have to be perfect, you don't have to try and you know do things that aren't what you want to do. Like, don't do things just to please people because in the end you're just gonna become miserable. And um, yeah, that's definitely a challenge and one that I think more of us need to think about, basically. So yeah. So unapologetically imperfect. Um, as I said, the inaugural episode, not planning on making anything out of it, just I just want to encourage others. Um, anyone who's known me for a while knows I really am a big encourager. And sorry, I've just got things falling down here. And yeah, I I want to make a difference in the world, but I generally don't know how to do it. Um unfortunately I've never left Australia as much as I would really, really like to, um, just for travel. Um, but yeah, I haven't had the opportunity yet. I also apparently need a passport to leave the country, so kind of stuck here for a bit longer. Um, but you know what? That's okay too. Yes, okay, I may not be as well traveled as others, but that's my journey, that's my story. Um, a common quote when I was a teenager was just run your race, don't run anyone else's. And I think I'm finally starting to understand that fully. I I can't be running anyone else's race anymore. I have to run my race. And to be honest, that's fine. My race is my race. No one else can run it for me. I can't run anyone else's. I can't fix everything in the world. There's so many things I wish I could fix, but I can't. I just have to accept it and go, I can only do what I can do. So, yeah. So that's a little bit of background as to why I wanted to do this podcast. Um, I absolutely hate being in front of the camera. Um, I am a photographer, but I hate being in front of the camera. So this is really extending myself, it's really pushing um my personal limits. Um, but you know what? Being vulnerable is not a bad thing. It's actually a quality that some people need to use more. So here I am being vulnerable. So there you go. Um, so what are some of the things that I would like to cover during my podcast? Um, so in future episodes, I would like to discuss about my mental health, my journey with my mental health and my mental illnesses, um, how this has affected me in my daily life, how I deal with it now, um, some of the implications, what I've learned. Um, I was diagnosed with two fairly decent mental illnesses only two, three years ago. Um, things that have triggered my mental illness over time and what what I can do to extend on that. Um, I don't want it to be a, you know, oh, whoe is me. Like, that's not that at all. I I purely want this just to reach out and touch other people. Um that's my goal. That's simply my goal. Um, so yeah, so I want to talk about my mental health and my mental illnesses. Um, not in a boring kind of way, but like I said, just what I've learned and how I've learned to deal with things and especially being diagnosed with my two bigger ones more recently, um, how that's affected me, um, both positive and negative, because there are positives to having a diagnosis. Um, you know, I'm not one for labels, and there's a time and place for medication as well, but in this case, a label and some medication has actually really helped me. So I'd like to share my journey with that. Um, I'd like to delve a little bit more into my broken home. Um, growing up as an only child, just yeah, a bit more in-depth in that. Um, kind of want this podcast to just be like sitting on the lounge having a chat with a really good friend. Um, hopefully, in time, maybe I can even get some people on to come and have a chat with me as well. But hey, I'm just starting out. So, yeah, this is where we're at so far. Um I really want to explore the living in the traps of tradition or grasps of tradition, um, and how that has now shaped me into who I am today. And just encourage others that just because tradition's there doesn't mean you can you have to live by it, basically. Um, you can break free. So, yeah, I want to do that. I'll talk more about my bullying and my weight. Um, I've experienced a lot of trauma in my life as well. Um, and I'm not measuring mine against anyone else's. I know there are some horrific stories out there, but again, my personal story, my personal um thing. Talking about some of the traumas I've experienced and how it's not just a thing that you can get over. Um, trauma's real, and trauma has a massive impact on the brain and how the brain functions. So, yeah, I'd like to explore that. Um, I also want to look at the importance of quality people over a quantity. Uh, when I was growing up as a teenager, I had a butt ton of friends, um, youth leaders, everything. Like I was out seven days a week, seven nights a week, socializing and stuff. But as I've gotten older, I've realized the importance of just those genuine friendships. Um, and guess what? It's okay. You don't need to have, you know, half of Sydney as your friends anymore. You actually can just have those few, those few that care, those few that make a difference. So yeah. Um, another episode I'd like to look at is Torn Between Two Worlds. Um, it kind of again touches on the tradition, but it's my journey. Um, and that one's gonna be quite a challenging episode for me to do. Um, but yeah, it's something I want to do, it's something I feel passionate about doing and just sharing my dreams, aspirations, and regrets. They've changed over time, um, to the point where some days I don't even know what my dreams are anymore. And I think many of us go through that and we feel that. So yeah, I just want to do something along those lines. Um things that ground us. Uh so for me, I find water just being near the water or even jumping on public transport, heading out to Sydney, and going across to Manley on the ferry, um, just being out on the water as well. It's just recent us, it just re reinvigorates me, basically. So things like that, finding things you love. Um, I think in it in today's world, we're glued to our phones, we're glued to our screens. And I think it's really important that we actually re-con rekindle our passion for things that we love and enjoy and get out there and do it. Hey, life's too short. Um, I also want to discuss the option of feeling like a fraud. Um, again, ties in with mental health, but fits in with so many um aspects of my life. Um, you know, I definitely want to touch on being lonely versus alone and how that impacts us as humans. Um, I want to explain and delve into why little things frustrate me. Um, and that will become more relevant with talking about my mental illnesses and stuff as well. But I don't know, maybe there's someone else out there who gets it. You know, it's just things build up, build up, build up, and then all of a sudden you just explode, but then you just feel absolutely horrible. Um, so yeah, so why little things upset me. Um, I want to talk about people pleasing and the detriment that that can cause. Um, sometimes what we hear is not what's actually said. I want to touch on that and learn or learn more about that myself as well. That how I hear things is actually not always what someone has said. Um, so I really want to work on that one and bring an episode on that. And I'd like to talk about perceptions, just our perceptions of each other, the perceptions of what people think of us without knowing us. So there's a whole heap. Um, there's a lot more in there, obviously. That's just a few ideas that I've come up with that I would really feel honored to be able to share with you guys out there in podcast world. Um, yeah, like I said, I'm I'm no expert. Everything is from my own personal experience. Um, you know, going through the craziness that I went through as a kid, um, which also included the death of someone very, very close to me at a very young age. Um, just yeah, I just want to encourage people. Um, I want people to know you're not alone. And at times in this world, you really can feel alone. So I really hope that you stick around. Um, like I said, I'm not doing this for a monetary value or anything. I just want to encourage and just bring a bit of light to some people. Um, we live in a crazy world, we live in a very hectic world, very digital orientated, which is kind of Ironic giving I'm doing a podcast which is digital, but I I just want people to feel you know it's a safe space for them to listen. Um, it's a safe space that you know they're not alone. You know, we're not alone. And sometimes it's really hard to hear that. It is really, really hard, and it's hard to accept. So yeah, that's pretty much this episode done. Um, thank you if you've stuck in this long. I appreciate you. Um if you're keen, I'd love for you to hit like and feel free to subscribe as well. Um, my plan is to do this once a week. Um, so do a new episode each week and just go from there. But yeah, look, thank you for tuning in if you're still here to Unapologetically Imperfect. And I hope this is the start of an awesome journey and some beautiful encouragement for you because you know what? You're worth it, you're valued, and you're definitely not alone in all this. So thanks for being here. Have a fantastic day, and I'll catch up with you later. See ya.