The Natural High Life

Social Connection: Why This Might Be The Real High We're Missing

• Clodagh Ryan & Aisling Browne • Season 1 • Episode 3

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This week on The Natural High Life we’re diving into one of the most powerful natural highs available to us: human connection.

In a world where we’re constantly online, connected and contactable, many of us are quietly feeling more disconnected than ever. We explore loneliness, belonging, vulnerability, friendship, community and the science behind why meaningful relationships are essential for our health, happiness and longevity. 

We also chat about:

  •  Why giving up alcohol does not mean giving up the fun or the craic 
  •  Feeling sick when you’re no longer constantly hungover - our Sober Hot Topic this week
  •  Why sober laughs somehow hit even harder 
  •  Deep meaningful conversations (DMCs) without the drink 
  •  The shame and silence often tied to loneliness 
  •  Our honest meditation recap from last week: what worked, what absolutely did not, and how we’re adapting our practices to suit us individually 

This episode explores fascinating research around social connection including:

  •  The Harvard Study of Adult Development 
  •  The “Blue Zones” longevity research by Dan Buettner 
  •  Johann Hari’s Lost Connections
  •  The nervous system’s “tend and befriend” response 
  •  Why loneliness impacts our health as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day 

One of our favourite reminders from this episode:

“If you’re going to expose your heart, make sure it’s your wisest self doing that.” 

This Week’s Invitation

Try:

1 Connection A Day

Swap out a text for a phone call.
Make eye contact.
Start a conversation.
Ask someone how they really are - and wait for the answer.

Small moments of connection matter more than we think. 

Resources & References

Books

Documentary

Upcoming Event

Join us for our upcoming Quit Your Wine-ing in-person event in Cork City on Sunday, May 24th at Aye from 3.30pm 

Food, laughs, meaningful conversations and connection with like-minded people. Come exactly as you are. 💛

High Lifer Discounts: 
Doctrine Skincare. 
This is an exclusive discount for our Natural High Lifer Listeners. Doctrine Skincare have offered this across season 1 - 15% discount across all full priced and full sized products. Use code TNHL15 and enjoy. 

This is an exclusive discount for our Natural High Lifer Listeners. Doctrine Skincare have offered this across season 1 - 15% discount across all full priced and full sized products. 

Speaker 1

Hi, I'm Aisling and I'm Clodagh and we are two wait Clo are we girls or are we women? Uh we're a bit of both. Ah yeah, we are. Okay, look, we're two gibbons. Or worlds. I like that.

Speaker

Who, having both kicked the booze out the back door, are always on the search for our own natural hides. The things that make us feel amazing, not just at the time, but long afterwards too. I, Aisling, am a mob and a movement and a meditation teacher. And I, Clodagh, am the founder of a tech company and well-being solution called Cree. I am a health and wellness coach and a yoga teacher too.

Speaker 1

And together we will trial and test many different natural highs and share with you the good, the bad and the ugly.

Speaker

And we invite you, our natural high lifers, to come along for the ride. Expect honest, real, raw, rich conversation, many laughs, and many, many tangents. Because progress is never a straight line. Woohoo!

Intros and Traffic Trauma

Speaker

Hi everyone, and welcome to episode three of the Natural High Life Podcast. Aisling, can you believe episode three? I actually can.

Speaker 1

And I'll tell you why. Um because it's real. Because I know, but you know what? I do have a newfound respect for people who do pods because there's actually so much converse, like everything worthwhile, you know, even in like a class that you teach or whatever, there's so much background conversation that goes on. So I'm like, we've only done this, it's only three. I feel like we've had hours upon hours of conversation. I'm like, I feel like there should be 33. But yeah, so yes, can I believe it? I can't.

Speaker

Maybe it is episode 33 in our brains of like our own, you know, podcast that we've been doing without anyone else listening.

Speaker 1

Yeah, exactly. Well, it's episode about 3,042 million of that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker

But yes, can I believe it? I can. Brilliant. And you know what? Is it getting more easier just to get the setup going and everything? Probably not.

Speaker 1

No, no. I suppose with everything new, there's like teething issues. And obviously, you being the tech department, you have a lot more to do than me. So I really, I really appreciate my tech team.

Speaker

Well, actually, though, you've got the journey to make, and we are only doing our best. You poor thing got stuck in a lot of traffic today, which is very frustrating. If anything's going to make our blood pressure rise, it's getting stuck in traffic.

Speaker 1

Yeah, do you know? I've getting stuck in traffic or being stuck behind a big long queue at the supermarket, it's so funny because it really depends if you're under time pressure or not. I've been almost smug in traffic or in a line at the supermarket. And I'm like, what are they all fretting about? Because on that particular day, I didn't have anywhere to be. Do you know what I mean? Totally. Do you ever be that person being like, guys, let it let it go? And then when I'm in traffic, I'm like, guys, come on, life's for yeah, let's just breathe. And then when you've actually somewhere to be, you're like, yeah, if we could all just be wonderful.

Speaker

I'm that person in the queue being like, you know, this is a lovely moment just to take in the space, have a little daydream. And then exactly if you're under severe pressure, because someone, if some I think if someone's waiting on the other end, whether it be your kids, obviously that would drive you into meltdown. But whether it be someone, because I think we're all like you're very selfless. So I think I think today for you was more frustrating because you felt that I was waiting for you. Yes, that's definitely true.

Speaker 1

And I don't like to keep people waiting. And I definitely, yeah, I think there's people who keep people waiting all of the time. And of course, there's of course life is gonna life, and we all have delays, and that's fine or whatever. But there's you know, we all have those people in our life that are actually late for everything. And if you're late for everything, then that kind of just says to me that you've decided that your time is more important than mine, and that is very annoying.

Speaker

But yes, when it's out of our control and we can't do anything about it, yeah. Well, you can only do what you can do. So you had a really smart idea, and you actually rang me instead, and we had a great old chat about some things that we wanted to chat about for the pod while we were stuck in traffic, and that was absolutely hands free, hands free.

Speaker 1

Oh, hands free, always no hands on the steering wheel. No, I'm gonna do anything. Hands free phone-wise. Um, yeah, totally. Oh, look, we we did we did our best given what we had, but it was a real reminder of it's not what's happening, it's your reaction to what's happening. Today you know I did feel a bit stressed because I really wanted to be here on time. Um I'm just laughing at how unbelievably smug I can be when I don't have someone, and I'm gonna have more empathy for the stress heads in the line and Tesco's things because maybe they just have an appointment they really have to get to.

Speaker

But you're so right, it's the reaction, and also we can't help it if sometimes we get frustrated, we're only human at the end of the day. But like, yeah, do you have a few ways of regulating yourself? And you did like when you felt a bit overwhelmed, there are a few deep breaths to sort you right out. I did.

