Episode 3: How do you measure?

In today's episode, I look at how we measure ourselves against others and share my own realisation that I don't need to measure up to anyone else - only me. I hope this episode brings you encouragement and spurs you on in your journey to becoming Unapologetically Imperfect.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome back for episode three of Unapologetically Imperfect. I would like to begin by acknowledging the Dark people, the traditional custodians of the land on which this podcast is recorded. I would like to pay respect to Elders Past, Present, and Emerging, and extend that respect to any First Nations people watching or listening today. Good morning. Episode three, here we go. Today's episode, I want to talk to you about measuring. And I don't mean just the maths kind. I mean measuring, as in in our lives. I'm pretty sure we've all heard the saying, how long's a piece of string, right? It's a rhetorical phrase that implies that it's an infinite ending. And in our everyday lives, we are forever measuring things, whether it's our groceries, the cost of fuel, which, if you live in Australia at the moment, is pretty high, how much money we have, how many things do I have to get through to get through my day? But probably the biggest thing that we actually measure in our life is ourselves. Now, things like fuel prices and groceries, you can compare that, right? You can go to Woolworths or Coles or IGA and check the different prices. But what are we measuring ourselves to? What are we measuring ourselves against? More often than not, we measure ourself by our identity, our appearance, and our actions. But we generally compare those to others and we measure it against someone else. We look at pop culture, we look at celebrities, we look at the media in all its varying forms. Things that are forever changing. And guess what? They're actually not sustainable. Because we can't measure up to those sorts of things. They are the how long is a piece of string. I've been watching MAFs lately, yes, guilty pleasure watching maths. But there's a girl on there, or was on there, it's just finished, who I don't even know how much of her was real. She had fake lips, fake implants, the whole works, right? If I tried to live up to that, there is no way I could do it. Right. We can't sustain measuring ourselves against anyone else. Does that mean we don't aspire to be like people? No, not at all. Let me explain a little bit further. For most of my life, I have tried to measure up to everyone else. One way or another, I've tried to be better or do something because I wanted to fit in. I wanted that acceptance. Growing up, I didn't feel like I was good enough. Sometimes I did, but very rarely, if ever. All right. And I didn't feel like I measured up to anyone's expectations in my life. I wasn't popular as a kid. I was far from it. I definitely wasn't sporty. I enjoyed playing sport, but I wasn't your athletic-y, out there all the time sporty person. And I definitely wasn't pretty, in my opinion, by any means. In fact, I've pretty much looked like this my entire life. I was also kind of a nerd. I liked reading. I used to go home and practice my handwriting. I love English. But I wanted to fit in and I wanted that acceptance. So I would regularly compare myself to everyone else. What were they doing? What were they wearing? I would follow the crowd and do what everyone else did. Just to be accepted and to fit in. Now, don't get me wrong, I still made my own decisions about things, right? I still had a brain. I wasn't a robot. But I did what I thought I needed to do to fit in and to measure up to everyone else in their in my search for acceptance. Fairly certain at some point we can all relate to this feeling. Like honestly, we all measure ourselves and our achievements to others. And sometimes it's warranted. But the detriment that this can cause long term, it's huge. One of my really good friends, Jeanette, shout out Jen, she always says, be yourself, because everyone else has taken. This is a phrase which, up until probably 12 months ago, I thought was a pretty simple quote and pretty obvious. Like, of course I'm going to be me. Who else would I be? And I always thought I was being myself, right? I was doing things I liked, dressing the way I was comfortable, and I believed I was being, well, me. But something I've really come to understand, and this is just about the insane workings of my brain, but I've always tried to measure up to what others expect of me, or at least what I've perceived others have expected of me. Translation of that. I was subconsciously doing things to ensure that I was accepted and liked, even if it meant not being true to my genuine self. I remember as a little kid, I'm not really a fan of dresses. All right. And one of my grandmothers insisted that I always wear dresses. And I had one that I liked. And it was kind of like a black t-shirt kind of thing on top with like a flowery