Episode 02: The Stories I Keep Repeating - The Icebergology of Life with Rob Jackson

You're not alone in the struggle. Paul named it two thousand years ago with a rawness that still startles — I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. He could have written it this morning. And frankly, so could you and I if we're self-aware.

In this episode, Rob Jackson goes to the first layer beneath the surface — reactive behavior. Not to condemn it, but to understand it. Anger, anxiety, avoidance, control — these are not random failures of willpower. They are signals. And beneath almost every reactive behavior is something that reveals the weakness of the old nature — and the deep longing beneath it for something only God can provide.

Understanding what your reactive behavior is revealing is the beginning of something. Not a strategy. Not a technique. The beginning of an honest reckoning with what's actually going on beneath the surface of your life.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Why reactive behavior keeps returning no matter how many times you resolve to stop
• The most common reactive behaviors — anger, anxiety, avoidance, addiction, control — and what each one reveals about the old nature
• Romans 7:15 — Paul's honest confession and what it tells us about the interior life
• Why reactive behavior is a symptom of the weakness of the flesh — and what lies beneath it
• The story of David — a man who came for strategies and found something deeper waiting
• Why Jesus didn't look at reactive people and see problems to manage — he looked and saw people whose deepest thirst had been pointed in a deadly direction
• The question beneath every reactive behavior: not why do you keep doing this but what are you actually longing for?

 Got a question for Rob? If something from this season stirred something in you or raised a question beneath the surface, send it here: IcebergologyThe Icebergology of Life with Rob Jackson Podcast

Key Quotes

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. — Romans 7:15. Written two thousand years ago. Could have been written this morning.

"The behaviors aren't the problem, David. They're the address. They're telling us where to go look."

"Do you love me? That's the question beneath every reactive behavior."

Scripture References

• Romans 7:15
• Proverbs 12:25
• John 21:15–17

Song for this Episode

“You Say” by Lauren Daigle

This song reflects the tension between what we tell ourselves and what God says is true. Listen this week as part of your formation work.

The Iceberg of Life Formation Spotify Playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DE1iasq5FaJRPwDJUO9R8?si=g6BsLajDSEO63QpsTOXMQQ

Free Resource

Download the free Below the Waterline PDF guide — a clear, simple map of the Iceberg Model™ of Christian Spiritual Formation. 👉 icebergology.com/model