Speaker 1

I like I know it's sometimes I think the breath thing can almost be annoying. But like I know my kids, if they're feeling a bit ragy, and I'm like, guys, we're actually all just gonna stop now and take a deep breath. And it's like they know that it'll change, but they've become kind of attached to their rage at that point, and they'd actually know it's so incredibly effective that we will all feel profoundly different after after those breaths, and I know it, I know it too. You know, it's so brilliant. That's why I sat down there now when I was at Clow before we say another word, I'm actually gonna just say some deep breaths to myself. Um, and actually, when I'm teaching, I'd often stop. If I can feel a bit of frazz rising in the room if we're really working into a bit of strength work, I'll actually pause and just get everyone to do a grounding breath. I think that's really and it's literally a single inhale, a single exhale in stillness, and in you know, chaptering something really spicy, a spicy workout with those, it just shows like one tiny breath can honestly just regulate us.

Speaker

Yeah, well, we're signalling to ourselves and our nervous system that we are A-OK.

Speaker 1

Yeah, exactly. So, anyway, that's it. That's the that was a grand long preamble. Now, Ashlyn got stuck in traffic. Um yeah, that's the last spot over. Ashley got stuck in traffic. The episode, lads. How are you and how was your week?

Speaker

My week was good. I had do you know what? I had some great wins this week work-wise, which I have vowed to myself in recent times I'm gonna celebrate. So I'm gonna stop, celebrate, taking it all in. And yeah, I just won a lot of new kind of business and for the first time seeing a bit of revenue come through that actually for me makes it all worthwhile. Because it's it's not about the money, but it has to be about the money too. And to see do you know what? Yeah, just the coolest thing is like the things that I've created from my my mad weird brain coming to life, being used by people and being paid for, it's just a really cool space to be in, and I just feel extremely excited.

Speaker 1

That is so amazing. Bula boss you, only that it'll be so audibly aggressive if I start clapping now into the mic, but just trust me that that's how I feel. But honestly, good on you. Is there anything that can build a sense of pride more than that? Was a spark in my mind, and now it's come to fruition. And not alone has it come to fruition, it's actually helping people, and not alone is it helping people, it's actually all circular coming back to me because they're happier because of it, and I'm being paid all because of one spark in your mind.

Speaker

I know it's amazing, it's really cool, yeah. And yeah, yeah, and it's been an old journey, and sometimes on journeys, you can kind of just keep plodding through, and you don't like in the process of it all, you don't stop for you can often stop when it's tough, but you don't really stop to like, you know, look at the view and be like, God, like this is this is working. So yeah, I was feeling really good, and and hosted a lovely day retreat as well, a first one, and all of that was gorgeous too. So um I'm feeling my the lasting effects. I've continued my gratitude practices anyway. So maybe the lasting effects of gratitude are are lingering. But before we jump into, I guess, uh, because I want to ask how your week was as well, but maybe as well in relation to the meditation. Shall we talk about any of our

Hot Sober Topic for this week

Speaker

little hot, spicy topics to kick off?

Speaker 1

Yeah. Um some sober sober hot topics. So my sober hot topic of this week is um I know the bronchitis diaries. Here we go again. No, I'm over the illness. But do you know I actually found being sick harder. I find being sick more difficult in sobriety than I ever did back in my drinking days. Because and it just blows my mind when I think about this. But I fully accepted that feeling terrible cyclically was just part of grown-up existence, that like weathering feeling like dog shit on you know, every second Sunday morning or whatever, or every Sunday morning, or twice a week, or whatever the case may be. Um, that was just part of life. I just you just accept it, just chin up, buttercup, and on you go. Like, you know, but actually, once you get some distance from that, you can realise how incredibly warped it is to think that that is a storm that you have to weather. No, you don't. So I feel like a top dog, like nearly every morning I wake. Like you with the with the small thing that obviously I have two small children, so my sleep can be fragmented because of the kiddos. But I mean, that's just a little a little bit of tiredness, and actually, strangely, you do kind of grow to adjust to that, which is odd. Like in the initial stage of the motherhood, you're just walking around like an absolute zombie, but then you eventually fragmented sleep actually like you know, wrongly or rightly you become kind of used to dealing with it. But just as far as like waking up feeling physically and mentally really good, like I that's my life, like that's my reality. And so this sickness, which went on forever for like three weeks, I I was like, Whoa, though it was slightly different um in that it was like a chesty thing or whatever, but it still opened my eyes and I just feel crap. And I was like, I cannot believe that I accepted that this was life, you know?

Speaker

It's just bizarre, yeah, it is bizarre, and like I guess when you're saying that, I oh my god, I'm a hundred times of when I felt sick or coming into my mind or when I plodded through. And it's it's funny because I think as well at stages in our life, being hungover can feel very, very different. So totally the same for you. I mean, I in my late teenage years, if my parents are listening, maybe my early teenagers, a hangover was nothing. Lol. Obviously.

Speaker 1

You'd be lolling.

Speaker

Yeah, bounce back, not a bother.

Speaker 1

And you'd almost find the craziness of the night before uh funny rather than any guilt or shame inducing, you know.

Speaker

But I just didn't feel the physical effects. I was kind of invincible. In my twenties, I was pretty much invincible as well. Yeah, I'd be some I would be surviving on a lack of sleep. I mean, when I lived in Korea, which is a whole other deep dive story I could share, there was a lot of booze. It was a hugely alcohol-fueled adventure for three years. Like that was what the expats did together. We would meet on a Friday, we would go out, and we would not get home till Sunday night, and there would be a lot of a lot of booze going on. And I will say it was one of the most fun times of my life. However, when I look back on it, I I do have a vivid memory of going. I was a teacher and I was going to school on the Monday morning, and I was shocked. Yeah. Oh, the shakes, the rats, the whole shebang off to teach a class of middle

Middle School Boy pranks: the umbrella trick

Speaker

school boys. No, no, like they used to play awful pranks on me at one time. They used to put salt in my umbrella. So, like when I'd open my the salt would all come raining down on top of me. I love it. Uh, they were gasped, but also when you're hung over like and and rattled, yeah. I mean, look, but we kind of bounced back 20s, 30s. I turned a corner. Same. And it was a physical illness sometimes, but I actually didn't get physically ill as much as some of my friends would have, but I got very anxious. Emotionally ill. Emotionally unwell. Yeah, totally.

Speaker 1

And I think it's yeah, totally. God, and it was a real stark, totally, it was a real stark reminder of feeling gammy for the last weeks, and I really did feel like shit. Yeah. Like it was a real stark reminder of a how grateful I am that like almost every morning of my life I feel a million bucks, and I'm just so used to that. And I and I guess now I'm kind of almost spoiled by feeling good seven mornings of a week. So that was really like I don't want to wake feeling crack, like I love my mornings and too much. Um, so and it was a real stark reminder of kind of my why. And for me, I know a lot of people give up booze because maybe their heck their behaviour when they're drinking or drunk is kind of hectic. And of course, that's true of me and every drinker. I I'm not saying I didn't do hectic stuff when I was drunk, I did. But for me, much more than giving up being drunk, I was giving up being hungover. I could not weather another hangover under any circumstances, emotionally, physically, mentally. They there was no, there was no world where that was going to work for me long term. They were so horrific. Yeah, you know.