skirt. Yes, for those who know me, I used to wear flowers. Anyway, she didn't like that dress because it was black, and young girls shouldn't wear black. So as much as I did like that dress, I had to get rid of it. I was measuring up to what I was expected to measure up to. It wasn't fun. It wasn't fun at all. I wasn't being my genuine self. But as a kid, we are taught to respect our elders. So to go with the flow. It wasn't uncommon for me to find myself staying quiet and not speaking up if something didn't seem right. Or even in school, if I didn't understand something. I remember one of my good friends as a teenager, she was older than me, and we used to hang out quite a lot. And she had a smaller body size than I would. And we'd go shopping and she'd make comments about the larger sizes of clothes. These comments would hurt. Even though I know they weren't meant to, they would hurt. But guess what? I didn't pull her up on it. I stayed quiet. I didn't want to rock the boat because I craved acceptance. I was measuring up to someone else's expectation of me. This is something now that I've realized I was really, really dumb. And to a degree, probably to a large degree, it's been really detrimental of me being really me. In the past 12 months, I have accepted and actually realized that I'm fine just the way I am. I don't need to measure up to other people's expectations, whether imaginary or real. And by constantly measuring myself against others, I'm not actually growing. But I'm human. And I still have to have something to measure up to to be successful in life, right? But what? If I'm not going to measure up to other people's expectations or the media or anything like that, what am I going to measure up to? What am I going to compare myself to? I honestly have learned that the only person I need to measure up to is me. I don't need to look at others to gauge my measurements or my acceptance. And don't get me wrong, this is a massive work in progress because this is something that's been ingrained to me most of my life, right? It's it's not a quick fix. But I need to look a little closer to home for my measurement gauge. I need to look to me. Mr. Luke, a teacher from South Australia, he's a children's book author and an influence on social media. Shout out, Mr. Luke. He posted at the beginning of the year that he doesn't do new years resolutions, he does a list of lists. This got me intrigued. So I watched his little video and I became inspired. So rather than like a new year's resolution of right, this year I'm gonna go skydiving or whatever, he has a list of lists. And some of his ideas of what he included were what did I achieve in 2025? What do I want to achieve in 2026? What do I want to do more of? What do I want to do less of? These are all really, really practical things. It got me thinking. I will make lists to help me memorize things. I will make lists to make sure I get things done that I have to get done on deadlines. That's how my brain works. I'm not saying they're for everyone, but it's for me. So I created my list of lists for 2026. And you know what the best part about all of these lists are? They're acting as my measuring stick for me. I can see growth from last year. I can see the progress I'm making each and every day, no matter how big or how small it might be. The only person I'm comparing me to is now me. Like I said, that doesn't mean I don't still admire others' achievements or successes. But I don't have to strive to be them. Not at all. I can admire, but without changing me to meet the measurement of their success. I just need to meet my measurement. I'm kind of my own meter ruler. Or in this case, my own piece of string. As we get older, we start to understand that we don't really care what others think. I still do. Again, that's how I'm wired. But not to the extent that I used to. Like I said, it's been ingrained in me for nearly 40 years. So it's a hard habit to break. But it is time to break the cycle. It's time to burn the script and rewrite the narrative. I don't need to measure myself up against anyone else anymore. Only me. And this will look different on any given day. Or sometimes it can look different in an hour or even a minute. It just depends on what life throws. I want to measure myself by looking at the progress I'm making each and every day. Am I a better version of myself today than I was yesterday? What were my wins for today? What's something that didn't go to plan that I could build for tomorrow? My list of lists is kind of crazy, but I feel I want to share them with you. Bear with me for a sec. So my lists of lists. What do I want to achieve this year? What do I want to do more of? What do I want to do less of? What do I need to get over? Things that are holding me back. What makes me happy? What makes me sad? What are some yearly non-negotiables? What are things I would like, but I don't necessarily need? What are my personal values? What did I achieve in 2025? That's just some