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Transcript

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I've thought most of my life that I have to be perfect. I've even over spiritualized this thought, telling myself that a really good Christian couldn't be content any other way. Some might call that admirable. Others might think if we don't strive for perfection, then we're lazy and are more likely to sin against God. And they're partly right. God does call us to pursue holiness. What I turned holiness into wasn't pursuit, it was performance. And it was slowly destroying me. The old gray haired professor who diagnosed me with panic disorder when I was in college used to tell us you have to have the courage to be imperfect. At the time, I was sure that was ungodly counsel. That is, until the day I realized that my pursuit of perfection was dismissing my ongoing need for grace. This good boy could never be good enough, no matter how many times I tried, no matter how many times I lied to myself, or bought into the lies of others who believe the same for themselves. We all have them. The stories we keep repeating. They don't announce themselves. They don't arrive wearing a sign that says this is a distortion. They sound just like us. And here are the lies we believe. He always does this. I'll never get past this. Nobody really cares. Oh I'm too far gone. Well, this is just who I am. These sentences may feel like observations, but they're not. These narratives have been running under the surface of our lives for so long that we've stopped noticing them years ago. And here's what I want you to hear clearly. Those stories are driving your behavior more than almost anything else you can name. Last week I said your behavior is a signal. It points to something beneath the water line. Today we're going down one layer. Remember the map? Body at the top, mind in the middle, heart at the bottom. Behavior lives in the body. That's step one, the tip of the iceberg. But step two, the first layer beneath the water line is in the mind. It's where your thoughts live. And not just your conscious thoughts, your inner narration, the running commentary you don't usually notice, but it's there, and it drives you. Scripture calls these thoughts by name. Paul writes in Romans twelve about being transformed by the renewing of the mind. In Second Corinthians ten he talks about taking thoughts captive. This isn't decorative language. This is saying there are thoughts in you that need to be arrested. Thoughts that are working against your formation, against your peace, against the person God is making you into, and more importantly, thoughts against God Himself. Distorted thoughts aren't wild or dramatic. That's what makes them so dangerous. They sound reasonable, they sound like fair assessments, they sound like things you've earned the right to believe because of what you've been through. And they are almost always one of a handful of predictable patterns. Here are some of those. One, all or nothing thinking. It's black and white. No middle. If I can't do this perfectly, I've failed. By the way, that keeps me out of the shop because I want woodworking to be perfect. And well it's never perfect enough. That's a recovery goal. Number two, catastrophizing the worst case always. If this goes wrong, everything is ruined. Three mind reading. Assuming you know what someone else is thinking, almost always assuming the worst. four overgeneralizing always never everyone I always mess this up. Nobody ever listens. Five personalizing taking the blame for things that just aren't yours to carry. Six filtering only seeing the negative, forgetting everything else. Seven should statements rigid internal rules with no grace. I should have known better. I shouldn't feel this way. And number eight emotional reasoning. I feel it, so it must be true. Now, if you've been around counseling at all, you've seen this list before, but most people who've seen it don't realize it just isn't a list of cognitive errors. It's a list of ways a fallen mind narrates. It's the old nature writing the script. And don't forget, we're called to renew our minds in Christ. Jeremiah 17 9. The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can understand it? Now that's not just a verse about moral failure. It's a verse about how we interpret our own lives. Our self-narration is compromised. We don't see God ourselves or others clearly. And yet, here's the gospel underneath this. We are not left to these distortions. Paul doesn't say get your thoughts right on your own. He says rather take every thought captive to obey Christ. These thoughts are taken captive to someone. They're brought to Christ. He is the one who sorts out what's true from what isn't. This is not positive thinking. This is spirit-led reorientation, where the Word of God teaches us how to think about the true meaning of life and how we can enjoy God above all when we seek Him with our whole hearts. Here's what I want you to see. The renewal of the mind is not a one-time event. It's not a verse you memorize, and then you're fixed. It's a new way of living in union with Christ and in His Word. Every time you notice a distorted thought, every time you catch yourself mid-narration, you have a choice. You can let it run or you can bring it to God and let Him speak truth into your life. The Psalms are full of this. Read Psalm 42. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? That's David catching his own narration, and then he talks back to it. Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. That's the work. Notice the story, take it to God, let him rewrite it. In my own life I've struggled with feeling overly responsible for others, and for years I told myself that self-care was really just plain selfishness dressed up in therapeutic language. After all, we were put here to serve others. And that's true, but it's not the whole truth. Over time I learned to pay close attention to verses like, do unto others as you'd have them to do unto you, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. Both of these precious scriptures teach us that we need to be self-aware in order to serve others better. And I found true self-awareness comes only in union with Christ. Otherwise, self-awareness can be blinding. Now, even in my mid-60s, I'm learning to listen to what I tell myself, and I challenge it with the Word of God and with the help of the Holy Spirit. And I encourage you to challenge what you think as well. Hold it up to God's word and see if it's really true. There's one more thing I need to say to you today before we close. Distorted thoughts don't live alone. They are stitched into memories and into emotions. Emotions you may have learned a long time ago were not safe to feel. Emotions you've been running from for decades. The story and the feeling are always together. You can't fully renew your thinking without facing what the thinking is protecting you from. That's where we're going to go next week. Episode three. Father, I imagine that many who are listening now feel the gravity of their own distorted thinking. Please help all of us to see that your desires for us are better than what we desire for ourselves. And one thing you want for us is to learn how to take toxic thinking apart word by word in relationship to yourself through the Holy Spirit. Father, thank you for loving us into a deeper formation with yourself. I offer this prayer in the name of Christ. If what we've talked about today resonates with you and you want a clear, simple map of what the iceberg model actually looks like, I've put it together. It's a free guide called the Formation Reference. It's a PDF you can download right now at icebergology.comslash model. That's icebergology.com slash model. It's free. Go grab it, and I'll see you in episode three. Before we close, I want to point you to a song that sits well with what we've talked about today. It's You Say by Lauren Daigle. The whole song is about the war between what I tell myself and what God says is true. Listen to it this week. Let it be a part of your work. You'll find it on our Spotify playlist, The Icebergology of Life Formation. It'll also be in the show notes.