Speaker

Oh, totally. I mean, even just thinking back to it is kind of like PTSD. But it is a very good reminder, I suppose, of like what you're saying. I can so relate, like being sick then without the cause of the booze. So let's say what we kind of thought in the day, oh, it's worth it, you know, like it's it's worth it to feel this sick because the crack you'll have now, we know you can still have that kind of crack and that kind of fun to a certain extent. Um, I definitely think we find the crack and the fun. Obviously, the booze, I mean, that's a whole kind of conversation that we'll have to have too. The booze with the the freedom.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker

You know, if you're at a festival or you're away on a girls' trip and there's a lot to be said, maybe you let go a lot more than you would, but are you letting go in the right way? I don't know.

Speaker 1

And it's it's a really interesting, it's a really interesting topic. And I think as well, I really like that you mentioned that, Chloe, because I think sometimes when people are sober, loud and proud, like we are, there can be almost from a place of safety or wanting to feel safe, and maybe from a place of fear, being like, booze is bad, it is black and it is white. And maybe not not leaning into the nuances or the more subtle points of the conversation from a kind of a fear standpoint, I think, um, can really stunt a conversation. Yeah. Whereas there is a freedom and a kind of a laissez-faire kind of attitude that comes with booze. That's undeniable because it turns off your brain. But I'm not saying that that there isn't a lovely feeling after two drinks where you're like, ah fuck it. And you know, we all feel like we're holding so much that that ah fuck it feeling can be so relieving. Yeah. But I I'm not saying that that isn't a nice feeling. That's a really nice feeling.

Speaker

Yeah.

Speaker 1

I'm saying that feeling isn't worth it to me for how much I have to pay back.

Speaker

Oh, absolutely. And I think in my younger years again, maybe I I think you and me are similar in like one of the reasons, main reasons of giving up is because of that. How shit we felt after the drinking.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker

Not about it wasn't the nights out, the crack on the nights out were mighty, but it was the shitness afterwards of feeling awful mentally, um, for me mostly mentally. Yeah.

Speaker 1

But I would sorry, sorry to put it. And I would also say that I think the crack had a real time limitation on it. I think drink one, drink two, drink three, beautiful. And from in my opinion, and in my experience, from there on in a lot of people saying the wrong thing to the wrong people, things get taken up wrong. Like there's a sweet spot, there's a sweet spot, and and in my opinion, it's about an hour and a half, two hours. Yeah. And after that, after that, it's shit talk, it's stuff that is maybe uh not accurate, wrong things said to the wrong people. After that, I think it starts to get a little messy. So am I willing to put down well the question for me is at least, am I willing to put down 48 hours of feeling like dog shit for an hour and a half, two hours of joy when I can find joy in so many other places? For me, that's not worth that anymore.

Speaker

In the natural highs, no, totally. And I think, but I think as well, it was around like in my twenties, I didn't feel as awful afterwards, and that's why I don't think I ever weighed up or even questioned my drinking because in the moment I didn't feel bad afterwards, I was having the crack in the moment, and I mean there are adventures that I will share on this podcast as we go in my life that I've had drinking that I have no doubt I probably wouldn't have had sober, that are probably some of the funniest memories I'll ever have.

Speaker 1

Yeah, isn't it so funny that I would also say if I was to sit here now and someone say, Okay, Ashley, you can remove all of your drinking past. Do you want to do that? I honestly don't think I would. Oh, I definitely would not. Do you know what I mean? Like I've come to this point, and this is my honest opinion. And my the what this is the honestly the right decision, it's my truth for where I am now at 40. I'm 41 years of age. This is absolutely the right decision for me. Would it have been the right decision for me in my 20s, 30s? I don't know. It would have looked very different. I guess same as everything, it's not black and white. That's a hard one now.

Speaker

I'm like, actually, would I?

Speaker 1

And then yeah, and then there's another part of me being like, Wow, I would have loved to live all those adventures without booze on bones.

Speaker

I know because that's the thing I was gonna say. When I first gave up the drink, that was for me the hardest bit. I was like, oh my god, but the crack I had, and again, I think I was buying into the bullshit of it all. I realized in recent months, as you're kind of going through the long journey it is that the breakup with booze, yeah, I'm having more fun without the booze. So I think I could have been plonked into many of those situations where other people are drinking. I have no problem being around other people who are drinking. I totally respect that that's their choice. Yeah. And I can have the crack with them. And I've I've been on hen parties, I've been to weddings since sober, and I think I've had, if not as much, but maybe more fun.

Speaker 1

Literally, one of the best I had one of the best days I've ever had in my life at a wedding last year, where I was honestly bent over laughing for the whole day. Yeah. And some of that, if I'm totally honest, was laughing at other people's drunk behaviours. Absolutely. Do you know what I mean? Um, and not in a pointing and laughing way, like they were being kind of funny and extra, and I was just enjoying them too. You know what I mean? It wasn't a pointing and laughing, it was like we were all laughing. You were all giddy together, yeah, yeah. And like, and I was getting a bit mocked over being sober, which I actually love when people mock me over it. Um, I love a bit because I think it can all be so earnest, the sobriety voyage, you know, and it can all be so serious. And that's actually as someone who's an ultimate omnivert, like I'm either on on, chat smack, chat, or I'm off off, and I power down like a robot, and there's nothing in between. I am such an omnivert, I'm on on or I'm off off. Um, but obviously when I'm out and about, I'm on on. And like I loved at that wedding now, just like the yeah, just the extraness of the whole thing, and I loved people taking the piss out of me. Like in my early days of Spritey, when I was listening to a lot of sober podcasts, there was a lot of like, it was all very serious. And it was like, well, you can always rub your cat and stay at home and wear a cardigan and journal. And I was like, that sounds miserable. Is there an option for an extrovert? Is there an option for a chatty guy? I know. Do you know what I mean? So when I was at this wedding and this one particular really funny guy was taking the piss out of me for being sober, I really enjoyed it because it brought a bit of levity to the whole thing. Because people, I think meaning well can be almost too earnest and too respectful. I got I ordered you a sparkling water. All right, like do you know what I mean? Thank you for the respect, but like salute. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't matter. I love a bit of lev exactly. I love a bit of levity brought to it. Do you know what I mean? Um, yeah, and I I I I love a ball half night. I actually yeah,

Booze takes the credit, you take the fall

Speaker 1

it was really, really enjoyable and was one of the times I laughed the most. Whereas I feel like if I was boozing, I would have been really laughing at the start, but it would have gone booze would have taken over the show. I know. And like the other thing that I I hate about drink is I think sometimes, and I definitely used to think like this as well, if something is great, crack, booze gets the it's like, oh, and the the drink was flowing and the drink, and yeah, booze gets the credit, but then if you do something hectic when you're drunk, you take the fall.

Speaker

I know.

Speaker 1

Let me figure this one out now. So if something amazing happens, booze gets the kudos, yeah. But if something shit happens, I'll take the hit. Yeah, pretty much. Whereas actually the alcohol just does to your brain what the alcohol does, it's a chemical. So it's us consistently thinking of ourselves as like we've we've underdo, like we've fallen for the like we've morally failed by our drunk behavior. I'm like, yeah, well, you turned off your brain by ingesting a chemical, it's simple science. Like it for me, that's a kind of standing over someone who's getting a general anesthetic in hospital and being like, Are you going to sleep, you dozy bitch? No, the chemical's just doing what the chemical does. There's no moral failing here.