of my lists. And to be honest, I've started. I have started going through them. And I thought I haven't really done much for the last couple of years. I've been a little bit stagnant. But the reality is, when I look at my own measurements, I've grown. Some days I don't feel like I have, but I really, really have. And at this point now, I'm committed to becoming the best version of me I can be. And to stop trying to be everyone else. They're already taken. It's time for me to run my own race. So today, I want you to remember that you are great when you are truly you. Don't try to be anyone else. Admire them, yes. Pick up hints and tips along the way. But your self-worth, your value is much greater when you be you. Measure yourself against what you can achieve. Measure yourself against you. You are your own piece of string. Start today. Start by measuring yourself against you and become the person that a younger you would be proud of. That's where I'm headed. Trying to be a person that my younger self would be proud of. Will it be easy? Nope, not at all. And unfortunately, it will be far from easy. And we'll probably come out with a few extra battle scars. But you know what? That's okay. Because your scars tell a story. But will it be worth it? Hundred percent. Progress is a journey. It's not a destination. Every step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to growth. So today, choose you. Choose to only measure yourself against you. Start simple. Write down one to five things that you have achieved today. Reflect. Did I do slightly more than yesterday? Am I being my authentic self? As a teacher, I am very used to using post-it notes, despite how much sometimes they drive me crazy. But if you're a visual person, meaning you comprehend things better when you can see it, why not get some post-it notes and write down something that you have achieved on a note? All right. You may only have one thing or you may have many. But stick up that post-it note and watch your collection grow over a week. One note for one achievement. Your achievements might be something as simple as: hey, I got out of bed today. Hey, I got dressed today. Hey, I ran 10Ks in under an hour. Shout out to those people who can do that. I can't. Your achievement is your achievement. You know, you've got millionaires out there who are like, oh, I spent $600,000 on something today, and it was like a drop in the ocean. And the rest of us sit here and go, oh man, I don't even make that much. But you know what? I got out of bed today. I tried. I got dressed. I ate. I went to work. I did what I needed to do to get through my day. If I look back, that's more than probably what I did the day before. Measure yourself against you because you truly matter. It doesn't matter what your achievement is. All that matters is you measuring up to you. Well, it's nice for us to be told that, you know, oh, you look nice today, or hey, you did a really great job with that. We all crave praise. And I'm not saying don't crave that anymore. I'm just simply saying when we're comparing us to other people, we're starting to lose ourselves. We can admire them. We can be like, oh man, I like the way that person does that. I like the way that person dressed. Maybe I could try that style. Try it, but stay true to you. Keep your style as well. Use yourself as your own measuring stick, as your own piece of string. It's endless. If you're not into writing things down, that's cool. Just have a mental note or make voice notes on your phone. Voice notes have become quite popular and are very easy to deal with. But honestly, I challenge you, do this for one week. Each day, write down whatever you have achieved. It might be, hey, I've pooped today. Some of us, that's a good thing. All right. Stick it up where you can see it. If you're using posters, stick it up. And watch what you can achieve in a week. It'd be interesting to know if you tried to measure up someone else, if what you achieved in a week was the same, or if you actually achieved more measuring against yourself. It's a journey. And we're on this together. And sometimes it really does seem like a never-ending journey. I know it does for me. But honestly, what I've learned so far, and I continue to do so each and every day, it is so rewarding. I am far from my destination, but I am committed to accepting my measurements, using my life, and using me as my own measuring stick. I am my own piece of string. So to quote Jeanette again, be yourself, because everyone else has taken. Admire people, aspire to be great, use tips and tricks, but stop comparing yourself to others. Because your journey is your journey. It's not someone else's. All right. You can't get to a destination trying to drive someone else's car when you're sitting in your own. So until next time, be you. Be you. Everyone else is simply taken. And start being unapologetically imperfect. Because it really is the best way to be. Catch you in the next episode, guys. See ya.