Speaker

Yeah. You know, I think as well, maybe that whole piece of like the fun, having the crack, still, when you're sober, hello, we can all have so much fun as well. And I think the more you're able to come through your journey of sobriety and the more you're leaning into the things that make you feel good, you're no longer I personally, I'm no longer wound as tight as I used to be. So I don't come on a Friday going, Jesus Christ, I need a drink. I don't, because I'm not as woundly um, you know tightly wound. Tankly, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um because I've I guess I don't have the the ups and downs and the roller coaster moods that I used to have that alcohol would kind of induce and hangovers with my mental anxiety and the fear and only coming back to feeling like myself by a Wednesday and then by a Friday fully recovered, I'm ready to go again. Like it was just a little bit insanity. But now I don't feel like that at the weekends. I'm not gasping for a drink because I have a very regulated system most of the time. Gotcha. But I think that's why we have started this and we love the community element because so many people who have given up the drink, they're kind of cast aside and it's like, well, you gave up the drink, you don't want the fun, you've opted out of the fun and the crack, and that is not the case. We are going to be more fun and more crazy.

Speaker 1

Yeah, clock and yes, and we just want to get together and have the lol for the oh, I wish we'd a visual, but for the for the uh let me be your eyes and ears. She did a rodeo a while ago, a little rodeo arm. I swear to God. Little rodeo arm. Just yeah, but yeah, that's so true. And that's actually what without training, like plug us too hard. But I think that's what's so gorgeous about us, is we we will, and we're gonna be on with all the deets. Um, but we'll be having our little meetup, so we'll actually be having that like like pupil to pupil. Like, like it's uh the online community in sobriety is actually really, really important, but like you can't beat being around other people and laughing your ass off. And I would also say in sobriety, because there's no mood-altering substances on board, the things that you find legit funny, you find it really funny. Because you know, the way when you're drunk, you kind of find everything a bit funny because you just your brain's half mush. But when the things that I find funny now, I find hysterically funny. A friend of mine recently just did a really funny, like honestly, like a sketch in my kitchen of her kid when her kid wants her white her bum wiped, and she's like, Mom, I need my bum wiped. And like my friend kind of took her, like obviously she was playing away, she didn't hear anything or anything, but it was just so funny, and just her way of like reenacting the whole thing was so hilarious. I guess this area line said I know this area lines now. I went to sleep that night. I texted the following day saying that I went to sleep that night, like literally chuckled myself to sleep because it was just so funny what the way she had done it, you know. Summit is a great word, you know, isn't it? I was like, oh to sleep, but like the things that I find funny now, I legit find hilarious. Now it does I suppose it does make you have a little bit of a higher bar because I don't just I won't just do I won't just find something funny because I'm like half pissed. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker

So yeah, anyway, all to say. So you're saying if I make you laugh, you've raised the bar, it means I'm actually really funny. Yeah, you're funny squares. Brilliant. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1

Seal of approval. I'm funny, gal. Yeah, I'll go to sleep, no laughing at the rodeo arm tonight. 100%.

Speaker

Send me off, cowgirl. Right.

Meditation: A look back on the week of practice

Speaker

So, how did you get on with your let's go back? We chatted about meditation last week. We talked about the science, the benefits. We, full disclaimer, both have a a quite a solid meditation practice in our lives, feel a huge amount of benefits from it. And I think we said we'd move into the week, just trying to, you were gonna maybe raw dog it a little bit, remove yourself from the apps that were supporting you and doing your own meditation. And we both said we'd try and have a better wind-down kind of bedtime, even though you have a good routine anyway. How did you get on?

Speaker 1

So, Chloe, I actually it was an interesting thing because I we were talking about doing a bedtime meditation, and I think I'd talk to you during the week about this, and I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna start meditating at bedtime too. And what I realized was it really it just showed to me yet again that one size doesn't fit all and that we're all so incredibly different. I have finally, and this was a bit of a struggle for me, but about six months ago, I finally broke up with my phone at bedtime. So I have once only one hour. We go to bed really early, my husband's a farmer's, so we I just have that one hour with him in the evening, and I always put away my phone for that hour, and I've started to actually put my phone away a little bit earlier, have dinner with the kids without a phone, and I barely look at my phone. I kind of just do one little check-in, making sure that none of all my family are safe and well, kind of thing, maybe at about seven o'clock, and I charge my phone downstairs away from my bedroom. And the first evening, I'd brought it upstairs to do an evening meditation like um a breath work with this fantastic teacher, Jen Mansell. It's on Inside Timer, and I brought that up and I was like, no, no, I worked, I actually have removed my room, my phone from my bedroom, and as much as I really enjoyed doing that bedtime meditation with her, I was like, nope, this isn't the right choice. I removed it for a reason, and as wonderful as that was, so I was like, okay, what can I do now to work around and make it work for me? So I moved it every evening to a body scan that I could do easily myself, and I can say with my hand and my heart, never once did I get higher than my hip. You know, I was like starting the big toe. And I didn't get higher than my hip, you lulled yourself to sleep. I did lull myself to sleep, and I just did a really, really simple body scan. And I to be honest with you, I must have the clearest conscience since God was a child because if I'm horizontal, I'm sleeping, if I'm vertical, I'm awake. And like most nights I say to Simon, Don't I just feel like my mind is racing? There's just no way I'm gonna be gone. I love that.

Speaker

So I didn't get hired than my hits. My sister is like that too. Oh, I'm like conscious of all time. But I go visit her in Dubai and I'd be we'd share a bed then because she has at the moment as a one-bedroom apartment, and I'd be chatting away to her. We get, I I want to have a few of the chats get and she'd be gone. I'm like, this is extremely unfair. She's like I pressed a button and she's out.

Speaker 1

It's X-axis, Y axis for me, X axis asleep, Y-axis awake. End of story. So anyway, those grand can't go to bed with a body scan. And I did my meditation every so I swapped out my phone every second day to trial uh a kind of a soundscape. Um so the yeah, so I was using I'm using Henry Shuckman, I think he's a really good teacher, uh, on the way. Um, but I moved that to every second day, and then for another time, for my other times, I set a 10-minute timer on my garment. My phone was not near me, and I just listened to the birds, and obviously the birds are back in full tweetiness. They're back in fashion, they're back in full tweetiness. Aren't they so loud? Imagine like being landing down in Africa with no money and no passport to home. You go, you'd be there, couldn't possibly. Like they're so impressive, aren't they? They are tiny. Oh, they're unreal. Here, you're in Africa, you've no money, you've no passport, now make your way home.

Speaker

I know. And how do they even know how to get to the place that they go to? Where do they start? In Ireland or Africa?

Speaker 1

Oh, but that's just chicken in and eggling. They're back and they're back and forth all the time.

Speaker

Where does the journey begin?

Speaker 1

And how do they know where the journey ends? Oh, it's just unreal. And they come back to our house. So our house is awash with swallows. Um, and they're all back and oh, they're beautiful. And that they're nesting in the bird box gorgeous so they're beautiful, and this and then they do a little kind of a dance outside the window, and with myself and the kids are in the our in the we'll say on the first floor, and we look out the window, we can northern weekly west wing. No, what am I doing? There's like two floors to your house at me, calm down. Um so if we're like upstairs, upstairs, bird, upstairs, and we can open the window, and like you'd always come eye to eye with them, you know, because they're super good. So, yeah, the I and you actually had mentioned last week about connecting to nature just with using sound as a vehicle, and actually, I really lent into that this week. So my meditation was gorgeous. I had to make it work for me, and and they really showed me the beauty of meditating without my phone. Now, I do think that's a really good tool, particularly if you're getting started. I think having guided meditations for your phone is wonderful, but I think when we're all so tech addicted, and I was really proud of you for admitting you brought your phone to the toilet, Chloe. Everyone just remind everyone. Oh, everyone does it, but only the brave few are will say it. And oh, like also me too, like every and I everyone does, by the way.

Speaker

Yeah, it is. Not every time, but just it's a problem. I not every time, but just I know I'm far too reliant on my phone. Yeah, yeah, same. So it's really good that you can know when to use it and when not to. And I love that you removed it from your bedroom. You're like, nah, not for me. I don't want this.

Speaker 1

Um because I'm really trying to use my phone actually as a tool. And when we think about what's a tool, a tool, like if you had a hammer in your shed, you go and use it on your time, your choice with your autonomy. Whereas there does feel times with me where my phone's using me. Oh, you know what I mean? And I'm the I'm the algorithm. I like it's kind of you know what I mean. And so I want to use my phone. We've been used and abused. Yeah, I want to use my phone like a tool, like you would any tool where you would pick it up when you want it on your terms. Pretty love it. So, yeah, gorgeous. Like I couldn't live without the meditation. Brilliant. How did you get on?

Speaker

So I'm gonna come straight out with it. The nighttime meditation did not work for me either. Okay. I found it very challenging. I love your honesty. As I said, I'm addicted to reality TV. Nighttime. I reduced that down. Did you? I started trying to do bedtime meditations, and then I was like, this is kind of well, I suppose for me it wasn't really a meditation then. It was turning into a different tool. It was turning into like uh like a yoga nidra or a body scan, which is lovely in its own right. And I know it falls under the bracket of meditation, but for me, meditation is the coming into the present moment and really allowing yourself to become the observer of the thoughts and allowing yourself to try and just clear your mind. That's the real benefits to meditation, I find. So I just decided that what was going to work for me more was my window routine. I removed the television at nighttime in my bedroom, and as a not, I don't have a TV. I look at my phone app, um, my reality TV, stopped that at night time. And I yeah, I didn't watch it, and I started reading instead. I actually love reading. I love reading at night time, falling asleep, reading a book. It's my favourite thing to do.

Speaker 1

Gorgeous. Um, the only problem for me with reading at night is I love thriller books. So mine are very murdery. Oh, but isn't really bedtime.

Speaker

My mum listens to the the crime podcast to help her go to sleep. I'm like, that can't be good for sleeping into your own phenomenon. Like, how is that? I find her next morning standing behind me with a knife at the sink.

Speaker 1

Oh, like how yeah, see, for me, like the road to sleep is actually kind of because act I I think we discussed this um maybe in week one, where I my tendency is to wake and to spot to both wake up and fall asleep a bit dready. If dread and panic and anxiety is gonna have a crack, if there's a crack in my door, it's at those moments when I'm falling asleep or when I'm when I'm waking up. Um so for me, when I when I get into bed, I did like uh meditation, or I sorry, I did like a body scan because it was a point of focus. Yeah. And and I had origin or back long before we decided to meditate in in the evening or bring it in another way throughout the day, I did what went well today. Yeah. I I'd often do what went well today. And I always ask the kids what went well today as well at the end of their day or whatever. And that's a really nice way for me to go to sleep because it just exact same as the gratitude practice can just pull my perspective back to something kind of more soft and kind and gentler as I'm going to sleep in something kind of more optimistic.

Speaker

Because my mind will tend to dread as I go to sleep, like a bit worried. Oh, yeah. I said I brought that to my therapist last week because like when I go to turn off the light, it all floods into my head, we're all going to die. Like it's it can be quite intense at times when my anxiety is higher. I do think we'll have to do a whole episode on bedtime wind-down routines.

Speaker 1

So do I. And I also think we need to do a podcast on death.

unknown

Yeah.

Speaker 1

The chirpy topic that is put that into the natural high. Um, I I obviously like you know, I not to be cheesy about our friendship or whatever, but I think one of the things that I truly love about you is what an open book you are. And I know I'm not the only person, no, because you as of you, but I also just know I'm not the only person who who has those or had, and I did a good bit of therapy around this, and had those real depth and things of I I just I almost can't believe it, the party will come to an end. Um in the early stages of myself and my husband seeing each other. Actually, I used to wake him up to remind him we're all going to die. Um, wake up, we are all going to die. Like I was like, I was like, Simon, if I was just seeing someone in the initial stages and they woke me up to say, Ashling, wake up, we're all gonna die. I'd be like, Hi road. It's over. High road for this. Do you know? I said Simon, like, what was going on? He was like, I know, sure. God love you. Yeah, that was challenging, challenging for us all. I just knew he really loved you then at that stage. Uh, I'd say just maybe there was a dry spell before me, maybe, but um, who knows? But I yeah, so thanks so much for saying that because I do think it's one of those death, I think, is a topic that it's really like um you know, that cupboard that we've so much shit stored in, that we've so much shit pushed into. Yeah, but we know if we open it, it'll just be horrible and comfortable. So let's just let's just jam it closed. Totally. And I think death for a lot of people is just jam it closed. Now, there is an argument that what's the point in mulling on it when it's inevitable.

Speaker

Because I think that it's about being able to share how you feel about things with others. Like what you're saying there is that when I shared how I felt and you were like, Oh, you feel that too. Yeah, it just makes a bit more of a okay, I'm not alone in this. Yeah. So and I think that brings it back to community too. Like we should be more open with each other. And when we're going through really awful, tough, tough times that inevitably everyone goes through throughout their life if the grief or losing someone, it's really, really hard. If you can share it with others, if you're anxious or worried about things like death and sharing it with people in a safe space, it just allows a problem shared as a problem have. Totally. And I think as well.

Speaker 1

Like, isn't it mad how we're all going around kind of with only these surface interactions? And then beneath the surface, we're all having these thoughts like death and like these really and wouldn't the world and our communication and just all our conversations be so much more interesting if we actually said what the fuck we were all thinking. Absolutely. Like Alan Dubottom, that philosopher, says that he starts most conversations with how are you crazy? And if they're like, Oh no, nothing to see here, I'm perfect, he's like, Ah, fuck off, move on. Because he's like, How are you crazy? You know, totally. And I honestly, I remember when I was younger being kind of envious of people who came across really polished. Yeah, you know, I was never polished, I never will be polished, not my vibe, not I I couldn't even be if I wanted to, you know. Um I'm rough around the I'm the I'm rough around the edges, I always have been, I always will be. Um, and even sometimes as a teacher, I watch other, you know, particularly if I if I'm leaning more into like Plate's in a way from yoga, how fucking perfect they can be pulsed. One, two, like anyone who comes to my classes, no, that's not my vibe. It never will be. I can't do that. And when I was younger, and people were really like polished, and everything they said, and and they'd always inquire how your mom is. Perfect people always over-ask how your mom is, and how's your mum? Um, and I'd be like, Oh, fuck I my mum's fine. Uh and they'd always make me feel kind of like extra crazy because how clipped and how polished and how and how kind of guarded they were. And one fantastic realization I had when I as I got older, and I must say, I really, I really exhaled on the day that I was like, oh, that's actually true. I have all the problems that come with being a human in the universe, just by extension of being a human, it's just the human experience comes with problems, it's a privilege of being alive. They also have all the problems that come with being a human in the universe, and then on top of that, they have to be an actress. So at least I only have problem set number one. They have two fucking problems. They have all the problems that we all have, and then on top of that, they have to add this veneer of perfection. So I would love to live in a world where all our conversation strips away all that fucking horse shit on the surface. It's so boring anyway. And then let's just get to the real shit. That's actually interesting.

Speaker

Yeah, well, look, that's it's a great quality tab. I'm laughing because when you're like, Oh, you're such an open book, I'm not an open book to a lot of people. So it's actually lovely that you think I am, but that's actually a testament to how I feel safe in your company. And now on the internet for everyone. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, perfect. I I used to be a way more open book. I got hurt by people. I have little blockers, and I think that sometimes again, it's like people sometimes can come across now. We have some actors and polished people out there for sure. Then you've got some people who come across great and come across kind of good because they I think sometimes don't want to burden other people with what's going on in their lives, or they often feel I don't want to overshare because I feel like then you might let me down. I know I can say that that's how I feel sometimes with people.

Speaker 1

I completely understand. And I think you know, with this, particularly with the work of Brene Brown, and I think her her kind of rejigging of our understanding of vulnerability has been amazing, and she queen. She's sober too, by the way. Oh, I did not know that. Yeah, I I I rubbed that quote from her of sobriety is my superpower, she's a fucking queen. Sorry, bronchitis is back just for a little bit. Bronchitis is your superpower. For a little hello. Um still here, Ashley. But I think when it comes like to vulnerability, I don't let me just say and caveat my previous point by saying, of course, if I'm at the school pickup, I'm not gonna be like, hi um, both my parents have passed away. And sometimes I wondered was my fruit was the relationship with my father. Like, I'm not going to go there when it's time to pick up. Obviously, we're gonna all go because it's a two-minute interaction. You know, we've such gorgy um parents at our school, they're sound out like, and I'm just gonna have a fast little hi yeah, how's it going? They're gonna have a hi yeah, how's it going? And we're out the gap on Yanappa. We're all there just to safely pick up our kids in a fast little interaction. What I'm saying is I kind of need I can't have that as the main type of interactions I'm having. I guess that's my point. Of course, there's a point, and it's ridiculous to say we're gonna get deep in some places. Of course we're not, not we're not gonna, it's not gonna happen in work, it's not gonna happen with those fast little interactions of school pickups and da da da.

Speaker

But it will happen with the people you want it to happen with.

Speaker 1

Yeah, but I uh what I I guess what I'm trying to say is as part of our kind of emphasis on community connection, I wonder, are there spaces for all of us, and I'm wondering for myself too, are there some relationships where I could lean in with a little bit more truth and a little bit more honesty and a little bit less of a veneer? Do you know?

Speaker

Absolutely, and that's 100% my main focus at the moment going through therapy. I was like, I want to show up with a much more open heart and a lot more vulnerability in the friendships and the relationships I'm in.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker

And it's a hard one because again, like a lot of times we have like our little protectors that are protecting us from hurt uh from the past or when we felt let down or isolation or loneliness that we may have gone through in our lives. And so sometimes we don't even recognise that. But it is very, very rewarding when you find the people you can feel safe enough around to have the deep, meaningful chats. And I really will, and I know we chatted about that before. The one thing about giving up the drink, I was like, I'm not gonna have the DMCs anymore with people. Like that was my what part of my favourite thing about drinking. You're sitting around the kitchen table, you're still having the drinks, and you're having the deep chats with each other. Yeah. And I actually found out very, very quickly in my sobriety that is not true. I have had more DMCs with people since giving up drink, and and ones that I remember, and ones that I can back behind like what I'm saying is genuinely what I mean. It's not the the drink talking.

Speaker 1

I I totally I hear you, and I guess, and I I I totally understand your point about those moments being kind of you know meaningful and feeling rich. The only thing I'd say though, about both you and me, as two people I care about deeply, I wonder, is that doing that vulnerable deep part of you? Is she getting her due diligence when it's drunk you presenting the points? Like if you're gonna expose these real heartfelt truths, is your drunk mind-brain vocabulary the best vehicle for that?

Speaker

No, because you get what I'm trying to say. I often used to get really vulnerable about things that I actually didn't even care about. I feel like I was crying last night over X, Y, and Z, I don't give a shit about that. Right? So no, absolutely it wasn't the right thing.

Speaker 1

If you're gonna expose quality, if you're gonna expose your heart, make sure it's your wisest head doing that. Do you get what I'm trying to say? Couldn't agree more, you know?

Speaker

Yeah. So I'm gonna bring it back to my meditation. Yeah. No, go for it. We've digressed. But and I'll I'll just wrap it up. The nighttime stuff didn't, yeah, didn't do it for me either. And I think that's great that we can share when things work and share when things don't work. Um, but I have changed my routine a little bit around my bedtime. And what it highlighted for me was I love my meditation in the morning. Yeah. And or even throughout the day, if I'm feeling overwhelmed or frazzled, and I just love what I've noticed a lot is I love actually a silent meditation or just with a little bit of music or bird song. Nice. Um I will try Henry Shuckman because you have spoken about him and I actually we were running a mindfulness challenge. We've run a few of them across the month through Cree where people join in for five days or ten days and they have guided content. And of course I was joining in with that, but I realized I preferred using the meditation timer where there is silence or your own soundscape versus the guided content. Yeah. I just like being peaceful and just creating that bit of stillness within myself.

Speaker 1

That is gorgeous that you have the awareness of what works for you. And in a and we're no different. We're we're putting out opinions and we're we're also, you know, part of the solution slash problem of and yet another uh place with this could be a good thing, this could be a good thing. But I think sometimes there's so many powerful opinions in the wellness space, we can all get a little bit railroaded, but it it this it has to be it has to be a collaboration between the wisdom you're taking in and what actually just works for you as a person.

Speaker

And what works for you can change over time. I was mad into the guided meditations before, and that might change, I might come back to them again.

Speaker 1

We all have the we I always reserve the right to change my mind. Good, you know? Yeah, and that's actually something that I think as Irish people we really need to kind of keep rock steady in our heads and our hearts because we're like, I've chosen this wife, I've chosen this job, I'm miserable, on I go, and we kind of pat each other on the back 70 years in the bank, hated every minute of it, you know, miserable, stuck it out. Like that's nonsense, you know.

Speaker

That's totally nonsense.

Speaker 1

No, we all have the right to change our minds. So this is what works for me now.

Speaker

Yes, you know, okay, brilliant. And big I will sorry, I was gonna say as well, we will uh link to some meditations that we both teach in the show notes because I do, especially in the earlier journey of my meditation, I really did need some good guided meditations to support me and kind of help me. Yeah. So we will link to some meditations too that people can try. And hopefully, you all got on well, whoever joined in on their meditation journey with us for the week, and do let us know, send us some messages. We're on Instagram, the natural high life, comment, directly message us, um, get in touch because we have gorgeous prizes that we're giving out to listeners as well. Little draws that we're gonna be doing and handing out beautiful wellness gifts to our listeners for being part of our journey. Exactly. Get in touch. We are aged.

Speaker 1

Right now, speaking of aged, I'm gonna say kite. What is our next theme?

Speaker

We are totally getting better at that. I'm gonna get us a drum. So, our topic or our natural high going into the new week ahead is social connection. Gorgeous. Right. And this topic, I think, is a funny one because a lot of people would be like, social connections, like that. How is that a natural high? That's kind of just naturally part of our life. There is so much science research and so many benefits to our relationship with others and how they affect us. Yeah. And I can't wait to open up this topic and talk about the benefits because it's something that I'm really passionate about, as I know you are too.

Speaker 1

Do you mind if we get straight into the science? I'm kind of dying to hear about it.

Speaker

Okay. So I suppose right now we're living in a world that feels extremely connected and extremely on. We can at the you know, tap of a phone connect with our friends, connect with the world around us and see everybody's what they've had for breakfast. Um, but we're just, I guess, messaging and scrolling and liking and reacting. It's a bit of a pseudo-connection, isn't it? It really is. And deep down, a lot of us are actually feeling very lonely. And I don't think that

Drum Roll Please: Introducing the Natural High of Social Connection

Speaker

we talk about that enough.

Speaker 1

I couldn't agree more. It's actually honestly probably going to be my flippant epitaph. I really believe we are two things. We are too lonely and we are too sedentary. Yes. And that's why I will never, as much as I love online movement classes, I will never exclusively teach online because the power of moving in community is just and you everyone knows, everyone knows how different they feel when they're doing that. They do. But we are so if we're all so 24-7 connected, how the fuck are we all so lonely?

Speaker

So I know. Well, there's a really good book that I love. I brought it down to show you, and again, we can link to this in the show not show notes. So it's called Lost Connections by Johan Harry, and it doesn't just talk about our lost connections with people. There's lost connections with work, there's lost connections with many different things. Right. But obviously, people is a big topic in which he shares a lot of his research about and he researches things till the cows come home. Like he dedicates years to writing his books. He's fantastic, he's got a few books out there. Um Elton John says it's this amazing book will change your life, and genuinely it is one of those kind of books that will. But in it, he talks about the difference between depression and unhappiness. He makes a a really valid point that there is a distinction between the two. Uh, they're not the same thing. And although, you know, when we're depressed, of course, we're going to feel a certain amount of unhappiness, but they are very different. And I this really stood out to me because I can really relate to that. So when I went through depression myself, I feel like I I'm quite a happy person naturally. It I have a disposition that's quite positive. Yeah. I remember hearing someone in my workplace in Sydney performing, like, oh my god, are you on about the positivity again? Your posity is skilling me. Like he hated how positive I was. He sounds lovely. I was like, oh, okay. That was kind of the first, and then I actually felt bad about being positive. But anyway, so naturally I'm kind of positive, positive and upbeat. But when I went through that period of depression that I went through, the positivity was kind of still there. I I kind of could still thankfully still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah. But the depression was so dark and heavy that it was a very separate thing. Yet I could still see there was positive things in the world and there was things to be happy about. It was just so different. It wasn't similar or the same as being unhappy. The depression was in a very different, very different experience. All I can say was like living in a shadow of darkness and anxiety. And the the biggest thing for me, I think, what it was, because it was a knock-on effect of the ending of a relationship in a very sudden way. There was grief and trauma tied into it. And trauma hated that word. Then I would say dysregulated nervous system landed with me better. So I was very traumatized over losing a relationship overnight out of the blue. To me, it was like I and I felt like I was grieving someone, but I couldn't grieve that person because that person was fine. He was actually happy. He'd moved on with someone else. He was great. I couldn't grieve for him. There was only internally. So that was number one part of my depression. My second part was I was found myself in Australia. Relationship was over, apartment I lived in with him was gone. I had no real friends over there, and I had no family over there. So I for me, I was just found myself the other side of the world with no one to turn to. And that loneliness is something I've never experienced like that before. And I hope to God I never do ever, ever again.

Speaker 1

Oh, I feel like crying. No, no, no. I no, I'm I'm glad thank you so much for sharing that. And that sounds so sad. And it's it is nothing wrong with you, Chloe. It's the human experience that we'll all have those massive lows. We're like, fuck, if I can get through this, you know, we've all had those experiences, um and they really stand out because it's like when everything falls away. Like I can only imagine how it would have felt when your home is changing, your relationship is ending, you have to move out, and then to not have your people, your connection, your your your your emotional safety net when they weren't with you. Like it just shows that you know we can talk about like health in so many different capacities, but really what keeps us grounded and healthy is our support networks as well. Totally and everything to us.

Speaker

Absolutely. I also started a new job that week too, so I had lost even the connections of the workplace.

Speaker 1

You didn't shave your head. I mean, like, how many more changes can one woman make in a week?

Speaker

God, I nearly did. But I guess I because we were chatting about social connection, I was trying to relate it back to like the loneliness piece of whenever I felt the most lonely. And that was definitely the time in my life that I felt the most lonely. And I will say my depression that was the worst depression I went through and anxiety. And there's such a correlation between the two. Yeah. Because I guess the the World Health Organization, if we go into the kind of official information, they recognize social isolation as a major risk factor for both our mental and our physical health. So we're talking stress, inflammation, heart disease, reduced life expectancy when we're lonely and isolated. We've all heard that stat that loneliness kills faster than cigarettes. Well, it's actually loneliness is as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Speaker 1

What?

Speaker

Is 15 the number of birds? Yeah. Which I think is absolutely crazy. And that's not a metaphor, that is research. And here's a big reason I think why. So our nervous system obviously is fundamentally wired to keep us safe, love our nervous system. So, you know, if we go to touch a hot stove, place our hand in it before we even think our hand has been brought back to us without even sending the information to our bodies, and that's our nervous system kind of screaming out to us, mind yourself, be safe. When we're isolated and cut off, it's human nature to want to be part of a tribe. And when we're on our own and we're feeling what we have no one around us, our nervous system is screaming, get back to your people, get back to your tribe. And that's not a weakness in us, that is our biology. Origin, yeah. 100%. So I guess when we look at the physiological perspective, there's a lot of research showing real differences in how male and female nervous systems respond to stress, which I think is very interesting. It's new research as well, but the classic stress response we all know is fight or flight. So we're all very familiar with that, our sympathetic nervous system. But in females, they're finding that there's something called the tend and befriend response. So when we're stressed, our bodies release uh oxytocin, which is also known as the bonding hormone, which actually nudges us towards connection, towards nurturing, towards seeking support from others. And this is released more in females when we're our nervous system is under pressure. Wow. So a lot of times we'll see males will move towards that fight or flight response. Females will uh move towards tending for their loved ones, maybe their children, nurturing, and then looking for their tribe, looking to befriend, looking to be supported by others. Because I suppose back in the days in the savannas of Africa, if we were not with our tribe, we're not going to survive. No. We needed each other to be able to survive. So that's innately built within us. And now, obviously, when it comes to our nervous systems, everyone's nervous system is different. And this is just research that's kind of coming out, and not all women will go into the tendon befriend stage. It might be fight or flight response to. But it's very, very interesting.

Speaker 1

That's fascinating.

Speaker

So it's definitely about how connection is not just a nice to hive, nice to have. So there's a neuroscientist, Matthew Lieberman, he has a book called Social, Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. And he discusses about how our brains experience social pain. So rejection, exclusion, and loneliness. So again, this would bring me right back to that's that time in Australia. Through the exact same neural pathways as physical pain, we experience social isolation pain. Wow. Pain that comes through when we are feeling like we are on our own in this world. And we wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg, you know, just to get get over it. And I yeah, I feel like there's not enough number one awareness of how impactful are the detriments it has to us when people are lonely. Yeah. But also, people don't know how to say it. It feels like a real weakness. I'm lonely. I don't feel like I have someone I can connect with.

Speaker 1

Isn't it? If you had a cast on your leg, there's no attached shame to that. But the level of vulnerability it would take to say, I don't have many friends or any friends, or my family have moved away, or I've moved away from them. And I just don't really have anyone at the end.

Speaker

I don't have anyone I feel I can fully confide in, really tell my deepest, darkest secrets to. And I think it's a lot more common than we even can imagine.

Speaker 1

So there's the pain of that, and then on top of that, there's the shame.

Speaker

So it's a it's a two-pronged, yeah. It's a two-pronged pushing into loneliness, isn't it? It is. And there's also fascinating research as well done on the five blue zones around the world. So it's the the pockets around the world where people live the longest. So this is research done by Dan Boetner, I think is how you say his surname. And he's there's a lovely documentary on Netflix as well about the show notes too along with all these books you're mentioning. Fabulous. Um, so really it talks about how connection actually drives longevity. So the regions around the world where the highest concentration of people live past 100, so that includes places like Okinawa in Japan, Sardinia in Italy, Icaria in Greece. And across every single one of them, the common thread is not the superfood or the supplement that they're taking, it's the community. It's the deep, consistent, everyday human connection and the tribes that they have. So in Okinawa, it's a group of islands in Japan. I was actually there a few years ago. It's a fab, fab place. They have something called Moais, I think it's how you pronounce it. So it's social support networks that they belong to from birth and for their entire lives. Well, it's groups that show up for each other through everything. And I actually read somewhere that they will even put away a little bit of their money every month. And at the end of the month, the person who's in need of that financial support the most will get it. Yeah, we definitely need that. Yeah, okay. Let's get that up. Give me a minute.

Speaker 1

Give me a minute. Let's get up some leaflets and drop some in along the road.

Speaker

It's like such a gorgeous thing that's people will show view through you, and you're not on your own, and you're not going to be left to struggle through whatever it be, emotional, physical, financial, health issues. Beautiful. So um, yeah, I guess there's a lot of science that shows the importance of connection, but one of the other bits that I'll mention is the hybrid study of adult development. This is the longest-running happiness study in the world. It launched in 1938. So it's been running for a lot of years, and it followed 724 people over their entire lives and expanded to include their spouses and everything. So basically, the number one most single most important factor in determining our happiness and our health and longevity is not our genetics. It's not our wealth, but it is the quality of our relationships. Well, so there's a lot there with social connection and more that we could say. But I think for this week, what I want us to try together maybe is something you even mentioned. Can we swap out a text or a voice note for an actual phone call with someone that you've been meaning to catch up with?

Speaker 1

I think that is such a stellar, tangible um I I don't like the word challenge because it brings in a competitive thing, but maybe an an invitation. Invitation. Like there are so many times in my life where I'm sending a text because it's safer. It doesn't, you know, it's there's a bit of a vulnerability with calling someone as well, because you're like, I don't know, do you do you want to talk to me? You know what I mean? Whereas a text is a lot safer, you can be a lot more curated in a text, whereas, yeah, it definitely takes a little that ring ring. Our our little all our little hearts are a bit, oh, I don't know, they're doing sense to us, they're probably busy to, you know. And I think to just lean into a little bit of vulnerability with someone you already feel very safe in love, could you swap out that text for that call? And just once just once this week.

Speaker

Yeah, and what I'm going to invite people to do as a daily habit to introduce into their lives for this is can you show up in your community a little bit more, wherever your community is? Maybe it's where you go for your walk in the morning, maybe it's in the office with your colleagues, maybe it's in your relationship, your family, home. Can you make eye contact with people, the people maybe that you don't know that well, can you start up a conversation that's a little bit deeper than the weather, the chit-chat? Could you, if you're in a shop, strike up a conversation, actually ask the person, how are you? and rate, wait for their response, not just like, how are you? Great, I'm out of here. Like listen, wait. Not rhetorical. Exactly. And

Our Invitation this Week

Speaker

if it's a loved one that you feel like you haven't touched base with properly, like can you give them your time and just really connect? One connection a day, a deep connection, stranger, person you love, just give it a little bit of attention. That's what we're going to invite you to do. And before we leave you with that, we are going to say that because community and social connection is the topic of this episode and so, so important to both of us, we are kicking off with our next Quit Your Whining event on Saturday, May 23rd. Yes. We have a link in the show notes to book a ticket if you'd like to come join us. It's in Cork City. So hopefully we'll take this on the road someday. But right now it's in Cork City. Please come join us for Quit Your Whining. Food, fun, laughter, deep, meaningful connections with a group of like-minded people. All the details in the show notes.

Speaker 1

And again, myself and Chloe, it's our message. Come as you are, don't have to be fully sober. You can be sober curious. Someone you someone you're close with can be sober. Come as you are, doesn't have to look like anything.

Speaker

Just show up in your true and authentic self. And I'm off now to pop into the shop and tell the shopkeeper my life story. Yeah, have our chats.

Speaker 1

And don't forget now about the thing that we're all gonna club in for Bobs, and then we've got those very important.

Speaker

Don't forget that part. So we'll show a link in the show notes there for a bit of money for the two of us. If that's all right, that would be great. Thanks, Million. We just have a wonderful weekend.

Speaker 1

Swap out that text for a call.